posted Aug 6, 2011, 9:10 AM by Ellen Mahloy   [ updated Apr 29, 2014, 10:08 AM ]
What is attractive is more subjective than you might think.  I first realized this in high school when I noticed most of my close friends had fellas who were crazy about them.  The fact that my pals came in different shapes, sizes, styles and personalities, made no difference in their having suitors.

When assessing attractiveness, many women focus sharply on their appearance.  While physical attractiveness does play a role at the onset, it will not hold the attention of a serious suitor unless other aspects of the person are also attractive.

The things serious suitors find attractive:
  1. Appearance = health + style + traits the admirer finds appealing
  2. Captivating Charm = a special blend of friendly, fun, humorous and intriguing
  3. Confidence = an inner knowing projected outward that one can hold their own in most situations and circumstances; the feeling of confidence sets others at ease
  4. Stability = mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, addictions, financial, etc.
  5. Character, Values & Lifestyle Compatibility = this is completely subjective
  6. Quirks, Hobbies & Interests = also completely subjective
  7. Metaphysical Magnetic Attraction = the sense of being drawn to someone with no logical reason why (could be a past life issue, a soul mate connection or a person with whom to learn a life lesson)
  8. Stage of Life = what people look for in a mate changes at different stages of life and after significant life experiences (teenager vs. adult vs. senior citizen, after a spiritual/religious awakening, after a heartbreak/divorce, after a near death experience)
When looking at this list you will see that half the items are not in your control.  You cannot control what stage of life a person is at.  If you meet a great guy, but he is not ready to settle down, there isn't much you can do about it.  If someone likes or dislikes that you have green eyes, play chess or are a vegetarian, there isn't much you can do about it (changing these things for another is not reasonable or appropriate). 

You can take control of your style, stability and influence your health in positive ways.  Charm and confidence can be learned.  You can engage in self improvement and change your self esteem, interpersonal skills, lifestyle and values for the better, if need be.

When assessing your attractiveness, it is a mistake to place too much value on your appearance.  The perfect recipe is to spend your time on your appearance, confidence and charm equally, and be - or become - outgoing and stable.

Food for thought.