Never walk without a document : People with documents look hardworking. Those with nothing in their hands look like they're going to the cafeteria.
Carry loads of stuff home with you at night to show that you work longer hours than you really do.
Use computers to look busy : Any time you use a computer, it looks like 'work' to the casual observer.
If your boss catches you doing nothing official on the computer...
your best defense is to claim you're learning a new software to save money.
Messy desk : Build huge piles of documents around your workspace, only top management can get away with a clean desk.
Screen all your calls through voice mail : If somebody leaves a message for pending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there.
Look impatient & annoyed to give the impression that you're always busy.
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out.
Send important e-mails at unearthly hours (i.e. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) & especially during public holidays.
Creative sighing for effect : Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor, etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
Pick out all the jargon & new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses.
This is quite old, but it always causes a stress on your lips while reading ; )
Professor at one of the B-School was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:-
(1) You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing
(2) You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising
(3) You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing
(4) You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations
(5) You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says: You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition
(6) You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say: I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.- That 's Customer Feedback
(7) You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.- That's demand & supply gap
(8) You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market share
(9) You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" &your wife arrives. - (Please send your replies if you can imagine or familier ;- )
Once upon a time in a village a man appeared who announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs.10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys, went out in the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at Rs.10 and as supply started to diminish and villagers started to stop their efforts, he announced that now he would buy at Rs.20 each.
This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs.25 and the supply of monkeys became so less that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it.
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs.50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of the man.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs.35 each and when the man comes back you can sell it to him for Rs.50 each."
The villagers queued up with all their savings to buy the monkeys.
And then ......... villagers never find a man as well as his assistance .. There were only monkeys all around.........
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
A CEO (and member of Forbes 400!) throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"
Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes. The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you."
The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!"