A Springboard

When I teach people about conversational intimacy, I give them a “starter pack” of about 100 connectors, and I present them here.

There is nothing magical about these 100 or so connectors. They are just a springboard to get people going.

As soon as possible you should be throwing out connectors from the starter pack that you don’t find useful and adding connectors you come across in real-life.

I like to break the connectors into ten groups, based on the type of thing they do in a conversation:

Opening Connectors

Opening connectors are used when somebody has just asked a question, and you want to start answering it.

thank you heartily	děkuji srdečně
that is a good question	to je dobrá otázka
that is such a difficult question	to je taková těžká otázka
once upon a time, long ago	kdysi, dávno

When you are asked a question, it can put you on the spot. Your mind can go blank, and soon you don't know how to even start answering.

Opening connectors are really useful for getting the first few words out of your mouth (“breaking the silence”) while you settle down to give the real answer to the question.

Imagine you are asked where you are from, and your brain is racing to first fully comprehend the question and second to come up with an answer.

You can get some breathing space by starting out with:

“To je dobrá otázka ...” then once the momentum is going your brain relaxes and it is much easier to keep going and say “… (I am from England) jsem z Anglie”

Filler Connectors

Filler connectors are throw-away phrases you can insert when you need a little more thinking time.

They give the illusion of deep pondering, or sharing something personal, which is exactly what you want while you think of what you are going to say next:

understandably	pochopitelně
frankly speaking	upřímě řečeno
between you and me	mezi námi řečeno
anyway	nicméně
well then	nuže tedy
well, as a matter of fact	no, ve skutečnosti
how can I put it?	jak bych to řekl?
I must say that	musím říct, že
firstly	za prvé
secondly	za druhé
I would like you to know that	rád bych, abyste věděl, že
I am afraid that	obávám se, že
now and then it seems to me that	chvilemi se mi zdá, že
after all	přece jenom
as far as I am concerned	co se mě týče
more and more	čím dál víc
actually	vlastně
all joking aside	konec srandy
now seriously	teď vážně

As an example, somebody asks:

“(Where) Kde (do you live) bydlíte?”

If your brain panics, or you feel that just saying a place name is too abrupt, you can throw some filler in there before the answer:

“(Between you and me) Mezi námi řečeno (I live in Prague) bydlím v Praze”

Apologising Connectors

When you make a mistake, or feel embarrassed, or you are about to put somebody in a slightly uncomfortable situation, it is all too easy to blush, panic, and revert to your own language.

Instead, if you have rehearsed the Apologising Connectors until they become part of you, you will soon find that your automatic reaction to embarrassment is to use one of them to defuse the tension.

They will get you over the embarrassment hurdle so you can carry on.

don't be upset, but	nezlobte se, ale
it was a slip of the tongue	to mi uklouzlo
I said it by mistake	řekl jsem to omylem
I am sorry that	omlouvám se, že

Qualifying Connectors

Czechs tend to not be overly impressed with show-offs, so a bit of humility gets you a long way.

To soften a statement, instead of just saying something as if it is a fact, it can help to wrap it up with a qualifying connector.

There are loads of these, and you need to keep varying them throughout a conversation so you don’t sound like a robot stuck on replay.

to tell the truth	abych pravdu řekl
I presume that	já se domnívám, že
I hope that	doufám že
in my opinion	podle mého názoru
if that is true	jestli je to pravda
I don't know exactly	já nevím přesně
I would like to think that	chtěl bych myslet že
the way I see it is that	vidím to tak, že
as you may know	jak asi víte
I don't have a big interest in that	nemám velký zájem o to
if I understand correctly	rozumím-li dobře
as you already know	jak už víte
that isn't such a big problem	to není takový velký problém
that is a matter of opinion	to je věc názoru
as far as I know	pokud vím
I have the impression that	mám dojem, že
it is usually true that	obvykle platí, že
you never know, but	nikdy nevíte, ale
I haven't thought about it before, but	nikdy dřív jsem na to nemyslel, ale
if I am not mistaken	pokud se nemýlím
I am not certain whether	nejsem si jistý, zda
like every other man	jako každý druhý muž
I have my own opinion on it, but	mám svůj vlastní názor na to, ale
I am not such an expert, but	nejsem takový odborník, ale

So, for example, if somebody asks if you like Prague, instead of just blurting out “yes” or “it is a beautiful town”, you can increase you fluency by using a qualifying connector in front:

“(In my opinion) Podle mého názoru ... (Prague is a beautiful city) Praha je krásné město”

Agreeing and Disagreeing Connectors

Simply saying “yes” or “no” all the time makes a conversation sound like an interrogation session.

Add a bit more warmth to the conversation by using Agreeing and Disagreeing Connectors.

one hundred percent	na sto procent
without question	bez debat
exactly right	přesně tak
most certainly	zcela určitě
without doubt	bezpochyby
in no case	v žádném případě
that isn't true at all	to vůbec není pravda
that is an exaggeration	je to přehnané
in principle that is true, but	v zásadě je to pravda, ale
admittedly that is true, but	to je sice pravda, ale
that's one way to say it	i tak by se to dalo říct
only up to a certain point	jen do určité míry
certainly, why not?	určitě, proč ne?
I agree	souhlasím

As you gain confidence, you will find yourself using more than one at a time.

Somebody will ask if you agree with something, and instead of just saying yes, you will find yourself saying something like:

“(A hundred percent) Na sto procent … (without question) bez debat … (I agree) souhlasím”

Of course, you can mix in other kinds of connectors too. For example, a bit of filler:

“(I must say that) Musím říct, že ... (a hundred percent) na sto procent … (without question) bez debat … (I agree) souhlasím”

Elaborating Connectors

Often, when we are put on the spot with a question, we blurt out the simplest answer we can think of:

“Where are you from?”

“England”.

Whenever I have done that, I feel a bit relieved that I at least said something, but at the same time a bit awkward that our answer was so short, and disappointed in myself since I know I could have said more.

In other words, it is too easy to fall back onto talking below your real level of fluency.

We want to get over that.

You can rescue these situations by throwing in some well-rehearsed elaborating connectors.

They bridge from a simple blurted-out answer to something more in-depth that you now feel relaxed enough to say and proud to have said.

to be more precise	přesněji řečeno
and what's more	a co víc
while I am already talking about it	když už o tom mluvím
I would like to emphasise that	rád bych zdůraznil, že
should I explain in greater detail?	měl bych vysvětlit podrobněji?
allow me to say it another way	dovolte, abych to řekl jinak
that is to say	totiž
and more specifically	a sice
nevertheless	přesto
even though	I když
that sounds like	to zní jako
and that is why	a proto
in other words	jinými slovy
to say it another way	abych řekl jinak

So now, a question like: “(Where are you from) Odkud jste?”

Lets you blurt out a quick and easy reply and follow it up with an elaborating connector while you think of a more detailed answer:

“(I am from England) Jsem z Anglie …. (and specifically) a sice … (from Oxford) z Oxfordu”

Quoting Connectors

One way to create intimacy in a conversation is to share things that somebody else told you. It can feel a bit like inviting somebody very briefly into your close circle of friends.

Here, then, are a few useful connectors for quoting something:

she said something like	říkala něco ve smyslu, že
my wife pointed out that	moje manželka poukázala na to, že
recently, I heard that	nedávno jsem slyšel, že
my better half said	moje lepší polovička řekla, že

Of course, you may have to change these around a bit if you don’t have a wife.

And, as usual, you can combine these with other connectors to make the sentence keep flowing.

Switching Connectors

When you are really lost for words, a good technique is to give a very brief answer to the current question, and then switch smoothly to a completely different topic where you feel on safer ground.

now it occurs to me that	teď mi napadá, že
by the way	mimochodem
I have an interesting story about it	mám na tom zajímavý příběh
and besides that	a mimo to
oh, I nearly forgot	ach, málem jsem zapomněl
and one more thing	a ještě něco
on the other hand	zato

I remember trying to take this to the extreme one time, when asked about some music group I had never heard of.

I mumbled out that they weren’t my favourite group, and then used a switching connector to start talking about a movie I had just seen.

Since the woman I was talking to didn’t seem to be offended, I just kept going and practiced deliberately using switching connectors as much as I could.

We ended up chatting non-stop for an hour and a half!

Closing Connectors

When you have finished talking about something, you can just leave it to end there, or you can wrap it up with a closing connector.

To be honest, I find that I don’t use closing connectors often, but sometimes they feel just right.

that is all there is to say	tím že řečeno vše
that is all for now	to je pro zatím vše
to sum up	abych shrnul
and there is the problem	a v tom je ta potíž
I hope it is only a question of time	doufám, že je to jen otázka času
that remains to be seen	to se teprve pozná

Passing Connectors

Finally, a conversation isn’t a monologue – it is an exchange between several people.

Sometime it is useful and polite to “pass the baton” to somebody when the time comes.

can you tell me please	můžete mi prosím říct
would you be interested in us talking about something else?	měl byste zájem abychom mluvili o něčém jiném?
and what do you think?	a co myslíte vy?