Summer 2013 in The Feminist Psychologist
Mother’s Day and a Year of Social Action
by Jill Kuhn, Ph.D.
Arise then...women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
(Howe, Mother’s Day Proclamation, 1870)
In the mid-1800’s Ann Jarvis created Mothers’ Work Days in an attempt to address a variety of social ills. Some years later Julia Ward Howe started a Mother’s Day for Peace movement as a reaction to the bloodshed of the Civil War and Franco-Prussian War. Jarvis’ daughter Anna spent years trying to establish a nationally observed Mother’s Day in honor of her mom. Howe also continued to work tirelessly on women’s issues until her death in 1910, just two years before Mother’s Day became an official U.S. holiday. Although women now have many more opportunities than in Jarvis and Howe’s day, they still face discrimination on numerous fronts.
Mother’s Day as it was historically designated, has been co-opted as a holiday involving flowers, cards, and breakfast in bed. I certainly would not want to discourage family time on this day, nor would I wish to no longer receive the heartwarming treasures and expressions of love I receive from my daughters. However, I would also like to see us return to a time where Mother’s Day as a New Year’s Eve of sorts, where we make resolutions as to how we as women and mothers will work towards social justice and equality for mothers throughout the year. It can’t all be done on a single Sunday in May, but if we all took the opportunity to outline how we will make a difference the rest of the year, in the spirit Ann Jarvis intended, what a world of difference we would make for ourselves and others.
Many have raised the valid question of how we do this when our lives are filled with work, childcare and homecare with little to no time for self-care, let alone time for activism. How do we find time to organize and engage in political activities to better the lives of all mothers? In her book, “Why Have Kids?: A New Mom Explains the Truth About Parenting and Happiness,” Jessica Valenti (2012) describes her anger at the “mommy wars,” and suggests that solutions include, “paid maternity leave, flexible work schedules, affordable childcare, and parent-friendly workplaces.” (Rotskoff, 2013). Rotskoff, in a review of the book, notes that while readers have heard these ideas, “a thousand times before, I’d say that until we make tangible progress on these issues, we need to hear more, not less about them.” Perhaps this is a place some mothers will find helpful to start…the very personal issues that affect them and thus affect so many other women. Robin Roberts, who recently returned to Good Morning America, after battling cancer, follows her mother’s motto, “make your mess your mission.” I’ve altered this concept to “make you’re your problems your purpose.” The spirit of this idea is to find issues that affect us personally and use our frustration, anger, and sense of injustice to empower us to effect change.
A possible first step is looking inward and exploring how we may need to take care of ourselves as mothers. If we are exhausted and overscheduled, then patriarchy wins and has us right where they want us. We maintain the status quo of busyness, fatigue and being overwhelmed. There is no ability to step back and see the larger picture and realize we have to undo the chains that bind us. So we must begin with recognizing that as mothers we must engage in self-care. How that begins and looks will be different for each mother. It may mean confronting inequalities in their relationships and handing over more responsibility to the other parenting partner (assuming there is one) to free up time for adequate sleep, time to be alone, and time to explore other interests. For someone else it may mean examining their week and seeing where time may be wasted on potentially unnecessary activities. It might be a place to say “no” to pressures to volunteer (although potentially a valuable feminist activity) in one area to shift to volunteering in a way that lends a hand to other mothers (e.g. volunteering on a political campaign or raising funds for a domestic violence shelter). It may also mean investing the time, of which is so precious, in a political activity or organization that addresses our own personal struggles to find justice for us and other mothers or creating something new in one’s city that directly addresses the plight of women.
For ideas, one place to start is the book, “Grassroots: A Field Guide for Feminist Activism.” This book by Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards (2005), “encourages people to move beyond the "generic three" (check writing, calling congress people, and volunteering) and make a difference with clear guidelines and models for activism.” They provide numerous anecdotes and ideas for working with the time, skills and materials in front of you, “that more clearly reflects their values.” They explore a plethora of issues including sexual assault, the environment, gay marriage, human rights violations, workplace discrimination and others.
While in the midst of writing this column, I had coincidentally watched the newly released movie “Grassroots,” a movie based on a real life events of a grassroots activist who runs against an incumbent in Portland, Oregon (it is not related to the book noted above). A fantastic quote from this comedy/drama that is apropos, “Reach out to someone. Reach out and participate in some genuine life-changing action.” If we all make our problems our purpose we CAN improve our lives and the lives of others and bring down the patriarchy!
Happy Mothers’ Work Days!
*Rotskoff, L. (Spring, 2013). Review: Why Have Kids? In Soviero, M., and Olin, R. (Eds.), Brain Child: The Magazine for Thinking Mothers (59). Wilton, CT.
Jill can be reached at kuhngale@earthlink.net. I’d love to hear from you and see what you will resolve to do in the year to come. I will happily publish readers’ resolutions in a future column.