The Pseudo Ask Out

posted Dec 14, 2010, 6:47 PM by Ellen Mahloy
Most women want their suitors to ask them on dates by saying something like, "Martha, would you like to see It's A Wonderful Life at the Boardwalk Theater this Saturday night at 8pm?" and no later than Wednesday evening.  No later than Wednesday, because most single gals do not want to sit home alone on the weekend, and if they don't have a date by Wednesday, they make plans with their friends on Thursday.

One of the most annoying and perplexing of male courtship behaviors is the "Pseudo Ask Out".  The Pseudo Ask Out is when a guy says, "I think you're great!  We should go out sometime." or "I loved talking to you.  We should go on a date."  With no actual date being made - no day, time, place or activity being planned.  And it becomes a failure to launch.

I'm not talking about when a guy says, "Want to do coffee Sunday afternoon?" to which you might reply, "Yeah.  Great.  Which cafe and what time?".  Or if a fella says, "Would you like to go to the movies Saturday night?", to which you reply "Sure.  What time and what movie did you have in mind?". 

I'm talking about when a guy indicates no more than he wants to go out with you... somewhere, sometime, some place, for some sort of activity... maybe even this weekend, or next week, or next month, or who knows when.  Because it is so vague.

There are only 2 reasonable ways to handle the Pseudo Ask Out (asking him out is not reasonable because it flips the male-female dynamic, which neutralizes romance - most dudes don't want to be chased):

Option 1 to handle a Pseudo Ask Out - You say, "I agree. (with a big smile)" or "That sounds like fun. (big smile)" or "I'd like that. (big smile)."  And let him take the initiative or never go out with you.  It's taking the "He's Just Not That Into You" stance.

Option 2 to handle a Pseudo Ask Out - You say. "I agree.  Would you like to schedule something now? (big smile)"  Then, hopefully, said date shall ensue.  If he does not schedule a date after your prompt, you need to take the "He's Just Not That Into You" stance.

I'm a fan of option 1.  Can you tell I like the book "He's Just Not That Into You?"  Option 2 can be more effective than option 1, unless you're dealing with a player or a fella with such low self esteem he needs to build up his confidence before actually asking you out.

Food for thought