Dating Strategy

posted Dec 14, 2010, 6:35 PM by Ellen Mahloy   [ updated Apr 29, 2014, 10:00 AM ]
A dating strategy begins with wisdom.  Wisdom is knowledge combined with common sense and insight.  You can get dating wisdom from a date coach, an inspiring book or workshop, or a deep comprehension of your own experiences. 

I received my wisdom from my mom Tressie.  She sat me down when I was 13 and gave me a talk about guys, dating and sex.  My mom was a fun, beautiful and intelligent woman who became pregnant in high school.  She dropped out of school to get married and raise my brother Michael.

Her initial marriage was short lived and years later she married my dad.  The fact that mom was a former beauty queen who was fun and intelligent got her lots of dates before she met my dad (who was amazing and swept her off her feet).

My mother's choices, experiences and wisdom formed the guidelines she gave me.  And her timing was impeccable.  At 13 I was awkward, shy, unattractive (thanks to braces and 2 hideous perms) and a late bloomer.  I was old enough to understand the conversation, but not in a position to use any of the information and that turned out to be perfect. 

I spent the next several years observing my peers date and mate.  By the time I began dating at 15, I had years of do's and dont's and when I put my mother's suggestions into action they worked like magic.  Naturally, I made mistakes along the way and some of the guidelines my mother gave me were out of sync with the times, but the vast majority of her suggestions were spot on.

The thing that caught me most by surprise was that almost no other gal I met (in high school or college or as an adult) received a talk about how to date from their mother.  When other high school girls realized I was doing something different and asked what was I doing differently, I tried to explain what my mother taught me, but the information fell on deaf ears. 

I watched with sadness as some of my girlfriends had one painful experience after another with boys.  They seemed unable to break the negative patterns they were establishing with males and I was helpless to assist them.  I thought they would out grow their negative patterns with maturity, but to my dismay, almost none of them did so.

Having said all that... a dating strategy is not for everyone.  Some people are so emotionally intelligent, mature, stable, and personable that they do not need a dating strategy.  Everyone else (including me) does better with some sort of guidelines and goals to achieve success.

Food for thought.