Sunday Family Humour 7th June

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour


A very special thank you to all contributors.

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QUOTES FROM THE MILITARY MANUALS

 

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."

- Infantry Journal

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     "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." 

U.S. Air Force Manual

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"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never

encountered automatic weapons.."

- General MacArthur

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"You, you, and you ... Panic.  The rest of you, come with me."

-  U.S.  Marine corps Gunnery Sgt.

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"Tracers work both ways."

-  U.S. Army Ordnance

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"Five second fuses only last three seconds."

- Infantry Journal

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"Any ship can be a minesweeper... Once."

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"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."

- Unknown Marine Recruit

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"If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him."

- USAF Ammo Troop

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"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."

- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

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"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

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"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter --

and therefore, unsafe."

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"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

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"Even with ammunition, the USAF is just another expensive flying club."

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"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... The pilot dies."

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 "Never trade luck for skill."

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The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:

"Why is it doing that?"

"Where are we?"

and

"Oh Shit!"

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"Airspeed, altitude, and brains --

two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."

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"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation;

We never left one up there!"

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"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

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"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."

- Attributed to Max Stanley

-        Northrop test pilot

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"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."

Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

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"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

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"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."

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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks,

"What happened?"

The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"

Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot) 



swine flew 1
swine flew 1




Alsace - France



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Sunday Humour 7th June - Page 2

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