Oh my lord. Talk about an IV straight to the veins with high fructose corn syrup. (And who picked the name for this band? Good god.) The weird part is that Army of Me has been touring for quite a while and was voted “one of the top unsigned bands” in 2005 by Alternative Press. I have no idea why. Perhaps they should have been named “best band to remain unsigned.” I haven’t heard sugary pop modeling itself as something alternative like this since Goo Goo Dolls or Glass Tiger. This might be fine for some thirteen-year-old girls pining about love and finding their way in the world, but I’m praying even they’ll figure out that this is pure schmaltz. Which shouldn’t be too hard, based on lyrics like this: “It’s hard to have strength when there’s nothing to eat / And it’s hard to eat when you don’t have the teeth…It’s hard to accept what you don’t understand / And it’s hard to launch without knowing how to land.” Ouch.