No sense of self. Low self-worth.
Utter recklessness, daredevilry, living on the edge of a razor.
All words to describe those we know best as either the class clown or the cool guys and chicks, the rebels, the ones who will always go out on every limb, with no sense of self at all.
Literally, they were allowed no separate sense of self in childhood.
This is the root cause for such self-defeating behaviours.
Or did the chemical brain imbalance cause the behavior ? Or was it caused by a blow to the head ? By a birth trauma ? Or what ? What is normal ?
If we decide that normalcy is what the majority of humanity displays, then the top fifteen percent of people who were born to lead, while the eighty-five percent left look up to them are abnormal.
Among these – the leaders – we find the people who are more daring than the rest, so aren’t they normal too?
Their brains have what is called “low M.A.O.”, or, no fear, basically.
They lack the common sense to keep out of danger. They seek it out for thrills, so, are their sense battered so that they don’t feel things ? Was abuse the reason ? Were they not allowed to have feelings in childhood ?
Nature or nurture – the result is the same.
They’re admired and emulated, looked up to and envied, and yet we dose children who show signs of daring, who are bored with routine, and who have the guts to speak out to authority.
In the past, they’d be either severely beaten or given shock treatments, sent off to reform schools or military school, or simply discarded.
Now the age of the prescription panacea has arrived, and the drug companies can make a profit off their misery.
Damaging their kidneys and livers at young ages, such children, rather than receiving either speical attention from parents or schools, rather than being seen by psychologists, are more cheaply and easily dealt with by doping them up.
From these kids have always come the most ingenious and glorious of the human race. They should be seen as great assets, but instead are outcast and isolated from the norm.
Ones who, by their authoritarian and/or completely alienated and neglected childhoods felt that they had nowhere even to stand, no space they could claim as their own, which was not invaded, degraded, and claimed altogether by someone else- someone more powerful, someone omniscient and all-watching.
These people live to create legendary actions, and to make a name for themselves.
To create status, where there is none.
In their quest for some sort of reputation to attach to themselves, to fill the hollow outlines they perceive as all there is to them, to aggrandize and to enlarge their own image of themselves, it is just that – that it is perhaps more so to appear at all, to exist , to themselves than for other people.
It is to fill the heroic image they had had to create, an alternate to the perfection they could, and would, not attain for the dictating, usually, parent, who had so battered them down in infancy and childhood that they are now completely unself-possessed.
Self-possessed. To possess oneself. The very description of someone with high self-worth.
These never possessed either themselves or the freedom to sense who they actually were, could be.
They were owned, outright,and treated as chattal.
They were denied even the smallest of choices in life, and were forced, pulled along, and bullied into whatever shapes could be made of them, until the willpower exerted itself and had delienated an alternate model – as opposite, usually, to the model pursued ruthlessly by the would-be Pygmalianesque dominator as possibly conceivable by a child- and sometimes many of these personae had to be built by the oppressed child in order to one day be able to shrug off the tyrant’s hold on him or her.
These, then, paper-doll images, are by their very nature, fragile. The cause is that the actor cannot believe in them, in himself.
He cannot exult in successes nor find pride in accomplishments.
He will forever be the not-good-enough boy or girl. The bad one. The rebellious and detention-hallee, the trouble-maker, and, as such, will always be denied by the parental hierarchy the one thing he needs most- acceptance and affirmation, the bestowal of grace, the birthright so necessary that Jacob was, righteously, killed for it, and Abel.
Sibling slay each other every day, as they jockey for position with an egomaniacal parent run wild with power.
And the potentate can always sit back and bask in the never-ending quests by the unfortunate offspring to attain the carrot ever dangling on the stick waved in front of his face, as the, usually, cruel parent bestows the wand like a fairy godmother or father over others all around him, proclaiming them more than good enough, and ever tossing surly and surreptitious glances over his chipped shoulder toward the needy child, whether grown or not, who, endlessly, continues to seek just a few morsels of attention, if not of praise.
Why not just walk away? Why endure this continual punishment?
Because just as moths are lured to their deaths in order to seek out the beauty of the flame, so are abused children forever drawing ever closer to the monsters who had given them birth only to lord everything over them, in an obsessive-compulsive repetitive pattern of draw close and be pushed away.
But, as in any addiction, he will continue until either one or the other dies.
In any self-destructive pattern we must think of, remember, Steve McQueen, the very picture of an abused, neglected, abandoned, and very suicidal person. An orphan, he grew up in series of horrible places, and, though beautiful, or even because of it, had push and pull patterns all around him which must have made his background even more nightmarish. A relative, I know more about him than most, and I see our own features every time I watch one of his films. It’s scary, how close a resemblance is carried through the blood and placed on the visages of several of us living now- down to even the mannerisms and facial muscle uses.
The enigmatic DNA currents which flow in our own inner tides must also contribute to the wildness of the family, the cruelty, the restlessness, and the sensitivity evident in him, and in some of us.
The insatiable thirst for safe harbor, the races toward competition, toward physical agility tests which would daunt the sane, the drinking, the pushing the body beyond normal limits- all because he and we lack any sense of really being alive.
Have not much connection with actual pain, even, as it was never tended or reacted to, let alone cared about in childhood.
Numbness is a common characteristic of such types.
I’m still surprised when people stop after having gotten cut or whatever to tend to themselves, and to care about it- to feel it.
I, too, would hardly notice – and usually, not notice at all, if somehting happened to me.
I just watched, ‘the War Lover’, with the ultimate existential anti-hero, Steve McQueen –– and realized again why he was always cast in the suicidal tragic hero parts.
The former orphan and reform-school detainee, too vulnerable and sensitive, too fragile to carry through, he was ever playing the part of someone who’d been damaged and cast adrift alone on this sea of confusion, and could only attain the impossibly high standards of whatever terrifying creature had pronounced him first inadequate as a child, by forever displaying the most uncaring acts of his person, his body, and his all. Only by the extreme foolhardiness of stupid acts of courage, of selflessness, could he hope to reach at least that part of what had been required of him, and he could not achieve.
Could not be a ‘good boy’. Could not sit still, behave, be quiet, or do well in school.
Could not be perfect.
Could not ,therefore, be admitted into the inner sanctum of the would-be bestower of love. Would ever be deprived, cast out, declined, un-admitted, thrown out.
Could continue to not care about himself, his own body, his little hurts, since these had not had any value to the tyrant.
Could be braver, faster, higher-achieving than the lot, but could never, ever be what that monster required of him.
Therefore, the parent-figure had successfully negated his entire self, entire life, whatever he accomplished, from then on.
Had consumed the capacity for pleasure-taking in one’s professional accomplishments, had made the possibility of creating successful relationships almost nil.
So being the top male star had not done it for him, winning the swiftest car races, drinking the most, and being the most daring on motorcycles, even doing the wildest stunts.
Nothing had fulfilled him. Filled him.
The cannonball hole inside him ,the hollowing out by the constant belittling, the hounding, the abusing, had taken away not only the very sensory responses of a normal bodily system, numbing him to his own physical pain, but it had taken away most of the cherished gifts of life- forever.
The facs of our heroes lives always become confused with the mythologies of the parts they play, and in the collective mind.
Ever a loner – as all American icons are – independent, this type of hero has many devotees today.
The, “Rebel without a Cause”, syndrome connected to the eternal boy – the Puer culture we live in, attracts the majority of us, and is as appealing to females as it is to males. We all emulate this suicidal urge to some degree.
The fact that the anti-hero is the prevalent influence on so many of us today accounts for the fact that self-destructive tendencies –once bred into us by long-ago ancestral survival codes formulated toward one end – to protect the breeding females and to make the troupe continue when faced with danger – accouts for this suicidal behavior.
The fact that only fifteen percent of the human specie’s population at large is born with the ability to lead – while the rest are born followers, sheep, if you will, following the stronger ones, and that these born with reckless tendencies were probably meant as soldiers – disposable members of the group – meant for suicidal missions when their pack was threatened – is one probability. They were expendable, in other words, so a certain percentage of us all were born to be that way.
Another is the brain chemistry.
Altering the normal balance are bad foods, bad environment, bad ingestion of other substances, and bad moods.
Add that explosive concoction to bad society, plus bad peer pressure, bad examples, bad religiosity, or bad abuse, and you have a bad-ass/
With that bottled rage, you could fuel an empire of your own creation and live a long, prosperous life, instead of performing for your ego and for others, or merely to feed your appetite for domination.
Even though nature may have programmed many of us to be expendable, we still have free choice.
We can choose to love ourselves, to become rational, to value our bodies, and to realize that long life has much to offer.
To notice that getting acclaim from stupid onlookers, or to bombard family with the perceived punishment or control of dare-devilry leads nowhere.
A premature death is not romantic or appealing, really, is it?
To appreciate and to evaluate one’s own short (at best), life span, and to begin to want to extend it is the sign of real health, despite what the current media or army ads or macho myths might say.
Most of the ones who create and espouse those myths are cowardly, anyway.
And prowess if done suicidally, is not bravery. It’s just another addiction.
And more, it’s suicidal.
To transmutate this energy into real power for real life is one of the aims of the articles in this section.You might save a life. Maybe your own.
Read on to discover some real alternatives to either smothering energy in children who have low M.A.O. and for those who are suicidally dare-devilish, some saner ways of getting thrills.
Like, you could become a Planet Warrior, and join our Army4Animals – finding a positive outlet for energies in the service of all you love is the first step in finding self-worth. Valuing yourself leads to happiness. It’s all related.
To treat kids who are more than handfuls, use natural things, like GABA, which is used to help even autistic children to calm down.
The B vitamins should be taken by everyone every day, just like Vitamin C, due to the fact that we humans need to supplement them.
The B’s create calm moods and promote all sorts of other healing, and C is essential in staying well.
Before getting mad at your wild child, go to the health food store and do some reading. Most of them have some books you can do your own research in. Inform yourself and whether you’re the wild one or your mate or even your mother or father, find out how to heal naturally first.
You might save a life. Maybe your own.