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The Horrible, No Good, Terrible, Very Bad PERIOD Day

Coming soon . . . an animated short of 
The Horrible, No Good, Terrible, Very Bad PERIOD Day

Many of us have had a day like this - I hope this makes you smile. . .

I awoke to the sound of my three-year-old saying, “Mommy, my jammies are wet.” It was 45 minutes before the alarm should sound. I clamped my eyes shut hoping the darkness would make the sound go away. I was bloated and tired – five more minutes, please I begged the darkness. “Mommmmmy,” I heard my son say again. I hoped my husband would respond.  Maybe, if I wait long enough, my son’s whining will prompt him to move. “Mommy,” I heard again. All that came from my husband’s side of the bed was a snort and a loud exhale.  I could tell it was going to be a horrible, no good, terrible, very bad PERIOD day! 

We were out of cream, and milk, so my coffee was black. It tasted like ashes. And the kids had to eat dry cereal. They didn’t listen when I told them to get dressed. So, I had to stuff them into their clothes while they brushed their teeth. We were running late - as usual. The car was on empty and I hoped we wouldn’t run out gas. We arrived late to school. The school monitor glared at me and checked off “unexcused tardiness” next to my son’s name. As I was closing the door to my youngest’s daycare, I noticed his pants were on backwards. I could tell it was going to be a horrible, no good, terrible, very bad PERIOD day!

I ordered a double tall half pump hazelnut flavored whole milk no foam latte to help get me through the rest of my day. When I made it back to my car and took a sip, I choked on a gulp of dry cappuccino. The coffee line was out the door and I was already late for work. There were 125 emails in my in-box and four phone messages on my desk. A client on the phone yelled at me for no reason (perhaps she was having a PERIOD day too). The printer refused to print my report that I needed five minutes ago for a presentation. I spilled my milkless coffee on the front of my blouse and splashing water on it only made the spot spread. I could tell it was going to be a horrible, no good, terrible, very bad PERIOD day!

As I was in the bathroom futilely trying to wash my blouse, I decided to use the facilities.  I hovered over the lid taking care of business and lost my balance. I landed on a wet seat.  On the way to the meeting, I realized I left my lunch on the kitchen counter at home.  No time to go out so I settled for my emergency stash of power bars – it tasted like cardboard. At the presentation I noticed a piece of toilet paper stuck to my shoe. One man was droning on and on and I found myself nodding off. As my head fell forward, I snapped my eyes open to see my boss staring at me, eyeing the coffee clutched in my hand and the dark spot spread across my blouse. I could tell it was going to be a horrible, no good, terrible, very bad PERIOD day! 

I was one minute late to pick up my youngest from daycare, which meant an extra $10.00 charge.  My kids begged to go to the park. In my state of mind I certainly did not want to be indoors with my energizer bunny boys. In the car, they whined for treats, “can we buy a popsicle?” “I want a slushy!” I pulled up next to the park and pushed the button to open the side door.  “Aren’t you going to play with us mom?” my oldest asked. Please I thought, just get out and go play. My blank stare eventually caused him to shrug and run off. I sat in the car feeling like a terrible mother. There was a knock on the windshield. To my horror it was my new neighbor.  “Are those your children by themselves over there?” she asked. I could tell it was going to be a horrible, no good, terrible, very bad PERIOD day!

One of the boys tracked dog doo-doo on to the carpet in the car. The kitchen was still full of our breakfast mess. I started to clean and knocked my coffee cup from the morning that I couldn’t drink onto the floor. There was coffee and pottery shards everywhere. I cut my finger. There was nothing to make for dinner, everything was frozen. I ordered pizza and for some reason my bankcard wouldn’t work. My hungry, grumpy children started to fuss. “He hit me,” and “he’s not sharing,” screeched from the living room. My husband had finished the last glass of wine the night before. He called to say he would be late. The pizza was delivered cold. I didn’t care, I ate three slices anyway. I could tell it was going to be a horrible, no good, terrible, very bad PERIOD day!

The kids splashed water all over the bathroom floor. I sat in the puddle with my knees tucked up to my chest to help with the pain in abdomen. The aspirin didn’t seem to be working. It was hair-washing night. I slipped scrubbing a little head as my balance was off. I banged my knee. There were no clean towels or pajamas. My three-year-old’s bed smelt awful. It was still wet. I hate making beds. I kept trying to skip pages while reading the bedtime story to speed the process along. But, my kids noticed every time. Finally, I kissed them goodnight and turned off the light.  I had just settled onto the couch with a cup of tea when I heard “I’m thirsty” followed by “I’m scared.” I could tell it was going to be a horrible, no good, terrible, very bad PERIOD day!

My tea was cold when I came back downstairs.  The heating pad was broken. My husband found me on the couch wrapped in a huge blanket watching junk TV.  My hair was a mess and I was wearing my fat pajamas. He took one look at me and smiled. He knew better than to ask me about my day. He kissed my forehead and reached into his pocket and pulled out my favorite dark chocolate bar. I ripped off the wrapper. The chocolate melted on my tongue. It was no longer a horrible, no good, terrible, very bad PERIOD day!