Hope and Mope

posted Jun 26, 2014, 1:53 PM by Ellen Mahloy   [ updated May 12, 2015, 2:34 PM ]
One of the least effective dating strategies I've observed is what I call the "Hope and Mope Method".  The Hope and Mope Method is when a gal stops acting like a date and starts acting like a girlfriend, hoping a commitment is imminent, and moping when her fella does not declare he has serious feelings for her or request a commitment from her.  

Using the Hope and Mope Method means she exclusively dates her fella even though he hasn't asked her to do so.  It also means she lets him off the hook in terms of taking her on nice dates and doing romantic things, such as, writing love letters, sending her flowers, and other things that indicate he adores her, to win her favor.  In other words, courtship ends and hanging out and hooking up begins.

Trying to move things to the next level by acting like a girlfriend before a suitor has asked for that commitment, comes across as desperate and is highly unattractive.  Her trying to move the relationship to the next level short circuits the dating process and jacks up a man's primal need to woo and win her.  What she doesn't realize is her actions often have the exact opposite affect she is hoping so dearly for.

Most men are wired to - and want to - woo the woman they wish to marry.  Most men will work hard to win over the object of their affection and secure a commitment from her.  If a woman offers a suitor commitment without him wooing her, it communicates she believes herself unworthy of being courted to commitment.

Contemporary courtship means a man respectfully and mindfully plans dates for his intended until he has earned her affection, admiration and trust and the right to request a commitment from her.  Short circuiting this process is to diminish the romance for both parties.  Don't "hope and mope", "court and sort" instead!

Food for thought.