Funny Facebook Quotes

Funny Quotes
  • decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!

  • X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

  • I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.

  • ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95

  • I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.

  • Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married.
  • if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP
  • scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status.

  • Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.

  • Cut here —————–✄———————-

  • I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.

  • ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ

  • –^v–^v–^v–^v-_____^v–^v–^v– For a second there, I was bored to death.

  • Virus is Loading ████████████ 99%

  • When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
  • what has two ears and cant hear? —————–.> GRANDPA

  • If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrehea…does that mean one person enjoys it?

  • Last Night I Dreamt I was Eating A Giant WATERMELON……..When I Woke Up My Pillow Was Gone.

  • A kid got bad marks in his test, he showed his test to his mom. His mom said ” what is this”? He answered teachers star stickers were finished so she gave me a full moon!!!
  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  • Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. 
  • Romantic films are known to ruin relationships as they give unrealistic expectations to women about what to expect from men
  • Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS:
    1 Too Many Questions.
    2 Difficult to Understand.
    3 More Explanation is Needed.
    4 Result is always FAIL.
  • When somebody who is deeply in Love with u tells that
    You are Cute, beautiful, and angelic
    I agree. That's true
    Believe me
    I swear because love is definitely blind.
  • Someday you may lose your hair.
    you may lose your teeth- your money & even lose your mind.

    But one thing you will never loose is your good looks.
    because you cant lose what you don't have!
  • A girl only needs three things in her life: love to make her weak, alcohol to make her strong, and friends to pick her up when the first two make her hit the ground.
  • ‎1. Open Google Maps
    2. Click "Get directions"
    3. Type "China" as your starting point
    4. Type "Taiwan" as your destination.
    5. Read step 48
    6. When you stop laughing, put this as your status so others can laugh too!
  • I have a habit at laughing at my mistakes, so parden me if I laugh in your face
  • Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
    Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes. 
  • Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you
    it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful,
    but I only have photographs of her on the walls.
  • I wanna buy a parrot n teach it to say "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
  • MAN: Main yahan nahi rahunga, itna chhota room, no window, return my money..........Waiter: Mere Baap! upar room me chal, ye to lift hai.