"Our First Winter"

It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first
we've seen for years.   The wife and I took out our hot toddies
and sat on the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently
down clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It's so
beautiful and peaceful.

DEC 24th
We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening
snow covering as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic
sight, every tree and bush covered with a beautiful white
mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time ever and loved it.
I did both our driveway and the pavement.
Later that day a snowplough came along and accidentally covered
up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver
smiled and waved.   I waved back and shovelled it away again.
The children next door built a snowman with coal for eyes and a
carrot  for  a nose, and had a snowball fight, a couple just missed me and
hit the car so I threw a couple back and joined in their fun.

DEC 26th
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature
dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our

trees and bushes snapped due to the weight of the snow. I
shovelled the driveway again.
Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick
again. Much of the snow is now a brownish - grey.

JAN 1st
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which
soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought
snow tyres for both our cars.
Fell on my arse in the driveway. Went
to a physio but nothing was broken.

JAN 5th
Still cold.
 Sold the wife's car and bought her a 4x4 to get her
to work. She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the
right wing.
Had another 8 inches of white s**te last night. Both vehicles
are covered in salt and iced up slush. That bastard snowplough
came by twice today............ Where's that bloody shovel.

JAN 9th

More f*****g snow.
 Not a tree or bush on our property
that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night.
Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a paraffin
heater which tipped over and nearly torched the house.

I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd Degree burns on my
hands. Lost all my eyebrows and eyelashes.
Car hit a f******g deer on the way to casualty and car was written

JAN 13th
F****** b******d white s**te just keeps on coming down.
Have to put on every article of clothing just to go to the post
box.   The little c***s next door ambushed me with snowballs on the
way back  - I'll shove that carrot so far up the little pri*ks
a**e it'll take a good surgeon hours to find it. If I ever catch
the a**ehole that drives the snowplough I'll chew open his chest and

rip out his heart with my teeth. I think the b******d hides around the

corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he accelerates

down the street like Michael  "f*****g" Schumacher and buries the

f******g driveway again.

JAN 17th
16 more sodding inches of f*****g snow and f*****g ice and
f*****g sleet and god knows what other white s**te fell last night.

I am in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snowplough
driver with an ice-pick. Can' t move my f*****g toes. Haven't
seen the sun for 5 weeks.
Minus 20 and more f*****g snow forecast.