My friend Terry Mayhew

TERRY'S BROTHER DENNIS, EULOGY FOLLOWS {MY LONG TIME BEST FRIEND}

MY LONG TIME BEST FRIEND

TERRY PETER MAYHEW

THE WORLDS ONLY TOE SPEAKER

JULY 20, 1952 - JANUARY 20, 2004,

KENNETH PETER THOMAS

Terry and I met in 1960 when we both attended a new camp for persons with disabilities called Camp Lake Isle now named Camp Health Hope and Happiness. It was a happy fun filled place to go every summer, which we both went to for the next 20 some years every summer and even to some winter camps between Christmas and New years.

Terry was at the front of the barge in this picture talking to a Mermaid. The rest of us were not allowed to look, We were actually fishing!


Terry always liked meeting knew found friends and he made a lot at camp, especially if they were pretty! He would get his toe going on his word communication board so fast some times they you could not keep up with what he was saying and have to tell him to slow that toe down, which I did at least 5000 times over the years. At camp he did not like to go swimming, but would like to sun tan on the deck while I swam. Of course I always splashed him when ever I had a chance. He liked fishing, the nightly camp fires, hay rides, being pulled in a sled behind a ski-do across the frozen lake at top speed. (if only his parents knew!) Yes camp was a great time for both of us.

In 1964 My Dad was Transferred to Edmonton from Calgary and I started to go to the Cerebral Palsy Clinic. I was in grade 4 only at the time because of the lack of schooling I got in Calgary. They put me in the older kids class that was taught by Lorne Good (a great teacher who also had CP.) Of course Terry was in his class also. I remember the classroom was one of those portable types, which was very cool in winter. This is when I really got to know Terry as a friend. I remember us both typing all our school work on these old huge noisy electric type writers, playing with the other kids outside, have lunch together, etc.

In September of 1966 (now I am sounding like Terry, he could remember dates of any occasion) The Glenrose School Hospital open it's doors and over the next five years me and Terry went to school their and we met many other students and teachers that became long time friends of us both, like Carolyn Wierenga, (teachers: Jack Hassan, Hellen Wilinski, Poline Kaychuk, Ben & Jannette Flesher, etc. Terry and I were not in the same classes, but we ate lunch at the same table every noon hour. This is where we both got our intelligence and where Terry Toes got even faster at typing in Mrs. Wiliski's typing class (30 words a minute).


We had a lot of fun at the Glenrose too, playing floor hockey at noon, frosh day, kangaroo court, field trips, skipping classes (Not me!) going to birthday parties at pizza place.


In the summers other than going to Camp He  Ho Ha. We also went to the city of Edmonton's Day camps which were held in the parks around town. Also in the evenings (usually on Fridays) we attended the fourth world teen club.

After leaving the Glenrose we went our separate ways for a couple of years. In the fall of 1976 The A.C.T. Recreation centre in Roudle park opened and one of the programs the Paralympic Sports Association decided to try was wheelchair Square dancing. As you all know Terry and I signed up and we danced in the group for many years (I'm still dancing) we have made many more life time friend with the group and we both traveled all across Canada and to a couple of cities in the States to dance at Square & Round dancing conventions.



This is a picture of Terry taken on a hotel room bed with my Cousin's wife taken in Ottawa, Ontario, which Terry always laughed at when I remind him about it.


Another time Terry and I went with my Sister Lorna and a couple of other friends too Kananaskis and we stayed at Willy Watson Lodge. Also our Square dance group went for a short holiday there in the early 1980's. Terry and I really liked it there in the Rockies.

It is funny how Terry was always besideor in front of me in pictures!

In about 1978 another new program started call THE COMMUNITY ENRICHMENT PROGRAM (This program is still operating today) it was a pilot project then which tries help different abled persons find things to do out in the community. Of course both me and Terry in rolled in this program. Terry learned how to macramé and took pottery using his big feet. I took up how to play bridge and learned how to get out into the community more and do things like shopping by myself (scare at the time!). I then decided to take some courses at Grant MacEwan College, so again Terry and I went our separate ways for a couple of years. (But we still danced every Monday Night though)

In about 1981 another new school opened it's doors called P.H.O.E.N.I.X. TRAINING & DEVELOPMENT FOUNDATION It was the first computer school for different abled persons. Again Terry and I came together again to learn how to use computers (finally no more noisy typewriters!) we both took Computer accounting and really liked using the computers (I don't know about the accounting course?) We were in our second year when Terry started to have a few health problems and had to quit. I carried on finished the course, the school closed down because of the lack of funding. I carried on taking a couple of more computer courses at college and then decided to teach myself about using my computer from books, while at the same time training and competing in athletics.

Terry and I continued seeing each other at square dancing, going to hockey games together, meeting for coffee at the Green House Pub, then at West Edmonton Mall. Terry must hold the world record for the most cups of coffee drank in a life time! Terry and I also enjoyed going to the Edmonton Folk Music festival every summer and listening to the live music.

The last few years I have been going to visit Terry in his room and watching hockey games with him and talking. I watched my last hockey game with him a few days before he left this world to go to a better place where he will not be in pain any more. So long old friend, until we meet again in another life.

______________________________

THE EULOGY TERRY'S BROTHER DENNIS READ

Terry Mayhew

                                                            1952-2004

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. On behalf of my family, I would like to thank you all for coming together in honour of my brother Mr. Terry Mayhew. Obviously he was well respected and loved by many, and I can see that he had lots of friends in his life. I know that Terry would be honoured by your presence this afternoon.

I know this speech is going to be challenging for me. I was actually thinking it would be a good idea for me tape this and just lip sync it.

As I reminisce about the life of my brother, the most important thing that I will always remember about his character is that in spite of the challenges that he had, he always went through life never being bitter about his handicap , and that he always tried his best to move ahead with his as well as he could. To give up or to feel sorry for himself was never an option.

I have known Terry for a long long time. I firmly believe that he has been a great influence on what I have become as a person throughout the years. I will admit that it always hasn¹t been easy, but as I say this I realize that that is about as normal a statement that one can say about any sibling.

As a young person Terry was definitely a good and appreciative playmate. I remember long walks to the playground, building block towers and having Terry laugh uproariously as he knocked them down, pulling Terry in the wagon, and watching him ride his tricycle up and down the sidewalk in front of our house. He played with, and was accepted by the kids in the neighborhood. And my brother was smart, especially when it came to numbers. One memory I have is him doing long division on his electric typewriter, having to line up all of those figures and figure out answers. It was quite a complicated process. He must have done fine though, because he was among some of the early high school graduates of the Glenrose school. His memory for dates, times and places was legendary.

It was in his childhood that Terry found and developed those especially talented toes that all who knew him were so very familiar with. If my memory serves me correctly, before he began typing with his toes, he discovered how to dial the telephone, making surprise telephone calls to all kinds of people. Again, for all who knew Terry well, the telephone continued to be a huge part of how he stayed in touch with his friends. And he certainly used those toes on that omnipresent word board. I know that Terry moved so fast that for the inexperienced, communication was challenging. I must say, that I was quite proud of how easily Terry and I could talk together, as I had spent a lifetime time speaking that way to him. but the most amazing thing that he did was create beautiful macramé plant hangers.

Probably the largest influence that Terry had in my life came in our teen years as both of us would go daily throughout the summer to Mayfair park to volunteer in the day camp program that Parks and Recreation ran for mentally and physically challenged children. It was there that I first began to work with children, which had ultimately led to my career as an educator. It is where Terry and I met many special people, some of which have continued to be special people and friends to this day.

Terry was instrumental, as a young adult, in the initial study which led to the DATS service in Edmonton. As imperfect as that service was, and is, it sure led to new freedom and independence for Terry as well as many others in the city. I am sure glad Terry had it available to him throughout the years.

I started my teaching career in New Sarepta Alberta. Terry used to come to school with me and visit in my kindergarten classroom. Two years ago I was at the ten year high school reunion of that first kindergarten class, and they say that the thing that they remember the most about that year, were Terry¹s visits. He obviously had quite an impact on people who met him.

As I am sure that many or you know, life was not always smooth for Terry. Being physically challenged was difficult enough, but on top of that my brother was bipolar. Terry, my family, and his friends went through a very dark time when if you went to visit him you didn¹t know whether he would try to hurt you, or be absolutely devastated about how he had behaved the last visit. Then one day a doctor put him on a drug called Lithium, and he never struck out again. It makes me wonder how many violent people that are out there in society are one prescription drug away from living normal lives. I am sure glad they finally found one for Terry, unfortunately it sure took a long time to find it.

Terry came out of those terrible years into some of the best of his life. Terry was a great sports fan, and we went to every Edmonton Oiler hockey game, and watched them win 5 Stanley Cups together. We also watched many Edmonton Eskimo football games from the sidelines of Clarke stadium. And then on to Commonwealth Stadium in those amazing years where the Esks won 5 grey cups. We missed few games in those years. I would like to thank the Edmonton Oilers and the Edmonton Eskimo organizations for treating Terry so well through the years. His most recent interest surprised me. He really enjoyed watching American College Basketball. I¹ll bet the Florida State Seminoles don¹t have as big of a fan anywhere else around here. as Terry was of theirs.

During these years, he was extremely active in wheelchair square dancing, which he loved to do, and his travels. Hawaii, Florida, Las Vegas and Los Angeles are places that were favourites. I was going through some photo albums the other day of his and it was really neat seeing him posed in front of some very famous landmarks throughout his life.

Terry was out, and moving about, meeting lots of new people, drinking coffee, drinking lots of coffee. Terry loved coffee. Terry¹s love of coffee supported the economies of many Central and South American countries. Most recently his drink of choice was really dark, and really strong. The trip to local Second Cup has been our activity of choice over the past few years.

Unfortunately things started to go wrong . I remember one night at a hockey game he said that he had a pain in his elbow. The next week it moved up to his shoulder and he lived with that shoulder problem for five years. That five years was hard on Terry, ultimately slowing him down in his activities. But almost as fast as the onset of his shoulder pain, it went away. About a year ago, Terry was able to get out and about again.

Just like with the way things seemed to go with Terry, the respite was too good to be true. Things changed again, and Terry was having challenges with walking and balance. He was diagnosed with having some herniated disks in his neck. The problems he was having because of these were beginning to surmount. He wanted this fixed. When Terry is determined about something he almost becomes obsessed. One of the most interesting things that I read and reminisce about is the absolutely intelligent and pertinent questions Terry wrote out before his last consult with the surgeon. Terry was never shy about being assertive and he phoned Dr. Fox often to find out when this surgery was going to happen.

But Terry did have one last magical day. He and my family were at my mom and dad¹s house for Christmas Day, and it was like Terry of old. He was alert, he was alive. We played cards. We talked.

And we know the ending. For me, Terry had always come out of surgery easily and with few complications, he had been under general anesthetics numerous times.

As I saw Terry on the last few days of his life, there was a relaxation I have never known Terry to have. He has absolutely no wrinkles in his forehead, This was an eerie mix for me of deep sorrow but yet of great marvel at the peacefulness of the entire scene of Terry lying there relaxed and peaceful.

Terry may be gone, but as you know, much of him lives on. As he passed away, his heart was transplanted into someone who was flown in that night from Calgary to receive his heart. Probably a Flames fan. I wonder how that will sit with that heart. I hope that whoever received it treats it well. One interesting study that I have read is that the heart is actually an extension of the brain. I wonder if this person is going to be able to speak without moving their foot around, spelling out the words as they speak. Terry¹s liver, kidneys, corneas and pancreas are all being used now by others. I am proud of my mom and dad for easily agreeing for this to happen, and I would encourage you to consider organ donation, and make sure you sign your donor card. Through the process I found out how rarely people can or do donate their organs.

And so to finish I have many people to thank:

First to Ken Bob, and Gloria: Thank you for being such special friends to Terry.

Gloria- You are a caring and kind soul. I was glad I got to share that time at the hospital with you

Bob-You were absolutely splendid with my brother. The amount of patience and kindness you had with him were unparalleled.

And Ken. You are an absolutely cool person. I think you were really Terry¹s other brother, that was how strong that I felt your friendship was.

And to all of the other special people in his life-Thank you

I would like to also thank all of the teachers and caregivers that he has had over the many years. Terry seemed to be very happy with his home at Dickensfield , and I know that any of my dealings there with the staff were positive. Thank you to anyone who helped Terry out over the years with feeding him or just taking the time to talk.

A very special thanks to my sister in law Terry Kaasa. Quite by good fortune as my brother was in the Royal Alex hospital on his final day . My wife Lori¹s sister was a hospital chaplain at the Royal Alex hospital. Terry, was an amazing source of strength and support for myself and my family and has exactly the right words to say at exactly the right time. Even better was that when I asked her to come to my family¹s service at the mausoleum on Monday She put together the most perfect words in honour of Terry. I know that there was a great big smile on my brother¹s face after that most honorable and tasteful ceremony. It was exactly what my family needed at that time.

I would like to thank my family Lori. Rebecca and Gillian for being so supportive to myself and my brother through all the years. My girls always had a hug for Uncle Terry after a visit. I know that their tolerance and patience with people has been and will be influenced by having known Terry. And to my lovely wife Lori who has lovingly supported me through all of good and bad times in my relationship with my brother. You have also been a great source of strength over past week.

And finally to my mom and dad. You have dedicated your lives to making sure that the quality of my brother¹s life was as good as it could be. You both cared so deeply as evidenced by your actions through all of the years that you have looked after my brother. It certainly has not been easy, but you were as good of people as there could have been to be the parents of child as challenged as Terry was. I thank you for all of the time effort, and care that you have put into challenging him, and being there for him all through his life.

Now in closing, I have mixed feelings for what I wish for in an afterlife for Terry. Reincarnation as a athlete, who could sing like a bird, get married, have children, and live a normal life, whatever that is, would be something that I¹m sure a benevolent god would bestow upon Terry. On the other hand, would he really want all that. Terry was a physically challenged person, and for the most part seemed to me to be quite comfortable within his skin with that. The lessons he taught people in patience, understanding, and compassion, will never be forgotten. Thank you for being on this earth, and for being such a good friend, son, and brother.

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