Sunday Family Humour 12th June

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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Selling Bibles

Thanks to David H.

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles.
While
checking the church storeroom,
he discovered several cartons of new
bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the
congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for
$10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles.. But he had serious doubts about Louie  who was a local farmer, who had always kept to
himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment.
Poor Louie
stuttered badly. But, NOT WANTING TO discourage Louie,
the minister
decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars
stacked with bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the
results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack,
'Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our bibles last
week?'

 Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, 'Using my
sales prowess, I was  able to sell 20 bibles,
and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of
the church.'

'Fine job, Jack!' The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand...
'You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you.'

Turning to Paul, 'And Paul, how many bibles did you sell for the
Church last week?'
Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest,   confidently replied, 'I am
a professional salesman. I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and
here's $280 I collected.'

The minister responded, 'That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are
truly a professional
salesman and the church is indebted to you.'

Apprehensively, the   minister turned to Louie and said, 'And Louie,
did you manage to sell any bibles last week?' Louie silently offered
the minister a large envelope.

The minister opened it and counted the contents. 'What is this?' the
minister exclaimed.
'Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320
bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?'

Louie just nodded.

'That's impossible!' both Jack and Paul said in unison. 'We are
professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many
bibles as we could.'
'Yes, this does seem unlikely,' the minister! agreed. 'I think you'd
better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie.'

Louie shrugged.. 'I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for
sh-sh-sh-sure,' he stammered.
Impatiently, Peter interrupted. 'For crying out loud, Louie, just tell
us what you said to them when they answered the door!'

'A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was,' Louis replied, 'W-w-w-w-would
y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible
f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you
j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and
r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??'


Wine


Wine



An amazing beach-walking animal

Thanks to Ray M.

Beach Walker



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No costs, nothing else needed. Welcome and thank you.

Thanks to Kara F.

A prediction from the year 1910

 about education in the year 2000

 
[At+the+School.jpg]
 



Scientific Conversions

 01.  Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi 
   02.        
2000 pounds of Chinese soup                           =     
Won ton  
 03. 1 millionth of a mouthwash                                    =        
1 microscope  
    04.                
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement                   =
1 bananosecond
 05.                
Weight an evangelist carries with God     = 
1 billigram
06.   
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour
Knotfurlong  
 07.              
16.5 feet in theTwilight Zone                 =
  1 Rod Sterling 
 08.                 
Half of a large intestine                          =
1 semicolon
 09.                 
1,000,000 aches                                   =
1 megahurtz
 10.                 
Basic unit of laryngitis                           =
1 hoarsepower
11.               
Shortest distance between two jokes      = 
A straight line  
 12.                
453.6 graham crackers                          =
1 pound cake 
13.                 
1 million-million microphones           `    =
1 megaphone 
14. 2 million bicycles                                               =  
2 megacycles 
 
 
15.                
365.25 days                                         =
1 unicycle 
 16.              
2000 mockingbirds                               =  
2 kilomockingbirds 
 17.              
52 cards                                                           =    
1 decacards
 18.                 
1 kilogram of falling figs                       =
1 FigNewton
 
19.                 
1000 milliliters of wet socks                  = 1 literhosen
20.                  
1 millionth of a fish                              =
1 microfiche
 21.               
1 trillion pins                                       =  
1 terrapin
 22.               
10 rations                                             =  
1 decoration
23.                 
100 rations                                          = 
1 C-ration
24.                 
2 monograms                                      = 
1 diagram
 25.                 


4 nickels                                             = 
2 paradigms
 

26.               

2.4 statute milesof intravenous surgical tubing 

at Yale University Hospital                  =

 

1 IV League 


 



Innovative Decorative Ideas

Thanks to Jane MacR.
Ideas 1



Ideas 2


Ideas 3


Ideas 4


Ideas 5


Ideas 6


Ideas 7


Ideas 8


Ideas 9


Ideas 10


Ideas 11




Amazing Street Magic

Thanks to David H.

Amazing Street Magic



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