50 Easy Ways to Help the New World Order

In Just a Few Minutes or Less! 

Here's where you can learn some easy things you can do to help out the New World Order. Commitment to a conspiracy doesn't have to take a lot of time out of your day. Nowadays, we're all pretty busy, so here's some tips on things you can do to help out the cause, get noticed, and win your place in the New World Order!

You may be surprised how much you're already helping out! It doesn't take a whole lot, after all!

 50 Tips

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1) Make sure you are up to date on all your shots. The New World Order is working hard to develop new genetic treatments for common ailments. You want to be at your best!

2) Give money to the United Nations. The black, unmarked helicopters of the UN will be the chariots that will bring the New World Order to glory. Giving the UN money is like buying stock in these 'choppers, making you part of the team!

3) Keep an eye out for suspicious people in your neighborhood. Not only do they drive your property values down and increase crime, but they could be up to no good! In this post 9/11 world, we all have to do our parts to protect our families.

4) Own a cellphone. The more cellphones in circulation, the more justification the New World Order has for building its mind control towers disguised as cell towers.

5) Smile more. It's okay to be happy!

6) Forward any jokes sent to you over email by friends and family on. Oftentimes, these messages contain New World Order created viruses. Don't worry, these viruses aren't like those bad "hacker" ones. They just track what you look at online!

7) If you notice anyone "living off grid" (ie, "in the stone age" without credit cards or paying taxes), you can 'drop a dime' on them with the IRS. Even better, you get 10% of whatever they owe the government as a finders fee!

8) Let your local electric or power company know its okay to place a Transformer Box on your property. This humming green box will make you the most important family on the block because that's where everyone else is getting their electricity from!

9) If you ever see a UFO and the person next to you says, "Hey, did you see that?" say "No."

10) Keep an eye on your finances. Cycles of debt are a tool the New World Order uses through its International Banking minions to help enslave and control mankind. You don't want to be a slave, right? You want to be a partner! So use your money wisely!

11) That said, there's no reason to deny yourself the wonders of modern technology. Get a big screen TV, a DVR, a new washer/drier combo, DirectTV, whatever! A lot of this stuff was given to us by the New World Order, so be grateful!

12) Surf the web every chance you get. Try to read news aggregators like Fark.com, Metafilter.com, Boingboing.com, and even Slashdot.org. By keeping an eye on the web, you'll be more informed than the average person and more likely to make the most of yourself in the days to come!

13) Did you know that we'll be soon approaching a period of "Peak Oil". This means that we'll be using more oil than we discover. "Peak Oil" is, of course, a New World Order plot. We'll still have plenty of power and oil to continue on as we've been going for years to come, but the excuse will give the New World Order a chance to strike! Help speed it along - take the scenic way home!

14) Here's a fun family project and a great way to get your kids involved. Have your children create some cool model UFOs. You can use pie tins, paper plates, Christmas lights, whatever! Let their little imaginations run free! Then take pictures of them an superimpose them on pictures of your back yard. Make sure you use the "Blur" effect! Then release the pictures on the internet! In no time those weirdo UFO nuts willbe pointing to your little Jimmy's creation as "proof" of UFOs! That's when you send them pictures of Jimmy holding his work of art! Ha!

15) Practice your tailing skills. When driving, pick a car ahead of you and follow them where ever they go. If you have a camera (cellphone cameras rock!) you can even take pictures! These are the kind of skills that the New World Order is looking for, so work on your resume.

16) Listen to your favorite albums backwards. Sometimes, there are messages stored in the music, stuff that would be good to know.

17) Do you have a web presence? No? Then you should establish one! A Google Page like this is so easy, even I can use it!

18) Serve your guests tap water, not bottled water. You can fill up one of those fancy Evian bottles from the tap and nobody will know the difference!

19) Take a look at the back of a dollar bill. See that Eye floating over a Pyramid? That's a symbol for the Illuminati! When you leave a tip at a bar or restaurant, make sure you leave it "Eye Side Up!"

20) Pick a celebrity and become an expert on them. I first picked Angelina Joilee because she's so beautiful and a New World Order operative (she was a UN Goodwill Ambassador, a reward for all her hard work!), but lately she's been in the news a whole lot with that 'Brangelina' thing, so I'm not so sure I should stick with her. Aww, who are we kidding? She's a goddess!

21) Keep an eye out for devices called "cloudbusters" or "chembusters". These are devices that look like a bunch of pipes stuck in a bucket of resin. They're used to control the weather, destroy clouds (no rain sounds great until your lawn starts to die), and generally screw up the environment. If you see one, try and knock it over. 

22) Try Japanese tuna.

23) Your local library is a great resource. Not only for books, but for information on what other people are reading! Keep an eye out and write down the popular titles.

24) Have you noticed that conspiracy buffs are always deadly serious? Help them lighten up with a few good jokes! My favorites all come from The Simpsons.

25) Tape an 'X' on the bottom right hand corner of a street facing window. The next time you get a "wrong number" simply speak the names of three people you think to be the biggest danger to the New World Order.

26) A party is always a good time to break out the Ouja Board. Have everyone name a dead person they'd like to speak to, gather 'round, and let the fun begin! Set out an extra glass of wine or beer for the ghosts and invite them in!

27) Be an organ donor.

28) If you have a shortwave radio, take a few minutes every day to report what you did over a random frequency of your own choice. You may feel silly at first, but don't worry, someone's listening!

29) Read the Bible. It's full of codes and prophecies regarding the New World Order, so it's a great way to keep up to speed with what's next on the agenda!

30) When you vote, it doesn't really matter who you vote for. But it is important to vote in the right order! When looking at your ballot, your first vote should go for the second candidate, then the first, the first, the second, the first, the second, the second, the second, skip the 9th, then vote for the first again! If there are more than ten races in your district, simply start the pattern over.

31) When someone asks you to accept Jesus into your heart as your personal savior, say "Yes, I do!" You don't actually have to, but this harmless white lie will make the asker feel better all day! I think that's what Jesus would have wanted.

32) Have you ever seen someone cover their windows with tinfoil? That's pretty weird. You should help them be normal and take that stuff down.

33) If you live near a cellphone tower, take a few minutes every week or so to walk around the area beneath it. You're looking for devices called 'towerbusters' which are resin mixed with metal shavings and a crystal in a dixie cup. They may not look like much, but they can really mess with the celltower's operation! Pick'em up and chuck'em! Or better yet, smash'em!

34) If you are ever questioned by the FBI or NSA or any other government organization, tell them everything you know. Not only does your information help them out, but you could actually be being interviewed for a role in the New World Order!

35) Carry around a miniture tape recorder. You never know when you'll need to tape something!

36) Marry well. The older his or her family, the better. If you come from an old family yourself, good job! Your future spawn will be sitting at the right hand of a Rothschild on the Council of 300!

37) Attend SciFi conventions. As you walk around and look at the sort of people who go to these things, you won't feel so bad for humanity once the New World Order's plans come to fruition!

38) Get a barcode reader. There are hidden messages in barcodes and a good scanner (you can even get a Palm Pilot with one attached) can be your key to knowledge.

39) Carry a few extra batteries around with you. The minute electrical field they generate will calm you and make you feel better.

40) Use Google Translator to translate "I support the New World Order" into as many languages as you can. Print them out on a business card and keep them in your wallet. When the Peacekeeping Forces arrive, you never know the nationality of the first soldier you meet, so it makes sense to have your bases covered.

41) Don't waste money on organic food and veggies. They have the same amount of chemicals on them, but cost a lot more than the normal stuff.

42) If you get called for jury duty in a criminal matter, watch the prosecutor very carefully. If the make the sigh of the Eagle's Claw with their left hand (a clawed had with the middle and ring fingers touching) you are to find the accused guilty, regardless of the evidence.

43) Make sure your kids go to a nice big, secular college or university. If they're smart enough for the Ivy League, even better!

44) Consider getting a prescription for Prozac for yourself and Ritalin for your kids!

45) Support gun control.

46) Answer any survey, be it the US Census or a customer service questionaire, in as much detail as possible. Try to use the letters 'N' 'W' and 'O' to start words in sequence in any "fill in the blank" section. Example: "I am Never With Out a few packets of Clorox hand wipes!"

47) It is probably best that you get your internet service through American Online. Their old symbol used to be an 'O' in an 'A' which looked a lot like the Eye in the Pyramid you see on the dollar. In a pinch, Prodigy (now SBC Yahoo) will do. Their old logo had a pentagram in it.

48) When at the Mall, let other people guide your window shopping. Pick a person and follow them discretely from shop to shop. Be sure to write down what they buy! If they fail to buy anything, follow them to the parking lot and get their plate number. You'll need this when you report them.

49) Take steps to protect your identity when shopping online and when using your bank. You don't want your identity stollen! If that happens, all the hard work you've done to get on the winning side could end up rewarding someone else!

50) When in doubt as to what to do, simply write down your question, observation, or report on a postcard. I like to use happy, bright colored ones I pick up when my family visits the shore, but any postcard could do. Address the card to "Aunt Millie". (You can make up whatever address you want to mail it to after that.) Instead of putting a stamp on the card, place a large black 'X' where the stamp should go. In the upper 'V' of the X write a small 'N'. In the right hand 'V' write an 'O'. In the bottom, write an 'S'. And in the left hand side, write a 'W'. No postage, no problem! Your letter will get where it needs to go. An answer should arrive in a few days via unmarked package, "wrong" number, or via your radio if you keep it dialed between the stations.