the Wall of Fame

What's influencing Top Ten? The following guys are awesome.






BILL O'REILLY - Inducted 4/2009 by Herb

With all due respect to the very deserving Henry Gale and the significantly less deserving Capt. Sully, no one dominated the year more than Bill O. This month is his 100th month atop the cable news rankings (no one came close to topping him). Out of the many interviews I watched during primary season of HIilary, McCain, and Obamamania, no one stuck to their guns more than O'Reilly. He didn't let them meander there answers through convienent talking points, and he was the first journalist to break open the Bill Ayers controversy. His new book is still climbing up the charts, he went viral for a rant on Inside Edition, and most recently, he handled himself terrificly while on enemy turf (the Letterman show). I used to be a Glenn Beck man, but it's hard to root for a guy that cries a lot on TV. Liberals like to slam Bill O, mostly for his Fox News affiliation. If only they knew that his is against the War on Terror and has liberal guests on his show every night, they would be singing a different tune. Top Ten's 2008-09 Man of the Year (and April inductee) is the original Culture Warrior himself, Bill O'Reilly.



MEL GIBSON - inducted 3/2009 by Herb

He's fought in 3 different wars (American Revolution, Vietnam, and the war for Scottish Independance), and yet is more known for being a goofy ladies man on screen. Actually, if we're being completely honest, he's most known for being a Jew-hating drunk, but that's also kind of entertaining. Also, girls, he was the first ever Sexiest Man Alive for People Magazine way back in the late 80s. I like to think of Mel Gibson as the third part of the 90's triumvirate of acting. Representing drama, Hanks starred in an endless string of 90s hits. H Ford led the way with his action chops. Mel took care of the lighthearted characters with a screw loose (Maverick, Lethal Weapon, Payback, What Women Want, etc.), but also could handle the serious stuff (Ransom, Signs). 

He starred in, and directed, my favorite film of all time, Braveheart. He also directed one of Andy's favorite movies (the Passion of the Christ), and most recently made Apocalypto, which was also a very good film. Aside from being an awesome actor, he's also a compelling human being. We hear so much from the loony left and the crazy Scientologists in Hollywood, it's nice to see a proudly devout Christian in the mix. So what if he's anti-Semitic and homophobic, right? My favorite Gibson quotes was in response to question on how he felt about gays. He said, "They take it up the ass. This (pointing to his ass) is only for taking a shit." Pure gold. He's one of my favorite actors/directors/celebrities, and I can't wait for Edge of Darkness to come out. And don't forget to check out his hilarious Kimmel appearance here.


BEN ROETHLISBERGER - inducted 2/2009 by Herb

As I said last time, if SB43 went as planned, you'd know who you're induction was going to be. Well, I was wrong. You see, the plan was to induct Mike Tomlin to stand alongside Bill Cowher, but after watching the game, one guy deserves credit more than any other. Like Steve Young said, Ben Roethlisberger grew 3 sizes during the Super Bowl to lead the Steelers on the game winning drive. Well, if Steve Young didn't have a dozen concussions, he would know that Huge Ben was doing this all season. He knows how to pick apart a team in the 4th quarter when it matters. People like debating whether or not Santonios catch was better than David Tyree. OF COURSE IT WAS! Oooo but Eli had to be an escape artist to even throw that ball, you say? Well Large Ben does that at least 4 or 5 times a game. Eli threw up a lob into coverage and Tyree was able to come down with it, but Big Ben's throw in the endzone was dead-on perfect, and Santonio's catch relied 100x more on skill than luck. Big Ben should have been the MVP of the game, he's the only one in the game that's even close to Tom Brady in terms of winning football games (also, Tom Brady had to rely on Vinatieri to win Super Bowls for him. Big Ben won his own game.) He now has 2 Super Bowls and is the leader of this team. After going through the Kordell years (no rings, many headaches) and the Tommy Maddox years (one ring, many laughs), you really appreciate what it means when you have a franchise quarterback that always gives you a shot to win the game.


BILL COWHER - inducted 1/2009 by Herb

If all goes as planned this Sunday, we all know who the February inductee will be, but right now, it's time to honor a past great. Easily the coolest coach in the league during his tenure, Bill Cowher led me and many others like me through our formative football years. Despite the changes at every other position, Bill was the only constant, there to assure us that every year we had a shot. His philosophy of coaching football was pretty simple. PHYSICAL. On both sides of the ball, if you play the game more physical than the other team, you'll win the ball game. Cowher knew how to sit on a lead and drain the clock. He knew how to draft the right players. And on the biggest stage, he knew how to win (well, half the time anyway). He's on this Wall because of Super Bowl XL, a time which I already said was the best time of my life. Even though we can knock the guy for kissing Kordell, for going 1-4 in home championship games, for phoning in his last season with team, and for picking the Cardinals to win this Super Bowl, none of that matters. Whether he goes to Canton or not is also irrelevant, because it doesn't change his history with the team. He's a Super Bowl winning coach, and even if he came back next year to coach the Cowboys, he'd still be on this wall.      




SAYID JARRAH - inducted 12/08 by Urb

I made fun of Herb for picking a fictional character a few months back, but now it appears I'm am going to have to eat my own words.  This past Monday a boring night at home turned into four hours of LOST on the Sci-Fi Channel.  The episode that really caught my attention was the "Glass Ballerina."  It reminded me how awesome Sayid Jarrah, my favorite LOST character, is.  It was a pure Sayid episode.  His plan was to trap the others into coming to the dock on the otherside of the island without letting Sun and Jin know.  When Sun realized what Sayid was doing, he told her his plans.  It was basically capture two Others so one would make the other talk and just kill the rest.  We are introduced to Sayid in Season One as a former member of the Republican Guard of Iraq during the First Gulf War.  I'm not big on foreigners, but Sayid is so cool.  His flashbacks show that he was a torturer, and on the island it is evident that he still knows how to get information out of people.  Sayid's best moments are when he fights, almost killing "Henry Gale," his encounter with Mikhail Bakunin, and most famously, his neck breaking work in the Season Three Finale.  Unfortunately, Sayid's weaker moments as a charatcer revolve around his relationships with women.  Nadia sucks in flashbacks, and  even though she was hot, Shannon was a loser.  Jarrah is also a member of the Oceanic 6, and his flashforwards show him as a sleek assassin working for Ben.  Even though the Losties were split between the Jack and Locke camps, Sayid was and is arguably the best and most able leader.


HARRISON J FORD - inducted 12/08 by Herb

Like Jesus Christ, Harrison Ford is a hell of a carpenter who saves lives. Unlike Jesus, he's also a hell of an actor. For a guy best known for the eternally cool character of Indiana Jones, Ford's work is routinely mentioned among some of the best science fiction works of all time (Star Wars, Blade Runner). Speaking of Star Wars, that film should've belonged to Luke Skywalker, the main hero. But because of Han Solo's mercernary charm, Star Wars banked a lot of money and no one heard from Mark Hamill ever again. Once the highest grossing actor of all-time (I think Sam Jackson is now, but that's because of the SW prequels and the Incredibles, movies he was hardly apart of), Ford is now beginning to show his age. Outside of a so-so Indy performance, he hasn't been relevant since What Lies Beneath. And so he's never won an Oscar, but he owns the People's Choice Award for Favorite Movie Star of All Time and also A People's Sexiest Man Alive award. He owned the 80's (Indy and Star Wars) and 90's (Fugitive, Jack Ryan Movies, Air Force One), and now enjoys having a little fun in his old age (Exhibits ABCD and E) Simply put: He's the coolest actor ever (even Andy thinks so).



JERRY CANTRELL - inducted 11/08 by Herb

I stand by my October induction of a video game character. If you think that just because someone is fictional that they cannot influence what you do, say, or write, then you are a racist, my friend. But this month, since Dave was fired from the site, I'm going to induct someone that the three of us in the old triumvirate all thought was cool. This week's induction is Alice in Chains' guitarist Jerry Cantrell.

Besides being conservative Pittsburgh lovers, the three of us at Top Ten all share the same band as our second favorite of all time (although Dave may be a bigger QOSTA fan). That band is Alice in Chains, and the biggest reason is the writing, singing, and thrashing of guitarist Jerry Cantrell. Their songs are dark, hypnotic, and badass. Their grungy look is just flat-out cool, but mostly just icing on the cake. It's the music that defines this band, and as much as we miss Layne's voice, it was Jerry that carried (and I suppose still carries) the band. Not only is Jerry Cantrell one of the highlights of the grunge era, he's also seen some time on the big screen. Remember Jesus of Copy Mat in the beginning of Jerry McGuire? "That's how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there." On a side note, when I finally got a group of people together to play Rock Band 2, one of the first songs we played was Man in the Box. Needless to say, I eagerly grabbed the guitar and performed the backup vocals. Do yourself a favor and spend the rest of the day YouTubing AIC music videos and live performances to behold the coolest guy from the grunge era (sorry CC and Ed). 


STANLEY KUBRICK - Inducted 10/2008 by Urban
A lot of readers complained to me about Herb's inclusion of a fictional character in the wall of fame, so I figured that I would induct an actual person.  Close examination of my top ten movies reveals that I have two directorial efforts from Stanley Kubrick.  In my opinion, he is the greatest director in the film history.  His list of movies span all genres, crime (The Killing), war (Paths of Glory and Full Metal Jacket), satire (Dr. Strangelove), cult (A Clockwork Orange), sci-fi (2001), historical epics (Spartacus and Barry Lyndon), horror (the Shining), and sexual dramas (Lolita and Eyes Wide Shut).  Kubrick in the late 60s, early 70s combined with the first two Godfather movies is arguably the zenith of cinema.  Spielberg and Lucas wish they had the flair, writing, and overall directorial ability of Kubrick.


SEPHIROTH - Inducted 10/2008 by Herb

Final Fantasy VII was the first game to make me realize that video games were not just puzzles to be solved and buttons to be combo-ed. Yeah Doom 2 was spooky, but God mode put an end to that. With FF7, we all of a sudden get this massive world where you feel emotionally invested into the story. The moment that slams this home? When ultimate badass Sephiroth, with his six-foot Masamune sword and black robe, falls from the sky and impales the girl who could've saved the world. It was unprecedented. You don't kill off a main character after the gamer has already played 25% of the game. It's like Steven Seagal falling to his death in Executive Decision! Still, it changed gaming along with everything. Sephiroth's death plunge has influenced me not only to appreciate and seek out video games that are grand, sweeping epics. Take a look at my Top Ten movies. You'll notice more than one (Braveheart, LOTR, Gettysburg, Empire Strikes Back) are big, visually epic stories. They are the best kind of movies, and the ones enjoy reviewing the most (just look at Troy's review last week). Top that, Dave and Andy.


GLENN BECK-Inducted 9/2008 by Herb

With all the liberal bias in the media these days, you need someone you can identify with to tell you the real story. Glenn Beck is a radio host/author/news host that enjoys looking at the real problems in America and telling you the who,what,where, and whys about them. He is a conservative recovering alcoholic that shares my views on a lot of issues (Al Gore is a tool, Obama is a dangerous socialist, Palin rules, McCain is a loser, etc.). O'Reilly claims he's independent, which I don't buy. But Glenn owns up to being an awesome conservative. 



SKIP BAYLESS-Inducted 9/2008 by Urban

The consummate professional.  Skip Bayless is the only breath of fresh air on the otherwise horrific show known as First Take on ESPN2.  His segment, First and Ten, pits Bayless against worthless opponents whom he dominates.  He usually deals with black journalists talking about race and diversity, Jamele Hill or Rob Parker, or former athletes who are clueless, Jalen Rose and Jay Feely come to mind.  He knows sports, his predictions are usually solid, and he is not afraid to stir up some controversy, in other words, he is not your normal ESPN employee.  Some nicknames he uses are Kevin GarNOT, Jeff CANT, LeBRICK James, and Tony ROMEO.  A lifelong sports writer, Bayless is one of ESPN’S rare employees who speaks his mind with the backbone of having a deep knowledge of sports.



RICKY GERVAIS-Inducted 9/2008 by Dave

Right now, this brit is the funniest comedian in the world.  Known best for introducing David Brent and the original Office to the masses, Gervais didn't slag off a bit after the show ended.  He's made another successful (and hilarious) show on HBO called Extras lampooning Hollywood and celebrities (and calling out all the idiot reality TV stars who are famous for showing minge).   His three stand up specials, called Politics, Animals, and Fame are a million times funnier than anything Chris Rock will ever do, and now he's taking his spot on deadpan wit to the big screen.  How does he influence us?  Well, besides the three of us watching his shtick since 2004, Gervais teaches us that humor can be found in anything and nothing is out of bounds, including obesity, the Bible, child cancer, homosexual animals, and boring things like working in a mid-level paper merchant.  It's not that all those things are funny by default, it's that he proves they can easily be funny given the right joke.  Are you listening Dane Cook?  You fucking suck.