Katy Perry's Super Teenage Dream 64

Jake Spencer
19 March 2012

Katy Perry is pretty without any makeup on. Katy Perry is funny when she tells the punchline wrong. Katy Perry is the biggest name in pop music, and her double-platinum Teenage Dream album contained five number one singles, a feat only matched by Michael Jackson's Bad.

Like Michael Jackson, who appeared in Moonwalker, Space Channel 5, and Ready 2 Rumble Boxing: Round 2, Katy Perry is using her success to make the transition from pop star to video game star. She has been key to the successful marketing of the Just Dance series, and headlines a special edition of the newest Sims expansion pack, The Sims 3 Showtime | Katy Perry Collector's Edition.

It's a fine start, but we here at Hot Lavy can't help but wish Katy Perry were shoehorned into even more games. If Britney's Dance Beat taught us anything, it's that pop singers are the chocolate to video games' peanut butter. With that mindset, we'll be matching each track on Teenage Dream with a video game in the hopes of uncovering more great tastes that taste great together.


Track 1: Teenage Dream

Essentially Madonna's Like a Virgin for a new generation, only with less room for reinterpretation by chatty Tarantino characters and more glorification of statutory offenses. The music video is full of people taking off their clothes on the beach, taking off their clothes in cheap hotels, and licking Popsicles in slow-motion. It's a catchy radio hit that's fun for the whole family!

The Game: Doki Doki Katy Perry Shinpan!

In Doki Doki Majo Shinpan! for the Nintendo DS, players assume the role of a junior high student who must identify witches within his school by feeling his fellow students' bodies for a "witch mark." This very special re-release let's you put your hands on 13-year-old Katherine Perry's skin-tight jeans... strictly for the purpose of protecting your school from witches, of course. Get ready for hours of fun trying to convince the police that it's totally cool for you to own this because there's no actual nudity.

Track 2: Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)

Last Friday night, I spent a few hours at my retail job, then came home and ate stove-popped popcorn while I browsed the new releases on Netflix, but Katy Perry? Girl had a one-night stand with a stranger, drank until she blacked out, and melted plastic dolls on her grill, and that's all in the first verse. That's just the one behaves when one's married to a recovering sex and drug addict, I suppose.

The Game: Grand Theft Friday Night

Get kicked out of bars, have a ménage à trois, take your money back from the bloodied remains of prostitutes, and question whether or not you broke the law - just like in the song! With over 200 Spank-fuelled missions and dozens of pink flamingos to collect, there's enough to keep you playing all Friday night, even if you don't remember any of it by Saturday morning.

Track 3: California Gurls

A loving homage to the classic Big Star song September Gurls.

Nah, just kidding. It's a song about "gurls" from California being sexy, complete with lines about having sex on the beach, having sex in a Jeep, and Popsicle-melting skin. There's no slow-motion Popsicle licking in the video, sadly, but there is slow ice cream cone licking, candy can stroking, suggestive cotton candy eating, and an innuendo-laden scene involving whipped cream that I think I'm too young to watch.

Also, Katy spends half her screen-time naked, and Snoop Dogg performs the most embarrassing rap of his career.

The Game: California Gurls Games

Epyx's Commodore 64 hit is back - with a Katy Perry twist! Enjoy an all new collection of minigames designed by the California Gurl herself! Challenge your friends as you compete for the high score in such extreme sports as Unprotected Sex in an L.A. Nightclub Bathroom, Anonymous Sex Behind a Santa Barbara Gas Station, and Sexy Hypodermic Needle Licking!