blessings of mariage

 

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
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 My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water
in the carburettor." I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied, "In
the lake."
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to
let him keep her.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got
myself two girlfriends.
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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to
report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.
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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You
order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish
you had ordered that.
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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?

" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of
Africa a man doesn't know
his
wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness
was until I got married; then it was too late.
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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same : "You can have mine."
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A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. A billionaire,
she replied.
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A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad!
I've found a woman just like mother" His father replied, "So what do you want?
sympathy?"
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage
is the triumph of hope over experience.
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 If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to
every word you say, talk in your sleep.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

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It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It
only seems longer.
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Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
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A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful
house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM!,
it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever
he wants But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks
for a moment and says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me
till I'm half dead."
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Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
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How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get your
laundry done free.

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute
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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky,
mine's still alive.

 

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But, one for the women…………..

 

The similarity between a man and a computer:

If you would have waited longer, you would have found a better one !