ALL WHO ARE LIVING WILL LOSE ALL THAT THEY LOVE, BIT BY BIT.
LIFE BEGINS AS A SERIES OF “HELLOS” AND AT SOME POINT, A SERIES OF “GOOD-BYES” STARTS AND NEVER ENDS UNTIL YOU YOURSELF DIE.
That said, allow the acceptance of this fact of life to settle in your mind – let it go past your guardian defense mechanisms – through the sticky realm of denial – and to reach the other side, which will free you.
We at EcoMermaid believe that to embrace the truth – the logical truth – is the way to liberation, to healing, and to happiness.
When going through the depths of despair that grief brings in the wake of its’ tidal wave, nothing for awhile will comfort.
This darkest night of the soul threatens the very foundations you most rely upon, tilting your world upside down and spilling you out of your safe harbor – like the image on the profound Tarot card entitled, “the tower”.
Life’s calamities affect each individual throughout our brief sojourn as humans, but the most astounding and soul-rending ones occur when the closest of loved ones die.
And die they will. All who love will eventually lose.
If you have not yet been touched – of slammed- by grief, rest assured you will.
If we prepare for this aspect of existence it will lessen the shock.
Nothing will assuage the painful steps along the way, but we hope the honest discussion of this unavoidable premise will help. The price of admission to living as a human being is the awareness of approaching death.
Is it worth it ? it isn’t to far too many of us. It takes strength to handle the truth, and it takes truth to go through the pain.
And no matter how prepared we think we are – make no mistake – the reality, when it hits, knocks each and every one of us off our feet – sometimes quite literally. This is why the old wisdom has everyone make sure the recipient of devastating news be both seated and held by a loved one.
Ever caught off-guard, no matter what – especially here in America, land of the culture of the Puer – the eternal boy – where neither the deer nor the antelope are allowed to roam freely, and where seldom is allowed to be heard a discouraging word.
We live in a world steeped in denial, and react with inappropriate surprise when confronted by hideous monsters like death- or so they are perceived in our country.
When in fact the face of Death offers a kind aspect too, of dissolving at last into a place of comfort and salvation, no matter how unshakable our beliefs before – most of the bereaved flee instantly into a lost zone where they question even their most cherished religions.
Death always isolates one.
Because the one lost is irreplacable, and because each loved one in a persons’ own circumfrence of intimacy plays a pivotal and unique role in the support system a person relies upon, no matter who dies, the table goes tumbling to the floor. A viital leg is gone and the balance is forever altered.
From now on, the person goes on in spite of this loss.
Being a survivor means never again thriving in the way he or she had before – spinning along with all the spokes in the wheel of life turning in harmonious abandon.
It’s easy to have faith and to feel complete, safe, when one’s world of loved ones is intact.
The hard part comes when faced with this – how am I going to survive without him or her ?
How am I going to be happy without him or her ?
How am I going to forgive God for His universe and its’ system of planned obsolesence and get back to believing again ?
All the books, all the praying, and all the hand-holding of well-meaning folks will not stop the sleepless nights, the gnashing of teeth, the thrashing of your soul as you try to barter your own life with the unseen if they would only make it possible for the lost one to return, as you begin to watch tv mediums in hope of training your own mind to see through the dark and to find the beloved, as you tear through your belongings and cling to hand-written scraps of paper or little ornaments, talismans, magical links to things the dead had touched just the other day !
Another way that bereavement isolates one is that you will find that people react oddly to death. Often – as in superstition – people feel that just by mentioning it they are perhaps drawing the dreaded subject to themselves.
There is also the fear of contracting some disease by being near.
And the fear, now , of being unhappy as a health matter has taken some over.
The main reason for isolation is that there is no other who can relate to this dire need adequately, with the possible exception of professionally-trained counsellors and clergy, and those who have been through much the same type of loss, but where are these people when the deepest gloom descends on one in the middle of the night ? and what of those who feel they must keep a public image, a normal face, intact no matter what ?
To repress these enomous and eclipsing emotion, to keep them inside your own shroud of depression is to tempt you to join the loved one.
The huge chasms of guilt – always felt no matter what the circumstance – of murderous wrath, of anger even against the victim, and of peril for one’s own soul because of such negative and overwhelming storms inside – let alone the helplessness, the feeling of whether the loved one has survived in another form, can be relocated, found again, whether in this or another life, of whether he or she is safe and in heaven or wherever is enough to drive any sane person mad.
There are grief groups and counseling for those who have lost either their mate or their child, but none to comfort the surviving siblings or the children – yes, we’re always children of our parents until that parent dies. Only then are we orphaned.
For adult children there are no groups.
The intensity of sibling relationships – for those of you who are not aware – are legendary, and, like soular twins, those of the opposiite sex are a special case in intimacy.
For those who have lost pets – and those of your who have never bonded with a soul of another specie have not only lost out on a primary relationship, but your quality of life has suffered by the omission – we have a special category to help you GriefFix after losing your beloved animal family member.
This tragedy also lacks grief counseling in our society.
We at EcoMermaid, in the SpiritFix division offer our help in all these categories, and our comfort.
And go easy on the people you meet in your daily life – you never know who is wrestling with this heaviest of inner turmoils – you have the opportunity to be a vision of light in someone’s life or even the one who might send that person over the edge – even by just doing a common business transaction.
Be a Blessing.
Grief Mermaid >