via Stepcase Lifehack by Kit Cooper on
3/2/09From the interviews I have done with people on getting the most out of life,
it’s clear that assuming positive intent is an important contributor to quality
of life.
Most people appreciate the dividends such a mindset produces in the realm of
relationships. How relationships can flourish when you don’t assume
intentions that may or may not be there. And how their partner can become
an easier person to be around as a result of such a shift. Less
appreciated in the GTD world however is the productivity aspect of this “assume
positive intent” perspective.
Most of us are guilty of letting our minds get distracted, our energy sapped,
or our harmony compromised by thinking about what others woulda, coulda,
shoulda. How we got wronged by someone else. How a friend could have
been more respectful. How a family member could have been less
selfish.
However, once we evolve to understanding the folly of this mindset, we feel
freer and we become more productive professionally due to the minimization of
unhelpful, distracting thoughts.
The leap happens when we realize two things: 1) the self serving
benefit from giving others the benefit of the doubt, and 2) the logic inherent
in the assumption that others either have many things going on in their lives
paving the way for misunderstandings.
(Needless to say, this mindset does not mean that we ought to not confront
people that are creating havoc in our world. There are times when we need
to call someone out for inflicting harm in our personal lives or the lives of
others.)
Indra Nooyi, Chairman and CEO of Pepsi, says it best in an interview
with Fortune magazine earlier last year:
My father was an absolutely wonderful human being. From him I
learned to always assume positive intent. Whatever anybody says or does,
assume positive intent. You will be amazed at how your whole approach to a
person or problem becomes very different. When you assume negative intent,
you’re angry. If you take away that anger and assume positive intent, you will
be amazed. Your emotional quotient goes up because you are no longer almost
random in your response. You don’t get defensive. You don’t scream. You are
trying to understand and listen because at your basic core you are saying,
‘Maybe they are saying something to me that I’m not hearing.’ So ‘assume
positive intent’ has been a huge piece of advice for me.
In business, sometimes in the heat of the moment, people say things. You
can either misconstrue what they’re saying and assume they are trying to put
you down, or you can say, ‘Wait a minute. Let me really get behind what they
are saying to understand whether they’re reacting because they’re hurt, upset,
confused, or they don’t understand what it is I’ve asked them to do.’ If you
react from a negative perspective - because you didn’t like the way they
reacted - then it just becomes two negatives fighting each other. But when you
assume positive intent, I think often what happens is the other person says,
‘Hey, wait a minute, maybe I’m wrong in reacting the way I do because this
person is really making an effort.
“Assume positive intent” is definitely a top quality of life best practice
among the people I have interviewed for my book. The reasons are obvious. It
will make you feel better, your relationships will thrive and it’s an approach
more greatly aligned with reality. But less understood is how such a shift
in mindset brings your professional game to a different level.
Not only does such a shift make you more likeable to your colleagues, but it
also unleashes your talents further through a more focused, less distracted
mind.
Kit serves as executive director for Best Life Practices Foundation. The
website shares quality of life best practices discovered from in-person
interviews with well known types like Richard Branson and Tom Skerritt to lesser
known but equally interesting individuals. Kit also writes at
www.bestlifepractices.org/blog