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Enthusiastic Personality Jokes


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Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'

Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day 

and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"

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One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting. 

Later, he asked what "bitch" and "bastard" mean. 

They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman." 

The next day, he overheard his parents having sex. 

He later asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean. 

His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats." 

At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" 

Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut." 

A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. 

Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, 

"Hello bitches and bastards! 
Hurry up with your penises and vaginas we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"

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A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. 

She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these."

The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint.

But when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped. 

I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time." 

Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted, "Quick! Spit them out! They're assholes!"

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Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. 

"Give me your money," he demanded. 

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!" 

"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"

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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. 

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." 

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. 

 The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. 

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing." 

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" 

The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

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Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. 

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" 

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. 

"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. 

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," 

But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. 

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 

 "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. 

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" 

And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. 

This time April jumped up and shouted, 

"IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" 

The Teacher fainted.

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Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. 

Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. 

"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. 

If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell." 

The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' Socrates' teachings." 

With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. 

The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. 

"Then, go to Hell!" 

With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared. 

The mathematician then asked,"Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!" 

With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. 

The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. 

"Then, go to Hell!" 

With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too. 

The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" 

The Devil brought forward a chair. 

"Drill 7 holes on the seat." 

The Devil did just that. 

The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. 

Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?" 

The Devil inspected the seat and said,"The third hole from the right." 

"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole." And the idiot went to heaven.

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A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. 

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. 

His dad thought for a while and answered, "Look at it this way: 
I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future." 

"I still don't get it" responded the Little Johnny. 

"Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better," said the dad. 

"Okay then...good night" said Little Jonny went off to bed. 

In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. 

He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. 

So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. 

When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. 

Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. 

So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. 

Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud. 

 "OH!! Now I understand the government! 

The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!"

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