2_3 Final Draft

Individual Deliverable 2:  Final Draft

From:     Lani Uyeno, Manager

To:         Hali'a Interns

SubjectFinal Draft

Now that you have competed your first draft and have had your memoir critiqued by a fellow intern, you are ready to revise your memoir.


• The first step in doing this is to review your peer critique. What comments did others make? Oftentimes we are unable to critically read our own writing. That's why your peer's input is so valuable. Review peer comments and make changes that you think will help to better your memoir.

• The second step in revising is to make sure you have met all of the criteria for the memoir. Click Laulima's "Resources" tool  to access the rubric for this memoir.

• Once you have completed that, you should review your memoir again, this time making global revisions. This type of revision is not specific to memoirs, but a way to revise any kind of writing. In order to make global revisions, please refer to the checklist below.

• Finally, you are ready to edit and proofread your memoir. This is where you spend some time checking for errors in usage, punctuation, and mechanics. You can also ask someone else to proofread your memoir before submitting a final copy. If you have time, you can send it to LCC's Learning Resource Center  for feedback (click on "Online Tutoring"). Additionally, you can refer to OWL, Purdue University's Online Writing Lab, for more help with editing and proofreading.

Congratulations! Once you've completed the steps above, you are ready to turn in your first memoir. Please submit your memoir using the Assignments tool.  Be sure I receive your memoir before the due date (see the Daily Assignments list) or it will be considered late.



Purpose and Audience

1. Does the draft accomplish its purpose--to inform readers, to persuade them, to entertain them, to call them to action (or some combination of these)?

2. Is the draft appropriate for its audience? Does it take into consideration the audience's knowledge of the subject, level of interest in the subject, and possible attitudes toward the subject? Is the reading level appropriate?



1. Do the introduction and conclusion focus clearly on the main point? Is the thesis clear enough? (If there is no thesis, is there a good reason for omitting one?)

2. Are any ideas obviously off the point?


Organization and Paragraphing

1. Does the writer give enough organizational cues (such as topic sentences or headings)?

 2. Are ideas ordered effectively?

 3. Does the paragraphing make sense?

 4. Are any paragraphs too long or too short for easy reading?



1. Is the supporting material persuasive?

 2. What ideas need further development?

 3. Are the parts proportioned sensibly? Do major ideas receive enough attention?

 4. Where might material be deleted?


You are now ready to move to Team Deliverable 3