During this Memorial Day weekend, the movie Moonrise Kingdom was released. GAFBO, unfortunately did not have access to see this movie, as we don't live in one of the 5 cities designated cool enough to have movies premiere a month before they premiere everywhere else. However, we enjoy not paying $20 a ticket for a movie, so suck it other cities. But I digress.
Wes Anderson is, in the opinion of the vast majority of GAFBO, one of the best directors of the past 16 years (since his first movie, Bottle Rocket, was released and shut up about it being a short film that was originally released in 1994), and one of the greatest auteurs of our lifetime. To honor him, we've compiled a list of the the 15 greatest works of facial hair in his movies (main characters only, and not short films). Please to enjoy.
#15 - Walter Boggis (Fantastic Mr. Fox)
Walter Boggis, while sporting a killer moustache, falls to the bottom of the list simply for the fact that he is an animated character. This chicken farmer has a great lip sweater, which he must use to catch food particles for snacks during the day, as he is known to eat three whole chickens for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Hence why he weighs about as much as a baby rhinoceros, but unfortunately he is nowhere as cute as a baby rhinoceros (Examples: #1 "Nom nom nom nom nom", #2 "Yay! Things!", and #3 "Hey ladies. How you doin?")
#14 - Ned Plimpton (Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou)
If you look, you'll see that there is indeed a moustache. It's not much, but it's there. He gets ranked above Boggis by default, as he is a real person. Well, he's an actor playing a person, and is not animated. STOP YELLING AT ME ABOUT SEMANTICS, MOM!
#13 - Cousin Ben (Moonrise Kingdom)
Jason Schwartzman is clearly capable of growing better facial hair than this (stay tuned to this list for proof). We can only assume that this moustache fits in perfectly with his character in Wes Anderson's newest film.
#12 - Herman Blume (Rushmore)
#11 - Narrator (Moonrise Kingdom)this scene from A Mighty Wind.
#10 - Henry Sherman (Royal Tenenbaums)
#9 - Raleigh St. Clair (Royal Tenenbaums)Oliver Sacks. Unlike Oliver Sacks, Raleigh St. Clair used his beard to win (at least somewhat) the love of the beautiful Margot Tenenbaum (Gwyneth Paltrow).
#8 - Vikram Ray (Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou) and #7 - The Chief Steward (The Darjeeling Limited)
#6 - Jack (The Darjeeling Limited)by appearing as Jack in The Darjeeling Limited, an underrated gem from Wes Anderson. Say what you will about it's pacing, or story, or whatever. Just know that all your arguments are invalidated by the fight scene between the brothers and Jack's epic line (for whatever reason, the embedding code won't work with the time stamp, so fast forward to the 5:00 minute mark. The best line in movie history is at 5:31).
#5 - Royal Tenenbaum (The Royal Tenenbaums)
#4 - Vladamir Wolodarsky (Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou)
#3 - Steve Zissou (The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou)
Side note: Only 4 of Bill Murrays's movies feature him with Facial hair. Three are Wes Anderson movies, with the only outlier being Get Low (where he plays a character named Frank Quinn). It was directed by Aaron Schneider, who has directed a short film in 2003 called Two Soldiers and one episode of the short lived TV show Popular. Get Low was written by Chris Provenzano (who has written a few episodes each of Archer, Justified, and Mad Men), C. Gaby Mitchell (who wrote the story for Blood Diamond but not the screenplay), and Scott Seeke (only credit is Get Low). Robert Duvall is in Get Low, and has an amazing beard. Why do you need to know all this? You don't. But I find it odd that Bill Murray is clearly capable of growing some fantastic facial hair, and almost nobody has him do it. Other than Wes Anderson, it's only been for a Get Low, wherein Robert Duvall is the man who gets to rock a sweet beard, and Bill Murray is stuck with a wispy moustache.
#2 - Pagoda (The Royal Tenenbaums)
#1 - Richie Tenenbaum (The Royal Tenenbaums)