It’s Grinch Night.

The sequel to Stooby’s noir parody of How The Grinch Stole.

Home

Our Agency

The How To Files

The Map Room

Little Jobs

The Library

The Factions

Equipment List

The Directory

Following on from writing his tale of Edward Grinch for the Seuss Noir contest Stooby got to thinking about whether Dr. Seuss had ever written a sequel to How The Grinch Stole Christmas.  He found a reference to a TV production called It’s Grinch Night (originally named Halloween is Grinch Night).  What follows is a very very loose adaptation therefore of the plot of a show Stooby has never seen!

Just 2  warnings before you begin to read.  Firstly this is much more Noir than Stooby’s telling of How The Grinch Stole Christmas and so is not for the feint hearted.  Secondly it is long.  To quote Stooby “It’s a story that after a few flashes of inspiration really wrote itself, who was I to argue with the length?”

 

It's Grinch Night

Edward the Grinch was many years dead,
But often his name was still said.
Little children heard it in their ears,
Their mother's giving them fears,
Stories of the Grinch's terrible acts,
Twisted into a monster, almost a fact.

So many a child's mother could be heard say,
"Don't do that, the Grinch will take your presents away."
The threats and tales would go on some more,
“The Grinch will see you if you don’t do your chore.”
If the child wouldn’t take the rubbish out,
“Better do it or the Grinch will find out.”

For most the stories of the Grinch were just tales,
A bogeyman to scare children without fail,
On Christmas Eve parents around New York would speak,
“Go to bed, sleep well and whatever you do don’t peak,
The Grinch will see you and your presents will go,
Sleep till the morning and it won’t be so.”

And the stories stopped there,
What’s wrong with a little scare?

But for young Ukariah they did not,
He heard the tales even in the cot,
His misguided mother could be heard said,
"Don't do that, the Grinch will shoot you dead."
His evil father would order young Ukariah around,
And shout “That’s from the Grinch.” As he knocked him down.

So Ukariah grew up to fear,
That the Grinch was always near.
He found he could never do right,
His father hit him whenever in sight.
His mother refused to help and worse,
Cried “It’s the Grinch, you have his curse.”

Amongst all this terror and pain,
Ukariah heard the Grinch’s name,
It came with everything bad,
That came from his Mum and Dad.

At night Ukariah would often cry,
Thoughts of the evil Grinch spinning by.
His sleep was filled with such wicked thoughts,
Poor little Ukariah, He knew that he ought,
Be good and always do as he was told,
“Please the Grinch or I won’t live to be old.”

And in those desperate, darkest hours of night,
Ukariah learnt the Grinch was not such a bad sight.
If he listened real hard he heard what the Grinch said,
And so he began to hear the voice in his head.

The voice grew stronger each day,
Always there, never going away.
For a young boy so alone,
The Grinch became his new home,
And as his father hit him hard he would know,
The Grinch was there to protect him so.

Then one day, out in the park,
Ukariah found a dying lark.
He heard the Grinch clear as day,
Shout in his head and say,
“Kill it, kill it, kill it you must,
Kill it, do it, you I trust.”

So Ukariah picked up a rock off the floor,
Standing over the lark he heard once more,
Those words from the Grinch, so loud a true,
“Kill it you must, if not us then who?”
And with a swift swing the rock came down on lark’s head,
And it moved no more, that little bird was now dead.

Ukariah delighted at the sound as the rock struck,
At the voice of the Grinch shouting “What luck.”
And in that moment on that spring day,
Forever together they would stay,
Edward Grinch, twisted evil and mean,
And Ukariah who cried “What a team!”


That first evil deed was not the last,
Ukariah listened to the Grinch’s class,
Of what was right, what was wrong,
The voice in his head like a song.

The killing did not stop there,
Small animals, anything near,
And he learned that it was right to steal,
Anything he wanted, he did not feel,
Any remorse, regret, sorrow or fright,
How could he, the Grinch told him “It’s right!”

He learnt to kill, it felt so pure,
He did it, more and more,
Rats, rabbits, birds, toads and such things,
Then onto cats and dogs, “Oh how the voice sings.”

And as the stealing went on, one day,
He was spotted and ran away.
The Grinch taught him how to hide out of sight,
And then he started to steal at night.
He stayed away from home more and more,
His father still hit him to the floor.

And then one day as his father raised his hand to strike,
Ukariah shouted out “No, stop this is not right,
You hit me and say the Grinch knows I’m bad,
Well listen to me, you’re wrong, I tell you Dad.
The Grinch is my friend, I hear him as clear,
As you when you are stood so near.”

“You stink of drink,
You hit me I think,
Because you fear,
The Grinch is here,
That he will strike you a blow,
Because you are wrong, you know.”

And as his father lashed out,
Ukariah ducked and spun about,
The blow missed and his father’s eyes widened in fear,
As Ukariah pulled out a knife and said very clear,
“Now this must stop, the Grinch tells me so,
Goodbye father you have to go.”

As the blade slashed out Ukariah felt glee,
“Finally, now at last I will be free!”
And then he saw his mother screaming in the door,
With a laugh he stabbed, stabbed, stabbed and once more.
And seeing them lying dead at his feet he said,
“Ukariah and the Grinch, we’ll see them all dead!”

“All those who do wrong must know,
To stop it at last, or away they will go.”
And so one day short of his fourteenth birthday,
Ukariah packed up and ran away,
His parent’s killer was never found,
The police gave up and Ukariah slept sound.


For two years the papers all spoke of killings,
Burglaries, thefts, attacks and such things,
And all had one very common theme,
Always written in blood at the scene,
Was a word that puzzled all,
The word GRINCH made out in the scrawl.

The crimes were all unsolved and went on,
Witnesses’ often spoke of a song,
A manic voice screaming in glee,
“What a team, the Grinch and me.”

Soon a pattern became clear,
Once a week as Sunday drew near,
A new body would be found dead,
Cut down or bashed on the head,
And the press picked this up and ran,
The story, the way only they can.

And the good citizens of New York started to fear as they might
The approach of what became known simply as “Grinch Night.”
And without rhyme or reason or clue,
The killer would strike, his aim always true.
And as the killing went on a cry went out,
From the citizens to the police “Sort this out!”

And the press had an idea,
To make some good out of this fear,
And posted a reward for the one,
Who brought justice to this wrong,
A Million dollars was raised and out went the plea,
“Someone catch the killer, you’ll be rich you see.”

“It seems the Grinch has come true,
We need your help, yes you,
So all you gumshoes come to town,
And listen as you gather around,
We mean exactly what we say,
Dead or alive, either way.”

And so they flocked from every town,
A million dollars and the crown,
Of being the one to catch,
The killer and stop his acts.
“Worse than any arch villain they say,
I’ll catch him and save the day!”

And a sight never seen before,
As gumshoes gathered, more and more.
The facts were few,
Not many a clue,
But in their hour of need and to the city’s entreat,
Gumshoes of every kind filled New York’s streets.


And in a bar downtown,
The Sleuth was sitting down.
He had read all the stories and he knew,
That old case he’d closed, to good to be true,
The one he’d proudly solved and called they say,
The Tragic Case of How The Grinch Stole Christmas Day.

Somehow the legacy of Edward Grinch lived on,
His evil acts, it seemed, lifted up in song,
An evil man who had killed little Cindy-Luo
He had stopped that one, yes but on time flew,
And now another killer was following a false hero,
Prolifically murdering and delighting in evil acts so.

The Sleuth slowly rose and walked off leaning on a cane,
Those sat near heard him mutter “Damn, I’m to old for this game.”
His leg had been injured with a shot fired,
On his last case just before he retired.
That killer had died like Edward Grinch before,
The Sleuth had vowed he could face death no more.

But an old gumshoe never fades away,
Their desire for justice remains they say,
And The Sleuth knew he could not sit this out,
A killer had to be brought down, taken out.
“Dead or alive the papers all say.”
He patted his gun, he’d stop it, either way.

And though he’d long been out of the game,
The Sleuth was well known all the same,
He called on all his old favours and contacts,
Searching the rumours, distilling the facts.
He visited the scenes of all the crimes,
All this took a lot of time.

And like those before he struggled to find,
A patter or reason in time.
And as Saturday arrived and drew long,
“It’s Grinch Night.” Went out the cry of wrong.
And sure as the sun rises in the day,
A man was murdered with his mistress they say.

 

And as the sun rose the next day,
All knew the killer would not go away.
The Sleuth knew something had to be done,
But what? Who knew? This killer was not dumb.
So with a sigh he went back,
And set to examining the facts.

And as he did one thing became clear,
Those killed all had something wrong near,
A man who hit his wife and child,
A man who’s parties were to wild,
A woman who slept with married men young and old,
To tell their wives, and delight as she told,

A thief who stole only from the weak and poor,
An embezzler who took more and more,
A rapist who had been set free,
On some twisted technicality,
A mobster who beat those in shops for cash,
A teenager who had killed others in a crash.

And as he headed to City Hall,
The Sleuth knew a theme for all.
All those who had been found dead he could see,
Had been in the papers, their story,
Told on Friday morning, they sounded so bad,
Made out to be evil, twisted or mad.

And a plan came clearly to mind,
To stop the killer this time,
He would wait until Friday and read the news,
Like the killer, get into his shoes,
And then when he knew who would die,
He would be ready and in wait lie.

And yes as Friday dawned new,
The Sleuth read, crimes were few.
Only one really stood out clear,
A politician had something to fear.
He’d taken one to many a bribe,
In the paper he was vilified.

An so with Saturday drawing late,
The Sleuth stood opposite the politician’s gate,
Grinch Night would soon arrive unbidden,
The Sleuth knew how to stay hidden.
And as the hours slipped by,
The Sleuth got to thinking why.

A killer had arisen and struck fear,
The price he exacted so dear,
For an indiscretion or a crime,
Some would not even serve time,
What had driven the killer so mad,
What could have happened so bad?

And then, there in the gloom,
A flash of light reflecting in the moon,
A figure scaled the wall of the house,
Not a sound, as silent as a mouse,
And as the intruder dropped over the wall,
The Sleuth knew it was a young man, slim and tall.

Slipping quickly from his hiding spot,
The Sleuth moved quickly and picked the lock,
And heading as fast as his leg would allow,
Moved towards the house, he knew the time was now.

He arrived at the house all quiet and dark,
He saw the man climb a tree, clinging to the bark,
Before The Sleuth had any time to act,
The figure was through a window, just like that,
And turning to the front door once again,
After all this time his pick locks worked the same.

He stepped inside and left his cane against a wall,
It’s tap, tap, tap would have been a death call.
In the dark of the hall he found the stairs,
And climbed quickly, the room he knew where,
He’d scouted the house earlier that day,
Before hiding himself away.

To the bedroom he quickly went,
His leg hurting, his energy almost spent,
And with barely a sound he opened the door,
And quietly stepped through and once more,
He saw a scene of horror and dread,
The killer with a club raised over his head.

A terribly cry of glee could be heard shout,
As the killer swung the club about,
“Kill him, kill him, kill him I say,
The Grinch wants him dead this day,
No more deals to make
Or promises to break.”

“Kill, kill, kill I must do,
The Grinch tells me true.
You have done wrong but no more,
The Grinch and I will make sure!”

The Sleuth sickened by this evil sight,
Pulled out his gun and flicked on the light,
“Move once more and I will shoot you down!”
But then his resolve faltered with a frown,
The killer was a boy, no more than sixteen,
What to do, to kill him would be mean.

The killer’s face snarled with an evil hiss,
As he rushed forward the Sleuth knew he could not miss.
The killer’s club raised over his head,
Clearly he would see the Sleuth dead.
So as sorrow squeezed his heart cold,
The Sleuth shot the killer bold.


And now the very next day,
All the papers they say,
Grinch Night is over forever Hooray!
A crazed killer shot they say.

But what of our hero of the hour?
In all the glory did he shower?
No not The Sleuth who had grown tired of fame,
He told his tale and slid away, hid his name.
He took the million and left town,
Who knows where he is now?

But rumours and tales tell of how he,
Retired to some small tropical country,
And as he writes his memoirs of cases gone by,
One more he adds, what a case oh my!
One of terror and murder and fright,
The Terrifying Case of Grinch Night.


And what of young Ukariah, did he die?
Shot by The Sleuth, his last breath a sigh,
A cry to his partner, always so near,
The Grinch who many had come to fear?

But no this is not true,
The Sleuth could not kill him he knew,
Ukariah had been shot in the leg,
Now for mercy he begged,
Locked in a cell so dark,
The Grinch’s screams so stark.

“You are useless you pathetic fool,
Kill yourself, go on, choke on your gruel,
Everything you do is so wrong,
You’ll rot here for a time long.
Best to end it right now,
Kill yourself, find a way somehow.”

But his jacket restrains him from moving much,
The padded walls soft to the touch,
Poor young Ukariah they say,
Can be heard crying all day,
“No Grinch please let me go,
Get away, I’m bad I know.”

“Please Grinch can you not see?
I’m sorry Grinch, so sorry.”
And there he spent the rest of his days,
Killing him would have been kinder in many ways.
The Grinch made his life a living hell,
Some say this is good and well.

He stole life from so many others,
Father’s, lovers, sisters and brothers.
Many family’s lives were destroyed,
Ukariah breaking them, his toys.
Let him ret in his cell so long,
Let him suffer with his terrible song.


And of Grinch Night the story became known,
As a way to bring children home,
“Don’t stay out to late.” Mothers would say,
“It’s Grinch Night and you don’t want to be in the way,
When Ukariah and the Grinch come to town,
So be home on time, don’t make them frown.”

And for most the stories stopped there,
After all what’s wrong with a little scare?

Writen by  Stooby.