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Alcohol Fix

ALCOHOL FIX


'All the waters of the seven seas cannot sink a ship – unless it gets inside.'

- unknown


Yesterday marked the anniversary of the death of a close, very beloved family member - someone whose life was taken by alcoholism. This page is a gift to anyone who is struggling with that force, whether in himself or in a loved one. I pray it helps you.


THIS IS SO CLOSE TO MY HEART, DUE TO PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, AND IT IS SO HARD TO ACTUALLY GET A FIX ON THIS SUBJECT, NOT BECAUSE IT'S ELUSIVE, BUT BECAUSE THE EMOTIONAL PAIN IN CONFRONTING EVEN MEMORIES IS SO EXTREME.

IT IS, OF COURSE, CONSIDERED IMPOSSIBLE FOR ANOTHER TO FIX AN ADDICT OF ANY KIND, THAT I ASK YOU TO BEAR WITH ME. MOST KNOW BY NOW THAT ONLY AN ADDICT CAN FIX HIMSELF, BUT THE COMPULSION, THE IMPERATIVE TO TRY TO SAVE SOMEONE REMINDS US THAT THERE ARE ALWAYS OTHER VICTIMS IN ANY TRAGEDY IN ADDITION TO THE ACTUAL ADDICT.

THIS IS A VERY PAINFUL SUBJECT.

AS PAINFUL AS IT ALWAYS IS FOR THE ADDICT, I TRULY BELIEVE IT IS AT LEAST AS HARD ON THOSE WHO MUST STAND AND WATCH, OR BEG AND PLEAD, HELP, PRAY, BARGAIN, WORRY, AND WONDER IF THE ADDICT OR ALCOHOLIC IS STILL ALIVE OR NOT.

IT IS THE LOVED ONES OF THE ADDICT WHO SUFFER MOST.

AND IT IS THEY WHO ULTIMATELY WILL LOSE THE LOVED ONE IF HE WILL NOT DECIDE TO SAVE HIMSELF, LIVING LONG YEARS WITHOUT HIM, ALWAYS MISSING HIM, ALWAYS WONDERING IF THERE HAD BEEN JUST ONE MORE THING THEY MIGHT HAVE DONE IN ORDER TO REACH HIM, TO INFLUENCE HIM, TO SAVE HIM. AT LEAST HE OR SHE HAS THE OBLIVION OF THE SUBSTANCE AND THE DEEP SATISFACTION - FOR SOME - THAT THEY ARE CARED ABOUT. FOR OTHERS, AT ROOT IS THE REVENGE THEY CAN INFLICT ON THEM. FOR ALL, THIS IS A DISEASE - A WARPED SPIRAL THAT HAS DRAWN THEM IN - LOOKING PRETTY AND FUN AT FIRST, AND THEN SEALING THEM IN ITS' LAIR AS DOES A SPIDER WITH ITS' VICTIM.

THIS IS NOTHING TO JUDGE OR TO REACT TO WITH EMOTION, AND YET - EMOTION IS THE MEDIUM THE DISEASE USES TO TAKE HOLD, AND THEN, INSIDIOUSLY, IT ENSNARES THROUGH OUR OWN PATTERNS OF D.N.A. SOME OF US HAVE THE ADDICTIVE GENE, AND SOME DO NOT. 

PHYCHOLOGICALLY, WE ALL HAVE DEGREES OF OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVENESS, AND TO VARYING THINGS. ONCE THE ALCOHOL HAS SEIZED CONTROL, IT UNDERMINES THE BODILY FUNCTIONS, INCLUDING THOSE OF THE BRAIN CHEMISTRY, ALTERING IT SUBSTANTIALLY - MAKING IT REPLAY THE DICTATES OF WHAT IT REQUIRES OF THE VICTIM.

TO THINK THAT SOMEONE CAN JUST ESCAPE THE CLUTCHES BY SHEER WILL IS TO BE NAIVE.

FOLLOWING IS A PERSONAL, GUT-WRENCHING ACCOUNT OF THE STAGES AND THROES OF PAIN AS A LOVED ONE MUST WATCH AS THE VICTIM OF ALCOHOL GOES DOWN THE SPIRAL OF THIS HIDEOUS DISEASE, AS EVERY FRANTIC EFFORT IS EXERTED TO SAVE HIM IS EXHAUSTED.

NO VICTIM SUFFERS ALONE.

STANDING IN FOR, PERHAPS, THE ONE IN A FAMILY WHO HAD NOT TENDED THE ADDICT IN INFANCY, WHO’D BETRAYED, UNMOTHERED, ABUSED HIM OR HER, THE LOYAL LOVED ONE IS FIRST THE OBJECT OF THE PROJECTED PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PUNISHMENTS MEANT FOR ANOTHER, AND THEN, EVEN BY AL-ANON, LABELED AS AN ENABLER.

IT IS HELLISH, HAVING TO WATCH AS ONE’S ADORED ONE, MAYBE A SPOUSE, OR AS IN MY CASE, A SIBLING, SLOWLY POISON HIMSELF TO DEATH.

TAKING EVERY POSSIBLE CHANCE TO DOSE HIMSELF, USUALLY, LYING TO THE VERY ONES WHO MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP – DUE TO A MISPLACED SENSE OF LOVE, OF TRYING TO PROTECT THE SO-CALLED CO-DEPENDENT IN THIS SICK DANCE OF DYSFUNCTION, MAYBE JUST BECAUSE IT MAKES THE DRINKING OR DRUGGING MORE CONVENIENT.

OR, SADDEST, MAYBE IT STARTS OFF, THE DECEPTION, AS A GOOD IMPULSE, TO PROTECT ANOTHER, AND ENDS UP AS A METHOD OF MERE EXPEDIENCY- ANYTHING TO WARD OFF WHATEVER MIGHT MAKE THE DRUG OF CHOICE COME FASTER.

YES, FOR THE LUCKY UNINITIATED, ALCOHOL IS A DRUG. A POISON. AND FOR MANY, A LETHAL ADDICTION LEADING ONLY TO ONE END – TO THE GRAVE ALCOHOL DRAGS ITS’ SLAVE.

THROUGH YEARS, OR MAYBE DECADES, THE BODY OF THE ADDICT SLOWLY, THEN, QUICKLY, DECLINES.

FIRST, THOUGH, THE SOUL SHRINKS, ALMOST LITERALLY - ALONG WITH THE BRAIN MATTER AND THE OTHER TISSUES OF THE PHYSICAL SELF.

THE CONSCIENCE IS SACRIFICED, DECENCY, SHAME, EVEN GUILT IS MURDERED WITHIN THE HIDDEN SPIRIT OF THE NOW CONNIVING AND DEGENERATE PERSON.

OTHERS HAVE LONG SINCE ABANDONED HIM AT LEAST IN SOME WAYS. MAYBE THEY STILL LET HIM VISIT, BUT THEY WATCH HIM CLOSELY. MAYBE THEY HESITATE BEFORE ‘LENDING’ HIM SOME MORE MONEY. THE WORST OF THEM STILL GIVE HIM BEERS.

THE LOVED ONE CARRIES ON, LOST IN THE DENIAL BORN OF AN INSTINCT OF SURVIVAL, AND OF SHEER NEED TO CONTINUE TO BELIEVE IN THE GOODNESS OF THE ADDICT, THROUGH THICK AND THIN, BEING NOW ELATED BECAUSE OF SOME SHRED OF HOPE, AND THEN, DOWNCAST BECAUSE YET ANOTHER FALL HAS BEEN REPORTED BY SOME NEIGHBOR OR WELL-MEANING FRIEND, HAVING SOUGHT OUT THE RELATIVE TO TELL THIS URGENT TALE OF HORROR, EXPECTING SOME OUTRAGE, SOME BURST OF EXCITED SURPRISE. THEY HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING HOW OFTEN YOU’VE BEEN PULLED ASIDE BY ANDXIOUS AND WELL-MEANING PERSONS AND TOLD SOME SIMILAR TALE, HOW OFTEN YOU’VE BEEN REMINDED THAT IT’S A VERY PRIVATE JOURNEY, ONE NOT SHARED BY THOSE WHO DO NOT HAVE AN ADDICT CLOSE TO THEM, AND THAT THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW MANY HEROIC FEATS HAVE BEEN TRIED, HOW MANY BOOKS HAVE BEEN READ, EXPERTS HAVE BEEN CONSULTED, HOW MANY TEAR-STAINED NIGHTS ENDURED, HOW MANY JAILS HE’S BEEN SPRUNG FROM, HOW MANY BRUTALITIES HAVE BEEN EXCUSED, HOW MANY APOLOGIES MADE, AND HOW UTTERLY DEVOID OF RESOURCES YOU’VE NOW BECOME.

OUT OF IDEAS, BURDENED BECAUSE FINALLY YOU’VE SCREAMED AT HIM,’IF I SAW YOU RUNNING INTO A BURNING BUILDING I’D HAVE TO TRY TO STOP YOU! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND!’

WHERE DOES THE RESPONSIBILITY LIE? THE NEIGHBORS ,FRIENDS, CLEARLY, AS YOU DO, THE CO-DEPENDENT ENABLER, SO-CALLED, THE DUPE, THE NINNY, THE STRAIGHT MAN LEFT HOLDING THE BAG. AND THE GUILT YOU ACCEPT. AND BEAR. AND EXCUSE THE ADDICT.AND CARRY ON, UNTIL ONE DAY, ONE DAY, HIS BODY IS WEARING OUT SO VISIBLY THAT SOMETHING INSIDE YOU BEGINS TO SCREAM!

YOU’VE TRIED LETTING GO, LETTING GOD, NON-INVOLVEMENT, NOT BEING BAITED, AS AL-ANON SUGGESTS, AND NOW SEE, SEE – YOU’VE LET GO OF HIM, AND HE – JUST LIKE YOU’D KNOWN DEEP INSIDE ALL ALONG- HE CAN’T MAKE IT ON HIS OWN.

HE’S USED YOUR ABSENCE, YOUR DISTANCE AS A FREE RIDE TO SUICIDE.

HE’S READ IT NOT AS LOVE, AS A LAST DESPERATE HOPE, AS AN EXPERT’S ADVICE, BUT AS YET ANOTHER BETRAYAL, AN ABANDONMENT.

AND YET ANOTHER EXCUSE TO DRINK. TO IMBIBE. TO DISCOMBOBULAE. TO DISSOLVE. TO DISASSEMBLE. TO THE ULTIMATE DISSOLUTION OF DEATH.

OH, YES, IT’S HE WHO’S ABANDONED BOTH HIMSELF AND YOU, BUT NO MATTER.

HIS BRAIN IS NOW GONE.

HE ACTS STRANGELY, PECULIARLY. PEOPLE REMARK ABOUT IT. 

IT HURTS MORE THAN ANYTHING TO SEE HIM TREATED LIKE A BUM BY OTHERS – HE WHOM YOU’VE ALWAYS ADORED, HE WHO YOU’VE KNOWN TO BE A GENIUS, A GREAT ARTIST, THE FUNNIEST GUY ON EARTH, THE MOST LOVING.

HE FOR WHOM YOU’D DIE.

AND YET, IT’S HE WHO DOES.

FIRST, IT’S THE ANEMIA, OR SOMETHING ELSE, MAYBE AN ACCIDENT, A FALL, WHEN YOU FIND THAT SOMEONE IN HIS TWENTIES HAS THE FRAIL BONES OF AN EIGHTY-YEAR-OLD. WHATEVER THE SYMPTOMS, OTHER, SECONDARY, DISEASES HAVE BY NOW SET IN. ROADS TO FATALITY. SOME MAY DIE IN ACCIDENTS BEFORE THIS TIME, OR WORSE, KILL OTHERS.

EVERYONE ELSE HAS ALREADY BEGUN TO STEER CLEAR OF HIM BY THIS TIME, ALL AFRAID BECAUSE OF HIS APPEARANCE THAT HE MIGHT HAVE AIDS, AND IT IS THEN, AS THEY FEAR AND SCATTER, AS HE BEGINS TO NEED PEOPLE MORE AND THEY SHRINK AWAY AS HIS FLESH HAS, THAT YOU LEARN WHAT OTHERS ARE REALLY MADE OF. DESPITE ALL, DESPITE ANYTHING, YOU WILL REMAIN. YOU WILL FEND FOR HIM. YOU WILL SAVE HIM.

YOU SEE HIM ONLY WITH EYES OF LOVE. YOU SEE ONLY THE BEST OF HIM.

THEN, A BLOOD TRANSFUSION, AN X-RAY, WHATEVER PICKS UP THE SPEED ON THIS ONE-WAY DIVE..

CONSTANT USE OF, NOW, PAIN PILLS. 

FIRST OVER THE COUNTER, THEN HE LEARNS THAT THEY GO WELL WITH ALCOHOL AND SO HE SWEET-TALKS A WILLING DOCTOR AT A HOSPITAL. THE LOOKS AND CHARM STILL, DESPITE ALL, WORK SPELLS FOR HIM.

THE SYSTEM COMPLIES,CONSPIRES WITH HIM ON HIS ROUTE .THEY HAPPILY DISPENSE ALL DRUGS, YOU KNOW, TO ANYONE. KICKBACKS. PERKS. MONEY-MOTIVES.

THEY SEE A LOST CAUSE STANDING THERE. THEIR CALLOUNESS, APATHY, ENRAGES YOU.

YOU STILL SEE A GOD. A YOUNG GOD.

YOU THINK HE’LL LIVE DESPITE ALL THEY TELL YOU,DESPITE EVERYTHING ANYONE SAYS.

YOU’VE BEEN INSANE, ABOUT HIM, ONLY ON HIM, FOR YEARS. HE'S ALWAYS BEEN YOUR WEAK SPOT. YOU KNOW HOW BEAUTIFUL HIS SOUL HAS ALWAYS BEEN. YOU'LL DO ANYTHING TO HELP HIM SURVIVE.

AS MUCH AS HE NEEDS DRINK, YOU NEED HIM.

YOU NEED TO PROTECT HIM, YOU WANT ALL YOUR PROMISES OF BEING THERE THROUGH LIFE TOGETHER TO COME THROUGH.

YOU CAN’T SEE ANYTHING BUT THAT A MIRACLE WILL COME THROUGH. AFTER ALL, HE’S SO YOUNG!

BUT THEN HOSPICE TAKES YOU APART, WORD BY WORD, THEY PULL YOU OUT OF THE ROOM, ONE TELLS HIM, THE OTHER, YOU.

HE’S GOING TO DIE. NO HOPE. 

AND STILL YOU STRAIN WITH ALL YOUR BEING. YOU INTRODUCE YOURSELF ANEW TO GOD. YOU BEG, BARGAIN AND PLEA, THIS TIME WITH GOD TO SAVE HIM.

HE HIMSELF WOULD NEVER HEED YOUR PLEAS AND NOW GOD DOES NOT EITHER.

THE NIGHTMARE YOU’VE BEEN IN FOR DECADES PERHAPS NOW SPEEDS INTO A WARP ZONE, AND SLEEP WILL NOT COME, AND REST WILL NOT COME, AND SHOCK ENVELOPS YOU THE WAY HIS DRUG USED TO ENVELOP HIM, AS YOU LIE WIDE-EYED INTO THE NIGHT, HAVING CARRIED HOME-MADE SOUP UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS, HAVING CLEANED VOMIT, HAVING CHANGED SHEETS – YOU HAVEN’T HAD TIME TO EVEN THINK OF EATING ANYTHING YOURSELF – ALL IN THE SERVICE OF THE BELOVED.

THE NEEDY. THE –NO, YOU CAN’T THINK IT!-THE DYING.

MEWHERE IN A BLOCKED-OFF PART OF YOUR MIND, YOU ARE SCREAMING NON-STOP, WAITING TO HIT THE PAVEMENT IN A SKYSCRAPER FALL, BUT THE LOGICAL MIND STAVES OFF HORROR, CARRIES ON, DOES DUTIES, WHILE YOUR HEART GIVES ALL YOUR LOVE. YOU HAVE PROBABLY TRIED TO SELL YOUR SOUL TO GOD OR WHOMEVER BY NOW.

IF ONLY. IF ONLY, YOU WILL SPARE HIM!

HE’S SKELETAL. YOU’D NOT KNOWN UNTIL YOU’D SEEN HIM OUT OF SWEATERY SWEATS AT THE HOSPITAL. YOU’D ALMOST FAINTED. COLD.

HE HAD SO FEW RESOURCES, YOU’D SEEN. 

SO LITTLE LEFT TO DRAW ON.

HIS LIFE HAD BEEN SUCKED CLEAN OUT OF HIM BY THE ALCOHOL.

LIKE A DEMON. LIKE BEING POSSESSED. AND YOU’D BEEN CONTENDING WITH A DARK FORCE YOU COULD NEVER DEFEAT, AND YET HAD CONTINUED, STILL CONTINUE, THIS WAR WITH IT, HOPING TO SALVAGE YET HIS SPIRIT.

YOU SPEAK OF GOD, YOU PRAY WITH HIM, YOU REMEMBER THE CHILDHOOD DOGMAS AND THE FEAR OF GOING DOWN THERE.

YOU REMEMBER THE GOOD THINGS HE’S DONE. YOU SHELTER HIM STILL- WOULD, WILL, NEVER EVER RELATE ALL YOU KNOW OF HIS BAD DEEDS TO ANYONE.

YOU HASTILY FOIST WHAT COMFORTING VERSES AND STORIES YOU CAN MUSTER ON HIM, IN BETWEEN LAME TV SHOWS YOU’D SWORN TO ENJOY TOGETHER WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO BE NINETY.

YOU FEAR GOING OUT OF THE ROOM. WHAT IF? YOU HAVE TO WATCH HIM NON-STOP, EVEN THOUGH BECAUSE OF HIS LIVER SWELLING HE CAN NO LONGER REALLY LIE DOWN. HE’S IN PAIN.

HE WON’T COMPLAIN. HE’S A MAN.

BUT YOU SEE IT.

ND THEN YOU BEING TO FEEL GUILTY FOR NEEDING HIM SO MUCH, FOR NEEDING HIM TO LIVE, EVEN IF HE’S READY TO CHUCK IT ALL.

YOU DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO HURT HIM. YOU HAVE LIVED YOUR LIFE TRYING TO MAKE HIM THRIVE.

YOU HAVE FAILED.

AND THEN, SUDDENLY, HE’S DYING! YOU’RE SEATED NEXT TO HIM, HOLDING HIS HAND ONE MOMENT,LISTLESSLY, STILL PRAYING INSIDE, AND THE NEXT, STANDING UP HOLDING BOTH HIS UPPER ARMS IN YOUR GRIP – THERE’S NOTHING LEFT OF THEM!-, SPEAKING DIRECTLY INTO HIS FACE AS HIS PUPILS DILATE, AS HIS BODY SHUDDERS UNCONTROLLABLY, LIKE AN ELECTRIC TOY GONE MAD – YOU LIE-' I SEE THE ANGELS, I SEE JESUS!HE’S HERE! THEY’VE COME TO ASK YOU TO GO WITH THEM! IT’S OK IF YOU’D LIKE TO GO! I’LL BE ALRIGHT! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU…!'

THIS IS A TRUE STORY. MY BROTHER DIED. IT HAS TAKEN ME TWO FULL YEARS TO APPROACH HAVING A NORMAL LIFE SINCE. IT WILL NEVER BE OVER, THOUGH, MISSING HIM, NEEDING HIM, SORROWING. 

PLEASE, IF YOU DRINK, IF YOU ARE AN ALCOHOLIC, THINK OF THE ONES WHO LOVE YOU. DO WHATEVER IT IS YOU MUST DO TO STOP DRINKING. DRUGGING. WHATEVER.

PRAY AND GOD WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY.

TRY AA. NA.,ETC. TRY SHRINKS. TRY CHURCHES, COUNSELERS, ANYONE, BUT STOP ABUSING.

THIS IS THE ONLY ALCOHOLFIX

THIS IS THE ONLY ADDICTFIX

STOP IT. NOW!

ADDICTION – NO ABSOLUTION, JUST DISSOLUTION, DELUSION, IT’S NO SOLUTION.

HEAL.

This was submitted by someone on our EcoMermaid team who prefers to remain anonymous. We hope it will make many people understand how very deadly alcohol is.

If you drink, contact Alcoholics Anonymous - they're always listed locally. 

If you have a loved one who drinks, contact them for your local Al-Anon support for the families and friends of the addict.

Alcoholics Anonymous may not be perfect - we're on earth, remember, Dr. Laura slaves - AA works.

AA has a long history of saving drinkers from early deaths. No other institution, no private counseling, no churches, nothing offers this track record.

Do what works. Heal.




REMEMBER - "... all the water of the seven seas cannot sink a boat, unless it gets inside…."


ALSO, ALL THE LIQUID IN THE UNIVERSE CANNOT QUENCH THE THRIST INSIDE A SOUL – ONLY FILLING THAT VOID WITH GOD’S LOVE CAN. NO OTHER HUMAN, NO PET, NO CAREER OR ACCLAIM CAN EVER SATISFY THE LONGING WHICH LEADS SO MANY TO ATTEMPT TO GET THE FIX THEY SO DESPERATELY NEED BY TURNING TO SUBSTANCE ABUSE AFTER HAVING TRIED ALL THEIR LIVES IN VAIN TO GET THE MOTHERING OR FATHERING THEY’D MISSED OUT ON IN INFANCY AND CHILDHOOD. THEY’D RATHER DIE THAN ADMIT THEIR ANGER AND REPRESSED RAGE – RIGHTEOUS RAGE – OR VENT IT AGAINST THEIR PARENTS. INSTEAD, THEY ACCEPT ALL THE BLAME, TURN IT INTO SHAME, AND DIRECT THAT POTENT WEAPON OF UNREQUIETED FEAR AGAINST THEMSELVES, HOPING TO DRENCH IT, TO DROWN THE TRUTH, IN ALCOHOL OR OTHER CHEMICAL TOXINS.

IT NEVER WORKS.

IT OFTEN KILLS.


TO SPEND LIFE IN FEAR OF EITHER ITS’ INEVITABLE END OR IN DREAD OF FEELING APPROPRIATE RAGE IS TO SMOTHER IT.

DEAL WITH YOUR FEELINGS. DIRECT THE ANGER TO THE ORIGINATORS OF IT, ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL IT, KNOW THE TRUTH OF THE ABUSE YOU HAD SUFFERED, ADMIT YOU WERE GUILTLESS, THEN FORGIVE THE PERPETRATORS.

EMPTY OUT THE RANCID ANGER YOU’VE BEEN NURSING ALL THESE YEARS. BE FREE OF IT.

ADMIT IT’S THERE FIRST, THEN SPEND FIVE MINUTES EVERY DAY IN ACTIVE FORGIVENESS AND YOU WILL BEGIN TO FILL THAT WOUND WITH LOVE AND HEALING.


RATHER THAN CONTINUING TO POUR ALCOHOL ON A WOUND, LET IT BREATHE, LET IT SPEAK TO YOU, LET THE FEELINGS OUT, AND THEN SOOTHE IT WITH COMPASSIONATE FORGIVENESS AND LOVE FOR YOURSELF TOO.

YOU WILL FEEL THAT YOU DESERVE LOVE, THEN. YOU WILL HAVE SHOWN LARGESSE AND GENEROSITY.

YOU WILL BE FREE.


HEAL FIRST, THEN THE ADDICTION WILL FALL AWAY FROM YOU.

FACE YOUR FLAWS.

ALLOW SPIRITUALITY IN.

ALLOW GOD TO HEAL YOUR PSYCHE, THEN YOUR CRAVINGS WILL END.

JOIN SELF-HELP GROUPS - A.A. HAS HELPED MILLIONS REGAIN LIFE.


ONE HAPPY PAL OF MINE VISITED, HAVING BECOME SOBER AFTER YEARS, AND HE SAID, "I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I WAS MISSING! EVERYTHING IS SO WONDERFUL!"

HAVING BEEN ENSLAVED SO LONG TO EITHER DRINKING OR OBTAINING THE MEANS TO DRINK, HE WAS NOW FREED TO HAVE FUN, TO ENJOY LIFE, TO THINK, TO FEEL, AND TO COME ALIVE AGAIN.

LIFE IS ALL TOO SHORT ANYWAY, SO GET THE HELP YOU NEED TODAY AND START LIVING !



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