10 Ways to Spot a Secret Service Agent

In honor of the April 2012 Prostitution Scandal in Cartagena, Colombia, here are ten sure-fire ways to identify a Secret Service Agent:

#10 – He packs a bulging roll of $1 bills.

  #9 – Owns a concert shirt from every stop of Charlie Sheen’s “Torpedo of Truth Tour.”

  #8 – Tells wife the multiple weekend ATM withdrawals are part of a small-bill
           counterfeiting sting.

  #7 – Off the clock, also answers to the name “John.”

  #6 – Wood-paneled basement features multiple Employee-of-the-Month awards from
           Clinton Era.

  #5 – His Craig’s List alias is MachoPig007.

  #4 – Has worry lines from keeping call-girls away from President’s secret stash of
           Marlboro Reds.

  #3 – Home DVR has only Burt Reynolds movies on it.

  #2 – Carries a doctor's note prescribing lap dances as best therapy for staying off
           his feet.

  #1 – At any moment, will take a pastie for the President.

                – by Jeff Burdick (April 2012) 

For more Secret Service laughs, 
enjoy this YouTube video: