Divine Dating Diva Blog

Scripting: Questions About Money

posted May 12, 2015, 3:10 PM by Ellen Mahloy   [ updated May 12, 2015, 4:05 PM ]

One of the things I do with every client I date coach is script answers to awkward, bizarre and insulting questions from suitors.  Here are some of my financial scripts:

  • How much money do you make?  
  • How much have you saved... for retirement, emergencies, children, etc.?  
  • How can you afford... so-in-so?  
  • "That's a personal question. (silence)" or "I'm financially stable."
  • If pressed further: "Your questions are making me uncomfortable.  I think finances are an important discussion to have if we wish to make a serious commitment to one another."
  • If pressed even further or suitor become hostile: "I'm going to leave now. Goodbye."
  • Are you financially stable?  
  • If you are, simply say,
    • "Yes, I am."  Do not state your salary or say anything else about your income.
  • If not, say any of the following, but only if they are true: 
    • Low Income, No Debt - "I don't make a high salary, but I don't have any debt and I don't have any sort of spending problem.  I manage money well."
    • Low Income, Debt - "I don't make a high salary and I have some debt to pay which is why I'm doing so-in-so to increase my salary/income."
    • No Income, Debt - "I'm currently unemployed, but I'll have a job soon and I look forward to being back on my feet financially.  I have a career and have been financially stable most of my life and I will be again."  Say nothing about your debt.
    • Indigent with No Plan to Become Financially Stable - "The truth is financial contributions are not my strength.  I bring other things to a relationship that are valuable, like home cooking, running a household and being a stay-at-home-mom."

Hope and Mope

posted Jun 26, 2014, 1:53 PM by Ellen Mahloy   [ updated May 12, 2015, 2:34 PM ]

One of the least effective dating strategies I've observed is what I call the "Hope and Mope Method".  The Hope and Mope Method is when a gal stops acting like a date and starts acting like a girlfriend, hoping a commitment is imminent, and moping when her fella does not declare he has serious feelings for her or request a commitment from her.  

Using the Hope and Mope Method means she exclusively dates her fella even though he hasn't asked her to do so.  It also means she lets him off the hook in terms of taking her on nice dates and doing romantic things, such as, writing love letters, sending her flowers, and other things that indicate he adores her, to win her favor.  In other words, courtship ends and hanging out and hooking up begins.

Trying to move things to the next level by acting like a girlfriend before a suitor has asked for that commitment, comes across as desperate and is highly unattractive.  Her trying to move the relationship to the next level short circuits the dating process and jacks up a man's primal need to woo and win her.  What she doesn't realize is her actions often have the exact opposite affect she is hoping so dearly for.

Most men are wired to - and want to - woo the woman they wish to marry.  Most men will work hard to win over the object of their affection and secure a commitment from her.  If a woman offers a suitor commitment without him wooing her, it communicates she believes herself unworthy of being courted to commitment.

Contemporary courtship means a man respectfully and mindfully plans dates for his intended until he has earned her affection, admiration and trust and the right to request a commitment from her.  Short circuiting this process is to diminish the romance for both parties.  Don't "hope and mope", "court and sort" instead!

Food for thought.

Nervous Date Delimma

posted Apr 21, 2014, 12:54 PM by Ellen Mahloy   [ updated Jun 26, 2014, 8:32 AM ]

Most women faced with a highly nervous date make the best of the situation and never go out with the fella again.  Unfortunately, nervous guy might a really great fella but you wouldn't know it because he was so nervous.  It's hard to get to know a person when they're experiencing high anxiety.  They are simply not the best version of themselves.  They're thinking about their sweaty palms, what to say next, if you like them, what dumb thing they think they just said or did, and so forth. 

When I've been faced with this situation my solution is to immediately cancel whatever plans we had - dinner, movie, dancing, et cetera - and take them straight to a video game arcade.  Most highly nervous guys will perk up quickly when they discover we are going to play video games, even old fashioned ones.  The childish fun of playing arcade games puts my date at ease and changes the dynamic enough to for us to enjoy our time together and get to know one another.  Sometimes, I do not get to know much about my date on arcade game night.  However, the next time we go out he is more at ease and then I can begin to get to know him and determine if we have chemistry. 

Your homework assignment is to determine where your local arcade game, go kart and mini golf businesses are located.  Because luck is when preparedness meets opportunity.  This knowledge may save a date that would otherwise end poorly. 

Food for thought.

10 Best Dating Divas

posted Oct 24, 2013, 12:24 PM by Ellen Mahloy   [ updated Oct 24, 2013, 12:25 PM ]

DatingAdvice.com named me, Ellen Mahloy, one of 10 best dating divas!  I'm flattered and honored!  Thanks DatingAdvice.com!


Radio Show: Asking Out

posted May 10, 2012, 8:01 AM by Ellen Mahloy

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Radio Show: Date Types

posted Apr 19, 2012, 9:23 AM by Ellen Mahloy

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Radio Show: Ideal Mate List

posted Apr 12, 2012, 12:46 PM by Ellen Mahloy   [ updated Apr 12, 2012, 12:47 PM ]

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Radio Show: Dating Over 40

posted Apr 12, 2012, 12:41 PM by Ellen Mahloy

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Radio Show: Hero/Heroine

posted Apr 12, 2012, 12:30 PM by Ellen Mahloy   [ updated Apr 12, 2012, 12:31 PM ]

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Radio Show: Lifestyle

posted Apr 12, 2012, 12:21 PM by Ellen Mahloy

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