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How to Prepare

Things Not to Bring

1.       $700.00 dollars in a brown paper lunch bag. Chances are it will get lost and RDR MM will not be able to replace it.

2.       Your favorite camera that your dying Grandmother gave you. Chances are it will get lost and RDR MM will not be able to replace it.

3.       Your entire wallet, your checkbook and all your credit cards. Chances are it will get lost and RDR will not be able to replace it.

4.       Your favorite hash items - oh say a bunny rabbit sewn to your cap. Chances are it will get stolen and RDR will not be able to replace it.

5.       Your favorite hash drinking mug. Chances are it will get "borrowed" and various someone's cajones will be inserted and then it will be given back to you and we'll all laugh our a$$es off as you pick pubes out of your teeth for the rest of the night. Plus it may get lost and RDR will not be able to replace it.

6.       Your favorite piece of jewelry such as your ten thousand dollar diamond wedding/engagement ring. This is RDR, everyone knows it's like going on TDY - it just doesnt count against you. However when you are puking your guts out on the toilet or say in the street in front of the bar you have a good chance of losing your necklace, your wallet, your shoes (those thugs know you wont be needing them for the next 5 minutes or so because it is extremely hard to toss your cookies and run at the same time).  It's like pooping and running - it's hard to do both.  However if you are in a cab in Russia and you've been to a 7 mile hash and the Russian McDonalds Burger Royale is not agreeing with you, you can sh*t yourself in a cab just as the Russian Police pull your cabbie over for some unknown violation. Oh yes, friends, that sphincter muscle tightens up and that's where the term "All hell breaks loose" comes from. Russia.  And you can and will run back to your hotel with poop in your pants. Please note that it takes about 20 minutes before that gets extremely uncomfortable.  So consider yourself warned. Please also note: chances are your jewelry will get lost and 
RDR will not be able to replace it.

7.       Your husband/wife/ significant other. They will kiss someone else, grab someone else's backside, stare at some chicks boobs - THEY ALWAYS DO. Yes the wives will stare then they will compare to themselves and then they will blame you for looking.  Why?  We KNOW you're comparing too. For RDR it is ok to "lose" your husband/wife/ significant other. And in this case maybe you dont really want to have them back. Please note RDR certainly will not be able to replace him/her.

8.       Men's underwear. This is RDR. Every red pantie from DC to Dumfries has been purchased. Kmart cannot understand why it has so many packages of XL tighty whities sitting on their shelves and all the XL red thongs are sold out. And I ask you - what does an XL thong cover really?   I look in the mirror and laugh.  I laugh because my a$$ in that thong looks like there was way too much fried dough wrapped in a piece of cinnamon dental floss. It is horrifying and amusing all spilling out into one celluloidal mass.  Even the Pillsburry Dough Boy wont poke it.  We know every single hasher in the city has a new pair of RDR thongs on. Please note we do not need to see your new RDR panties. Nor do we wish to find them in the bathroom. Just because you drank too much when you really should just be getting that beer then pouring it down the toilet because over 1/2 of your RDR time will be wasted peeing that beer out and you decide the act of pulling that thong over to the left so you dont ruin it is just too much trouble. So you take it off instead. Well, RDR MM does not want your thong. And if you take it off, chances are it will get lost and RDR will not be able to replace it.

These are just some items of note.

I am sure there are plenty of others however all you really need to bring is:

  • an ID
  • 1 credit card
  • maybe 40 or 50 in cash
  • and keep these items on your person. Say in your black 600 run bra that MVH3 gave you.   You wont really be able to loosen that bra up enough to put those items in there anyway. So on second thought just tuck 'em in your new RDR thong.

On On

Dual Airbags

I speak loosely when I speak "for" RDR MM. 
I am not part of RDR MM. 
I hope they don't mind that I take a small liberty when I say “we” for RDR MM. 

P.S. Is there anything I forgot to mention?