Katy Perry's Super Teenage Dream 64 - Part Three

< Part Two
Jake Spencer
21 March 2012

Track 7: The One That Got Away

Once upon a time, 18-year-old Katy Perry had a boyfriend with whom she would make out, drink stolen booze, and get tattoos. Apparently young Kate was too naïve to see that he was her soul mate, and she wishes she could have him back, but it's too late.

I'm a little confused by this one, to be honest. Missing people from your past and wondering what could have happened differently is universal, of course, but judging by the rest of Teenage Dream, Katy Perry gets drunk and makes out with dudes all the time. It's her thing. What's so special about this guy?

In the video, the guy dies in a car accident, which might be sad if there weren't lyrics detailing his current life. Yes, the song, as written, makes it sound like the two simply drifted apart, as couples do, but it also contains bewildering lines like, "Can't replace you with a million rings," so I fear I can't trust the lyrics to enlighten me.

The Game: Sonic & Katy CD

Katy Boom, Katy Boom, Katy Booooooooom! Save the Perry from disaster!

Run across the past, present, and future to get to the one who got away. Collect 100 rings to get another life. Collect a million rings and you still won't be able to replace your ex-boyfriend because rings don't work that way.

Track 8: E.T.

Kate takes almost four minutes before she kisses anyone/anything in this video. More remarkable still, she does so while fully clothed. There aren't even any shots of her slowly eating anything this time!

Of course, by that point we've had a glimpse of animals mating, and there's some extended rear male nudity toward the end, but it's still considerable restraint for a Katy Perry/Kanye West video about - and I'm borrowing terms from the lyrics here - wanting to be a victim of alien sex.

The Game: E.T.

This game was always about Katy Perry being a victim of alien sex. No alterations necessary.

Track 9: Who Am I Living For?

A string of clichés and lines from old poems masquerading as a song. Marching to a different beat, the road less traveled, heavy is the head that wears the crown, the writing on the wall... it goes on like this. It's boring and forgettable. Seriously, I read the title of this song before writing this entry and truly couldn't remember the song, despite hearing it dozens of time.

I can't find any meaning in these lyrics, but there's some line about war that's repeated about fifty times, so...

The Game: Call of Katy: Modern Pop Star

Go around some brown-gray places. Shoot some guys with some guns. It's kinda like every other brown-gray military shooter, but more popular. I dunno. Maybe it's browner-grayer than other games.

In the time it took me to make the above picture, I've already forgotten what that song sounds like.