Zombie Bats

Zombie Tazer Axe Bat

 Zombies are more susceptible to electronic attacks on the central nervous system because the reanimation process rewires many neural pathways into a fragile system in the undead brain resulting in lesser brain function. Disruption of the zombie’s central nervous system renders the zombie completely stunned and incapacitated for long enough for you to dispatch them.

Note that this is a secondary or last resort weapon. It should be used as such when the situation allows. You should always dispatch a zombie from a distance, preferably with a gun and a couple hundred feet between you and the undead. However ammunition and availability of ranged weapons may be limited. Our bat is tested for ruggedness and the axe is a perfect tool for severing a twitching, disabled, undead person in a prone position (or TDUPPP).

 

Instructions for use:

 

Step 1. Taze Zombie in the neck or head area.

Step 2. Make sure the Zombie was stunned enough to fall into a prone position.

Step 3. Simply use the axe for disconnecting the brain of the undead person.

 

Some have regarded our technology as inhumane and cruel. We would like to state that this is a proven method that has safely dispatched thousands of the undead and we don’t worry about being nice or reassuring undead persons. We regard their mere existence as a threat.

Our product has only once been spotted in the cold dead grip of an undead person (probably from misuse or operator error). It is recommended that you practice on undead animals first. Undead chickens are a fun and practical way of developing skill while ridding the earth of these annoying, useless and untasty creatures.

It is great for clearing your zombie traps without wasting bullets,  all while giving you a good cardio workout.

To the religious people who are against severing body parts of the undead, we implore you that zombies are empty flesh eating shells of their former selves. The Catholic church regards the undead as soulless beasts. The point we are trying to make is don’t let your ethics and morals be a nail in your coffin.

 

 

 

Benjamin Hermes

benjaminhermes@gmail.com

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