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Sunday Family Humour 1st May

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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The Frying Pan

Thanks to Mark G.

Peter invited his mother for dinner and during the course of the meal
she couldn't help but notice how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two,
and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than
 met the eye.

Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered,
'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.

About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying,
'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan,
you don't suppose she took it do you?

'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Peter.

So he sat down and wrote 

"DEAR MOTHER,


I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE.. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT
  HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.

LOVE PETER"

Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read

DEAR SON,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU
  'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE BLOODY FRYING PAN BY NOW.

LOVE MUM




Creatures from the deep

Thanks to Ray O'.

Creatures from the Deep




Cocktail - A Great Bar

Thanks to Ray O'.

YouTube Video


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Home Depot Customer

Thanks to Ray O'

This picture is real and was taken by a Transportation
Supervisor for a company that delivers building materials
For 84 Lumber. When he saw it in the parking lot of IHOP,
He went to buy a camera to take pictures.
home depot 1
 
The car is still running, as can be witnessed by the exhaust.

The driver finally came back after the police were called,
And was found crouched behind the rear of the car, attempting
To cut the twine around the load! Luckily, the police stopped him
And had the load removed.

The materials were loaded at Home Depot. Their store manager
Said they made the customer sign a waiver.

While the plywood and 2X4s are fairly obvious, what you can't see
Is the back seat, which contains -- are you ready for this?

10 bags of concrete @ 80 lbs. Each!

They estimated the load weight at 3000 lbs. Both back tires exploded,
The wheels bent and the rear shocks were driven through the floorboard.


A Poor Scottish Farmer

Thanks to Tony H.

His name was Fleming, and  he was a poor Scottish farmer.
One day, while  trying to make a living for his family,
he heard  a cry for help coming from a nearby bog.
He  dropped his tools
and ran to the  bog.

There, mired to his waist in black  muck,
was a terrified boy, screaming and  struggling to free himself.
Farmer Fleming saved  the lad from what could have been a slow and  terrifying death.



The next  day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the  Scotsman's sparse surroundings.
An elegantly  dressed nobleman stepped out
and introduced  himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming  had saved.


'I want to repay  you,' said the nobleman. 'You saved my son's  life.'

'No, I can't accept  payment for what I did,'
the Scottish farmer  replied waving off the offer.
At that moment,  the farmer's own son came to the door of the  family hovel.


'Is that your  son?' the nobleman  asked.

'Yes,' the farmer  replied proudly.

'I'll make  you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of  education my own son will enjoy.
If the lad is  anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to  be a man we both will be proud of.'
And that he  did.


Farmer Fleming's son attended the  very best schools and in time,
graduated from  St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, 
and went on to become known throughout the world 
as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the  discoverer of  Penicillin.


Years afterwards,  the same nobleman's son
who was saved from the  bog was stricken with pneumonia.


What  saved his life this time?  Penicillin.


The name of the nobleman?  Lord Randolph Churchill .. His son's  name?


Sir Winston  Churchill.

-------

AN IRISH FRIENDSHIP WISH: 



I hope it works...

May  there always be work for your hands to  do;

May your purse always hold a coin or  two;

May the sun always shine on your  windowpane;

May a rainbow be certain to  follow each rain;

May the hand of a  friend always be near you;

May God fill your  heart with gladness to cheer you.

and may  you be in heaven a half hour before the devil  knows you're dead.


T Shirt Of The Year

Thanks to Tony H.


tee shirt 1


Chicken Surprise

Thanks to Peter D.

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise'.
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly
And she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. 

'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband.

He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot.

He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?'

The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise.' 
  
(You're going to love this................... 
You're going to hate yourself for loving this!.............. ) 
.
.
.
.
 
'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck



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