Week of July 1st 2024 - Bicester pool

Jeremy has been busy deciding whether to continue talking with the book company from Wallingford. He will go to see them next week. He supplied the cold cuts again for a Pride Picnic with his friends in Abbey Garden. Quin liked Mummy's new waistcoat, but was unimpressed that the boys could not fix her microphone. Soldering/unsoldering a tiny USB port is really tricky. Jeremy was very upset with his dentist. He had to pay £100 to be told that the dentist had only put a temporary filling in two years again. Now he will have to pay full price to have a real one put in, because it has eroded away. Dominic had the quickest visit with Fiona of all time. The double burgers he made look like they could topple over. We had a discounted dinner in ASK with 20 Spanish women. Mummy spent the weekend in Oxford with Becky. She showed her: Gloucester Green, Blackwells (she met Imogen), the Bridge of Sighs, Radcliffe Camera, the Narnia door, the Covered Market (lunch), the Ashmolean, St Mary's church, and Victors (dinner) before staying overnight at the Holiday Inn in Bicester (20k steps). They shopped there all day Sunday. She was not impressed with the large insect in the bathroom. Her torturing of Oscar was in vain, because none of the questions his teacher gave him about WW1 were in the mock History exam. Daddy took advantage of the one hot day of the summer by getting pushed into Granddad's swimming pool - for the fifth year in a row. England are playing rubbish - but winning.

Week of June 24th 2024 -  Havant a clue

Jeremy travelled 2.5 hours by train (via Didcot, Reading, and Guildford) to Havant to celebrate Dominic's birthday (no, not that one!). He stayed the weekend, and walked 22km to the coast in a single day. He had dinner at a Greene King pub, because Dominic knows someone with the 33% staff discount. When asked is there anything interesting there, he replied: I Havant a clue. He arrived home late, so he missed the Taiwanese mahjong session with kow fu (clueless Dominic failed to win a single hand), and the strange barbecue afterwards. We had dinner at the White Horse, as Mummy had her nails painted the same green as her Buttercup phone case. Daddy asked the 20-something barmaid how old she thought Dominic was. She hesitantly replied: 25-26. When Daddy pointed out he was 33, she blurted out that he looks good for his age! Dominic was not as upset by her obvious myopia, than he was with the flour he managed to spray throughout the kitchen when making some air-fried scones for tea. Mummy calls her local Greene King pub by its correct name, but she keeps calling the Chequers pub in Oxford "crackers", which is baffling her colleagues at work. She confused Daddy by saying she needs apples to make a Rudolph salad (Waldorf). Mummy has been torturing (not tutoring) Oscar over his World War 1 history revision. His teacher has given him the answers to the questions in the hope that Oscar can remember who were Goebbels and Hindenburg. Her BN(O) passport arrived in the post, along with several items of clothing (including a pair of woollen mittens - because they were on sale, it being summer and all). Daddy hair cut. Hannah has been a creative director for over year, but she has only been charging Daddy full whack recently. It was painful watching the Denmark vs. England match. No aurora. At least summer has finally arrived.

Week of June 17th 2024 - ID torture

Jeremy had a code test with a book recycling company in Wallingford. Waiting. He's been comforting Quin all week, because they believe their parents have cut them off financially (unlikely). Their gluten intolerance symptoms may be coinciding with their new iron pill intake. They ate lots of cake on their birthday as their Mother showed Jeremy their baby photographs. Misery. Dominic went into London for a drinks gathering that didn't happen. Miserable. He's been cheating at a PC version of Pokemon all week, by altering the code so the trainer walks his Pokemon automatically (he evolved a metapod into a butterfree during dinner). On Thursday, Daddy had to walk home with Mummy in the dreadful rain (although he did see the widest rainbow ever), McDonald's failed to deliver our dinner order correctly, and a one year old, long-life, light bulb in the kitchen, blew. Depressing. Mummy spent the day with her brother at IKEA and ate Thai at Chiba. Not bad. She had to photocopy every page of her Hong Kong passport and her Hong Kong ID for her BN(O) passport renewal. She's been playing the same old Cantopop song, Late Autumn, on loop repeatedly. So much so that Daddy can sing along, and can't get the tune out of his head. Earworm torture. A sunny lunch at Browns in Oxford for father's day. Afterwards, the boys took Mummy to watch Neil play jazz at the Brewery Tap. Dominic, who is 33 years old,  was asked for his ID at the bar. He had to walk home and get some. His new hair cut may have dazzled the heavily bearded 30-something barman. Not happy. Daddy watched a painful performance by England at the Euros. Groan.

Week of June 10th 2024 - Away days

Jeremy was refused the purchase of a bottle of rum at Tesco, because the elderly teller didn't believe his picture on his driving license was him. As usual, he shrugged the refusal off and bought the rum from a local off-license. Jeremy and the rum headed off to Havant for an airsoft social gathering. He stayed overnight in a tent with Josh and Dominic. He was driven there by Dominic's step-mother and helped erect the three man tent. There were many tents occupied by groups of airsofters from around the country and beyond (Spanish and Ukranians etc), but most were middle-aged, large, white men living out their passion for shooting air-rifles. Bed time was 1.30am after a BBQ. He was awake at 6am and joined yellow team who attacked red team first. Red apparently decided not reciprocate and attack yellow. He bought a second-hand rifle and case for the battle, which he brought home. The evening involved drinking rum and coke and eating hamburgers. He arrived home unwashed, but uninjured. Mummy, in the meantime, stayed overnight at Good Hotel (Esperanza room), with Becky, who she has known since Estee Lauder days. They ate, walked, and talked for two days (she walked 20k steps each day) looking at Big Eye and London Ben (she likes to mix words up), and London Tower. The next day they went to Greenwich, followed by shopping and more eating. She hardly got lost, but used up all her phone data. Daddy and Dominic decided that, as we were home alone, we should  travel to Dover to see the cliffs. Poor Dover is a dump, and because most of the buildings are white, it looked worse for wear. It took us three hours to get there by three trains (cheap because Dominic finally got to use his railcard), but we only spent two hours in Dover: for lunch (Cafe Melange), a visit to the pebbled beach (we dipped our hands in the freezing sea), watched in awe at the sea swimmers, and went to see part of the cliffs. The people seemed very tanned, were very chatty, but terribly depressed (you can see the place has not levelled up at all). We had to wait for the train out, so we had a coffee at the Priory Hotel. It was disgustingly filthy (sticky floors, torn furniture and it was badly  run down). Rooms sell for £15 a night. We met a gaggle of drunken middle-aged men on the X2 home. If they were youths, tuts would be been issued. Dominic spent three days at work in London for the annual hackathon. Mummy booked him into an accessible room at the hotel. He checked in with a limp. Out of spite, and because it was easier, his team chose to work on Slack, rather than Teams. He has been on four day weeks for four of the past five, due to bank holidays, first Friday's, and Granada etc. Mummy had to skip lunch one day because she microwaved her rice cakes and put the lid on afterwards, forming a vacuum. Daddy reversed the process (sit it in a bowl of hot water) to remove the lid at home. A tiny piece of 35th anniversary jade arrived. Mummy is very happy with the look of her new bracelet. Jeremy walked with Daddy to meet Mummy after work (a rare sighting). Jeremy likes his new carpet (which was too small for the kitchen), because it means he can do his exercises more comfortably. Daddy played hide and seek all week with the recently fledged dunnocks. Mummy's BN(O) passport was sent and is being processed. Grandparent's trip to Madrid was not great, and made worse because Granddad lost his phone in the airport on the way home. Lorraine was in London for a celebration (?), so the family was spread out in London, Havant, Dover and Madrid during the week - funny what a bit of dry, sunny, weather will do. 

Week of June 3rd 2024 - Gambler photo

Jeremy finally managed to pass all the presents he's been collecting to Quin after she returned from Scotland. He has been described by Mummy as a good boyfriend - but she's still waiting for her present! Just to rub it in, he bought Quin more presents at a food fair in Abbey Meadows. Daddy thinks Jeremy gambling with his life! Quin will graduate with her art degree later this month, but Jeremy has not been invited. He was invited over to the Cook's house for their weekly Friday take away. They ate gweilo Chinese food from a shop in Didcot called Fort Woks. Jeremy has won four of the eight mahjong hands we played during the week, and now he thinks he's Chow Yun Fat (god of gambling). He came home at 1am from a D&D session and started making noodles and woke everyone up - because he says he can't sleep on an empty stomach. He visited Finn in Steventon, so he could watch more Russian movies (why not?). Dominic travelled into London and again for Beamery's annual three-day hackathon. His mother booked him into a hotel room specifically tailored for disabled persons - because it was cheap. Mummy's typical weekend: got angry after the code for her BN (O) passport photo didn't work (we suspect it was because she was wearing a top that was the same colour as her hair). She had to go back to Timson, but there was no one there. She had to wait at Willowshake. Eventually, her online  passport renewal was completed. She had a facial at Dawsons, baked a walnut coffee cake, and had a long spicy lunch with kow fu on Cowley Road. Daddy saw a large bald middle-aged gweilo wearing a red dress on Marcham Road. The wind was blowing in the wrong direction, so the outline of his parts were very visible. At least Daddy didn't see the source of the stench from a local deranged man in Spar who was walking around the store despite having soiled himself. Itchy Neil delivered a massive tub with a tiny tomato plant in it. Daddy should not have mentioned Lorraine's shingles attack to him. If you are reading this: stop scratching, it's not good for you. The weather's been blowing hot and cold for too long.

Week of May 27th 2024 - Eyes wide shut

Jeremy has been told that he didn't get the job in Osney Mead. He did his presentation and they seemed to like him, but that obviously wasn't enough. He's not too bothered because the job involved more sales than coding. He's been pinning for Quin, who spent the week at a Scottish wedding. That didn't stop him from missing most dinners with his family (card night, D&D etc). He didn't get charged for missing his last dentist appointment. Mummy has been suffering from jet-lag all week, so she's been sleeping early and waking up in the middle of the night (5am). As a result, we had to wait for her to keep her eyes open long enough to take Jeremy's 24th birthday candle photo (amusingly, Dominic used his magic hand movement to take the photo). Mummy tried to put eye drops in her eye, but she was scared to open her eye. She asked Daddy to switch on her iPad to watch a movie. But she had just woken up from a nap, and her eyes were still closed. She's is very proud that she tutored Oscar on MacBeth (how do you spell it, is it two words?). Apparently, he passed his mock O Level exam, and, even though he says he's the top of his class, he managed to scrape a pass (40/80) in his Maths mock too! She needs to keep her eyes wide open on this issue. Mummy renewed kow fu's car tax. Apparently, he had been driving around town, illegally, since May 1st! Dominic went into London, for a semi-productive day! Unusually, he got a seat on both train rides. And, ate a burger at Byron's for free! Daddy has been playing mini-mahjong with the boys all week.

Week of May 20th 2024 - All home again

Jeremy, post Granada, spent time with Quin and then they joined us for Dominic's now-famous brioche chicken burgers. Quin may have consumed our last Estrella too quickly, or she is gluten intolerant. Jeremy prepared a presentation for his interview next week. Our second day in Granada started with a mid-aged Spanisher insisting on polishing cashless Daddy's Puma sneakers - the fact he asked if Daddy was Korean didn't help his cause. The rest of the morning was like the first, with breakfast (orange juice naturally) at the hotel and a walk around Moorish Alhambra. The visiting Spanish children singing Mama mia was repetitive and highly cute. More cats, in a colony this time. Then back to the pool, for lemonade floats (prepared by Helen with Daddy's directions) and a club sandwich. Dominic got into the pool with his door key in his pocket. He tried to throw it at Jeremy, but it curve-balled and hit the back of the lounger and bounced off and landed in Jeremy's hand. Tea was singing happy birthday to Jeremy with a candle in a cheesecake. After a siesta, we headed downtown to find Los Manueles, which was recommended by Manuel the useless taxi driver. It was too commercial, so we walked back to Los Altraunces again. Daddy decided to struggle back up the hill to take sunset photos. We hadn't drunk a lot of beer, but Daddy mistook olive stones for the delicious almonds in oil we had the previous night. After a sangria night cap, Daddy struggled up the hill one more time. When we arrived at the hotel, Dominic (who was in Jeremy's room) found a bottle of sparkling wine, with two glasses in an ice bucket, with a message from the hotel wishing Mr. Charles a happy birthday. Nice touch, but it was too late for us to drink it, and we couldn't take it home. The final day we checked out at noon and went to the Fundacion Rodriguez-Acosta (carmen blanco, because it is) to look around the artist's house and look at the courtyard views. Olivia, 21, art student from Cuba, took us round, and pronounced fountain - fowntaine - the whole time. The so-called Michelangelo crucifix in the museum is a silver cast from a mould made by the Renaissance master. Lunch was at San Miguel carmen, where Dominic ordered a massive octopus leg, with white chocolate and curry pepper. Jeremy had fish (again). Daddy ate artichokes for the first time. While he was having a ciggy outside, the wind blew a massive umbrella onto the seat where Daddy should have been sitting. Smoking saves lives! We ordered a taxi to the airport from our hotel that was Euro20 cheaper than Manuel. Departure hall at the airport is nicer than the arrivals part! We arrived in Barcelona, and had a McD, while Daddy (again) had many smokes in the best smoking area in an airport he has experienced. We walked through Gatwick in 15 minutes - no stopping at all. The taxi driver who took us home at mid-night yawned a lot, and missed a turn and had to  reverse on a dual carriageway. Daddy had to keep him awake as we went cross-country via Henley with a quick economics lesson. A fluffy fox ran across the road as we arrived home. We rated the trip 8.5/10, as we ate well, the hotel was great, we caught the sun a bit, and we ticked off another Civ wonder. The next day Daddy caught a lift to Nottingham to attend the funeral of Uncle Gess. Stories were exchanged because memories fade. Andy changed into his suit at a service station. Daddy as already suited and booted. Daddy was asked to be a pallbearer. The service by Brendon (Leo Goodstadt look-alike) was emotional and informative, the music choice was appropriate and modern, and Granddad got through his eulogy. The gates closing at the end of the service was a better way of ending than is normal. Mummy returned from Osaka with tales of shopping, shopping and more shopping. In between, the girls ate loads (BBQ, not very nice crab, and raw pufferfish). The hot spring was very hot, and Mummy looked very cute in a kimono. She spent time with Cathy (Sabrina is doing well), and the two of them had their hair done at ELLE salon. Daddy met Mummy at Heathrow, but because the flight to Doha was late, the airline couldn't transfer her suitcase to her London flight on time. Notification that the case was arriving shortly was received while we were having a lovely lunch at Lorraine's. Mummy rated her trip 9/10 (she took 900 photos, 4GB). 

Week of May 13th 2024 - Flying out

Jeremy's job hunting accelerated a bit with a one hour technical test with a company based in Oxford that Dominic is very familiar with. He has to create a presentation to them next. He's also been busy catching up on his postponed D&D sessions. Dominic went in to London But he didn't stay overnight, so didn't have to go back in the following day because of the lightning train strikes. Mummy gave Maxine a hug on their last day together at Greene King. She remained angry until the very last. Mummy flew to Osaka. Kow fu gave us a lift to Oxford. Then Daddy helped Mummy take her massive, empty, suitcase to Heathrow Terminal 4 by coach - which turned out to be really difficult because you have to catch an inter-terminal train. There are no check-in counters at Qatar Airways, so we needed some human guidance getting through the unmanned procedures. Daddy took three hours to get home, because the bus from Oxford was so painfully slow. Mummy's first evening in Osaka consisted of two dinners with Kim and Vivian. They arrived from Hong Kong with disposable bedding from Wendy. We boys left for Granada by taxi, which included a one hour diversion from the M25. We tipped Bogdan for his efforts. We had time for lunch at Gatwick. Both boys were body scanned at security. Flight to Granada was direct and smooth. The hair-pulling obsessive was annoying, while his very long index finger nail was weird. Spanish border control pulled a face at Daddy's passport because it didn't register. Caught the last taxi at the stand. Chatty Manuel (he joked about Fawlty Towers) recommended a tapas bar, and we talked football - but we found out later he overcharged us. The receptionist at the Washington Hotel got terribly confused checking us in, so Jeremy ended up in Dominic's room 114. Daddy found his smoking place, a little shaded area, with one of the many fountains that dominate the city. He was approached by two hola-speaking Spanish beauties, during his first ciggy, who asked for directions to town (keep going down hill!). We ate an alfresco dinner late at the hotel (pork, fish and beef cheek with an Emilio Moro wine). Saw our first of many gatos. The first full day: hotel buffet breakfast, we walked the 10 minutes to Alhambra, Justice Gate etc. Then to the pool for a long dip in the salty water. Jeremy got into his post-pool bath with his glasses on, while holding his mobile. The local restaurant had been reserved for a group of Korean tourists, so we walked down to what would become our local tapas bar. Los Altramuces was full, but we got the last good table. Free tapas with your first Estrella, served by Fernando. Dogfish, chorizo, bacalhau, and quail (eaten whole, bones and all). We walked back up the hill, completing 9km - on our supposed rest day! Weigh ins, pre-flights, after our second attempts: Daddy 162lbs, Mummy 122, Dominic 128, Jeremy 135.  We all lost weight, with Dominic slipping 3lbs without any effort. We are curious as to why Oscar keeps losing things at school. Mummy didn't know that Ian Fleming wrote the Bond books, but she does knows that Hemmingway wrote Old man and a dog (correction: the sea). Daddy admits he knows no Chinese authors.

Week of May 6th 2024 - Spanish BBQ

Jeremy spent separate time with Quin (chiropractor), Rho (job interview), and Finn (changed his mind about going to the gig) during the week. But his Thursday D&D session was cancelled again - because one of the crew was helping to count votes during the local elections. His balance is below the critical 15k level. He bought shorts for Spain (we call it Spain, because Mummy can't pronounce Alhambra (Alhamburger!)). Mummy and Daddy were offered a lift home in the rain, by the same woman who gave Mummy a lift when she first started at Greene King. We declined her kindness because the rain was about to stop. Alhambra tour guide Nacho M. told Daddy that his mistaken booking has been cancelled automatically. Daddy's crosswords this week included Malaga, Spanish, tapas, and Spain. They are watching! Dominic is wearing his new glasses (his first in 15 years). He can see clearly now...the rain has gone. We had a double BBQ with kow fu. Two little Southern Indian men (one was called Kumar) from Curry's (geddit!) delivered, installed, and recycled our new washing machine. But now the fridge is playing up. Wins mean Forest and Wednesday are safe!

Week of April 29th 2024 - Super cruel powers

Jeremy had another bad week, with two D&D sessions disrupted by no-shows. The only good thing to happen was Daddy's perfect correction of his uneven haircut from Dukes, and a long walk with Quinn to buy some Abingdon Bridge from recently reopened Budgens. He accompanied Quinn to her chiropractor session and has offered to pay for her treatment. Mummy says she has a new super power: she can upset her soon-to-be ex-co-worker, Max, at will. She also has the ability to be super cruel on vegetarian day (she asked Daddy to carry two bacon sandwiches all the way home). She told the story of a robbery outside the depot. Two men used a knife to cut the curtain of a lorry in the middle of the night. CCTV revealed nothing but a blur to the police. She has sensible nails this week, after the Easter egg colours fell off. Dominic went into London again, but forgot it was vegetarian day and ate a massive bowl of beef ramen for dinner, after drinking too much beer with his colleagues. His cooking repertoire has extended to an air-fried cheesecake and a seafood risotto.  Judith finally delivered Daddy's new yellow umbrella. Apparently, her assistant, who is spending time upstairs guarding the house during her long absences, is a bit dim. Daddy is sick of walking in the rain to meet Mummy after work. He is also amazed that Mummy and Daddy didn't get knocked over by a car that ran a red light as they were crossing the road outside Marcham Road hospital. Mummy's bruise has turned into a little heart-shaped tattoo - but she's not helping it heal by bashing it with a flexible massage stick. Mummy is a bit sad that her friend Wendy has turned a bit loopy. She says doesn't want to meet Mummy in Osaka because she's worried about earthquakes and bedbugs! Our eight year old washing machine has stopped spin drying, so we will have to buy a new one. At least County didn't add to their English record of 18 relegations this year.

Week of April 22nd 2024 - Missed a wonky London hair cut

Jeremy decided to try out Dominic's barber - Dukes in the Covered Market. Firstly, because Dominic needed a hair cut, and, second, because they charge half the price of Forresters. In the end, Dominic's hair cut was fine, but somehow, the same barber decided to only cut half of Jeremy's hair, resulting in a noticeable imbalance. Mummy thought his uneven hair was hilarious, while Daddy agreed to correct the mistake with our COVID hair clippers. At least he managed to make it to Dukes. He missed his 10:30am dental appointment by 10-15 minutes, resulting in a re-appointment, and possible extra charge. To round off his imperfect week, his regular Thursday D&D session was cancelled due an outbreak of the flu. When Daddy asked if he was joining us for dinner during his D&D session, he replied: "No, I'll eat tomorrow." His job hunting went better, with a code test at the beginning of the week and more interest from various headhunters (no robots please). Mummy's week was better, as she took two days off work and traveled by train to London, with her Lulu Guiness bag, to meet Quean for a business meeting, lots of eating (Westfield for duck and a Chinatown hotpot) and, two free nights at the Best Westin in Earl's Court. She spent Saturday with Manin, eating and shopping (because she had spare time before their lunch). Mummy walked 19km in a single day (equal to nearly half a marathon, the day before the London Marathon). Kow Fu returned from Hong Kong with food, a smoothie maker, and a free laptop (which is old and very slow). Her bruise is taking it's time to go away. Daddy started preparations for Uncle Gess' funeral (talked to Andy, bought a black tie and wrote a eulogy), following the news of his sudden passing. Daddy was in Mummy's bad books because she had a dream that he kissed an unknown woman in a restaurant, in front of the boys! Dominic made a toad in a hole (Mummy's variation name), but Daddy ate too much of it and nearly threw it up. Dominic's air-fried baked Alaska (inspired by Jamie) went down better, but his trip into London for the day was another waste of his time and money. But, he and Daddy are pleased to report that King's Head sells Abingdon Bridge and their burgers are quite good.

Week of April 15th 2024 - Bruised max

Jeremy was out all day on Tuesday and Friday. He returned to tell us that his friend, Alfie the Gardener, has a new kitten called electric cables (because when he eventually buries the cat he will cover it with a stone with the cat's name on it, so no one will dig it up). The cat replaces his lizard, the skeleton of which he is having preserved (apparently the extracting the of bones is done using flesh-eating beetles). Mummy has a bruise on the flesh of her right "bicep" (in inverted comas because she has no muscles). It doesn't hurt, but its very large, very purple, and very ugly. She didn't want to put an ice pack on it - too cold! she says. No idea how it happened, but she wants it to heal before she goes to Osaka next month. She wants to see an osteopath about the same arm which is a little sore, and had no idea that she walks past two every day (Nuffield and East St Helen, next to the hypnotherapist). You can't see Mummy's arm in the photograph of her in the latest Greene King magazine (it's her second appearance). Mummy says that Kath told her that Maxine has found another job. Her text about this massive news included two explosion emojis. She says she won't attend her leaving party - it's unlikely anyone will. The foot/shoe measuring man came to the depot to look at dray's feet, and politely said that Mummy does not have flat feet (when clearly she does). Mummy's sleep patterns are completely wrong at the moment. She falls asleep on the sofa at 9pm and gets up at 3am. Daddy's having to join her as she watches the sun rise, before she goes back to bed. Mummy's Saturday involved: having a facial, tea at Lottie's, teaching Oscar about MacBeth, shopping for a new outfit in Oxford and making a salmon dinner. No wonder she's so puffed out. The washing machine is also getting tired. It played up again with F05 error, but it's fixed again. Daddy is upset that Royal Mail delivered his new umbrella through a letterbox upstairs, even though Judith has signs stating that she doesn't live in 20A. He needed shade from the torrential rain all week. The tree in the yard has leaves.

Week of April 8th 2024 - Lost in dreamland

Jeremy wore his contact lenses out, just for the sake of it. He's been busy meeting friends and rendering his support (he has offered to go to a gig so Finn can reconcile with his former band mates). Mummy went to London to meet cousins Patricia and Nana. She arrived early, the three of them talked loads, went to Selfridges, lost Nana in Boots, caught a taxi to Viola for a flowery lunch, got lost looking for Covent Garden. Found it, shopped and just missed their bus back to Bristol. Mummy ate a bibimbap dinner and had a dream trip home. Daddy had multiple dreams during the week: three in one night! lighting cigar papers, a bad guy's bodyguard tried to throw the criminal out of a window, Daddy looking over the garden wall, and being a shop teller querying why a customer has to pay £31.10 (he had to pay for a £20 and £10 note). Mummy grabbed Daddy's nose in bed. She says she lost control of her arm. She got into bed and lay on Daddy's phone. He couldn't find it in the dark, until, after about 10 minutes, she pulled it out and gave it back. Mummy's illegal Korean drama website (it's safe because it's a .com) has been blocked, but she has found another one (.cc). Daddy temporarily broke the washing machine (F5 error warning) because he twisted the drain pump cap back on too hard (past 12 o'clock) after he had cleaned it. It couldn't drain, but now it can. He is fascinated by the farmer ants on the tree in the yard. They raise aphids for their nectar, and provide protection in return. County's directors say the team's performances have been better than their results. Unbelievable.

Week of April 1st 2024 - Policehawk gig ovo!

Getting ghosted by a fintech company in Reading is part and parcel of job hunting these days. Fortunately, Jeremy didn't want to work for them anyway. But he has narrowed his search to Oxford postcodes, and received plenty of interest as a result. Jeremy has been informed by his optician that his right eye is not circular enough. Astigmatic! Mummy thought it was because the hard lenses he used to wear had deformed him. Apparently not, it's quite common. We had dinner at ASK, but without a reservation, so at 6:30pm we were politely asked to leave. Waiting at the High Street bus stop, Daddy gave the evil eye to some youths kicking a bottle of water in the street. One of them said "hello" as he walked past. Cheeky! Caught a cab to Radley where we joined a lot of old people (who couldn't raise their arms to clap along) to watch Neil drum (with another drummer) at his Pink Floyd concert. Only 7/10 because of the blinding lasers (Mummy was alright, because she brought her shades, but she thought the music was a bit slow, and Neil could have hit his drums a bit harder). Backing singer couldn't quite hit the high notes for Great Gig! We briefly met Patricia and Nana. Mummy talked to them a lot, even though she had trouble talking in Cantonese to a Hong Kong HGV driver at work. Mummy had to catch a taxi home from work because the weather was too bad to walk. Anyway, Daddy is sick and tired of battling through the cold and the rain, only for it to stop when he reaches her (the resultant rainbows are no consolation). He dropped his glove: only to find it again. The police called at midnight asking if we had heard or seen anything unusual on East St Helens. Apparently, there had been an "incident", and judging from the amount of blues and twos and door knocking it was quite serious. Daddy had to apologize for answering the intercom with the classic words: "This had better be good!" Daddy was very excited to see/photograph a sparrowhawk eating a pigeon in the courtyard. When the neighbours arrived, Daddy explained that it was nature at work, and we should not disturb her dinner. Mummy has Easter egg coloured nails! She doesn't like Walkers' new salt n' vinegar crisps, so we have bought eight other brands for her to try. So far: 8/10 Co-op's Chardonnay and McCoys, 6/10 Tyrells (too hard). Our electricity supplier, OVO, owe us £2k! Ovo indeed!

Week of March 25th 2024 - Dune sleepies

Jeremy was pleased to report that those naughty people at Octopus finally refunded Quin the money they took from her account - illegally. They spent the day walking (10km!) and eating together, and not talking about electricity or soft-bodied molluscs. We boys abandoned Mummy to watch Dune 2 at the Abbey Theatre. It started late, some actor thanked us for being there, and a chap behind us fell asleep during the very loud movie. Daddy tried to dress the part. Rated 9/10. Mummy slept through Dune 1. There's no pattern to Mummy's sleeping: she both giggles and cries in her sleep. We spent an hour talking by candlelight during Earth Hour. Dominic's Pikachu chocolates were a triumph. Someone fixed the fan - the three of them turned up unannounced. Daddy had a boarding school dream, featuring B. Johnson! We don't like Caprino's pizza much. McGoldrick out:he's the problem at County.

Week of March 18th 2024 - Seeing London by rail

Specsavers need two weeks to order contact lenses for Jeremy. The £25 free eye test added to the feeling of their complete incompetence. Jeremy failed to join us for dinner at Broad Face as he was D&Ding, so he missed the loud Indian waiter who Mummy recognized because he picks up his beer from her warehouse. Mummy had a very nice Dermalogica facial by Sophie at Dawsons, and can make a bouncy fringe with her new hair tongs. Eating Fireworks pizza at lunch with Kath is becoming an unwelcome, weight-gaining, habit. She's learning about the Cold War with Oscar, and shopping for dates and beef, locally. Dominic went into London again, and was disappointed that the £30 railcard he bought only applies to off-peak travel. He made a well-appointed quiche for Pi Day. Ides of March dinner with Peter Cook was followed by the annual triple birthday lunch on Sunday. We watched in awe as Free 4 All butchered some naff songs at the Nags Head. Neil says the off-key lead singer had some sort of nervous breakdown afterwards. Serves her right! Mummy yawns a lot as she acquaints herself with Pink Floyd by listening to their songs at dinner. Still no extractor fan in the bathroom. County stemmed the tide.

Week of March 11th 2024 - Phantom London

Quin and Jeremy celebrated their fifth anniversary by going to London by train to watch, the edge-of-the-seat, Phantom of the Opera at His Majesty's Theatre. They stayed overnight at the Good Hotel. They rated the experience 9/10. Only setbacks were: having to stand on the train there, the drizzly weather, and Quin's foot blister caused by wearing their high heels. He stayed the day at Euan's and had to wonder at a parallel party for his host's 17-year old sister. Dominic went same-day into London to sort out some absent engineers. He failed to fix the extractor fan that stopped working when Daddy was cleaning it. Mummy used her new, elaborate, pink, mini, hair tongs, Mother's Day present, straight away! When asked why Mummy was blow drying her feet, she answered tersely: I'm cold! She warmed up on Saturday: she had an eye examination, bought cupcakes at Lottie's, shopped at Tesco, and swotted up on Macbeth before our homemade tapas dinner. Mummy has given up trying to get into the large, red, Uniqlo jumper that has shrunk to the size of a tea cosy.  Tea at Grandma's for Mother's Day. Property inspection was by the book. Tonsurephobic Daddy hair cut (at £43 a pop now, he needs to consider his options).

Week of March 4th 2024 - Sad, then happy

Jeremy used his time off work to spend all of his time away from home (Quin, Finn, and D&D). After recovering from the aches and pains of his airsoft exploits (sad), he spent a lot of time with Quin (happy), who was home on study leave all week. After walking 15k steps all day with them, they went to London to eat Hello Kitty cake and then visited an art exhibition Quin had to attend. In the end, he only ate dinner once with his parents. Dominic also went into London to attend some boring meetings (sad). Amazon renewed (happy). Daddy has calculated with he and Mummy have walked 1,100km to and from Greene King's distribution depot in the past 18 months (that's equivalent to walking to Madrid or Berlin: slowly). We were caught in a hailstone storm (sad) and saw a rainbow (happy) during our walks this week. Daddy saw a massive flock of birds fly over the house. The low rumble they made as they passed was puzzling. More puzzling: County have only racked up 13 points in the last 18 matches (since losing to a last minute penalty to Crewe): compared to 30 in the first 16 (sad). Daddy is planning to go to Lord's with the boys, now that Wembley is off the cards, this summer (maybe happy).

Week of February 26th 2024 - Aggressive and let go

Jeremy was looking forward to a possible pay rise when he went into work on Monday. Instead, he was told, amicably, that he was being let go by Maritrace! Apparently, there will be a restructuring at the company. They will be hiring senior software developers, and they need his wages to pay them. There's also not enough room for all of them in the office. Daddy's heart sank when he received the text. Jeremy is his usual upbeat self about the whole affair, because he has a year's work experience on his CV and getting a new job (closer to home) will be easier. Headhunters have been calling him about new jobs. Mummy is upset that they did this during Chinese New Year. In the meantime, he travelled to Portsmouth (down South) on Saturday and played airsoft with his friends. He stayed overnight, on a bunk with our sleeping bag, in a WW2 navy bunker. Sunday saw another 120 people turn up. Unfortunately, the crowd were mostly large, aggressive, red-faced locals, who threw lots of flash grenades. Jeremy sustained injuries to his mouse finger, and strains from running about carrying a replica AK47. The Chinese take-away was good, as were the baguette and hamburgers. He missed an amazing tea spread at Grandma's. Daddy pruned the tree in the yard, but he may have been too aggressive and it cried water for two days. Daddy registered Oscar at BUPA, while Mummy continues to rage against Mr. Sands. Daddy's tapas dishes were as good as Barcelona!

Week of February 19th 2024 - Eating London

We all traveled to London because Mummy wanted to experience Chinese New Year in Chinatown. The sunny journey in by train to Paddington via Didcot was smooth, with quick connections. Jeremy decided to nonchalantly clip his hang-nails as we travelled. He thought he looked particularly handsome in photos we took. We walked to the Cheese Barge in Paddington Central (close to Little Venice), only to find it was full, so we had lunch at a Zizzi instead (6/10). We caught the tube to Chinatown, which was not particularly busy (lots of lanterns though). After soaking up the atmosphere, we ate matcha ice creams and checked into our rooms in the basement of Best Western Vauxhall. Jeremy decided that he could not share a room with Dominic, so he went up to reception and bought a room next door. We caught a taxi to slightly run down Toulouse-Lautrec jazz bar, only to discover there was no jazz playing that evening. As compensation, we were sat in the restaurant's private dining room. The three course meals with a bottle of Merlot came to £270, which we calculated later to be almost correct. We walked to Kennington tube and retired for the night (after Daddy had seen an urban fox). The next day, we ate egg tarts for breakfast in a local Portuguese cafe (bom dia). Travelled to Covent Garden and Seven Dials/Neal's Yard. Lunch in Seven Dials food market (6/10). We traveled to Sloane Square to look around Peter Jones and went to Corbert to meet Shirley, who told some hair-raising tales about her junior doctor son, Jasper, for tea. Two hours of talking later we went to Victoria for a cheap drink at Greene King's Shakespeare pub, before going to eat tasty and quick Korean at Lime Orange (ex-Manin who couldn't make it). We went to look around Battersea Power Station and its non-existent light show, and returned to our hotel. Mummy bought lots of Portuguese food from Estrela at breakfast and we made our way to the Cheese Barge again. It was worth the wait as the food was amazing. The stilton ice cream with port was an eye-opener. We caught the train back to Didcot. A Southeast Asian woman sat next to us had gotten on the wrong train. On the bus home a curious girl asked Dominic if he had any Chinese or Japanese blood in him. We discovered that there are no HSBC branches in Central London with tellers anymore. We all returned to work for the last two days of the week. We lowed the noodoo on everybody's birthday.  Jeremy was off his food (he skipped dinner twice), because playing D&D is more important. We stopped planking after all the walking we've done (11km a day). Dominic has added many new features to the family tree. Check it out, it's amazing!  

Week of February 12th 2024 - Prepping for CNY

Jeremy cheered up a blue sounding Quin by buying them dinner online. Daddy was busy preparing for Chinese New Year by: Spring cleaning the house, finding elusive £5 notes for lai see packets (HSBC's branch was closed, so he had to nearly fib at NatWest), decorating the house and buying new clothes. Vienn and Oscar came over for a pre-New Year dinner of scary prawns and pig's knuckle. Dominic went into London to meet some visitors from work. He unveiled, with great acclaim, his interactive family tree at another Lunar New Year family gathering at Grandma's. The plumber fixed the boiler in five minutes. It took Sophie  (who visited Hong Kong on her one year round the world sabbatical trip) two hours to paint Mummy's bright red, gel nails at Dawsons. We boys had to sit and sup in the White Horse while we waited for her. Mummy paused her planking, while Daddy gave his best for three minutes. Mummy has become an expert on the Hungarian Uprising of 1956 as she tries in vain to help Oscar with his history. She is amazed at how cheap and fast it is to travel off-peak by train to London. More on that next week.

Week of February 5th 2024 - Self-service 

Jeremy only had to travel into Witney twice. He had his first beer in a month with a super steak and chips made by chef Dominic (also made a pear pie and yoghurt bagels). He had his second during lunch with mobile Rho. He wants to recycle a grey coloured sweatshirt he wears in bed because it has holes in both elbows. Dominic travelled to London and back in a day - exhausting. He helped a lady who dropped her shopping outside Waitrose. He was spot checked at the self-service till. Daddy was unlucky at the self-service till at Co-op. It broke, so he had to pay twice. There was a 30p gain, after the refund, for his trouble. Daddy's mouse suddenly could only scroll up. Dominic touched it and it works better than before. Maxime at work refused to accept Mummy's apology - even though she had done nothing wrong. Max is becoming even more erratic: fake laughing at everything elderly Steven says, and being angry in between. She maybe upset and threatened because Gary (the boss) said, during her annual assessment, that Mummy is doing great at work. Gary says he knows about Max's behaviour and will sort it. We'll see. Mummy had an expensive hair cut at Dawsons. She has a bigger fringe now. She had the shopsies in Oxford, and loved the Thai food at Old Tom. Mummy said she wanted to eat pizza from Fireworks (she meant Fireaway). She went to a silent disco with Lorraine at Oxford town hall. She came home exhausted, so didn't plank for two days. Daddy's doing three minutes at a time. The plumber finally arrived (six months late) and said the diaphragm of the boiler needs changing (thus vindicating Daddy's concerns). Daddy went to Oscar's parent teacher meetings at Larkmead. Oscar doesn't understand anything at school. His teachers are sympathetic and are trying their best. Is he? Vienn didn't even know which teachers he was supposed to see and when. Questions asked went straight over Oscar's head. Sigh! Maynard needs a new defense.

Week of January 29th 2024 - Cheap eats

Jeremy (who is a grown adult) had not arrived home at 1am from his card night. Mummy was worried and woke Daddy up to ask what she should do. Call him! was his groggy response. He arrived home soon after. Dominic has been busy writing software for a very fancy looking family tree. Daddy inputted the data (181 people in 272 relationships) and he turned the data into a lovely looking interactive graphic. He will unveil to the family at our next gathering. He also installed a new wifi box from BT and we returned two old boxes to them for recycling. There is a small uptick in speed, for a small extra charge. Mummy was very excited about the range of her new, relatively cheap, airpods. Daddy is patiently scanning our mountain of photographic negatives with his new negative scanner machine, so he can preserve them digitally. We ate cheap during the week: 30% off at ASK and 50% at the White Horse. Dominic has perfected how to make the ultimate cup cake, but then ruined them with a green sickly looking topping. Green, hungry caterpillar, Mummy ate: a bowl of oats, some spicy noodles, an ice cream cone, a Lindor chocolate, drank two cups of tea, and finished off a bowl of assorted pretzels, all before 3pm. Mummy and Daddy have started a month long plank challenge, because....she's put on some pounds. PS: The gym she says she will attend, starting in March, has closed down. She has that type of effect on people. 11k County fans probably sang the wheelbarrow song during the home draw with Barrow.

Week of January 22nd 2024 - Fixer

Jeremy had another assessment at work, and everything seems to be going well. He's starting think about his promotion and pay rise. Mummy is a little concerned at work because Kath told management that Max treats her like a medium (she meant minion). Dominic was in the mood to fix things electronically. When he went to London for work, Daddy tried and failed to switch on his bathroom fan. When Dominic returned he switch it on. He also started the bath pump, which again wouldn't work with Daddy. Daddy changed the batteries in the scales, but again, it wouldn't work. Dominic touched it, and it worked fine. Daddy spoke to Judith about her address issue. She agreed to talk to her assistant about changing her address with BT and HMRC et al. Mummy was really surprised when her Temu order arrived. She was convinced the little red wooden sweetie box she bought was much bigger than reality. Dominic shaved the edges with the electric nail file so that it fitted together. She is less sure about buying anything else from Temu now. Dominic hair cut while shopping for Chinese susages (sic) in Oxford with Mummy. Alarm over: Daddy is 160lb again, and therefore is not overweight. Walking and drinking less did it. Jeremy lost a pound to 130lb. Dry January did it. County's frozen pitch was an embarrassment.

Week of January 15th 2024 - Confused smells

A very confusing week. The opening of A Grim Dark Gaming Society at Willow Shake has been greeted by Jeremy with puzzlement and some debate. He thinks its a bit like a youth center, but for older, large bellied, bearded men who are into painting Warhammer figures. Jeremy caused a major outbreak of panic after he messaged from the bus to work that he had lost his wallet. After inspecting his bedroom, Daddy retraced Jeremy's footsteps to the bus stop on the High Street, only for Jeremy to message that he had found it in an unusual pocket of his work bag. He then reported that he had to walk down Ock Street to come home because the woman bus driver told her passengers to get off the bus. She had previously asked a young man to leave the bus because she said he smelled of drugs. He did so without complaining. But the driver was unable to continue because of the residual aroma. Jeremy says he smelled nothing, but the suspected drug taker had a bad haircut, and looked a little groggy. Daddy received a letter from HMRC addressed to 20a, but it was for Judith. He also received an email from BT saying they are going to cut our landline because someone new will be moving into our flat. It would appear that Judith thinks her address is 20a, when it is not. Mummy confused Daddy by asking what is the difference between black and green beans. After a small horticultural lesson, Mummy looked very confused. She meant bins. Daddy went to bed as usual before midnight on a regular weekday. Dominic went to bed at 1am, but Jeremy didn't go to bed until 2am, while Mummy managed to crawl into bed at 3am (smelling of nail varnish!). We were all tired the next day -  I wonder why? Jeremy is keeping his dry January promise, but the rest of us are not: Jolly January pints at The Broad Face, and Peronis (brownies?) for tapas night. It snowed a bit. Dominic likes his new air filter machine. She will be known a hei hei, and has been introduced to mui mui and dee dee. All blue light electrical appliances in our house are given names, to avoid confusion. Daddy cut his thumb while cleaning a very sharp knife. County need to loan some of Forest's spare defenders - sharpish.

Week of January 8th 2024 - Weigh-in fire

Jeremy spent most of his spare time with Quin, watching more extended Lord of the Rings and DnDing. He went to work on a jelly (the breakfast of champions). He says he will have a dry January, and will continue to exercise secretly in his room to increase the size of his chest muscles! Mummy says he's looking like The Hulk. Our family New Year weigh-in was eye opening. Jeremy and Daddy hit record numbers, while Mummy was pleased with her result. But Dominic lost weight. Daddy 167lbs, Mummy 122.4, Dominic 120.5, Jeremy 137.5. Daddy is officially overweight, while Dominic has lost 9lbs since he turned 30. Daddy will have to stop eating so much, while Mummy says she will start going to the gym - in March! Daddy also developed a noticeable pimple (possibly accounting for the 8lbs gain?) on his right cheek. Dominic helped make a matcha cheesecake for his 33rd birthday. He received a soldering iron as a present. We had a half-price, two-hour, £8 a head, lunch at the Boundary House ahead of his big day, along with Kow Fu and Lorraine. Not impressed with our out-of-town Greene King pub. Mummy asked for a Peroni, but got a brownie instead. There was no: chicken wings, halloumi, or avocado. Most amazingly, there was no tea for Neil and Thomas. The staff said the pub will receive a shipment shortly. It may well have to come by boat on account of the flooding. Dinner to see Charlie at Lorraine's was manic as usual. Daddy nearly burnt the house down because he put only baking paper in the airfrier. It caught fire. Daddy blowing on it didn't help. The substantial flames soon receded, but Daddy will try to listen more carefully to Mummy's cooking instructions in the future! County, who are blowing hot and cold, lost Luke Williams!

Week of January 1st 2024 - Bonus presents

Jeremy received a £155.10 Christmas bonus from Maritrace. Not sure how they worked out the amount, but it was a welcome boost for him. He then proceeded to blow the whole amount on drinks and food at The Piano Bar and All Bar One in Oxford with Quin and her sister. He was a little worse for wear on his return and was feeling a little under the weather the following day after consuming seven units of alcohol. He downloaded Baldur Gate 3, and completed the first act, despite spending a lot of time out and about with Quin, including a marathon Lord of the Rings watch, and gaming with his crew. He was in charge of distributing presents on Christmas Eve and the following day. Mummy is getting used to her new phone (the Powerpuff Girl cover was chosen because a Korean influencer has one), while Jeremy has been busy rolling his dice. Daddy's Dali needs framing. The air-fryer will need getting used to. Dominic has been busy goose fat cooking for Christmas Eve dinner with Kow Fu, but he overportioned, and he and Daddy had to eat bubble and squeak three days in a row. Grandma's Christmas dinner was superb as always. Jeremy got nostalgic with his Tiny Tendo, while Mummy was not initially pleased with her woolly scarf and hat (but she is warming up to them), Dominic got another cartoon hat, while Daddy loves his gnomes. Boxing Day at Lorraine's (with Kow Fu) included loads of good food, and pass the traditional parcel and Pictionary. We boys suffered from boredom during Twixmas. Mummy discovered during our New Year's Eve hotpot dinner that she picked Kow Fu's English name (because she thought Andy was better than Bob - I'd say!). Mummy watched a Jack in the Beanstalk pantomime at the Oxford Playhouse with Lorraine. She reported that it was funny, she could understand what the actors were saying (but not the innuendos), and there was audience participation - oh yes there was! Facebook says Mummy's personality is that of a rottweiler (good friend, scary enemy), while Daddy is a Labrador retriever (optimistic, one call away). Go figure! Daddy's bath pump was a failure. County, Wednesday, and Forest back to winning ways! False dawns?

Week of December 24th 2023 - Written

Jeremy was very delighted with himself after another presentation at work. His project will be implemented, after Tom's approval. He'll be showing Sally how to operate it in the New Year, which should keep him busy until his first year anniversary. Mummy received a box of ale as a reminder that she has finished her first year at Greene King. This reward has only just been introduced, so there were some jealous faces in the office. She won an Amazon Firestick in the staff Christmas raffle, and gave it to Kath - because she does not want to pay to watch TV. In return, Kath drove Mummy home after the staff Christmas gathering at The White Horse. Mummy gave the very wide office cleaner a present, but she says she doesn't like chocolate. Daddy told an online retailers' chatbot that the presents he ordered were taking too long to arrive, so he had to cancel. He forgot to bring Millie's present to Pablo, but arrived before she and Mummy turned up. He bought replacement presents that arrived in time for the big day. Jeremy knows how we have always prepared for Santa's arrival. Dominic's Christmas Eve duck dinner, with log cake, was a big success - although we are not sure if Mummy's brother et al enjoyed it as much as we did. Mummy decided to go to bed at 10pm, and insisted Daddy sleep with her (she usually naps on the sofa). She was up and about at 5am, annoying Daddy, eating avocado and Weetabix. But it meant we could go outside and look at the stunning sunrise tinted sky. Traitor Wootton had to score against County - it was written (just like this diary). 

Week of December 18th 2023 - Presents

Jeremy has been sniffing a bit, and missing D&D sessions as a precaution. He says he will be fine for Christmas. Mummy might not be, on account of having to work late most days because (still sulking) Max has decided to take the rest of the month off sick. Daddy has been preparing various presents for Mummy, Max, Grace and others. Charlie got hers alright, but there have been delivery issues with some. Daddy got stuck talking to the old gentleman in 20B (ex-Barclays banker (like his father before him), rugby coach, runs to Sutton Courtney etc) when he picked up Mummy's new iPhone brick. He has to be careful walking past his always-occupied window. Dominic baked cookies for his team as he met them for a Christmas lunch in London. His secret Santa present was Pikachu moulds. Daddy hair cut. County need a defence.

Week of December 11th 2023 - Party

Jeremy passed his presentation to Tom about the progress of his project with Sally the data analyst. This was only possible because of a positive development early in the week, which meant that he could get their server to read the data it was receiving. Jeremy then attended Maritrace's 1920s-themed Christmas party in Royal Leonardo Hotel in Tower Hill with Quin. They were able to sit on the train into London. This was important because he was carrying Daddy's tuxedo, heavy black coat and his tiny bow tie. Quin carried their full length dark green dress, with a headband, and Mummy's long strings of pearls. Later, Mummy gifted the pearls to them. There were other tables at the hotel ballroom (dentists etc). Entertainment included swing music, dancing, and a boy band. Quin and Jeremy attempted some alcohol fuelled dancing. The party finished late. Quin says that Jeremy snores quietly, and wriggles when he sleeps. They returned home the following day, after a late breakfast, with the hotel's complimentary bottle of Merlot. There was lipstick on Jeremy's collar! So old fashioned. A volunteer took the wonkiest photo, of Abingdon's wonky Christmas tree, ever! It's official, Dominic's cough has vanished. Daddy's Dali print arrived. It had been left outside 20F! Christmas carols was fun as usual. We reproduced the Merry Christmas Youtube video Daddy posted in 2007. Lorraine still remembers thunder thighs! Damage. County lost to Walsall. Double damage. Jeremy and Quin both had a hair cut before the party (there was a major discussion at Forresters about how to make Jeremy look like Clark Gable, bearing in mind he has Asian hair).

Week of December 4th 2023 - Trimming a dropped phone

Jeremy is prepared for his 20s Christmas party. He fits in Daddy's old tuxedo, and will cut his hair short before next weekend. Work has been going good, as he's been co-ordinating well with a data analyst in Scotland. Mummy said that Max was sulking all day Monday because she did not get the promotion she had applied for. She watched in amazement at the childish ruckus over Driver Hire Oxford swag that was delivered by Thomas and Anton. She can confirm that Boris was escorted off the premises. Mummy is banned from watching Korean movies in the bathroom after she dropped her phone in the bath. A box of rice dried it out. Dominic went into London to meet a bunch of ex-Rocketeers. They ate Mexican and reminisced. He stayed at the Z Hotel, and got a massive upgrade: a two storey room. There was a fire alarm at work, so he had to walk down 21 floors to safety. Instead of waiting for the all clear, his team went to the pub instead for some mulled wine. It's been cold walking with Mummy - because it is Winter time. We trimmed our tiny Christmas tree on Friday (accompanied by Mr. Buble, a log fire on the TV, and baby Guinesses), Daddy finally got to photograph the annual Christmas parade through town, and then we watched someone called Katy Ellis impersonate Katy Perry before the lights were illuminated on the tree in the Marketplace on Saturday, and then helped Lorraine put her tree up on Sunday. Trimmy. Daddy asked Santa for a signed Dali print - we think he obliged. County gained some ground.

Week of November 27th 2023 - Shaved, broke, shopped

Jeremy decided to remove the stubble from his chin, but no one noticed. Mummy finally asked to feel his chin: only there was nothing there. Unusually, he was asked for some ID at The Narrows, the day he had removed his chin growth and so looked underage. The four of them traveled in Ewan's car to a print illustration art exhibition in London so Quin can network. But it was so crowded, they were unable to speak to anyone. Jeremy bought a pair of earrings for them, which upset Mummy no end. Rho could not get in due to a lack of access for wheelchairs. He's been attending card nights at the Clockwork on a regular basis these days, playing Magic with ex-college friends. Eating at the White Horse with his friends seems a rather long way to walk for a gathering in the cold rain. Mummy has accumulated so many Christmas presents, we have had to put them in a box for wrapping. She went to Millets and Bicester, with Andy and the rest of the Chan clan. Eddie paid for lunch, despite the fact he had his wallet stolen in a park in London while he was jogging. Mummy is being bugged by a driver at work, who thinks she's not smiling enough. He also noticed that she had only painted one set of fingernails. This is reason enough not to smile, she said. She pleaded with Ian to not talk so loud in the office. Later, he whispered if she would like a coffee. Mummy was excited to talk in Cantonese to a broken bottle washer in the warehouse. Dominic had a hair cut, and had to fight with other Narnia fans to take a photograph of the lion door on St. Mary's Passage in Oxford. He traveled into work for a day. It is much cheaper going by train off-peak. His cough persists. County must solve their defensive frailties, sharpish.  

Week of Movember 20th 2023 - Growing, fixing, shopping

Jeremy is attempting to grow his bum fluff for the month of Movember. Just to see what will happen. No one seems to have noticed. He spent six hours talking to Quin on an online date. She didn't seem to notice. We only noticed because it looked like he had some dirt on the end of his chin. Daddy attended Oscar's parent tutor meeting at Larkmead, as an observer and translator. Oscar, amazingly, forgot to turn up. Mummy went ballistic when she was told of his absence. His tutor, Mr. Barber, would have reminded him, only an hour earlier. End result: Oscar has been behaving himself. Ironically, 94% attendance rate, but no grades yet. Oscar's parents turned up at the door unannounced (as is their way) frantically waving a four-pack of toilet paper for us to try. Mummy found this most hilarious. She lost her mind shopping with them in Reading. Shopping for snacks in Costco, walking around IKEA's maze, and buying a massive turnip at the Chinese supermarket. Reminded her of her mind-blowing snack shopping in Bangkok. Daddy had to fix another tile from Portugal, with some super strong glue (mui mui knocked over the big blue one, and Daddy tipped over the smaller one). Daddy eventually managed to retrieve an Amazon delivery from upstairs. American, Judith Judson (for that is her name), had locked herself out, and had called a locksmith to let her in, and change the locks. We don't think she has informed the landlord of this. Prior to this, she had refused to respond to Daddy's gentle/frantic knocking on her door. Atomic Fries from nearby King's Head are tasty, but pricey (and they must be delivered). Daddy found the source of the minor pungent smell in the kitchen. A neglected, small jug of milk, had been transformed into a lump of rancid cheese! Dominic's cough has eased slightly. County almost blew it, on the box, against Bradford. 

Week of November 13th 2023 - One week in Bangkok

Jeremy was glad to see Rho up and about at lunch. He spent the week missing his mother, and joining Daddy for more vampiric nonsense. Mummy's week in hot but overcast Bangkok started with mahjong, and continued with daily massages, much eating, mental shopping for Thai snacks and a £20 hair cut at Mama Mia's. In between there were staggered goodbyes to Kim and then Vivian (she shared a bed with the latter, when Kim left). Wendy scared the wits out of a taxi driver, who turned around, while driving, to ask which one of the sisters was paying. Wendy almost cried when she said goodbye to Mummy. Mummy rated the trip 10/10 and is already arranging another trip. She was detained again at Heathrow, with the Border Force person explaining that it might take nine months before her 2017 record is cleared. She arrived home at 11pm, and was in bed at 2am, even though she slept on the flight between the two meals. The following day, she slept intermittently, before going to bed at 8pm, and getting up at 3am. Dominic's cough continued through the week. Two little medicine balls made of Thai centipede, that tasted like hell, did nothing. The result of his super taster experiment may have been tainted because Angela put the test strips in a coffee bag. Daddy, Granddad and Neil were the only ones who did not taste anything. Daddy got more smokes (his total contraband stash stands at a record 2,000 - enough to last until July). Passed 200k words on this diary.

Week of November 6th 2023 - Thai bat

Jeremy is not binge watching What we do in the Shadows with Daddy and Dominic as much as he should, because it is very, very funny. We will continue watching season five next week. He has been told he has five months to prove his worth at Maritrace, so he can be promoted to junior developer. Mummy and Daddy caught a Twelve Transfer taxi to Heathrow at 7am, only to arrive at 8.15am because the driver knew all the short-cuts. Mummy checked in at Thai Airways and passed through security/passports with no issues. She emerged in time for a huge breakfast. Daddy took the bus back and was home at 11am, an hour before she took off. She had her first of many massages while she waited for Wendy and Kim to arrive at her hi-rise Avani Sukhumvit Bangkok Hotel near NUT in Bangkok. She was very surprised to see Vivien (replacement for tearful por por), and her mahjong set. She has jet-lag, and is eating a lot. Based on her Facebook profile, if Mummy was not a human, she would be a cat: sleeps and eats a lot, not easy to please. Daddy would be a rose: beautiful and delicate. Go figure. Dominic went into London for work for a day, now that his cough has subsided. Daddy finally got another gate opener from Jacqueline - Jeremy is in possession of it. We learned that the new tenant upstairs is a CEO who spends her time commuting to Boston, Mass. and back. Sounds a bit dodgy to us. County should have thrown the FA Cup match against Crawley so they can concentrate.

Week of October 30th 2023 - Chef and eating

Jeremy didn't go into work on Monday because he developed a cough. It only lasted a day. He recovered enough to attend a card night, and a pre-Halloween cosplay party. His friends dressed up as themselves: a Goth, an elf, and British army soldier. The soldier is actually in the REME, but didn't wear his real uniform. Jeremy dressed as a chef, with a well drawn moustache by Daddy using Mummy's eyeliner, despite the fact he can't cook. Daddy acted as tour guide for a day, taking Alex's mother, Becky, to St Helen's, the abbey, across the bridge, to the lock, and back. We ate at Java, Pablo, White Horse and Nags Head. Mummy traveled into London to meet Sandra for tea at The Wolseley, and Shirley at M&S Cafe. In between, she talked for ages with Eddie and found out some interesting facts about him and her family. She stayed overnight at the Best Western (£130), and was upgraded to a larger, taller, room.  Mummy discovered that Sue, from her Willow Shake knitting circle, is Oxfordshire's secret post box topper crochet maker. Sue has revealed her identity and has decided to stop making them due to the vandalism inflicted on her creations. Sad. Dominic's cough is persistent and consistent. Hot chocolate with a large splash of bourbon before bed is not helping him. County (who are not being bought by Taylor Swift) are wobbling, but are still second!

Week of October 23rd 2023 - 2-0 and you messed it up!

Jeremy appeared to have recovered from his Italian flu, so much so that he could attend a company dinner in Witney, but Mummy's and Dominic's coughs deteriorated further. Mummy tested negative for COVID, and sneezed multiple times after sticking the cotton bud up her little nose. The journey to and from the City Ground to watch Forest play Luton was fraught with Satnav failures around Northampton, long traffic jams while workmen picked up litter, and, because of the extra journey time, Granddad having to relieve himself against Lorraine's Masarati. He was surprised by the presence of Alan and Hillary, and by the half time birthday message. Unfortunately, Luton equalized in extra time, prompting the away supported to sing: Two nil and you f'ed it up. Lorraine's taunting with the foam hand at 2-0 didn't help. We were the last to leave the executive boxes. Mummy has the amazing ability to balance her ipad when she's sleeping on the sofa. She was smiling while sleeping because she was watching a comedy just before she nodded off. Daddy embarrassed himself by gesturing to the rental furniture delivery men. He thought their van window was up, because they failed to recognize his initial greeting. Mummy worked until 7pm one day, making Daddy wait for over an hour outside. On our way home we met Max, who was walking perfectly fine. Daddy missed the Abingdon Marathon for the fifth time. The runners went through in half an hour, according to Matt the weekend manager for St. Ethelwold's. Mummy and Daddy had tea (a pot of hot water with some mint leaves in it) at Grand Cafe in Oxford while we waited for a very delayed Becky. Mummy took her to Oxford Castle, and Victor's. County are still second after a nice win. England lost to S Africa at cricket and rugby, with the latter match decided by a dodgy refereeing decision.

Week of October 16th 2023 - Roman Holiday pt. 2

After Sunday's performance we decided to find a new place to have breakfast, and found the patisserie selling the best maritozzi in Rome, at Regoli. Mummy also discovered the restaurant next door, Aloft, sold edible siu long bau. We walked to the Roman forum, which Mummy correctly described as a bunch of ruins. Witnessed a demonstration in the road about an increase in juvenile crime. Found that you can enter the forum up the hill - with no queue. Took another Roman Holiday photo. Big black guy threw bracelets at us for free, then asked for money. Walked to a cafe for a drink. Typically, the toilets were horrid, even though they had a gate security system. Mummy did some serious shopping at Anteprima and others. Daddy bought an abstract watercolour from very loud Roberto Alessandri at Gallerie Margutta. O-A-C means only accept cash, so we had to find an ATM. Mummy had her third gelato at Spanish steps. Last Roman Holiday photo. Metro to Felice for our 9.30pm online booking. Expectations were high, when Stephano greeted Steven. But when the hyperactive waiter arrived, it dived. He only took food orders, no wine. The tripe was only available on the weekend, and the Monday specials had finished. He seemed very friendly with everyone except us. The old American and his young black thing, tipped him with a big note. We asked for dessert menu, it never arrived. Returned disappointed by taxi. We boys' Roman feet (second toe is shorter than big) walked 14.1km (Mummy has Greek feet: second toe longer than big toe). Daddy developed mild flu symptoms overnight. Jeremy was already under the weather. Caught early Metro to Vatican, Mummy fell down when the trained stopped suddenly. Escorted into quite rubbish Vatican museum maze. Daddy got emotional when we finally reached the Sistine Chapel. Chinese take away dinner, with Jeremy flat out ill. Dude with bicycle asked for a smoke. Daddy said yes, but only if he can take his photo. The guy took the cigarette, and walked off, saying a ciggy is not worth enough. They are half the price compared with UK! We walked 7.2km. Final breakfast at NIVIS, with specially-made maritozzi. Randomly walked into a church, with a famous Greek Orthodox style Jesus and Mary painting. Mummy bought an image from the store for Sabrina's health, from an elderly Cantonese man. It's the same as the icon we bought from Athens. Our last meal was at very friendly Branca, where they gave us a free starter (tomatoes on toast with olive oil). Arrived at airport very early by taxi, saw woman on the ground after a motorbike accident. Top tip: you don't need to show your goods when claiming VAT at the airport. It's all automatic. Bought duty free. Daddy smoked loads in the airport's many smoking lounges. Arrived at Gatwick, but had to wait at passport control because a small, bald, Border Force man wanted to get Mummy's record from 2017 removed, so she won't be stopped every time she comes into the country. There was no immediate bus to Oxford. So we caught a taxi instead. We walked 8.9km. Overall rating for (walking) trip, 8/10 (56km all told). Many wow moments, some rude Italians spoiled the general friendliness of the majority. Weather was sunny at 32 degrees, lots of priests/nuns, too many tourists. We were impressed with the stylishly dressed Italian elderly men, the custom of drinking an espresso standing up at the cafe counter, and the fact that pedestrians have the right of way over cars. Mummy devoured the gelato, while we boys loved the parakeets, the art/architecture and the little water fountains. Noted that Marxists were everywhere, Italian men aren't very tall, they say mama mia! a lot, everyone smokes, and Italian music is rubbish (except Mascagni ). After arriving home, we all ended up with flu symptoms. Daddy couldn't hear again. Mummy bravely went into work on Friday. Jeremy told Mummy not to feel too bad about her weight gain (we all added something), because he put on a whole pound! County were hammered on public TV, but remain second.

Week of October 9th 2023 - Roman Holiday pt. 1

Jeremy took a thick bacon sandwich, which was given to Mummy, into work. But the traffic around Abingdon has been terrible, with lots of jams. The lights in the house flickered after lightening and an explosion in Oxford, making the traffic jams even worse. Daddy's two-inch slip-on wedges arrived. Watch out shorties! Jeremy is now the DM of a new D&D adventure. Mummy has spent a lot of time in Siam Paragon shopping mall in Bangkok, she may need a protective spell in November. The dentist, P. Sands, refused to remove Oscar's teeth, thus wasting Mummy's time. Daddy's felt young talking to Kathryn of TUI about cruise ideas for next year (she couldn't find a Sistine skip the line pass. Daddy did though). Daddy asked to check passports ahead of our trip to Rome this year. Jeremy sheepishly asked if that included him. Yes Boo Boo, you are coming too. Daddy checked the taxi booking after Mummy called to make sure it was going to arrive. He noticed that the telephone numbers were a bit consistent (0987654321 etc). After calling the number, he realised the company abingdontaxi.co.uk doesn't exist. Panicked, he call 12 Transfers and booked a real taxi. After waking at 5.00am, the taxi, with Kirthi in it, arrived and got us to Gatwick South a hour early. We had time for a fried breakfast. The Wizz Air check-in man warned Daddy about his wallet, because the suitcase only weighed 11kg (compared with 20kg max), meaning there was lots of space for Mummy's shopping. A black baggage security man lovingly stroked Mummy's Lulu Guiness bag. She had an eye drop bottle in it. He emptied the tiny amount of liquid. Daddy had to escort Mummy through all passport controls because her epassport doesn't work. We arrived 2hours later in Rome at 3.30pm but was delayed leaving the plane due to someone blocking the aisle. The steward was concerned about weight and balance issues with the aircraft. We think it was due to a fear the plane might tip over! We walked down the stairs off the plane and waited in the scorching heat for a bus to arrive. Daddy was lost after his post-flight ciggy, but found everyone at the taxi stand. It cost a fixed euro50 to our hotel. We had to take a two person lift to our hotel reception on the first floor. Mummy compared the building, which is home to many hotels, to Chungking Mansions. An old man loudly checked us in. Our adjacent rooms 218 and 228 were quiet, clean and the bathrooms were very good. No view, shutters closed. Aircon worked, but no quilt, and Mummy didn't like using the gold coloured counterpane. Jeremy volunteered to sleep on the single bed, while Dominic had the double. We unpacked and walked to our breakfast patisserie (NIVIS) for our first of many espressos, but Jeremy had a beer. We noticed that Jeremy had been wearing his jumper backwards the whole time. Daddy couldn't hear properly for 24hrs. Walked to the Colosseum (the first of many wow moments) and waited for the sunset. Caught a taxi to Ristoro degli Angeli, Via Luigi Orlando, 2. Taxi ripped us off at euro45. The restaurant wasn't open, so we had Aperol spritz (the first of many) and olives in a bar round the corner. Jeremy said it was too early to drink beer! Noticed that Dominic had mosquito bites on his legs. Bought some cream at a very old style pharmacy. We sat outside the restaurant, drank Valpolicella and ate raw tuna, chicken, stuffed squid, ravioli, a salami/cheese plate. The manager, Gabriele Giannattasio, was delighted we took his photo. Michelin star food at euro177. The taxi back cost euro17. Showers and bed at midnight. Great first day. Only walked 6.4km. There were two power outages during the night at 2am and 3am. Daddy was awake for both due to a caffeine overdose. We had breakfast at NIVIS, after Daddy bought a new pair of euro10 shades to replace the ones he lost, and walked to the Pantheon. Roman Holiday photo. Massive queues to get in, so we sat in Caffe Di Rienzo and ordered the only pizza we ate on the trip, and then watched the tourists bake for 2.5 hours. The vintage watch shop Daddy found was closed for lunch when he showed it to Mummy. Walked to Spanish Steps, we stumbled across the Palazzo Colonna (last scene from Roman Holiday). Spanish Steps was heaving with people. When preparing another Roman Holiday photo with an ice cream, a police woman shouted: no food! Shopping. Caught the Metro back to Termini (queued for tickets, when we could have used our cards to tap on). Rested, then dinner at a local restaurant, Trattoria Cecio, very tasty with fun waiters. More Valpolicella, and el dente pasta that tasted like gung jai mean. Cost euro177 again. Second day walking 9.3km. Sunday breakfast at NIVIS was a disaster, because the dressed up locals were stopping for their espressos after mass and the waiters couldn't serve us. Visited Santa Maria Maggiore basilica. Daddy sang along with the Gregorian chanting. Walked to mentally packed Trevi fountain. Mummy gave all our change to street sleepers/beggars, so, no three coins. Long lunch at Vitti Roma while Mummy shopped. Dominic gracefully crossed himself with holy water at San Lorenzo in Lucina across the square. Returned to hotel by Metro, Mummy rubbed some excess cream on Daddy's leg that she didn't like. Turns out it was the shower gel that Daddy mistakenly bought and thought was moisturizer at IBIS. Mummy laughed so hard, she lost control of herself. Dinner was at Flavio al Velavevodetto. Metro to Pyramid, then a walk in the dark around the Pyramid of Cestius. We were early so we got a table, but in the end, there was a queue to get in. Daddy's choice of food was awful. Codfish too salty, breaded lamb too dry. Jeremy had rabbit and Dominic kid in the same cooking style, Mummy had the beef. Valpolicella again. Taxi home euro17, and late night drinks (martini, long island) locally. Sunday walking: 10.3km. County drew but are still top, England's rugby going well.

Week of October 2nd 2023 - Combing a watery BBQ

Jeremy said goodbye to Quin again as they returned to Farnham for their final year of school learning. He says he needs to wash his hair everyday, because his mother says he has dandruff (he does not). This will not help our attempts to reduce our water consumption. This rose, according our Thames Water bill,  by 7% in the past six months to 1,200 cups of tea a day. He will have to be more careful with his comb, which he briefly lost. Mummy asked him to retrace his steps to ASK, where had just finished eating dinner (30% off the bill). He made it to the sofa, and found his precious grooming implement, between the cushions. Mummy is getting the hots for Strictly's Giovanni again, and a hunky new driver at work, who has green eyes. Mummy is feeling nostalgic drinking powdered ice lemon tea. We celebrated Mid-Autumn with custard/double egg mooncakes and a BBQ with kow fu. Daddy drank too many Manhattans. He joined Granddad's birthday lunch at Gusto. John Douglas (aka Dawson) and his Dame Edna impersonator moved out of the flat upstairs. They are returning home to Australia. Our nosey elderly neighbour, Ethel (?), quizzed Daddy about John, as he held the gate for her. She was shocked to hear we have lived in our little rabbit hole for seven whole years. We have booked the taxi to Gatwick, Daddy is making an agenda,  and are waiting for boarding passes for for the flight to Rome. Getting a Global Health Insurance Certificate is a nightmare of administrative hoops. Next week's diary will be late. County still top, despite the Colchester loss.

Week of September 25th 2023 - Electric jet-lag

Jeremy continued to pine after Quin, who finally returned from their Florida ordeal (too long, hot and regimented). He took his mind off by going for an indoor swim with incapacitated Rho for 1.5 hours. He didn't have to go into work for two days, because there was no electricity for the whole of Witney industrial estate. He says he thinks about the Roman Empire all the time. Dominic couldn't think of anything for most of the week, as he suffered terribly from the dreaded jet-lag. He actually lost weight despite eating American food for two weeks: 121.2lbs. He's on bananas for breakfast. Food. We walked for three hours to Radley Lakes and back. Exercise. Mummy and Daddy were splashed on the way home by a car that was pulling into and parking at a bus stop. Illegal. Mummy finished another jumper, and started Daddy's bee-design one (she understood the joke: the extra bee is a free bee/freebie). Daddy caught her giggling in her sleep. She received another delivery of wool, and can now sing the nursery rhyme: "yes sir, yes sir, three bags full". She didn't have to cook all week as we ate at Pizza Express, ASK, had all-day breakfast, and take-aways. Nom nom. The four-inch long privet hawk-moth caterpillar in the garden has eaten half a bush. Daddy hair-cut. County top again.

Week of September 18th 2023 - Returned to US

Jeremy is still helplessly missing Quin, as he could not do anything about their panic because, on one particular day, they left their comforter dragon, called Figment, at the villa the Cooke's are staying in. Jeremy spent the whole day with Rho, and had to take a long diversion from work because of the erratic traffic around Abingdon these days. He returned from Oxford with KFC, which was a small bonus. Dominic arrived home on Sunday and gave us a run down of his two weeks in the USA with Angela. He said he didn't want to give daily updates, because he wanted to "stay in the present". During first week in Wyoming/Idaho they: ate bison burgers, saw bison, moose, an osprey, pikas, bald eagles, and chipmonks roaming about, they went white water rafting (they fell out of the boat without losing anything), drank in a cowboy saloon, and watched a rodeo. The highlight was watching the sun rise over a fog-covered mountain valley. They returned to Philadelphia and spent the second week chilling at various restaurants and bars, although work-from-home Angela made home-made food too. The lowlight was leaving. Mummy has her two sons back. She had to work late most days because Max was on holiday. She says that when she tries to go faster, it actually makes her work slower. She pulled one of Daddy's nose hairs and two more appeared! Daddy went in to DH Ox for the last time for a while. He spent a grueling 3.5 hours on the bus in one day. County still winning.

Week of September 11th 2023 - Snapped

Jeremy is feeling a little lonely because Quinn has gone to Disneyland for three weeks with her family. Apparently, the Cooke's flew first class to Florida, thus renewing their annual pilgrimage to the ultimate happy place. Dominic didn't sound very happy a little further north of the country. In fact, he was unusually quiet (for a man of few words) through the whole week. He sent us one stunning panorama of Idaho's mountains, but when he did manage to message us, he spent most of the time telling us how tired he was. Mummy is never tired of pampering herself, so she had her hair coloured. However, it nearly didn't happen, because Gemma of Forresters was convinced that Mummy's hair had become so brittle that it must have snapped. Mummy explained that she had cut her hair herself, but didn't mention that she used nail scissors. She was very blond for a while, but she ended up a mousy brown instead. Daddy went into DHire Ox to help out where he could. He had a swim (in the colder part of the pool) with his father to cool off in the unseasonal heat. Daddy witnessed a hot robbery at Co-op. A young lad tried to steal a can of Cola, but was chased out of the store by a large member of staff. She even apologized to Daddy for the ruckus (unlike the policemen that switched on their car's sirens as Mummy and Daddy were legally crossing a pedestrian crossing). Daddy made like a demented badger when a bee landed on his arm while he was waiting for Mummy to finish work. He even threw his water bottle at it. The local truckies must have been puzzled and amused. We gave a puzzled Granddad an early birthday present of a grand ticket to watch Forest vs Luton play from box 30 at the City Ground. Daddy nervously booked five nights at Amadeus in Rome.

Week of September 4th 2023 - Only one son now!

Jeremy has spent a lot of time with Quin ahead of their return to university. He watched Oppenheimer and gave the film an 8, but Abbey Theatre only got a 7 despite having good access for Rho, nice chairs and tables, and cold drinks on their arrival. Quin used their mood board to describe her ideal wedding (LoTR themed). Magic the Gathering card night at Clockwork was unusual for him. Daddy woke up early to see Dominic off to the US. Mummy says she only has one son now. He arrived a hour too early at Heathrow, and landed in Philadelphia in quick time. Angela liked the Peter Rabbit he bought for her at Harrods. He's jet-lagged, but the weather was fine, and he's already practicing walking and spotting wildlife ahead of his trip to Idaho. He had a very quick, two hour lunch with his Grandparents at Cote before his trip. Daddy had to go into Driver Hire to help out again ahead of Thomas' holiday. Mummy had to work on the bank holiday. She is calmer now about an unresponsive orthodontist. She had to complain about gnats in her Merloc at Pablo. She may be about to stop feeding her sourdough starter. Our resident squirrel reclaimed the walnut it had hidden in a plant pot in our yard. Mummy is reminded of Daddy's anger at Bath by the joke: what do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce: chicken Caesar salad. Grrr! County top of the pops! Yeah!

Week of August 28th 2023 - Meetings and eating meats

Jeremy woke at 3am to catch his lift to Luton for his Wizzair flight to Poland. Daddy saw him off at the door on his first business trip. He returned from neat and tidy Wroclaw and looked quite fresh considering it was another very early flight. He gave the trip a 7/10 rating because he had to work so hard. They stayed at the Radisson Blu and spent five days with Roman and Jacek of Azuro trying to figure out how to put branches on a tree trunk-designed database. He found time to shop: ciggies and a gnome for Daddy, a ceramic squirrel for Dominic, some plushies for Quinn, and local vodka for his Grandparents. Nothing for Mummy. She will not forget this oversight any time soon, made worse by the face he still had ~Zloty300 from his debit card spending allowance. He played a lot of catch up upon his return and was convinced he'd put on weight after eating large amounts of meat (knuckle, schnitzel etc), pickled cabbage, and drinking lots of beer (he broke a pint glass at an Irish pub). Turns out he actually lost weight: Jeremy 132.9lb (-0.5lbs), Dominic 122.5 (-0.8), Daddy 159.5 (no change) and Mummy 120.7 (+0.9). The Polish weather was hot +30 degrees, so sweating in their constant meetings at the hotel may have contributed to his weight loss. Getting kicked out of a bar because the president of Wroclaw was meeting a Ukranian woman was strange, but understandable in the current situation. His gunfight and end of the world dream was probably stress related. Dominic is next to fly somewhere (Victor, Idaho!). Daddy had to travel in to Driver Hire Oxford to help out, because Farrell's pregnant wife was having complications. He met Anton and input lots of data. Grandma pushed Daddy into her pool for the fifth year in a row. It was the coldest of the five dips at 25 degrees. Thanks to Granddad for the lift from work, meant that Mummy could bring home lots of cheap drinks for the new drinks rack. Daddy has been stalked by a cat late at night - is that you missing Cindy? or is it Flora? Mummy had a dream about Wendy and Alex visiting us. She's knocking off ponchos for fun, now that she's got the technique right. She's now at genius level at crochet. Daddy booked Rome flights. County up to 4th.

Week of August 21st 2023 - Water leak

Mummy packed Jeremy's bag ahead of his business trip to Poland. She went with the boys to Oxford to shop for new clothes (even though she doesn't like shopping). No wonder pubs are closing everywhere (there are rumours Broad Face could be next). Mummy and Daddy went to the White Horse for dinner (Jeremy was playing D&D and Dominic went into London to play for the day) but they had: no Abingdon Bridge, no blue cheese burger, and no eggs for the gammon. Mummy was knocked out by a pint of Madri. It wasn't beer that was making the rain sound in the house at 8am. John's boiler upstairs had exploded and was leaking water into his place and ours. Eventually he switched off the water, and we had to assess our damage with sweaty James. A small water stain on the ceiling was all we could find. But the incident was scary and annoying because Daddy had asked agent Breckon at our last property inspection to get someone to service our boiler. His request was ignored. Mummy made a cute poster for some free tickets for the lads in the depot to watch Oxford City play Boreham Wood. Unfortunately, there were only four and the game is on a bank holiday. Mummy bought a bottle of Argentinian Merloc without realising its the same wine we drank on her birthday in Bath. She only bought it because it was on sale. Amazon refunded us £7 and told us not to bother sending back the spray bottles that Mummy didn't like. Daddy had a dream about arriving in the UK without his passport. The PM came out of a packed lift, after helping Mummy with her suitcases. Immigration and Jeremy's trip. Both gladioli snapped and were brought indoors. Dominic hair cut.

Week of August 14th 2023 - Good deed

Jeremy had a smooth week at work. He thinks it was because of his good deed when he  handed a purse that was left on a seat by a regular on the 15 to the bus driver. She arrived without her NHS bus pass the following day and explained that the bus company had her purse, and can she travel free as usual. Yes was the reply. He's been making his own lunch, with varying degrees of success. Mummy has had to contend with a very, inexplicably, angry Max at work. Mummy finished crocheting her first of many multi-coloured ponchos. She says Gerald at Willows Shake thinks she can sell her ponchos at his shop. Genius. She suddenly admitted that she doesn't like shopping, after arranging her trip to meet Wendy el al and her mother in Bangkok. Unbelievable. Daddy was on then off with DH Ox. He had to arrange a spare car key and cancel a dentist appointment for Vienn. He has been pelted all week by a moss throwing animal while puffing in our yard. County did a good deed by beating Grimsby in front of 13k.

Week of August 7th 2023 - Wow anniversary knee

Jeremy's colleagues (and their wives) took him to a Nepalese/Thai fusion restaurant in a hotel in Witney to celebrate the end of his probation. Sam drove him home. Poland trip dates were pushed back a week. Mummy and Daddy celebrated their anni/birthday with a meal at Bella Napoli and a lovely family gathering at Lorraine's. Daddy got a gnome and a bottle of port for his birthday. Daddy got on one knee and gave Mummy an expertly readjusted wedding band he had hidden for weeks. Their anniversary cards were remarkably similar. However, their scores on a Facebook algorithm app called Wow were complete opposites. She scored 386% while Daddy's was only 0.1%. It means Mummy never forgets a slight, while Daddy will forgive/forget one almost instantly. Dominic downloaded a massive D&D game and played and played and played. He's completed a ninth of it. He seemed quite relaxed after his video-call meeting with a disgruntled customer. England won at cricket - but only after Daddy stopped watching as he had to walk Mummy home. We missed Jeremy's 15 bus by seconds, and almost gave up on another, but it turned up as we started walking home. Mummy violently slashed 2-3 inches off her hair - with a pair of nail scissors. Not funny. Mummy started laughing before Daddy told her a joke, which she said, after hearing it, was too deep and required too much thinking (I heard a joke about inflation last year, but it's not worth telling now). County were tanked.

Week of July 31st 2023 - Barbie youths

Jeremy confirmed the end of his probation at MariTrace and that there will be a company dinner next week to celebrate this important milestone. He has confirmed dates for a week-long work trip to Poland. He went to see Barbie with some friends in Oxford, but had to evacuate Nando's because of a false fire alarm. It only lasted 10 minutes, so they declined the refund and drank the rose, and had more drinks at the Alchemist. He gave the movie 9/10 for its cutting satire. Mummy's Barbie night the following evening was well-worth the effort, with most of the girls and Jeremy wearing some sort of pink  apparel at the Crown. Quin's outfit and blonde wig were the highlight. Mummy liked our atmospheric Abbey Theatre, but the pricy pink gins were served in paper cups with straws. As a counterbalance, Daddy and Dominic had beers and burgers at a noisy King's Head. Mummy slapped Daddy in the head in bed, because she had pins and needles in her arm and had lost control of her movements. She tested negative for COVID, after she came in contact with an infected driver. Mummy has decided to call Daddy the village idiot after he ordered a pint of Village Idiot ale with his dinner at Broadface. Dominic's one-day trip to meet with his colleagues in London solved nothing. Mummy did her poo test. Mummy had to be escorted home by Daddy from Willows because some rowdy youngsters on bicycles were stalking an old lady in the shop. Daddy heard a staff at Co-op shouting at some youngsters who she suspected were shoplifting. Irony: What is the world coming to? : )

Week of July 24th 2023 - Veggie

Jeremy has cracked a puzzle at work, and is feeling needed. After last week's (over) weigh-in, he has decided some of his jeans don't fit any more, so he went to Oxford with his mother to buy new ones (as well as buy his brother and Daddy new t shirts). They had a massive lunch, as well as tea at Endorphin, just to hammer home the point. Mummy has decided to catch the 15 bus at 5.45pm back from work so she can sit with Jeremy. She insists she not trolling him. She got angry with a drayman at work who keeps asking her when he returns from a drop: "Have you missed me?"  She doesn't know who Tom Jones is, but she nearly went to horse-loving Newbury with Lorraine to watch him croon. She didn't understand the point of throwing underwear at him. Mummy was given a free bacon sandwich by a Greene King driver on vegetarian day. Jeremy is taking lunch into work everyday. Daddy had a dream that he was in Nazi-occupied Vienna and there was no food. Veggie day dominates our life. Daddy picked up Mummy's expanded wedding ring and will give it to her on our anniversary (if she still wants it). Cygnet count was -40% this year. : ( 

Week of July 17th 2023 - Anger weights

Jeremy had to wear formal shoes when he met Quin and their sister Steph and partner Giles at a wine bar in Oxford. They had attended a formal lunch beforehand, so he didn't want to look out of place. Mummy got so excited at randomly meeting Jeremy on the 15 bus that she almost forgot to pay. Daddy plucked up the courage to tell the boys the story of how he went super sai yin angry when a waitress delivered a Caesar salad to someone else instead of Mummy during our trip to Bath. He had to speak to the manager privately when it eventually turned up, even through he had told the waiter to cancel the order. Mummy thought it was highly amusing that Daddy lost his temper on her behalf. But she was even more amused when Daddy found one of her tiny green knitting markers on our dark green sofa. Lucky, because it was her last one, having lost the other 19 with her violent knitting technique. Mummy bought tickets to watch the Barbie movie, but for the wrong day. So Daddy had to go to Abbey Theatre and get them changed (at no extra cost!). She's a lot more accurate at guessing our weights (+/- 2%). She underestimated her boys (Jeremy 133.4 lbs vs her 135 guess: Dominic 123.6 vs 126), and did the opposite for their parents (Daddy 159 vs 159.5 and Mummy 119 vs 119.8). Forest the scarf company finally replied to Daddy's complaint email. It took them 10 days to apologise for the missing HT on the bag. The property inspection was incident free, but we learned that Ben Patterson trashed his flat before he was kicked out by the bailiffs (and he has cystic fibrosis - which might explain his erratic behaviour). Dominic confirmed his US trip.

Week of July 10th 2023 - Birthday Bath bash

Jeremy had to contend with major drama at work, due to a false article written in Seanews, alleging that Maritrace was about to go bust. Written by a disgruntled customer, the offending article was removed and legal proceedings are to begin. He has become cost conscious. He's considering where else to take Quin for dinner that is cheaper (Mummy says he's goo hon!). Reason: he doesn't pay for Quin, and she can't afford Pablo Lounge all the time now that she's not working at Costa. He's more generous giving his hand, to a frail, possibly drunk, elderly gentleman who was having difficulty walking home at night to West St Helens. Mummy and Daddy went hand in hand to Bath on their first holiday alone since their honeymoon in 1989. The journey to Bath was smooth, with the wait in the Prince of Wales in Didcot producing the first use of the word dope in a natural setting. The train to Bath was empty despite the strike action. We walked into Bath town and had a coffee and watch the young tourists goof about around the Oxford-look-alike (but cleaner). We caught a taxi to the MacDonald hotel. Reception didn't have our booking. Eventually found it under the name Wol (supposed to be Wai Ling). Our room was garden level, and the furthest away from the exit. Windows were dirty, and over looked a car park and a busy footpath. Bathroom could do with some new grouting, and the noisy toilet is super close to the door. Bed squeaked. Coffee machine was good. We walked the gardens with its very old trees, and had a drink before dinner. Mummy asked for a double gin with a pistol gesture. Despite saying they had elderflower, they did not put any in her drink. Daddy secretly asked Bessie for something for Mummy's birthday after dinner. A cake with a candle? No problem, she said. It will be complimentary. Dinner was good, but despite asking four times, water never arrived. The birthday plate arrived at 11pm. It was a "happy birthday" in chocolate drizzle, with two petite fours and some tiny fruit. Later discovered it cost £14. The following day Mummy had an Elemis massage by Welsh Bethan (who has very smooth forearms) and blue nail varnish pedicure (Daddy had a bath in Bath), and we had room service for dinner (with a complimentary bottle of red Malbec). Mummy was convinced she was standing outside our room, only to realize it should have been 120, not 320. We left the hotel on check-out, and got lost walking to Bath. Crossed the Pulteney Bridge, had lunch outside Cascara, did not go into the roman baths or the abbey because of the tremendous cost (£92). Went to a nice Topping bookshop, aqua glass is expensive, Milsom Place is busy, spent two hours in the Saracens (Greene King, Bath's oldest pub, 1712, where Dickens stayed). Bought cheese at Paxton. Left at 5.30pm - home at 7pm. Mummy rated the trip 8/10. Mummy teacher (Miss Joey) is very pleased that Oscar passed his English oral exam. Mummy dentist. Attended English speaking class at the library with Vienn, and a Greek, a Italian and England won an Ashes test, but Daddy barely watched. Lunch at Lorraine's for birthday/wedding celebrations had a sense of deja-vu about it. John's back.

Week of July 3rd 2023 - Visa animal cancelled

Jeremy only ate dinner with us twice all week. He's been occupied by frog-loving Quin. Dominic went to London for the day to play with his colleagues. Daddy went to London to pick up Mummy's passport. He thought he saw someone that looked just like Granddad at the bus stop. The Tube in Oxford nearly left without him. He got a senior ticket again, but after the price increase, it cost £28 for the whole 7.5 hours of travelling (£3.73 an hour). Arrived at DX at 1pm, no issues. Went the wrong way to Holburn. Missed the Tube back by minutes. Arrived at Oxford at 3.30pm. Arrived home at 5pm because the coach didn't stop at St Aldates. Mummy's full page US visa is for multiple entries for 10 years. No compensation. Mummy was asked to embrace her mistakes. So she gave Daddy a hug. Daddy was accosted by an old, rose-tinted spectacled, woman in the street, who screamed at her companion to look at him! She thought Daddy was carrying some sort of animal, when, in fact, it was the images on a dragon and tiger on his t shirt. Daddy's debit card was refused by Amazon. He had ignored a fraud alert from HSBC (Curzon and Oxford Bus). HSBC cancelled his card at the branch via telephone banking. While walking with Mummy and explaining his run of poor luck, Daddy flung his arms out, and a very young jogger ran into his arm and knocked his mobile on the pavement. No damage. England damaged by unsportsmanlike Aussies.

Week of June 26th 2023 - Punchy hair cuts

Jeremy completed his first three months at Maritrace, but his probation finishes at the end of the month. Jeremy witnessed a fully-fledged punch up out the King's Head. He had a ringside view and ate his burger while watching the police take statements. Quin is not happy about working at Costa in Didcot - late hours and weekends don't suit her lifestyle - so she may quit. Mummy is constantly being reminded by the courier company to retrieve her fateful passport - so Daddy will pick it up next week using a signed letter and a photocopy of her driving licence. Daddy has been busy donating clothes to the fire station. He opened the big yellow drawer to find a pair of beaten up sneakers in there. No idea why there is a big warning sign telling people not to climb into the container. It's been so hot (30 degrees) Jeremy has taken to removing his socks to stay cool, and Mummy is taking her multi-purpose fan into work. Daddy booked Mummy's birthday massage and mani/pedi at Macdonald Spa Hotel in Bath. Our 35th dating anniversary barely registered - we went to Pablo with the boys. Daddy and Dominic short hair cuts.

Week of June 19th 2023 - No Vegas

Jeremy celebrated Quin's birthday on several occasions during the week, but still found time for a cool summer hair cut. On Monday Mummy and Daddy got caught in a massive storm on our way home. We took shelter at the fire station on Ock Street, and found out that they accept Mummy's second-hand clothes for their charity. We ate and drank at Pablo with Jeremy on tapas Tuesday. Having checked the US Embassy website all that day, Daddy checked one last time at 11pm, and found that the status of Mummy's visa had been changed to "Issued". Mummy immediately packed her little Lulu suitcase and prepared to journey to the office of the courier company in Chancery Lane, London. We arrived at DX at 11am, after a four hour bus journey, only to be asked for a tracking number. We didn't have one, so Mummy's passport had not been delivered. After waiting until the last possible minute in a Black Sheep coffee shop, we decided to return home, which meant Mummy could not travel with Lorraine to Las Vegas for David's wedding that afternoon. At Marble Arch tube station we received an email with the tracking number, saying it will arrive at DX the following day. Daddy was very depressed for most of the day and ended up smoking 15 cigarettes (two day's worth) - such was the tension. Mummy was back at work by noon and took the whole episode in her stride. We ended up watching Claire and David's wedding via a video call. Kow fu returned home, Dominic had to go into the office for a day and Jeremy's bus was delayed by a motorcycle accident on the A420. We took vegetarian day one day early so we could have a wonderful Father's Day lunch at Grandma's. Daddy received a soppy card from the boys, a stove top coffeepot, and a salmon pink t shirt and swimming shorts combo. The Mario/Luigi smellies from Lush have yet to be sniffed. Mummy received some terribly upsetting news about Cathy's daughter Sabrina. Overall, that was a pretty rubbish week!

Week of June 12th 2023 - Waiting ExCeL

Jeremy was told that he has been dropped from a project at work, because he is too slow. He blamed the slow buses for this, and has volunteered to come into work early from now on. Dominic was slightly jealous that Jeremy went on a jolly to an AWS conference at the ExCeL in London. He and his colleagues were delayed by rail works, and then their AWS server went down. Ironic panic. It was fixed, and the lectures were interesting. An expensive burrito lunch was a mess, because there were too many people. There was no swag. In between, he managed a movie night with Alfie and a Tuesday tapas dinner with Quin. He briefly met Fergus on a bus to Ox, and said hello. On Monday, Mummy and Daddy woke at 6am to get to the US Embassy by 7am, to find a queue of 30. By 7.30am, the recommended time to arrive for her 8am appointment, the queue had grown to 200 (many more than we had been told). When entering the building you are required to sip on any drink you are carrying to prove it is real, any mobiles that are on have to shown to be working. After taking her fingerprints Mummy waited to be interviewed. Her visa was approved, and the official said he is aware that Mummy's flight is on Wednesday. Daddy had two cheap doppio and a stale bun at a Sandero, while he waited the half an hour. Mummy was back at work before noon. Now we wait. Kow fu moved into his flat. IKEA dumped their delivery in the drive and left. Just Move In were no help, because they did not have a UK bank account. They have now, and everything is settled in time for his departure next week. It has been hot (30 degrees), with intermittent thunderstorms.

Week of June 5th 2023 - Portuguese visa 

Jeremy has a fully functioning bank account. Finally. He had to get a lift from Sam into Witney. The buses are so unreliable. He's been out a lot with Quin, who has started working at Costa in Didcot. A salaried man now, so he took them to the Crown for dinner. Woooo! Dominic gave a very serious side of eye look at Abingdon's local hobo, who was spinning around as he walked through Pablo Lounge. The recently-arrived hobo was asking: why is there a spiral staircase in the middle of this restaurant? We saw him again, drinking non-alcohol beer in the marketplace, listening to live African music. Daddy discovered Pablo's unisex toilets. Daddy helped an elderly woman who slow-tripped on the pavement on East St Helen. She was more embarrassed than hurt. Daddy did a concussion check anyway (where are you, did you black out, see stars etc). Lottie's on Stert Street is nice. Mummy and Daddy went to London by bus (Daddy travelled £2 cheaper because he admitted being 60+) for her visa interview. The saleswoman at Selfridges says Mummy's ring size is 7, N, 54mm. This information cost £200! We refused to enter Mercato Mayfair because the bouncer said we had to leave our drinks outside. Met Eddie and drank sangria, ate great egg tarts, beer and olives at the Estrela restaurant. Lots of local Portuguese drinking brandy in the sunshine. Sat next to guy who looked just like Morpheus. Amazing that when the sun appears, everyone's clothes suddenly disappear. We stayed overnight in room 12 of the Best Western Plus in Vauxhall. Nice clean £160 room. Walking to Wandsworth Road in the evening sun, we went slightly off course, and got rudely shouted at by a large black man while we were trying to take a sunset photo. Fortunately, there was a large metal fence between us. Ended up in Tai Maria, a Brazilian tapas bar. There were samba dance lessons, a mamasan outside and several skimpily dressed English girls. A man in a Brazil football shirt asked Daddy if he could take a chair - in Portuguese. Daddy also had a small communication issue with a delivery driver during his last smoke. Daddy finally sorted kow fu's car insurance after waiting half an hour for Hastings to confirm their cancellation (failed to activate the tab). A-Plan's Laila (Moroccan, looks like Irene) was very helpful, but she should not lick her fingers when turning over the pages of paper documents! She should be friendly at twice the cost. Well done Wednesday's Windass winner at windy Wembley. Predictable.

Week of May 29th 2023 - Chin music

Jeremy finally has a bank account. He used his wages to buy Quin a pink microphone and a purple mouse for her birthday (June 14). He says they couldn't walk to Mummy for dinner at the White Horse because Ro is crippled. Mummy went to Birmingham with Lorraine for Claire's hen do. The room at the Hyatt was nice. Bottomless means all you can drink in Brummy. The do was at an event place called Luna Springs with its massive tent, ice rink and stage for the tribute bands. Mummy knew most of the 80s songs. Everyone moved their bottoms a lot. They met a 64 year old who looked in her 70s. Mostly mid-aged hen dos (all dressed as Madonna or brides), and older people. As ex-Spandau Martin Kemp appeared, Claire fell off someone's shoulders and was taken to the specially arranged medical tent. She then went to hospital for some butterfly stitches on her bloodied chin. Mummy had her tooth implant fixed. Dominic stayed at the Good Hotel (they gave him water and chocolate) in London for several days for the company's annual hackathon. He was amused by the characters (Deadpool, Pikachu, Joker etc) he saw at Comic Con. Only for Connor to break the sad news that Univers Lab had closed down in February (poor Lou lou and Nat nat!). Mummy's musical week was embellished by the Delta blues band at Pablo. She refused to leave while they were playing. Another colleague spotted Mummy with Daddy, this time walking near Beefeater. "I thought your husband was English!" Mummy chirped: "Yes, he's mixed". Daddy sorted out kow fu's car insurance, but Bilal has yet to contact Lorraine. The rose bloomed yellow. G blew the Giro.

Week of May 22nd 2023 - Bank on it

Maritrace are expanding. They have moved to a bigger office in the same building and Jeremy needs a spoon for the hot chocolate machine. Jeremy spent a lot of time with Quin over the week now that she's finished another semester. It is exactly one year ago that Jeremy told us that Quin had changed her name and gender. Turns out, Rosie has followed suit, and will now be known as Ro. So, there are no females in their D&D group now. He went to change his address with Santander. Balding in-his-30s Jack refused to help because Grandma was not present to sign the account over to him. Daddy rolled his eyes, only for Jack to notice and gently berate him. On our return home, incompetent Jack called to say that the account actually was in Jeremy's name (it was signed over in 2018 - but he hadn't bothered to check this). He will close it next week. Mummy was beeped again in the street. This time by Steve from Greene King. She says she's British now that she can wear T shirts to work and drink G&Ts at 6pm. She visited the Willow Shake knitters. We ate vegetarian at ASK and bumped into kow fu on the way home. Oscar had been visiting a friend's house. Mummy helped them to buy their second-hand, white, Prius and spent a lot of time helping another new marketing manager start at Prestigious. Dominic went into London two days in a row by train to meet his new line manager, Dan. He saved £100 by not booking a hotel, but was knackered afterwards. He has been training an AI program to reconstruct tiny, compressed photos - with much success. Daddy woke up at 5:30am feeling a bit warm. Nurse Mummy put her cheek to his forehead and declared no fever. The mechanical thermometer read 101.5 - much to her surprise. It was not COVID. Daddy won Euromillions 18, 41 & 9, and received £7 in coupons from Tesco on the same day. Well done to Forest for staying up and Wednesday for catching up.

Week of May 15th 2023 - Wembley

Jeremy's 23rd birthday was spent travelling to and from Wembley in Granddad's car. It took three hours to get there (road works mostly), and two hours to get back (with a coffee break at Beaconsfield Services). In between, we watched Notts County come from behind twice (Bostock sneaky free kick, Rodrigues mishit bouncer), to beat Chesterfield 4-3 on penalties. Daddy wept with joy when Scott's winning penalty went in. For most of the match Notts were behind, so he was depressed. Even the song about a wheelbarrow, the acceptable (£7!) hot dog, and having a ciggy in the bathrooms at extra time failed to lift his mood. Daddy got called out twice by Notts fans, but he still doesn't know why the fella sat next to him in the stadium asked if he was on holiday. We walked 5km and even visited a Villeroy shop. We arrived home at 9pm and had a quick dinner and posed for Jeremy's birthday candle photo. We had a pre-birthday dinner at the Nags Head, with Jeremy and Quin joining us later for dessert. Mummy knows a waiter there (Dan, a former dray at Greene King). Mummy, as quick as a flash, and with a dead pan tone, explained that da fai gai means masterbate. Daddy laughed at his own joke when he pointed out that if the plural of tooth is teeth, and goose is geese, then the plural of sheep must be shoop. Daddy has been slightly under the weather all week (headache, aching, cold). We all have left knee injuries. Told BT about our line cord error. Mummy helped kow fu buy a car.

Week of May 8th 2023 - Vote, military, and a crown

Jeremy enjoyed his short week (Dominic's was even shorter), and had enough time to build a little tracking API. We boys voted Lib Dems at the local elections, with Helen Pighills winning easily. Dominic illegally used his Hong Kong ID card as proof that he exists. Daddy noticed that a certain "Andy Cooke (Lib Dem)" was elected as a county councillor for Drayton, and was wondering if he is related to Quin Cooke also of Drayton. Jeremy called her and confirmed that Andy is in fact Quin's father, whose name is actually Adrian. She had no idea he had been re-elected. Sigh! Apparently Andy/Aidy (sic) has a keen interest in local Armed Forces affairs - he being ex-RAF. Jeremy has failed to mention his military connections to him. Mummy got her taste for elderflower G&Ts from ASK on May Day. But 5pm G&T time is a bit too early for her - she flaked out at 8pm, only to rise again 11 hours later. Mummy's brownies were eventually eaten at the work charity cake sale - despite the drivers/drays insisting they were too fattening. A woman walked out of the Co-op shouting that the self-service till voice was too loud. Double irony. Mummy has an annoying habit of talking about cooking meat (usually bacon) on vegetarian day. Torture. She was relieved to find her Cartier was in Grandma's safe. John returned home and immediately flew his Australian flag out of his window, just to annoy and upset the look of the coronation bunting and decorations on our lovely East St Helen Street. The taxi that drove him away again got stuck. Punishment. Daddy's traditional English fare went down well after we finished watching the marching and the crowning ceremony. Coronation Sunday lunch at Grandma's was special - as usual. But bun throwing was a disaster. It was too hot for Mummy, Mya and Grandma (they left early), as we were made to stand through over an hour of "entertainment" before the CR buns were thrown. Everyone ignored the anti-Royalists. Daddy got another bun to put in the freezer. We lost Lorraine. County are going to Wembley again, after a last minute Jones winner against The Wood Army.

Week of May 1st 2023 - Quads, awards, and cars

Jeremy and his mother have taken to waving to each other in the morning as the #15 passes her on Ock Street. Once at work, he has taken to listening to the classics: Milton's Paradise Lost, and Dante's The Divine Comedy. He found amusement in the fact he received his provisional driving licence in such a timely manner, so he can now attempt to change his bank address and obtain a proper bank account at Santander. Sam may need to bank on taking his driving test again after hitting a pothole and ending up in a ditch. He's fine, but his £1k car is a write-off. Sam will now have to take the #15 with Jeremy each day. Jeremy wants to drive so he can avoid having to run after buses, (bravely avoiding traffic, according to the bus driver). He damaged *both* his quadriceps in the process. Jeremy tried bell ringing at a taster session, with five others (no biceps required). The night in with Alfie consisted of eating pizza and quietly watching violent anime movies. He was heard telling Mummy that you can't steam left over pizza! That would be weird! Mummy had to endure the drizzle as all staff were asked to have a group photo outside following an award ceremony (best improvement) by some bigwigs from head office. She went by bus to London to do the tourist sights (Big Ben, London Eye, Chinatown etc) with kow fu (she somehow managed to find the back entrance of the British Museum). Oscar was presented with an award on stage at school for "enthusiasm". Daddy fixed Mummy's overburdened Hotmail account by deleting +19,000 e-mails (11k of which she hadn't even opened!). We had dinner at our new local: The White Horse - with Jeremy doing a good job of ordering our pints on tab and not getting ID'd. We had a new IKEA dinner: we ate their meatballs, sat on their seat cushions, drank from their glasses and used their cutlery. The wonderful everyday.

Week of April 24th 2023 - Time saved

Jeremy's new employees have taken pity on him and decided that he can come into work at 9.45am, so he can catch the 15 coach from Abingdon to Witney. He is also allowed to leave early to catch the coach back home. This will save him time (about two hours travelling a day) and money (about two pounds a day). He can get up at 8am and arrives home at 6pm. Sam has also decided that he will not have to reproduce the work of the agency that is making EQHQ's web site. Overall, a pretty good outcome for him. He spent a lot of time the last week with Quin, before she returns to Farnham. Reactivating his dormant Santander bank account will require him to apply for a provisional driving licence as proof of address. The branch does not accept cash as a means of activation: must be a cheque. Mummy and Maxine are best friends again (she smiled when she left the office: once). She might be in a good mood because her daughter, Charlotte, is to be the new manager of the Bowyers Arms in Radley. 33% off, off. The bar staff at the White Horse were sympathetic towards Daddy who got the Madri/Moreland's Original correct: but not the pulled pork order. Mummy's face turned bright red when a Fedex driver shouted a greeting to her from his van on Ock Street. She's so popular. She went to IKEA in Reading and bought stuff for the kitchen. Daddy escorted Oscar on his first day at Larkmead. He was really impressed with the polite and disciplined behaviour of the students there. Apparently, Oscar is doing okay. Daddy bought some more paint and a larger roller from B&Q, and paid £10 less. With Dominic's help, most of the non-sitting room areas of the house are finished. The poncho helps keep the paint off us. Daddy finally mailed some poo to the NHS. Disappointingly, Three's phones didn't receive the emergency alert at 3pm on Sunday during Thomas' birthday lunch at Lorraine's. For the record (extracted from the 1992 diary): Dominic said "baby" for the first time on 24th September, and "bear bear" on 6th October.  Bit late, but he was learning two languages, sleeping a lot, and is a man of few words anyway. County in the play-offs (why Harrison brought this up when he briefly bumped into Jeremy in Abingdon is anyone's guess).

Week of April 17th 2023 - Probably

The closure of the railway bridge in Oxford has added time to Jeremy's already tortuous journey into Witney each morning. He's still in the middle of a dispute between an agency and EQHQ about their website, and may have blown his cover by telling Pascal why he keeps asking him so many questions. There is no question about his relationship with Quin. They met frequently over the short working week. They have taken a liking to rhubarb gin at the Turf Tavern, with terrible hangover consequences. They went to the wrong coffee shop as the effects took their toll. Meeting a marionette on a mobility scooter was surreal. He bumped into: punk John, Sasha and kow fu. Mummy was knocked out by a martini at ASK, while Pablo's breakfast was a major disappointment for Daddy. Mummy visited her old knitting group at Willow Shake, but still hasn't called Eve. Daddy is worried she might do herself some damage with her new nail drill and cuticle pusher for her "ingernails". We went to B&Q to buy a pot for the rose bush, but only after the second attempt, because the garden center was "closed due to high winds". Daddy and Dominic continue to paint the walls of the house, with excellent results. Wearing a bicycle seat cover on your head works. He didn't want to spoil his new, shorter than usual, hair cut. Daddy had his last lesson with Oscar - he's on his own now. Water seeping through the floorboards was probably caused by the heavy rain lifting the water table. The tripped fuse was probably caused by the toaster. County will probably have to go through the play-offs after missing a penalty against Wrexham.

Week of April 10th 2023 - Mario's four Ps

Jeremy started working from home on Thursdays and Fridays. The time not spent on a bus was well used. He had a curry dinner with his colleagues. He also had dinner with a 32-year old Ukrainian, Sasha, at Sticks N Sushi. Quin was aware, and, after seeing her photo, a little disturbed. He spent an evening celebrating Iwan's birthday, playing Mario Party games (lost on easy mode), watching Mama Mia 2, and eating and drinking a little too much. He barfed up a little in bed as a memento. Climbing St. Nicholas' bell tower with Josh was a little reckless, because the dangerously rickety ladder did not compensate for seeing the bells - considering all he was doing was removing the mufflers. He's topped 133lbs, because he's snacking a lot at work. Work itself is getting political as he's been asked to reconstruct the code for a web page for EQHQ. Mummy had to work on Good Friday, but finished early and had drinks at the White Horse with her colleagues and their partners. Mummy shared a beer with Max, despite the latter's poor EQ/behaviour. We boys watched the Super Mario movie/pictures, rating it a  7-8/10. Many references to Jeremy's youth. Dominic was defeated by the pre-movie super hot Nando's. Daddy bought a rose bush, some lavender and some bulbs for planting in the yard. His grouting/piping was good, but painting was postponed because it's the most difficult of the four Ps. The hailstones and thunder clap were huge. John's back. County hit 100 points, but won't go up automatically. Sad.

Week of April 2nd 2023 - Pay rain

Jeremy continued give a good account of himself at work (fixing more bugs, introducing the old fashioned ones to dev op systems and writing up notations), but he's not always completely clued in. He told us at dinner that he is due to have a meeting with someone from GCHQ about their code base. Daddy got very excited at the prospect, only to discover, he meant EQHQ, which is a tractor company owned by Mr. Goldstein (Maritrace's owner). Despite his forgetfulness, he did remember to give his first pay packet to Mummy. She was very proud to received the £960 (he doesn't have to repay his student loan, he doesn't earn enough yet). But he did point out that he has no money now, and will have to transfer money from Daddy to pay for his very active social life and bus fares. He met with Quin for lunches and dinners, as well as his usual D&Ding. We will not be watching the movie, but we might go and see the new Mario film. Oscar finally got his BRP, he has been accepted into Larkmead (starts 17 April), and his parents have signed a lease to rent Lorraine's flat on Bourlon Wood Road. Sorted. Mummy took her family to Reading to look around and to buy his school uniform. We had a burgers and beers dinner at the White Horse pub (Abingdon Bridge is quite nice). Mummy greeted the DJ: it was Dan from work. She used her 33% Greene King discount for the first time. Walking to GK, it rained so hard, Daddy got absolutely drenched. So badly, he laughed his head off all the way to meet Mummy, so he could give her a new cat umbrella. As soon as he arrived, the rained stopped. She annoyingly left her drawer key behind one morning, so Daddy had to walk to Greene King twice that day. Mummy received parcels four days in a row as she decided to spend Jeremy's wages immediately. The long purple dress and the shocking pink gilet were horrid and will be returned. Mummy's cough has gone. Ovo, our electricity supplier, cut our bill by £64 a year! Miracle. Grandparents both tested positive for COVID.

Week of March 27th 2023 - Buggy week

Jeremy's first day at work, and first full week at Maritrace's tiny office in Witney, was a successful one. This was confirmed when Simon the CTO told him: "that's the reason we hired you!" He had just figured out how to solve a bug in their software. He impressed so much, his probation has been cut to two weeks, so he will be working remote on Thursday and Friday's. That will cut his travelling time, but it didn't seem to slow him down, as he attended DnD on Thursday as usual, and managed to watch a country/rock band called the Deadbeat Apostles in Oxford. He had lunch with cute-looking Quin in Farnham, with wheelchair-bound Rosie and Ewan (who drove them there). Mummy had a roller-coaster week back at work, with Max deciding to play up. She took her brother's family to Bicester - just because. Daddy decide to pay the fee for her US visa because the interview date had changed to June 9th. After he confirmed payment, the date changed to July 12th. Depressed, he tried again, and lo and behold, there was a slot on June 5th. He triumphantly booked the day. Daddy was worried for a while because there was no confirmation email. Hours later we received 21. Bug. Daddy is listening to Oscar try to read English each day (very hungry caterpillar bug etc). He will not be living in 6 Bourlon Wood, because the landlord chose someone else. 2x painful. We observed Earth Hour as usual. A Dutch humanitarian agency asked permission to use one of Daddy's Flickr photos. It was a shot of Mummy wrapped in a blanket in Abbey Meadow at night. She is not a refugee - even though she didn't know that rear means the back of something. Dominic 125lbs (refugee weight), but Jeremy is a tubby 130lbs.

Week of March 20th 2023 - Last week of freedom

Jeremy took full advantage of his last full week of employment freedom by meeting up with Anthony for lunch at the Breakfast Club and played mini-golf (they both scored 70 - par for the course). He went to D&D as usual, but the crew have agreed that their regular session can start later now that Jeremy is working (they all agreed that 6:30pm was too early anyway). He went to a concert at the O2 in Oxford with Quin, because they like the Kokroachez, Vanityset and Protomen very much! She stayed overnight, to make sure he got up on time on Monday. Mummy took the week off from work to help her brother's family (Vienn and Oscar) settle in. Daddy stayed up all night (he was worried his phone would run out of power) and caught the 6am bus to Oxford (from the deserted High Street) and 7am bus to Heathrow to pick them up. A very pleasant Adrian, the cab driver, drove us to their Airbnb at 22 Winterborne Road. The garden is nice, but the inside needs a lick of paint. We immediately went to Oxford to pick up their BRPs from the post office, only to be told they were not there, by a very rude Indian woman. She insisted that a BNO passport is a British passport so they don't need a BRP. We learned from the internet that the government has stopped issuing BRPs for BNO visa holders. Still, Oscar's passport is a HKSAR, and he needs a BRP, which he must collect before April 4th. Another attempt resulted in his BRP magically appearing, but the rude Indian said he can't pick it up without a responsible adult (his parents are not considered responsible adults until the home office says so). They are waiting for an email to that effect. Renting a property in Abingdon for them has been a nightmare. Just booking a viewing is difficult (with much ghosting), and availability for two-bed apartments within walking distance of Larkmead is limited. Their first viewing with suited and booted George from Chancellors at Thames View was a disaster. The third floor flat was dirty, and there was no allocated car park. Mummy, with Granddad kindly driving them, went to see a flat on Bourlon Wood Road (near LAT's flat) and they liked it better - providing the agent wasn't lying about redecorating it. They have put in an offer for it (apparently, you are required to bid, like in an auction, for a flat). Mummy was allocated an interview for her B2 visa to visit the US in June on the day before she flies. We apparently applied for the visa too late, and so, at the moment, she cannot go to Las Vegas for David and Claire's wedding. Daddy finally caught a very mild version of Mummy's illness. She's still coughing like a horse, but Daddy did the responsible thing and stayed away from a triple birthday gathering with the family. He put up with Chris the stocky property inspector from Breckon. We had three pies from the fish and chip shop on Pi day. The person serving in the shop was not very geometrically minded, but did note a sudden increase in demand. County are preparing for the play-offs.  

Week of March 13th 2023 - Good job Jeremy!

Jeremy produced another one of those memorable memory moments, when he announced that he had been offered a job at a maritime tracking company in Witney. His two-hour interview earlier in the week was enough to convince the small team of engineers that he was a good fit for the job. Granddad drove him to the offices of MariTrace, which is becoming something of a lucky process. He has accepted the position of Full Stack Software Engineer, starting on March 20th on £25k a year, with full medical, 25 days holidays and two days a week remote. He celebrated the job, and his fourth anniversary with Quin, by going to dumpy Woking to watch a black-comedy musical called Heathers (rated 9/10) and delivering a blue friend. He stayed overnight at Farnham and made it back in time for his 1pm non-haircut/trim with Hannah. He returned much later (2.30am) after Millie's birthday bash in Oxford. He seemed fascinated with a 32 year old Ukrainian called Sasha, and the goings on with Tesco delivery driver, Leo. Daddy had his haircut too, but had to put up with very poorly Mummy, soon after. She tested negative for COVID, but ran a long-running temperature and has developed a violent cough. Dominic was a little touch and go with his health, but issues with his fire-fighting crew went unresolved - despite his presence in London (Z Hotel) for a day. It briefly snowed on Mya's birthday, and she almost hugged Daddy and Dominic at the King's Head because she was a little worse for wear. Jeremy made Twinkles at her old people's gathering and she had a doughnut birthday cake and received lots of jewellery. Unfortunately, Lorraine came back from India with COVID and spent the evening in the kitchen. Neil drove to London to buy the Chinese food. Mummy bought 24 spring rolls for Scott's leaving party. He asked if he was her favourite: she replied "I don't dislike you." Pow! She's still walking home with Max, but that might change. Mummy left many bright red, intact, nail coverings on the side of the bath, hoping that Daddy would find them and freak out - he did. Daddy doesn't have to help delivery drivers find their way around Bath Street for a while. County are still neck and neck.

Week of March 6th 2023 - Witney walk

Jeremy has been asked to attend a face-to-face interview at a maritime tracking, micro-company, in faraway Witney. He's brushed up on Python and his final project from university, just in case. Daddy noticed a man with his flies down on genial Bath Street. There is general agreement, Daddy should not have to tell him about his wardrobe malfunction. The young, blond, European girl Daddy gave directions to on Bath Street, was very - friendly. Unfortunately, her wardrobe was fully functional. Daddy is perplexed about the amount of time (~10%) women (only ever) who enter a bus but can't pay the measly £2 fare. The banks/bus should allow an overdraft - to avoid their humiliation/standing in the cold/having to walk etc. Mummy is keeping warm by walking home with Max each day, after the latter's schedule was changed by departing Scott. Daddy feels put out, because now he can only walk Mummy home from the fire station. Dominic returned from his river view room at Good Hotel with two sleep dolls from Guatemala. Their magic powers don't seem to work. He didn't seem to particularly enjoy seeing his old Rocket team back together again. Daddy is convinced there is something of a vendetta going on with the referees in the National League.

Week of February 27th 2023 - Only buy what you need

Jeremy has decided against having a perm, because it doesn't last long enough and is therefore bad value for money. Instead, he and Mummy splashed out on some retail therapy in Bicester (new jeans, hat, jumper). Mummy bought an adjustable gold chain ring (probably prompted by a conversation about not wearing her wedding ring). There was a crisis with the expensive, smelly lamb. We ate it anyway. Mummy is convinced that GM Gerald had hair when she first met him. He has none now. She's still working a bit late, even though quieter than usual Max is back. Dominic travelled to London (relatively cheap Good Hotel upgraded him and gave him some sleep dolls from Guatemala) to meet some ex-Rocketeers for a drink. Por por fell over in the street (while sober), but used her head to stop herself from hitting the road. She was discharged from hospital immediately, having passed the concussion protocol. Her shiner is a big one. Our cash-rich council removed the C from the Ock Street road sign. Daddy splashed the cash during Co-op's 10% off day. Daddy is convinced referees are star struck about Wrexham's owners, and has plenty of evidence to prove it. County's 161 day unbeaten run was was ended by ref Lewis Smith, who has officiated in two Wrexham 2-1 wins.

Week of February 20th 2023 - Give me chocolate! (Babymetal)

Jeremy had to spend a virtual Valentines with Quin because another train strike prevented them from meeting up. He walked to pick Mummy up from work twice, but couldn't go for a drink with her in the Narrows before dinner at ASK, because he forgot his wallet. For some reason, he felt he would get IDed when accompanied by his young looking mother. Dominic had the worst Valentines ever: he had to travel to London for one night. He missed the OxTube by seconds. He had booked the wrong Z Hotel, and had to travel to the one in Blackfriars (on Fleet St). He then spent the whole day in a war room, when he was supposed to meet his fellow Rocketeers. Although he met Pavel and Kim for drinks, the sys issues continued all the way home. To compound his misery, he felt quite depressed because of the depression in the middle of his rum and chocolate souffle. No one at Lorraine's (pre-India) vintage tea party seemed to mind. Daddy jumped out of bed to place a box of chocolates and a rose, that he had carefully hidden, on the kitchen table for his Valentine. She returned from the bathroom to find them there and Daddy still snuggled up in bed. A few days later, Mummy had to buy a box of chocolates for Rob, from the warehouse, as thanks for driving all the way to Swindon to deliver a box of wine that the courier had left behind. She worked late everyday of Max's holiday (6.45 pm). Daddy had to stand guard during a very tense meeting. Daddy met Adrian after a 14 year gap. Mummy was unfazed by the multi-facetted demonstrations taking place in Oxford. Shopping is shopping, no matter what. She's the love of many people's lives apparently. A driver and drayman were giggling in the yard. Mummy told them that it was amazing that they are always so happy. They replied that they were happy for seeing her, and that she was the love of their lives. Mummy responded by reminding them that the love of her life was her husband, her children (and shopping). Not necessarily in that order.

Week of February 13th 2023 - Decorations Bozo souffle

Daddy asked Jeremy to take down the New Year decorations while he was out. So he removed the fai jun from his door. When Daddy pointed out that he meant all of the decorations, he took them down, but also removed the two red lanterns from the kitchen and sitting room (despite the fact they are permanent fixtures). Mummy forced him to have a consultation with Gemma from Forresters about having a perm. It won't be short on the sides and fuzzy on the top (which is the norm), but he is considering the reverse - something like a Bozo the Clown hairdo! Dominic has a professional chef's striped apron to go with his white chef's hat, and put them to good use making a rum chocolate souffle. His waist is so small with the apron tied tight, and his shoulders are so wide, he looked more like Johnny Bravo than Ottolenghi. Mummy is happy she has lost 3lbs in the past week (whisper it 121), because Maxime is on holiday again. She says, because she is so slow and conscientious, she has no time to eat lunch (not even her small-sized hula hoops). But she doesn't like the fact she has to work so late (6pm is early). She cheered herself up with her Lulu Guinness vanity case and socks in a box. Our car park space is still so very popular, even Lorraine's friend Beth is using it. Her space at work was also briefly occupied too. County are keeping pace with those Hollywood lot.

Week of February 6th 2023 - Finger walk past

Jeremy had to cancel a trip to Reading to visit Quin because of the train strikes - again. He was cheesed that he couldn't deliver the blue friend he bought her in Spitalfields. Mummy is determined that he gets a perm. Mummy is on a Hula Hoop diet. She only eats a smaller packet a day at lunch. She called Daddy to ask him to help Robert at work. He had trapped his fingers in some crates, and his nails were falling off. Daddy didn't get involved, because he's not allowed to enter her office. While she followed his instructions on how to apply a splint, she missed the 5.15pm, bright red, sunset - which are becoming a common sight each day. The naughties of Abingdon have added a C in front of the Ock Street road sign outside the White Horse - in the wrong font! The abbot on Marcham roundabout, which we also walk past every day, has been returned to an upright position. An Amazon driver from Birmingham asked Daddy for a ciggy on St Clements, so Daddy took his photograph. He called Daddy bro! Daddy wrote a testimonial about the memoir for Carolyn T's website. It was posted in double quick time. Dominic, on his day off, created a new dessert: Creme patisserie avec biscuit et raison sec (basically stuff that was out of date in the fridge mixed together). We celebrated the last day of Lunar New Year by eating vegetarian pizza and tong yuen. Jeremy weighs 128lb (BMI 19.4) -  unrelated. Daddy rummaged through his old diaries and confirmed that Mummy and Daddy have been a couple since 20th June 1988 (we are in our 35th year). Unofficially, we started on 9th June (but that's another story). Mummy says Forest should have surrendered before they lost to ManU again. County top, for now.

Week of January 30th 2023 - High teas

Jeremy's cough dissipated sufficiently enough for us to safely travel to London. We arrived in Oxford fine, and he decided to stop for a double McDonald's breakfast (one was free). Mummy didn't want to wait for him, so she walked to the High Street bus stop. The London bus arrived, but she didn't wave it down, even though we were walking down the street. Fortunately, the next bus arrived soon enough. We arrived at Marble Arch and waited for Dominic. We then walked to Royal China Club to meet Anita. She called to tell us there was no 12:30 booking (even though Daddy booked, and the restaurant called to confirm). The dim sum was the most expensive, most gastronomical, meal of the trip. The boys received lai see. We walked in the drizzle to Selfridges, and down New Bond Street with its LV decor by Angela someone. We arrived at the Wolseley early, they took our coats and luggage, and put us in the best seat in the house. The waitress suggested we share our orders. She was surprised we finished the six scones. Mummy, by chance, ordered the Coupe Lucian ice cream sundae (which she said was delicious). We sat near to Freud's table, which was pointed out to us, after Daddy asked a waiter where it was. He said he had only worked there a year, and didn't know. We took the tube back to IBIS. Dominic told Jeremy to close the curtains, because there was "some dude walking around" in the adjacent room. It was Daddy. After waving at each other, and after a nap, we went to the hotel's pub, the George and Dragon, to claim out two, free, membership, drinks. The food was awful. Night cap at the hotel down the street, was complicated by the fact the staff had no idea how to price a Southern Comfort. A big black man asked Daddy for a cigarette, so he took his photo. Daddy wanted some moisturizer. Mummy gave him a packet with a tiny drop in it. He couldn't open the other packets, even using his teeth. Daddy's lighter ran out so he went to the local shop and bought a new one, and he proudly returned with a small bottle of Dove skin moisturizer. Only to discover it was shower gel! On Friday we travelled to Waterloo (via the COVID wall) to see Leung's son. He was not there. Daddy and Dominic had full breakfasts at Balance. The student petting the spaniel was strangely endearing. We travelled to Spitalfields to shop (gloves and a friendly blue pig), and had tea at an Ottolenghi. Food was top notch, but the sink in the unisex bathroom was too close (to the ground?) the toilet. After visiting the British Museum, we ate at Super Star Korean BBQ (we were let straight in, but many had to queue). Co-incidentally, Daddy checked out of IBIS with a Korean boy band. The last day was spent in super crowded Soho. Lunch at underwhelming Japan Centre was tempered by Pikachu's donation snub, and Godzilla music. Mummy was asked to go to a dark alley in Chinatown to buy lor baht go. There was nothing there but rubbish. Overall, we walked 26.1km and rated the trip a seven, with the first day drizzle, the disorganized cafe at the end, and the "no bookings" that weren't being the lows. The highs were the two teas. Prior to London, Dominic stayed at the Z, and was upgraded to a window room. Mummy had to ice skate to work. Jeremy had a rash eruption three days in a row, and had to punch a new hole in his belt. Daddy was spoken to in Turkish by a delivery man in St Clements. We met the family at Grandma's to give lai see, and wave a lot. Forest were tonked in the semis.

Week of January 23rd 2023 -  CNY days daze

Jeremy's cough and sore throat (he refused to eat anything spiky) worsened during the week, after he returned from visiting Quin in Reading. Daddy suggested they go see the Bayeux Tapestry replica in the Reading Museum. They did, but failed to take any photos. Jeremy's negative reaction to the white anchovies (no brown ones due to health and safety) he ate at Pizza Express was cured with an allergy pill. Daddy brought home some char siu bau and sticky rice for dinner. Mummy was impressed by the taste, but not the £6.50 each price tag. Preparations for Chinese New Year  (of the rabbit) began with Daddy mopping the house in a rather slow two hour stint. He managed to polish anything wooden, but tipped the bottle of wood polish over at the last minute. Hanging our very old decorations was easy enough, but eating the massive lamb dinner was exhausting. Mummy's tong yuen was the best yet. On the first day, we: greeted each other (and most of Hong Kong), distributed lai see to the boys, wore new clothes, listened to Kung Hei Fat Choi songs on loop, went for a freezing cold walk in an easterly direction, and lo Mummy's colourful, tasty, vegetarian, noodles. Daddy sat down on the X3 to JR with the wire connecting his power bank to his mobile sticking out of his pocket. An elderly lady asked if she was about to sit on his medical device, to which Daddy replied that he was going to work, not to hospital. Mummy went to Bristol with Grandma to give Lai See to Nicholas, and ate at Nice Spice cha cha teng. Daddy confronted a fake, aggressive, high as a kite, Benjamin Patterson at the black gate, and refused to let him in. Daddy had a dream about Mummy interviewing Boris Johnson in a hotel lobby.

Week of January 16th 2023 - Cut clay

Jeremy grew two perfectly-formed white spots on the back of his throat, after not going to play golf which his college friends (the range was waterlogged). They went to Millets instead. He received sympathy from Quin, but nothing from his Mum, who instead spread Bonjela on them. After work dinner at ASK (Mummy keeps calling it EAT) is becoming a regular occurrence. But Mummy drinking Jacks in Narrows with Jeremy afterwards was probably a one off. Daddy will have to help out at DHO for many more weeks. His special skill: he can understand, Nigerian, Romanian, and Indian! Mummy is getting excited now that we can see the tail-end of the day's sunset as we walk home. Apparently, this is a very British thing. Dominic cut his thumb, when slicing Mummy's rock-hard sourdough loaf. He was unsupervised (because Daddy was in Oxford). After the scab fell off, he had to used nail clippers to cut the flap of skin away. No sympathy from Mummy either. The damage impeded his typing, cooking, and clay modelling (but his fox went from angry-looking to kindly after it was coloured in). His stop-motion carrot-eating clay rabbit was very cute. He was shocked that a beautifully handwritten card from Angela took over a month to arrive from PA. County lost to Maidstone in the FA Trophy on penalties. No Wembley cup final, again!

Week of January 9th 2023 - Birthday food

Jeremy visit to Farnham with Quin has been postponed to next week, so he spent the day with her at Drayton instead. He says spending eight hours talking to her at various pubs was also really tiring. Daddy was knackered after been asked to work from the office as Lorraine was suffering from vertigo. Getting up at the crack of dawn in the rain was painful, and surprising, because she was well enough to be sitting in the front seat of Thomas' car. Daddy only picked up four errors the whole day. He will return next week, to fill the manpower shortage (of a recruitment company!). Dominic weighs 126.9lbs, even though we've been eating large quantities of food. We went to Oxford to eat bacon and brie sandwiches at Brothers. He had a haircut at Duke's, while Daddy bought "stuff" at the Flying Tiger. We bought a long, hard, turnip, and cute lai see packets at the Chinese supermarket. After much pleading from Daddy (big eyes, welling of tears), the lady gave us a new calendar for our kitchen. Dominic's culinary skills increased after he received a chef's hat for his 32nd birthday. His cheesecake was superb. Grandma's curry/lamb dinner was excellent. Daddy's toad in the hole was also quite good.  Daddy was shocked that Mummy walked home in her work boots. He forgot to remind her to change, for the very first time.

Week of January 2nd 2023 - More alcohol

Jeremy went to a cocktail making party, but, despite contributing loads of ingredients was unable to recall which drinks they made. Boxing Day lunch at Lorraine's was dominated by games: pictionary (we won, even though Jeremy's drawing of a foot was badly conceived) and don't be a Dik Dik (Daddy lost). Mummy and the boys went to Bicester to meet Eddie and Anita for lunch at the Farmhouse. It was a palaver, with too many people and rotten weather. Mummy doesn't need physical shops now she has discovered Cider. She shocked herself that the colours of the clothes she bought online matched so well. The hat she bought makes her look like an old Japanese rice farmer woman. She had to walk slowly in the rain to work, and then the last truck was late so Daddy had to wait outside for her for an hour. Fortunately, Granddad picked her, and three bottles of cheap wine, up on Saturday. She drank a little too much Prosecco watching Sound of Music and started singing the songs (doh a deer etc). Not quite the same while watching Grease as we waited for the New Year count down. Nags Head did not have a fireworks display this year! Dominic compensated for Daddy's lack of a gnome Christmas present this year, by making one with his modelling clay. Daddy then painted the handsome brute. Dominic's squirrel with the cinnamon roll tail remains naked. Dominic's duck and late yule log were culinary triumphs. Bit like Forest's sweet draw with Chelsea.

Week of December 26th 2022 - Christmas pictures

Jeremy and Quin were very adult by not buying each other Christmas presents. They couldn't find anything they wanted. We've always known that Jeremy has difficulty finding things when asked, so Mummy was being cruel when she asked him to find her nail polish remover in the bathroom, when she suddenly realised it was in the sitting room all along. We tracked Santa around the world and saw he was hacked over Iran. Jeremy set up for Santa's arrival, but Mummy had already peeled the all carrots so we had to stitch one back together for Rudolph. The snoods were the best present, due to their versatility. Christmas Day lunch at Grandparents, with pictionary, 21, and poker (Dominic won). Grandma inadvertently drank Daddy's glass of port and nearly choked laughing. Boxing Day at Lorraine's with more pictionary nonsense (e.g. apple tears = onion) and Daddy was the dik dik. The last of the presents arrived, and Mummy received her last ever delivery from Young Living after five years. Mummy won two bottles of Spanish wine at work and mulled them. Daddy got two Euromillions numbers, and we got £5 on a scratch card present from David. Cousins Chloe and Nicholas come over for a two hour hotpot. Everyone in Hong Kong has Covid, but por por is now clear. Mummy was horrified when one of the Turkish chaps in the fish and chip shop shook Daddy's hand.

Week of December 19th 2022 - Last call, alcohol

Jeremy spent a lot of time with Quin during the week, and got a job lead from their sister. Their golf night out was crazy. Dominic has been counting down the days to his three week holiday. His company is now valued like a unicorn. Parents received the finished version of their memoir. Ribbon cut, sat down, books emotionally signed and laughter at Daddy's readings. Carols at Lorraine's as usual, more baby Guiness consumption, with Millie's warbling golden rings a highlight. Mummy says her jacket keeps her warm, because it's green. It hit minus 10 one morning (the skimply-dressed Indian girl she greets every day actually wore gloves!). Mummy keeps discovering new liqueurs at ASK. This time, because they ran out Bailey's, it's Amaretto boozy hot chocolate. She was given a bottle of wine at work, she couldn't reply to the trick question: which wine do you like? She will say Chianti from now on. Work times have been erratic, to such an extent that Mummy actually cursed in a text to Daddy. "It's shit today," she said at 4.26pm on Tuesday, because a lorry was going to be 30 minutes late. Daddy's cigarette water jar froze solid for the first time. We are living in strange climatic times. He discovered that the lunatic that lives above the black gate has been throwing his butts out of his window. At first Daddy thought it was his fault, because he smokes the same brand. Daddy has been frantic with missed deliveries of presents (Amazon lost a big one, and refunded again). Larkmead replied, but Oscar needs an address to apply.

Week of December 12th 2022 - Give and take

Jeremy is happy to tell us that Quin is back from school, but his dribbly nose has prevented him from meeting her. Dominic returned to Good Hotel to re-meet the Berliners, uneventfully. Mummy hung on all day because the girl's bathroom was broken at work. The email saying Wayne is seeking other opportunities, was met with scepticism. Daddy was walking so fast to meet her, he almost missed her at the McDs crossing. She has handled the freezing weather admirably (she dresses sensibly and sees it all as an Instagram moment). We received three cash inflows during the week: Moonpig apologized for the late delivery of Eve's Xmas present with a £5 refund, McDonald's packed the wrong order, (a Big Mac instead of a Big Tasty and two chicken mayos for a McCrispy) and gave us a £20 refund, and Sous Chef gave us a £25 refund and four replacements because one of the four bowls it sent us was broken. Daddy has been busy receiving Amazon deliveries and wrapping presents with very flimsy paper. He dressed the front door with stolen foliage and wrapped the living room door with a big, red bow. He was perturbed that Larkmead has not returned his email about Oscar. He was unmoved by France's win over England, as it was gifted to them, and was totally expected. More importantly, County are still top!

Week of December 5th 2022 - Ghost of Xmas present

Jeremy was ghosted by the biotech company, so he will move on the other job leads he's following. He has interview process experience now but has been hindered at the moment by a sniffy nose. It's so severe he's had a nose bleed from blowing his hooter. Daddy was deeply disturbed after a small child rang our intercom and asked for fried rice and chicken noodles. He is quite sure the child didn't know if we are Chinese or not, but the fact someone that young can associate with racist tropes is sad. There was another visit from the police during the week, after someone rang our intercom at 2am. Mummy's very pleased that Daddy bought her a £10 advent calendar (because she doesn't like the cheap chocolate in our usual calendars). She worked on Saturday, but on Sunday went to the Christmas market in Oxford for mulled wine, shopping, and minced pies. Mummy is not really into drinking baby Guinesses, but she has bought the Baileys/Kahlua and shot glasses, in case she changes her mind. We put our Christmas decorations up after England beat Senegal. Daddy told Mummy that he was very happy. She asked why? (thinking it was because the decorations look nice), only for Daddy to point out that he was happy because England had won. County returned to the top of the league. Daddy £38 (lucky number) hair cut.

Week of November 28th 2022 - Lights of Berlin

Jeremy handed in his test for his Biotech job interview process and they were keen to talk to him again. They thanked him for his honesty, and were impressed he used Javascript (the others mostly used Python). He took another test, with a Linux box, but their firewall wouldn't let him in. He's waiting now to see if he gets to meet the VP. In the meantime, he has developed the same symptoms as Mummy, with sniffs and occasional coughs. Mummy is clear of the lurgy, but took one last opportunity to give Daddy a head hug, and then to sneeze badly into his hair. She's been working her fingers to the bone, inputting hard and avoiding the office politics. Dominic arrived in Berlin easily enough, but there was a night club below his pink and plastic hotel on the East side, near the wall museum. It was freezing, but he was wrapped up. Work was interrupted by a visit to a Christmas Market for currywurst. He bought nothing of substance, and took no photos as he forgot to bring an adapter. On arriving at Brandenburg airport, he was worried that the long security queue meant he might miss his flight. But climate activists had glued themselves to the runway, so his flight was delayed. He arrived home after an 8 hour return trip. Jeremy says Daddy's strong jaw line hides his double chin. Ask Mummy if she is English or British and she will answer: I am BNO. She wants a new Samsung phone, because Caroline has one. The fireworks were the highlight of this year's Christmas tree lights switch on. Mummy's having difficulty with the purple cardigan she's knitting.

Week of November 21st 2022 - Stalk and jab

Jeremy spent an hour talking to two boffins about the Biotech job. That went well. He now has to complete an unsupervised test, before doing another one with a Unix box, and then, if all goes well, he'll talk to a VP. We spied Jeremy in Oxford, and stalked him and Quin for a while. Quin stayed over. Mummy's cold has turned into a massive cough, which she can't shake. And it's so harsh, the house shakes. She tested negative for COVID. We had our COVID boosters in Oxford, supervised by Emily Chau, after lunch at busy Pho. Mummy had to have a screen put up because she had to take her top off in Boots. Daddy is still walking with Mummy after work, and, because Max is on holiday, she's been putting in some overtime. She's so tired from the extra inputting, she has to rest her arm on Daddy's when she walks. Daddy's been cooking. We were not impressed with Dil Raj's tandoori grill, but the curry was good, and they gave us a free beer. The hover ball Daddy's bought on Amazon couldn't charge, and Margaret accepted the paint delivery, but has decided to keep it, rather than deliver it to us. The new mouse is great, and the onion goggles work a treat. Mummy had her hair lightened.

Week of November 14th 2022 - No blues

Jeremy prepared with Dominic for his biotech job Zoom meeting next week. Mummy really has no clue about tech talking. He's spending a lot of time out playing D&D. He asked how to clean a frying pan. Afterwards he said he is waiting for it to dry - naturally. We are not confident he can live on his own yet. We went to watch a tight band called No Horses at Bowyer to listen to some Chicago blues. In keeping, we drank one bourbon, one scotch, one beer. Mummy's into baby Guiness. Bowyer had no Espresso Martini, or gammon, or staff. The band didn't play any blues at all. Dominic will be travelling to Berlin to talk about Rocket's future. Mummy went to Bicester (because its half way between Oxford and London) to lunch with YY and Oxford to eat/shop with Lorraine. She bought groves (aka gloves) from Coach. She got stuck in the Remembrance Sunday crowd, but met three Greene King draymen. We booked our COVID boosters for next week. Daddy missed walking with Mummy because Amazon was late. She complained that the walking boots look like trainers and the pan was too small (by millimeters). There was a delay to her peri-meno - grumpy. County return to the top. England win T20 world cup. Daddy abbreviated long dream: London blue coach with white circles, bus driver helps to put shopping bag in hold. Notices bottle broken. Show small clear bottle, broken. Port. Look under coach, water. Have smoke. Return, coach gone. Run after it, but green lights. Lose sight. Find drunk Jeremy. Run to catch coach. Short cut. Ask two women, where is Marble Arch. They show short cut. Through large doors. High ceiling, like a church. People sitting in rows of benches. Walk down steps to road. Playground, small child on slide. Can see Marble Arch. Ask helpful girl her name, she shouts Nadeen.

Week of November 7th 2022 - Pop, nick and nip

Jeremy popped over to Reading to meet Quin. They upgraded their dining to Wendy's and Slug & Lettuce. He met friends at Narrows for post bonfire drinks (he says he's pyrophobic) and had two D&D sessions at the Clockwork. He's talking to a biotech firm in Oxford. Dominic nipped into London to meet his new Romanian product manager. It took him 2.5 hours to get in but 4 hours to get back. Should have taken the train both ways, because it was cold and it poured with rain. Mummy nicked her finger on some paperwork, despite her many work-issued protective garments (helmet, boots, and a hi-viz jacket). She was given a Greene King hoodie and tagged her poppy (which she has been diligently wearing) on it. The office was quiet with everyone whispering and no foul language. Apparently. workmen were seen checking the CCTV cameras after the Wayne incident. We went to the Nags to watch their fireworks display. The launch pad was very far away, and despite the entrance fee costing twice as much as 2020, it only lasted 10 minutes (15 minutes last time). Daddy couldn't light a candle for Richard at the local churches - health & safety. It might not be safe for Daddy to top up six years of his National Insurance for £5k, because he might not be around to benefit from his £1k pa increase in his state pension in 2032.

Week of October 31st 2022 - Spider Wayne

Jeremy's trip to another job fair was as unproductive as the previous one. He did get  card from a tech company in Witney that was interesting, but he lost it because he was carrying KFC and Crispy Cremes back home. His trip to watch the boss of his friend playing in a country rock band in a pub called the Isis Farmhouse near Redbridge park and ride was not what he was expecting (he told us his friend was playing at the Blue Boar!). He and Quin are amused that the new Paymaster General's name is Jeremy Quin (he's the paymaster, she's the general). Dominic returned to the Good Hotel in London's Canary Wharf area to say farewell to Kim Hellbom, his product manager. The hotel left him a handwritten note and two bottles of water, for being so regular. He was present in the capital for the unveiling of another Prime Minister (he was also there during a resignation, and a funeral). Mummy's confused about all the drama at Greene King. Warehouse manager Wayne was escorted off the premises after making a "mistake", and heavy-smoker Maxine is obsessed about Ian's friendliness towards Mummy (so much so, she keeps giving Mummy pots of soup). Mummy says she's confused about the age of several members of staff, particularly Phil, who is much younger (59) than he looks. She says she has warehouse hands, but the wrinkles on her knees seem to have disappeared. She's into football a bit more now. She knows half time is 15 minutes, so Daddy has that long to do her bidding. Daddy told her that Ronaldo is playing. She asked: which one! As punishment for his sarcastic reply, she force-fed Daddy roasted broccoli on veggie day. We don't think much of Golden Kitchen's food (except the duck) but the dan tart at Santa Nata are good. Unlike our local motorists. Daddy was walking past B&Q to meet Mummy when a dark blue hatchback sped past at 40mph. Daddy felt a thud on his lower left torso and saw a 100g giant gummy spider on the pavement. The force of impact was 1.8 Newtons. He noticed that the passenger window was a third of the way open. It was possible a child didn't like the gummy they had just bought at B&M in Fairacres and threw it out, or the brat was dangling it out of the window and let go. Either way, littering is a £125 offence, while hitting someone with a gummy spider is a prisonable offence.

 Week of October 24th 2022 - Uneventful

Jeremy finally got to meet Quin in Reading. They met inside the train station and walked 16k steps around England's largest, non-descript, town. They ate McDs and at a spoons. He attended a jobs fair at Brookes, and handed in three CVs. The twindemic impacted his weekly D&D gathering. Dominic travelled to London (Z Hotel). The offsite was uneventful, and working face-to-face was tiring. Mummy's week passed by without incident (she has nothing to do after 2.30pm and her wifi was down), but she did have to wear her heavy boots from work back home because of the weather. Seeing rainbows with Daddy did failed to compensate for her sore calves. Daddy luckily bought the right Rooney books for  Lorraine and Charlie's birthday presents. Sadly, Uncle Richard passed. Thank goodness, Truss out. Shockingly, Forest beat Liverpool.

Week of October 17th 2022 - All's Fair

We watched in awe as Grandma took over the Abingdon Street Fair: bumping into Teresa and David's girls, eating bratwursts and doughnuts, shooting arrows, spinning around really quick with Neil, gambling with the coin drop machine, and riding the carousel. She complimented the barman at the Crown for his espresso martini. Dominic picked up another Pikachu for his collection. Mummy's complaining she has nothing to do at work, and is now snacking before dinner, to match her naps before bed. Daddy delivered a new starter to Gemma (in a little paper bag with a cutie label and handwritten instructions inside), much to her surprise. On our way home we walked past a girl wearing exactly the same yellow waterproof jacket as Mummy's. The coincidence barely raised an eyebrow: only admiration for their joint good taste. The skimpily-dressed skinny Indian girl Mummy sees each morning said hello, while the plump purple hair woman Daddy sees each day, went natural for a day. The pile of pick-n-mix from the fair and the 100 Walkers biscuits we ordered might see us all head in her direction. When Mummy asked if Jeremy had put on weight, he weighed himself and said yes, he is 120lbs. What was he before? 119.7lb. Groan!  Mummy is bored with the alpaca jumper she's knitting and has started a purple one. Mummy booked her flight to Las Vegas - she needs a visa. Lynette was sacked by Quean after only a month. What a waste of Mummy's instruction time. County deliberately lost to Coalville in the FA Cup.

Week of October 10th 2022 - Boozy time

Jeremy has applied for over 70 jobs, with no replies. He's feeling down, when he shouldn't be. He's been meeting friends and doing stuff like: drinking late in various pubs and going to a golf driving range in Oxford and hitting balls. He came home with blisters, because: he's not used to swinging a golf club, he swings by running up to the ball and hitting it, and he tried to hit the ball as hard as a could, when subtlety is sometimes required. Not related, but he says he wants to try to try a rice, tomato and fried banana recipe. Dominic went into London (Good Hotel again) to play and have face to face meetings with management - which he prefers. His team went to an arcade and played silly throwing games. Mummy had her hair (particularly the fringe) permed really tight. She says she looks like a Hereford cattle or a sheep. She sheepishly entered Abingdon Surgery without a mask and asked for her blood test results. She has a 5% chance of a stroke in the next 10 years, according to Judy Fong her assigned doctor. Mummy has discovered the word cranky to describe her fatigue after walking more miles to work and back. She's constantly hungry, so, because McDs had no (free) McFlurrys, we went to Pizza Express at 5.30pm, where she discovered she likes Peroni, and now Daddy knows where to buy anchovy covered pizzas. On our walk back we got to wave at Maxine and her husband, who had been drinking at the White Horse (a Greene King pub of course) all afternoon. As Mummy has now been offered her position at the brewery permanently, Mummy drank alcohol for four days in a row (shum sort of record! ed), including at our first hotpot since it turned cooler. Daddy bought 12 Peronis for £1 each because he saw the offer at Co-op and they couldn't charge him the £17 real price. Mummy thought the movie Mrs Harris in Paris was quite funny. The scaffolding came down. County are top: Forest are not.

Week of October 3rd 2022 - Yellowish

Jeremy had three tiny fillings inserted by our friendly dentist. The first thing he said when he got home was: I can't feel my right nostril. He recovered his senses later (we think). His trip to Reading to met Quin was postponed because of the rail strike. Maxime only went into work once during the week (she was ill, and holidayed in Gibraltar (i.e. somewhere that Mummy can't pronounce)). The drivers were very talkative while she was gone, and she went with Alan Donnelly to buy a pair of cute, yellow, steel-capped, boots from a nearby warehouse - in case she has to go into the warehouse. The office politics therefore intensified. A driver nicknamed Stretch says he knows Granddad. Mummy is impressed with old man Ian (Wallace) knows how to screenshot something. It rained heavy (for the first time in a month) on Friday, but Daddy still walked to meet Mummy. Half way down Ock Street she texted and said that a kind lady in a small blue car had offered her a lift home. She felt sorry for Mummy walking in the rain with her tiny umbrella. Mummy immediately went to Oxford with the boys and bought a bright yellow, fisherman's, oilskin, rain coat. Dominic had a terrible hair cut. Parasol disappointed with a tiny, expensive, portion, of mostly onion, chilli beef.

Week of September 26th 2022 - Free food

Jeremy spent the week saying goodbye to Quin as she heads back to university. He's getting used to her leaving. Mummy spent five hours handing over her Prestigious responsibilities to Lynette in a single session, and has continued to talk to her every day. She received two bottles of free ReaLuna prosecco from work. She's so tired, she says she has to have a nap before going to bed. Her fatigue is grating, with Mummy and Daddy parting in the morning on bad terms, for the first time ever, over a pair of leopard boots. She watched a Clooney movie in an empty cinema, and laughed so hard she slapped her thigh. Abingdon fell silent during the Queen's funeral (no planes, cars or people - even the geese bowed in reverence). Daddy thought he left his phone outside, so had get off the bus and return home in the rain and catch another bus to Lorraine's for dinner. Linkee is a top game (for adults of a certain age). After calling HSBC for 2.5 hours Daddy failed a telephone banking test, but was told he can reset it at the branch and deactivate his security key. Waste. Daddy cooked dinner three days in a row. Exhausted recipes. Daddy read his 1,000th Guardian article this year. His stash of duty free will last until December 18th. McDs keep getting our orders wrong, and have had to refund us £12. Daddy picked up some conkers on his one of his walks with Mummy, only for Lorraine to ask for some. They don't deter house spiders.

Week of September 19th 2022 - Royally entertained

A very rude Pedro didn't bother to call Jeremy, as he said he would. His loss. We met Millie twice during the week: first, when Daddy was walking Mummy home from work on Ock Street (she was on her way to fill up her car), and second, when Jeremy was having dinner with Quin at The Narrows. Dominic travelled into London cheaply, because the bus driver thought he was under 26 and was a young person. He liked staying at the funky Good Hotel. He saw plenty of Royalist well-wishers and their flowers, but was disturbed that the police were forcefully telling them to lower their umbrellas even though it was raining. This contradicts the BBC's reporting that they were lowered out of respect for the Queen. He managed to see the Queen's coffin drive past his coach on his return. Mummy's friend Manin queued for nine hours to see the Queen lie in state. She also ventured into London to have a yummy two hour dim sum session with Parissa, Ian and Crissy at the Royal China on Baker Street, followed by the Lion King at the Lyceum. Lorraine and her got cheap tickets for the Royal Circle. Daddy asked who played the parrot? she replied: a human. She stayed overnight at the Club, but found the room noisy and cold, but she loves Walkers stem ginger shortbread. A day of shopping for bras, and at Liberty, produced lots of bags. Mummy invited our near neighbour, and knitting circle acquaintance, Sal, for tea. She made a right Royal spread of curry puffs and apple pie. Daddy backed up his computer with his new 1T external hard drive. Dominic has been producing some stunning photos using Stable Diffusion. County lost to dorky Dorking!

Week of September 12th 2022 - Fortune

Jeremy's week was not as lucky as the rest of us. He did spend time with Quin (which is a pleasurable fortune), but he couldn't match the luck that was bestow on the rest of his immediate family. Mummy was warned by a woman before turning into Lombard Street that a peregrine falcon was busy consuming a pigeon. Mummy thought this was a savage scene, but relented when she mentioned that we would be eating pork for dinner. Nature. Dominic travelled into London and booked into Good Hotel (on Mummy's recommendation), only to see a fox staring at him from behind a planter. Good-looking Daddy's good fortune was to pick three numbers and a luck star on Euro millions. He used the £6.60 to buy a bottle of Diablo red wine from Chile. Mummy unfortunately asked Jeremy to buy her some mints from Tesco, and, confusingly, to make sure they are not the one's she doesn't like. Actually, Jeremy could say he was fortunate if the viral interview with Pedro from Madrid works out well next week. The boys visited the dentist, with Dominic getting a new canine, while Jeremy was told he had three tiny cavities, and fat gums. Mummy had a medical check up, and, after three attempts, Dr. Richardson declared that her blood pressure was normal. The doctor thought Mummy was a gwei por (the name Thompson and the mask Mummy was wearing confused her). The doctor had to try twice to draw a blood sample from her antecubital fossa. Bruised. Her other health issues (bunion, perimenopause, wrist pain, were ignored). Despite Daddy's constant warnings about the health of the Queen, it was Dominic that broke the news of her passing. We watched as the BBC's coverage went black and the national anthem played. Moving. Jeremy told the dentist that he consumes three units of alcohol each week. He does, based on the wine and cocktails we drank all last week (except on vegetarian Mid-Autumn Festival)! Mummy and Daddy walked 23km last week, the equivalent of plodding all the way to Bicester. Someone in Mummy's office is called Stephen Thompson. Embarrassing. Daddy posted his 7,000th photograph on Flickr. The drought is over because the lawn is green again.

Week of September 5th 2022 - Great graduation

Jeremy's graduation day was a major success - triumph. After getting suited up, Daddy noticed, as the cab arrived, that his suit jacket had been attacked by moths. He changed to his other jacket. The cab driver, Simon of Sesh Taxi (Sesh is short for session as in drinking) was certain he had picked up the Grandparents before. We arrived at Brookes early even after navigating the road blocks in Oxford. Jeremy returned with his mortar board and gown and tickets for all of us to attend the ceremony (it was supposed to be only his parents). He met two of his fellow graduates (Anthony the style-master was a mess, but Polish Martyna was in red). We sat in the front of the guest section, and Jeremy was sat on seat I-11. He chatted away to everyone, with no cares - cool. The commencement procession was led by a mace. The speeches were average, with the socialist-capitalist guest Simon Biltcliffe, particularly unprepared. Jeremy strode on stage to our cheers. He said the Vice-Chancellor Alistair Fitt's handshake was weak after doing it 140 times. Only a third of the graduates had English names and there were only 14 females. We took photos outside, despite the slight breeze, and tried waiting for the taxi which was due at 7pm, but decided to leave early. The escalators at Westgate were broken, and Victor's was packed. We sat in the Riviera section, on a massive table. Quin was dressed nice, and was not shy to have her photo taken. The wine arrived with a sparkler. The music was loud. Apparently the sushi was good. We arrived home at 10pm. Jeremy stayed out late in town with Quin, who was hung over the day after - Zulu warrior. Mummy is making a blue itchy cardigan. She has 18 pairs of knitting needles - over the top. She had to work on the Bank Holiday, but on double pay. She has had to put up with some office politics (Boris was promoted to office manager), unbeknown to diabetic, smoker, six-grandsons, Max (who liked Mummy's sourdough starter a lot). She refuses to walk home with Jeremy after work, because he's too quick. Daddy can walk to Greene King in 15 minutes. It takes her 45. She received her first pay cheque in her Revolut account. She can't sit outside McDonald's because the seats are too high. Daddy got three numbers on Euro Millions ahead of Jeremy's graduation - omen. He shopped with Mummy at Lidl for the first time and liked it. He bought new shoes for the boys and a bunion foot strap in Oxford. It him took exactly one hour - efficient (but he wished he had paid for the young woman's bus ticket). Daddy answered the street intercom, and refused to let the person in because of the Benjamin robbery incident. The person pointed out that he attended the incident, so Daddy let him in. Later, at 10pm, the intercom rang again. Daddy refused his request to be let in, only for him to declare that he was a policeman. Daddy let him in. But, he went outside with his headlamp on to check. He met two policemen, who asked Daddy to go back indoors. Just then, someone shouted upstairs, which caused the coppers to look up in preparedness - nervy. Dominic made two highly-complicated, pistachio and raspberry roulades - chef. County still unbeaten - miracle.

Week of August 29th 2022 - Greene Day

Jeremy is bracing himself for his graduation next week by going out for lunch and dinner with Quin and playing D&D a lot. Daddy in the meantime has arranged transportation and booked Mummy's favourite restaurant: Victor's. Jeremy calls coffee - bean soup. He doesn't drink the stuff, and doesn't get hungry because, he says, "I ate a lot yesterday". Mummy started her 9-5 administration job at Greene King on Wednesday. She left home on time, but there was a major traffic accident on Ock Street (a car hit a gas main), so she walked "quickly" through Ock Valley, then got confused about where the warehouse was. End result: she was late on her first day! Daddy has been walking to meet her in Ock Street when she finishes, which she does at 5pm sharp. Granddad even picked her up on Thursday. Daddy thinks she overdresses, because she has to input data from dirty sheets of paper that have been stuck in a driver's cab all day. She has to wash her hands a lot. She eats wraps at her desk at lunch. She works and talks with blunt Maxine (another data inputter), as well as grumpy old-man Ian (who talks Yorkshire like Wallace), Wayne (the manager) and Alan (who spent time in the RCT, and went to Hong Kong when his father was posted there). It appears that everyone she has spoken with has been to Hong Kong at some point in time. They are all amazed she speaks English (33 years married is her standard explanation). She's been complaining about her bunions - which she calls bundles. Dominic says he prefers Peter Bunyan the giant, rather that Pilgrim's Progress John. Bone correction has started. Daddy pointed out on veggie day that a ploughman's quiche tastes of warm Branston pickle (yuk!). He spent all day finishing the Grandparent's memoir, and managed to extract more stories from them (motorbike, going to work with Gertrude etc). County still unbeaten. We watched Spurs rob Forest on the tellybox.

Week of August 22nd 2022 - Beer money 

Jeremy helped clear up student digs and went for several lunches during the week (Quin, Rosie etc). Mummy walked half an hour up Ock Street to Hong Kong-owned brewer Greene King's warehouse for a job interview, as an Office Administrator dealing with driver orders/deliveries. She was offered the job on the spot, and she has accepted. She will be one of three women (incl. blunt Maxine) inputting orders into a computer. The other 77 men on site will be doing other things (mostly swearing). She starts next week. Mummy read a story and promised she would tell Daddy she loved him every night before bedtime, in case he didn't wake up the next morning. She hasn't actually said it yet. Waiting. Mummy then retold the story about feeding 4-month old Dominic with water. When some leaked from his nose, she checked his breathing with her finger under his nose. Dominic spent most of the week in London's Z Hotel for the opening of Beamery's new (smaller) offices. He played virtual clay pigeon shooting and was quite good at it (as one would expect he had the highest accuracy score). So far no signs of illness. Bizarrely, Mummy's been listening to sea shanty songs after watching Fisherman's Friend in Oxford and eating Pho. Prior to that, she met Leong in Oxford for spur-of-the-moment sightseeing and Victors. The retail therapy in Primark involved £6 nylon collars that were reduced to an eye-popping 50p. They bought four. Mummy burned down the kitchen again (most serious case yet) as she left a wrap on the stove. The iron blew the sitting room electrics, so we bought a new racing car designed one. Dominic repaired the Dyson by replacing the wire - it works.

Week of August 15th 2022 - See see TV 

Jeremy had his friends round for a D+D session on the parched lawn (it hasn't rained in two weeks). They liked drinking Daddy's sangria special and the blackberry liqueur which Quin drank straight from a nice shaped bottle. Jeremy says he gets electrocuted when he switches on the bathroom lights, and has to use his t-shirt to switch it on. No one believes him. Mummy met and chatted to a wholly believable fellow knitter called Sal from Market House at Willows Shake. Finally, after eight weeks, Dominic has stopped coughing. Peter acted at hygienist at his cough-free dental appointment. He took a photo of a Wren on one of many walks and was impressed with Daddy's Haiku reply: Wren asked when, will it rain again? The quarterly property inspection was a non-event. But we were told that the incident with Benjamin two weeks ago was, in fact, a robbery, and that the perpetrator is Benjamin's friend and he has been arrested for stealing £1,500 worth of goods. Apparently he climbed the street wall and was seen in the CCTV coverage lying down on the cobblestones outside. Scaffolding has been erected on Twickenham House as the windows will be repainted. After five days, still no sign of the painter or any robbers. Mummy traveled to sweltering London to meet Juliana and Dr. So, for the excellent dim sum at Royal China on Baker Street (12 minutes away from the coach stop). She eventually walked down New Bond Street to Piccadilly to shop, and then caught the Tube and visited Shirley in Fulham. She tried to get to Marble Arch by Tube but the District line had been vandalised. Eventually she got to Hyde Park Corner, but refused to run 50 meters down Park Lane to the stop as the coach drove past. She eventually got home perspiring at 11pm. Daddy waited and watched as a local resident, during a drought, fill two watering cans from the standing tap near our lawn gate entrance (it's for the gardener's use). She looked decidedly guilty as she walked past the CCTV cameras. Granddad passed through five green lights in a row and kept the speed cameras quiet when driving us to watch the Forest match on the telleybox in Radley. Andy was at the match, adding to the luck required to win 1-0 vs West Ham. As per usual every summer, Grandma pushed Daddy in the swimming pool, and he swam 20 lengths with his Dad. After two matches, County are top of the league - based on the alphabet.

Week of August 8th 2022 - Annib'day knees up

Jeremy met up with some former-Larkmeaders (Morgan the gardener and others) at Pablo and returned home from Drayton late after a Romeo moment with Quin. He met Toby at Bicester with Mummy, and bought a funky tie. Daddy celebrated another birthday (I'm sweet 16, with 46 years experience) and anniversary (33rd) with tea at Grandma's (Dominic's made a swiss roll) and dinner at Bella Napoli (the waitress looked and sounded really Quin-familiar). Andrew and Diane gave Daddy his ciggies and the villa key. She was genuinely impressed with Mummy's knitting. Mummy wants to have a free NHS Medical Check (unlike Daddy) - because she wants a doctor to look at her wrinkly knees (which she discovered after seeing Dominic's stretch marks on his knees - he went from fat boy to thin man). Mummy is into vodka gimlet (David's fault). She fixed Pikachu's ear so that he punches his own eye. The nine inch sofa arm table is too small to use in bed because her legs are not thin enough. Daddy hair cut by Hannah - tonsurephobia. Dominic still coughing - but less. His company has implemented Unplugged Friday - first Friday of the month off. Hollyhock and lemon trees appeared.

Week of August 1st 2022 - Travelled

Jeremy managed a BBQ and a D&D night on the same day, as he settles firmly into his dry summer holidays. His only concern is Philip's visa status. The repair shop across our new tarmac road fixed Mummy's iPhone in an hour. Mummy and Daddy travelled to Bromsgrove to spend time with Claire (and Vido). We travelled to Worcester to meet Claire's father, Keith. We were served an OTT high tea in his eclectic French Palace flat. We visited perpendicular Worcester Cathedral, Norman crypt, Chapter House, sat in the Jesus Chapel, and lit a candle for Girlie. Listened to Wednesday draw. Dry Negronis were followed by tapas dinner and a wet visit to a Weatherspoons and a local. On Sunday we traveled to the verdant Severn Valley Railway, where we caught a steam engine pulling antique carriages to the tourist town of Bridgnorth. Mummy was lightly hit by something when she put her head out of the window. The steam was pleasantly smelly. We had tea at one of the many coffee shops, with a helpful staff returning a leaflet. A scarecrow impersonated Daddy in a park. We browsed charity and antique shops, where we were served by a dotty, muttering, incapacitated, dear old thing. Daddy bought Victorian stamps, a Forest programme, and Victorian egg cups. After a roast lunch and Desperados, we returned by steam, with the mahogany compartments bringing back memories of travelling by train in our school days. The volunteers were keen to have their photos taken. We sang along to Can't take my eyes off you, by a Jersey (boys) Four in a local pub as we walked back. We travelled to Royal Leamington Spa (no actual spas to Mummy's chagrin), and waited an hour for our delayed train, while listening to the Lionesses win Euro 22. A kind girl let us sit together on the train. On the X2, an elderly couple complained about the unhelpful foreigners in Oxford, only for the Indian woman, who they thought was local, gleefully agreeing with them. A massive 300lb young man entered the bus and flashed his disable card at a middle-aged roughneck scouser sitting in the disable seats. He pointed out that he was disabled too, but didn't have a card. The sweaty youngster took offense, told him he was autistic, that Northeners should stay up North and challenged the man to step outside the bus. Eventually, he pulled back and left the bus. We only walked 10k steps a day during the weekend, but it felt like more. Snaps to Vido for driving us +200 miles in his newish car (Durham or Penzance). It was the first time one of his siblings had stayed overnight at his place. Daddy paid for the duty-free ciggies Andy bought, so he will have to meet him next week. Daddy spent some time editing and inserting 70 photos into the Grandparent's little memoir. There was much discussion about the contents over a superb beef brisket dinner. Dominic hair cut, on the second attempt because Duke's only accepted cash. He's still coughing. Daddy finished being ill.

Week of July 25th 2022 - Degrees

Jeremy received his degree certificate from Brookes in the post, so Daddy added it to the other two in the family to make a Three Degrees montage. He spent time in Drayton with bed-ridden Quin who had some sort of mystery injury that he refused to talk about. Quin's father works on IT security for the RAF, so he passed on some job-hunting advice over their pasta dinner. Dominic continued to cough, while Daddy couldn't shake off his blocked nose and fatigue. He tested negative for COVID. Mummy dropped her phone resulting in streaky lines down the screen. Dominic took it apart with some tools we bought on Amazon, but after cleaning the connections, it is still damaged. She will reluctantly give it to the repair shop across the road. Mummy asked if the papaya seeds from the salad she made are "growedable". We confirmed that Jeremy puts too much food in this mouth when eating. "I'm hungry" was the excuse for his poor manners. We hoped he behaved in front of the Cookes. We watched the Swan Upping ceremony at the bridge. They only toasted the Queen with some sort of alcoholic beverage from their skiffs, because the swans here had been warned of their arrival and had scarpered. Daddy found a swan feather by the river which he will fix to the staff he recently peeled. We did not suffer at all from the heat wave (the temperature hit 38 degrees here) because we are underground. Sweaty James (who probably did suffer) made inquiries about the late night incident with Benjamin last week. The fire alarm went off at 2am, for the second time this year (why does it do that at such ridiculous hours?). Daddy has been carrying a pokewalker in his pocket for ten whole years.

Week of July 18th 2022 - Party ill

Jeremy spent all week saying final goodbyes to many of his COVID-infected university friends as they disperse around the country. Grandma's 82nd birthday party (planning for which started on January 21st) was a complete surprise to her (what are all these chairs for?). Granddad caught up with Alan, Ian's dog had a go at Tinker, while Grandma and the rest of the mother's cooed over the recent additions to the Humphreys clan. Mummy says you should always eat noodles on your birthday - longevity. We were woken by childish Benjamin Pennington from 20F at 2am. After repeatedly telling him we cannot open the door to his flat and that he should stop swearing and sober up, we unplugged the phone. Against this backdrop, was the inconvenience of Daddy being ill all week - with a blocked nose, a loss of appetite, and fatigue. It is the first time he's been ill since late 2017 and it was the worst, most persistent, bout of illness he has experienced in decades. Jeremy noted that the house is less tidy than usual and Mummy insisted it was COVID, when it was not. Daddy missed celebrating his Chinese calendar birthday on Monday because he was sick and tired. He managed to walk to the meadow to see the full moon, but got a long-distance firework display instead. Despite his weariness, Daddy struggled through the heat and illness to clean our outdoor table and chairs for Grandma's birthday, only to be told, after he finished, that they will not be needed. Mummy expensive hair cut and curls at Forresters. Mummy watched an Elvis movie for some reason (even though she knows she's a genius with her bread making and elaborate knitting skills, but she knows nothing about rock n'roll). Dominic still coughing. The dentist says he can't remove his wisdom teeth.

Week of July 11th 2022 - It's a London thing

We discovered that Jeremy's friends had bought him the very expensive Boss suit and that his first just got more valuable. As a reward, Mummy dragged Daddy and Jeremy to London to met Leong and her son. We met excitedly under the clock at Waterloo station because they had to travel from West Sussex by train because his stationary food truck was damaged by a reckless car. We ate Korean lunch in the pedestrianised street near London Eye where the accident happened. The Vault under Waterloo was interesting. As we couldn't meet Ethan we boys headed home, but the bus was late because of a suicide incident at Maidenhead. Oxford train commuters were filling the bus at Victoria and it was not stopping at Marble Arch. An eccentric woman in the queue was convinced she knew Daddy and thought Jeremy was some sort of digital genius. We waited an hour, left and returned after a coffee and a pee at M&S food hall. The bus was running normal again. Mummy took a tour of the sites and the river, and met Manin for a late Korean dinner in Tottham Court Road (sic). She visited Greenwich on her second day, and Chinatown for dim sum on her third. The floating Good Hotel was OK. The Tube bus driver was angry. We boys lived on take aways while Mummy was away. Mummy had a quiet birthday, with tapas dinner and a queen Mary Berry cake, bought by Jeremy and Quin at Tesco (they stayed for a Chinese take away dinner). Daddy got ill with a head cold, two days after returned from the confined virus-infected spaces of London. Dominic continued to cough all week. The fuse tripped in the sitting room.

Week of July 4th 2022 - Suited and confused

Jeremy bought a £400+ suit from Hugo Boss for his graduation with Ollie. The jacket and pants don't match, and, in order to achieve some sort of value for money, he's going to have to remain slim for a very long time. Daddy now realizes there are two J. Thompsons in the house, after he automatically gave a Post Office collection notice to Jeremy. Actually, it was for the other J. - Joey Thompson. Mummy started her birthday celebrations early with dinner at Grandparents. Daddy recalled at the scrummy dinner a conversation he had with a confusing old chap who wanted to look at our cobbled courtyard (he was in his 90s, hearing aided, from Berwick, and had lived in Abingdon for 40 years, but had not lost his Geordie accent because he didn't want to sound posh). Having let him in and recounted some of the local history, Daddy asked him if he had seen a Amazon parcel on the street. He pointed out that a local hooligan could have taken it. When Daddy mused that it could have been tattoo John, he asked if he knew John's surname, to which the old man replied: Bill Godwin. Daddy was confused because he is certain his first name was John, to which the old chap proudly replied: no that's my name, Bill Godwin (which was also the name of Granddad's reckless OC in Borneo - who made him drive around the jungle in a soft-top jeep). In the end, the parcel was delivered to John upstairs. He handed over the parcel and apologized because he had only just arrived home, to which Daddy snorted: I know, I heard. Dominic is still coughing audibly. The wedding gift from the Pope finally arrived (Hallelujah!). The caterpillar escaped. Daddy finished stripping the bark off a tree branch with his finger nails. It looks like a wizard's staff or wand or cane because the wood of the spruce tree is pure white. 25 years since the hand over was sadly unobserved.

Week of June 27th 2022 - Panda hat and jacket

A quiet week for Jeremy, as he counted the congratulations from last week's epic news. He's preparing for the graduation ceremony by buying a jacket for the big day, and eating a BBQ in Oxford with his ex-uni friends. He delivered Quin's birthday gift and they stayed over for an all-day breakfast dinner expertly delivered by Daddy. Jeremy needs to figure out food portion sizes, after Mummy decided to make a buffet-style minchi. He helped himself to an 800gm pile. Dominic's cough is worsening, and sounds like another long one. Honey and lemon don't seem to be doing him any good. Fortunately, he was clear for his contribution to a laid-back Beamery promotion video. There have been questions asked about the panda hat he wore throughout. His bio says that he wears a variety of animal hats when working and he draws "really good diagrams". Mummy is following a new diagram for a white sweater she has started knitting. She walked to very large Radley College to get a glimpse of some terrible cakes, and watch Mary Berry decide which was not the worst. She was fascinated by the solstice. Daddy has been glued to the winning cricket, and agrees that Marina look-a-like Diana Ross is an icon, so she can sing out of tune if she wants to. As Mummy always says: it's a free country (particularly the bit called West Sussex). This Weekly Diary is now 175,000+ words long. WordPress site passed 170k hits.  Flickr: 38m views. Mummy and Daddy celebrated their official 34th anniversary since they started dating (Monday 20th June 1988) - although they had been double dating since Thursday June 9th 1988 (at Rumours bar in Causeway Bay).

Week of June 20th 2022 - First

There was only really one piece of news this week: Jeremy received an email from university stating that he had been awarded a First for his BSc (Honours) degree in Computer Science from Brookes. He rushed out of his bedroom to tell us the news. He was very excited and hugged both Daddy and Mummy very hard. He was not expecting a First, so it came as a big surprise (although (Tiger) Mummy put a bit of dampener on the atmosphere by asking if there was anything higher (A+?)!) After six years, the decision to bring him to England, has been completely vindicated! We are very proud of him both academically and socially. He has been spending plenty of time with Quin and his D&D crew. Mummy is making tentative arrangements for her nephew Oscar to come to England. She even walked to oily Larkmead to check it out. Mummy booked a hotel room for her trip to London next month with Leung Leung. Daddy enjoyed his sleepy Father's Day card (they wrote that they love their Daddy very much, which is something they have never declared to their Mummy on her Mother's Day cards), raspberry cupcakes (that look like nan nans) and dinner at Bella Napoli (the Chianti Poggio Galiga was very good). Dominic is suffering the most from the high pollen count caused by the warmer weather. Fortunately, our naturally cool Hobbit house has meant we have slept comfortably - although Daddy's dream about Obama in a hotel room and a train ticket was disturbing. For the record: We boys are blood type A minus, while Mummy is O. England amazingly chased down NZ. 

Week of June 13th 2022 - Party

Jeremy returned from Farnham but unfortunately for Quin, the doctors could do nothing for them, except to rule out some possibilities. They found time to attend Tiana's birthday party in Oxford, and Quin's pre-21st birthday family lunch at Hag's Head. Mummy noted that it is one year since she received her Biometric Residence Permit (four more to go, so no party yet). She and Lorraine watched admiringly at some CG of Tom Cruise's abs in Top Gun. She was lucky to see them as Neil had booked their tickets for the previous day. She had her hair dyed by Robbie. She screamed loudly when a dog attacked her on the way to Tesco. Instagram returned access to Daddy's account, after he accidentally inputted an incorrect birthday. Daddy put a painting in for repairs after mui mui knocked it over and noted that the watercolour was painted on a Reeves' board. Dominic went into London to drink champagne and play Jenga with his colleagues. We had our first picnic party of the year, but it was still too cold, and Dominic suffered from the pollen. Wootton left County to party at Stockport.

Week of June 6th 2022 - Jubilee things

Jeremy has been spending a lot of time with his girlfriend (as you would expect), walking around town, drinks in Oxford with Trixie, and accompanying them to Farnham so they could attend a physiotherapy session for their wrist issues. He achieved 82% on his cloud/IOT module (he is still waiting for the rest of his results but the signs are good). We finally got some bunting from Radley, after searching town for some after taking tea at St Ethelwold's with Grandma. There were no street parties near us, but everyone was impressed with the bunting on our street (even though John ruined it a bit with his Aussie flag contribution). Jubilee lunch at Radley was interrupted by the roar of a flypast of typhoons and F35s (after they had finished at Buck Palace). Although the Astra was removed from #9, Daddy noticed another Astra (exact same model) parked nearby, with a flat type and busted up fender. We saw the black chap from 20B drive the first offending Astra away. It appears both Astra's are the same age, have failed multiple MOTs, and are due their next MOT on the same day! When Lorraine wanted to park up, a 20-year old Mercedes (that had failed 8 MOTs) was in our space. We picnicked at Rye Farm to listen to Daze (amongst other bands), but it started drizzling, so we left. Mummy didn't want to go into the heaving crowd at the Jubilee bun throwing, so we didn't get to catch one this time. Mummy completed the ruffle on her latest jumper. England's Root beat NZ, and Grimsby won in overtime again.

Week of May 30th 2022 - Luck around town

Jeremy had just finished a D&D session, when he was approached by a Brazilian student named Gaia at our street gate. She asked him and Josh where the best pubs in town are. Jeremy informed her he was "attached", so Josh took her to the Anchor. Quin has got him really well trained. They dragged him for 10km around town. He says he couldn't text us because he was holding their hand and carrying their bags. He's not as lucky as Dominic, who Daddy dealt two pairs of aces in a row at poker (which produced some very good Moss impersonations). Daddy drank some coffee, but instead of swallowing it, the coffee poured out of his nose, and onto a plate of biscuits. Everyone thinks the incident was amusing, but Daddy thinks it was highly unusual and quite troubling. Andrew (plus Harrison and newly attached Olivia) watched lucky Forest beat Huddersfield at Wembley, but County lost their manager and to a last second goal by Grimsby (despite the lucky purchase of a whole box of double-yolk eggs). Someone left their 10-year old tatty (failed MOT in 2019, broken left wing mirror) diesel Astra in our car park space. A note seems to have cleared them off, but there is another beaten up Astra (flat left rear tyre and smashed up left fender) in an opposite car park space. Daddy gave some travellers that had camped on Rye Farm Meadow the side of eye. They have moved on in time for the Jubilee. The bunting on East St Helen is the densest in town, but was demolished by a high-sided (Co-op (?)) lorry. It has since been restored. Mummy is up to 1.16 mins planking, and she finished knitting her baby blue jumper (she completing one a month at the moment).

Week of May 23rd 2022 - Neutral

Jeremy has confused us all with news that Becky has changed her name and gender to a neutral status. It's a serious situation, which we carefully respect. They stayed over one night, and looked pretty much the same (small and delicate). Jeremy is thinking about whether he should go to Florida's Disneyland with the Cook family this summer. He went matcha (powdered tea) tasting in Oxford, just because, and will form a new D&D group with some new acquaintances they met there. Dominic left for a jolly with his colleagues in London, playing real-life Pac-man. He won the People's Prize at the hackathon. He ate vegetarian tapas (!) and only got to meet his team briefly. He returned to a dentist appointment and a recommendation to recap his fangs and to go for a 3D scan to see if his nerve is interfering with his wisdom teeth. While Dominic was away, we ate (seabass, gorgonzola pizza and seafood risotto) at a very warm Bella Napoli and returned to watch Forest win on penalties (Samba's second save was hilarious). Nikki turned up for a 5-star rated salmon meal and walkies. Mummy had a couple of fillings inserted by Peter Sands and got sprayed at by 2nd wife Fiona the hygienist. She is up to 70 secs plank (but her logic that two 60 secs planks at different times of the day adds up to 2 minutes is flawed). Daddy politely asked battleaxe Jennifer from upstairs to turn the volume of her TV down. East St Helen is full of bunting (Mummy says: so much blue, red and white! (silly irregular language!))

Week of May 16th 2022 - Exams to Falmouth

Jeremy took his penultimate exam on Monday. He was kindly stripped of his ancient calculator and AgnesB watch before it started. He thinks he aced the test, but had to submit an official complaint about the wording of a question, which didn't make sense. His new blue Brexit passport arrived back after only 18 days. He went suit shopping in Oxford ahead of his graduation (nothing fitted his 32 inch waist). Jeremy's 22nd birthday (on Friday the 13th) was hectic, as he had to take his final exam in the morning (which he finished confidently early, and met Eddie on the way there), arrive home for cake, photos, and singing with his Grandparents (who Mummy met by chance while buying his cake at Waitrose) and then leave for a five hour trip to Falmouth. Ex-PC John drove Becky and Jeremy in his Ford to a BnB with a view of the estuary so they could meet up with happy Rosie. Jeremy was pleased there was plenty of bodywash, towels, and pillows in the flat. They ate at a local spoons and pub crawled. Rosie threw up. A local breakfast of doughnuts was followed by a 10km hike over a hill and along the sandy beach. Becky got a strange tan and Jeremy had to carry her bag (she's training him good). An evening of pizza and DnD was too much for Becky, who threw up the vodka and coke. Doughnuts for breakfast was too much for Ewan, who threw up, but managed to drive them home on Sunday. 9/10 rating for the trip. The views of the Cornish sea and countryside was the highlight. We met Eddie and family in Victor's for an early birthday lunch (mostly sushi) for Jeremy and to say goodbye as they head back to Hong Kong. We met Zed, Hilary's Czech Lebanese boyfriend. Mummy bought another top from Zara which was the same as Charlie's, who she met by chance when she walked to the boathouse. Daddy and Granddad got very excited watching Forest win. Daddy booked dental appointments - just. Jeremy will officially cease being a student on May 31st. Daddy and Jeremy's average daily steps is 1,500 year to date. After several failed attempts, Mummy has gone deep into her latest knitting adventure, after some help from Gerald of Willow Shake. She's holding her 45 second plank routine. We discovered in the Oxford Mail that tattoo John is on the run after he was accused of beating someone up on a boathouse near Nags. Daddy discovered he had photographed a Sedge warbler for his 62nd bird.

Week of May 9th 2022 - Exercise affair

Jeremy spent the week revising ahead of his finals. He seems pretty confident, so he's been playing and messing about at all hours. He has decided that he wants to buy a suit for his graduation and wants a D20 for his birthday, and cash. He doesn't need it to go to Cornwall, but the passport office informed him his new one has been approved. Mummy has started a 28 day plank challenge and is holding steady at 1 minute. Walking twice to see the wildlife at Orchard Lake with Dominic during the week is now part of her exercise regime. Daddy couldn't get on the fallen tree fast enough to take a selfie, much to everyone's amusement. They even dipped their toes in the lake to check out what the ice bathing craze is all about. Daddy spilled a bowl of warm water he was going to use to clean her filthy feet in the sitting room. We didn't feel any guilt at all when we declined to help to make jubilee bunting, but someone did persuade Mummy to go into the old dungeon of Long Gallery. She says she doesn't have time to have an affair with someone (a la Bill Gates), but she might consider it if Daddy asked her to watch a football match at any future wedding anniversaries. She rated the new Downton Abbey movie she watched in Oxford with the in-laws a 7/10. Ordering the pre-movie Nando's was hilarious. 

Week of May 2nd 2022 - Bailed savings

Jeremy should have attended his last university lecture on Wednesday, but decided it wasn't worth travelling two hours for a one hour revision session. Instead, he finished his Wordle clone, and recorded his 5-minute explanation video, thus completing his final coursework for his BSc (Hons). He has two final exams (in a hall in Osney Mead) and his university days will be over. As usual, nothing seems to phase him. Even though: Philip returned to Chile and bailed on a D&D session. Andy in the meantime bailed on St Ethelwold's teatime visit. Mummy went all-in the summer of 1975 at Zara in Oxford (flares, padded shoulders etc), but didn't buy anything from Lou Lou's vintage fair - except a glass bottle and a magnifying glass (? - ed). As Lorraine came down with COVID, Dominic and Mummy went to watch The Waitress with Grandma in Oxford. Mummy thought the plot was unrealistic, while Dominic thought it was a comedy. Daddy paid, with great difficulty, the import duty for a DHL delivery of COVID care pills to an influencer staying at a hotel in Bologna. Daddy's Revolut card arrived. He spent £15, thus allowing Mummy to qualify for the £50 referral reward. Dominic saved 20% on a shop, using Waitrose vouchers. Musk bought Twitter on Daddy's 11th anniversary. Mummy is still on 45 seconds planking (she can't break the pain barrier). Daddy wont need to buy ciggies until 22nd July (a £290 saving - *cough*). Daddy gave up Quordle after 71 days.

Week of April 25th 2022 - Hair raising

Jeremy finally plucked up the courage to get his hair cut - by Hannah at Forresters. She brutally cut off his 12 inch pony tail, and then proceeded to turn him into a normal-looking male human being. He can't donate the tail, because it is layered. It weighs 42 grams and is residing in the box with his baby teeth etc. He says he feels weak and weird with no hair - like Samson. The boys look like twins now. Mummy has reluctantly put his hair bands and other hair accessories away. Daddy and mui mui are pleased we don't have to clean up after him quite so much now. His resultant transformation meant Daddy could finally apply for his replacement passport, which he had been deliberately delaying because 1) the backlog 2) no need and 3) his appearance (he will thank me in 10 years time). Daddy hair cut too. Mummy finished Daddy's blue jumper, which he wore for three days in a row in celebration. He accidentally wore it while he varnished the outdoor table, without causing any damage. Mummy didn't do any damage to herself as she hit one minute planking. The plank John returned. Neil returned a positive test for COVID, so no show for him at dim sum and tea at Grandma's for Thomas' birthday. Weather has been good (except when Jeremy met Becky for a 16k step walk), so the flowers and vegetables sprouted.

Week of April 18th 2022 - Walkies for tea

Easter break for Jeremy lasts two weeks, leaving him plenty of time to see Becky (who calls him Jez or Jerry) at the pub, go to working barbecues and hang out with his D&D crew. They managed to finish their epic game, with the player who turned into a dragon the last one standing. Mummy and Daddy visited St Ethelwold's for £10 tea and cake, where 80-year old Prof. Pauline Rudd, an award-winning biologist who had spent time in Asia, asked to join us. Among the many co-incidences we discovered: she's from Nottingham, her son was an adjutant at Gun Club, and her grandson's name is Dominic (but they call him Nicky). Daddy finally retrieved a missing parcel from Edith, which had been delivered by a faulty courier called Robin to an old German chap at #20 who works late so couldn't return it to us. As the weather warmed up, Mummy decided to stretch her legs after weeks being cooped up with the lurgy. We had so much fun last week we returned to squawky Radley Lakes (after Barton Field, and pass the horse manure), and saw more wildlife (swans that don't like rice, a dog that jumped on Mummy with its muddy paws, and a half eaten bream etc) for another picnic with Dominic and again, using another route, via the river. 6km a day has meant Mummy has built up a bit of stamina. So she continued her walkies obsession by shopping a lot in sunny Oxford (shoes, tees and food). We had our first BBQ of the year - with some familiar-tasting Belgium beer. Planted sunflowers, borage and forget-me-nots. Daddy has taken 10,000 photos with his Sony NEX 5-T camera. How does he know? It told him so.

Week of April 11th 2022 - John who?

Jeremy only went into school once during the week, but got full marks for his presentation on file systems and 80% for his fog computing paper. But, despite starting his Easter break he says he's been too busy to meet with Becky Cooke of Drayton. His regular Thursday D&D group couldn't bring themselves to close their eight month long adventure, so they will try again next week. He had time to order his gown and 63cm mortar board for his graduation ceremony. He's been complimenting Mummy a lot because he told her he will be going on a road trip to Cornwall with his friends on his birthday. Mummy has also been very uncomfortable with her bout of flu (Daddy refused to test her for COVID because she did not have a temperature), and spent practically a whole day in bed sleeping it off. She's recovered now, and has continued knitting the arms of Daddy's navy blue jumper. We managed to walk to Radley Lakes for a picnic where Daddy photographed his 61st UK bird (a rather photogenic Firecrest that wouldn't stop hopping about) and a muntjac. Dominic is very cautious about where to stick his googly eyes. Our usually diligent postman mistakenly put a letter from Thames Water that was addressed to John upstairs (who has been absent for over a week) in our postbox. Daddy duly put it under his door but before he did he noticed that his name is not John Dawson - it's John Douglas! A human flesh search confirmed this. We agreed to continue to refer to him by his former moniker. We planted tomatoes and avocados.

Week of April 4th 2022 - More illness

Jeremy was a lot more relaxed this week, as he finished his pseudo-code file management paper and was free of the flu. Becky's return and figuring out the end of his long-running D&D story were welcome distractions. Mummy's cold (which she probably picked up from Jeremy) has been getting steadily worst over the week, with many tissues stuck up her (expanding?) nose, wearing a large woolly hat, much looking for and receiving of sympathy, and lots of rubbing of her eyes like a bunny rabbit. She has been occasionally taking flu pills, which she says make her feel more ill. The gai dan tsai at Willow Shake didn't make her sick (they tasted genuine enough), but she was very critical of their appearance. We were the first to try them, so our feedback (serve them in paper bags, use cornflour etc) should improve them. We spent three hours in the morning in said Willow Shake while the electrician replaced the fuseboard and changed the lights (which are blindly bright) and the radiator in the bathroom. Dominic had to WFC (work from cafe), much to his annoyance. Jeremy joined us for lunch after school. There was significant charring on the inside of the board, which explains why the estate agent was so concerned about the proximity of our cardboard packing boxes in the storeroom. Why it took a month to replace it when it was a clear fire hazard is unknown. Daddy had put the offending boxes in our car park space, so when Thomas asked to park there he went down to have a look at them, only to find they were not there. James explained that he had moved them to a storage area near the garage for safe keeping (without our permission). It sort of snowed. Daddy de-scaled many things. Andy and Diane recovered from COVID.

Week of March 28th 2022 - Talented flu

Jeremy confirmed on Monday morning that Philip in fact did not have hay fever when he met him on Friday. He woke up with a 101 degree temperature. It was only influenza, but he decided to skip classes for the week. This gave him plenty of time to revise file management systems with Dominic - the latter's specialty. Dominic also used his array of skills for Mothering Sunday by carving another silhouette card (this time a cat with a ball of wool) for his mother, and cooked her a salmon pasta dinner. He also accompanied her on a walk to Rye Farm and bought her a pair of summer shoes. Previously, Dominic returned from his unproductive trip to London with a story about a woman sat behind him who left the burger joint he was eating in without paying. The staff asked if he saw her leave, which he confirmed, and as a reward for this information, they gave him a 20% discount. The name of the restaurant: Honest Burgers! Mummy honestly tried wearing stacked heels to dinner in Oxford with Lorraine, but had to give up because of our cobbled and graveled paths. She had a good giggle when Daddy tucked in his stomach in bed - another of his many specialties. The less than talented people from Breckon came to inspect the flat again, and were sent on their way with fleas in their ears from an irritated Daddy. He was also upset by England's collapsing cricketers and the people at the Nags Head for letting off fireworks during Earth Hour! We spent our annual hour of semi darkness, lighting candles, snuggling, and talking about: head sizes, army rations, and Jeremy's bus dreams.

Week of March 21st 2022 - Fixed BGs jumper

Jeremy handed in his final paper - ahead of the deadline. His classmates have all asked for extensions. The relief at completing this major task was palpable. For the record, it is deposited on Github here: https://github.com/19045123/Javascript-Version He went out with Philip (who should have also been doing his dissertation) all day, and came home feeling funny. Property inspectors turned up at the wrong time - not amusing as the landlord was not with them. Mummy watched a Bee Gees cover band in Oxford with two other dancing mothers - at least she knew most of the songs this time. She's started knitting a dark blue cable-knit jumper for Daddy just in time for summer, after completing a sparkly white top for herself. She had a trim at Forresters and promised to give Gemma a sourdough starter. She has taken to putting a big roller in the front of her head - in the style of Korean pop starlets. Daddy fixed the sofa with thumb tacks and repaired his carpet slippers with a bit of sewing. Dominic travelled into London, after we had tea with Grandma before they head to the Continent, to meet some newbies for lunch. Daddy watched 1,238 runs for no result.

Week of March 14th 2022 - Three thirds

Jeremy has gone beyond the main requirements for his final paper, and is getting ready to put fingers to keyboard. He has forgone all social activities to complete the task, except mid-week, because he spent the day virtually with Becky as they celebrated their third anniversary (bless!). The stress is starting to tell, as he has developed a concave shaped white spot inside his cheek. He disclosed that his last exam will be on his birthday, and that he plans to travel to Cornwall with Ewan on the same day for a road trip. Mummy went to London for two days to attend a new store opening for Organic Pharmacy. She got up at 5.30am to make it to Cardogen Gardens near Sloane Square for the opening at 10am just about in time. The train was delayed, she got on the wrong tube line (because she's so used to the District Line) and Daddy was useless at giving her walking directions. She had a nice facial, and sat next to a German anti-vaxxer for lunch. Dinner was late, as they listened to Ruben Tavares from Colombia tell his life story (ballet, athlete, cured by Organic Pharmacy, trains boxers (Rio) etc). She got to Ibis (for the third time) by cab, but next day Shirley was busy and Manin was ill. Mummy used her Revolut card successfully, but has difficulty remembering our home phone number. Daddy moved the packing boxes from the storeroom to the car park after a third visit from an electrician, who warned that they represented a fire risk (in our wooden house!). In the cups: Forest were great against Hud, but County failed vs Wrexham. Three tons for England! Town hall is flying the Ukraine flag. We switched off our electricity for 20 minutes in support.

Week of March 7th 2022 - Delicious

Jeremy enjoyed his operating system file lecture, but decided to miss the rest of the week's seminars to work on his final paper. It has now reached a stage of development where the code is almost complete and it works! His fog computing paper was short and sweet. Clearwater finally installed a new sewage pump without anyone noticing - mwah! Emmett the electrician turned up so he could figure out how much it is going to cost to fix the fuseboard. Daddy is getting sick and quite tired of emptying and repacking the storeroom. He was also upset with the little Thai woman at Poundland who refused to allow him to buy more than three boxes of their cheapo Panadol - even though he explained that he was donating them to the poor suffering Ukrainians (via R&R). Dominic's hair cut in Oxford was a little wonky, but the sushi he brought back was umai. Daddy made minchi with Marmite and Spam - it was also saboroso. Daddy managed 3.10 mins leg lift, 25 press ups and 3:10 mins plank, but stopped for a while for fear of injury. Forest/County avoided defeat in the nick of time. 

Week of February 28th 2022 - Waiting for repairs

Jeremy is starting to really stress over his finals. So much so that he's eating like a horse. He didn't have to attend lectures because it was consolidation week (except for a group presentation which went down well), but Professor Zhu told him he must include machine learning in his final paper - thus inducing a major panic attack.  Fortunately, all-listening Github has come to the rescue. A hard-of-hearing electrician finally turned up to look at our trippy fuseboard. He confirmed that the sewage pump (which had just been repaired) was causing the tripping. He moved it away from the other fuses, but couldn't switch it on. This meant that we had electricity in the house, but the pump is still not working. Another electrician turned up for Clearwater, the sewage pump contractors. A chatty chap confirmed that the pump will need changing (which was his original recommendation). We discovered that he lived in Singapore when he was a child with his navy parents in 1965 (probably at Sembawang). A routine inspection of the electrics of the house by two jolly electricians discovered that part of the fuseboard is shot. Finally, the bath started gurgling again (no pump you see!), so OCS had to come and pump out the water from the drain again. To conclude: Clearwater identified a problem at a routine inspection, but did nothing. The pump blew and was patched up. The patch caused the fuseboard in the house to blow. We are now waiting for the pump and fuseboard to be replaced. PS: apparently, our landlord's premiums are set to rise dramatically when he claims for the thousands of pounds he will have to fork out to pay for the repairs. Mummy went to her knitting shake shop and sat with Sue while she helped Mummy untangle a ball of pink wool. Apparently Sue likes doing these kinds of thing. She met Sue again at Masons as she bought some sparkly white wool for another jumper. Dominic went to London to be filmed (wearing his panda hat) for a promotional video for Beamery (which is Ukrainian owned). Pavel was quite emotional (as we all are). And to add to everything, we are concerned about the worsening COVID situation in Hong Kong. Daddy: 3 mins leg lift, 25 press ups, 3 mins plank.

Week of February 21st 2022 - Trippy

Jeremy went into town to complete a group project with his classmates. He missed a scrummy tea party, but he's feeling a bit better about his work. None of us were feeling good, though, on Sunday evening when the electricity went off in half the house. Daddy was soaking in the pitch-black bathroom at the time. We could not solve the problem as the fuse box kept tripping (both instantly and after a long delay), no matter what combination of switches we tried. We suspect it's something to do with the recently fixed sewage pump. While buying a bottle of wine at the Co-op for Valentines, a young, red-faced, man asked Daddy if he could buy one for him. Daddy replied that he was not his wife. After some amount of chuckles, he pointed out that Daddy's wife is very lucky, to which Daddy quipped: I KNOW she's very lucky (emphasis mine). Doctor Daddy went to rescue of Mya at Forresters as he administered pain killers and re-bandaged her left middle finger after she pulled off half her nail closing her car door. The storm did it. The other damaged done by Storm You not nice was when Mummy opened the front door and a gust of wind blew loads of leaves into the house. She picked up a holly leaf and pricked her finger - drawing blood (gasp!). Mummy has been up all night knitting her latest pink and green slipover/tank top. She keeps bumping into all of the ladies at her knitting sessions at Willows Shake in different parts of town. She wants to try Missing Bean but Jeremy says she shouldn't because (according to a friend of his that works there) all the customers are rude. Daddy was steady as a rock at 2.30mins for leg lift, 30 press ups and 2.30mins plank (rectus abdominis). Daddy has not added any weight, but Jeremy says that he woke up one morning and felt noticeably heavier compared to the night before - strange! Daddy stopped playing Wordle in protest. He finally saw the kingfisher at the bridge - for the fourth year in a row.

Week of February 14th 2022 - Body and mind

Jeremy says he can't help shy, green-hair Imogen, who Mummy met at Willows Shake, with joining a D&D group at Clockwork. He says she needs to form her own group of similar-minded friends. He has managed to break the back of his final project and will crack on now to try and finish it in the next four weeks. He's been feeling a little bit blue recently as he has realised that the end of his education journey is coming to a conclusion and that his comfortable lifestyle is about the change drastically. Mummy met a women from her knitting circle while she walked slowly to Rye Farm. Grandma seemed impressed with Mummy's knitting speed over tea. Daddy is not surprised that Dominic can type at 97WPM, and that he can only manage 39. Daddy started a new exercise regime, in an attempt to reduce the excess pounds he has added over the extended festive period. Double straight leg lifts (+2 mins), press ups (+20), and plank (+2 mins) one after the other. Progress will be reported over the next month. Daddy has completed Wordle 54 days in a row. Body and mind work outs.

Week of February 7th 2022 - CNY in London

Daddy cleaned the house from top to bottom (mopping, shaking the carpets and dusting) and we all had pomelo leaf baths ahead of CNY. Mummy prepared the massive hotpot on New Year eve after going to Willows Shake on Bury St. to learn more about knitting. On New Year's day: the boys received their lai see, we greeted each other with Kung Hei etc, went for a walk in a Southerly direction, sprayed water around the house with pomelo leaves, and "lo" the vegetarian noodles at dinner. All pretty normal! Our trip to London started with Jeremy meeting us off the bus in Oxford, we arrived at Marble Arch and walked to busy Chinatown for dim sum with cousin Eddie. We checked in to the Ibis hotel (11th floor, but the rooms were not as nice as the previous visit). We napped and then travelled by Tube to Nine Elms for dinner at Eddie's apartment. Their black, abandoned, cat Mat was super domesticated. Hillary and Jeremy got on really well. The hotel rooms were a bit warm overnight. It was raining too hard for Mummy to meet Eve. We had to eat breakfast cereals with a fork. We got to Brick Lane in time for the sun. Dominic and Daddy charged batteries in Costa while Mummy shopped in Spitalfield. Jeremy ate spicy Carribean food with her and ended up with indigestion. Overall: 7/10. Chinese dinner at Grandma's was Michelin star spectacular, but Jeremy developed a rash after eating the chili prawns. There was a more serious medical emergency on East St. Helen (the police cordoned off the road) so Dominic couldn't return home from his walk. Mummy finished her slipover, and has worn it everyday since. She has started a new one, using her knitting bag that Grandma bought her.

Week of January 31st 2022 - CNY prep

Jeremy returned to lectures and found them terribly boring. Getting up at 7am to get to them on time didn't help. But classes were full, masks were worn, and long break times meant catching up with his classmates and chilling at various fast food joints. He ended up at an overnight party in Oxford and managed to pack the sleeping bag before returning home. Daddy has been furiously cleaning the house before Chinese New Year. He painted the skirting boards of the bathroom (because they needed freshening up) and re-grouted the bath and floor. Shaking the carpets outside with Dominic was surprising as the dust accumulation was high. We went into Oxford to buy new clothes and prepare for the CNY eve meal. At the supermarket we found some pomelo leaves which you put in your bath/shower before the holidays to wash away bad luck etc. After buying a massive pie from the craft market in town, Daddy was told to go to Finishing Touch to buy fake cherry blossoms for the pussy willow arrangement. Generally, Jeremy is in charge of putting up CNY decorations. He didn't knit the post box arrangement in the Market Place. However, he was as mystified as everyone else when Dominic discovered that the gold ingots that we have been using as CNY decoration, for at least 11 years, had chocolate inside. We will inspect how mouldy/decayed they are after CNY. Mummy went to Willows Shake to meet some like-minded knitters. She has finished the back of the slipover, and joined the shoulders. She had her hair dyed by Gemma at Forresters. She only had highlights, but she was persuaded to have a fringe. Jeremy says he will donate his 8 inch long hair to charity when he finally has his hair cut after CNY. Clearwater finally turned up and fixed the drain. They were very apologetic. Unfortunately, the high level alarm went off after they left, but, so far, drainage is good. Unlike County/Forest who both blew chances to get into their respective promotion battles.

Week of January 24th 2022 - Worries

Jeremy has lost his appetite because he is starting to worry about having to go back to university. He's concerned about COVID and whether he can get back into the swing of travelling to Wheatley again. He got a bunch of results back and he's still on target for a 2:1. We found out that his graduation ceremony will take place on 31st August. His worries haven't stopped him from gaming hard, with some D&D sessions lasting 10 hours and finishing well into the early morning. Dominic's been told he needs to go into work for a day next month so he can be filmed for some sort of promotional video. Good looking boy! Mummy is starting to prepare for Chinese New Year, which will include an overnight stay in London to meet her cousin Eddie for dinner. Her knitting (zik zik in Cantonese: like the sound of knitting needles) is coming along really well. She's finished the front of the slipover. The workmen from Clearwater turned up and emptied our stinky drain with a big truck and a long hose. They promised to fix the pump, but they didn't turn up. In the meantime, we are being very careful with our water consumption, because the high-level alarm sounded on Saturday. Daddy had to listen to the worst busker in the world in Bury Street. He could play his guitar, but he was trying to whisper sing very difficult pop songs with a heavy Spanish accent. Passersby were mostly stifle-giggling and rolling their eyes. Daddy photographed his 60th UK bird - a stonechat at Rye Farm.

Week of January 17th 2022 - Drains

Dominic started work again on the worst day of the year. Jeremy said farewell to Becky again. He didn't seem too sad probably because they had been spending a lot of time together sheltering from the cold at The Narrows and his bedroom. However, he is as paranoid as everyone in the house about the problems we are having with our drains. It started when Mummy flushed the toilet and the bath started gurgling. Daddy bought a (not very pretty) plunger and lots of drain unblocker, but the drains didn't clear, and in fact the gurgling got worse. After we had a bath we noticed that the drain outside in the yard was overflowing. It was clear that it was not the internal pipes that were blocked. Daddy called bored Nick at Breckon. He came back and disclosed that a company called Clearwater had performed a routine check of the estate's drains and discovered that the pump that removes our water was broken. Jacqueline placed an emergency order to fix it. On Friday evening, someone turned up, opened the drain and said it was full of water and a truck would come a drain it. It never came. In the meantime, we are wary about using water because everything gurgles when it goes down and the drain outside is overflowing. If it rains heavily, the house will flood. We continue to wait for Clearwater to clear the problem. Before this problem, the fire alarm engineers came and said our alarm was not connected. We had disconnected it during the last false alarm. Daddy reconnected it, and asked about having more fire marshals. Disappointingly, Penny from the annex has been joined by two others. Mummy and Daddy went to Oxford to get a new calendar from the Chinese supermarket. She ate a super hot Thai curry for lunch. While Daddy was waiting outside for her to decide, a random woman asked Daddy which was the best rice that the shop sells.  He said he had no idea, because he hates rice (too many bits). We bought flowers (pussy willow, narcissus and orchids) and turnips for Chinese New Year. Even though we didn't spend £100, the supermarket boss gave us a calendar. He was impressed with Daddy's (dor je lo ban) Chinese. Mummy won a prize from a OX Magazine competition. We suspect Mya may have had something to do with it. It's a £190 set of Penhaligon smellies. Mummy has decided to try a new hobby, now that she has mastered sourdough bread making: knitting. She's been bugging many people (Angela, Charlie etc) about how to start. And, after going to Masons (she says: all old English women are so nice!), she started following the instructions by King Cole to make a purple slipover, using James C Brett's sparkly wool. She eventually figured out how to make a 22sts square to check the tension and now she is knitting a double knit front with 2x2 ribs (what's that? - Ed) for the neck, arms and bottom. We are not sure why she and Dominic are laughing so much while she tries to figure out what to do, but she is praising herself a lot for getting so much done. Daddy burnt Nadia's  Mac n cheese which included marmite and cheese puffs. England crashed and burned in the Ashes.

Week of January 10th 2022 - Cake

Both boys were still on holiday through the week, with Jeremy going back to school later this month, and Dominic took time off so he could bake his own birthday cake. Mummy decided to rename his major effort, cripple cake because it sounds funnier than chocolate banana ripple cheesecake. We all suffered greedy burn while eating Grandma's amazing stilton soup delivery. Mummy made Chinese-style rainbow trout for the birthday dinner. She wished she had asked the fishmonger at Tesco to gut it. Mummy has been eating kuchishabishii style (Japanese for: when you're not hungry but you eat because your mouth is lonely) during the holiday period, but surprisingly, lost weight. Amazon will give a full refund for Jeremy's outsized laptop battery and have told us to keep it because it's too difficult to return. During Becky's recent visit to the house, Mummy praised Jeremy for carrying her shopping: "a boyfriend should always carry his girlfriends' things". She's training him hard. If you ask Mummy if it's alright to do something she will always reply: "It's a free country!" She's so naive! She keeps feeling pain in her right knee when she walks long distances. It is not arthritis. Daddy strained his side while sleeping funny and received no sympathy. Daddy woke up periodically during the night to keep tabs on England's heroic draw in the Ashes. Andy agrees Forest need a new roof for the City Ground after the noise generated when Grabban scored the winner against Arsenal destroyed the old one.

Week of January 3rd 2022 - Twixmas

We have all been struggling to keep track of space and time during the Twixmas period (as usual). Jeremy couldn't return his laptop battery, which turned out to be too big for his case, because of all the bank holidays we've had. It was just as well, because he went to the depot to mail it. Dim! The fact Christmas and New Year both fell on the weekend has confused us all. Chrimbo limbo has meant late nights and even later lie-ins all round. But Jeremy did get up in time to go to a barbecue with Becky and his friends in Abbey Meadows. It took them an hour to start the fire because of the breeze. In the end they had to go to a petrol station to buy fire starters (an interesting combination if ever). We prepared for the New Year countdown by eating party food from Tesco and drinking beer, wine and port, while watching infuriating Mary Poppins Returns. Daddy made strawberry proseccos for midnight which we missed by a minute because we were watching Holland's hootenanny via the internet. We just about got up in time to attend a Chinese lunch on Saturday at an empty Parasol, and then played mahjong all afternoon. We only played 23 hands in over three hours - which must be some sort of world slow hand MJ record. Grandma won the most hands. Daddy unfurled the faux foliage in the yard. It was so warm (15 C), he almost broke out in a sweat. It looks as fake good-looking as Daddy in his County shirt, as they beat those Hollywood types Wrexham 3-1.

Week of December 27th 2021 - Silly Xmas

Daddy had his hair cut by wheezy (recently recovered from symptomatic COVID) Adrian at Forresters, because Daddy's regular, Jess, had tested positive for COVID. Adrian asked if Daddy wanted an eyebrow trim! Afterwards, he went to buy baguettes at Co-op, only to find, on returning home, that they were mouldy. He returned but the shop was busy, so he replaced them without telling anyone. Mummy made hot-pot for cousin Pat Pat's 16-year old son, Nikki. He was sweating like a pig after the spicy noodles. He successfully cooked Daddy's pig's liver and bacon dinner. Daddy dressed the front door again with boughs and wreaths, with foliage stolen from the trees surrounding the local cricket pitch. Mummy had her booster at Avicenna on Stert, while we boys walked to Marcham Clinic the next day to have our Pfizers. Daddy was embarrassed that the Sikh chap at Spar acknowledged his existence as he left the clinic. Daddy was jabbed by a very young Dr. Jordan, who asked (among other things): do you play sport (no, I only watch), are you allergic to needles? (who isn't!), and did you drive here? (no, I walked from St Helen's Street). Daddy reckons he was practising his bedside manners. After surgery we went to McD's for lunch. Jeremy ate three burgers/wraps. Probably the first and last time Daddy will go there. Reactions to the boosters were varied: nothing for Daddy and Jeremy, but Mummy's arm swelled up and she had aches. Dominic had the shivers. Both had fatigue. The last of Dominic's six presents arrived on time. We tracked Norad's Santa through Christmas Eve, with Mummy annoyingly playing Christmas songs on loop. Dominic was surprised by his Team Rocket mug. He designed the logo and Daddy secretly ordered the printed mug online. Jeremy took responsibility for setting up for Santa's arrival with the minced pie, milk and carrot. He also consumed Santa's goodies before we retired for the night, and took an unnecessarily large bite of Rudolph's unwashed carrot. We opened lots of presents in the morning (Daddy's vintage County shirt is smart, Dominic got a cook book, a craft cutting board, a dust blower, and a black shirt). Jeremy got a new battery for his laptop, but was disappointed that he didn't get the chair he had been told he would be getting. He got a leather satchel. We went to Grandma's for the family Christmas lunch, and ate tons of gammon etc. Jeremy's theory that going to the toilet before eating increases your capacity to eat more was put to the test. Granddad told us that he didn't celebrate Christmas as we do now when he was a child in post-war Britain, with no turkey or tree. He would receive home-made presents made of wood, and oranges (which, when peeled, represents 12 bananas), and he also mentioned eating pomegranates. Grandma had goose and all the trimmings for Christmas when she was a child. Mummy flooded the bathroom, because she forgot the bath was running. Jeremy's room was badly affected. He slept through most of the mopping up exercise. Boxing Day lunch at Lorraine's involved silly quiz games. Daddy decided to spray deodorant on his armpit, and noticed that his armpit hair had disappeared. That observation was even sillier.

Week of December 20th 2021 - Why pay taxes

Jeremy was pinged by track and trace at 11pm on Sunday. He was not told to isolate or in fact to "do" anything. He may have passed someone on the street, because none of his friends have tested positive, and everyone at the Christmas carols at Lorraine's were clear. On our way to the carols, we were shocked to see that John Dawson's Christmas lights in the front of Twickenham House had been badly vandalised, with the wires cut into small pieces and strewn on the pavement. We noticed over a week ago that they were not working because they can be seen flashing through our bedroom windows. This means no one has swept the street all in that time. Prime suspects include: ourselves, those Saxton Road boys, and most of the houses across the street who have to put up with the flashing lights while he has gone home to Australia again (he did the same thing last year). Apparently, light pollution, rising electricity prices and climate change are not important issues for our resident Sir Les. The kindly NHS opened Marcham Road clinic for booster appointments - for one day. We could have booked a 7am slot, but it was too cold and early. In the end it was a good job we didn't go because the queues were enormous, with waiting times of over an hour. Daddy stood in the long queue at Boots, only for the staff to tell us that they had just given out the last lateral flow test. There were no tests in any of Abingdon's chemists/clinics on Saturday and they were all closed on Sunday. In the end we cadged from Lorraine, with Mummy managing to sneeze and laugh at the same time when testing herself. Not sure why we pay our taxes. All of the Christmas presents arrived from Amazon, with Mummy using a new method to wrap them. Daddy had to buy all nine meters of Mason's velvet ribbon in the process. Dominic had a hair cut at Dukes (pronounced Doots) while Mummy shopped in Oxford for more presents. It's official, Jeremy's hair is longer than his mother's. Daddy made minchi. The fire brigade turned up at 1am to turn the alarm off for the whole estate, because the fire marshal was no where to be found. Dominic is on holiday for a while. Forest/County both won 2-1. Forget the cricket!

Week of December 13th 2021 - Wide-boys 

Jeremy managed to hand in all of his course work on time, but thinks he's only passed some of it because the code wouldn't run properly. His mid-week two hour exam went well. Jeremy is not so smart though, because he's been using Daddy's toothbrush for the past two weeks. He went out with Becky before going to her brother's birthday party at her place. Mummy refuses to say what she got from the daily advent calendar - only saying it's chocolate. Mummy and Daddy left earlier than expected for London on Friday, just managing to register our negative flow tests. We walked to Covent Garden to see the disappointing fake snow, but we were given free polaroid photos. Lorraine bought the boy a very expensive mulled wine. Tea in a time-warp shop in Chinatown with a por por taking a shine to Daddy because he was speaking in broken Chinese. Three dan tart and a horrible coffee, paid for in cash. Mummy bought the usual foodstuffs. Back to the club carrying carpets for dinner. Arrived at Ibis (massive bed) hotel in West Brompton. Mummy may have twisted her knee. Rowdy pubs, so we had a late drink in a hotel lobby. Late 11am breakfast on Saturday, tube to Aldgate, walk down graffiti-strewn Brick Lane. Mummy is amazed, and wanted to eat all the food there. Spitalfields was crowded and interesting, but Mummy preferred to browse the shops rather than the stalls. She ate a hard boiled egg (which she took from the hotel breakfast) outside the Fruit Exchange. Tea at a European cake stall. Bought presents for Jeremy and others. Walked to tube in the drizzle. Mummy bought Turkish Delight while Daddy was preached to, in the rain while having a ciggie, by the local Imam. He said that Daddy was blessed/balanced because of his mixed race. Confirmed Gilbert and George and 11/11.5 were not home. We arrived late for dinner at the Imperial Treasure because the Chelsea match had just finished and the trains were packed with rowdy supporters singing songs about Jorginho's late pen. Eddie paid for the expensive duck and char siu. He reminded Daddy that we met at a pre-IPO meeting for Mirabell in 1997 (he was the auditor/Daddy was going to write a report supporting the listing for Nikko clients). Mummy thinks that St James's Park tube station looks like Gotham City and Lorraine's new Maserati would not look out of place there. 8/10 for our 20km walking  trip (knee, weather and we didn't see enough wide-boys).

Week of December 6th 2021 - Dual

Jeremy attended some classes during the week. But he had to abandon his Thursday D&D session due to an outbreak of COVID. Anyway, he's been so engrossed in his end of term coursework, that he has forsaken all outdoor activities. He didn't even attend Lorraine's Xmas tree dressing (we got a free bus ride in, and Daddy is now Max's "mate"). Dominic received mystery presents in the post while he was in London attending the company Christmas party. Only half of his team turned up, and, as the behaviour of his colleagues was getting out of hand, he bailed most of it. He did finish the annual hackathon, and seemed quite confident he will win. Daddy can confirm that Sterling Red are milder/smaller than his normal ciggies, but Dual taste slightly better. So, he will be asking for duty free Dual from now on. He won't have to buy another cigarette until Wednesday, 9th February, 2022 *cough*. Mummy is quite used to walking around with the Slendertone from Grandma, but, unrelated, she does need to remember to switch appliances on/off, and not to leave them/cooking unattended. Mummy is upset with diabolical Dabolly, who failed to send her everything she ordered. Daddy is still not ready to eat chicken yet. Mince pie flavoured digestives don't taste like they are supposed to, but they smell great. 

Week of November 29th 2021 - Charity

Jeremy is not going into classes as regularly as before (because of omicron), but had to go in on Wednesday to get his code assessed by two professors. He got 80%. Mummy had a three hour session at Forresters getting her hair cut (again) and permed. She thinks Gemma is a bit too old fashioned because she used lots of tiny rollers. Daddy went to donate a pair of Nike Air Max shoes, but the charity shop wasn't taking donations on that day. He found them because Mummy wanted to see all of her winter shoes in one place. We dressed our (tiny, fake) Christmas tree, with Jeremy doing his usual business with our 30-year old angel bear.  Very disappointed with the rancid chicken that Hedges gave us. Very disappointed that Andy the 'andyman attached an ugly steel blade to the bottom of the front door, to stop the rain coming in. Very disappointed that plumber Steve, could not fix our knocking pipes, despite sitting around for three hours draining the boiler to fix the broken balloon and replace a overflow pipe. Very happy that County stole three points from very charitable Dagenham - live on BT (PS. Daddy's vintage County shirt present arrived in time for Christmas). Very sad to see a young mother at Co-op picking up her groceries from the food bank counter because she had no money. We saw sleet. 

Week of November 22nd 2021 - Enter!

Everyone was stressed and blue on Wednesday because: Jeremy is struggling with his coursework (code template is not correct), Dominic was super busy, and Mummy's keyboard was stuck. We tried to relax by re-watching the Sunshine Boys - enter! Dominic returned from London and confirmed that he is better at shuffleboard than darts. Mathew et al know nothing about Agile. Daddy bought local pies from Monday market and discovered Hedges the butchers in town, and, after three visits we ate real chicken, thin real burgers and lamb stew. Keeping it local. County and Wednesday will not be playing each other any time soon.

Week of November 15th 2021 - Bus fall

Jeremy missed his bus into uni so he returned home unschooled. He almost missed it again the next day and was told off by the bus driver for hitting the closed bus door, but he was allowed on. He was kicked out of Clockwork Dragon, and was put in a storage room, because his D crew were making too much noise/hilarity. Dominic's cough eased sufficiently (after 33 days) for him to head back to London by £17 bus so he can monitor the progress of his pupil, Mathew. He strained his side, from coughing too much. Voltarol cured it. He received a background check letter for work, two years late, confirming that he is not a criminal. Mummy and Daddy went to Oxford by bus to celebrate Lorraine's birthday (without David because Claire is a little bit poorly - bless!). Daddy drank too many perfect Manhattans at Sandy's Bar and refused to eat anything at All Bar One. Mummy was also quite squiffy. On the way back, Daddy tripped over outside the Punchbowl, taking Mummy with him. Apparently, he got up and walked off, leaving Mummy stranded with two bruised knees. The boys helped him stagger the rest of the way home. We slept late and missed the Remembrance service in town. County bussed in a record crowd.  

Week of November 8th 2021 - Vegetables

Jeremy attended classes and partied a bit (last week's blues were somewhat lifted). He is impressed that the bouncers at The Narrows have buckets of water on hand to clear up the mess left by their worse-for-wear patrons. Mummy used a lot of water to cook a ton of vegetables for Charlie's late birthday hotpot. She innovated again with her tofu/mushroom balls. We all may have unnecessarily lost some weight, as we went meatless twice during the week. Mummy and Daddy traveled on a cold, windy but bright afternoon to nondescript Didcot for her NHS mammogram appointment. We arrived late because we had to walk a while, but she just managed to get in to the trailer, which was behind a red-brick civic center in the middle of nowhere, before the next appointments arrived. Her white bit is now very tiny, according to nurse Debbie (who's Irish parents honeymooned in Hong Kong). Dominic's cough persisted, but at least email is in alpha. The real estate agents inspected the house and promised many things (leaks, fob, door etc). We wait with abated sighs. Christmas lights are up in town. Light and fireworks show at Nags. County unnecessary replay, England lose Roy/match at T20, Hamilton 2nd, but... Forest won.

Week of November 1st 2021 - Scary health

Jeremy suffered with his mental health over the week as he fretted over recommendations from his tutor about the amount of time he needs to research his dissertation. He has to log 10 hours of effort a week. He is also very wary of going in for lectures as only half his class is bothering to turn up. As the effectiveness of the COVID vaccine is diminishing, most of his classmates are skipping lessons either because they are ill or they don't want to sit in a crowded lecture hall for fear of catching the dreaded Rona. Dominic's cough persisted. Strong winds overnight stripped the garden's trees of their leaves as winter arrived in full force. A fallen tree was responsible for a brief power cut for most of petrified Abingdon - with no harm done. Dominic's catkin confirmed his spooky Halloween carving skills. Daddy's corned beef and cabbage meal brought back memories. Late goals brought relief for Forest/County. Andy asked if Daddy wanted to play 5-a-side football. After answering yes, Andy was disbelieving - and anyway "they" had found someone (squirm!).

Week of October 25th 2021 - Medical

Jeremy was off school for consolidation week (no lectures, just revision). He finished with his sniffles so he was back to D&Ding etc.  He was slightly disappointed with the 67% mark for his dissertation preparation paper (grade deflation has come into effect). Dominic's cough persisted, but the severity of it continues to subside. He made failed coconut flour cookies, cupcakes, and a lemon drizzle cake to take his mind off it. Mummy had her hair cut by Gemma at Forresters. She had to stand up to have the three inches removed and the fringe repaired.  They refused to perm her hair because she still has dye on it. They fed her a story that the expensive shampoo they sold her is better than Pantene. The NHS wrote to her twice to say her smear test was negative, but now she has to have a mammogram in November in Didcot. Daddy's swollen eye lid came and went in quick time. Daddy had a dream about a railway station, Chris Patten, and writing questions with water on the ground. Forest lost, so Granddad can finally open his birthday present.

Week of October 18th 2021 - Stress all round

Jeremy returned to school, but was uncomfortable in the half-empty lecture halls. He was also fretting through most of the week ahead of the first deadline for his third year dissertation. He will eventually complete an 10k-word essay on machine learning, AI and semantics. Dominic's cough persisted through the week, so he was under double pressure when his launch didn't go as smooth as normal. He's been eating steamed salted oranges to cure the cough, with some success, as it abated slightly over the week. Mummy's frustrated at work due to inefficiencies at HQ - particularly accounting. Daddy breezed through the week trying to stroke frayed nerves. Mummy flew through her smear test, which was completed in 10 minutes. Nurse Debbie is married to ex-RAF, and was stationed at Shek Kong. Gemma cut a lock of Mummy's hair, so she can test it, ahead of her perm at Forresters. We've been drinking lots of cheap port and watching Gogglebox in an attempt to relax. Millie seemed quite laid back about her new nose ring, which was the main topic of conversation at Sunday lunch. Forest can't stop not losing.

Week of October 11th 2021 - Cough in London

Jeremy had to skip his lessons this week, because of a persistent cough. His university asked him to take a PCR test before returning to class - he did, it came back negative. Unfortunately, Dominic is now coughing too after returning from junkyard golf/mentoring session in London with his team. No amount of congee, honey/lemon or aromatherapy is going to shift it. Daddy tried plying him with alcohol (port with pate on crackers), which relaxed his passageways, but produced only temporary relief. Mummy took advantage of a ride into London with Lorraine to meet with Shirley, Manin and Cousin Eddie over the weekend. She booked two nights at cheapo Hotel Oliver in Kensington and set off on Friday afternoon. She safely navigated her way to Wimbledon via the Tube and had Thai food with Shirley. They talked for five hours. On returning to Earl's Court at 11pm, she took the exit to Warwick Road, and walked in the wrong direction to her hotel. Daddy had to guide her there. The hotel room was noisy and dirty - and there was no hot water. She slept on the top of the bed. Pay peanuts...get monkeys. The next morning she had a Costa breakfast and walked to the V&A, when a Southern European man (she is not able to describe him because all gweilos look the same) stopped and offered to show her where to go. He told her she was beautiful and offered to drive her there. He wrote down his name (Jose M) and phone number and said he was a hairdresser. She declined the lift, but was delighted to be complimented on her radiant beauty. She spent five hours with Manin, before meeting Eddie in Chinatown for a disappointing meal. We had met Eddie and Anita at the Ashmolean earlier in the week for a disappointingly expensive Udon noodles lunch there. Sunday was disrupted by a mass run and an attack by photogenic hungry squirrels. Daddy photographed the Woman's Tour as it sped through town. He also snapped Mummy and Grandma whizzing around a merry-go-round at the Michaelmas Fair. Daddy posted baby clothes to Macau (it cost the same as the contents). Mummy's National Insurance number arrived in the post - no need for an interview. Although that was a surprise, it was nothing compared to the time Mummy rushed out of the kitchen to tell Daddy that our steam iron was on fire (that's steam? no its smoke!).

Week of October 4th 2021 - Money saving

Jeremy finally had the lenses of his glasses upgraded, but refused to pay £40 for a eye examination for contact lenses. He returned home from an overnight house party with freshers flu (99.8 degrees - a Panadol cured it). Learning how to salsa, and drinking Jaegerbombs was not the cause. Sleeping on the floor of student digs in Headington, probably was. With 20/20 vision he should not have gone. He discussed his final year dissertation with his tutor, and is quite clear-eyed about what he wants to write about. Dominic (his in-house tutor) was asked for proof of his age when buying wine for dinner. He is old enough to return to Hotel Z again, because he will be mentoring a youngster called Mathew next week. Jeremy was playing D&D in Clockwork Dragon when a pizza guy came in and asked for a blanket for the passed out drunk on the pavement. The police turned up, but the guys just kept on rolling those pearly dice. Mummy experienced the quickest dental appointment of all time at Taha. Dr. Thomas replaced the filling pronto, but refused to do a routine examination until she coughed up another £72. The £72 fee we had already paid was the cost of an emergency appointment only. We had loads of fun playing with Feathers our new interactive diffuser (ambient music and soothing lights that cycle). The name of the girl in the Thai shop is Talanna. We walked to Tesco to use our Clubcard for the first time. We saved £2.40 (5%). Daddy reluctantly went to the post office to mail a portable steam iron to Anson, but he had left his card at home. In his rush to get it, he left his phone in the shopping basket. When he returned, he saw one of the Co-op boys walking to the store room holding his phone. He reclaimed it, paid the £3 postage and returned home relieved. He is happy that Mummy is not really in to Luther Vandross, after she watched a tribute concert in Oxford. She and Lorraine wiggle danced a bit, quite close to the stage. Jeremy says he can sing and read at the same time, but he's not quick enough to catch the bus in the morning.

Week of September 27th 2021 - Snarled

Jeremy had to suffer with most of the country as traffic going into Brookes was snarled up because of the petrol shortage and roadworks. He made it to his interesting lectures on time, but the waits were long and tiring. Lorraine mentioned during her 5pm appearance on Sky News outside our local death-trap BP station that the transport industry is in a quandary. More like a quarry. Dominic had less trouble getting in and out of London at nighttime for another meeting at HQ. He stayed in a newish hotel (called Z) on Old Street. He ate posh food and stumbled across our very first Banksy up-close. Mummy finally has a dentist appointment next week to replace a filling that fell out, and an appointment with Mellony at Abingdon Surgery for a free smear test. She likes the NHS (even though she's paying for it's services). Jeremy has finally visited an optician to get the lenses of his glasses changed. Mummy is getting very motherly over Caroline's Anson. She sent her bed sheets and wooden spoons (because these are things that students need). We had workmen come round all week fixing squeaky/broken door handles and the drippy boiler.  We sat in the sun for probably the last time this year (discussing Gilgemesh and quarreling squirrels). But we had share blankets as we sat in the cold at Lorraine's for dinner. Daddy confirmed that toe nails make people squirm and the blood finger symbol is a joke.

Week of September 20th 2021 - Next week

Jeremy spent some surprise time with Becky, who returned home because her tendinitis in her drawing wrist was playing up and she had to have her second COVID jab. Her reaction to the latter was quite severe. Jeremy will use his newly arrived rucksack to attend classes next week. Dominic would like to take his new slippers to jam-packed London, when he goes in next week. We have named the new Wifi-enabled dehumidifier Dee Dee (all smart electrical appliances in our house are named). Daddy thinks he has the Run DMC look smashed with his new bucket hat. Mummy, of course, looks better in it (check this out!). Mummy is about to change her mobile number provider to Three, next week. She sorted it out during a (poor) Thai dinner in Oxford with Lorraine. Daddy's left big toe nail finally fell off. He had been nursing it since Cornwall (May), waiting for the nail to grow back underneath it. Jeremy was keen to look at it, but Mummy and Dominic were squeamish. Daddy signed another extension to our rental agreement - for another year. His weight fell to the lowest (156lb) since he starting monitoring his vitals with the scales app. County and Forest both won, but can they do it again next week?

Week of September 13th 2021 - Not sure, arm sore

Jeremy had his 2nd COVID injection (Moderna) and seemed to be suffering no side-effects. However, while playing D&D he suddenly developed a 101.7 F temperature, and had difficulty eating his hamburger and beer while watching ENG/POL footie match. A Panadol sorted it. His arm ached for a few days afterwards. Mummy went immediately into rice cooking mode - making lots of frozen pea congee, and making Jeremy drink vitamin c drinks (that looked like (vitamin) pee). She's not sure if chicken nugget congee is a thing - but it tasted great. Mummy wants the boys to eat raw peppers like they are apples. They are not sure about this. Not sure why, but an old man stopped Mummy and Daddy in the street to tell us his cooker had broken down and he had to buy a take-away from Parasol.  Lucky him! Jeremy confirmed he starts face-to-face lectures again on September 20th, with favourable start times of 1pm and 11am. Mummy visited the Little Tea Room's closing down sale and returned with lots of useless crockery. We had a picnic by the river and watched granddad's old regiment from Dalton Barracks try their hand at dragon boat racing. Mummy's laughed a lot at some Gogglebox nonsense, while Daddy was impressed by Emma at the US Open. Grandma fed us twice ahead of another trip to Portugal.

Week of September 6th 2021 - King's and Queens

Queen Becky has officially complained to Jeremy that he is not paying enough attention to her. High maintenance indeed. He's paying a lot of attention to everyone else in his circle, as they start to slowly trickle back to universities around the country. He almost travelled to Stoke with Philip, but he didn't fancy the six hour journey. Instead, he walked 33km with his friends in the past two weeks. He forgot the succulent happy Rosie gave him to look after. Dominic travelled to London for an off-site. He stayed in a clean AirBnB hotel in Kings Cross, but felt uncomfortable at his WeWork. He returned home bushwhacked on Wednesday evening. As Jeremy was out saying his goodbyes, Mummy and Daddy had some quality time together - eating burgers at the King's Head. We boys returned on Friday (because The Anchor doesn't serve food anymore and Mummy was eating sushi and swigging hot sake in Oxford). DVLA returned Daddy's cheque because it didn't specify he was paying them in pounds sterling. Mummy says they were very nice to give her the licence even though we hadn't paid for it (inefficient more like - ed). Daddy went to the shops and came home and started eating dinner and suddenly noticed that there was some dried blood smeared on the bridge of his nose. He had cut himself and no one had noticed or said anything. He could lose an arm and on one would care! Daddy lost 0.6lbs (of liquid)  during the week, because he forgot to drink enough water. It's been too cold. SSE are proving difficult again, having raised our direct debit by 25% - only to lower it to where it should be - because Daddy was upset. 

Week of August 30th 2021 - Licence reaction

Jeremy walked 20k steps (9.2 miles) to the deer farm in Sunningwell. Mummy is not impressed that gweilo's still like to eat Bambi (and 'lil rabbits). She had her second COVID jab, with a similar reaction to Dominic - high temperature (99.4F), and aches and pains. Panadol sort it. However, the circular rash on her arm was more severe, measuring 6cm. She received her driving licence from Wales: much earlier than expected. She is very happy with the photo (which is the first thing she commented on). She can now drive a car, a minibus and a moped for the next 10 years (although Jeremy reckons she won't last a year with the way she drives). The guys at the fish and chip shop called Daddy "boss" and wondered if he had been to China! It's gotten so cold, 20%-empty-shelves Co-op has its heating on. Forest/County drew, but England thumped India. Andy changed his mind about coming over, but promised to do so next week. Daddy gained 1.4lbs in weight, but lost body fat, and gained muscle. Go figure!

Week of August 23rd 2021 - Bopped sunflowers

Jeremy has been conducting all-night benders with some Polish D&Ders. He's been going to bed at 5am, and waking everyone up in the process with his loud bathroom activities. He didn't walk with us to see the massive field of sunflowers at High Grove Farm, so he missed the drizzle and the prickly straw bales. DVLA returned Mummy's BRP and said it will send her driving licence in two week's time. She's been thinking about which little car she can use to terrorize the locals with (Morris Minor?). She went to watch our local Morris Dancers at the Punchbowl, and got bopped on the head with a balloon by a scary old dancer (pre-retribution). We walked to Radley for tea via Daisy Bank again. Dominic is very excited about the arrival of our Robit robot vacuum cleaner, which we have named mui mui. It's was a good job Daddy didn't go to Lord's to watch England's humiliation. Just as well, because his left big toe nail is hanging on by a thread, and is ready to fall off. The new girl at Sami's called Daddy a "customer" as they attempt to improve their eating experience so they can pay their fire regulation fine. Daddy plans to volunteer to be a fire marshal for Twickenham House after he discovered that a woman who lives approximately in the annex has the key to switch off the faulty fire alarm. Daddy discovered that even if he doesn't plank, he can still lose (0.4lb) weight (by walking instead?). We also discovered on Facebook that punk John's surname might be Red, and that he has moved his boat and he doesn't have a mobile. County top, Forest bottom.

Week of August 16th 2021 - Yellow swing

Jeremy doesn't seem too upset about Becky returning to university early. He has Philip et al to keep him busy, as he ramps up his D&D to new levels. Daddy has decided to give up planking every day, because his weight only fell by 0.1lb during the week - despite holding his pose for over 5 minutes. Walking would be a better form of exercise, if the weather improves. Daddy finally persuaded Mummy to walk in the woods to play on the secret swing. She was little uncertain getting on it, but managed to move slowly back and forth. Mummy says she is sure she will start supporting Norwich City football club: because she likes the colour of their t shirts! When Daddy explained about mustard and Delia, she became even more convinced. She's not sure if Daddy did a good job dyeing her hair - only time will tell. She has returned to listening to a two-hour Saturday afternoon podcast, this time learning about nondualism or "one without a second"! 

Week of August 9th 2021 - Hot jab

As is the case every year, Daddy had another birthday. He received a Pokemon card and jelly beans, and celebrated with a stale, ultra-sickly, Mario cake. Daddy is in fact six, not 61. Daddy gave Mummy her anniversary card, the one she found abandoned in a cupboard a month ago. The one he bought for her recently will have to wait til next year. Her kung fu shoes (anni present) from Australia arrived. She can't wear them outdoors. Dominic had his second Astra jab, but woke up the next morning naked and running a 100 degree temperature. Some Panadol cleared it up, but he had to take a day off work. Sweaty Daddy completed a week of four minute planking and: lost 2.2lbs, reduced his visceral fat, increased his muscle mass, reduced his BMI and, because he drank a glass of water every day, increased his hydration. Jeremy should be lighter too, after spending a wet day with Becky, and walked 9 miles to a motorcycling event in Culham with happy Rosie. He was upset that McDs didn't pack his McSpicy in our order, but the refund was generous. The sunflower appeared! Rent has been increased another 2%.

Week of August 2nd 2021 - Wordy larping

Jeremy dressed up (in a shirt and waistcoat that Becky bought for him at a local charity shop) as a snake-loving D&D character. He walked around town with six other brave larpers. They hardly turned a head at McDs, but when a squiffy Becky applied eyeliner while they were acting out on the lawn, Mummy went all soppy for a mui mui. Mummy has been annoying Daddy with her word switching, eg: pans and pots, darkest, deepest secrets, and pieces and bits. Daddy started planking again after the scales app revealed he had put on some weight (159lbs), has more visceral fat than Mummy, and is dehydrated. Dominic passed 130lbs by 1lb, while Jeremy is still 123lbs. Dominic had a bad fit of itchy eyes one night. Allergy pills cured it. As Mummy is working and has less time or energy to cook, we have been treated to ready-made meals from Co-op for dinner. Daddy was disturbed to encounter a young, mentally-unstable, chap at the Co-op repeating a phrase about being older than he looks. Clearly needs to be looked after. Passed 250k on Wordpress site.

Week of July 26th 2021 - No ping fireball

Jeremy confirmed that his best bud Philip has to isolate for 10 days because he came in contact with another of his friends, called Dylan, who lives on E. St Helen and has tested positive for COVID. He has symptoms: including a loss of taste. Jeremy immediately deleted the test and trace app. The pingdemic has completely put him off going out - although he does venture out to see Becky still. Going to the crowded Clockwork Dragon for the first time since the pandemic started was risky. There was no risk of damage from the fireball that Daddy saw streak across the sky on Wednesday at 21.45pm. He reported it to UK Meteor Watch and wasn't surprised to see that many other people had seen it too. Mummy's sourdough starter passed its first birthday by bubbling up another offering. Mummy cut Dominic's hair again - with further improvements in her method - but his head looks a bit like a loaf. Dominic baked cupcakes with some left-over glace cherries (they were better than Daddy's super garlicy ajo blanco) and completed another paper cutout card - with a diablo wax seal - this time of a deer. Asking him to say the word for brown in Spanish makes him giggle a lot (try it!). Daddy said "me too!" to punk John as he spoke to Daddy as he walked past him in Co-op. Daddy was shocked that a 300lb man in Co-op said he was practicing sword fighting as a side-project from his usual writing. Heavy larping comes to mind. Daddy gave permission for a BBC correspondent, Grieg Watson, to use his photo of Trent Bridge for an article about Trent Bridge. COYP. 

Week of July 18th 2021 - WFH heat

Mummy officially started working for Prestigious again. Lots of catching up to do, but working from home and talking on the phone for her is simple enough. We managed to find everything we needed to change Mummy's driving licence for a UK one, but sending her ERP to Swansea is a bit of a risk. Grandma received her online-purchased flowers and rhubarb gin hamper for her birthday (just). Mummy insisted on buying, online, some more summer shoes - from Australia! Daddy drew a red rose for her, with chalk, in the yard - only for two tiny poppies to magically appear overnight in the sunflower pot. They are +5ft tall now, and the tomatoes are finally about the flower. Summer arrived. Dominic made an even better uneven chocolate finger orange cheesecake. Daddy swam in Grandparent's pool, while others watched, at a lunch in Radley, on Freedom Day eve. We are barely suffering from the mini-heatwave, as our rabbit hutch is well insulated against such things. Dominic is very concerned about the well-being of two little rabbits he discovered in bushes near the footpath across the bridge. They are too close to pet walking Spaniels and their like. Young lads jumping off Abingdon bridge became a local spectator sport. Advice: Don't wave back at someone you can't see or don't recognize.

Week of July 12th 2021 - Circular disappointment

Day-by-day breakdown required: Monday: Mummy's 56th birthday. She insisted on visiting the Ashmolean - after tea at the Nosebag. On the X3 into town, there was a medical emergency involving an old woman called Maria who had fainted under our seats. We think she may have been drunk. Daddy volunteered to direct the ambulance to the bus. Tuesday: Jeremy had his Moderna vaccination at Avicenna. No side-effects, although Mummy's circular rash on her arm won't go away. Wednesday: England beat Denmark to end 55 years of semi-final disappointment. Daddy's deadpan pleas to "pass the ball" at the end of extra time has become a household meme. Thursday: Dominic took the day off - just because he can. His company has an "unlimited amount of days off a year policy". Friday: We spotted punk John (and he saw us) in Abbey Meadows as we walked to Waitrose, he's turned amber. Saturday: Daddy had a seriously short haircut. Mummy has not stopped laughing since (something about a convict). There is a small circular bald patch near the nape of Daddy's neck, as stylist Jess got careless/overexcited with the clippers. Mummy has been so busy (not cutting our hair), she decided to write a poem for a competition: *Ahem!* Bee, bee, where might you be? Looking for the miracle tree? (not bad for a first try!) Sunday: England lost to Italy on penalties to extend 55 years of disappointment. As an England and Notts County supporter, football-related disappointment comes naturally. But if the Poles that play on our lawn keep kicking their football into our yard, I may have to confiscate it. So there!

Week of July 5th 2021 - Jab hurt

Mummy finally had her Moderna COVID vaccination at the Avicenna Pharmacy on Stert Street. Brenda was a little too rough with the needle, and drew blood. Mummy's right arm was uncomfortable for a few days. Jeremy is dreading his next. To celebrate her jab Mummy decided to make Sangria (not knowing that it means blood). We walked to Tesco with 2lbs of coins to exchange them for notes. The teller then gave Daddy more coins (83p worth)! We walked over a mile in the store changing minds and trying to spend the notes. In the end we went way over budget - by a factor of 3. Jeremy and Daddy both met the same chatty, autistic person, but in different parts of town. He was cadging pounds, so he could catch a bus to Didcot, so he can attend a 7pm meeting arranged by the church - for his gambling addiction. Dominic made Mummy's no-bake birthday cheesecake cake ahead of the big day, while Daddy waited patiently for her colourful present to arrive. England beat Germany and Ukraine - Daddy patiently watched. We learned that Ayden tested positive (PCR) again, so he won't be flying home any time soon. 

Week of June 28th 2021 - Ayden leaves positive

A week of isolation was completed on Sunday morning when Ayden climbed back into a taxi at 8am and returned to Oundle. How he managed to sit in the kitchen for a whole week playing online with his friends was a major feat of stamina and will power. We continued the routine of eating dinner in the kitchen while he ate alone in the sitting room (which was the only time he left the kitchen during the day). There were only two major incidents of note: he seemed to get into an argument with someone online, and after accusing someone of racism, he seriously cursed whoever it was, and burst into tears. The other involved his defiant stare back at Daddy when he was asking him to be quieter while he was playing. He also asked Daddy to guess whether he was attending classes online or not. Daddy saw a DHL van at the end of East St Helen Street. He had to run down Lombard Street in the rain and cut him off in front of Co-op. He was delivering Ayden's wallet which he had left behind at school. His parents sent us a fancy food hamper as thanks for looking after Ayden, although they only mentioned that their family was going through a difficult time, not ours! Our fresh food ran out on Wednesday, so we survived on calling on take-aways for the rest of the week (ASK, McDs and pizza). We all tested negative after he left and we dutifully reported the results to the NHS (Mummy now has an NHS number). Test and Trace did check up on us, because they called asking if Jeremy wanted to participate in a survey. We celebrated Freedom Day with a massive, two-hour, tapas night. Jeremy's second year results were finally delivered. His GPA is 3.92, which is still a first at 78.4%. We now know that John Dawson doesn't wear anything on his feet in the house, and on the street.

Week of June 21st 2021 - Ayden arrives positive

Disaster! On Monday, 13-year old Ayden Chan, the son of Mummy's ex-colleague at Organic Pharmacy, arrived by taxi from Oundle School near Peterborough. His mother insisted that he leave school following an outbreak of COVID there. He was supposed to fly back to Macau on the 18th, but that date was changed to the 22nd. He tested negative for COVID before he left school, and also on Tuesday when Daddy tested him. But at 4pm on Wednesday, he tested positive on a lateral flow test (the second line was very faint). We panicked but we all tested negative. Daddy requested a PCR test from Emma at 119, which on Sunday confirmed his positive. Mummy has been stressed out because she agreed to take him in, while his mother has been frantic. Daddy has been totally stressed by Ayden's lack of: manners, respect, and hygiene. The first thing he said to us on his arrival was that he hates his form teacher because she is too strict. His parents sent him to boarding school because they could not control him. He has serious behavioural issues (particularly the use of the F word). He has been isolating in the kitchen (gaming very loudly) during the day and sleeping in the sitting room. He has no symptoms. The boys are staying in their rooms all day, except at dinner (Ayden eats alone in the sitting room - he's very small in stature and doesn't seem to like eating anything that Mummy makes for him). Marina of test and trace confirmed that we must isolate until the 26th (even if he tests negative). We were told later by Ayden's guardian Vicki that he was told by someone at school to isolate for 10 days because he had been in contact with positive COVID cases at school. Why Oundle let him leave is something test and trace are going to investigate. Obviously, isolating has meant we have not been able to enjoy the freezing cold and wet weather. But, pre-positive, we walked to Radley via Daisy Bank for a warm swim, Daddy was greeted by punk John when he posted the PCR test, while Jeremy says that ex-PC John doesn't need to go to university because of his experience and lessons learned as a policeman. Daddy received a zoom lens for his camera and a pair of sexy swimming trucks from his boys for Father's Day. No card or cake (which we will have to eat until next Sunday).

Week of June 14th 2021 - BRP arrived

The BRP arrived at 8am on Monday via courier, with a nervous Mummy insisting that Daddy had brought the wrong passport. Daddy immediately went to work, applying for NHS and national insurance numbers for her. One the same day he also: cleaned the house from top to bottom, shopped, took out the rubbish, emptied the dishwasher, did the laundry, and walked to Abbey Meadows with Mummy. After recording the partial eclipse, he went to pick up a tiny proofing basket - the picture on Amazon made it look much bigger. On a walk by the Thames some boys were diving into the river, and one of them dedicated his dive, from a high pole, to Mummy and Daddy. He flopped, unlike Daddy's Biscoff surprise, which went down really well. Dominic had a similar, but larger, reaction to his COVID jab to Daddy, with a large red, itchy, blotch, squiggle on his right arm. Daddy's manhood was restored as he kicked a football correctly and said a manly hello to John D. Punk John complimented Becky on her outlandish appearance - Jeremy was not present at the time. Mummy's upset that her Bamboo outfit is a bit too snug - even though it's a size 10. She was also disappointed with Lidl. But the German night at Lorraine's was amusant. County lost to Torquay (nicht lustig). Mummy's been talking about someone staying for a while.

Week of June 7th 2021 - BN(O) approved

Mummy received an email notifying her that her BN(O) visa application was successful. We'll wait now for the Biometric Residence Permit (BRP) to arrive. We headed over to Grandparents for a celebration curry dinner and laughed a lot about toilet rolls ahead of next week's solar eclipse. Before that, Daddy had a pantomime afternoon with his parents in Oxford's Westgate. Grandma gave a Waitrose receipt for a John Lewis return, Daddy was told that SIM Replacement, means what is says (and the pay as you go SIM that he inserted in his iPhone was a gift from Three), a parking ticket went missing, although a few old one's turned up from Grandma's bag, Daddy and Granddad had to talk to a machine about how to get out. In the end, Grandparents decided not to go to Portugal because it was deemed dangerous. Red-head mohican John saluted Granddad for some reason. Daddy's iPhone SE works wonderfully, finally. Mummy decided we should walk to Culham for a picnic in the secret wooded place, despite Daddy's poorly big toe. Mummy slightly regrets making fruit punch for the occasion as the cheap bottle of lemonade from Spa blew up, soaking her and most of the kitchen. On the bank holiday Mummy shaved half of Dominic's hair off in a matter of seconds - Jeremy's response: "what have you done!" The people at Malthouse,where Dominic had his first COVID jab, (Pfizer) didn't seem to notice. They may have wondered why he wanted it in his right arm, but he couldn't sleep on it for a few days. We had an expensive McDs for the first time in years to soothe his pain. County beat Chesterfield in 1/4 finals on the BT telly box. Daddy had a dream about a Pokemon, insulin injections, the bombing of Iraq, and a late taxi/bus ride to an airport. We lit a candle for June 4 - because we can.

Week of May 31st 2021 - Tricky

Jeremy met up with Becky after her latest uncomplicated one bob hair cut. Mummy has a new trick: whenever Daddy is concentrating on something she will play a recording of her saying: Steven! Scares the bejeebers out of Daddy every time. Dominic booked his COVID jab. Daddy finally knows why he couldn't book his appointments online. When he went for his second shot at Malthouse the boys at reception pointed out that their records show Daddy was born on the 3rd instead of the 5th. He asked Abingdon Surgery to correct the error, and all is well. Mummy arrived home triumphantly with new light bulbs, only to discover they were bayonet. Because of the huge variety of the same thing (LED, screw, 60W, soft white), do women have difficulty buying light bulbs? Daddy's nano SIM for his newish phone arrived, but... We binge watched Mare of Easttown, and had another mini BBQ. Dominic is worried Angela might start talking like that. Jeremy has sustained his weight over 120lbs for the past week. Daddy's toenail feels like its about to fall off. It survived a walk to the grandparents to say tchau before they fly to Portugal.

Week of May 24th 2021 - Cornish speed jaB

Jeremy's first week of the summer was a wash out with hail still falling. He did get to meet up with Philip, and Becky returns next week. But he says he will only venture indoors when everyone is jabbed up. Daddy called Abingdon Surgery to ask about when he is due his 2nd COVD jab -  it's been 9 weeks since his first. The woman at reception, who did not ask for any contact information, indicated that there is a shortage and that Daddy would have wait another 2-3 weeks. The next day another person from the surgery called and asked Daddy to have a jab on Saturday. As we were in Cornwall, the date was fixed for next week. Our fourth time travelling to High Church Farm was affected by stormy weather (there and back). But the in-between day was fine. We walked 10km in a convoluted loop to Helland (backagain) Bridge via the Camel Trail (we only had to ask for directions twice). Mummy had to go in a bush for the first time in her life. She also climbed over a fence with barbed wire and prickly bushes. We met Neil's Uncle Colin and walked around sunny Daymer Bay, avoiding the golf balls. Although we walked slowly for the 15km for the whole day, Mummy somehow produce an amazing turn of speed playing vodka-fueled snap in the evening. The BBQ was alright, with Murphy the dog paying a lot of attention to the (non-sheep) meat, and her herding ball. Daddy damaged his left big toe somewhere. Jeremy converted last week's scratch card winnings and used to some to buy a bottle of squash and some tomato sauce. We binge watched the BBC TV programme Capture (aka "that doesn't make sense"). Local church bells rang for the first time in a while (completing the three Bs of noisy Abingdon (bells, bikes, and bands)).

Week of May 17th 2021 - Twenty one

Jeremy finished his year-end exams comfortably. The maths was tough (he couldn't build a Turing Machine) but databases was easy. He's officially on his Summer holidays, but refuses to go out (due to the lack of warmth - there's hailstones falling and its thundering as I type this). All his presents, ahead of his 21st birthday, arrived on time. He got a refurbished Galaxy S50 (Daddy will take over his iPhone SE), a bottle of retro sweets (from Lorraine), some strong Polo aftershave (from grandparents) and £21 in a card from David (the one pound coin threw him for a bit).  Mummy's dangerous, calorie-packed, rainbow cakes were a triumph, although there was a crisis with the icing sugar. Jeremy also received 21 scratch cards from Lorraine, and, co-incidently, won £21 at the weekend family gathering. Mummy made a Thai curry and failed to digest the lime leaves. Daddy had a hamlette (lots of nearly out of date ham, with some egg). We finished watching Queen's gambit - we are now empty in the evenings. But at least Daddy won't have to pick up popcorn from the floor anymore!

Week of May 10th 2021 - Fire and hailstone

Daddy thinking to increase our fire insurance coverage intensified when Mummy burnt some toast and set off the fire alarms. We could have used the massive hailstorm to extinguish the fire. Daddy burned his left hand while making an all day breakfast. Dominic had breakfast with Yoda on May the Fourth. Finished The Crown: started Queen's Gambit (check). Jeremy admitted that he plays online chess and lost when Philip used the Scholar's Mate move. Mummy dreamed about The Queen and her sister, and also about a camper van full of people, driven by Daddy! We three boys voted at the local elections (despite the lack of instructions from the officials at the station - pencils, ballot box etc). We learned that PC John is not an ex-PC, and that he is only taking a year off - for life experience and because the hours are horrid. Mummy didn't realize that Dominic had hand-painted the sheep on her second Mother's Day card of the year. Dominic triumphantly fixed a CORS error on Instagram, only for the bug to be fixed the next day.

Week of May 3rd 2021 - Snip snip

Jeremy has no more lectures to attend, so he's spent his whole time completing his web site and linking it to a server. Mummy continued her walking mania with another visit to the railway bridge, and a walk to Culham Lock with (thinner) Andrew, Diane and Pip the dog. Mummy's become quite confident about cutting hair: Daddy complemented her on the shape of her hair, only for her to proudly announce that she had cut it herself. She then proceeded to cut Daddy's hair - in between massive bouts of laughter, as she refused to following instructions and started lopping off big chunks willy-nilly. She subsequently nipped Daddy's ear with the scissors - possibly on purpose. In the end, after Daddy dyed it, his hair is looking quite good. Mummy, as a result, has been staring at Daddy admiringly - which is not something she usually does. Dominic drew a cute cartoon for Angela's birthday card. He finished converting the tapes into digital and admits 1) he sounded funny at 11-14 2) Jeremy was very noisy and 3) J was quite cute. Claire was surprised by the photo/canvas Daddy sent her, even though he told her it's on its way. Granddad told a naughty story about a scout, his doodle and some milk. The COVID Task Force confirmed by email that Mummy can't get a jab until her visa is approved (apparently the Hippocratic Oath means nothing).

Week of April 26th 2021 - Walkies virus

Jeremy is ploughing through his last papers (journal, job application, SQL and web page design) before his end of year exams, which will take place before the government says university students can safely return to the classroom. Mummy has turned into a walking freak because of the fine weather. We visited Tesco, Culham and the railway bridge - which we discovered is blocked when approached from the opposite side of the river. Dominic has been converting our video tapes into MP4s - with some surprising results (4 year old Jeremy knew the planets, Granddad used to talk baby, and Charlie was a bit of a Miss). We have 20 tapes to get through, so it will be a while before they are all converted. We all took a lateral flow test for COVID and we were all negative. Daddy discovered that Mummy has a very small, curly, tongue when she was trying to locate her tonsils. He also confirmed that Mummy can't get a COVID jab until her visa is approved. Jeremy finally has an NHS number. Dominic's pub evening with his virtual colleagues meant we were, appropriately enough, drinking gin and watching The Crown all week. Thomas' birthday BBQ was nice. Daddy hit 80 crunches. Bad news: John Dawson Esq has returned.

Week of April 19th 2021 - Hop coins

Jeremy was still sleeping when he was supposed to be meeting Becky, for the last time before she returns to uni. She was very understanding, he was over an hour late. The snow that fell on Monday failed to deter the sunflowers, while the solitary surviving tomato seedling is thriving indoors. Daddy received notice of his first dividend from Co-op. For the £819 he spent last year he received £4 and 41p. Mummy has been pondering the usefulness of the 2p coin, and why the 5p is so small. She was also curious and sympathetic towards Geraldine Samuel, because she must have spent a lot of time and effort to send a hand written letter asking us the join a local bible study group. We politely ignored it. We took a bunch of 20p and 10p coins to Grandma's for a mahjong session and yummy brisket dinner. Daddy was the clear winner, while Jeremy won with the same card as someone else twice (he won neither hand). Mummy was enthusiastic about creating a hopscotch grid in the yard (transl. tiu fay gay). She even embellished it with flowers and bees, but she refuses to use it to hop. She now believes she is a brilliant hairdresser, having cut Dominic's hair (outside in the yard), to a reasonable standard, again. Daddy's doing 75 crunches every evening.

Week of April 12th 2021 - Passed 

Jeremy went for a walk to Sutton Courtney with a girl who is not Becky. He therefore had an excuse not to walk the 6 miles to Radley and back with Mummy and Dominic. Daddy though was too depressed to go. Grandma had trolled Daddy earlier about his bad Saturday: it rained all day, he lost his £10 wager on the Grand National (everyone else backed Ms Blackmore), and County lost - live on TV. She could have also mentioned that the tomato seedlings have been disappearing one by one. Mummy says the soil is occupied (with tomato-seedling-loving bugs - one assumes). We also realized that the CNY orchid died due to over-watering. Daddy had the misfortune to witness a seemingly respectable middle-aged man spit a large wad on a heavily-littered pavement of E. St Helens. It would appear that, for some at least, nothing has been learned regarding personal hygiene during the pandemic. Mummy has decided to watch all 40 episodes of The Crown - after Prince Philip's passing.  Daddy crushed 7 minutes of planking, and finished his month-long challenge. He's now decided to crunch for a month. Mummy insists on saying "pans and pots" - is she right? She and Dominic have been using lots of kitchen utensils making Biscoff cheesecakes and anchovy pizzas.

Week of April 5th 2021 - Ponytail slugs

Jeremy's ponytail is getting to be quite impressive. Not sure if Becky approved on their latest walk date. They are deliberately avoiding Albert Park as the local kids seem quite keen on trashing it at every opportunity. Jeremy says he can't help slamming doors in the house, because he's always carrying food and drink, so he has to use his face to open/close the doors (no joke!). Mummy fell for the "spider on the wall" April Fools, only for a real one to crawl by. She's into the King and I musical (it's an old Thai drama), so we had a movie night (without the popcorn). Dominic laughed a lot scientifically etc etc etc. The tomato and sunflowers sprouted on the warmest March day ever. Unfortunately, slugs invaded and ate some, so Daddy bought some ineffective slug killer and built little plastic barriers for each of them. We ventured on a warm Easter Sunday walk to Radley for Grandma's tea and cakes. Superstitious Daddy stood for 90 minutes in the same spot while watching County beat Wrexham on the box. Daddy pushed himself past 6 minutes during his nearly-completed 31-day plank challenge. So nice to hear that David and Claire plan to marry next year in Las Vegas. Bless.

Week of March 29th 2021 - Kind of gloriously grotty Gloucester

Jeremy is on Easter break, so he's been spending time practicing going outdoors (saw Becky and walked to Culham with his old rents). He says ham is cheap bacon. Granddad kindly drove us to Turpin to pick up Mummy's passports. He was really pleased he arrived at the right address without the help of Satnav. Mummy says she wants to walk the streets of dangerous Cowley. Neil kindly drove us to Gloucester so Mummy could provide her biometrics for her BN(O) visa. The rain gradually eased after our visit to the (Potter) cathedral and quay area. We arrived at 1pm at the library and waited while watching a woman walk her grass-eating cat. The surprise question: why are you applying without a passport was soon sorted, and kind Mr. Boddington completed the process. The two quietest places anywhere (a library and a cathedral) were extremely noisy - due to much-needed renovations. We left grotty Gloucester and gave the town a 4/10. Daddy started his 11th daily dairy after the new A6 Leuchtturm1917 arrived in the post. Mummy is still working out how to use the new pizza stone and electric whisk. Daddy planked for 5 minutes after 18 days, despite still having COVID arm. County sack Ardley and lose on pens in FA Trophy semi.

Week of March 22nd 2021 - Jab and poke

Jeremy handed in his final paper of the term (SQL related), but had to ask for D's help and missed his regular Thursday gathering. Daddy asked Mummy why she's was staring at Jeremy? "So I don't have to look at you," came the excellent reply. Nice bit of English humour that. Unperturbed by the put down, Daddy valiantly received his COVID-19 vaccine jab on Thursday, after Abingdon Surgery called to tell him of his appointment. He walked to Malthouse surgery at 1.45 and was out at 1.55. This was despite having to answer the same questions twice by the receptionist, who told him to go to booth 7, and the doctor. Daddy requested to be seated and have the injection in his left arm. She injected the Astra (batch: 4120 Z003) and told Daddy: not to drive for 15 minutes, and the exit is through the door to the left. No queuing/waiting required (to save time they didn't even write his name on the card). He endured a very slight pain at the injection site (which persisted for three days), and a possible related headache. He received no sympathy from Mummy (she made some horrible congee instead of the usual chicken soup), and whenever Daddy asked her to look at the injection site, she threatened to poke it. Out of the blue, Andy texted asking if Daddy had had his jab yet. Daddy is up to 4 minutes on his plank challenge. Mummy wants to exercise outside more, so we walked 6km to Culham and back. Daddy returned the 30p to the chippy: "Steve, no need!" was the cry. We completed the census and declared that Dominic and Mummy have been living in Abingdon for over a year. Dominic is a web dev guru (represented by a thinking chimp), and he sleeps like a chimp too! We had our last hotpot, as Spring and some semblance of warmth have returned.

Week of March 15th 2021 - Snatched 

Jeremy met Becky outdoors so they could celebrate their second anniversary. They sat down to eat pizza and vegan chicken nuggets in sunny Albert Park, when Jeremy noticed a young spaniel running towards them. The dog snatched Becky's nuggs and promptly scoffed the lot. Its perplexed elderly owner/pet arrived and apologized profusely, and offered to buy replacements. Jeremy coolly told him off, and reminded him to control his master/dog in the future. Lesson learned: don't eat vegan food in front of out-of-control puppies and global dog food shortage confirmed. Jeremy brushed the incident off, but when Daddy asked him to blow dry his hair because he wanted to go to bed he replied, "I can't! My hair is too wet." He didn't need to add brain-enhancing seaweed to his noodles one lunchtime: "I've already got lettuce in it." Daddy has resurrected Dominic's interest in Sooty and Lego, at a time when Lego has called for coders who can perform magic miracles. The NHS confirmed that Daddy does not have colon cancer - so no more stool-gazing for him (Mummy's gross dream about going to the lala with Becky may have been influenced by this news). Despite the apparent efficiency of our beloved NHS, Daddy still can't book his appointment for his COVID jab. Daddy registered Jeremy at Abingdon Surgery. Mummy is becoming more British all the time, and is trying to get the grips with sarcasm. She accidentally made pizza pie on Pi Day, but the rest of the day was a bit stressful. We picked up some sunflower seeds on our walk back from Grandma's on Mother's Day. Planted 18 of them immediately, but the hailstones that fell on the day suggests we might have sown them a bit early this year. Daddy owes our chippy 30p (L. chips are now £3.80 - potato inflation). Daddy started a month-long, 3-minute plus, plank challenge.

Week of March 8th 2021 - NHS stuff

After consuming a big pile, Mummy concluded that it was really difficult eating sunflower seeds. Jeremy comforted her with lots of buttering up at dinner time (Shanghai meatball, home-made pizza etc were all delicious), particularly as she thinks she may be finally pausing. However, he lost a lot of credits for his pathetic excuses not to go outside for a walk. Daddy received his scheduled invitation letter from the NHS, but had to call 119 and speak to Scottish-speaking Emily about why he couldn't book his COVID jab appointment. Despite the difficulty understanding her very broad accent, we concluded it was best to wait while someone inputs his new very old data. Daddy promptly returned his poo test to the NHS after deciding not to follow Mummy's advice and use a bucket. After curing Dominic's sore face last week, Daddy's saliva gland suddenly swelled up after he brushed his teeth. It soon subsided, only for Daddy to read the next day that it was a COVID symptom for a group of Italians. Daddy seriously cut his face while shaving the same side as the aforementioned swelling. Mummy thinks Tommy Cooper is really funny (un, deux, three etc). Dominic received a very amusing pay rise and bonus - all the eights. England were pants vs IND.

Week of March 1st 2021 - Lantern, hair and another BBQ

Jeremy is really into seeding. He's encouraging his friends to partake of the sunflower seed eating, and they have duly obliged. He says he eats so many that his tongue goes numb from the salt, and he's cut his gums too. He disclosed that he doesn't shave anymore -he prefers to pluck (despite the obvious pain). He's even proven that plucking works better by shaving half of his lip hair, and plucking the rest. His experiment showed that the plucked side takes longer to return, and he doesn't have to bother about cutting himself. He also says he actually learned something (not about plucking) at one of his lectures (Mummy: miracle!). Mummy is desperate to cut Jeremy's hair now that she thinks she's a genius after shaving the back of Daddy's head (the redness has almost gone) and cutting off most of Dominic's shaggy locks. Jeremy will resist and assuredly commented that Dominic's hair will grow back to normal again. He didn't improve Mummy's agitation by telling her he disliked her tofu, aubergine and chili combo (big loss of credits). We had another BBQ as the temperature continued to rise. The bratwurst and satay were going fine until Mummy noticed that the cardboard box, that Daddy had forgotten to remove from under the BBQ, was on fire. The BBQ was on lantern festival day, which is also one of six Chinese Valentine's Days. Daddy made a lantern with sticks and paper, and Mummy did the calligraphy/decorations in red paint. Daddy said he wanted to kiss Mummy, so she offered him her foot. The Home Office returned Mummy's passports. They were sent to Turpin's address in error. We've booked Gloucester for her biometric appointment on Friday March 26th (the earliest possible date). Mummy's been here a year. Daddy dyed his hair a new way. Daddy got Yoda to work and fixed his glasses. Thigh measurements: Daddy 20", Dominic 19", Mummy 16". England vs India 2-day debacle. County beat Oxford City and are in the FA Trophy semis. Puskas goal contender.

Week of February 22nd 2021 - Hats, hair and a BBQ

Dominic's squirrel hat finally turned up, a week late, along with a cheap motor insurance perk from his company - which is clearly useless to him. Contrast that with the hair clippers (and iPhone cable) which turned up a day after we ordered them. Mummy hasn't plucked up the courage to trim the back of Daddy's head yet, but she's warming up to the task. The temperature outside has risen to above freezing, so Mummy decided to have a barbecue - in February. It drizzled a little on the disposable BBQ from Spa. But the bratwurst and satay, which we had to eat indoors, were good. The marshmallows though were delicious! As it's almost Spring, Daddy decided to relocate a lonely daffodil from the garden, watched the swans start to build their nest, and spotted our local kingfisher again. Granddad's story about the murder of QM David Jackson prompted the purchase of the iPhone cable and the warning: never argue in the kitchen: if you do, let her win! Consequently, Daddy let Mummy cheat at calendar bingo! An immediate consequence of Daddy registering with the NHS: an invite to take a bowel cancer test. Daddy's says he's poking his poo for nobody! Dominic was in some discomfort for most of the week, because of a cut on the inside of his cheek which eventually healed. He couldn't use the force (he's Han), while Daddy is BB8. But Mummy and Jeremy are both Rei. Mummy dreamed about driving the old Rover, even though she knew it was dangerous to do so. She made a big pot of harmless noodles so everyone could take turns "lowing" (trans: mixing) on everybody's birthday. A new addition to our CNY traditions. Daddy's slow-mo pancake tossing was recorded for posterity. County lost for the first time in a long time.

Week of February 15th 2021 - Freezing CNY

We ordered a massive meal from Parasol to bring in Chinese New Year eve (4xP2). Mummy over-ordered, just to be safe. Unfortunately, the duck was dry and disappointing. We couldn't have Lorraine and Grandma come over on CNY day because of the lockdown, so we ate lor bak go, leen go, and drank GnTs/caramel gin by ourselves. Dominic took the day off. We all walked in a northeasterly direction after dance aerobics. Jeremy was not allowed to meet Becky (she of no more braces) for a windy and cold Valentine's Day because of the lockdown. He still hasn't left the house since January 2nd. Daddy has had to endure -10 c temperatures when stepping outside for food and smokes. But at least he can use the NHS to treat his potential frostbite because Abingdon Surgery managed to find his NHS number. Apparently, he registered in 1979 when he lived briefly in Trentham Street in Leeds. Turpin forgot to send us an email about the BN(O) visa. We had to send another pile of documents. Daddy forgot a packet of brioche at Spa. He got it back when he returned to buy some massive spring onions. Daddy stayed up all night to watch the Super Bowl and the cricket. Jet lag ensued.

Week of February 8th 2021 - BN(O) submitted

Jeremy continues to score highly at school and spends a lot of time at night guiding his study group. He had a dream about walking around HK in various states of undress, and recommended buying Tesla shares. He says Becky is a dolphin (insomniac), while we Thompsons are all wolves (we can stay up all night). Daddy's been watching the cricket at all times of the morning. Mummy started preparing food ahead of Chinese New Year next week. The lo bak go and red bean pudding is just the beginning. Daddy ordered new clothes for the boys and they helped decorate the house. Turpin submitted Mummy's BN(O) visa application. But there has been no request yet to submit her biometrics again.  The TB clinic called to confirm she doesn't want to book with them. Daddy helped Mummy dye her hair. She's not much of a brunette. Daddy registered online at Abingdon Surgery so he can get a COVID jab (one day). He doesn't have an NHS number so he submitted a 10-digit example number from the NHS website instead. Dominic got an expensive doughnut delivery from work. Abingdon flooded. Mummy understood when Daddy asked: "Wur hut den apfel gegessen?". She had a dream that she was upset that she was 57 and couldn't have children: only to realize she is 55 and has two sons.

Week of February 1st 2021 - Back to igloo school

Jeremy returned to online lectures as he approaches half way through his second year at university, and has been getting some extra schooling from Dominic to boot. He seems to have adapted to the new sleep regime, but he insists he sleeps diagonally in bed (Mummy sleeps on the right hand side of the bed, because women are always right). He says that Becky's teachers consider her to be one of the best in her cohort. Jeremy got swept away by this high praise and by Gamestop fever, with an £8 trade on the Euro using his Revolut account. He earned a whole one pound! We pondered the whereabouts of a former Greek Goddess - Hera (she's at UCL). We used the remnants of last week's snowman to make an igloo, with appropriate lighting. Dominic took a day off - just because he can and because igloo making is tiring. Mummy's getting super creative with her sourdough, and, dinners (lots of coriander dishes (soups, omelettes), potato lasagne, aubergine minchi etc). We have given up waiting for the TB clinic to call. The BN (O) requirements issued on Sunday  were less stringent than anticipated (but how a family of five can come up with £50k to pay the fees to move here is questionable).

Week of January 25th 2021 - Two and a half inches

Jeremy has been secretly growing his chin whiskers for the past month. No idea why, but they managed to grow by half an inch. He shaved them off because they brushed his clothes when he lowered his head. Mummy bravely decided to yield to Dominic's request that she cut his hair - because it was getting in the way and we don't think the current COVID lockdown will be lifted anytime soon. She did a wonderful job cutting 2.5 inches off his massive mop with a pair of kitchen scissors while he sat in the bath with a black plastic bag around his shoulders. The length of his hair had become so troublesome, he had taken to wearing various hats while on his zoom calls at work. As his hair went up, the snow come down on Sunday, which was a major event for Mummy, because the last time she saw snow fall was nearly 30 years ago in Beverley. We think about 2.5 inches finally settled. There was the usual hour of snowball fights, snow angels and snowperson building. Mummy doesn't have a cold, but she has been advised by Turpin to take another expensive TB test at the nearest government clinic - in Maidenhead. Daddy was given a free £1 aubergine at Spa, because the teller didn't know the price. We now know that there is a limit to the capacity of our water heater. Daddy watched a lot of early morning cricket (for the purists) during the week.

Week of January 18th 2021 - Genius Pigeon John

Jeremy achieved 56/60 for his data structures and algo paper (he's still a genius). But he learned that his D&D buddy, PC (Iwan) John, has contracted COVID (which he probably caught in the line of duty). Dominic sorted out a big mess by figuring out what the problem was: in the week he finished his first year at Beamery. He restored Daddy's 13-year old iPod by cleaning it with hand-wash alcohol and replacing the screen protector with one Mummy got with her new iPhone case. Daddy had to remove and dispose of a dead pigeon (for fear of bird flu and vermin) which had given up the ghost (bereft of life, rests in peace, ex-pigeon etc) near Dominic's bedroom window. He returned a letter to (it's maker) the NHS which was addressed to Zheng Wang from Flat 8 (H). The letter had passed from A (us) to H (them) several times. Daddy had a dream about lying in a bed with the lights on, while wearing his glasses and a beanie. When a car pulled up outside, he took his glasses off and put the beanie on the end of the bed and pretended to be asleep, with the quilt over his head. A young Jeremy walked in and grabbed Daddy's big toe and then gave him a hug. No analysis possible. The weekend's hotpot was yummy, but Daddy's weight fell below 152lbs (not because of Emi Wong's tough exercise video). A rafter of burly Turkish chaps from our local take-aways excitedly screamed: "Steve, where have you been?" when he collected his fish n' chips. "COVID!" was the obvious reply. Cricket was good. Notts could still play Oxford City.

Week of January 11th 2021 - Unicorn rainbow cake jabs 

Jeremy received a ~70% mark for his IT security paper, and saluted the news that he will not begin online classes until early February. In the meantime, he'll been eating like Santa Claus as he tries to add weight. We celebrated Dominic's 30th with a unicorn-decorated rainbow cake. He ended up mixing most of it by hand, because Mummy tried to churn 8 packets of butter in one go and broke our +20-year-old cake-mixer (its deconstruction revealed badly-worn cog teeth). His new Pumas from Europe arrived just in time, despite the exceptions, but Grandparents' card from Radley did not. Mummy and Daddy were driven to built-up Croydon (which is not London) by quiet Andrzej for her third biometric appointment. It took 2.5 hours (each way). Arrived early, but were made to wait by maskless heavies. It took her 15 minutes to finish. The Home Office kept her passports (they will be returned by mail). When Daddy asked Andrzej if he was returning to the car after finding a toilet, he texted: "I'm going". A tiring day was made worse by the fact the fire alarm went off at 3am. Upstairs called the hotline but received no help. Mummy was shocked by the ugly, burst blood vessel in her right eye. Grandparents were inoculated against COVID with the Pfizer version at Clifton Hampton (not Marcham, as they were told). No reaction to painless, bloodless jab. Dominic got his deposit back from his flat, thus closing a useless chapter. He hit 130lbs on his 30th birthday.

Week of January 4th 2021 - Dreaming of a better 2021

Jeremy had a dream about a broken-down lighthouse (which we think is a metaphor for Twickenham House and Dawson's flashing lights outside). Daddy dreamed about waiting for Jeremy at a red bus stop in London. The appearance of purple dressed cheerleaders and the two Motorola phones was odd. No analysis possible. Dominic has been busy getting his money's worth playing/worshiping Cyberpunk. Grandma confessed she used to genuflect incorrectly at school so Father Rodrigo would correct her inappropriately. Dominic was very correct and precise about cooking the legless turkey for New Year (which drove imprecise Mummy crazy). His sausage meat and glace cherry stuffing cupcakes were a triumph of innovation. We had a virtual New Year. We've been eating all sorts of turkey variations so far this year. We donated to a charity that feeds hungry children in the US for Uncle Richard's birthday. It snowed ever so slightly, it was foggy, and we found frost. There was no milk anywhere in town. Jeremy's New Year resolution is to add more weight: 117lbs (by drinking milk?). Daddy 153lbs, Dominic 129lbs.

Week of December 28th 2020 - Flooded Christmas

Jeremy had his crew around for a gathering on the lawn. We met Becky, who has a bad case of tenosynovitis (aka wrist tendonitis). Virtual carols was a laugh with Jeremy sorting everyone out. Daddy made a new 20A sign for the front gate after Mummy got red faced about it. She was given a parcel for Dominic, by a complete stranger, that was left on John Dawson's steps and was told that the sign is not clear enough and needed to be fixed.  After tracking Santa with Norad, we woke up late on the big day. Jeremy got very excited about the D&D playing cards he got from Dominic and has hung the drawings Becky gave him around his bedroom. Dominic can't stop wearing his orange beanie and is on holiday til the 8th. Mummy and Daddy bought each other last-minute jumpers. Fabulous Christmas lunch was at Grandma's as usual (we finished a bottle of free port). We got a new router and socks, and Daddy got a nose-hair cutter. We decided against going to Lorraine's for Boxing Day because we are now in Tier 4. We got a Christmas card from Andy. The Thames burst its banks and flooded most of Abbey Meadows. 

Week of December 21st 2020 - Mucky

Jeremy's week of Christmas term-end exams went well enough, he reckons. He was so confident beforehand that he only needed to revise for one day (but he did also go to bed early - twice). He and Becky have been exchanging gifts as part of the re-establishment their physical relationship. She gave him a D&D wallet, he gave her arty stuff. Mummy bumped into Jeremy in Waitrose as he was buying food with a chubby Polish girl from his class (two-timing?). She was thanking him for all his help during the term. He's been skirting close with Mummy, but despite failing to recognize she has lost weight, he did notice that her arm is less comfortable, so she must have lost weight there. She stayed up all night making cupcakes, but still managed to drag Daddy around muddy, but mild, Abingdon in an attempt to become even thinner. The visit to Abbey Fishponds was interesting because Daddy found some timber, and he also saw a flock of fieldfare at Rye Farm. Unfortunately, Mummy got jumped on by a mucky dog on another walk with Dominic. While we were attending the Old Gaol carols on the lawn (arranged by PE teacher Mike), we were approached by a local biddy with a stick and a hearing aid (i.e. another mucky dog), who asked the dreaded question: where are you from? Before Daddy could say Twickenham House, Mummy replied: "Hong Kong". Elder retorted: "so, both of you", and walked off. Daddy dreamed about contrails and a pheasant. He had a short haircut with a non-pregnant Jess.

Week of December 14th 2020 - Hugs @93%

Jeremy is pleased to announce that he finally got to go out with artistic Becky for the first time in ages. They COVID hugged and held (their gloved) hands as they walked around town. He remains pleased with his grades, having scored 37 out of 40 for his Java paper. He has discovered what a First is. Daddy has been busy decorating the front door, with a wreath made of spiky holly (from the garden) and some evergreens (which he stole from trees by our local, foggy, cricket pitch). Dominic has been playing Cyberpunk as much as possible, and received some swag from Beamery (hoodie, beanie, coffee mug etc). Daddy picked it up and on his return came across the son of John Dawson's friend. He has been isolating upstairs (COVID positive?), and, while doing so, turned the TV on too loud. Daddy had to tell him to turn it down (or else!). Daddy made black pudding meatballs a la Nigella, but has vowed not to encroach on Mummy's kitchen territory anymore. She has been busy making spring rolls, won ton, chocolate bombs and cupcakes by the million.

Week of December 7th 2020 - Trees

We finally decided to stick with the adult anti-tree for Christmas this year (Waitrose didn't have our size). Jeremy didn't want to have his photo taken with the angel bear - ending a ~14-year streak. But he still diligently distributes the four advent calendars in the hope that Mummy doesn't want to eat chocolate (for some reason). The rest of the usual decorations were hung/assembled, but the red fairy lights around the window decided to pack in. It was a pantomime as us boys tried to fix them. We sneaked over to Lorraine's to help put up her fake tree after a visit to sunny Oxford (Queen's Cafe for lunch). The queues/crowds at Westgate were hard to believe. Dominic spent two days bogged down at an unbelievably boring virtual offsite. Such a shame, the company went en masse to Lisbon last year. Daddy's elderflower drizzle pudding went down well, but the cherries failed to flambe so we all got a bit tipsy watching more Nigella. Jeremy celebrated Philip's birthday with a virtual beer, but he refused to eat the scotch egg. Daddy has unintentionally lost another 2lbs. At 152lbs, it is his lightest weight since June 2005. Dominic, on the other hand, has ballooned to 129lbs - a record high. We think that Mummy's massive egg-based lunches - or a lack of them - may have contributed to this curious divergence.

Week of November 30th 2020 - Venturing out

We started to slowly venture out of the house this week, with the thick fog acting as our cover. Mummy went out after dark to see the flashing lights that John Dawson has selfishly imposed on everyone on our street. Daddy has heard JD muttering to himself on two occasions suggesting he may not be all there. Mummy also got to see the overdressed Christmas tree in the Marketplace. Jeremy went to see Philip (twice) for a short while (Becky returns next week). He's still acting like a genius: he got top marks for his C++ paper. Dominic, on his holiday, has been testing his boots to see how muddy he can get them during his long walks. Daddy's iPhone returned to life after he foolishly switched it off. No real Christmas tree at Waitrose, so we have improvised with the anti-tree until the right one turns up. County came from behind to win in the last minute against Chesterfield: Mummy says "miracles do exist!" which is an expansion of her single word taunt in October.

Week of November 23rd 2020 -  Reading 

Jeremy received top marks 40/40 for his algorithms paper written in Java. He seemed as surprised as we were. He also managed to complete a C+ paper, after struggling at the beginning. He now knows that 1) he should write code in a language he knows first and 2) use the tools. We are expecting more perfection. Mummy and Daddy's £12 bus trip to Reading to submit her biometrics went relatively smooth. We had to wait a while for the X40 in Oxford, but we arrived at the Central Library on time. The whole process of taking a photo and her fingerprints took five minutes. But Daddy couldn't wait that long and had to find a bush in the nearby Abbey Gardens so he could have a very satisfying pee. Hot chocolate and chips at a Greek cafe helped fight off the cold and drizzle. We returned home (after a trip to the Chinese supermarket) at 5pm, completing a seven hour journey. Turpin submitted an altered visa application for Mummy using the "Leave Outside The Rules (LOTR)" method. Dominic surprised us all by announcing he had booked a week off work. He was embarrassed to admit that he wanted to use the time to play a new version of Cyberpunk. But it has been delayed further after five years in development. Daddy's new found fondness for recreating Nigella recipes continued with a lovely, sweet, tasty, loaf (don't you mean old oaf? Ed.). But Mummy got a bit crusty about Daddy's sudden intrusion into her kitchen. Daddy's dealing at poker is getting a bit much (he drew four kings and never pulls a nine). Mummy is getting into Strictly more. But she contrasts this Britishness by vigorously shredding turnip to make lor baht go.  

Week of November 16th 2020 - Stitches

Dominic was very lucky with the weather when he moved his stuff (with help from driver Andrej) from his flat in London back home. He brought literally everything back with him (toilet paper/brush, lots of beans, six-month old breakfast cereals, and a quilt that doesn't seem to belong to him). He also brought back a lamp, so it's not so dark when we video call from Daddy's desk. Daddy's test of how much brighter it is, caused Mummy to burst into laughter. Jeremy had everyone in stitches when he used his back teeth to bite Mummy's very hard, toasted sourdough. He applied for his second year student financing, and got approval in four days (not four weeks as he was originally told). Daddy was upset after he stepped on a squishy worm in the yard. His reproduction of a gooey tahini choccy pudding (via Nigella) was a major success - despite Mummy's constant interference. Mummy is becoming more and more British - she watched Strictly and was appalled that Giovanni was not wearing anything under his open shirt.

Week of November 9th 2020 - Explosively quiet lockdown 2.0

The first week of lockdown 2.0 produced a noticeable reduction in traffic noise around town. However, it failed to curb the annual rush by our local youngsters to let off as many fireworks as possible on or after Bonfire Night. The biggest display was at the Nags Head, but there were plenty of other contenders. The local geese were petrified as always. By the time Remembrance Sunday came around all was quiet again, allowing the townsfolk to admire the church bells as they rang out at 11am for the first time since March. Dawson upstairs was spotted greeting visitors from different households in his living room. Daddy was tempted to become a COVID marshal for the evening. We went over for tea to see the Grandparents, but that was before lockdown began. Mummy's latest sign language: hands over her eyes means turn off the lights (rather than turn a blind eye). Dominic's poker skills apparently know no bounds, with plenty of jaw dropping hands on display. No matter what underhand tricks we tried, we couldn't beat him. Unfortunately, we discovered we still have to travel (on public transport during a lockdown) to attend the biometric appointment. Mummy doesn't think Charlie Chaplin (or going to Reading) is particularly funny!

Week of November 2nd 2020 - Amazon arrivals

We decided to go on an online shopping spree this week: Dominic's bedside lamp arrived first, but Mummy was not impressed with the low-quality cupcake holders. The towels and proofing basket turned up next (Daddy knows that Mr. Amazon man delivers at 12.30 each day), but we will have to wait for the cutting board and shoes. Dominic's computer innards arrived in one box, and sent the boys into raptures as they happily rebuilt his old PC. They will have to wait for the adapters for the monitor and keyboard. We waited patiently to see the hazy blue moon on Halloween and lit sparklers in celebration. As the country has moved back into lockdown, it would seem that Mummy will not be able to keep her biometrics appointment. And, although the Cornwall trip has been postponed, Daddy expects Dawson to go back home. Dominic (127lbs) did his COVID test, after breakfast on Friday. He giggled profusely at the prospect of sticking the fluffy swab up his nose. He also giggled a lot at his simultaneous romantic movie night with Angela (yes, it is possible for two people on different continents to watch Grumpy Old Men at the same time). Mummy's millionaire shortbread is too dangerously fattening to eat in any sort of quantity, and could explain her recent weight gain to 117lbs. However, it is mystery why Jeremy has fallen back to 117lbs, when he hit 130lbs earlier this year. He could be worrying about Becky, who's having a tough time relating to her non-geeky housemates. 

Week of October 26th 2020 - UBER test

Jeremy got 19/20 for his first year two programming paper. But he's not really that sharp, eg. Daddy wanted to buy a pizza online, but Domino's don't deliver anymore. So he tried to set up an UBER Eat account, but it needed a mobile number. He had almost given up ordering a take-away dinner when Jeremy pointed out that he has an UBER account. A Portuguese called Frank delivered the Mcd's. Jeremy walked into the kitchen with his hair sticking up, and explained that he has hair grease because he hadn't been for a bath. Dominic got a bonus from work. He also received his COVID test. It looks quite complicated as it requires refrigeration, and the courier booking website closes at 8.30pm. Odd! He weighs 127lbs. Daddy cut a wormbie in half with the front door. It weighs half as much as before, but one half survived. Mummy's started her girl date very late. She has arranged a biometric appointment at Reading Library at 1.30pm on November 20th (she's looking forward to eating Krispy Cremes!). Our first Wife's Club coffee morning went well. Dawson continues to troll Daddy (g'dday!). Hart wins Giro. Hamilton GOAT. County can't play football (Mummy: I know!) because of COVID cases.

Week of October 19th 2020 - Broke it

Mummy started the week with a sore ankle after her Autumnal walk to Culham with Dominic. We ate lovely gammon at Grandma's and drank a bit of wine/port. After a long walk (interrupted by a large puddle), we parents had a splendid lunch at Annie's - their BLT is an 8/10, but the coffee is too weak. Mummy went into Oxford for hotpot, only to discover that the restaurant doesn't serve da bin lo. Mummy is determined to inflict maximum damage to the kitchen. First she dropped the iron and dented the floor. Then she stuck a metal knife into the cake mixer and snapped it in half. Daddy's helped out by breaking a bowl that was too hot to handle. Dominic received another letter from the NHS. It was almost exactly the same as the first one. He had a nap during the day - this is a significant event for someone who is constantly tired. Angela traveled ahead of her first day at work. We will talk to Turpin this week. County were virtual top of the table, but blew it against Maidenhead!

Week of October 12th 2020 - Drinks

Jeremy needs to learn how to serve drinks, after he filled a glass with gin and tonic right to the top (with no ice or lemon). Mummy thought it was a glass of water. Earlier, she had accidentally (shurely shome mishtake! ed) threw a heavy cushion at Daddy when they were making up their bed. She could have warned him. Mummy occasionally speaks to Jeremy in Cantonese and asked him to bring some Mut tai sa from the fridge. He attempted to decipher what she was asking for, but gave up: she wanted Maltesers. He finds the sound of Mummy speaking in Cantonese and filing her nails highly satisfying. Dominic has been picked to take part in a NHS Covid antigen survey. He finally completed his Scrum Master test (90%). He's been interviewing a lot of candidates, but with little success. Lorraine is good to go after her girly op.  J. Dawson is stalking Daddy (drawing curtains, switching lights off at etc). Daddy was excited that County had scored three times against Barnet: Mummy's comment: "miracle".

Week of October 5th 2020 - Disasters

Jeremy bade farewell to Becky as she left for Arts university in Farnham. She has settled in well with her two housemates. She will probably come home most weekends, and he talks to her all the time, so he says he doesn't think he will miss her much. Autumn arrived with Mid-Autumn Festival and a wet and cold blast of weather. The yard outside looks like a disaster zone. The lantern festival was tricky for Mummy because it coincided with a full moon, so no meat for her. She accidentally bit into a ham and cheese roll, thus breaking her vows, and then almost flooded the cooker when she left a pot of soup unattended (punishment). Daddy had two digital disasters: 1) the USB stick of his 12-year-old keyboard packed in, so he walked to Tesco and bought a Stg10 Logitech replacement 2) he accidentally pressed his iPhone screen and deleted his Whatsapp and Instagram programs (both were eventually restored, but not back to how they used to be). Daddy dyed his hair in the bath for the first time - it did not go well.

Week of September 28th 2020 - Danger

Jeremy started his second year at Brookes in bed, watching lectures on C++ remotely. COVID cases at Headington have been trending higher during freshers week, making face-to-face lectures dangerous. His friend, PC John, had to go to hospital for a black eye he received when a hazardous drunk hit him. He's been a constable for less than a month. We can confirm that Jeremy is a frighteningly bad loser when he folds with a pair of jacks playing Texas hold' em. Ting Ting has reconciled with her policeman husband, but it appears that that prospect is not likely with Olivia. Lunch at the Crown with Andrew was agreeable. Daddy dreamed that Mummy was dancing with Sinatra (according to the hood at the swish hotel lobby). Mummy's swanky chocolate cake for Granddad's birthday prompted a massive cake-baking spree, as she attempts to rebuild Jeremy's weight as his new term starts. His stomach is now  playing up! Dominic helped Angela set up her Instagram side-business called photoSquirl, now that she's found a consulting job in New Jersey.

Week of September 21st 2020 - No cough, will sniff

Dominic returned from his offsite, minus a cough. He will remain at home as the COVID infection rate continues to climb to its inevitable second spike. His TP Link wifi extenders work. Daddy decided to stayed up all night, and suffered for it the next day. Consolation: he had his breakfast ciggy at 7am - with a squirrel. Although Daddy has definitely lost weight, it is not enough for him to fit in his old 30 inch Levi's - much to Mummy's amusement. She was less amused by Jeremy's critique of her pear crumble, which meant he lost all of his credits. He's been slowly rebuilding his stash by smooching up to her a lot and being an imp. As is per usual, he has a sniffy nose ahead of the start of his classes next week. We have been taking lots of bubble baths recently (no idea why). We had drinks with Andrew, but there was no mention of Olivia's status. Daddy discovered that his mentor, Leo G (CBE), died in Dublin on April 24th. Amazing end to the Tour.

Week of September 14th 2020 - Tresmeer

We travelled to Highchurch Farm in Cornwall with Lorraine (again). The four hour trip was interrupted by Daddy's John Dawson story, climbing a Brown Willie and going for a pee in a bush (and being joined by others who couldn't wait in the queue at the service station). We ate a picnic in a car park and walked for three hours around blowy Tintagel, before eating shepherd's pie and drinking vodka at the farm. The farm animals were particularly attracted to Mummy's red hoodie. We went back to crowded Tintagel for a picnic by the side of a road and a walk the next day, but the instructions were wrong (Soon, you will see a metal gate), but we finally made it to slippery, spectacular, Rocky Valley. Daddy needed a pee at tea shop with no bathroom, so he searched for a public toilet. He found one, but he didn't have the 50p entrance fee, so he did it in a field instead (much to the amusement of the lav cleaner). Daddy had a vodka dream about squeezing Mark T. into a vending machine and hoping no-one would find the body before the holidays start. We had Sunday lunch at a steep Port William where Daddy drank the free beer that we were given because of the slow service and lack of mussels. Stargazing, playing football (night and day) with pregnant Murphy and seeing a white-tailed eagle were other highlights. We clocked up 36k steps (27k meters) and climbed the equivalent of 83 floors. The five hour trip back was hampered by an accident and a very unhelpful plain-clothes policemen who told Neil to find his own way back home. Daddy went to Lewis Baker and heard on the radio that the Red Arrows will be flying over Abingdon. Dominic went into London to lead a work offsite for Team Rocket in a WeWork (despite his reservations). His cough has significantly subsided, but restrictions have been introduced as COVID infections have risen. Daddy has his heart set on becoming a COVID marshal. We prayed for terminal Bogdan, and Caroline, who had her gallbladder removed.

Week of September 7th 2020 - Rubbish router

Dominic bought another router. It looked like the top of Orthanc at Isengard, but, after the boys excitedly install it, we discovered it didn't work. Amazon delivered to our upstairs neighbour in Twickenham House by mistake, so John Dawson (for that is his name) kindly delivered it. Daddy took the opportunity to tell him, in a pleasant way, to keep his bloody noise down. He hasn't switched on his massively vibrating TV since. Mummy insisted on walking to Tesco to buy a mini-chopper because our 20+ year old one finally conked out, and to the lake/park near the Marina to safely throw away some excess sour dough starter. She is happy to report more weight loss despite making tons of lovely pear desserts. Dominic is still coughing - it has been 50 days since he started. Jeremy's uni altered and then finally confirmed that he only has to attend two classes at Wheatley. However, he and his classmates have decided to boycott them, because it is not safe (the government, in anticipation of a spike in cases, has set up a dedicated COVID testing site in a restaurant on campus!). Mummy messed up her already dubious fringe by cutting a big chunk off. She used nail scissors this time! If she continues to try and correct it, she will have no fringe left to cut - scary.

Week of August 31st 2020 - Extensions

Dominic's cough slightly subsided, but he had a big bout when Jeremy tried to retell a story about an incident at JR involving his policeman friend and a man with a Phd carrying an airsoft pistol in his pants. The new router from Google was not funny - it was returned. Jeremy has received his schedule for the start of his second year at university, and it's kind in terms of travelling to Wheatley (once a week every Tuesday at 1pm), with the rest of his lectures online. He spent the week saying goodbyes to his friends as they return to various universities as the Summer draws to a damp close. It turned cold after Daddy spotted a double rainbow. His damp Sony camera switched on. Our immigration lawyer, Turpin, finally sent an application to extend Mummy's visitor visa, thus allowing her to stay until she can apply for a BNO visa in January. Daddy signed a new 12 month lease for the flat. Upstairs neighbour returned. Watched Anderson get his 600th eventually! 

Week of August 24th 2020 - Fringe 

Mummy decided, on the spur of her madness, to cut the front of her hair - by herself, in the bathroom, with a pair of blunt kitchen scissors. It turned out quite well, but the fringe will take some getting used to. We had a terrible day when: another kitchen light bulb blew, Mummy bent our Poseidon statue's trident, Daddy got conjunctivitis again, his iPhone refused to restart, and the Google wifi router Dominic bought, using the cash handout from work, didn't work at all. The bad karma continued when we got rained on during a 2.5 hour walk around Fawley with Lorraine, and Daddy broke a wooden viewing platform he was attempting to scale and Mummy scratched her lovely ankle on some brambles. The poor run all started with our attempts to photograph the Perseid meteor shower. After taking the shot we wanted, Daddy left his old Sony camera on the new table outside all night: and it rained the following morning. It is in a box full of silica gel - drying out. You can't ask Jeremy to put a plate on a bowl in the kitchen without much confusion. Dominic's cough persists. Daddy filled in the online form for Mummy's new spousal visa application, but we may now take a new route. Mummy 113lbs, Daddy 154lbs.

Week of August 17th 2020 - Furnished cheques

False alarm, Dominic's cough persisted through the week. Mummy thinks feeding him lots will help. Jeremy's concern for the plight of his big brother is palpable, but D is in no mood for pity. Fortunately, work has been not too taxing, so he's been coding and playing and helping someone in Wisconsin. The cheque books turned up (the receptionist didn't know Andy's name). But before their discovery, Mummy went into full volcanic mode imagining what someone was doing with a bunch of company cheques. The IKEA furniture also arrived, and what a lovely surprise to find a fake bamboo plant (with steel bucket) and four candle holders to go with the table and chairs for the patio. Unfortunately, the weather has been so foul (we recorded hail stones), no one has been able to sit on the chairs yet. Jeremy and Becky spent a romantic evening eating spicy Chinese food in the patio (pre-furniture). Daddy hoped he kept a straight face when he saw her green lippy. Mummy killed two different coloured flies that were bugging her while she sewed lace to the bottom of her shorts all night. She's a slow, meticulous  person, but has amazing reflexes. Daddy got a slow boiling zit. Jeremy says D has fat legs, because he can't get into his jeans that he is now wearing. All three English football teams lost in Europe. Aegis Bowl washed out. 

Week of August 10th 2020 - Closed presents

Dominic's cough subsided slightly over the week, coincidently after Daddy paid a fruitless visit to Boots for advice about how to cure it. Daddy got cards, a Lego gnome from Andy, and a pair of binoculars for his birthday. The clues about a mystery present, which is on its way, include: it's big, it's from IKEA and it's expensive. The trip to London to celebrate our anniversary with the Grandparents didn't go exactly to plan as the Royal China (along with most shops in Queensway) was closed. Ping Pong near Selfridges was an adequate replacement  (particularly as the food was half price). Daddy was happy to remove the 60th banner from the sitting room - it had been bugging him. Daddy swan with his father for a record third time in one summer. He rescued a spawning toad from the pool. We spent Sunday afternoon enjoying a picnic in our secret place on the Thames (feeding fish with Mummy's ham rolls and picking flowers). Daddy hid behind the sofa as England chased down Pakistan. We discovered that the code for the gate is 6961.

Week of August 3rd 2020 - Lost cough party

Dominic's upper respiratory tract infection worsened over the course of the week, to such an extent, that he has to cough every 15 seconds. It's painful to listen to and particularly disturbing at night. Staying up with him meant Daddy got to have a good look at brilliant Mars at 3.30 in the morning. Dominic was unable to attend the tea party to celebrate Daddy's Chinese calendar birthday at his grandparents on Sunday. Mummy passed the tasteful bunting that Dominic ordered when we went over to Conifer House to enjoy the second swim of the summer. Daddy received a bottle of champagne, cards, and a wallet with a very secret piece of paper in it. FedEx are asking for 40 pounds import tax (80%) for the face masks Kim kindly sent us. The parcel Daddy spent 70 pounds for express delivery to Andy in Hong Kong arrived - 13 days after it was sent. Dodgy realtors Breckon asked to confirm if we wish to rent for another year. They gave us seven days to reply (if we don't they will put the flat on the market). Daddy replied immediately, but there was no response. apparently Hannah will return to the office from her holiday the day before the deadline. Someone toxic threw a large piece of concrete into the yard. Gladioli came and went in three days, but we harvested the first four tomatoes. Notts County lost the National League promotion final to Harrogate.

Week of July 25th 2020 - Fused kitchen

Jeremy and Daddy finally had hairs cut by visored Hannah (four inches off each). Someone pointed a thermometer at Daddy in the salon - just in Covid case. Daddy dyed his hair immediately, and misses twiddling his curls (Jeremy doesn't miss his Mother dressing him in curlers Harry Styles style). Mummy blew the fuse for the kitchen while making some tiny pieces of toast. It was her fourth serious incident in the kitchen in as many months. Astonishing when you think that she decided we live in our rabbit hole of a flat because she liked the kitchen so much. She was busy in there again making ice cream, apple crumble and more sourdough. Daddy's requested birthday present arrived, and he's been checking them out to see if they work. We didn't need them to watch a pair of rare grey wagtails showing off at the weir. Andrew postponed our planned visit, and we decided to cancel the idea of lunch at Nags Head (before County beat Barnet). Dominic coughed all week, but he was still able to take a superb photo of comet Neowise, using his Pixel 4 and a new tripod. Daddy dreamed about a slough and a lion which turned into a fur rug. It's been hot in bed, so it was probably about throwing bed covers off - which had resulted in his phone falling out of bed twice!

Week of July 20th 2020 - Explode

Mummy has been diligently feeding a dough starter, and has been making lots of sourdough bread (and pancakes, muffins etc). During one attempt, she put our +20-year old Le Crueset pot in the oven at full blast - unattended. Daddy noticed a strange smell, but Mummy dismissed his sensitivity. A loud explosion that seemed to come from the oven even attracted Dominic's attention from his bedroom workstation. When we removed the pot from the oven, we found that the plastic phenolic knob for the lid  had exploded/shattered. The same evening and the next day, the estate's fire alarms unrelatedly began ringing their annoyance. Mummy has suddenly become an untrained BNO passport consultant, answering questions and verifying photographs for all and sundry. Dominic spent two, tense, long, days, training to be a scrum master. He can't relax as well as he should, so even performing pranayama brings on fits of laughter and hiccoughs. But he is very proud that he makes his own bed now. Mummy and Daddy went to God's house, but it was closed. The duck wrap at Grandma's compensated. Dominic's good deed was to feed sourdough to some ducks and honey to a poorly bee. But he couldn't join us for Sunday lunch at Radley, because he has developed a small cough, which we believe he caught when he had his hair cut at Duke's. Daddy paid 70 pounds to send a very small parcel to Mummy's brother. It was supposed to take two days - it is still in the UK.

Week of July 13th 2020 - 80th party was A+

Jeremy finally received his DevOp grade, and it was another A+. His home economics grade would probably not be as good: his mother noted that his noodle soup is too concentrated, more like a sauce. He annoyed Mummy by having jelly for lunch, and a biscuit for breakfast. He didn't meet Becky on Monday, but she has reciprocated by accepting to join the family at Nags Head on August 2nd. We can finally talk about the preparations for Grandma's birthday party (the menu (adjusted for the vegans), bunting/balloons, the blessing from the Pope (Mummy's great idea and the fact no one knew you can request one), the cup cake bouquet (which changed from the 80 shape), the Dyson and the video greetings). The weather was fine enough as we attempted to dress for the occasion. In the end we didn't need to buy new shirts for the boys. We caught the bus back home for free. Dominic did go into Oxford by bus, so he could get a hair cut at Duke's. Daddy noticed that the interference on his Flickr site has stopped. He dreamed about showing his abs to Mummy.

Week of July 6th 2020 - DevOp & birthday all good

Jeremy's interview about his DevOp exam went well. He received an all-clear email and is waiting for his grade to be published. He's so clever, he can even drink from a glass of water while wearing a face mask. Mummy needed water as she tried to burn the kitchen down again - this time toasting bread in the grill with baking paper. Mummy celebrated her birthday with her children at an egg-themed lunch at a non-PPE equipped, non-socially distant, Crown and Thistle. This was followed by a scrummy tea at Grandparents. Her Malteser cupcakes and ham and cheese swirls were very good. Dominic caught the train to check on his London flat, and bumped into his Grandparents in Oxford. We've moved him into the main bedroom, to see if he sleeps better there. Daddy passed the final exam of a marketing course on Google Garage by copying the answers from the internet. He has noticed some odd behaviour relating to Gay Pride Day on his Flickr page. He was upset to see a dead woodpecker and a crushed, very large, white, bird's egg. Mummy 115lbs, Daddy 154lbs. We resisted getting hair cuts, but it can't be long now. 

Week of June 29th 2020 - Jeremy's flying results

Jeremy received his grades for his first year at Brookes. He received three A+, an A, a B+ and B. Based on a standard scoring system, he achieved 80%, which is first territory. He is waiting for the outcome of his DevOp interview to complete the results. Overall, a tremendous performance! We have booked tables for upcoming birthdays, so we will raise a glass to him then. He raised some eyebrows when he decided to smell the Allen key Daddy gave him to tighten the screws of his bed. But he did fix the wobbly door handle of his room as compensation. Dominic's team took 4 hours to fix a bug of their own making. Daddy quickly found another aphid-eating ladybird and some swallows on a wire. But, unlike the summer birds, the ladybird flew off again (we've given up). Daddy was flying into the Grandparent's swimming pool on the hot day of the summer. We skipped another dance aerobics after our walk to Radley. Our first ride in Granddad's car was welcome. Mummy was happy to receive out-of-date Chinese mushrooms from Eve. But she was shocked and tearful to hear about the passing of Kim's husband, Ah Lam, due to his long-standing kidney problem. Daddy got past Level 8 of Word wipe.

Week of June 22nd 2020 - Father palaver

Jeremy is waiting on an interview on July 1st about an irregularity with his DevOp exam. Father's Day (which coincided with the Summer solstice) was also quite irregular. First, we discovered on the back of Granddad's card the helpful tiny warning about picking an envelope. We had not. So we had to wrap it with the shortbread. Daddy also delivered Andy's card at the Sunday gathering (Daddy gave him his first day cover from 1974). Daddy got a card, that he had seen several times because Dominic kept leaving it hanging around the house. Daddy asked for left footed socks as a present, because all his socks have holes in the left foot. In the end he got four pairs of socks from Poundland, at 50p each. David delivered an unwanted TV, so Daddy got a lift to Radley, while the others walked. Dominic spotted many species of insect on the way. We have decided we need a ladybird to eat the aphids on the tomato plants (which are slowly producing fruit). Daddy fed a leaf to our resident wormbie. He watched with amazement as it pulled it into his home. Jeremy sneezed into a tissue: the snot formed the shape of a small dog. Dominic had a dream about a labrador (possibly prompted by Downton's Isis or the ad about pupdates), but he hit his head on the wall behind his bed and woke up. Daddy heard the sad news that Jimmy's Kitchen in Central will close this month. Mummy couldn't work there, she tried to burn down the kitchen again (this time with the toaster). We are all frustrated with our long hair (Mummy dreamed that Vivian was young and Kim Robinson cut her hair). We heard thunder. We got lost on a walk around the rugby/tennis club area of Abingdon. Mummy's lemon/blueberry drizzle, and apple crumble in a jar, were triumphs. Lockdown eased, so our weekly pub quiz has been abandoned due to the return of football.

Week of June 15th 2020 - Stepping out

Jeremy is worried: Mummy says she will cream his face everyday. He needs moisturizing because he's playing long and hard, and not getting out much (because of his inherent fear of the virus). He didn't notice when Lorraine became the first person since lockdown to enter our house. Dominic seems tired all the time, and woke up facing the wrong way in bed. He needs to get out too. His parents walked to Tesco to buy 12 small things, and emerged with 28 big things. The shopping was so heavy Daddy had to keep stopping as we walked through Ock Valley. It took two hours there and back. Daddy is pleased Grandma is so keen to keep dancing during the week. He gladly finished our 15th dance aerobics video (consisting of 55 songs, over 103 minutes). Daddy was excited at the prospect of photographing a BLM protest on Abbey Meadow - but it was moved to Abbey Gardens so we didn't see it as we walked to our usual Sunday picnic (French cricket and Mummy's surprising batting skills). Daddy is half way through his Google Garage course. He can't get past level 7 of Word Wipe.

Week of June 8th 2020 - Doesn't know

Jeremy will be seeing Becky every Monday now that the lockdown has been eased, and as the summer holidays have officially begun. But he needs to be careful with pets, a dog made a right mess of his rucksack when they met up this week. Mummy and Daddy have decided to stay with Turpin after Nilmini announced that she has set up her own practice. Mummy's cooking has been non-stop, but sometimes she doesn't even know what's she's making. Jeremy pointed out that she had made a macaroni and cheese. Did I? was her response. She didn't know what to do with the caterpillar she found while washing some Spanish kale (except scream). We boys put it in a jar, so it can pupate into a small cabbage white butterfly. She also doesn't know where she's supposed to sleep: she slept all of one night on the sofa and felt really tired all day. But it didn't stop her dragging everyone for another 45 minute walk to Lower Radley. We lit a candle on June 4.

Week of June 1st 2020 - Sunshine locked down

Jeremy finally went out to meet Becky. It took them half an hour before they broke the social distancing rules. She's happy that The Narrows could be the first Weatherspoons to open in the country. Daddy got his best result for the pub quiz - because there was no music round! Mummy's baking has become quite obsessive as she attempts to stay as busy as possible. Even the weather is getting monotonous during lockdown as Oxfordshire recorded its sunniest May on record. The heat is getting to the locals: Dominic overheard the following confrontation outside our bedroom window: "He hit me first! Your brother is a woman beater". The police intervened. The heat has caused the tomato plant to flower and so we moved the indoor ones outside as well. We forgot the last clap for carers because Mummy wanted to watch an episode of Poirot after Downton (her fascination with the prim and proper 1920-30s is puzzling). We had another picnic in the shade, with Mummy riding Lorraine's bike and the boys throwing a mini Pokemon frisbee about.

Week of May 25th 2020 - Asia dreams

Jeremy has been told that there will be no live lectures when he returns to university. He's concerned about the lack of face time with colleagues, but wont miss the travelling into Wheatley. His second year seems to involve a lot of foundation courses. He had a sudden urge to wake up. He is debating about meeting Becky. Mummy is freaking out at the amount of times she hears police sirens in town. We had to explain that, due to cut backs, Abingdon's three policepeople have to keep reminding our local crims that they are around. She hasn't dreamed about sirens, but she did dream in Korean (gamshabnida) and she talks Chinese in her sleep. Daddy dreamt about telling Dominic not to bring work home, while he was wearing pyjamas in a lift. Mummy has had a bad case of kuchisabishii (eating when your mouth is lonely), and has been feeding us with home-made bagels, scones, ice cream and cinnamon rolls. Daddy posted a garden full of flowers digital painting to Hockney's Spring competition on Instagram and received 17 likes! He's half way to being an influencer - not! He couldn't even influence Mummy about walking to Radley again, even though he was tired after playing cricket with Neil and the boys after our picnic at Rye Farm. Being flashed by an unmarked police car didn't seem to deter her. A sunflower appeared: and was promptly eaten by a slug!

Week of May 18th 2020 - Jeremy's birthday, eight weeks in

The eighth week of lock-down completed, and we think it has gone by very quickly. Jeremy celebrated his birthday with Mummy for the first time in three years. So she made him two chocolate cakes. He got cash from his Grandparents and a colour drawing of a D&D character from Becky. He says he doesn't want to see her, despite the loosening of lockdown conditions. He says it is still too dangerous to go outside. Anyway, he had two exams (dev ops and maths) and a paper on systems to hand in during the week. He struggled a bit with the latter two, but he has officially finished his first year of university. He starts again in September. Daddy wants to be an IG influencer, so he asked Mummy to like his latest post. She said no. "Why? because I don't like it". Fair enough! It's not fair that Daddy had to smoke his last menthol cigarette for a while after depleting his duty free stash. 1,200 smoked at 7.8 a day. As the EU have banned the sale of menthols, he has resorted to smoking blues instead of green. They taste awful! Unlike Daddy's sweet Scrabbling. He scored 219 points against a bot, with a single word (touzle - 5x, 10 on a TW). Minnions are not good a Scrabble, but Dominic was barely able to control his laughter watching their movie. Daddy ventured out to the fish and chip (banana) shop twice during the week, while Mummy continues to walk and bake a lot. We stood with the crowd at the Marketplace to see Roy's hearse drive past. We clapped for him and are still clapping for carers on Thursday at 8pm (straight after Poirot). 

Week of May 11th 2020 - Long walks, long on food, long entry

Jeremy completed the first of his end-of-term exams with ease. He finished the three-hour exam in an hour. The reward for his legerity was longer than usual lie-ins and plenty of D&Ding. He was heard describing allegories and explaining that his sock fell off in bed. He's been building a large cache of credits with Mummy by smooching up to her, and doing as he is told. These credits are then used to allow him to do things that normally Mummy would disapprove of. Cha-ching! So, he managed to avoid walking to Radley to see his grandparents in 24 degree heat. Mummy's hot idea meant that she more than made up for the lack of walking last week. It took us two hours there and back and we covered 5 miles in total. Mummy caught the sun while sitting in the back garden talking. She had secretly cut the front of her hair (with nail scissors) and refused to wear a hat - neither of which didn't help. We all walked to Radley again on Saturday. But Jeremy was allowed to leave early after blowing out the binary-arranged candles on his Co-op chocolate roll birthday cake, cha-ching! The rest of us also caught the bus back.  Dominic revealed that Angela laid off, and Beamery laid off some. Mummy's been baking like crazy, with some triumphant cinnamon rolls, royal scones, more dumplings than you can shake a stick at, and Margherita pizzas for the super full moon. She's also making new recipes: pork chops breaded with paprika crisps and little  meatball cannelloni, using lasagne sheets. Sami's truck is back! So we celebrated with doner wraps. Mummy observed Mother's Day again. Dominic couldn't find a Mother's Day card, so he altered a birthday card (by crossing out birthday and writing Mother instead). To complete the surprise, Daddy tried to sneak some chocolates and sweet cider into the house, but she spotted it! She says she's "lost" without her Korean movie channel, but she's still finding illegal ways to watch her favourites. We've been eating outside in the "patio" (the new name for the yard) as we appreciated the sunshine. Interparcel finally took the boxes away: "I come here three times!" said the grumpy old Polish driver! The web was 10,500 days old on Tuesday. We planted sunflower seeds.

Week of May 4th 2020 - Stayed home

Jeremy finished his maths assignment and is now preparing for his year-end exams which will take place online. He's been playing a lot of D&D, with one session described as a bit of a doozy. He's not sure, but he thinks Becky might be cheating on him in Animal Crossing. She's happy because she's getting paid every week via Weatherspoons for doing nothing. Mummy wasn't happy during the week as the wet weather curtailed her mighty walks. We ate Buddha food (no beef) on his birthday. She made some bread rolls with the last of the precious flour. Trip.com confirmed her new flights on June 4th with KLM via Amsterdam. Grandma's yummy coffee cake delivery was quickly consumed. The Laura Ashley boxes for Cheris turned up, but Interparcel didn't show because the address on the receipt was wrong. Mummy hasn't been 115lbs since 2011. Aunty Nora passed - she caught COVID-19 too. Seeing the ambulances parked outside the many care homes of Ock Street is deeply disturbing (there have been 14 deaths recorded in the middle of our town, because 20% of the population is +75 years old).

Week of April 27th 2020 - Super long walks

Jeremy has been ploughing his way through seven super long maths questions, and using the deadline and the difficulty as an excuse not to leave the house. Mummy says she needs her exercise, and decided to walk a little bit further than normal. After passing the Marina, we walked along Culham Cut and crossed the bridge. Big mistake, because we turned right and ended up walking for miles to the hydro-electric power plant, past the pillbox (FW3/28A), and eventually back to civilization. Only for Daddy to guess another wrong turn and we ended up in Sutton Courtney. Eventually, we arrived home, three hours later, having covered 10+ kms. Just to prove our durability, we did the same walk again to Culham Lock, with Dominic. Only this time, the sensible one helped us complete the task in half the time. During our travels we met: a juvenile cormorant, a flycatcher, reed bunting, a woodpecker and three rabbits. Mummy's been baking hard in the kitchen, trying to burn it down. She managed to set a chopstick on fire, and hit it to put it out. The ash went everywhere. We've been eating outdoors int' yard ahead of the forecast rain. Dominic is keen on nature, when Daddy left a caterpillar in a jar, he said it had escaped. He got a real shock when he found it inside the leaf in the jar. He was equally shocked when he finally beat Angela at Scrabble. Millie/Charlie's grandfather Roy passed - he caught COVID-19 too.

Week of April 20th 2020 - Hungry sheep

Daddy was very depressed by the sight of our empty fridge (we miscalculated our weekly shop, and so we ended up having to eat a no-meat, soup-based, illusion, spaghetti for dinner). He couldn't sleep because of the hunger pangs (and, like Mafalda, he hates soup), so he made a cheese sandwich at 2am. Mummy was in hysterics as Daddy explained that his bones are showing, and that he will probably dream about food (possibly an all-you-can-eat buffet), and might eat his pillow. Despite the lack of food, we still managed three walks during the week. Mummy jumped out of her skin when a sheep she was filming bleated at her. Daddy showed her how to feed one with fresh grass (he thought about eating some himself). Daddy also had to do 19 press-ups at the weekly quiz! We started a family group exercise class. Net result: Daddy lost more ounces.  Jeremy woke up one afternoon and said he felt bad, because he thinks he may have overslept! He says he hasn't shaved in a week. He shaves and talks to himself in the shower, which explains a lot. Mummy, BTW, thinks shaving in the shower is dangerous! Daddy finally got a shot of the elusive corn buntings in Rye Farm Meadow, and now he is after the blackcap that we spotted. He legally gathered more wild flowers after reading the Wildlife Act 1981 very carefully. Aunty Girlie passed away - she caught COVID-19. We were shocked to see ambulances at the Old Gaol - twice. Mummy's flight to Hong Kong has been cancelled, again. 

Week of April 13th 2020 - Captivity activity

We barely celebrated Easter (as usual), but we did hang some eggs as we struggled to think of a daily activity while we're in captivity. As a family we managed a virtual tea time, and another quiz night (Daddy had to do more press ups because he couldn't recognize any of the songs). A couple of captives taking a bird cage for a walk seemed an obvious and symbolic activity, so we walked to the river by a new route. Daddy took Jeremy to Abingdon's Pound Lock the following day and just avoided our two resident policemen who were warning strollers not to walk in the sunshine. On the way back, it rained (on us: no one else). Dominic took advantage of the Easter break and bashed away at Stash (600+ lines of source code at +200kb) and he took time to pose with our ukulele - Picasso style.  He also backed-up Daddy's hard drives after the mirror drives disappeared while backing up Mummy's iPhone.  He also had to correct a software update that messed up the Linux on his laptop. Mummy's bread and noodle making is improving all the time. Daddy decided to arrest the slide in his weight by partaking of lunch each day. He gained a pound in a week (156lb or 11st 2lbs). Mummy regained the pound she lost last week. Daddy called Andrew, only to be scolded for doing so a day late. He has put on four pounds! UPS redeemed themselves by finally delivering the face masks: the apologetic email was no compensation. 

Week of April 6th 2020 - Press ups and more walks

Another isolated week started with Lorraine losing her wallet (it was under the table). We ventured out for walks: to the weir (where Daddy taped our resident kingfisher, and finally snapped the cormorant), and along the river for 4kms to the railway bridge (where Daddy picked some spring flowers). Daddy had to dodge the police when picking up provisions from Grandma, Dominic was amazed that no one took any notice of the one-way system in Tesco. He helped to launch well. We tried a virtual quiz with the siblings: Daddy had to do press ups because we lost. Mummy's horse refused at the third fence of the virtual Grand National (typically stubborn). Daddy's horse came second within our group, but he still had to do more press ups because Mummy needs more practice. Result: Daddy lost ounces, but Mummy lost a pound! Mummy is baking like crazy (no knead bread, Nutella cake etc) which meant that Daddy had to exhaust his repertoire by making dinner three days in a row. Jeremy says he lost his double chin, and the reason Mummy is getting so many likes for her selfies is because he's such a good-looking boy. When asked if he will get out of bed? he replied: eventually. He has maintained his record of staying indoors since March 18th. He admitted that he spent over 13 hours playing D&D during the week. Mummy interrupted her meditation to tell Daddy to do the laundry. Daddy dreamed about a ninth floor that didn't exist, and being served green wine by Trump! UPS failed completely (the masks are on their way back). 17 & 52 Lotto numbers.

Week of March 30th 2020 - Isolation

Our first week in self-isolation, and time has almost come to a standstill (the clocks went forward to confuse the issue further). Jeremy has been the most disciplined and has not ventured out of the front door for a whole week (even when clapping for the NHS). He announced that he got an A in his Maths module (32/40), and he is receiving assignments from his lecturers. In between, he is playing D&D really hard with Phillip. Dominic has been stuck in a bedroom most weekdays, attending virtual meetings. His only time outdoors was a walk to Tesco. He and Daddy queued with 30 shoppers outside in a gale, only to be told one of us could not enter. The walk back was treacherous, as we walked  upwind. We managed to get everything we needed,  except flour - which appears to be in short supply, everywhere (thus scuppering Mummy's bread-making ambitions). Mummy and Daddy went for a long walk in the mid-week sunshine, and were trolled by the elusive, resident, cormorant. Mummy has been keeping herself busy making rainbows for the window and jail-yard walking videos. She's been baking cookies and reinventing classic dishes to reflect the food shortages (cauliflower instead of mash for a shepherd's pie and meatball lasagne). She's been underestimating portions at dinner, which means Daddy has been waking up hungry. What looked like a lot of potatoes was actually only one. Daddy is down to 155lbs (back to 2009 levels). Air France kindly refrained from charging Mummy for her rearranged return flight on May 4th. But UPS failed to deliver the face masks. Daddy walked to Londis to pick up the parcel, only to be told that the import tax hadn't been paid (it had). UPS sent an apology email, but still failed to deliver. The COVID-19 group on Whatsapp has been super busy. Dominic backed-up Daddy's drives. Mummy's into classical music. As usual, we turned off the lights for Earth Hour.

Week of March 23rd 2020 - Precious food and walkies

Jeremy doesn't have to go to lectures at uni until after Easter as Brookes (like everywhere else) has shut-up shop. The whole week has been dominated by food (or the lack of it) as the virus scare deepened. We persuaded a semi-reluctant Dominic to return to Abingdon before London is locked-down. He can work from home anywhere. All nearby supermarket shelves have been empty of eggs, bread, vegetables, loo paper, and tin foods all week. But Dominic's trip to out-of-town Tesco was a triumph: as he managed to find some bread. Air France has cancelled both of Mummy's flights back to Hong Kong. As she wants to wait an see the situation there, so she will stay another month. The order to close all pubs and restaurants has failed to reduce foot traffic outdoors. No one is wearing a face mask or practicing social distancing, so we don't know if we should buck the trend and wear one of the masks that Caroline sent a week ago: if they eventually arrive via UPS (import tax was Stg20, while the courier cost was Stg30). We are feeling slightly guilty about the masks, hoarding food, and going for walks. As a viral distraction, Lorraine took us to Dry Sandford Pit to visit nature, get some sun, and dig for fossils. Daddy scared himself by popping a crisp packet, during the picnic lunch, really loudly. The two mile walk was not enough of a challenge, so we walked 5 miles around the Berkshire Loop near Henley two days later. Saw deer, and pheasants, and lots more walkers. Grandparents arrived safely on Sunday. Mummy drank the canned G&T the boys bought her for Mothering Sunday at a sensible pace. Daddy has lost 3lbs to 156lbs (since Dominic left home or since Mummy arrived, he can't decide which). Jeremy was disappointed with his first online D&D session, because Philip seems to have forgotten the rules. Daddy's long, very vivid, dream about queuing in McDonald's was definitely about the food shortage. We have decided to grow our own food: four tomato plants and a new avocado plant.

Week of March 16th 2020 - Hotpot walk

Jeremy went to lectures as normal, despite the clamour to cancel school because of the confirmed case of the virus at Brookes. He formally celebrated his one year anniversary with Becky at a Wetherspoon. She dressed up in green, with matching green lipstick. Mummy and Daddy finally got to venture outside with a visit to Dorchester on Friday the 13th. Daddy made Lorraine and Mummy abseil across a three foot puddle of water as part of the two mile walk around Dyke Hills and the River Thame. We drank artisan coffee at Fleur de Lys (with a 5p discount). The last time Becky stayed over, Mummy invited her to have hotpot on Pi Day. She turned up with a sheepish Jeremy and thought Daddy's idea of drinking Becks with the food was amusing. She did really well with her chopsticks, only dropping her food twice. Mummy nearly fainted when Becky gave Jeremy a kiss on the cheek at the table. We adults left them to their devices and went for a drink afterwards. Mummy wanted to walk along somewhere safe, and to a pub that was not rough, and not too crowded. On the way down deserted Ock Street, Daddy persuaded her to have a gin and tonic (her suggestions of a scotch or a glass of port were not appropriate). We were surprised to find that G&T is a White Horse specialty. Dominic was shocked to find that the sign on the door said that if you don't feel safe, you should talk to Angela. He was about to call her because Mummy drank her booze too quickly (again). Jeremy's weight hovered between 123-130lbs during the week. It is possible he may have been carrying a dumbbell for the latter reading! Mummy noticed a love bite on Jeremy's neck and revealed that in Cantonese it is called a ga lei gai (curry chicken). No one knows why! The tomato seeds peeped their heads above the soil, exactly a week after they were planted by Dominic. He says he felt lonely but safe travelling to and from London with no-one else on all three buses. Grandma turned all poetic (tea, D, me: Martini, TV)! Mummy can't stop making dumplings with the contraptions Grandma bought Dominic for Xmas. She is starting to look like one at 120lbs.

Week of March 9th 2020 - Adjusting heat

Mummy slowly adjusted her jet lag - because she's here for so long and there's no time pressure. Meandering muddy walks didn't seem to help - but Daddy's happy because he got to see the same kingfisher at Abingdon Bridge that he met last year. The flooding of the path leading to Tesco was a down to earth shock. Mummy is impressed with the hot chocolate at Annie's. Mummy's irregular sleeping had an impact on Daddy, with regular afternoon naps when it rains and odd eating patterns. We had Chinese food at Lorraine's for the March birthday children. Fortunately, Pandora online didn't want to co-operate, so we bought girly presents from Superdrug instead. Jeremy and Becky celebrated their one year anniversary with a hot romantic dinner at....McDonald's. Mummy's daily temperature check's have confirmed she does not have the virus. Jeremy's medically daft because he managed to cut his lip doing press-ups, but Mummy says he's wider now, because he's lifting weights in between his Maths and programming assignments. 

Week of March 2nd 2020 - Mummy home

Mummy couldn't stand sitting around self-isolated in Sha Tin with her grumpy mother anymore, so she booked a cheap KLM flight to Heathrow (via Amsterdam) on Friday and flew the next day. The Dutch leg was empty, so she had plenty of room to relax. The second leg was super quick, with the time taken up by a conversation with a gweilo. The flight arrived 20 minutes early, which meant Daddy was still on the bus when she called to say that immigration wanted to talk to him. The Indian, Border Control, lady was very polite and asked easy-to-answer questions (how long, two children, what work etc). Mummy was allowed through with a warning that the permanent visa application had better be cleared, or else. We caught buses home (the Oxford coach driver was very amusing with his sexy, breathy, stop calling). A slight delay at Oxford was enough time for some inebriated guy to cadge a fag from Daddy. We were in bed by 1am, but Mummy was awake again at 3am. She managed to wake up at 4am the next day - but her jet lag is bad. We will do everyone a favour by self-isolating for at least a week of her month long stay (temperature checks everyday show no signs of the virus/fever). Jeremy thought he was doing Daddy a favour by buying a McDonald's meal in Oxford and carrying it home. The spilled drink was compensated by the large portions of fries. He's up to 129lbs now. He went for an eye test at Specsavers. A very rude man checked him in. His eyesight has deteriorated significantly since he stopped wearing his hard lenses (-1.75 to -2.50 (l) and -3.00 (r)). They tried to charge him for the test, but he stood his ground and they gave him the required voucher. He has taken to plucking his facial hair, because Daddy forgot to buy new razors. He insists he does not have hairy knees. He broke the news to Mummy that he has been dating a clean-shaven girl by the name of Ms. Rebecca (Becky) Cooke of Drayton for nearly a year. She was happy with the news, no at all upset that he didn't tell her, and thinks she is "quite pretty". Ugly Daddy shook hands with Mr. John Dawson of Abingdon, our new, tiresome, upstairs neighbour. He introduced himself by stating his full name - weird! Daddy has been very sleep-deprived since Mummy arrived. He went to Co-op, did his shop, only to find he had forgotten his wallet, he then went to Waitrose and forgot his wallet again! Daddy made a coffee, only for the liquid to squirt, though a tiny hole, out of the side of the Villeroy and Boch mug. Daddy's bad back is back. Diane's gran passed. No response from Andrew. 

Week of February 24th 2020 - Six hours

Jeremy returned home from school on Monday feeling down in the dumps because his D&D game was cancelled because not enough players turned up. He was also off his dinner because he bit his lip at breakfast. The following evening was a little better as he had a friend stay over to cheer him up. Mummy had a fit of hysteria when Daddy broke the news that Lorraine's new DNA test showed that Daddy is part Filipino. Daddy then spent six hours in a car with Granddad, explaining what this new information might mean. We drove to London in a slight drizzle and delivered clothes/bedding etc to Dominic's lovely new flat in Walker House, Clapham. A terrible burger/coffee and a power cut at a local drive-thru McDonald's were the only disappointments. Jeremy's friend stayed over again, to make sure he remained in high spirits. Jeremy has been sustaining his record body weight by eating 90+ mini-Easter eggs (and not sharing). The waffle chicken burger at the renovated King's Head and the hot chocolate with all the trimmings at Annie's were culinary triumphs. We are applying for a bursary to reduce Jeremy's school fees.

Week of February 17th 2020 - Passing storms

Despite damaging Storm Dennis (it blew tiles off Grandparent's roof) Dominic returned home on Friday earlier than usual, because his time was up at the Shoreditch BnB. He's found another one in Tower Hamlets, ahead of his off-again, on-again move to Clapham. Jeremy felt the affects of Storm Ciara, because a felled tree meant a major delay into uni on Monday. Despite fretting about being late, J and 10 others arrived at lecture, only to remember it had been cancelled. When someone stays for a while at our flat, it is customary to take a Polaroid of them. Jeremy went for a meal at the Crown (he had the swordfish), and actually wore a shirt and jumper. He was rewarded with a massive card and a personal drawing. He was taught a major life lesson: when a woman says something: she means the opposite. In his despair, we believe he ate 90+ mini-chocolate eggs over three days. This explains why he's still 127lbs. Mummy bought us funky T shirts from Stanley Market as she takes time off from work, and, like everyone else, waits for the virus to pass. 

Week of February 10th 2020 - Flat found

Dominic has finally found a flat. It's in Clapham - home to some half-slim girls (shoobedoobedoo!). South of the river is more gentrified and: it's within his price range, newly decorated and only half an hour from work by train. Jeremy revealed his grades from his first term at university. He got A+ in foundation and another A+ in programming, but he got a B+ in networking (because the group let him down!). In celebration (?) his colleague 3D printed a B+ for him. Jeremy hit 127lbs during the week (he's concerned his BMI is starting to move beyond normal). The weight gain may have something to do with the increase in takeaways  recently (which may worsen as Deliveroo are coming to town next month). We were woken at 7.32am because the whole house was shaking. We later discovered that the vibrations were caused by the shock wave from the demolition of the last tower at Didcot power station. Jeremy passed through said town on his way to Farnham in Surrey with a friend who is interested in attending the Creative Arts University there. They bumped in Millie on the bus, and because they left so early, he stayed overnight in Drayton - meaning Thursday morning was the first time Daddy woke up in the house alone. Daddy was hardly a nervous wreck, he only smoked five cigarettes on Sunday as the storm restricted visits outside, and has kept his tally to 7-8 a day.

Week of February 3rd 2020 - Back to school

Jeremy's first week back at school was disruptive but also quite productive - maths lessons were a highlight - although he was the only person to turn up for the practical class. Dominic's flat hunting was completely unfruitful, with the place he viewed in Holloway really resembling a prison. He continues his search and won't come home next weekend. In the meantime, he's moved to a hippy AirBnB among the bright lights of Shoreditch. Daddy was belatedly invited to watch sports with Granddad (3-0 to the famous team), while the boys played mahjong (Jeremy trounced them with his one pound ten pence winnings) with Grandma. Even Mummy is under the impression that Daddy can't play. She asked Daddy to search for face-masks as the virus situation in Asia worsened. There was no stock in Boots or Superdrug, and he even had to endure standing next to a young man as he drank his methadone at Jhoots. We were harassed all week by a scam caller from Bangladesh, pretending to be from BT, who, on his forth unsuccessful attempt to scam us, swore violently at Daddy. We ignored Brexit day, but got quite excited on palindrome day (0202 2020)! Daddy started a new Moleskine, with the woman at Prices seemingly quite amazed that he has kept a daily diary for all these (10) years.

Week of January 27th 2020 - Sneeze disease

Dominic returned home again, but not before viewing a flat on Albion Drive (close to Hoxton). It was filthy. Daddy was woken up at 6am by someone sneezing in the bedroom. The message on his phone from Jeremy solved the mystery. At midday, he was privileged enough to meet Jeremy's best friend again (see below). He even made breakfast for the two of them. Jeremy went to watch Weathering with you (with Thomas) and 1917 (with his school pals). They don't start classes until next week, and he seems to be looking forward to the maths seminars, and the fact he has discovered there is an Easter break, and his first year of university ends in May. We celebrated Chinese New Year (King Kong Fat Boy!) as usual: decorations, lai see, and a Chinese takeaway. We also had a family gathering at the Dancing Dragon. Mummy, along with everyone else in Hong Kong, stayed at home to avoid the Wuhan disease. Daddy's trip to Turpin was thwarted by wonky traffic lights at a roadworks. He had a dream about a black and red bird, with a long, curved beak. He only smoked 56 cigarettes during the week (a 20% reduction). 

Week of January 20th 2020 - Returned home

Dominic came home for the weekend. He has a window seat at his new office and there's a cool coffee machine. He cooked for us and had his laundry done. We belatedly celebrated David's engagement to Claire at Mum's place. Daddy has cut down on his smoking because the weather has been so rainy/cold. He might make a habit of it. The builder in a t-shirt at Sami's was lying when he said he wasn't cold - it was sub-zero. Daddy had to have a hair-cut, and left the salon looking like a badger and feeling even colder. Mummy went to balmy Macau before meeting up for a long mahjong session. Jeremy discovered that he knows Gabriel, the drummer of Abingdon's/UK's hottest new band (according to NME), Lacuna Common, because he and Millie went to Larkmead with him. He introduced Daddy to his better friend as he waited outside the front door for him to return from McDonald's. 

Week of January 13th 2020 - Dominic to Beamery

We can now reveal why Dominic has been so busy travelling to London recently - he's landed a new job as Technical Lead of Team Rocket at a recruitment software company, part-owned by Microsoft, called Beamery. They are located in Moorgate. He will stay at a BnB in Golders Green until he settles down at his very high-paying job. Daddy travelled to the BnB and helped him unpack and settle in. It's a major career move for Dominic, so it will be worth the sacrifices he is willing to make. His Mummy is naturally very proud that her boy is earning so much, so young (we celebrated his 29th at Grandma's). Daddy returned home from London without a key, and Jeremy was at McD's. Dying for a ciggy and a pee, he was rewarded for his patience with a handshake from B (who seemed genuinely pleased to meet Daddy). Daddy almost got caught by a cold caller pretending to be from Amazon. Watching Witcher. Dominic is still coughing, but its wetter now.

Week of January 6th 2020 - Cut the Jacks!

Jeremy couldn't stand his floppy hair any longer (despite a close admirer), so he got Hannah to cut most of it off. His cough finally abated, but Dominic's has persisted, even though he has consumed all kinds of potions. Daddy decided to imbibe too much of a particularly potent potion on New Year's Eve. It was not a cup of kindness at all, because after finishing a fifth of Jacks, he swears he can't remember anything that happened staring from just before midnight (apparently he sang Auld Lang Syne very loud, tried to light a sparkler that had already burnt out, and flaked out). Overeating meant he ejected something on to the lawn that apparently smelled of paprika. He woke up still tipsy and feeling quite under the weather, but we still went to our annual Richardson's gathering at the Kings Arms in Sandford. Dominic travelled to London to play Civ and eat pizza with Lou Lou and some Univers Labs boys. He's been cooking like crazy (sausage rolls, apple crumble), and eating electricity in the process. Mummy went to noisy Irene's for New Year, but for most of HK, New Year (like Christmas) was cancelled.

Week of December 30th 2019 - All's well

We've all, at some point in the week, had to put up with the lurgy. Daddy got off lightest, because he has no lungs. But the boys have found it difficult to shake it off - despite the best efforts of Grandma with her deliveries of poultry-flavoured liquids. Fortunately, we have all been free of encumbrances such as work or school, so there has been plenty of rest-taking (average waking up time has been 10am). Christmas Eve at Andy's was dominated by Daddy's unexplainable decision to leave his phone behind, and the building of a complicated toy car. Grandma donated a lot of money to St Helen's church and said a pray rather than attend mass. Christmas presents included: an iPhone case for Daddy (that he couldn't replace!), phone repair equipment,  a camera bag that's too big, a wi-fi router that works, and some sweaters for the boys. Christmas lunch at Grandma's was amazingly delicious as usual. We got lots of smellies, a peacoat, pie cutters, a ciggie holder, and Daddy was given a massive, ugly gnome. Illness meant we couldn't see the family at Lorraine's on Boxing Day. Mummy went to Uncle Peter's on the same day and met his younger brother (Alan Wicker look-a-like). Jeremy returned home from a late-night party soaking wet from the waist down after someone spilled alcohol on him. Fortunately he wasn't wearing his new gloves and scarf. We had a cheeky (but very slow) Nando's before watching the last Star Wars movie. (4/10). Daddy dreamed about professional cyclists successfully climbing a steep grassy hill with their bicycles on their shoulders (a sign that although events ahead may be difficult, they can be overcome).

Week of December 23rd 2019 - Pre-Christmas adjectives

Restless Jeremy spent most of the week catching up (at breakfast in The Narrows) and playing D&D (with a little help from an off-again: on-again friend). Festive Dominic went to another Christmas party, this time playing crazy golf in Jericho. All our Christmas presents arrived thanks to the amazing Amazon pipeline. Our fifth Christmas carols shows that practice makes perfect. Imperfect Nilmini sent an urgent request to the clearance officer to review Mummy's visa application with the new financial information he asked for. No response. Disappointed Mummy went back to Macau again for her staff Christmas party. She took por por for a haircut, but she was embarrassed by her - because she talks too much. A man at a bus stop asked Mummy if she was ill, the next day she was and had to take a day off work to eat her colourful tablets. Sleepy Dominic fell asleep on the bus and missed his stop, so he had to walk back down Ock Street. It rained all week.

Week of December 16th 2019 -  Rejected home

We went to the VfS Office in North Point early and in high spirits. Received the envelope and opened to find Mummy's passport did not have a visa in it. We read the letter explaining that the application had been rejected because, as Daddy is related to his sister, she must provide financial information about DHO. A technical omission that our lawyer later admitted was her mistake. Heartbroken, we messaged Nilmini, who suggested we reapply. Daddy's swollen eyelid subsided. He did a Christmas photo shoot at Marina Cove as everyone tried to help lift the gloom. Daddy booked a flight home with an overweight suitcase. He had to remove 2kg of photos and put them in his backpack. He arrived at Heathrow T2 where Grandad was kindly waiting at 9am. Daddy got a funny look and a double check of his passport at immigration. The journey, via smoke-free, -6 degrees, Beijing Airport, was smooth. Daddy got to sleep across two seats. He experienced no jet lag on both legs of his trip, but had to endure a slew of emotions with Mummy: Love when meeting Mummy at BP, pure joy at reading the VfS email in Macau, but utter despair when it was rejected. Dominic couldn't reject attending a posh, circus themed, Christmas party in London. He helped Angela build a PC remotely. Jeremy has finished his first semester at university, and doesn't return until January 20th. He's been busy meeting returning friends (beardy Philip etc). Grandad kindly helped us buy a four pound Christmas tree from B&Q, which Jeremy decorated with his usual enthusiasm. Daddy 160lbs, Jeremy 119.7lb, Dominic 118.4lbs.

Week of December 9th 2019 - Approved in Macau

Dionne from the Home Office called Daddy. Half an hour call went well, until the last keystone question about Lorraine. Mummy ate geoduck at Kim's birthday. A KFC was the 2nd worse meal of Daddy's trip after Doreen's. First of three walks to Circle K at TKO hospital. 119 steps uphill. Miss Marina's Macanese patua verses, including one Grandma used to sing to her children (jor lay jor lay, capeca doi etc). Mummy fell over in the street, probably because she has taken to not wearing any eyesight corrective equipment. Met Mummy at McDs at Shun Tak to find Tommy getting his pink slip. Travelled to photogenic Macau by ferry (always sit on the right). Shuttle bus to Lisboa. Mummy to New Yaohan to work, Daddy walked 25k steps to the fort and old town, overhearing some old chaps speaking patua. Opened an email from VfS waiting for Mummy, assumed it meant the visa was approved. Met Mummy with Angel on 5th floor and told her the news. Met Winky at 21 Sky for fancy food, wine and the view. Mummy cheated at table football. Hotel Jai Alai room 321 was new and clean with a very large empty area (there was some traffic noise). Spent Sunday happily walking the old town of Macau. After breakfast on table 9 in a cafe called Gau siu (Mr 9), we asked hotel reception for directions to the bus stop for Lilau Square. He sent us over a major road. After missing a 28b, we finally caught our first bus in Macau (all bus rides cost HK$6). Only to notice it went back to the front of the hotel. Daddy exclaimed Santa Maria at the error, only for someone to be heard giggling at his poor Hispanic behind him. Visited Mandarin's House. Bought tiny Mao mug and tinned chorizo from a very rare, local shop. Caught the bridge bus back to Hong Kong (which, in the dark, is not very scenic). 

Week of December 2nd 2019 - They never call - twice

The Home Office called Abingdon (despite advice that "They never call"). Dominic told them to email him back for a contact number in Hong Kong. The woman didn't. We assumed she would try again on 15th. Daddy considered returning home and waiting there. Nilmini sent a letter after two auto-replies from the HO's enquiry page (5 pounds for nothing). Daddy sort of helped make Thanksgiving turkey dinner. Mummy orders Shearaton to Put it back! so she can take a photo of Fa's cupcakes. We had dinner with happy couple Bobo and San at a very popular Taiwanese restaurant that served tendon with everything. Dinner at Clearwater Bay Club, with a 1997 Barbaresco wine swirling Herbert. Drove one-way up Kowloon Peak with Paul to see a murky landscape. Meet Andy and por por for two dinners (HK Day/McDs). The boys said that Abingdon's Christmas lights switch on was an underwhelming affair, hosted by someone from Gavin & Stacey.

Week of November 25th 2019 - Black shirts

Daddy exactly met Uncle R coming off the MTR in Hang Hau. He lost his wallet immediately afterwards. Miss Marina's hotpot birthday. Daddy reluctantly accepted some Class C pills. The Home Office called Driver Hire (despite Nilmini assuring us that they never call). Met Rodney for lunch. Dinner with devout Catholic Doreen, who showed off her Mary chapel. Daddy said grace on the first of three occasions.  The 10 year Barolo was still too young and tannin to drink. Shearaton used sweet James to fix his broken iPhone screen, only for him to have to find him again when he dropped it in a bucket of bleach at the gym. But sweet James was of no use when Shearaton eventually lost the phone - all this in the space of six days. Mummy and Daddy went to an unrecognizable Lok Fu for dinner. On the bus back, a black shirt vomited. Two black shirts immediately passed him tissues, and one went to his large bag and gave him two grey coloured pills to take. Met Becky at Sai Kung for bolo bau and some general hanging around. Had hotpot at Caroline's with a loud and stir crazy Anson the trumpter. We visited the beach again. 

Week of November 18th 2019 - Gassed

Daddy went to Central to photograph a protest, and got interrogated and gassed for his troubles. In Kwun Tong, the police twice asked what Daddy was doing as they were questioning suspects (do you know this man? you are blocking the way). In Central a black masked person (who may have been an organizer) asked if Daddy was a journalist, Daddy replied yes, and the protester asked for credentials. Daddy said he was a freelance photojournalist and he believe him. A little woman with a loud voice explained what was going on. The police then warned and then fired tear gas where Daddy was photographing. After recovering from the slight discomfort to the eyes, Daddy lit a ciggy. There were plenty of people around with water and saline for teary eyes. The protests spread to TKO where the minibus driver refused to leave, and when Mummy and Daddy tried to catch a taxi, a group of black shirts ran past us before trashing Popcorn. Transport for Mummy was difficult during the week because the unrest. Daddy watched it all live on channel 331. We still managed to meet Nicole for an expensive dinner. Mummy worked from home and so we had time to go the local beach. Met Leung Goo Leung at her son's restaurant in Hang Hau Village. Everything seemed normal, as flowing beer was consumed. MJ at Richard's, with Daddy bringing his own food faux pas. Daddy went to PolyU to photo the barricades at the tunnel etc. He talked with a Swede and climbed some stairs to join the journalists who were recording the synchronized movements of the police and protesters below. After the tear gas and water cannon retreated, Daddy went down to the front line for some closer shots and to hear the protesters' demands. The rum Daddy bought for Bonnie was horrid. Jeremy travelled to Bristol by train with a friend who's interested in studying illustration. Dominic threw a beamer.

Week of November 11th 2019 - Abandoned again

We moved to Irene's place. First of four times Daddy voluntarily shared a cab to Hang Hau with a complete stranger. Mummy left for Korea for three days. David announces engagement to Claire. Unrest accelerates after a student fell off a car park and another was shot. First of five times Daddy had minchi for dinner. Daddy visited temple in Tsuen Wan. We were the last to enter (thus avoiding another 30 minute wait in the queue), a woman sprayed water on us with leaves, we were given fruit, we walked around the temple three times, led by some very old chanting Buddhist nuns, we had to bang a drum each time we passed it. Bacon at Fusion cost HK$83 (for a maid that's a sackable offense). Daddy had to drink gallons of water to stave off dehydration. 

Week of November 4th 2019 - Arrived in HK

Daddy left the house bound for Hong Kong at 5pm, and arrived at T5 at Heathrow at 7.10 pm for the transfer bus to T4. The China Eastern flight to Shanghai was not full, according to a despondent air stewardess, so Daddy ended up with three seats and slept comfortably. Transferred to T1 at Pudong, and found their outdoor smoking area at Gate 216. The flight to Hong Kong is always delayed, and so it turned out. Waited at Coffee and Cates. Daddy thought he had turned off data roaming, but hadn't and paid the price. Daddy smuggled 200 ciggies into Hong Kong, and caught a taxi to BP Hotel in Jordan. Mummy opened the door to 1935 and noted that Daddy smelled of aircraft. Daddy met Lorraine at their hotel in Tseung Kwan O, and were still talking about Mummy's karaoke performance. Went to Vibe Cafe and Thomas bought a shirt in SOGO he didn't wear. Dinner with por por, after a delivery driver said pung yau to Daddy, only to scoot off after realizing Daddy is not Chinese. Went to Marina Cove to set up the videos for Daddy's speech, and then to dinner at Peter Cook's. Daddy had to walk to Canton Road to get a cable for his iPhone. Went to Mr Red for karaoke. Got dressed and walked to Rosary Church for parent's 60th wedding anniversary service conducted by an Indian priest and singing by Sr. Mary Peter. Daddy's speech at the Marina Cove reception went well (Grandad was suitably emotional with Jess' video etc), the card from the Queen was a surprise for most, the conga line Daddy initiated was even better. Met David and Claire in Shatin for dim sum and wedding photos. We didn't know they had been bargaining for rings earlier. Korean dinner and a walk to Temple Street (ducks and chickens galore and Claire's HK$20 bargaining strategy) and scary Chungking Mansion. At the end of a hot walk through the market we went to 7-11 to buy a drink. Daddy reached for a Coke, but Mummy barked at him to Put it back! which he promptly did.

Week of October 28th 2019 - Now we wait

Mummy returned from Bangkok, fully loaded. She went to the VFS office in North Point and had her biometrics taken in 15 minutes. They retained  her HK passport, so she has to change her ticket to Korea. Turpin finally managed to upload the visa documents, so now we have to wait for the Entrance Officer in Sheffield to get on his/her bike and make a decision. Daddy booked his ticket to Hong Kong for the parents' wedding anniversary. Mummy booked a hotel so we can have some privacy from por por. Mummy asked if Daddy preferred two single beds or a double! She has five long dresses, but she has no clothes. Jeremy is touchy about applying plasters to cuts, but likes Tuesdays and having dinner in The Narrows. Our cheeky toad returned as he continued to look for a good place to hibernate. Beales callers wanted a drier fixed and donations for the Royal Legion. England beat the All Blacks! Forest's match was postponed because of a waterlogged pitch. It rained a lot. Daddy picked up the anniversary card from Buckingham Palace with Charlie, and managed to arrange Mya's hair straighteners and fake tan from Boots just before it closed.

Week of October 21st 2019 - Slow Bangkok

Progress on Mummy's visa remained slow, with VFS/Turpin having upload computer issues. But that didn't stop Mummy heading over to Bangkok for a spot of shopping and eating with Kim and Wendy et al. Daddy turned currency trader trying to get the best HKD rates (HK$9.39 was not that great). He is convinced he's invisible as the young man who walked past him failed to notice his frantic arm waving. Dominic's newest batch of sausage rolls didn't explode ahead of Charlie's birthday lunch, following Grandma's advice. He might try flambe fritters after Grandma's impressive attempt. He's having another go at solving Stash, and copied a one line code for a virus into Bash just for kicks (even though the article warned against doing so).

Week of October 14th 2019 - VFS failed at the Fair

Daddy made major and final corrections to Mummy's visa application form and Turpin was supposed to send it and the supporting documents to a VFS (the government has outsourced the whole biometrics process). Unfortunately, (and not surprisingly) their website was down: so we will have to wait.  Jeremy was also put out because the arrival of our 4th Abingdon Fair meant he had to walk out of town to his bus to school. He's looking forward to another six months and going to Vance on Cowley Road for a free haircut, and celebrated with an another all-nighter. Jeremy has decided that Dominic's laptop should be called Shirley. This sudden bout of name-calling may have contributed to her owner's conjunctivitis and sniffy nose. However, these afflictions didn't stop him making a trial batch of explosive sausage rolls. We were conned at the Fair because a sign saying bratwurst turned out to be hot dogs. We eventually found some real bratties, with senf and mayo chips. Yummy!

Week of October 7th 2019 - Xander's pants

Jeremy got 9 out of 9 in his first three little (fun) tests at university (calculate Easter, leap years etc). He had to avoid more vomiting, this time near the Boundary House. He returned Xander's pants on a six month anniversary. Daddy was busy preparing Mummy's visa information and got into a conversation with a local about a cancelled wedding to a Thai girlfriend because he can't earn enough to apply for a visa for her. Daddy dreamed about blood seeping from a white wall and floor and, the end of a young Jeremy's right index finger fell off, but could be reattached. Dominic was told by a robotic Londoner that he was biologically too young. His chicken anchovy was a culinary volcano of flavours. Mummy could see rioting and smell tear gas from her balcony as protesters surrounded Shatin police station. It's getting closer. Daddy and Dominic had small sniffles. Jeremy is no longer underweight.

Week of September 30th 2019 - Sick DM

Jeremy got to his first lecture at about the 9am appointed time, and sat through five hours of boring lessons (basic Python). Overall it was not a good start: it was raining, commuting was stuffy, and he still had his freshers flu. He finally managed to get his BrookesKey (bus pass and student discount card). He was nominated a Dungeon Master at Brookes' The Guild (its table top game society), and will lead a group of eight players (split evenly boys and girls). His Friday lecture (basic binary) was much better, but later that evening one of the girls he was drinking with threw up on him - too much Becks! They were kicked out of the club they were at and her parents had to drive them home. He arrived back the next day in someone else's clothes and a bag of messed up jeans. Daddy was busy preparing the documents for Mummy's visa. She is clear of TB, but the A1 test result was sent to her letterbox, which she couldn't open because por por has the key. Daddy locked himself out of his bank account. Dominic made stuffed aubergines and moussaka! Both were tasty first attempts. We ate dan tart, char siu bau and a very late mooncake.

Week of September 23rd 2019 - Fresh Forest

Jeremy and Daddy went to Brookes to pick up his student ID. We arrived at 5.30pm only to be told he couldn't collect it because the queue was too long. Watching the disturbed girl in Blackwell's reciting Beatrix Potter compounded our misery. We had McDonalds with Dominic and went home deflated. We went to a sunny Brookes again, to take photos of his card, which he picked up the day before - after a 1.5 hour wait, after ignoring the loon in a string vest who complained that the bus windows were closed. Greek Manos has changed a lot. Hardys is definitely closed, and Primark only had one of Daddy's shoes. Daddy had dreams about an ATM that wasn't there, and a Canadian wood but with Angela there. On short notice Daddy went (with 29k others) to watch Forest beat Barnsley after a three hour drive (which included a stop for scampi at Leicester Forest and a meet up with Harrison). Andy got so excited when Forest scored (the only goal) he slapped Daddy really hard, several times! The noise was just as horrendous. Daddy was told off twice at the ground: can't go out to smoke and can't take photos (copyright). Yet the jobsworths didn't even bother to clear up the vomit at the bar at half time. David's cheese game in the evening was very silly.  Jeremy has freshers flu. Mummy is learning kung fu from an ex- Shaolin monk, just so she can beat Daddy up even better.

Week of September 16th 2019 - Bank fail, A1 pass

Jeremy went to HSBC to open a student bank account. Failed - because he doesn't have proof of address. He can't switch from Santander - because its not a current account. He had to cut short a visit to Narrows for a pint of Becks because of a water leak. He got home at 3am after another night of gaming. Mummy is confident she has passed her A1 English exam. She was paired with a Filipino. They talked about going to the park and the market and a blue fridge in a kitchen. Daddy was abandoned on Mid-Autumn Festival day as both boys were out drinking. BT says we have a supercharged copper line for our internet connection, so we should get 75 mbps instead of the current 30 mbps. Laugh. Dominic finally admitted he lost Daddy's favourite Nike hat in Vietnam when his rucksack broke. Tea at Annie's in the sunshine. Daddy had a dream about finding a toy marked 2143. It was from the future. England draw the Ashes. County/Forest won.

Week of September 9th 2019 - Postcards from somewhere

Dominic recovered from his jet lag really quickly by cooking ferociously (pull chicken, beef stew and jambalaya). His postcard from Angela was a surprise. Daddy insisted on looking at all 900+ photos he took during his trip to the Golden Triangle (?). In return, he let him pick up his film photos from Happy Snaps. Opening the back of the camera added an interesting, eerie, effect. Jeremy received an echo postcard from Brookes - so described because it said exactly the same as a previous email. Daddy put a carton of orange juice in a cupboard instead of the fridge. It took ages to find it. Had to pay the estate agent fee because we are renewing. A sunflower bloomed. Lost the Ashes.

Week of September 2nd 2019 - Chef's back!

Dominic returned from Indo-China via Singapore, with an all-over tan, no souvenirs, and an elephant T-shirt. He got through Heathrow (touch down to bus) in one hour and 10 minutes - some sort of record. Daddy excitedly met him at Gloucester Green with Granddad. He cooked all weekend (plum and pear crumbles), but didn't use the Kampot pepper he bought as a gift for Grandma. Jeremy finally made some homemade burgers, which consisted of nothing but mince. He came back steaming drunk from a party, speaking in dragon tongue and Cantonese. He took two panadol the next morning and went for a picnic. Daddy bravely explained to his disappointed brother why he shouldn't go to riot-torn Hong Kong. He was putting the rubbish out and having a smoke when, by chance, he drove past on his way to bank a cheque. Dominic bought duty-free ciggies (nice tasting Mevius original menthol 10mgs of tar) for Daddy, but didn't buy the rock that Jeremy was expecting. The tomatoes ripened! Jeremy 120lb, Dominic 121.3lb. 

Week of August 26th 2019 - Brookes confirmed

Jeremy received confirmation of his place at Oxford Brookes. Mummy garnered +100 likes and comments on her Facebook page after she posted the news. She's sooo popular! Everybody loves Joey Chan, but she doesn't get British humour (jokes about brown sugar...demerara)! Jeremy has completed all the necessary forms and has applied for student financing and a BrookesKey. He almost conducted his weekly D&D gathering on the lawn, but the ants were too numerous. Daddy went to Oxford and put his film into develop. But he opened the back of the camera too early, and probably overexposed the photos. Summer returned: so Daddy jumped back  into the pool again. Dominic travelled to Phnom Penn and arrived safely in Luang Prabang in Laos. He went caving and white water rafting. Mummy dropped her phone and cracked the screen, but got it fixed by a sweet boy in the MTR, for a third of the price quoted by Apple. County are still rubbish, but we watched with great excitement as Stokes levelled the Ashes. 

Week of August 19th 2019 - Applied to Brookes x3

Dominic and Angela arrived at the elephant sanctuary in Cambodia on World Elephant Day, but their stay was truncated (geddit!), because there was no air-con. They travelled south to Kampot on the coast instead, where they have been busy eating crab and D has topped up his beauty tan. Daddy watched CNBC for the first time in years (inverse yield curve) and noted how the presenters have aged. Mummy says Daddy's not sixty next year: he's sexy next year. Old age prevented him from walking miles to record the demolition of Didcot's cooling towers. Just as well, because flying debris caused minor injuries and another power outage for Abingdon (third since we've been here). Jeremy's hair-cut by Hannah was good. He won't be drinking any Becks for two whole weeks, even though American beer is so Mickey Mouse. He applied for a place at Oxford Brookes (he talked to David George at admissions, who remembered what happened last year). He will read a BSc (Hons) in Computer Science. Assured confirmation will take a week or two. Mummy played mahjong into the wee hours as the unrest in Hong Kong eased. Thomas bruised his knee when he crushed his car into the back of a taxi, which had been cut by a white van (the third family car to be damaged since we've been here). Daddy had two very long dreams about: entering the wrong house, and meeting Putin on a bus. It's getting cooler, the swifts have left, winter birds are arriving, and the tomatoes refuse to ripen. But the sunflowers will blossom soon.

Week of August 12th 2019 - Wat

Dominic arrived in Da Nang and enjoyed the beach and went scuba diving. After a long delay at the airport, he arrived at Siem Reap and visited Angkor Wat - twice. We boys both agree: we should not have let the chef take time off. Fortunately, Grandma is feeding us lamb and quiche. Jeremy won at, a Charlie-arranged, mahjong session. We sort of celebrated Chinese Valentine's Day. Mummy is getting concerned because the unrest in Hong Kong is intensifying. Daddy had two light bulb moments during the week. County are useless. Shortest diary entry since January 2018.

Week of August 5th 2019 - Vietnamese minchi coconut cake 

We had dinner at the Crown before Dominic's departure for Indo-China (the swordfish was good). Daddy had to wake him up on a workday morning - a first. He arrived in Vietnam via an uncomfortable, middle-seat, flight to Bangkok. Angela's flight was delayed big time due to the unrest in Hong Kong. Mummy offered a side-of-eye comment on the double bed at their AirBnB. It would be nice to report on everything he's been up to, but so far I've only received a photograph of a Vietnamese coconut. Grandma made a minchi birthday cake (that looked like a coconut with a candle on it) at a family gathering. Daddy (who will be 60 next year) is quite aware that he looks old enough to be Mummy's grandfather. She's had trouble getting to and from work because of the street protests, but still found an excuse to karaoke the night away.  Jeremy is very interested to know if our new neighbour is still an active D&Der. He's been spending a lot of time in the Dragon, The Narrows (the other Thompson's local), and has been taking lots of long, unsteady walks in the countryside. We will renew our lease for another year on a 1% increase in rent (I'm not paying the fees, or forty pounds for a kitchen light bulb).

Week of July 29th 2019 - Hot distinction

Jeremy received his BTEC certificate which confirmed he was awarded a Distinction.  He is, therefore, one step closer to applying for university. He hosted a D&D session and completed the story-line during another all-day session. Daddy was gently pushed into a pool by his gleeful mother on a super hot day. The heat destroyed two fridges in Wait and Co-op (so no ice cream). We boys talked about the upsurge in spiders in the yard, which is probably due to the weather, and promptly found one in the kitchen sink. The grasshopper we found later was clearly confused (there's no grass in our yard). Dominic has packed his 12lbs half-empty rucksack ahead of his trip: even though he won't be using all the e-visas he has applied for until next week. Tomatoes appeared: Dominic made a lot of plum crumble. Mummy merrily avoided the street protests in Hong Kong by sharing nine bottles of beer with Kim at a karaoke joint.

Week of July 22nd 2019 - Jabs eclipsed

Dominic was left disappointed again after another visit to Abingdon Surgery. Their fridge broke over the weekend, so he had to rearrange his inoculations. Eventually, nurse Jane poked a very tiny needle in both his arms. He says it tickled, but he couldn't swing his arms for a while afterwards. He applied for his e-visa to Cambodia and bought more t-shirts. We went to photograph the partial eclipse of the moon at Rye Farm Meadow, and were interrupted by: a German, a tipsy canal-boat lady, some dog-walkers and a group having dinner by the river. Exasperated Daddy had to explain what was going on each time. Jeremy was Dungeon Master again, and won at mahjong at Grandma's place. Daddy was told twice by a strong independent woman that she can reach the chorizo crisps on the top shelf of the Nags (they fell on her). Breckon paid a surprise visit. Nine tomatoes appeared. Mummy says she's calm about the riots: it's the rest of Hong Kong that isn't. To prove this, she did what she always does when there's a crisis: she had her hair permed (megacool:megabeauty).

Week of July 15th 2019 - Win Magic bat

Jeremy has been busy gaming during his summer break. He was quite edgy ahead of his first attempt at being a Dungeon Master (something about a wizard returning from the North with amnesia). He went to a Magic gathering and finally beat tough guy Ian with an elemental deck he was given. The success continued, with Daddy buying a cricket bat ahead of the World Cup final weekend. We made a video predicting Ross Taylor will be bowled LBW for 10 by Rashid (he was out LBW, but bowled by Wood for 14). England then proceeded to beat NZ in the super over. Daddy was an emotional wreck. Daddy dreamed about dropping the iPad at the end of a nap, and travelling to Marylebone, missing the tube, and seeing Mummy holding an ironing board as she waited for a coach. She was petrified by the protests in a Shatin shopping mall.

Week of July 8th 2019 - Birthday suit, nosy axle break

Jeremy got a call at 11pm asking him to meet his friends in town. So he got into a suit and tie and went to meet them because they had just finished their annual ball. Unfortunately, all the pubs had closed, so they hung out for a while, and then he went home with one of them and stayed overnight. He slept on a futon - in his suit. He now has a clearer picture about Becks. Daddy feels very guilty about Andrew's car. He decided to meet up and wanted to park downstairs. Unfortunately, the bollards were down when he arrived, and he drove over them. But they automatically rose, breaking his axle rod. He had Max Jr in the back. We had ice cream at Annie's before Diane and Olivia took them home. ISIS Recovery arrived two days later with a 30ft tow truck. After many questions about what two old codgers were doing by some nosy old folk, the car was lifted back to Swindon. Andrew and Diane turned up again, this time to walk the dog (thus extending Daddy's guilt trip). Daddy got very excited by a series of bright red summer sunsets, so he walked 3 miles to Radley College (interrupting their sports day), to take some photos, only for a nosy teacher to comment on how spectacular the sky looked. Indeed! Mya posed in her blue ball dress and sky-high heels. Jeremy had friends round for monopoly, vodka and ball games on the lawn. Mummy had at least two birthday dinners with her friends, and went on a trip to Zhuhai for more eating. We sold Grandad's computer screen. Daddy was attacked by a dinosaur in a dream.

Week of July 1st 2019 - Half a ton of chicken trip

Jeremy tried to get thrown out of Narrows for a third time, but failed. But he now has a clearer view of Becks, so Daddy approves. He went to a BBQ gathering in Drayton, so skipped the family Sunday lunch. We had our first outdoors meal at Nags this year, because it finally turned warm (Jeremy ate half a kilo of chicken wings in celebration). We transplanted the tomato plants to the warm outdoors and found some sunflower seeds, which germinated straight away. Daddy knows how to make to washing machine deodorise smelly sports shoes and a big travelling rucksack. Dominic will have his injections for his trip after Daddy booked his appointment. He had a hair-cut at Drakes, and went shopping for provisions on the hottest day of the year. He added 500GB to his laptop after getting Daddy to ask the local computer shop to unscrew an SSD case. 

Week of June 24th 2019 - Finished college - copy that!

Jeremy signed out of Abingdon College after receiving his final distinction. Before he left college, he was informed that Yusef had plagiarised one of his papers. This is considered a major badge of honour. His last day is next week. We celebrated with a dinner at the Crown (anchovy pizza, massive pork ribs and risotto). Now that everyone is off school, he has been busy doing his thing. He reached Mystic level at Magic and won a pint as a result. He walked a lot during a pub crawl, after getting refused more ale at The Narrows because of a large consumption of Becks. The group played D&D at the Boundary House, then walked to Abbey Meadows to drink cider. Before eating take-away dinner at a bus stop. We were talking about whether we prefer cats or dogs at the Foodfair at Abbey Meadows, when Daddy received a text saying that Daisy had passed away. We sat on the grass in the heat and ate hot dogs and samosas. The Greek line was huge. Dominic helped rescue a baby pigeon at work. We are on hedgehog and woodlouse spider alert. A local seagull attacked a drone. The walnuts have returned. 

Week of June 17th 2019 - Cooking excellence

Jeremy continues to excel at school, earning two more distinctions. He's ploughing through his last assignment, a group effort which he is leading. He bought some fine line pens as a present on the occasion of a friend's birthday - they had dinner and cake and then drank Becks together (apparently that's the only one in his bunch of friends who likes beer). Daddy assured Mummy that the Hong Kong Government would back down on the extradition bill - and they did. Daddy's toad in the hole went down well, but Dominic's cooking expertise knows no bounds. He made six tricky eggs Benedict, and followed up the next day with steak and asparagus (with the rest of the hollandaise sauce) for Father's Day (the meringues were a side effort). However, we are now off eggs for weeks (particularly as scooping poached eggs from a deep pan makes chef very angry). A related debit card from Germany arrived by post. We are watching the very surreal Darkplace TV series. A rainbow flag will fly proudly over Abingdon Town Hall ahead of the town's first gay pride march - a totally LibDem idea. Why it's flying at half mast is, though, a small mystery.

Week of June 10th 2019 - Praise the thunder cats

Jeremy has been hearing nothing but praise from his teachers at college, as his course starts to wind down. They reckon he doesn't need to grind his way through his first year at university, because he's already done the syllabus. He went to a birthday party in a room at the Conservative Club on Ock Street, and drank Thatcher's cider all night. The irony went over his head. We visited Andrew in Wantage on the same day as the town's annual carnival (75 pound axe!). The BBQ was good, except Pip barked a lot at the boys and it rained on us. But, because of the fair, the buses were erratic. It took us two hours to get back home. At least we got to study the model aircraft at the roundabout for an hour, while Dominic got a reaction to a black cat he was playing with in a meadow. We heard our first thunderclap of the year. Dominic is looking ahead after booking a sleeper train to Da Nang, flight to Phnom Penh and trips Angor Wat and an elephant sanctuary. But he's not looking forward to his jabs (when? Next month, sob!). England won another penalty shoot-out, hurray!

Week of June 3rd 2019 - Studious student 

Jeremy has been nominated for student of the year for his class. This was enough of an incentive to made him work even harder on his studies. He spent most of his half-term break working on his group-wide human computer interaction paper, which he handed in on Sunday. In between times, he was LARPing about with his crew. We spent the bank holiday playing mahjong with Grandma. Methodical Dominic won the most hands. Daddy had an ice cream with his brother at Annie's, thus cementing his resolution for the year. A person at Sammi's threw some chips, which were intended for the local pigeons, at Daddy. He said he didn't see him. Invisible Daddy discovered that someone is smoking Mevius cigarettes nearby, but piling the butts on a doorstep is so uncool. Dominic booked his flights to Vietnam, and is thinking about what to wear. Daddy witnessed some road rage on East St. Helens, as a little red car pulled out in front of a motorbike. He gave up being a witness to the anger, when they started arguing about who should drive off first.  Dominic cooked two chicken meals in a day, and a no-bake Nutella cake. We think someone in his office might be an energy vampire.

Week of May 27th 2019 - Labour haircut

Daddy voted tactically for Labour, in the unimportant EU elections, so the party could avoid a drastic haircut (their candidate got in). Daddy had his last haircut with Jess for a while because she's heavily pregnant! Dominic's weight hit a record high 125.6lbs - (it could be the heavy-duty banana bread/cake he made or it could be that he was wearing a really heavy bathrobe at the time!).  It certainly wasn't because of Co-op's Chinese meals, because they are awful.  Daddy was given a bullet shell to bite on from Claire at a family gathering for (our soon-to-be neighbour) Charlie, on her return. Daddy finally transferred money to the immigration solicitor using a card reader (he should have checked the post box and confirmed the PIN before going to the bank). The last episode of Game of Thrones was cheesy, but Chernobyl has been reactive. We ate ice creams in the UV sunshine at Annie's as we continue our vain attempts to support our local businesses. A cockchafer scared the willies out of Daddy.

Week of May 20th 2019 - Birthday photos

Jeremy was given a surprise party by his crew, and they gave him a Magic deck and an ice dragon (ahead of the final episode of Game of Thrones). We took Jeremy's birthday portrait with his Christening candle, but Daddy noticed that he had not posted his 11th and 14th birthday pictures on Flickr. Finding them looked a daunting task, as it required searching manually through 340k photos. Amazingly, Daddy found them both by randomly picking folders and posted them. Jeremy got a distinction for his Twitter paper. The avocado tree died after its first experience of rainfall. Daddy's dream was two small dogs in a meadow, one bit his finger gently, then chased a horse. Walked home but two gates to the house. Young Jeremy and kissed Mummy's lips.

Week of May 13th 2019 - Chronic castle pot

Dominic and Daddy went to visit Fitzharris' Castle Mound in search of ancient artifacts. We returned with a broken piece of modern pottery that Daddy dug up from under a tree. Jeremy was out all day in Drayton. We discovered why Granddad has had to keep changing his BT e-mail password (David has been changing it for a whole year without telling anyone). Dominic, who is sensitive about these sorts of things, was in anguish on hearing the news. Jeremy handed in two papers during the week (Twitter account and his web design). We went for tea at Grandparents to celebrate Jeremy's 19th. We re-potted the poorly avocado plant.  Amazing European semi-finals. We think Dominic may be suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME).

Week of May 6th 2019 - Rotten week

Mummy returned home (Noodle Nation beforehand). She slept through both flights and had jet lag all week. Jeremy spent the week on work experience at Univers Labs. He kept himself busy, but finding lunch was difficult. We watched comedic, and epic, Endgame at the Curzon (5 Guys beforehand) with Thomas. County were relegated to the National League - the good wishes from all manner of football supporters was touching. We went to watch the Abingdon Airshow.  A Gurkha told us we can go onto the airfield. We met a super friendly cat. We didn't vote in the council election because the LibDems were sure to win. Dominic's Stash program is passing through user acceptance testing.

Week of April 29th 2019 - Meow meow song

Mummy has planted an ear worm song into our brains. It has something to do with a cat. We walked in the wild wind to middle-class The Marina and found a hippy crack canister, and observed some non-recreational rabbits. We met grandparents at John Lewis after a hearing test. We got dressed up to attend Max Jnr's naming ceremony at St James' church at West Hanney. The very modern ceremony included: children's songs, a guitar/banjo playing reverend, examples of trust and miming. Jnr ate the service paper. Lunch reception was at The Bear Hotel. Sunday lunch at Lorraine's for Mummy to say her goodbyes. Jeremy unnoticeable hair cut. Mummy down to 113lbs. The diameter of the boys'shoulders is 18 inches but the waist is only 10 inches. Their triangles are not the same as Daddy's isosceles trapezium (19-14).

Week of April 22nd 2019 - Slaves

Mummy made a comfort visit to the only immigration lawyers in Oxford with Lorraine. On her way there, she skillfully avoided getting involved in the arrest of a screaming young man by five police officers, by walking behind some old folk. She said goodbye to the ladies at the Cancer Research shop (Beryl, Claire 1 and 2), by donating two toys and buying a pair of jelly glasses. She was promoted to the till, but found giving change a bit fiddly. We watched Notre Dame burn. We met Andrew for a surprise drink at the Broad Face. Mummy indicated she needed Daddy to pass her a tissue by pointing at her nose and the box on the table. She couldn't reach the kitchen cupboard from the dining table or the napkin she dropped, so she got her slaves to do her stretching for her. We had wine and bread for Maundy Thursday. We spent Good Friday at Lorraine's with David, and had an Easter egg hunt. David confounded us when he insists he sleeps on this eyebrows. Mummy watched Calendar Girls with Lorraine. They had the whole row to themselves. We finished the week with a sunny picnic on the Nags Head eyot, accompanied by some baying geese and their super cute goslings. 

Week of April 15th 2019 - London and back

We went to London by bus to meet Dominic. We arrived at Marble Arch and walked to Trafalgar Square. Spent half an hour in the National Gallery and saw a Leo and two Rafas. We walked to Fortnum and met Dominic in Covent Garden. Home-made Italian dinner (8/10). Traveled to a clean Novotel (8/10) in Greenwich. Next day had a nice local breakfast (Greenwich Cafe - 8/10) and went to a damp Cutty Sark and Greenwich Park to see the sakura and chase squirrels. Tea at the Pavilion Cafe (6/10). Went to the Tate and then to Victoria to meet Manin for tapas at friendly (Thomas look-a-like) About Thyme (9/10). Daddy saw a loco women steal a large mirror from outside a charity shop. The local patrons were shocked. Jeremy ate snails and drank strong beer. Daddy overheard convoluted conversations on the Tube about a unfed gerbil and finding skewers for chicken kebabs. When we returned Mummy helped at the cancer shop twice in the week. We went to Abingdon Spring Head of the River to watch the rowing as the weather was dry. Also saw: some actors in WW2 uniforms, Dunkirk little boats, and a W. Churchill impersonator at the lock. We put the tomato seedlings outside, with their own personalized greenhouses. Mummy fashioned some dumplings, and Dominic bashed out an aggressive set of scones. J went to a BBQ lunch, in the cold, and let us look at his website design assignment. Phill from Spark says I can stop paying them. Daddy recovered from his back strain.

Week of April 7th 2019 - Less expensive food

We tried the 20% discount on steaks on a Monday at Nags Head. We walked to muddy FitzHarris Castle, but there was nothing there except trees and mud. Mummy noticed that her wellingtons are not as tight as last year, so she might stop using the hashtag #maximumweight. Mummy spent the afternoon helping out at the local Cancer Research UK shop. Mostly chatting to the older ladies, drinking tea, and sorting clothes by size. Mummy and Jeremy went to Reading to have his eyebrows threaded. He says he can't see them now when he lifts his eyes. We met Daddy's brothers in Oxford for drinks and tapas: The Crown and then All Bar One - we were home by 10pm. The evening was made cheaper by lots of discount vouchers. Dominic made his way to London to meet Angela.

Week of April 1st 2019 - Walkies again!

Mummy has decided that she needs to take her three pets for long walks. No idea why, maybe it's the above average weather, or it may be that she's at "maximum weight" or she's still suffering from jet lag. This last reason explains why could she fall asleep while watching a noisy Korean movie with the earphones still in her ears. She's also getting up a weird times of the night. She made Daddy walk all the way to Tesco and back. Compensation: Daddy saw a nuntjac deer (another Chinese import). Jeremy was off school mid-week, but got a pass from being with his pesky Mummy. As punishment, she dragged Daddy to Barton's Field where he saw another nuntjac and a pheasant. Her obsession with sakura is disturbing. She then travelled to Cardiff to visit Eve, and returned with a cold vegetarian pizza which Daddy carried back from Oxford. All the while, Mummy was recovering from a cold and bouts of internal bleeding (she blows her nose too hard). She went to Reading to eat dim sum with Lorraine. Daddy was amazed at the High Street sunset. We walked to Tesco again and Barton's Field again, this time with the boys, and met a squeaking treebeard and the pheasant (again, but this time Daddy had to chase after it). Daddy got his new passport. Jeremy got another distinction from school, this time for a comparison of Amazon and Apple's websites. We observed Earth Hour - as we always do. Mummy got a card and an owl hat from her pets for Mothering Sunday. As punishment, she made Dominic kneed dough to make scones. Tomato seedlings appeared. Keerin from Spark says he'll call on Monday.

Week of March 25th 2019 - Home

Daddy spent a lot of time talking to Jessica of Spark. She promised to call back with answers, but didn't. No reaction to harsh feedback to Meg Darling. The next day Daddy left for Heathrow to meet Mummy. He caught the delayed X3 but still made it to Gloucester Green in time for the midnight coach - despite being delayed by a homeless person from Middlesbrough. Daddy waited 8 hours in a very busy Caffe Nero in T2 until Mummy emerged at 9am (after a half an hour delay at immigration). Quick connections home and naps on International Happiness Day. Mummy's jet lag is the worst ever (up at 4am most mornings). Dominic's new Nokia camera phone arrived, he moved the SSD to Granddad's new Iota. Met Lorraine at M&S Cafe for long chin wag. Daddy bought cheap shoes (@1 pound 25p each). Mummy watched Rock of Ages, despite her developing cold. Mummy drinking during lunch at Lorraine's was a mistake. Combined with cold medication and a walk to the Thames resulted in an 11 hour sleeping session. Most of us signed the revoke article 50 petition.

Week of March 18th 2019 - VIP merits

Jeremy's school trip to Brize Norton had very little to do with computers, and more to do with recruitment. However, he did manage to resist the temptation to press the big red button on a C-17 Globemaster and got to see VIP Voyager (the PM's plane) and some DC-10s (which Daddy used to ride on). He received two merits for the exams he took in January, and a distinction in his marketing presentation (a chip off Mummy's old block). He watched Captain Marvel (featuring Goose the cat) with a friend. Andrew had to cancel coffee at Costa because Junior was sick. Daddy renewed his passport. Spark is playing hard to get and continues to refuse to give Daddy his money back. Mummy is making last minute preparations ahead of her trip by singing karaoke and drinking beers, and getting tipsy on white port at Irene's. She's such a hard case. We boys watched a lot of Tolkien movies - sober.

Week of March 11th 2019 - Time

Jeremy overslept, but still made into college on time. He handed in his latest paper with hours to spare. He needs more time to practice his pancake. We finished watching the rest of Tin Star, much to Dominic's chagrin. Andrew cancelled watching rugby on Saturday with Daddy because no one was available. Jeremy says the time spent walking to Drayton flies by because he's such wonderful company. Mya sprained her ankle on a trampoline and had to go to A&E, but she made it in time for her birthday lunch with Millie and David. BT says it will cut our landline bill by 4p a month. It also boosted our internet speed for free. Spark failed to respond, so it's Comparethemarket for us! Daddy dreamed about losing two rucksacks in an airport, smoking on a escalator with Buchanan and Sammy, only to find them in a bathroom. The clown waiter on a zip-line was odd.

Week of March 4th 2019 - Not so smart

Gabriel from Siemens installed a smart meter. It doesn't work - no phone signal. Spark are useless, waiting for an email to many questions. We boys watched Tin Star all week - you alright? Jeremy's been sharpening up his latest paper (a website comparison), so he declared he needed a sharper spoon while scraping rice from bottom of the rice cooker.  Daddy finally got to partly fulfill his New Year's resolution of meeting his brother - more often. We drove to tragic Hungerford and browsed for antiques (the vintage Action Men were impressive). Andy bought a plant pot holder, and Daddy bought a large, cheap, ginger jar. We will meet at least three more times in the next month or so. Daddy went shopping without his wallet, and returned without the washing pods he needed. He did, however, find a suitably cheap replacement for the shades he lost. He dreamed about giving some cash to his parents in the back of a car. Grandma's thumb is scary.

Week of February 25th 2019 - Sparky Rhys spotted dick

Jeremy spent most of his half term gaming with his friends. His final D&D of the season involved dressing up. He also got up early and went to a gaming-themed birthday party in Basingstoke. Dominic's cooking during the week was almost as amazing as Grandma's one-handed pies and cake. He made a tasty spotted dick at Daddy's request, despite the fact the word suet is derived from the Latin sebum (meaning tallow). Daddy received two terrible emails: one from Spark congratulating him that his tariff will increase by 30%, the second saying that Rhys will not pay for the shower ceiling, because it was our fault the painter did such a bad job. At least the weather was unseasonably warm. Our language tests were very similar. Daddy remembered two dreams about: a nuclear explosion and an attack by Chinese soldiers. Dominic 124lbs, Jeremy 118lbs. Mummy confirmed her flight next month.

 Week of February 18th 2019 - On and on

It was really foggy one morning, so Daddy decided to take some photos. As he walked over Abingdon bridge, he spotted a kingfisher, sitting patiently on a branch, begging to be photographed. Daddy talked to loved-up Mummy for one and half hours on Valentine's Day - she can go on. Jeremy went on and on for his latest paper for school. His class has been given a reprieve on their social media marketing presentation. His half term started. Andrew cancelled at the last minute. Thumbs up to Grandma and County who beat Mansfield (finally) in front of 13k dreamers. Let's see how long it takes Rhys to arrange to fix the shower ceiling again.

Week of February 11th 2019 - Lost & found and lost again

We celebrated Chinese New Year with our usual fare from Parasol. Jeremy rolled a tangerine instead of a pomelo (citrus maxima) around the house - much to Mummy's mirth. Daddy left his umbrella behind at Costa after a long coffee, but went back and found it. Then he lost his super cheap shades: but then found them. However, after visiting the Ashmolean with Grandma to see a rubbish exhibition by Jeff Koons, he lost them again. (permanently, this time). Dominic's been suffering at work because he lost a Greek. But he has found that once he puts his comfy new bath robe on, he can't take it off (because of the static or a fear of losing it). He was in a bit of a tiz-woz after a system update crashed his laptop. Patience fixed it. Jeremy had a day off school because the college was rebooting their routers. Toby, his tutor, says he's top of his class (They should ask him to fix their wi-fi!)

Week of February 4th 2019 - Long dreamy walks

It finally snowed on Friday, so Daddy walked to Culham and back (4 miles), taking photos of the loveliness. Jeremy stayed away from the white stuff, but he did make (supervised) minchi for the first time. We put up Chinese New Year decorations and had Chinese food at Grandparents. J left early to meet his crew for some D&D. He walked back into town (2.4 miles). He had a reaction, during the walk, to Grandma's yummy prawn toast. Daddy dished out Lai See packets as required. Daddy had a dream about a bicycle race in Italy, which was easy because it was all downhill. He took a left turn and realized that the pelaton had taken the quicker route, so he stopped and took a lift down to the finish (D is working on a lift website).  He also had a long dream which featured: a yellow dingy, a blocked road, and a large man, wearing a dirty Argentina football shirt, who had cigarette butts for teeth *eww* (see teeth whitening below).

Week of January 28th 2019 - Free beers

Jeremy finished his final exam of his course and thinks he did alright again. It snowed on the day. One of his classmates didn't make it to the exam because he was involved in a car crash. We celebrated (the end of his exams: not the crash) with a dinner at the Nags. We used the 20% discount card, but also got free beers because the food was slow to arrive. Jeremy was out most days (Dragonball movie, Magic and Smash Bros).  Dominic had a slightly sticky hair cut, so we had a spa and teeth whitening session to make him feel better. His new spiky look had nothing to do with his horizontal sleeping position. Daddy participated in the annual Garden Birdwatch and saw a seagull trying to break open a mollusc by dropping it on the Old Gaol's roof. England humiliated in West Indies, County up for sale after the owner exposed his privates on Twitter *sigh*. 

Week of January 21st 2019 - Want change: invite chaos

Jeremy came home from his first of two BTEC Computer exams and thinks he did pretty OK. So he was a bit disappointed that we didn't go out to celebrate. Fortunately, we have a 20% off voucher for Nags, so we will celebrate there next week when he finishes his final exam. Daddy had two dreams in one night: he was playing for Leicester against Chelsea, but there was a problem because both teams were wearing blue shirts. He also dreamed about Ah Je (Rodney's amah), who collapsed at the top of a flight of outdoor stairs. She said her legs felt tingly in perfect English - even though she couldn't speak a word when she was alive. We have taken possession of two wonderfully-red, stuffed, Cardinals, which we have named: Biggles and Fang! Daddy's been slowly completing the Guardian quick crossword and has discovered the meaning of the words: smack, gite, drachm, rowan, and coddle. Gov't lost Meaningful Vote - big time. Order!

Week of January 14th 2018 - Simon the cat

Dominic's 28th birthday started with a chocolate cake at work and ended with a birthday pizza pie at home. Daddy told him a made-up story about Simon, an old cat that can blow bubbles out of its nose. A dripping bottle of washing up liquid above his water bowl was the cause. Laonie (Hunter) skipped in to inspect the flat and told us that her great grandmother used to live here - 65 years ago - under candlelight. Daddy received his cartons from his returning parents. Daddy and Jeremy had their regular hair cuts. Apparently, we look good, but at what cost.

Week of January 7th 2019 - New Year, again!

New Year countdown at Lorraine's. More games with Neil's family. One of the four fireworks set  off by Julian didn't work. Matlock lost to Gainsborough Trinity, thus confirming that Lorraine will have a little something this year. We went to the King's Arms with the Richardson's for New Year lunch - for the fifth time since 2012. Jeremy had his first all-day hangover: he barfed up his noodles at 8 in the morning. Dominic didn't throw up at all but still lost weight over the festive period. Daddy gained, and is nearly officially overweight at 162lbs. He strained his thumb - not related. We said goodbye to Fatima while eating lasagne. We gave our rooted Christmas tree to Lorraine. She's planted it in the garden, so Mya can experience Christmas Day every day. A bloody blackbird messed up the yard and did a poo in the ashtray.

Week of December 31st December 2018 - Bang!

Christmas Day started with surprising presents for the boys. Although Jeremy's mouse pad and laptop cover fitted perfectly, the sweat shirt for Dominic was too small around the neck, and his pyjamas looked too big. We had a Bang! on turkey lunch at Lorraine's and played chirades etc. Boxing Day lunch was more of the same with David, only the games changed (21, pass the parcel, whispers (there is a duck on my head) and Pictonary (Taj Mahal)). We walked to the river both days. Daddy's truth serum got him into a spot of bother. We completed three days of eating turkey and spent two days recovering. Daddy travelled with Lorraine to David's local (No. 3a Coffee Shop in Bromsgrove) for lunch with cousin Fatima, and spent two hours at Bicester's Tory Burch and the VAT office.  Daddy's dream about a football match against India, playing with a peanut-shaped beach ball, may have been related to County's inability to score.

Week of December 24th 2018 - Co-incidents

Jeremy received his P45 from Larkmead - which is something of a rite of passage. He also walked back to his old haunt to pick up his DT table. He finished college early, after he finished interviewing his new teacher. His friends have returned from various unis, so he's been meeting them in The Narrows for drinks. He's been sleeping a lot (no co-incidence). Daddy met Mya at the postbox in the Marketplace as he posted his last card of the season, while, coincidentally, Granddad spotted him briskly walking home from the Post Office with the boys' last present of the season. Daddy was accosted by an accordion player who asked for a ciggie. He took his photograph - as is the rule. Dominic dressed as a druid on Friday's Winter Solstice, as his office terrorized Oxford town with their fake beards and chanting. Deadpool and Incredibles x2 were not as good as the originals. Mummy changed her hair style - again.  She has made a new friend (Fiona Chan) - she works at Fubon and says she knows of Daddy. She met Grandparents in Hong Kong for 5pm G&Ts. Corbyn called May stupid, while Bercow lost it (along with County). 

Week of December 17th 2018 - Three tree

We finally bought a Christmas tree (35 pounds from Waitrose). It turned out to be as wide as it is high, and weighs as much as it cost. We kept it dry, when rapidly carrying it home, with umbrellas: much to the amusement of the locals. Jeremy tested the lights and we decorated it with candy canes, red and white lights, and our ancient angel bear. Daddy strained his back looking for the missing wreath (we replaced it with a stocking). All qualifying family members got the same Christmas present (M&S beanies). Daddy decorated each present with a festive drawing. The backing track for the Christmas carols at Lorraine's sort of worked, but the rain interrupted anyway. Dominic (the soon to be druid) wants to copyright the cry: put it back! (see July 17th entry), after parliamentarians uttered it as the MP for Brighton removed the mace in the Commons in protest at the postponement of the meaningful vote. May survived a confidence vote. Daddy was confident he would see the Geminid meteor shower. He stood outside in the cold (it hit -7 on Friday) for half an hour and saw a grand total of: three.

Week of December 10th 2018 - Distinctly gooey

Jeremy returned home from school pumped because his class had been given another week to hand in their second paper. He then casually mentioned that he had received a distinction for his first paper on cyber security. He watched an anime movie with Thomas. When asked before he left what was the name of the movie, he could not recall (it was My Hero Academia - which was quite appropriate). He's not very hot: possibly because his fear of heat in the kitchen extends to carrying a slightly warm pot with the aid of several tea towels. Dominic's trip to London to see a client was not as bogus as the discovery on Jeremy's bedroom wall of a small green, gooey mark. As the globule was five feet to the right of where he normally sits, forensic evidence concluded that it was ejected from his nose. Jeremy's cough has almost dissipated, but only after Daddy fed him four antihistamine pills in four hours (twice the recommended dosage). The painter that fixed the bathroom ceiling decided to leave the bedroom via the closet. When Daddy asked him what he was doing, he admitted his error, and explained that his sister did the same thing at a job interview. Only she actually went into the closet and closed the door. She waited a while, hoping the others in the room would leave. When she sheepishly returned, everyone clapped, and she got the job! Christmas has officially arrived now that Lorraine's tree has been decorated and Johnny Cougar have played at Bowyers. We boys each have our own (very cheap) advent calendars. Daddy has taken to roasting sausages in mayonnaise. Both are super yummy. 

Week of December 3rd 2018 - Handle it

Daddy managed the quite onerous task of photographing the end of a meal at every pub that serves food in the center of Abingdon. Although Narrows is a little on the rough side, and if you have to handle the stares from the regulars, its food (curry/burgers) is passable. The owner's politics, though, should be kept to himself. Jeremy does a good Borat impersonation after a Thatchers. He suddenly panicked ahead of a new deadline for his paper. Despite the pressure, he still managed to play, with some success with a quickly assembled deck, Magic the Gathering at the local wizard shop, and his usual D&D game. He can handle it! But all this activity meant he ended the week with a sore throat and a cough like a mule. He didn't attend the Christmas lights switching on ceremony, so he missed a credible cover band called: Undercover. The fireworks were the best yet! He also missed an ominous sign: the Christmas tree lights didn't switch on! A sweaty man  finally came to fix the detached door handles in the house. Mourinho throws bottles: Klopp runs on pitch, County draw again - footie managers can't handle it.

Week of November 26th 2018 - Fans

Jeremy says he needs an hour to cut and file the nails of one hand. He's a fan of manicurists. He finally changed the name of his Santander bank account (but not his address). He's not a fan of bank officers. The sides of Dominic's hair flips up whenever he sneezes. He's a fan of vintage Pokemon games. Both boys reckon they are foxes (which know many things), rather than hedgehogs (which know only one big thing). They are fans of details. We ate at the surprisingly empty King's Head (the gammon smelled fanny). The bathroom extractor fans were replaced. It took two months. We are fans of fans. Granddad returned one of the BT wi-fi boxes we gave him: Dominic fixed it. He was revived after we fanned him. Daddy found a large toad in the yard, and took it to the river. Reminder: toads don't need water - it was looking for somewhere dry (under a log/leaves) to hibernate. Amphibians are his angry fans. Mummy travelled by HK$80 bus using the fantastic sea bridge to Zhuhai. County fans mulled the hiring of Ardley. 

Week of November 19th 2018 - Watched Fantastic infinity hours

We watched Infinity Wars in tribute to Stan Lee's passing. We then watched Darkest Hour, and finished the week watching Fantastic Beasts (7/10) at Curzon. Breakfast Club can't make a full breakfast (missed toast, black pudding and mushrooms: and their coffee is awful). Need to return to the roughness of Narrows and King's Head to complete the pub meal photo set. Daddy was abandoned mid-week as both boys went out for separate dinners. Santander Bank are clearly rubbish: Jeremy needs to make an appointment just to change his address. England beat Sri Lanka and Croatia, but County lost at home to Cheltenham! Kewell out: speeder Hardy's next! Brexit chaos. Dominic's 6am nose bleed didn't last very long. Andy's Saffy passed.

Week of November 12th 2018 - Weediest

We celebrated bonfire night on Monday with a sparkler and a small pile of sticks in Abbey Meadow. The following day, at 1.37pm Daddy read an article about a bell-ringer called Steven Tomsett, who had a accident at St Helen's Church, and is suing for damages. At exactly the same time, unbeknownst to us both, Jeremy was having lunch with a friend and fellow bell-ringer. He insisted Tomsett would never sue the church. The weekend of Remembrance Sunday is a big deal in Abingdon, with its bells, its buns and its beacons. It started to pour with rain as the bells of St Nicholas' reminded us to made our way from our long Nags lunch to the bun throwing at the Marketplace. This meant the locals could ignore the No Umbrellas signs conspicuously positioned round and about. After Jeremy acquired said currant bun (thrown from the top of the County Hall by blue-gloved dignitaries), we met at Costa and headed home to put the bun in the freezer for posterity. The evening firework display, on a clear night, was the weediest ever recorded. We got to Shippon by bus, and navigated a treacherous walk down a dark country lane to a spot outside the airfield. We returned home by taxi, which had fortuitously parked in the field where we were filming. Daddy's third Remembrance Sunday passed with only minor incident: he was informed by phone while the wreaths were being laid that Grandma was briefly incommunicado. After a massive coffee at Costa (again), Andrew, Olivia/Max, Dominic and Daddy stood where we always stand. The woman behind Andrew didn't have a song-sheet and asked him to lift his so she could see the words. She then proceeded to sing the hymn O God our help in ages past in the reediest, weediest voice ever emitted from a human. Her quiet shrill contrasted sharply with Andrew's mumbled baritone. We eventually found Grandma and had a roast at the Crown. In the evening, as the weediest beacon ever was ignited on the top of County Hall, with its wooden cupola kept well out of harm's way. 

Week of November 5th 2018 - First paper

Jeremy completed what turned out to be his first, university-standard, computer science paper on computer security with an emphasis on cryptography. With 20+ references and at 6,500 words, it was a mighty first try.  Daddy bumped into sheepish Millie at Marcham's Tesco, then picked up the mini, blue and white, ginger jars from the Post Office. They were very mini. Still, Dominic's idea of filling them with Smarties turned out to be a good move. Baking six Danish pastries, descaling a kettle and unstacking the dishwasher comes with its downside: Daddy broken two glasses in quick succession (but replaced them with 25p ones). Unrelated: he had a dream about a tooth falling out, and woke very suddenly one night. Dominic's tired out by the new Greek. We disposed of the tomato plant. Daddy's very upset with Flickr: doubling their price, for nothing new.

Week of October 29th 2018 - Kindness

Jeremy spent most of the week working with Dominic on his paper. But in between he showed his multi-dimensional personality. He started by nearly burning down the house making a bacon sandwich, but the next day he arranged and hosted his first D&D game at home. And when his Chilean friend Philip called from work to say he was ill and cold, he immediately set off with a spare jacket for him. He walked to McDonalds, which is a mile away, and helped him home - all in the name of kindness. The boys have been kind and warm by snuggling in bed together as they work through Jeremy's paper. Daddy has been getting hot under the collar with some unusual cold callers. A little boy rang the intercom and said he was from Amazon Prime and he had a free football to deliver. The Indian chap who pretended to be calling from BT was even less convincing: asking: what colour are the lights on your router? He hung up when Daddy asked for ID. Jeremy finally knows how much he was paid for his library work at Larkmead (Vale Academy Trust): Stg104.76 twice! Grandma's warm food parcels have been going down a treat! Mummy and Daddy were both affected by the Cathay Pacific data hack.

Week of October 22nd 2018 - Working half-term

Jeremy started half-term, but it won't be like the laid-back versions of the past, because he has a 4,000 word essay to write. He's still relaxed though: Daddy found him sleeping while still holding his phone to his face! He spent a lot of time doing cyphers and logic before the break. He almost didn't make in one day, after complaining of a stomach ache (possible dodgy sausage roll was to blame). A couple of visits to the loo did the trick, after which he went out to play D&D. Daddy left his toilet water bill in Poundland, so he had to walk back to get it. It was on the floor by the self-service check-out: it's so distracting shopping there! He painted a goldfinch on the front of Charlie's 22nd birthday present. He had no idea that the name of the girl she will be sharing a room with at work is: Goldfinch. Daddy had a dream about a lucky man called Obadiah, who had a curved shaped field. Daddy's toad in the hole was very curved too! Mummy started at LÓreal. Neither of the boys have heard the term: argy-bargy.

Week of October 15th 2018 - Ambassador Thompson 

Jeremy has been chosen to be an ambassador for Abingdon & Witney College. He says he accepted because he wants the t shirt. We could have attended the Michaelmas Fair in t shirts this year, but we still did so with the least amount of enthusiasm possible. After three times things all look the same. Interestingly, though, a deaf mute tried to explain to Jeremy how a push-a-coin machine works. We were not impressed with curry chips but we were with the pants. One windy day, Daddy heard an impressive thud outside our front door. He looked out to find a rusty metal serving tray in exactly the place he usually stands to have a ciggie. The tray had blown off the balcony from the second floor. Dominic was more concerned about shielding the tomatoes. We harvested the last of them. Now what? Mummy posted messages of her shopping and eating at 2.30am in downtown Seoul. She has finished her stint in Macau. She got a terrific send off. Dominic's cough has almost stopped. He successfully cooked (ziti and stew) all weekend.

Week of October 8th 2018 - Loose change

As per usual, Daddy ordered chips from Sami's, but, unusually, the Turkish person (who has served Daddy hundreds of times in the past two years) asked: "Do you have any loose change in your shop?" Daddy looking askance replied: "What are you talking about?" To which said Turkish gentleman replied: "Oh! I'm sorry. I thought you work at Parasol." Daddy returned home confused and perplexed. Possibly because Shareably is using his levitation photo in an article about meditation. Jeremy noticed the shoes first, before he realized Daddy had photoshopped the legs of the bench. Daddy's been getting a lot of stick over his choice of present for Max Jr (should have been John Lewis). We ate the biggest piggy omelette ever. Dominic baked a ziti, but failed a moussaka. He's still coughing. Jeremy offered to make a cuppa soup to make him feel better, but was confused about how much water was in the kettle. He is not discouraged about attending university, after hearing that Millie quit Bournemouth after only two weeks. Kewell in.

Week of October 1st 2018 - Heavy walnut pan

We started the week by hanging lanterns to celebrate Mid-Autumn Festival. At Parasol, which was packed with noisy Chinese boys (from Abingdon School?), Daddy asked an assistant if they sell mooncakes (the room went silent). The women screwed her face up significantly as she indicated in the negative. I know they taste awful, but there was no need to show it! Jeremy received his main text book this week but now, together with his laptop, has to lug a 12lb rucksack into school and back each day. This is good exercise for him, but he needs to leave home two minutes earlier than before. The mysterious walnut that fell on to the yard outside the house was in relatively good condition. So much so that Dominic ate a bit! We speculate that a large bird dropped it there. Daddy bought a massive frying pan from Harrods. He clumsily put the pan in his bag and took it out again in the kitchen. When he went to buy dinner, he found his bank card was missing. Panic! It was only when he showed the new pan to Dominic that he realized the shop assistant had put the card and the receipt in the pan. Amazingly, it stuck to a non-stick pan! Daddy dreamt about a massive fungus on a ceiling. Mummy says she will miss Macau and her hard-drinking, karaoke busting, Macau buddies!

Week of September 24th 2018 - Stoked computing

Jeremy is stoked about the computer science course he's taking at Abingdon College. His first full week of lessons went well, and he appears to be the brains in the class (teacher's sick of him answering all the questions etc). He won't be doing Interactive Computing -he'll be doing Security instead. We've been trying to keep his feet on the ground. Daddy watched football matches on the tellybox seven days in a row (some sortta record)! This had nothing to do with a dream he had about Heathrow and the delay because of a man with a spike through his arm and a broken finger. The lazy man at the desk and the correction of NHS (it should be NNS) are as confusing as County's new tactic of aiming for draws only. Silver grey Lorraine confirmed at a dinner at Nags that: skydiving is scary, she doesn't remember schooling in Duisberg, and she's rubbish at tax Maths.

Week of September 17th 2018 - Initial

Jeremy sat through a week of initiations at Abingdon College, including a HTML lesson he was not required to attend. His lesson schedule is quite light, with a late start every Monday and Fridays off. He has discovered that the two guys, in his class of 20, that he's befriended so far know his other friends (D&D etc). Daddy waited all day for Laonie of Breckon to turn up for an inspection. She arrived just after he had finished complaining about her tardiness on the phone. We boys had dinner at Broad Face to celebrate Jeremy's first week at college. Whilst we were there we overheard a large, loud, swarthy, woman (b. 1964) with short dark hair mention that she was an Army brat, and lived in Duisburg in the mid-70s. Mummy survived the Typhoon 10 in Macau, but the trees in Sai Kung didn't fare so well. Dominic only coughs when he laughs. He wasn't joking about one of developers, Andreas, leaving. Snaps for Cook, Anderson and Yates. Kewell Out!

Week of September 10th 2018 - A&W

After long, sometimes tortuous,  discussions with Brookes' David George and Abingdon College's Megan Ette, Jeremy has decided to do a Computer Level 3 course in Abingdon and go to Brookes next year. The decision was tilted after we were told that he would have to be considered an international student for all four years at Brookes (Foundation and BSc). There was a small hiccup at Abingdon after he indicated that he wanted to do a foundation course (which does not garner any UCAS points after the first year). However, when it was clear that the Level 3 course does, he plumbed for that. Registration at chaotic Abingdon took 4 hours. Daddy finally found an ASDAN IT certificate. Eventually, he got there, and he will be sticking with the gap year original plan. We celebrated the end of the process at the Crown. Dominic (who had his ID checked) was a bit worse for wear afterwards. Jeremy and Daddy both had hair cuts.  Emotional A.N. Cook's farewell ton. Mummy returns to LÓreal.

Week of September 3rd 2018 - Applying himself

Jeremy applied to Oxford Brookes and Abingdon College during the week, and is waiting for their decisions so he can make his. He's decided to spend a lot of time rough and tumbling with his friends: getting shot with arrows, getting hit with footballs etc. Rather than cook for two Daddy and Dominic went to Pablo Lounge in the Marketplace. Food, ambiance, clientele rated two/10. It is awful. Almost as bad as the Baby Shark song, which Daddy can't get out of his head (Dominic heard a little one singing it on the bus, and now knows what it's all about)! Hiding behind the sofa watching England beat India was partly to blame. His calls of Kewell Out went unnoticed. Dominic's cold subsided. We watched a movie about the fall of Dunkirk in an attempt to spot Great Grandad. Mummy got excited and confused when collecting Jeremy's new ID card (excited about seeing a new picture of him: and confused because she had never heard anyone say Jeremy's Chinese name (Tong Kit Ming) in public before).

Week of August 27th 2018 - Pastry palava

Dominic's kitchen confidence has reached a point where he feels he could tackle pastry-making. But his frustrations increased the more the pastry refused to co-operate. Covered in flour and after a lot of ball-making, we managed to get the pastry in a tin, and he scooped the chocolate in and decorated with braised pears - from Grandma's garden. His pear crumble was easier to make, although how the crumble ended up looking like pastry is hard to fathom. The whole process was a bit surreal. Daddy's very vivid dream went something like this: Someone asked some women sitting on tall stools in a coffee shop in Hong Kong to put their handbags on the left of their seats because it is easier to reach in with their left hand. Mummy was jealous that a girl fancied Daddy. Daddy then walked down a street, that smelled of pot, with someone who then ran into a small shop and came out quickly and started frantically looking in a large number of brown metal letter boxes, some open: some closed. Daddy watched from the top of some concrete stairs as a black man driving a small yellow tractor tried to drive it over a white picket fence. The tractor was attached to a large mowing trailer. Shearaton was using a large black video camera. It was suggested that the tractor cut the grass of a lawn with trees and a white fence extending in front of the stairs. Daddy had another dream, this time in New York, where he pointed out that he had got permission to hang a Juventus flag. Something very dark is going on or Daddy is mentally ill. Both boys have developed colds, probably due to the change in air temperature (Daddy caught his first ever cold sore). Dominic completed his peer-to-peer Hyperdrive project (12k words: 4k lines of code=125KB), with the boys in the office suitably impressed. County sacked Nolan: on Daddy's insistence. Mummy starts a new job with Clement at LÓreal.  A weedy flower appeared.

Week of August 20th 2018 - Military CED

Jeremy eventually received his A Level results. Assuming his IT result of CC was for a level 9 A Level, then his total UCAS points was 94. He needs 112 to go to Oxford Brookes next year (16% short). So, he will have to take a Foundation Course first (which was the general plan). He took the news in his stride, and it didn't affect the rest of his untroubled time in Hong Kong, which consisted of: staying with Mummy at Wo Che, Isabelle bought Alex and him a beer at Amaroni's, he shopped a lot, there was a mass gathering at Gab's, he watched the politically-charged movie featuring Winnie the Pooh (Xi) with Mummy. It would be difficult to describe Jeremy's journey back to England as smooth. The taxi that took him to the airport couldn't find Mummy's place in Wo Che. The rain was so bad, they couldn't see anything. Back in England, we woke to discover that, according to Flightaware, his flight was behind schedule by 40 minutes (because the luggage door won't shut), which meant he would miss his connection to London. By the time the plane reached Finland, the deficit was reduced to 10 minutes. However, his plane eventually arrived 50 minutes late, because, as the captain explained, there were military exercises going on and they had to circle Stockholm. When he eventually got off the plane (the footbridge didn't fit), Daddy told him to go to his original flight because it had not yet taken off. After a long wait through security (a 60 strong group of Chinese didn't understand how to use the screening machine), he heard something amazing over the airport announcement system: "Personal call for Mr. Jeremy Thompson, please proceed to gate F60 for boarding". He ran to the gate, and jumped on the waiting bus, to cheers and congratulations from the bus passengers. Once he settled down in his fourth window seat, the captain explained that 12 pieces of luggage had not been put on the plane. However, when he arrived at Heathrow, his bag was there. Daddy missed his entrance as he was calling SAS. We had burgers and caught the buses home. Daddy left at 4pm and we arrived home at 9.30pm. The two parcels that the Post Office refused to hand over were redelivered. Dominic celebrated Univers Lab's 6th anniversary. He put up with a 3rd year CS intern. He may have sleep walked during the night. Dominic paid for a boney fish and gammon dinner at the Crown as we pondered Jeremy's next steps.

Week of August 13th 2018 - Oh no! plum crumble

Jeremy's first week of his Hong Kong trip seems to have been dominated by food and women. Mummy has dragged him to: a Young Living meeting, dinner with ex-colleagues, hotpot with por por, lunch with Jasper, and a visit to Williams. His appointments with his optician and dentist went without incident. Daddy and Dominic have been trying to figure out how to make dinner for two, instead of the usual three. Daddy compiled a spreadsheet of all known addresses and dates of occupation since 1960. Dominic's scepticism was unfounded. Daddy's sick and tired of plum crumble. Summer is over.

Week of August 6th 2018 - Jeremy jets 

Jeremy tried to pack ahead of his trip to Hong Kong. Eventually, his suitcase inside a suitcase arrangement weighed-in perfectly at 23.5kg (until he was sternly told to remove his laptop). We had a pre-trip dinner on the island at Nags. Last minute shopping included: shortbread, brownies and cup soup. Grandad kindly drove us to Heathrow - in record time. Leaving at 6.10am was a shrewd move. Daddy suddenly realized that actually he should be worried, while he watched Jeremy check-in at the empty SAS desk. He eventually found Granddad and made it home by 9am (shum sortta record!). Daddy celebrated his birthday by suiting and booting with Dominic and lunching with Gparents at Malmaison (from one gaol to another). He was asked to park someone's car while having a smoke break. Later we ate the smallest tomato salad in history. Perfect Candy and  plums as Dominic's massive amount of plum crumble got a 10/10. An unlucky day: no Sky Go, missed the cricket, conjunctivitis, rotten orange, cloud masks Mars, missed Dominic's call, broken tomato stem. Katie and Daddy both had a melt-down.

Week of July 30th 2018 - Visiting shops

A full week with Mummy started with a visit by Eve (v). After lunch at The Jam Factory, they headed off to Bicester and returned with Lululemon stuff. We had a late tapas at home. We met her "brother" Eddie at Nags and took them on a tour of old Abingdon, followed by a plummy tea at Grandma's.  Mummy had a Galaxy bar (they're so cheap!) while watching Korean movies for breakfast, followed by lunch at Grandparent's (Europe is the best Knock Knock joke) and Pimms (which is gin-based) for dinner. Dominic had a director's cut by Adrian at Forresters. It was not good. Harrods refused to reply to an email for help with an unpacked bag. J had a reaction to the shrimps Mummy bought in Oxford. (The service is so terrible). We booked his flights to Hong Kong (3rd August 10am on SAS via Stockholm). Last minute shopping in OX with the boys. The lunar eclipse was a wash out. We caught a taxi at 4am to OX (Stg30) and arrived at Heathrow with plenty of time to spare for Mummy's 8am flight. Daddy was home by 9am after three seamless exchanges (train, coach and bus). Amazingly, Mummy only added a pound.

Week of July 23rd 2018 - Mummy arrives, all hell breaks loose

Daddy arrived at Heathrow at 1.30am and discovered the place was empty. It  is not possible to get to Terminal 4 (where Mummy's JetAir flight was arriving) at that time of night. So Daddy spent the night at a 24-hour Caffe Nero. Night shift workers came and went, and at 6am, the trains started moving.  The Spanish women who asked for directions to Green Park tube was astonished Daddy couldn't habla Espanol. Mummy managed to escape Daddy's nervous, first-date, gaze at the arrival hall. We got to Kensington for her meeting - exactly on time. Daddy spent the next eight hours wandering the museum district. He was hassled by some brats and desperately searched for power and toilets. The cheap hotel Mummy booked was awful (the windows in room 127 were permanently wedged open). We had dinner at the rough looking Prince Albert pub - the food was excellent. Daddy's 24-hour sleepless day ended at midnight. Mummy arrived in Oxford on Tuesday for a late dinner at a spicy Thaikhun. We visited Grandparents the following day. Daddy missed the postman by 10 minutes, but managed to get Grandma's birthday present to her before she left for Manchester. Her wow reaction was worth it. We spent an hour in Tesco, as Mummy warmed up her shopping skills. Mummy watched Mama Mia and subsequently endless ABBA videos. She shopped in Ox, we had a small picnic in the park and had a boozy dinner with L. She took the boys to Camden Market to shop for fakes and meet with girlfriends. The Peruvian food at Pashamama wasn't great, but the Pimms and dan tarts made up. Jeremy had a dream about a posh restaurant. The sunflowers are in full bloom. It rained on Friday.

Week of July 17th 2018 - Oh no! Put it back!

A gust of wind caused the trellis holding up the tomatoes to topple over. Dominic's reaction: Oh no, put it back! was classic parental angst. Daddy spotted a buzzard (his 52nd species of UK bird - not bad!) while searching for tree sticks to hold the tomatoes upright. Daddy was also proud of his idea of making this weekly diary into a book and giving it to Grandma for her upcoming birthday. Unfortunately, it will be delivered late so we couldn't give it to her over steak and chips. Mummy agreed that Daddy should meet her at Heathrow on Monday (despite not wishing to see his drippy eyes). On his way to the coach in Oxford, a street sleeper asked him for bus money. After agreeing, but only if he posed for a photo, he asked how much money would he receive and what's the photo for!  England lose twice in the week, to finish fourth in the World Cup. 

Week of July 9th 2018 - Penalty

Jeremy returned to Oxford to retrieve his jacket, but, as a penalty, he was made to wait three hours for the dinner shift at St. Edmunds. England won a penalty shoot out against some naughty Columbianos! Watching over the internet meant we were 30 seconds behind the roars from Abingdon's pubs and Angela in the US. The fact we received a (free) wrong order from Domino's before kick-off didn't affect the outcome. We were very confident Sweden would be rolled over. Our first embryo appeared, and has attracted some aphids. We boys have very clean eardrums as the wax removing liquid produced nothing but mirth. The t-shirts and belts at Fat Face were expensive, but we feel we need to support our local retailers (so we goofed about in Poundland as a reward).

Week of July 2nd 2018 - Jacketball

Jeremy went to his sixth form leavers' day and then to the year-end ball. The latter was not much of an event (7/10), except that he returned home the worse for wear wearing someone else's suit jacket. He may have been voted the sharpest dresser, but the brain was not so sharp. Still, after establishing that he was wearing Kai Sprat's clothing, he discovered that the jacket was still at St. Edmund's and he can pick it up anytime. Daddy and Dominic had dinner at Bella Napoli while he was out, and discovered that the locals will do anything for a few extra sun rays. We lost our electric rays for the third time in 11 months, due to a fault on E. St Helen Street. Power was restored after seven hours, during which we realized how dependent we are on electricity and the internet. We ended up watching the France WC match outdoors on the iPad. Our first child emerged during the week. Grandma put too much vodka in the Pimms at lunch.

Week of June 25th 2018 - Last day again

Jeremy went into school for the last time during the week (although he will return for various end of year events). The assessor of his photograph exhibition was impressed. Jeremy says he doesn't need to shave for a whole week. He got a bit noisy during a Chinese dinner at Lorraine's on account of the amount of wine that was consumed. The sun shone all week and the pistil and stamen of the tomato plants are showing. Everyone's excited about the winning football, cricket, F1 and rugby. Daddy is showing no signs of fatigue. Meatballs, burgers, omelette, fish and meals for the week. Dominic is getting like Chowder in the kitchen.

Week of June 18th 2018 - Aced it

Jeremy came out of his final Computer Science A Level exam and thinks he may have aced it. He has, therefore, officially finished his secondary education. He still needs to go into school to get his teachers to sign off, but basically his education journey has reached its second crossroad. We celebrated with some beers and a meal at Nags, and Jeremy tried his first whisky (Johnny Walker Blue) - he liked the way it warmed his heart. We recited stories about being accosted by Mormons (on bridges and buses) and finding penny coins (after having just given one away). We chased the newly installed Mayor of Ock Street after attending the sparsely-attended ceremony at the Brewery Tap. Daddy's been watching cricket and football all week.

Week of June 11th 2018 - DT dumps

Jeremy was down in the dumps after his DT exam: because he changed his mind mid session and it started 5 minutes late. Drinking Zyng and eating fish at Nags the night before didn't seem to help. An Amazon package arrived: Daddy's Noel Cowardesque cigarette holder works great (no burnt or stained fingers), Jeremy is baffled by the thick water from the new shower head, and Dominic can talk to Australia better with his new headphones. We watched canoeing at the weir, and a fellow female twitcher asked a question. Dominic's going overboard on strudel. He won't let Daddy anywhere near breadcrumbs after he burnt a batch. The latest power cut was brief, but so was the new light bulb. Mummy flew to Bangkok for a jolly jaunt with her girlfriends. The whole of Sesmarias is amazed that the Father's Day card, that Daddy foolishly mailed to the right address, was delivered, just in time, to a house with no post box!

Week of June 4th 2018 - John's dramatic grey screen

Jeremy had a non-eventful half term, mostly studying (sometimes with Dominic). He did venture out on a couple of evenings, visiting friends late at night. We finally got to visit the inside of the musty, rickety, and uncomfortable-looking, Unicorn Theatre. Daddy noticed that he can be officially described as a thespian grey beard. He dramatically dreamt about Andrew (although the electricity cut caused by a storm outside, the making of a sofa bed, children running around the house, a small dog and vomit in the bathroom suggests it was actually about Olivia's boy).  Daddy got a BSOD message on his computer - Memory Management. It soon passed. He passed Simon's News and decided to step inside to inquire about a cigarette holder (for his non-filtered cigarettes), only to discover that tattoo face (see below) was buying something. He was topless, drunk and swearing. The lady at the counter informed that his name is John, and he has a heart of gold. No holders, so we ordered online. Dominic has a bit of hay fever. England strike back. Bread and butter puddings all round.

Week of May 28th 2018 - Lucky criminal

Jeremy was informed this week that he is not a criminal (despite plenty of evidence in this diary to the contrary). His Enhanced Criminal Record Certificate was the final piece of the complicated puzzle he was required to solve before he can be paid for his child labour at the school library. Jeremy and Daddy had criminally expensive hair cuts during the week. We all ventured, suitably groomed, to the Old Anchor only to be told 1) their credit card machine had broken down 2) the snooker table was covering in junk and 3) they don't serve food after 8pm. This was a pity, because the band that was warming up sounded good, and the landlord was surveying customers on how to improve the experience. We went to the  Crown instead. Jeremy slept through the loud beeping of the telephone by his bed. It was 5am after all and he had just finished a bottle of IPA. Daddy hit the offending telephone and the jackpot on Candy Crush's daily wheel spin (first time in 2,000+ tries). Daddy's been making use of some awful tasting ciggies by cutting off the filters. Not quite Woodbines, but he's having flashbacks of his Grandfather. Froome won the Giro! But Liverpool lost and England were thumped at cricket.

Week of May 21st 2018 - Pleasing all round

Jeremy believes he did "better than last time" in his DT exam, which is encouraging. He was pleased that ergonomics came up. To celebrate we took turns reciting the witches at the opening of Macbeth, after breathing in the helium from his massive birthday balloon. Results were not as scary as expected. He had a slight fright because he lost (and then found) his USB with all his A level photographs on it. Daddy was pleased Notts lost to Coventry, because losing to Exeter would have been worse. Dominic's hair cut by Jess was pleasing to him, and Jeremy's whisky drinking made him quite happy too. The sunny weather has had an uplifting effect all round (with Daddy watching 7 hours of continuous sports (Zoncolan/FA Cup) as he once again avoided the sun). We transferred the tomatoes to the great outdoors: but they don't seem to like it very much as well.

Week of May 14th 2018 - Rite of passage

Jeremy spent the week revising for his upcoming DT exam, but also announced (ominously) that he got an A in his IT project, and a B in his DT one. Jeremy's 18th birthday fell on Mother's Day again. We had lunch with a massive balloon. The Stg90 he received will go towards a satchel he has his eye on. On the actual day itself, we ventured to the Nags Head, where he legally ordered his first round of alcoholic beverages (two Amstels and a Heineken). Jacob behind the bar disappointingly didn't ask for ID. They were polished off outside, with burgers. The weather has been pleasant, so we decided to transfer the tomato saplings to an outside container. Daddy is hoping our massive resident worm doesn't take a liking to them. It has grown so large it makes a rustling noise as it moves through the leaf litter. Mummy is becoming as slim as a wormbie, having lost pounds (down to 117lbs) by following a new diet (Jeremy hit 120lbs for the first time during the week). Daddy couldn't bite his tongue hard enough, as promised, when quizzed about the Amsterdam trip. He had back pain for a few days - a delayed reaction perhaps. Daddy met tattoo face again. He bemoaned the fact he can't smoke indoors as well. The other drunk who asked about the Old Gaol had some serious facial injuries and apparently prefers pubs to Costa.

Week of May 7th 2018 - Amsterdam windows

Jeremy took his photography A level exam over three days, while Daddy was away photographing Amsterdam. Daddy spent the first two days watching football at an Irish bar near the Art'otel. He visited the Rijksmuseum, the canals, the Red Light District and the Albert Cuypmarkt. The people of Amsterdam were mostly stoned and friendly: encounters included: a couple asked for 50 cents, a dude wanted to pay for a ciggy, a girl who asked her bf's permission to have her photo taken because she wanted a ciggy from me too, a Romanian rough sleeper explained his situation (predicted by a dream in early April), a black dude prayed at me while cycling past, a beggar fist-pumped when I explained I had no money too, explained my life-timeline to Irish Paddy, and a Greek Alex at the hotel bar (beers were on the house - he couldn't believe my name). It took three hours to get to Heathrow terminal 4, flight KLM 1010 took 45 minutes. 5 euros and 15 minutes from the airport by train to hotel near Centraal station. Small room was a disaster as beds were close together. Tried to sleep but it was too noisy, so went to lobby of boutique hotel and watched the sun rise. This arrangement was predicted in the outdoor bed dream of the previous week. Did this for the whole trip. Almost lost mobile. Daddy asked about the Coke he had just finished when handed a double Jacks. Returned home (by train at 8.07am, plane and two buses) on Sunday at 2.30pm.

Week of April 30th 2018 - Preparing old timers

Jeremy started the week by shaving his top lip and complaining about his hair. The lack of fluff didn't stop him trying to eat a massive fish n chips from the new chippy or the Krispy Kreme delivery. The fried vegetables from Parasol are not worth the money. Dominic's toad in the hole was a delicious delight. Jeremy has been cutting large amounts of paper in preparation for his photography exam next week. Daddy's been bracing for his Amsterdam trip by dreaming about outdoor beds, understanding Dutch people speaking to him and accepting an offer to enter a house. Birthday lunch for Thomas was underwhelming. We returned by quick taxi to watch N's loud Johnny Cougar Band (and their rubbish play list) at the Bowyers. Grandma got a little squiffy on G&Ts, while PJ started man dancing sober. Old timers! A black man asked us where he was, and some fool commented on our yellow umbrella. The weather's been cold and wet awful.

Week of April 23rd 2018 - Hot potatoes

We ate hash browns twice during the week, and Daddy also made a shepherd's pie - due to an overabundance of potatoes. Daddy dreamed about small holes appearing in the living room ceiling, and then a sprinkler head appearing in the middle, which then drenched the room. The thunder that usually follows hot weather in England had nothing to do with it, but it did wake Daddy up. It was nice to sit outdoors and eat with the Grandparents (there were no potatoes). Dominic panicked when he woke up at 8.30 am on Sunday morning because he thought it was Monday (Daddy missed a wake-up call during the week). Daddy made a omniglyph (using pebbles) in the yard, just for fun. Mummy has been lecturing on values/morals/IQ following last week's nice news. The other two 17 year olds are in general agreement - their values are fine. Mummy had a day off because of URTI. 

Week of April 16th 2018 - Stay at home

Jeremy spent most of the second week of Easter break in bed, as the weather was atrocious. He did venture outdoors, once, to photograph his DT table on a perfectly fitted wooden box. He also visited the Grandparents after their return from rainy Portugal. Daddy was pleased to see a charm of pugilistic goldfinches attack our local cherry blossom tree. Dominic's Google Home finally arrived. We attempted to communicate with it, but it's still learning. It can play Youtube videos on the TV, but most of the time it gets confused. Dominic finally got to see the super long and fast wormbie that has been fascinating Daddy all week. Mummy called her boys lazy bumps. She changed her hair to include a fringe. There was a ni(e)ce bombshell at the end of the week. We bumped into Mya and someone riding a bicycle in the sunshine.

Week of April 9th 2018 - Close shave

Jeremy had a shave for the first time. He awkwardly removed the stubble from his chin. He's been hanging out in a manly way with his friends all week. He stayed overnight on one occasion, but failed to get as drunk as everyone else (despite his best efforts). We boys ate at The Brewery Tap and had to endure listening to two mystifyingly pretentious actors drop names like: Alan Ackbourne. Dominic helped herd a confused swan back to the river near his office (swan remains off the menu, but lamb and chili dogs were). Daddy has decided to stop watching old episodes of Poirot after the puzzling dream he had. It started at an airport, but it was from the 1930s. The old Dakota aircraft had propellers and a small cabin, and you can see the pilot flying the plane. The take-off was slightly scary as the wings came close to clipping a line of trees. The approach to the airfield involved navigating through a high-rise cityscape. On landing someone announced that we had arrived in Romania. But I exclaimed I wanted to go to Poland. I complained to a very tall stewardess that she had not checked my ticket. Then, Jeremy appeared at the door of the aeroplane, gave me a big hug, and said "Mummy asked me to give this to you". It was a HK$500 note. Sunday lunch at Lorraine's included portraiture for Jeremy's A Level exam of Neil (gradually removing a beard he had been growing for the past week) and Thomas (Mya gradually applying lots of make-up on him). Neil looked like a criminal and Thomas looked like Robert Smith of The Cure. Stunning. Posh Nosh announced that they will close on Tuesdays. Stunning because Sami's was also closed. Daddy watched a stun-gunningly hairy stick-up unfold at Spa, involving the resident hooligan (red Mohawk, facial tattoos and piercings). Although the shopkeeper refused to serve him with any more alcohol, he politely insisted and then handed over a 20 pound note: even though it was not enough. The shopkeeper reluctantly accepted his assurance that he will pay him the other 8 pounds later. The tomato seedlings first appeared.

Week of April 2nd 2018 - Honest Easter 

Jeremy has started his two week Easter break. He brought back the table he made for his DT project by carrying it on his shoulders. He is waiting for his DT revision book to arrive via Amazon. Daddy thinks he did the right thing by passing a ten pound note he found down the side of the front seat of the taxi to the driver. He said he will put it in a charity box. We were travelling in to an Easter Sunday lunch at L, who, along with everyone else thought it was a stupid thing to do. Jeremy thinks his transformation portraits of Mya will be good enough for his exam. Jeremy and his five noisy friends were thrown out of The Narrows (the second hardest pub in town) by the resident bouncers, because some were underage. He returned home soaking wet (water not beer). We’ve been really confused by British Summer Time because it’s still light when Dominic gets back from work, and the weather has been so terrible (cold and wet: a bit like England’s cricketers).

Week of March 26th 2018 - PT meeting breeze

Jeremy has always been wary of Parent/Teacher meetings. However, as with all the others, he had nothing to worry about at his last one. His teachers seemed happy with how he's progressed. On the way out of school, Daddy stopped cold in the corridor for some reason. He turned and saw some old newspaper clippings on the wall. They were about the start of Britain's participation in the Great War, which was reported on August 5th 1914. This was peculiarly creepy. Daddy spent another particularly curious day, cutting his nails, cleaning the shower, doing the ironing, dying his hair and booking two flights to Amsterdam (say what!). We boys participated in Earth Hour by sitting at the kitchen table talking nonsense, illuminated by candlelight and devoid of the internet and electricity. In the semi-dark, Jeremy decided to open his letter with his National Insurance number (SZ 108380 *) but in the excitement, Dominic headbutted the kitchen wall. The change to Summer Time has caused much confusion, and it almost caught us out ahead of County's game on Sky. Upshot, we need a midfield: most other teams have one. We planted the tomato seeds.

Week of March 19th 2018 - Cake, toys and snow

The early part of the week was spent eating cake - for breakfast and tea and after dinner. This was compounded by the delivery of more of the stuff as Grandma felt the urge to feed us again before she heads off to Portugal. We also ate at the Old Anchor, even though it is "out of town". It's a bit scruffy, and the pool table is uneven (J lost twice despite his greater experience). But the burgers and beers were fine. J is not yet 18, but he will finally receive his National Insurance number by post after waiting 18 minutes to get through on the phone and three minutes of basic questions. It appears the powers-that-be know of his existence. We boys mourned the imminent non-existence of Toy R Us by making one last trip to the Botley Road store. We bought a TIE fighter to replace the one that was given/thrown away. On returning home on the #4 bus, it started snowing and didn't stop until Sunday. Again, not enough for a snowman, but the icicles were a new development. If I complete another 23 lines this week, this diary would have passed the 10,000 line barrier on a standard word file. It's currently running at over 124,000 words.

Week of March 12th 2018 - No gnomes

It rained on Jeremy's return to school, but his umbrella broke, so he called for assistance. Daddy walked quick time to John Mason, only to discover he was waiting at Stretton Way. Despite the warmer weather, Daddy made a very tasty cabbage soup. On discovering that everyone else had bought Grandma a Mother's Day present, Daddy went into shopping mode. We decided that we would buy a gnome for her garden. But we failed to find one - even in the local charity shops. In the end, Daddy bought a little bottle of prosecco and truffles. We celebrated three birthdays on the same Sunday lunch and arrived home with a mountain of cake. Jeremy's cough dissipated. Mummy's losing staff. 

Week of March 5th 2018 - Snow days

Jeremy came home from school covered in snow, which was brought to us by the Beast from the East (surely not Mummy! Ed). This tomfoolery managed to exacerbate the cold he was carrying which turned it into a dry cough that persisted through the week. It didn't prevent him from shopping with Daddy's card at the local Co-op. But by Thursday he was bedridden, while the snow got heavier. It was powdery, so we could only manage to build a mini-snowman. The mirage of the grandparents trudging through the snow with emergency food was a sight for hungry stomachs. The snow increased the usual greetings by complete strangers that Daddy encountered in the street. We were all snowed in on Friday. The temperature hit lows of -14 degrees, but returned to +10 by the weekend.  

Week of February 26th 2018 - Mummy's party return

Mummy returned to Shatin and promptly started partying (she arrived home at 5am after one marathon eating and mahjong session). The flight was early arriving, and Mummy slept through the whole flight. We bumped into an Elmer Fudd look-alike (complete with coonskin hat and a drippy nose) on the Heathrow bus. The bus driver pointed out that Daddy had not stayed long at the airport. The boys resumed their work, and takeaway diets. Daddy dropped a speaker while vacuum cleaning and concussed the computer. Daddy caught up on a lot of sports.

Week of February 19th 2018 - London and Lorraine 

We arrived by foot at one of London's worst hotels on Inverness Terrace (after lunch at Boisdale) and were pleasantly surprised. The receptionist smiled as she told us our room was in the basement, next to the breakfast room, down a narrow set of steps. No windows, tattiness everywhere, but the beds looked ok, and the bathroom was clean. We headed to Covent Garden and then Chinatown to meet Manin at Flatiron (after a 2 hour wait in Cinnamon Bazaar). We arrived back at the hotel and discovered it was next to Gparent's favourite Chinese restaurant. Mummy and Daddy traveled the next day to Acton by tube, only to find the place was empty. Little Tokyo only has one cafe (Cafe 11 on 11 Queens St). The nice Iranian lady got us a cab. Mummy forgot her gloves. Organic paid for the taxi. Daddy mistakenly took the tube from North Ealing, and had to change four times to return to the hotel. We traveled to Trafalgar Square by tube. Daddy took the shortest lift in the world (for disabled persons) while looking for Jeremy at the National Portrait Gallery. The guard says he's seen hundreds of fools do it. We sat for lunch in the wrong restaurant, and managed an hour before meeting Mummy at Oxford Circus tube. and shopped at Fortnums. We ate at the Royal Court in ChinaTown, bought lanterns and a pomelo. Mummy dropped her glove in the supermarket, but someone picked it up and put it on the counter. Final day was spent in Borough Market. Coach door broke. Daddy randomly grabbed Stg2.60 to buy milk, the single Valentines rose at Spa was Stg2, while milk was 59p. Mummy made hotpot. Jeremy rolled the pomelo, we wore new clothes. We had Chinese food and sake at Gparents with Andy and a slimmer Diane. We ate Chinese in Summertown with L&N, Jeremy was attacked by hailstones, Mummy had an unproductive trip to Bicester. Jeremy's blind test for the new water filter flopped, as devious Mummy failed to disclose that one of the glasses had lemon in it. We walked around a quiet and muddy Dorchester with L&N. We ate Chinese at L&N's place with David/Claire. Mummy tortured Daddy with a magnetic trident.

Week of February 12th 2018 - There and back again

Daddy's first day back in Hong Kong started with Super Bowl 52, lunch with Jo in apm (her story about not wanting to cross the tunnel was a classic), and then the afternoon with Irene at her office. The evening was spent talking to Isabel and eating char siu with Mummy in Festival. His last day was mostly sleeping, rushing to visit some old haunts and waiting for Mummy to finish work. We arrived at the airport, she ate at the lounge, while Daddy searched for a smoking booth (after saving Stg180 of duty). We had an empty seat between us on the plane, with the Virgin flight again 3/4 full. Daddy had a confrontation with the seat in front of him. UK Border stops us for questioning, and after an hour let us pass. We caught the 35 bus home to see the Gparents. It took another 19 hours door to door (due to eating diversions). Mummy 122lbs. Dinner at Nags with Granddad and Neil. We saw a brief snow flurry. Dominic had a hair cut, and Jeremy had his brows trimmed after lunch at Brothers.

Week of February 5th 2018 - Hong Kong bound

We decided to switch to Radio One this week, to trial its contents. Too childish was the overall response. Jeremy finally got the hair cut he desired. We ate at the Crown ahead of Daddy's lightning visit to Hong Kong. He left home on Saturday at 5pm, and walked through Heathrow checks - as he was travelling light. He was asked to move to another window seat on a 3/4 full Virgin flight. It's rapid arrival (10 hours) meant he arrived at Irene's at 7pm on Sunday. Door to door it took 18 hours. Mummy was still on the sea coming back from Macau. She eventually arrived and brushed aside Daddy's excited attention with the classic: "that's enough!" His chivalry didn't impress her, unlike everyone else who thought Daddy was acting quite the romantic.   

Week of January 29th 2018 - Booked standard flight, Easy

Jeremy ripped up the town eating pizzas and frightening the residents on a Friday night (sounds like standard fare around these parts). His IT mock grade was also fairly standard. Dominic finished EasyHotel but is still coughing. However, he did manage to put on two pounds (to 127lbs) after eating Grandma's leftovers. He's been trying his hand at 5 ingredient recipes with great success. Daddy successfully booked a flight to Hong Kong so that he can escort Mummy through immigration. The direct flight with Virgin was quite cheap (after the duty free discount). Mummy got a bit squiffy at I's hotpot gathering. Apparently, there will be another one next Sunday when Daddy arrives. The curious case of Rodney's visit in April evolved over the week. 

Week of January 22nd 2018 - Paid leave

Jeremy spent the first two days of the week in bed, because he had study leave. He finally went to school and volunteered to assist in the library (for which he is paid Stg8 an hour). He's breaking in his new shoes, appreciating the apricity, cheating at cards and therefore coming home late. His latest photoshoot was weird. Dominic is still coughing (so much so he's strained his side). It snowed, but not hard enough to do anything except think of what could have been. Granddad was readmitted to Nuffield with a temperature and a swollen ankle. He couldn't attend brother Alan's funeral.

Week of January 15th 2018 - Mocking coughing

Dominic couldn't make into work for the first two days of the week because of the rampant disease embedded throughout the whole of Oxfordshire (apparently the epicenter of the flu outbreak). Andrew, Granddad, Thomas and three of D's his colleagues were laid low by it. Mummy was promoted to Executive (twice) during the week and should recruit Young Living to help fight the bug. It's diffusions, and lotions and potions, do seem to have a relieving affect. Particularly, because rubbing Vicks on D was so uncomfortable. Jeremy escaped the bug, and, despite some nice revising with Dominic (in between coughs), didn't do as well as he would have liked in his IT mock exam. Design theory, which he took on the same day, was much better. He walked back and forth to his exams at school three times during the day. 

Week of January 8th 2018 - New Year cough

The week started with fireworks (two) over Abingdon to bring in the New Year. We got up just in time to make it to our new yearly meeting with Neil's family at the King's Arms in Sandford (our fourth time since 2012). Jeremy tested his new laptop all week (wooden spoon etc), and pushed it further now that we upgraded to BT fibre. Dominic caught a touch of workitis the day before he returned to work. His temperature required that we (over)use the ear thermometer. We subjected his persistent cough to all sorts of remedies (Grandma's chicken soup etc), but the Young Living cough mixture (honey, lemon, frankincense, and peppermint) was the most potent. Daddy dragged the Xmas tree to be recycled in the Marketplace - watched by the crowd. The town is now littered with needles. Jeremy seemed to have caught a bout of the post-Xmas blues. Dominic's birthday was spent in bed. Mummy bought her ticket for 7th February - so we will celebrate it properly then.    

Week of January 1st 2018 - Boxing out

Jeremy startled us and himself by getting up at 8am to open his Christmas presents. Usually we have to drag him out, but the lure of his brand new laptop was too much for him. After setting it up to run, we set off for lunch at the Grandparents (with Lorraine) We didn't get to see Andrew or David because, due to the discomfort of Granddad's knee, Boxing Day was cancelled. Jeremy completed his camera accessory presents (a tripod and filters) when we went to visit the Grandparents later in the week. That visit was only interesting because Daddy pulled a dead  mouse from the pool and left it at the end of the garden, only for it to have disappeared an hour later- no Christian burial for that poor soul. The rest of the week was dominated by A.N. Cook carrying his bat, and lots of rest. The frost was disappointing because everywhere else had snow. 

Week of December 25th 2017 - Mail fail

Jeremy started his holidays and wished the days away after Daddy bought him a new Dell laptop for Christmas. UK Mail failed on its first attempt to deliver despite the instructive note on our postbox. We mostly hibernated ahead of the Solstice. Daddy was quite ill for most of the week with a blocked nose. He recovered by defusing Tea Tree in time for dinner at Nags with L. Dominic 124.2lbs.  

Week of December 18th 2017 - Snowman survivor

The snow was so bad that Jeremy didn't have to go to school for the first two days of the week. He ventured out only once - to buy some eggs. He doesn't like the white stuff. The snowman does - he survived in various forms until the end of the week. Daddy and Dominic went Christmas shopping in Ox (Uniqlo, M&S, Rymans, PC World). Daddy woke up to a blue screen - fortunately it was only a loose wire. Jeremy went to Bletchley to look at computers that didn't work. Dominic got a motherboard chopping board, won the quiz at his staff Christmas party and came home worse for wear. Bored Posh Nosh lads called Daddy back several times. Picked up presents (cooker and filters) from Post Office (the post box was too small!). Watched Last Jedi (8/10). Daddy dropped popcorn everywhere. Byrons for Stg70 burgers. We were splashed on our way to Christmas carols to finish the week. England collapsed every morning. Upgraded to BT Infinity. Council over charged us Stg63. Mummy in Macau again.

Week of December 11th 2017 - Snow

Granddad was discharged from hospital. His leg is 24'' in circumference (5" bigger than it should be). Visited and watched his stair descending skills. The boys were in high spirits carrying the Christmas tree home. Getting in the mood for Christmas. It snowed on Sunday, maybe two inches. Made snowman, treacherous conditions underfoot, but walked to St Helen's for Winter wonderland scenes. Jeremy decided he's not going to school, thus joining Dominic on his long holiday. England collapsed at cricket. Mummy in Macau again.

Week of December 4th 2017 - Red

Jeremy loves drinking the Red Ningxia Mummy bought him, despite its sour taste. He visited friends on Friday despite the cold (it was minus one on Thursday - but he used red protection). Management turned up unannounced. Daddy's hectic Saturday included: delivering furniture, watching Rock Choir, visiting Granddad in hospital (his stay was longer and more complicated than expected), watching a glitchy Honeyz (Celena saw Jeremy taking photos and remarked that she liked cameras) and the switching on of Abingdon's Christmas lights (with more fireworks), helping put up L's Christmas tree. He spied the red Rover's owner (a black neighbour). We ate stew and did another photo-shoot for Jeremy on Sunday.

Week of November 27th 2017 - Burger debacle

The week steadily got worse, with a power cut on Monday a big hint. Daddy tried to stay up to watch the cricket knowing defeat was inevitable. The events of Saturday will live long. We caught to X13 to JR assuming that was where Granddad had had his knee operation. Fortunately, Lorraine found out and drove us to an empty Nuffield. Granddad was drugged up and probably didn't even know we were there. Daddy couldn't buy his ciggies at two shops. We went to Westgate, which is badly designed as it is open to the elements. We decided on burgers at Tommi's. Three burgers eventually came to 42 pounds (the cashier said 9 then 22 before settling on the correct number). As they had forgotten the cheese and bacon, Daddy asked for a refund. An over-enthusiastic and intimidating Elmar returned 6 pounds, offered to give us another burger but we settled for three (very worn) free meal coupons. As predicted we missed the bus home by seconds. However, we did get home just in time for the fireworks. But England were then humiliated in the Ashes. Tommi's lifted our daily food bill to 4.25. We started to decorate for Christmas. It was wet and freezing cold all week.

Week of November 20th 2017 - Sweet as iron

Jeremy met with his teachers at Parent Evening, and came back with plenty of solid feedback and encouragement  We had to endure, as a consequence, another difficult photo-shoot on a wet lawn. Dominic is taking iron tablets to combat his tiredness and we switched to frosted Shreddies, because we were told the iron content is higher than Frosties. Turns out this is not the case (9mg vs 6.3mg/100g). Sunday tea at Grandparents was sugar-coated sweet. Mummy spent the weekend in Taipei with her family. She visited Shilin Nightmarket and ate and wore strange things. She suffered no side-effects, unlike the funny tummies caused by the iron pills (we've had to cut the dosage) 

Week of November 13th 2017 - Photo shoots

We set up two photo shoots during the week: the first using (cut-price) sparklers that Daddy bought at Harrods, and the second a retake of the death mask scene. All the effort caused J to flake out at night and he pulled his hamstrings. We ate pies and anchovies and Dominic's stew during the week. Remembrance Sunday was with half of Andrew's family (the leaves and Olivia left early). Curry lunch followed. Mummy spent part of the week at Macau's Rocks Hotel with a very classy lady. She told stories of: a schizophrenic (a maid and mistress), a shy taxi driver (kept hiding his face while driving fast), a badly dressed woman, two suicidals (one wanted to jump, the other talked about it on the phone) and a man that was startled when he woke up on the bus.

Week of November 6th 2017 - Model

Jeremy was a model student for the whole week. He got his first ever A* for DT, achieving 12/12 on an unprepared test. He then discovered, after it was pointed out by various people, that a photograph of him studying was used on a pamphlet advertising Larkmead's 6th Form. Daddy had to contend with another model, as a dirty red 2003 Rover (from #15) decided to park in our car park space. A stern note on its windshield seems to have done the trick. He went to a overrated dim sum restaurant in Summertown with L and parents and messed up Neil's surprise visit. Jeremy's picky about eating too. He was left with the remnants of a Co-op pie on his plate, but refused to eat it, claiming it wasn't real food. His spooky drowning photo shoot was painful on the nose. We both had hair-cuts. Thames Water harassment.

Week of October 30th 2017 - Walking movies

Jeremy's half term was spectacularly uneventful as he spent most of the time sleeping, going for walks and watching old Japanese sword movies. He did venture out for two walks (Abbey and Ock) to photograph the arrival of Autumn, and in particular the many different things you can do with leaves. We spotted a kingfisher and a weasel for our troubles. Daddy attracted crowds of people while posing in bushes.   

Week of October 23rd 2017 - Fishy delays

This week's dinner average was bumped up on Monday because we were hoping to eat at the Runaway Fair, but when we got there it had finished. So we ate at The Narrows, which is a Weatherspoons. The fish and chips were devoid of fish, and the place is a dump. Unlike Busan, which is where Mummy spent the whole week, eating seafood and shopping like crazy. J started half term at his friends place. Daddy's week stunk. He got his P45, as well as an apology from Breckon (a week late) about a call from Spark, who had inform us that we had to move out of the flat. The plumbers finally fixed the boiler (a month after asking), by soldering a new valve in place. HSBC stopped Daddy's card and still haven't sent the chequebook (a month after asking).

Week of October 16th 2017 - All's Fair

The start of the week was dominated by the arrival of Abingdon's Michaelmas Fair. We visited on both evenings, and took plenty of photos. Daddy was especially trigger happy because he fixed his inactive Sony NEX by shaking the lens. Dominic's handmade cinemagraph was good. We ate expensive burgers and hot dogs, while Jeremy went overboard on the sweets. He was fortunate to be hugged by a large school friend, because it helped him open his candy floss. Attendance was lower than last year (possibly because it was warm and dry (shome mishtake! - ed)). There were some negatives through the week: ParentPay site was down when needed, the chequebook was never sent, Daddy pulled a muscle, it was very windy. We stayed in and watched cult movies (Dune and Blade Runner) and saw similarities and co-incidences everywhere:. Mummy flew to Busan in a typhoon. The plumbers turned up, reflated a balloon and left.

Week of October 9th 2017 - Failed, food recount

In a week when very little happened, I shall recount our dinners (cost in brackets) for the past seven days. Monday: Domino's pizzas (19), followed by beef and ale pie and chips (7), Chinese takeaway from the new shop on Bridge Street, (15 same price as Parasol but not as nice), kebabs from Sami's (13), burgers and chicken from Posh Nosh (14), Saturday was highly-rated Co-op pizzas (8) and the week ended with Dominic making breaded chicken, carrots and mash (? he bought from Waitrose). The plumber and the chequebook failed to turn up. The new router hasn't really improved the wifi reception in the house. Daddy spent the week groaning at the failed performances of England's winning footballers. The lanterns went up for Mid-Autumn. We switched the heating on. 

Week of October 2nd 2017 - Writers conclusion

Bringing the writers story to its conclusion, Dominic visited Tolkein's grave and found the coins on the headstone and rose bush (partially pruned) as expected. However, he was surprised to see a wreath from the Tolkein Society, which had been placed there to signify the end of Oxonmoot. We have now recited the whole tale to whoever has the patience to listen. The general reaction has been one of ambivalence. Most people suggest it is a sign that Dominic will be a great writer too (although his forte will probably be code rather than novels). We struggled to understand the significance through the week, even during a late Friday night dinner at Bella Napoli. The sea bass wrapped in Parma ham was especially tasty and expensive. Lorraine's Sunday all-day breakfast lasted all day. 

Week of September 25th 2017 - The right writers

Jeremy's school requires him to pay for certain items by writing cheques. So after redeeming a Java coffee coupon with Dominic (he was off work for the last two days of the week), Daddy applied for a chequebook. The following day Daddy suggested Dominic walk to Culham (he is one for a good walk). On his way there he discovered that our favourite author, George Orwell was buried in nearby Sutton Courtney. After inspecting his photo, Daddy noted that JRR Tolkein (another favourite) was buried nearby. In fact he is resting in Wolvercote (where Dominic now works). Photos on the internet of Tolkein's grave show a rose bush, similar to the one on Orwell's grave. The co-incidences continued as we know that both were born overseas (as are we). They were highly skilled in their particular genres (satire and fantasy) and were rated the 2nd and 6th best post-war English authors by the Times. We decided to pay another visit to Sutton. We lunched after getting off the bus too early at The Fish (as Dominic had done the day before). Although the typical French music was annoying, and the waiters recognized Dominic, the starters were delicious (cod roe pate, Caesar and chicken in filo). On arriving at Orwell's grave, we discovered that the rose bush had been freshly pruned and that copper coins (as is the tradition) had been placed on the gravestone. We read passages from Animal Farm, which we gave to Dominic on his 12th birthday and barely sang Beasts of England. More to follow. Our attempt to eat out on a Friday night was successful on the 3rd attempt (Napoli and ASK were full). Daddy's wild boar and chorizo burger at Wildwood was just right. 

Week of September 18th 2017 - Nip and K-pop

Jeremy's first full week back at school passed without incident - except the flooding and the unpredictable weather. We ventured out to visit the top of Abingdon Town Hall during a break in the weather. It's still very hot in Hong Kong. Daddy accepted Fergus' apology for losing his first-edition Octopus card. Mummy spent a lot of time with him and Charlie showing them the sights and smells of Mongkok and Tai O. She refused to walk the steps to the Giant Buddha. As they nipped over to Shanghai, she popped over to Korea. Mummy's trip to Seoul probably means that the North will not do anything reckless - because disturbing four Cantonese women while they shop and eat would be mighty dangerous. She didn't even notice that a rocket flew overhead.

Week of September 11th 2017 - Rough and tough

Jeremy's first week back at school was intermittently rough and tough, with days on and off. Daddy failed to wake up on time for the first time. J's IT AS result was OK'd. Flat inspection was fine (he returned the umbrella I lent him). The King's Head is rough and the calf's liver tough. Lorraine's roast was enough nosh for a whole day. The boys at Posh Nosh need to think of another joke. Wins for Notts, Froomey and against the Windies! 

Week of September 4th 2017 - Ovo spiders and finished projects

Jeremy's final week of his summer holidays returned to a consistent pattern of sleeping, eating and gaming. He barely ventured outdoors (the only time was to visit his grandparents for dinner at which Grandma confirmed that "ovo" is a naughty Portuguese word). Dominic's latest project at work came to a conclusion at the end of the week - so he can relax for a while (and has stopped coughing). The evenings will be different now that GoThrones and Twin Peaks have finished. The boys finished putting together Jeremy's summer IT project. We had issues with spiders with Jeremy watching one walk into his room and Daddy killing a giant house spider (the corpse of which put the willies up Dominic).

Week of August 28th 2017 - Leaving us again

The new week started with a major coincidence. Mummy decided to go to Carvoeiro to see the sunset. After climbing the wrong side of the cove, we arrived in time for the sunset, only to discover the sun was partially eclipsed by the moon. Dinner at Martin's grill included bacalhau and tiger prawns. The fog rolled in during our long wait for the taxi home. We finally got to eat at Luisa's (anchovy pizza and pooey pooey chicken). We caught the Euro65 taxi to Faro at 10am. We said goodbye to Mummy at the EasyJet check-in queue. We were home at 10pm after eating in Gatwick as we waited for the bus. Our suitcase weighed 19.5kg there and back. Daddy 158lbs, Jeremy 120lbs (no change). Few birds and no drains in Portugal. We had stories to tell at lunch with G'parents. 

Week of August 21st 2017 - Walking on sunshine

Daddy got naked on the first day, and continued the theme for the rest of the stay. Noodles dinner. Mummy woke at 6-7am every day. The taxi to Intermarche cost Euro30 both ways, which was almost as much as the food we bought. Mummy broke her glasses, the taxi clipped a car's mirror. Dinner at Casa Joao was an all-you-can-eat buffet. Mummy thought the goats were dogs. Daddy ended up with 8 mosquito bites. Mummy says Sesmarias should be renamed Sesame (it's easier). Pasta meatball dinner, looked at stars, drank cheap wine. Dinner at Oregano: swordfish, prawns. Beer is cheaper than Coke in Portugal. First walk to Carvoeiro. Bought pottery. Chorizo omelette. Jeremy's exam results were a grade below expectations. Jeremy was forced into the cold pool. Dinner at Casa Joao, Mummy insists the band is pronounced E u themic. Walked to Carvoeiro again. Built sandcastle. Lunch at sweaty man's cafe. No Lexi arrived. Beggar's dinner.    

Week of August 14th 2017 - Preparation Portugal

The week was dominated by preparations for our holiday with Mummy. Dominic's visit to a doctor was completely unhelpful. We had hair cuts. Overheard in a card shop: I'm going to Vienna, have you been there? I get confused with Verona: Switzerland? No, Austria. Buying Euros was a pain: used HSBC because the Co-op was difficult. We left Abingdon at 11pm on Saturday, and arrived in Oxford to catch the midnight bus to Gatwick, driven by a deaf old man. We waited for our 8am flight by eating breakfast at 5am. Flight was on time, but our bag was on the wrong carousel at Faro. Met Mummy at 1pm. We managed to negotiate the taxi ride to Sesmarias down to Euro85. Taxi driver couldn't find the house, but, after three determined tries we found it. Pizzas from Casa Joao.   

Week of August 7th 2017 - Sesmarias decided

Daddy's anni/birthday topped off an uneventful week - with Jeremy continuing to employ his hibernation tactics to tackle the cool weather conditions (we wore jumpers for most of the week). The screaming swifts have left us. It was our first wedding anniversary apart - we've survived 28 - so celebrations were muted. The birthday dinner at Lorraine's was dominated by Portugal - now that Mummy has finally decided to meet at Sesmarias. Tickets have been booked (Luft/Easyjet). Daddy gratefully received a bowl of pate and a terrible limerick as birthday presents. The boys took their old man to Wildwood for dinner. Dominic's slight, dry, cough has become so annoying he has had to register at and book a local doctor.  

Week of July 31st 2017 - Walkies

Jeremy hardly ventured out of the house for the whole week. The only two he did was to be fed by Grandma, followed by a walk to the Thames. On the first occasion he fixed an email bug and helped build a bench. This exertion and the walk reduced him to falling to sleep on a bench. The second time with Dominic was a gentle affair. He photographed his travels. Daddy's been watching sports and figuring out if we are meeting Mummy in Italy or Portugal next month. The latter seems the best bet. The torrential rain during the week had no impact on the lucky dips. Dominic's mysterious allergy cough continued, while Daddy's conversation with a difficult-to-understand Geordie BT operator was quite surreal.

Week of July 24th 2017 - Indoors

Jeremy spent the whole of his first week of his summer holiday indoors (to avoid the rain but mostly out of bone idleness). The only time he ventured out  was  to see an exhibition of drawings by Raphael at the Ashmolean. He was impressed with the artist's skill at drawing knees and bulges. We had burgers for dinner with Dominic and discovered they both have double-jointed thumbs. Daddy eventually fixed the alarm after the mid-week power outage. He was very happy to see, by chance, Abingdon's Traditional Morris Dancers performing outside the Punchbowl. Dominic has a small cough: but it didn't stop him enjoying Univers Lab's fifth anniversary party. He refuses to close his mouth while watching old episodes of Twin Peaks (which we do most nights).

Week of July 17th 2017 - Work work play

Jeremy spent the week on work experience at Univers Labs (rated mostly 7/10). He traveled each day with Dominic by bus, spent the day writing code for a game called Dungeon and returned home as fresh as a daisy. Dominic, on the other hand, flaked out daily (as usual) because, as Jeremy observed, he's constantly having to attend meetings, put our fires and get his own work done. Whereas Jeremy was not particularly open about his work experience (he did take notes), his reports on what Dominic does all day was revealing. The net result of Jeremy's work experience was a massive 3% gain in body weight to 120.4lbs (because he walked less and had lunch with Dominic every day). The increase in body mass didn't seem to affect his trip to London to meet a League crew member from Hong Kong (who is studying over the summer at LSE). His friend pointed out how unlucky Jeremy has been. So he mistimed the bus back from London and missed the midnight/last bus from Oxford. The taxi asked for 30 pounds. The painters made a mess of the outside of the house after fixing the windows and door. The boys can't beat each other at stone, paper, scissors because they are telepathic.

Week of July 10th 2017 - Celebrate the sunshine

Jeremy finished his last day of Year 12 at Larkmead - so we went to ASK to celebrate (the 25% discount). Mummy spent the whole week celebrating her birthday. We toasted the return of the Grandparents in their garden - after reciting Hail Marys at a candle from Fatima. Daddy celebrated British wins at various sports: rugby, cricket and Le Tour. Dominic's been familiarizing himself of the wonders of the original Twin Peaks. Average cost of dinner per head 3.42 pounds. The sun shone all week, but no one seems to be able to shine a light on the etiquette for when a stranger (bearded or otherwise) offers you an unexpected greeting.

Week of July 3rd 2017 - Prom nom

Jeremy (against his Father's advice) went to the school's year-end dinner. He got dressed up, but returned home promising not to go to these tings anymore. Talk of human pyramids and the consumption of alcohol was all that he would say. Mummy is starting her pre-birthday lunches and dinners, and stayed over at Wendy's. Dominic went to sunny Egham (for free: saved 50 pounds) for some sort of celebration, with a picnic, softball and frisbees. Our cost of dinner per-head was doing fine (4 pounds) until we went to the Broad Face. It may be Michelin starred, but it's at a price. The Sikh at the Spa counter offered Daddy a Ferrero Rocher (which was gracefully declined because he's watching his figure). The boys, though, are gaining some weight (D: 123lbs J: 118lbs still).

Week of June 26th 2017 - Sunflower exhibits

Jeremy has started work on his A2 subjects. He's planning on making a Gentleman's High-class Outdoor Smoking Table (G-HOST). He's also exhibiting his AS art and photographs at school. He received a letter thanking him for his mentoring. Daddy finally unblocked the shower drain, fixed the smoke detectors and started growing sunflowers in the yard (after a false start because some critter ate the first batch of seedlings). He felt bad for David. Daddy had a bath for the first time in a year. We boys managed a tapas and facials evening, even though the heat has been turned down. Not for Mummy though, as she played MJ in Shenzhen, ate lots of crab and went swimming with her friends (as a means of cooling down). Her knowledge of US (Missouri) literature is really good!

Week of June 19th 2017 - Heatwave

Jeremy went into school and painted a board in preparation for his photography exhibition, attended art on his own, and voted Lib at a shadow election, which Labour won. Daddy spent Saturday with his brothers in leafy Bromsgrove. Drinks in the heat at the Ladybird Inn was followed by a visit to: Claire's lovely flat, a wine bar, and tapas to finish. Daddy slept with a wooden spoon (which he mistakenly took from the tapas bar) at the local Travelodge. Arrived back for lunch with L at Nags for Father's Day. It was our second visit of the week as we boys completed a two pub crawl on Friday night. The boys bought their old man a pair of carpet slippers. Daddy forgot to get a card for his dad, but he appears to have gotten away with it. Dominic hair cut. He had a small bout of something lurgy - it quickly passed.

Week of June 12th 2017 - Dis-alarming

Jeremy finished his AS exams with a flourish. He seemed to be quite happy with his IT papers. He arrived home early most days of the week, and will do so for the rest of the school term. His gas and back pain magically disappeared. Dominic moved office, and, despite the need to change bus, still only requires an hour to get in. Dominic and Daddy were pleased with the outcome of their tactical voting at the General Election. Taking photos of a double rainbow (in pyjamas) was a good omen. We visited Wantage by bus, only to find that the birthday boy was falling over inebriated. The boys compensated by having a Jaegerbomb race. We fixed the fire alarm by disarming it.

Week of June 5th 2017 - Half-term went

Jeremy's half term started alright with a trip to a friend's place. But his reluctance to leave his bedroom after that was disappointing as he missed the fine weather. He was finally dragged to a photo shoot at St Helen's Church and the short firework display (the fifth in 7 months) after the local Music in the Park event. The bulk of the week was spent revising for his IT exam with Dominic. This seemed to involve a rabbit and its poop. D's dream about Maths at Shatin was highly symbolic. Daddy signed up with Driver Hire. Don't know where the week went...but it's gone!

Week of May 29th 2017 - Relaxed in the sun

Jeremy relaxed after his DT exam and ahead of half term. He still managed to do some IT revision with Dominic. Daddy spent the week being entertained by various family visits. He discovered that there are no buses to Ox rail station any more, so had to carry some bags belonging to Mummy's friend through town. The warm weather has got Daddy in the mood for some creativity. ArtAsia Magazine asked to use one of Daddy's photos. We made an A Line along the Ock River and visited the White Horse for drinks as the sun continued to shine. Mummy has a small cold, but she looked well at the mother's BBQ.

Week of May 22nd 2017 - Rearranged

After putting up with sleeping in the sitting room,  Daddy decided to rearrange the house by moving a bed into the corridor. All we need to do now is figure out where to put the red sofa, which is currently in front of the store room. High tea at Grandparents was delicious. Jeremy prepared for his Design exam by chomping down a whole grilled chicken from Posh Nosh, which was also very delicious.We boys have spent a lot of time bonding by watching TV (more Silicon and Star Wars). Dominic announced his big pay rise and the end of his jet lag (after 8 hours of playing Civ). He was also captured on Google's Streetview after his colleagues were warned by Lou Lou that the car was heading their way. They stood in a line like a bunch of noodles as it drove past. Daddy ignored the PM in the Market Place. Jeremy's illness has passed so he had a hair cut, but Daddy might be suffering from hay fever.