Katy Perry's Super Teenage Dream 64 - Part Four

< Part Three
Jake Spencer
22 March 2012

Track 10: Pearl

Now, look, I don't know if you've noticed, but this series has gotten... well, maybe a little sarcastic in previous installments. We've had some fun at ol' Kit-Kat's expense, but that doesn't mean we can't give respect where it's due, and as simple and heavy-handed as this song might be, it has a respectable moral.

There are some cool, strong ladies who meet rotten guys, and after a bit of time, maybe those ladies aren't so cool and strong anymore. Katy's been there, and now she's telling you that it doesn't have to be like that. You don't have to take abuse. You can get your life back.

It's just... this may lose a little something coming less than ten minutes after the line, "Wanna be a victim," in a song about weird sex.

The Game: Katy Perry: Other M

You used to be an intergalactic body hunter. You used to be the universe's greatest threat to Mother Brain and the Space Pirates. Now you're a cowardly little girl who complies when a man tells her to walk into a superheated lava world without protection. Hopefully your story doesn't end this way.

Track 11: Hummingbird Heartbeat

Hey! Another song about sex!

It's like whoever wrote this song went down a list of all of the best concepts behind the album's other songs and mixed them together in a pot. Feeling like a virgin? Check! Tortured similes and metaphors? Check! Heavy reliance on cliché? Check! Sexual imagery involving birds? Check, check, check!

The Game: Kolibri Heartbeat


...Wh...whoa. Whoa.

Check out the plumage on that one. I wouldn't mind watching a bird like that transport the male haploid from the pistil of one ornithophilous flower to the female gametophyte of another. Ooh, you're a dirty biotic pollinator, aren't you?

Track 12: Not Like the Movies

Hope you liked that last song, 'cause this one's a love song with no mention of sex. A song without drugs! A song without nudity, parties, or thugs!

It's just a sappy little ballad about how true love should be romantic and magical. If a girl doesn't feel like a Disney princess when she's with her special someone, she should keep looking.

The Game: Katy Perry as The Little Mermaid

Katy Perry is a little mermaid with a big voice, brightly dyed hair, and an abject hatred for any article of clothing larger than a bra. Help her seduce and divorce a recovering drug addict comedian by blowing bubbles at starfish and flinging conch shells at walruses. It's not like the movies!