10 Reasons I Didn't Start a MySpace Account


If I had a dollar for every time I had a person say to me, either in person or online, "Hey John, you should start a MySpace account--it would probably be really cool, LOL!" I would probably have about $57.  When someone says that to me, I normally go on a spiel very similar to what I wrote below.  Invariably though, when I go on such a spiel, I forget some very important reasons why I won't ever start a MySpace account.  Thus, I will indulge you and give you ten reasons why I never created a MySpace account.  

10.  People got hurt as a direct or indirect result of the site.  

This reason clocks in at number ten simply because it has never affected me personally.  Of course, for some of the victim's families (say the parents of the girl depicted in this article), this would probably be the top reason.   

9.    Most of the shitty backgrounds users choose

A shitty background would not be such a problem in itself, except that it renders  the ubiquitous guestbooks postings unreadable.  This probably occurs so often because users feel they must update the background of their profiles in order to engage their site readers.  I'm not saying this problem is present on every myspace profile, but you'd be hard-pressed not to find hard to read text in at least one out of ten profiles.  To give you an example of exactly what I'm talking about, check out the photo below: 

Click to enlarge

 8.   The phrase "Social Networking" makes me want to punch        someone in the face.

The word networking in itself is annoying, because we all had to hear about how going to the job fair "to network" was such a great idea, as if people were just these mindless nodes that only became something when they were a part of some workforce gestalt.  When you add the word social to modify this already annoying word, it's as if you're conceding that you're too much of a loser to make friends "the old-fashioned way" (yeah, that's right, actually initiating a conversation with someone before reading their profiles and chatting with them for a year).  I could digress for quite a while about how much I hate this phrase, but I'll spare you.  

7.   Shitty Music

Part of the beauty of most web pages lies in the fact that you can be listening to some of your own music while you consume them.  This is not the case with MySpace profiles--no, you're the victim of whatever whims of shitty music the user has chosen for you.  Sure, you can turn it off, but that's after the ten minute load time.  

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