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» GROCERIES [28.Feb.06]

My brother and I went out to do some fairly routine shopping today. Didn't go anywhere special - just the North Rocks Westfield, spending most of our time in the Coles. Didn't buy anything out of the ordinary - just fruit and veg, plus a few other random foodstuffs for our three square meals. Yet there was something very unique and pleasing about what we were spending our time doing.

We spent a little under $60 all up, which was something we had not done for perhaps years. Once upon a time, Mum used to take us shopping - I distinctly remember being dragged along for the ride to help push the trolley because I didn't want to be there. But because of her illness, even in the final years of her life, she didn't possess the energy to go out to the shops and buy a few things. So the middle of high school - about 5 years ago now - would have been the last time we had gone shopping with Mum.

After Mum had passed away, Dad didn't take up the baton. It was just something he was never interested in. I don't particularly blame him - Mum tended to do such an awesome job at it that he must have felt like he was just getting in the way. (I am quite familiar with this feeling myself now.) When Kylie moved out, leaving the three guys at home, it still felt like family and yet - we were profoundly individuals, in a way we had never been before. Separation from our old church coincided with my growing up and Kylie's marriage, so suddenly the familiar (but not exactly cherished) family life that had bonded us together ended. We simply had no more cause to go to 'family things' with other families any more - save for the times when we'd visit Keith and his family for a meal.

Now that I think about it, I don't actually miss it all that much. It's just a fact of my existence now, like how my hair is longer today than it was yesterday and I need to drink water to survive. It's just the way things are now - never felt the need to question it, neverfelt the need to feel discontent over it. The closest to that was feeling small pangs of self-pity at losing one of my parents so early on in life, but as I discovered, losing parents is never a normal thing, no matter what age you or they are.

As I discovered, we lost a lot when we lost Mum. Perhaps the most annoying thing is that they really are lost. It's that feeling you get when you've truly forgotten something. You rack your brains, searching for something when you don't even know what it looks like, hoping something might just click. But it won't; whatever you had in your mind is well and truly gone, never to be recovered. It's not as bad as it seems - growing up involves losing a lot of things which you really rather not keep - and yet there's something about it happening to you, and happening suddenly; as opposed to something you actually wanted, that happened in a slow and controlled manner so you didn't miss what was gone. 

Remarkably, family shopping is (was) one of those things. It struck me as we were actually participating in it this afternoon. We were walking up and down the aisles, and though it felt so incredibly domestic and menial, I really enjoyed it. I think there's a thought going around my current friends that domesticity and meniality are things to avoid. It seems to make sense: these are the opposite of fun and cool, which is what everyone wants to be right now. I find myself in the pleasant position of not really caring for those sorts of priorities. And I have a standard visit to the shops to thank for being awakened to that truth.

I think I'll be visiting Coles with my brother again soon.




» FAMILY [27.Feb.06]

That was the topic of our recently-passed church weekend away. It was badly needed for many of us - both in regard to our church family and to our immediate families - and even though it was a flurry of driving and talking and sweating, I don't regret a second of it.



» EXPERIMENTS [22.Feb.06]

I'm just trying out Google Page Creator. Seems pretty interesting so far.


The moment's picture...
"You lost my trust with that juggernaut." A heated game of three-way Magic after ACC goes awry when Whaij deceives Adam in a bid for victory. [click to enlarge]