Dating By Default

posted Dec 14, 2010, 6:36 PM by Ellen Mahloy   [ updated Apr 29, 2014, 10:05 AM ]
Most people do what I call "dating by default".  Which means they date with no style, strategy, and some times, no common sense.  Dating by default works well if you are super savvy when it comes to the opposite sex.  And not so much if you get caught up in an emotional whirlwind when you fall for someone.

Most people who date by default don't really date at all.  They boyfriend or girlfriend hunt.  Their goal is sex or commitment or both and they want it as fast as it can be had.

When people skip dating and move quickly into relationships, they miss very important opportunities.  They miss the opportunity to get to know someone slowly over time.

Getting to know someone slowly over time allows you to observe their inner qualities, emotional intelligence, behavior patterns, and to see any red flags before becoming emotionally invested - and perhaps unable to be objective.

Getting to know someone slowly over time allows you the opportunity to date other people.  Dating multiple people can prevent you from becoming too invested in any one person.

Getting to know someone slowly over time allows you to avoid the heart break that comes from bonding deeply with a person who turns out not to be a good fit.

Getting to know someone slowly over time allows you to observe and consider your feelings, thoughts, communication style, attitude and behavior without undue pressure.

If the idea of getting to know someone slowly over time is unappealing to you, ask yourself why.  Do you fear the person you're dating will meet someone else to date?  Or that the person you're dating will become more intimate with someone else?  Do you feel that getting commitment as soon as possible is winning the game?  Are you afraid no one else will want to date you?

Food for thought.