Lexington Horsemen
Lorenzen signs with the Lexington Horsemen; neighboring cities build golden idol
Think our hero has thrown in the towel on an NFL career?  Think again you stupid jerk!  Jared will be back to rock football, play screeching guitar solos, and offer a "ma'am" and "howdy" to boot.

2009 Schedule
03/28/200908:00 PM@Tulsa Talons
04/11/200907:00 PMWB Scranton Pioneers
04/18/200907:00 PM@Florida Firecats
04/25/200907:00 PMMilwaukee Iron
05/02/200908:00 PM@Peoria Pirates
05/09/200907:00 PM@South Georgia Wildcats
05/16/200907:00 PMBossier-Shreveport Battle Wings
05/23/200907:00 PMFlorida Firecats
05/30/200907:00 PM@Mahoning Valley Thunder
06/06/200908:00 PM@Tennessee Valley Vipers
06/13/200908:00 PMQuad City Steamwheelers
06/20/200907:00 PMSouth Georgia Wildcats
06/27/200909:00 PM@Corpus Christi Sharks
07/11/200907:00 PMTennessee Valley Vipers
07/18/200907:00 PMPeoria Pirates
07/25/200907:00 PM@Florida Firecats


And why do we fall Master Bruce?

So we can learn to pick ourselves back up...

--Batman Begins

Super Bowl XLII. The NY Giants upset the New England Patriots, giving Jared Lorenzen his first champion’s ring. While J-Lo was somehow overlooked for that game’s MVP award, the mantle of champion would have to do for the moment.

Then, something terrible happened. Something so tragic and awful that I can barely fight off the night-sweats long enough to type ... this ... sentence. The Giants cut Jared Lorenzen.

Being the football expert that I am, I could see this one coming. The Giants picked up David Carr to back up Eli Manning during the offseason, in addition to grabbing another awesome UK quarterback in the draft (Andre Woodson). Add in another QB whose name I can’t remember and won’t look up out of spite, and that makes five quarterbacks on the roster. Keeping Carr was a no-brainer; he had several years of NFL starting experience with the Texans. That left one spot open, forcing J-Lo to either get out or face demotion to 3rd string. Lorenzen was cut, with that other guy taking the third spot and Andre Woodson getting the practice squad job (from which he too was soon cut). Jared had gone from Super Bowl champ to unfortunate recipient of Bush-era joblessness in just a few short weeks.

Luckily, my second favorite team swooped in and picked up J-Lo, resulting in a chronic back pain that still nags when it rains. Jared played in a few pre-season games for the Indianapolis Colts, the highlight of which resulted in two touchdown passes to severely underrated tight end Jacob Tamme. It would be Jared’s last game as a Colt, and possibly the last game of his NFL career...


There are certain moments in a person’s life where every detail is seared into memory for the rest of their existence. Every word, every sound, every smell; I’ll always remember the moment my dad called me on my way home from work to tell me Jared Lorenzen had signed with the Lexington Horsemen arena football team. I struggled to shift the gears in my truck and mashed the keypad on my phone attempting to call Justin and Maraud and spread the good news. I ran over a skunk that was already dead in my excitement.

Upon arriving home from work, I turned on the tv and went straight for the news. Sure enough, there’s J-Lo -- big as life! Golden mouth-words spewed from his ruby-red lips as he graciously took the mantle of BEST ARENA FOOTBALL PLAYER EVER BY DEFAULT. Even better; this is not the end. J-Lo is serious about using this platform as an opportunity to “springboard” (his words) himself back into the NFL. Citing Kurt Warner as a reference point, Jared promises to learn that “dig route” (whatever that is) and claw his way back into the NFL.

I have no doubt that Jared Lorenzen is an NFL caliber quarterback. In fact, I’d hand over my beloved Bengals to him if Carson needs Tommy Johns surgery. I am so serioius my knuckles are bleeding. I don’t think there’s a chance J-Lo will get back into the NFL; it’s an inevitability. And while I will stand by our hometown hero as he leads his future non-KY pro team into several Super Bowls, I’m happy he’s spending his rebuilding era here in Lexington.

They say you can’t go home again, but we’ve got another little saying here in KY.

We do chicken right.”