The Beatles Are the Worst Band Ever

If you like The Beatles then why you are wrong.  One through five, YOU are dead wrong.

 

1.  Some say The Beatles created the archetype for what a band should be.  They started as a boy band (N'Sync), then they learned to play their own instruments (Jusitified) and then they did drugs (2010 for JT).

  - Well who asked them what a band should be?  Their convoluted path and the horrid music they produced only led to throw away kitsch.  Name a few songs of The Beatles that do not immensely embarass them.  

 

2. But hey, hold on a minute.  They were revolutionary for the time.

 - Again, sorry but no dice.  There were amazing bands derived from the same time period as The Beatles.  One example was The Velvet Underground.  Lou Reed and John Cale didn't start out as a boy band but rather got their bruises in a Warholian factory.  They represented the antithesis of The Beatles and I couldn't love them more for their rejection of the AM Light that the flab four were excreting.  So the time period created amazing bands concurrently as The Beatles.  And their peers weren't creating children's music.

 

3.  Children's music?  What do you mean by that? 

   - Look at the song titles (Octopus's Garden, I am the Walrus, The Yellow Submarine) or the sub-moronic song structures/dirges (Hey Jude, Revolution, Help).  The Sesame Street albums and covers say it all.

 

4. The Monkees were better than the Beatles.

   - Wow, now I agree!  The Monkee's Pleasant Valley Sunday, Daydream Believer and Valerie put them ahead of who they were parodying.  Not often do derivative bands ursurp the original, but The Monkees did just that.  But to be fair, when watching the movie Help, The Beatles were just a parody of themselves - Saturday Morning Shmucks.

 

5. But look at the amazing covers that came from The Beatles songs.

   The biggest compliment I can give The Beatles is that they could write decent songs but they did not have an iota of talent to pull them off.  Case in point, covers of their songs are ALWAYS better than the originals.  From Fiona Apple's Across the Universe to Joe Cocker's With a Little Help from My Friends, Beatles' covers save them from their poor original performances to this day.  Life Goes On's "Oblidi Olbida" even trumps the original mess (for more on that song's level of maturity, see #3)

 

So the sacred cow of The Beatles is nothing more than than a boy band who learned how to play instruments and then produced more poorly performed childrens songs.  If you don't believe me, listen to some Beatles songs.  I dare you.       JohnPalmer2007.