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MURPHY'S OTHER LAW

- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
- A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
- Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented  fool.
- The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
- It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
- If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
- The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
- Flashlight: A case for holding dead  batteries.
- The shin bone is a device for finding  furniture.
- A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
- When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty

 

MURPHY'S LAW

- The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
- When you need an item that is on a heap,it will always be the one at the bottom.
- Buses take ages to arrive, but when they do they always arrive in sets of three.
- The day you forget your umbrella, it pours with rain.
- When caught in a traffic jam, the lane that you are in will always be the slowest to move.
- Nothing is as easy as it looks.
- Everything takes longer than you think.
- Anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time.
- If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
- If something simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
- It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
- Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
- Every solution breeds new problems.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- If you make it idiot-proof, someone will make a better idiot.
- The light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in.
- The time you have to catch a flight is inversely proportional to the distance to the gate.
- In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
- Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
- Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again.
- The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks.

 

May your glass be ever full
May the roof over your head be always strong
And may you be in heaven
Half an hour before the devil knows you're dead


As you slide down the banisters of life
May the splinters never point the wrong way 
 


I drink to your health when I'm with you
I drink to your health when I'm alone
I drink to your health so often
I'm starting to worry about my own


An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold on to one blade of  grass and not fall on the face of the earth