Fall 2008 in The Feminist Psychologist
Fighting Sexism in Elementary School
by Jill Kuhn, Ph.D.
As the 2007-2008 school year came to a close, I reflected on the multitude of “gender-related” struggles my daughters (now 9 and 4 ½) dealt with over the last school year and previous years. In part, this reflection was spurred on by an event that had happened during the last week of school. One of my daughter’s classmates, who seems to think he is in competition with her for grades, had yet again demanded to know her grade on an assignment. She refused, which we told her is her right. However, he would not relent, making louder and more insistent demands. He even went so far as to dig through her student mail slot to try and “steal” this information that my daughter had very clearly, said “no” to sharing. My awareness was also impacted by my 4-year old daughter being told at preschool/daycare, that same week, by a boy, that because she is a girl she is not allowed to play with dinosaurs or trains (two of her favorite things). She has learned at home that girls and boys can play with anything they want. So, even though hearing this boy trying to control her, my daughter retorted, “I can play with whatever I want.” However, each year, my daughters are hearing more and more comments from boys (which fits with the research as the source of sexism) as to how they should behave and what they can or cannot do. In spite of my girls strongly standing up for themselves, the gendered comments continue to increase, and I worry about them being able to take them all on. I decided to share my thoughts, via the following letter, with the principal at my older daughter’s school, with whom my husband and I have a good relationship:
Dear Principal
I wanted to bring up the issue of sexism that I see happening regularly at “X Elementary School” (and I know it happens just as much at other schools, so I don't think this problem is particular to X). Ever since my 8 year old 3rd grader’ started kindergarten, she has regularly come home and told me of boy after boy trying to force her to reveal her grades on an assignment (e.g. going into her mailbox), telling her girls can't play basketball (Her response was to ask if they had ever heard of the WNBA?), girls can't play softball (‘my daughter’ refuted that just today, by saying she is on a softball team and then it degenerated into, "well I bet you can't throw" "I bet you can't hit a home run" etc.,). She's also been hit on the bottom numerous times, even when she's told the offender to stop.
She has been told many, many times by boys (as have her female peers) that she cannot do certain things because she is a girl. We have worked with her in standing up for herself, ways to respond, ignore, ask for help from the teacher and we have also had many conversations with teachers (who have been very interested and helpful). But because I keep seeing a similar scenario being played out, I view this as a larger systemic issue of sexism. I'm wondering if ‘the school’ can somehow regularly address these issues....i.e. beyond bullying (lessons), beyond getting along and friendship issues, but by educating both boys and girls about how girls can do the same things as boys, and that it is inappropriate, hurtful and sexist, to tell girls that they can't do certain things, etc., based on their gender.
The research is very clear that these kind of messages start early for girls and my dream is to have a world where both genders could be, do whatever they wish and not have restrictions placed on one another because of gender. However, not every family buys into my dream world, so I've been wondering if there is a way to address this with all students throughout the school year? The research finds that these kinds of regular "attacks" on girls result in lowered self-esteem, lack of self-efficacy, and basically a shrinking of their world to follow these unwarranted rules. I'd be happy to meet with you over the summer to discuss this further. Thanks for "listening."
A month or so after I sent this letter to the principal, Lyn Mikel Brown’s column on issues effecting girls came out in TFP. In it she wrote of the recent research by Drs. Leaper and Spears Brown. In their research with 600 girls, 12-18 years of age demonstrated that 90% of girls report sexual harassment has indicated hearing negative comments about their abilities in school and athletics. Leaper says, “Sexism remains pervasive in the lives of adolescent girls.” Not surprisingly the majority of discriminatory comments were reported to have been made by their male peers. However, it is also important to note that parents, teachers and coaches also expressed sexist ideals to girls. Leaper and Spears Brown are the1st researchers to try and determine if girls recognize these encounters as sexism. For those girls who have learned about feminism, they were more likely to recognize individual sexists acts as sexism, something coming from the environment and therefore not something they have done wrong or coming from a “lack of ability.” This is important! As aptly stated by Judy Mann, “What would happen if boys were raised to respect girls as equals, to listen to their voices, and to value them as friends? No patriarchal culture has ever tried to do this.” (p. 15)
By the time this issue comes out the new school year will have started for my 4th grader. Hopefully by then I will have had a meaningful dialogue with the school principal about my letter and my ongoing concerns. I also hope it is not a one time conversation, but the beginning of a very important discourse about sexism and the consequences for both girls and boys. Stay tuned!
-Jill can be reached at kuhngale@earthlink.net. If your family has dealt with sexism at school, please feel free to contact me and share your story. I’d like to write a column about what other families are also dealing with.
References
Leaper, C. & Spears Brown, C. (2008). Perceived Experiences Among Adolescent Girls. Child Development, 79,(3).
Mann, J. (1994). The Difference: Discovering the Hidden Ways We Silence Girls. New York: NY.