Home‎ > ‎

Life on the other side...

 

August 25th 2012

Wow…2012…

Not having written much of anything in a long long time, I now felt the urge to kind of recap the events so far this year, as I feel another book is ending…and a new one is in the process of beginning….

The first 3 to 4 months of this year were pretty crazy in a way. After my family left at the beginning of January, when their annual Christmas-visit ended, and the following visit of a friend by the end of January also came to an end, February, March and April were almost strenuous. At times there was a feeling of underlying hectic, vaguely stressed, as if there was much to do in very little ‘time’, which of course wasn’t so, as there wasn’t anything that needed doing at all.

(And of course being around old world energies like family and old friends always gets kind of demanding already after a few days. Very interesting to see how in the old world everyone is on a constant time-schedule, and has all kinds of self-obligated duties, things they simply must do. Once put in their mind, there is simply no way out anymore for them. The holy plan must be obeyed at all times. Where I live without any (preconceived) plans or timeframes. Free, flexible and open to anything, totally stress- and pressure free. I remember I always felt kind of trapped and boxed in as a child and beyond, when having to stick to strict plans, systems, time-tables, agendas and schedules. I felt restless and uneasy when having to appear somewhere at that exact time and date, or having to work with deadlines. Having set appointments and daily routines was almost unbearable. I still don’t like working on one same thing for a longer period of time. Although I am a very patient person and know how to hang in there if absolutely necessary).

The energies whirled around so fast it was sometimes hard to keep up. Tired as I was it was quite the challenge to kick myself out the door every day to go for my daily walk…which is very important to me as I live on the 1st floor, thus my feet never even touch the earth if I don’t go downstairs and consciously & deliberately make my body contact the earth via my feet. The human body is earth, water, fire and air as well.

We also had a couple of weeks with Siberian temperatures, which made going outside very unattractive at times. Although I must say the freezing air turned the world into something quite magical, as tiny little ice particles whirled around in the sky all day, glistening in the filtered sunlight. As if someone was constantly sprinkling glitters around. Trees, lanterns and houses became statues of white, covered with heavy snow-ice cake. Like Narnia first time around, thick long icicles hanging everywhere. The snow queen had swung her magic cold wand of pure white icing. It was literally creakingly cold. When walking on the snow, which had frozen to powdery dust, one could feel and hear the crisp underneath ones boots (Glad I had treated myself to some new snow boots right before the frost set in :D). People walked around looking like Inuit, tucked away in podgy layers of clothes. It was as if one visited the moon with astronauts moon-walking around. Nose hairs immediately froze together when stepping outside. Quite funny.

Anyway….sometimes I truly didn’t feel like going outside, for many reasons….but it turned out very unwise not to set foot upon the earth for longer periods of time. I, at times, became ungrounded, which made me way too vulnerable to the whirl of energies that came up for release in the outside old world, and although those aren’t mine, I sure can sense them very strongly at times.

Never the les, this too was part of the divine plan, as I needed to be susceptible to the energies again, so I could feel them and participate in the balancing/neutralising of them. Before, that whole process had already been so far left behind, that nothing could get to me no more, and I still had a task to fulfil in supporting the ones coming up behind. So I needed to get ungrounded, and step back a little, to do some more heavy lifting in support of the whole. I simply walked a few miles back to where the others were, picked them up, pulling the wagon some more.

When grounded, one remains pretty much neutral throughout all that. When ungrounded, those whirl streams will draw you in if you’re unaware of what’s going on. Being grounded through the earth will greatly help you to remain balanced at all times, supported by your own creative and supportive thoughts of course. (One can soothe, support and comfort oneself with loving thoughts, like a mother comforts her child, telling yourself you’re doing well etc.) It gets easier all the time. The more you integrate and get used to trusting and giving yourself loving support, the more internalized and a natural way of being it becomes. Where first balance, neutrality and wholeness is something one has to work hard at to achieve, removing all blocks, transmuting old energies, letting go, learning to trust, embrace and heal oneself, later it is simply a natural way of being you yourself allowed for and created. Nothing throws you off centre anymore. The inner (and later also outer) Masculine and feminine energies harmonized. I will come to that later in this article.

There were earthquakes happening, even in neighbouring areas and, even one in Austria itself, and although most of those are nothing compared to what lands in the ring of fire have to endure, they were enough to almost throw me off balance at times. So I very quickly resumed my daily walks, even if it was just up and down the street.

Sometimes I lay myself down at sundown, lazily on the grass on my back, serenely drifting off wile watching fluffy clouds gently float by. All very grounding & calming stuff. It slows one down.

Whenever I went into the forest, letting the tree family embrace me with their calm strength and peace, it would feel as if someone had given me a shot of morphine. I can’t emphasize enough how much trees can assist in grounding energies into the earth. Ask them for their help in taking whatever needs to be brought into the earth, from you to where it needs to go. Breathe in their serenity while sitting or standing with your back against their stem. See how their crowns reach far up to heaven swaying in the breeze, whispering pleasant dreams and thoughts. Feel how their stems are filled with a strong flowing vibration, like a slow and deep heartbeat coming from deep within the earth, where their roots find nourishment and life. If you allow, you can hear their joyful meditative humming, even in winter when they’re half asleep. Almost an OHMMmmmm. In a way Tolkien wasn’t being silly when he wrote his impression of trees, expressed by the Ents in his Lord of the Rings trilogy. Indeed big old trees have a deeply serene low humming, rumbling, mumbling voice…although many of the youngsters are way higher in tone :) 

(Btw…I saw a program on how scientists have now found a way to translate the chemicals every plant perspires, into sound…. Happy, peaceful plants made a fun blubbering sound…..yet the scream an orchid made when being cut, sounded ferocious, almost like a small child hurting itself, confused and upset. Plants actually scream with stress when being brutally cut…So plants not only respond to the harmonious vibrations of sounds - like classical music for instance - for better growth and health, but also produce their own frequencies. They even communicate amongst one another through their chemical release, also using the soil as a medium for transmitting clicking sounds. Humans would do wise finding a more loving way to treat all living breathing things on this planet, including those without a ‘voice’. It was even suggested to put plants in airports to scan for terrorists. These plants, very logically, pick up human vibrations as well. Slowly but surely humans are discovering. Similar story where an (‘autistic’) woman found out that cows get upset with stress when being led to the slaughter, unless they get to walk in a certain curved pattern which is natural to them and soothing. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temple_Grandin Makes one wonder which is more ‘abnormal’…’regular’ human beings or so called ‘autists’…no? These autistic children show up on this planet with their information they hold in other realms when this planet has reached a certain vibration.  The children are already here but they have not shared the information yet.  Education, science, everything will change because they are here.)

Okay…where was I? :) Like plants, humans (especially the human body/DNA) also respond to vibration. We can for ourselves create a pleasant peaceful vibration, yet as the old outside world is experiencing, humans can also create distorted unbalanced vibrations which throw their whole world of systems off, into a mess of anxiety, distrust and violence.

Because of the accomplishments of a handful of light bearers worldwide, who arduously, and through offering up their bodies and lives, transmuted and replaced the old energies of fear & separation, which had been stored in the earth for eons, with energies of wholeness and love, now the pus of ages is being pushed out. Since the dark blueprint was/is being replaced by one of light, now the dark is getting less and less space to exist in. And since it has no where else to go, no where left to hide, it comes up for all to be seen and released. It happens within each individual, as also on a global scale. As within, so without.

Fathers and mothers are killing off their offspring after which they lay hand on themselves, corruption & fraud scandals, and hidden stories of severe abuse are surfacing, age-old conflicts are being fought out, seemingly senseless aggressions and horrors are being acted out, diseases are breaking out and violent erratic weather patterns are also a clear sign of the earths’ big cleanse. Too much to mention really.

On the other hand many stories of togetherness, compassion and love are also being written; of course one hears much less about those as the old human is still very much a slave to drama.

I would just love it if someone somewhere started a ‘good-news-radio’ where only joyful news and uplifting music would be played. Like the message I heard yesterday for instance, about 2 Dutch boys, brothers of 15 and 13 years old, who were both born highly gifted, yet also dyslectic.

(All light-bearers know, as one enters the realms of multi-dimensionality and higher wisdom, we all become dyslectic in a way, letters and words get all juggled up, as things no longer just have one direction/way, but multiple. In the multi-dimensional realms there is no ‘right’ order of things, there is no first or last. Past, present and future are in fact one and the same. Things are circular. The beginning = also the end. All worlds/dimensions exist inside one and the same space, not bigger than the fraction of a pinpoint so to speak. Like parallel universes. The only thing ‘separating’ one world from another is frequency/vibration. Distance and space are just another illusion. So it becomes quite challenging to get words and letters into the ‘right’ order, as they all want to be read and written at the same time, in the one same moment. As time is also non- existing, and is in fact merely a man made invention. Thus letters and words can fly all over the place, and spelling becomes an unnecessary and quite ridiculous nuisance)

These 2 brothers were not accepted at any schools, as no school wanted to deal with their ‘disability’. So the court gave them permission to sail around the world, in order to make people aware of this situation, and with it, of course, the situation of many other new kids like them worldwide. The world needs to deal with the reforms necessary to support these kids. The world is changing, and the new generation needs different ways of handling things (incl. the so labelled ‘ADD’ and ‘autistic’ kids), and so, these 2 boys are serving big-time to bring about awareness and change. Here’s to you kids! :D

No matter what it may seem like, chaotic and all, everything is in perfect divine order, as always. Aggressors are offering the earth and its humans an opportunity for love and unity by creating huge shocking contrast and separation. This is in fact, behind the scenes, is an act of deep love.

(Like the so called ‘slayer of Utoya’ in Norway…he killed 77…he too is a so labelled ‘indigo’...one here to bring about change, a catalyst. With him many young people who start shooting around, for no apparent reason, in schools and such…The ‘victims’ as well as their ‘attacker’ leave behind some necessary messages, although those may take time to understand for many. They however harbour a great gift inside, most humans will only later come to discover. The earth and its humans are slowly but surely cleansing, ridding themselves of all the ancient goo. This is the last and decisive big ‘battle’)

Change is brought about in many ways, and on a myriad of levels. Nothing is ever what it seems. The one certain thing in all of creation is constant change. There is no point in holding onto anything, as it will all, in ‘time,’ inevitably change.

So….after a kind of unexpected, yet self-sought (and also partially sexual) experience with a guy (or actually 2), I met online (long story), I was once again confirmed in my heart that there is only one man for me. I simply felt a deep desire to make LOVE. It was the sheer & genuine craving to be held, for physical closeness to masculinity, and also the natural and unfulfilled sexual need, which simply happens when one spends 5 years in solitude, that brought me to this experience, and it served me well (With much gratitude to the lovely young Italian who very patiently wrote me for 3 months, and after that drove hours just to make this mutually desired experience together possible).

This experience with physical masculine energy clarified many things for me and somehow helped me break through to the other side.

Aside from the allowed experience with the guy, I also decided to cash in on an old insurance policy that I had running since way before ascension struck, and shamelessly used that money to spoil myself rotten. I pampered myself by finally buying some much needed clothes, and a complete studio equipment for my drawing (expressing myself by drawing, painting and being creative, like even sewing and decorating textiles, greatly distract(ed) and help(ed) me stay clear of all imbalance, keeping me aligned). I also treated myself to some new books, DVD’s, and basically everything I had ‘not been able’ to afford wile being in ascension boot camp for years. I also bought myself a new washing machine, the old one had broken down years ago, and ever since my landlady lovingly took care of my laundry…But there’s simply nothing like doing ones’ own laundry the way one likes it for oneself…I still enjoy the smell of fresh sheets hanging around the house, I missed that! I also paid off everything I owed in rent and red numbers at the bank (which actually wasn’t all that much). I did not hold on to any of the money, no saving or anything, I simply spent it all! And boy, it was fun!

Although I must say I appreciate manifesting stuff out of the blue more than buying stuff…as then there is always some kind of magical story attached to it, of how it all magically came about, into being. God holds no judgement on whatever brings us joy, whether its buying or manifesting, it’s all the same. Thus we get to enjoy the best and most fun of all worlds, honouring all expressions of the truth, whichever we enjoy most at any given moment. We have the free choice. Sometimes it will be buying, and other times it will be manifesting. Manifesting money for buying is also a fun thing :D. There is no judgement on anything. We can honour, utilize and enjoy all expressions of the truth, without pre-judice.

Being detached from the material, neutral to outside energies, neutralising whatever comes into our space, makes anything possible.

Since then, manifesting has been occurring at record speed. Things are on a roll! Money is coming in from unexpected sources (I even sold one of my drawings). Giving to myself like that, without hesitation, holding back, fear or judgment, broke me through to the other side. Things started naturally flowing. The universe got the message loud and clear: Receiving and enjoying is the game, let’s play! Nothing is dead in the water anymore and I think this time it’s not just a glitch. The first 4 months of 2012 seemed like one long (very) narrow passage, squeezing through, doorway to doorway, where no heavy, dense and unsuitable backpack fitted through, with barely enough room to breathe, nor catch my breath in between, having to be aware at all times to constantly and consciously keep my balance, like an equilibrist on a rope. Door after door slammed shut behind me, with a loud echoing BANG!

Early May things were slowly changing. Whatever luggage I may still have carried before 2012 began, now, coming out at the other end of the 1st quarter, I had left it all behind. It was all mostly physical, not emotional, as my mental and spiritual state of being was very strong and steadfast all the way through. This, of course, doesn’t mean I didn’t shed the occasional weary tear or two.

My Italian one-time lover was being held back from coming over until the beginning of June, then all of a sudden things started happening, after me spending all that money on myself, for my own enjoyment. First he was held back through work, then he injured himself, the signs were all red. Then first week of June he dropped by and I was immediately freed of my cravings for male company.

End of June my parents quite unexpectedly decided to come to Austria en pay me a visit. It was a beautiful week with many insights which brought about tears of relief and gratitude. The bickering my parents usually do (and have done for 50 years) showed me so very clearly how they were the very embodiment of duality and the gap of separation between masculine and feminine energies, which had brought about the same splitting up of energies inside of me since childhood, from about age 8, not before.

I clearly saw the deep love behind that. They had, as my parents, brought about in me the energies I later needed to reconcile and bring back into balance again, into ONE whole. Without my parents, and all they are together (or rather appear to be), and all they made me experience throughout my life before coming to Austria, I would have never ever come this far. Not only did they help bring about the gap inside me, they also made me survive until the time I was ready to release it, and dive into ascension. I can’t even recall the times where my mom brought me back from the dead, and my dad tolerated me back into his home, under his roof, even though he had a very hard time dealing with all my incomprehensible issues, I reeked havoc onto his world.

My parents were the very outside expression of the inside friction of energies. Now that I had healed those inside of me, closed that gap, I felt such gratitude towards them. It was so perfect for them to be here at that moment, spending time together, showing me how incredibly far I had come. How harmonized I had become....And it was now simply FUN spending time with them, as I knew there was nothing left to sort out, and no comments they had about my physical appearance eating habits, ways of behaving and such, ever touched ground with me, or triggered anything in me anymore…There was no more old hurt, no nothing, just total neutrality, love and the simple enjoyment of their company, leaving things where they belonged. Yet again the outside reality reflected back at me who I now am. My folks kind of stopped bickering and were peaceful together as ever. It was a great week! (Including an intense experience where we were caught in a severe storm wile driving around, and god, at the perfect time, showed us a bridge to take shelter under as the world outside disappeared, being whipped with violent gushes of wind and hail. Many people sought refuge underneath that same bridge. It was, in a way, quite cosy)

Since living in my apartment here in Austria, I had an upstairs neighbour who was/is a very bitter man. His (of course self-created) experiences of life were such that he did not think much of this world. He was a chain smoker and always in a bad mood, when I first moved in he treated me almost friendly, yet always ranting on about all his frustrations, which I thought quite boring and exhausting at times (as in those days I was still trying to be nice and understanding, now I know I am under no obligation whatsoever to deal with people like that in any way :D).

There was no getting away from him, as his balcony overlooked mine, and he had no clue about respecting ones privacy. Then came a time where I at some point had my music playing too loud and so that was that, I was out! ;)

The reason I tell you all this is because that man was the embodiment of the bitterness I held inside from a life of hardship, it was only a very small piece of me, but it was there never the less, and he was my reminder of that. As within, so without…and so he reflected all the anger and unfinished/unprocessed energies I still held within.

After my trespassing music, he never warmed up to me again.

Early spring this year of 2012, a lovely, sunny, warm day, I was sitting on my balcony…and there he was again, very intrudingly staring at me while mumbling unkind remarks (He called me ‘the cow’, referring to my big and beautiful ascension-light filled bottom and belly). I had not yet brought out my parasol, which I usually placed in such a way it prohibited any piercing, disrespectful looks. Not being triggered by ‘insults’ anymore, I still don’t enjoy having energies like that in my space…I simply had enough…I was ready to say goodbye to that….So I asked God in that very moment, to lovingly send us the best possible solution for all parties involved, either he moved out, or I.

A few weeks later I found out he was moving away, just like that. His health was deteriorating (which of course came as no surprise), and because of that he was moving in with his girlfriend, who was going to take care of him. Within just a couple of weeks he was gone! Officially he moved out on the 1st of June, but he was gone already by mid May. Just like that!

He had lived here for 10 years, and never spoke very highly of women and relationships, so he moving in with his girlfriend was nothing short of a miracle. No one had ever believed anything like that could happen, no one thought he would ever move, at all! (Except for me of course ;)).

First time after his departure I sat on my balcony, in the full awareness he was never again going to come out and energetically spit fire in my direction again, felt like such a relief. I never really noticed he had been such a bother to me until after he was gone. I had gotten used to kind of blending him out.

Also…my light, through the years, had become so blindingly bright, he could no longer stand it. So that was another reason he had to go. Things are never just one way, but always multi-dimensional, with more sides to them than just one. It felt so free and clear all of a sudden…and it still is, as no other tenant moved in there yet. Lovely and peaceful it is!

Then…my sister invited me to come stay with her in Belgium for a week second week of August. She has a lovely swimming pool so….sure was no punishment :D At first I didn’t really feel like going, as I went over there every summer during the last couple of years, and in the end it’s always the same…Old energies constantly take everything I say the ‘wrong’ way, as they simply look at the world and humanity through all kinds of filters. The experiences they had colour their vision.

Although I love my family, I know after a couple of days it gets annoying not being able to be truly heard. I have to descent back into their world, speaking their language, in order to have some kind of conversation. Communicating in all honesty is almost impossible, as they are still run by ego, judgment, pain and mostly fear. Not that that stops me though. I am still my own open and honest self, regardless.

And so…well…Either I don’t speak at all (which would be kind of weird when on holiday and being spoken to), or I joke around all the time making everyone laugh, which immediately raises the vibe into something pleasant, or….I simply just let me be all of me in full knowledge and awareness they will not be able to truly understand, which, after a few days, becomes not-fun and gets me lightly frustrated and slightly inflammable….I never ever try to convince anyone of anything. There is simply no point. My views on life and reality I keep to myself. I am no evangelist.

A week is definitely the maximum amount of ‘time’ I am able to spend in the Middle Ages. A higher vibrating being can only descend into a lower vibrating reality for a short amount of time…..it’s physics :D

While at my sis’ place I treated myself to 2 massages, which I had wanted for years, yet never manifested before as it would have been counterproductive to my process. After the 1st massage, the next day, I was even dizzier than I had already been before, and developed a huge headache and fatigue; I actually had to go lie down and sleep for a couple of hours. So it definitely served its purpose. The second massage didn’t bring out much, other than relaxation.

After 5 days I started having enough already…In that time, the day before flying back home, I had been called a racist for making a joke about a hot sexy black guy holding a fan to keep away the flies from our barbequed shrimps, and other similar cute old-worldly stuff. People take everything (life) so seriously, have very long toes, easily stepped on, not seeing the humour in anything anywhere. Talk and talk about the ‘problems’ in the world, dis-eases, and more of that boring stuff.

People run by separation energies are constantly chopping off heads, and they truly think that’s ‘normal’. Where they are, of course, it is. So, it honestly feels like visiting the middle ages, where people had very primitive ideas and chopped off any heads that thought and/or did differently than what they deemed acceptable. Narrow minded, limited. It was also kind of hilarious at the same time.

At some point we were sitting at the table with some far relative of mine, in her early twenties, totally opinionated and judge-mental, of course considering herself very wise and well-informed, socially aware, politically engaged and all, it was so cute. At first I was kind of lightly shocked and angry. Not having been in the vicinity of such strong & harsh separation-energies for such a long time, I kind of forgot what that was like, and being so very done with them. All she did the whole the time, and people went quiet just to let her speak, was chop off one head after another, it simply made me crack up after bit….

So after she left, they were talking about what a nice girl she was (and indeed she was, with a long life of much wisdom to be gained ahead of her), and so I said laughing: “and with very clear opinions about everything!”….

So, to me, that was simply a neutral statement about what I had observed. It was no attack, I felt no personal involvement or whatever, I did not feel anything she had said had anything to do with me, it was not intended to be criticism nor insult, it had not brought about any pain on personal response in me or anything, it was simply a neutral observation which  I thus expressed. Nothing anyone else says or does has any implication on another. It merely shows who they are, not who you are, so why take it personal?

But that is just simply how it is these days, I make neutral observations, as the world out there has very little to do with me and who I am, and so I am very lovingly detached and respectful toward people and their free choice of creating whatever experience they choose.

Of course my table companions were under the impression, seeing the world through their fogged up glasses & clogged up, muddy filters, I was attacking and criticizing (what else would they think, living in the closed-off, bricked up, cemented in, programmed world they are), and perceived my remark as something that immediately needed response. Like hens in a henhouse they re-acted and jumped over each other in defence of the poor thing (whose mom, my cousin, died from leukaemia some years ago), to tell me the girl was still very young and it was only natural for her to be that way…Which of course, goes without saying. Many youngsters are silly and stupid, it’s just a phase, all part of life :D And many remain silly and stupid for the rest of their lives on planet earth and it’s all good. Her mom passing away was in fact a great gift to her, and the rest of their family…

Anyhow…Things were never received in the spirit in which they were offered. Different worlds, different languages. No matter what you say, purely expressed from your own neutral view, without any attached emotional load, with no hidden agenda or intention for causing hurt, retaliation or anything, having nothing to do with anyone but you, they will still always draw it onto themselves, as if what you said was a message in their direction. This is not your doing, but theirs.

(So there’s no need whatsoever to hit yourself over the head or anything like that, just forgive them. And any emotions or frustration you may experience after a while, from being constantly misinterpreted, are only normal. No need to hold onto them, just let them go and pass straight through. Your emotions are merely signalling you what’s going on. No need to dive into them and let them drag you off to god knows where)

Just try it sometime, tell a story of something purely about you, and see where they immediately draw the comparison to themselves. When for instance you say you love cereal, they will say something about how much THEY do or don’t like it. When you have a headache, they will tell you how much THEY always, or never, suffer from headaches. The old world can never observe something anyone else says as a simple expression of who the other is being, they never truly simply LISTEN, but always make an interrelation, drawing it onto THEM. The ego filters it all, so everything suddenly becomes about them.

So no one could ever hear me, and shouting would not have had any influence, it makes no difference whatsoever. What was being heard was never what was actually being said.

And in telling you these things I am not expressing any judgment either, I am merely sharing a neutral observation of how energies in the old world work. It as no influence whatsoever on the love I hold for all humans, as they are god as well. They are me…and I love and embrace all of me.

Reality is how one perceives it to be. Ego-pain-bodies got in the way constantly, always hearing critique that never was, and of course reacting right away, without any restraint or thought. After a while, it becomes quite the drag. J

In this case feelings of superficial frustration are only natural…as you feel people not at all hearing you, and you’re residing in an alternate reality (which of course is true), a parallel universe, where you can’t really be seen….as if they see and talk straight passed you….like a ghost…The old world thinks it notices and knows you….but in fact doesn’t have a clue about you….totally clueless…

Visiting the old world feels primitive, or like watching a play, something acted, staged and surreal, or better unreal. It feels very far away. One goes like ‘wow, is that really how they view things? Unreal, far out!’ I experienced many emotions: sometimes slight shock, all encompassing love, a lot of humour, detached respect, slight disappointment, anger and frustration, and also deep compassion. It was interesting…and useful.

The most interesting thing was noticing how enormously & totally detached I have become. I may sense all these here above mentioned emotions, but they all remain very superficial, none of them reaches deep or calls before any old pain or anything. Nothing is triggered anymore. I can’t even go into any drama if I wanted to, as it all simply evaporates, like clouds of mist on the breeze. The divine wind simply dissolves it all into dust and blows it away instantaneously.

Neutrality is now a mainstay. Criticism fired my way simply glides off me, melts away like ice in the sun or butter in a hot pan; it did not get to me at all, nothing sticks to me anymore. I mostly didn’t even notice it, and when I did, I just neutrally observed it. As if it had nothing to do with me, which, of course, is totally true. All blocks have been removed, nothing stays stuck or gets stored into my body and system, nor does it bring out anything anymore, as there isn’t anything there anymore that (cor)responds to dark & inharmonious energies. I have become an open channel, where all energies simply glide right through, without leaving a trace.

That includes ascension energies, there are still high frequencies coming in, and I receive them and bring them into the earth, and they still cause me physical discomfort at times, sometimes more intense, sometimes only mildly, but they no longer cause emotional fall outs. There are no more contrasting blocks in the way of the immense high frequencies of love coming in, so I receive them without much trouble other than physical. Physicality is always last to adjust.

It was very interesting to experience again how in the old world everyone tries to bend others to their will, when feeling threatened and such. And how far I myself had come in detaching from all that.

Of course there are things that go without saying. When being in other peoples’ personal space, like their home, one simply maintains a healthy respect for what they do and do not appreciate there. To an extent, and within reason, one simply adjusts to the boundaries they uphold. 

Like for instance, at my sister’s house we all swim naked, no big deal, much more pleasant than having to worm your way into a bathing suit. Of course, me being big and beautiful, I had already, all by myself, come to the conclusion I didn’t want to swim naked when the kids’ friends were around, as it simply seemed inappropriate to do so around kids who were brought up in a different, maybe much less liberal way. I respect that…and before ya know it they charge you with child abuse anyway so….I have a healthy respect for other peoples’ space :D

Frankly, I wasn’t sure whether those young boys, of 10-12 years old, wouldn’t go straight into catatonic shock if the very first naked woman’s body they ever laid eyes on, was mine. Too much of a good thing ya know ;) So I never did that, and if I wanted to take a swim, I simply asked the kids, if there were any around, whether it was okay and if they were done swimming and please could go play somewhere else.

By the end of the week, and I am sure everyone had just about as much enough of me as I did them, my brother-in-law found it necessary to point out to me, after I expressed I was going for another swim, that it was not allowed to swim around naked when kids were around…I had not noticed any kids being there at that moment, but of course, he was absolutely right, and he also knew I never did that, as to me it spoke for itself.

It was simply a situation wherein he had felt increasingly not in control of his environment all week, which I can totally understand when having me around :D Many people after a while, or right away simply feel uncomfortable around me, as I am quite unconventional. I fall outside of what they’re used to, which is known and safe. My energy makes them feel uncertain & uneasy at times, after I cruised around in their space for a while. Especially my brother-in-law who likes things as they are, and nothing changing much or cruising straight through, as it upsets his world. He simply likes his routine. (Him and my sis are in fact a perfect fit, as my sis can be a bit of a stampede at times, he keeps her bridled and grounded, where she helps him to step outside his safety zones and programs (his daily profession is actually 'computer-nerd'), so...they balance each other...A match made in heaven :D)

Just like me and the old world, he (and the old world in general) can only stand to have me around for so long. Of course, he will never admit to this as he is unaware this is in fact what he is doing, but after spending a week with me he felt the need to simply piss in every corner, thus marking off his territory. Ha ha ha!

People who are feeling uncomfortable, unsettled and fearful (although of course they cannot see it is actually fear that drives them, all they know is they feel challenged on some level) will start behaving/reacting like that, making it very clear to you who is boss, attempting to bend you (their surroundings in general) to their will. Thus they attempt to place you in their box, draw all kinds of lines in the sand you’re not supposed to cross. Putting up barb wired fences and borders. Trying to limit and prevent you from entering their space too much, as they feel disrupted…

They simply feel invaded…Which in a way is true, as strong light energy, such as my own, definitely permeates everything after only a short while. It seeps straight through, filling each crack, every dark corner, and will penetrate even beyond that, into the deepest depths of the darkest abyss it will find its way…And there’s nothing I need to do or say to make that happen, but be present in the same space. So to them, it’s important to gain some sort of control over you, as stuff that knows its place, and behaves accordingly, is never a threat. All very understandable.

My sister did the same thing after only a few days of my company. An example, it was soooo funny: She kept telling me what towels to use, it was hilarious. I always hung up my used towel at the back of the towel rack, the very last bar, so I would know which one was mine. Yet my towels seemed to always magically disappear, so then I took another one. Obviously I was the only one that put her towel on the rack to dry after showering. Everyone else, I think, threw them straight in the laundry bin. So everyone expected there to be only one towel on the rack, being the one they all, as a family, used to dry off their hands and such, which is their routine.

Kids are always a bit sloppy, and so after use, they simply threw the towel over the rack from afar, after which my sis later came in and hung it up neatly….So, the kids, seeing only one towel on the rack, being mine, simply took it each time and after use tossed it onto the rack, after which my sis, again, came in and hung it on the first bar of the rack, thinking it was their family towel. I had no issue with that, I didn’t mind them using my towel :D….Yet my sis kept shuffling around the towels, annoyed she never knew which one belonged to whom, and I had no clue anymore either, as the towel I thought was mine either magically disappeared, or was hung elsewhere on the rack than where I had put it, so I didn’t know it was in fact mine, hahaha!

After a while it had gotten just too much for my sis to handle, and she told me off. It was obviously a very big deal to her. I responded: “I don’t mind other people using my towel”…Yet what she meant was that SHE minded, as she found it quite unhygienic to dry off her hands on a towel I had used. Ha ha ha!

Shows just how different perspectives can be, and how hard it can be for people to let go of their routine, when someone, they’re not used to having around, is visiting their space. So the system ´intruder´ needs to be held within limits, and be made very clear.

No big deal. I came prepared. By now I know the drill and how energy works, so nothing throws me off anymore. People can scream at me and tell me off, it won’t do much. Sometimes it is slightly disappointing, as they make such a huge deal out of everything, and, as mentioned before, can’t relate.

Another anecdote to describe the world of difference in perspective: One time my sis and I were driving someplace, and there was a absolutely stunningly gorgeous sunset going on. The sky was flaming with radiant colours. We were driving right by a lovely, almost idyllic huge pond-like place with lots of trees and greenery, the colours were reflected so beautifully in the still water, like a mirror. So I asked my sis to pull over the car to could enjoy the moment. Instead my sis said she knew a much better place to enjoy the view and raced off, leaving the sunset behind us only to be seen in the rear-view mirror. Knowing how short sunsets last, but mere minutes, I was sitting backwards in my seat so I could still be a spectator to it. My sis was so busy racing to her favourite place, so busy chasing her idea of the perfect scenery that she completely missed out on the perfection of place and moment, right there and then.

Old world ignorance and harshness is sometimes startling, or even raises (deep) anger in you. These are simply signs your system is giving you to let you know you have evolved beyond all this, it has been dealt with already, you removed, transmuted and integrated it, you’re done, thus are feeling no desire whatsoever to get dragged back into all that. You no longer belong with those energies. It now no longer is your world. Sometimes you will feel like you just want to LEAVE right away. You system makes it known to you that it will no longer accept those old programs, nor abide by them.

Your emotions are like siren, a flash light, a directory of what’s going on. Even Jesus threw a little anger tantrum every once in a while, remember the temple? This anger will also subside in ‘time’…as you become more and more settled in your detachment. Anchoring ever deeper into your neutrality…until you can be moved no more. You have then reached a state of self-security, -awareness and – confidence. You have established unwavering trust in the divine Self.

What was also interesting to see was how all those energies were working in on each other, how families seek their way, living underneath one roof with different personalities, demands, views expectations, wants and needs.

My niece, 13 years of ´age´ already, bought herself a laptop from her savings some time ago. She would, deep in her heart, much rather have no one else ever touching it. But since she is raised by a mom who is convinced, in the old spiritual sense, that everyone has to share everything with everyone, she is going along with that whole routine, as she is being programmed and impregnated to do. It is not as if she truly has much choice in that respect. Keeping stuff just for you is simply a no go in that family.

My sis has very unusually pleasant and friendly, social kids (and this is not just me speaking as the auntie who loves them to bits). They are very easy going and rarely have a fall out. Yet when someone has used her laptop and made some strange alterations or errors on it, my niece is not at all amused. And that is totally understandable. So they had a family discussion on how to handle that situation…

Basically, when people simply respect other peoples’ space, and simply lay off of others’ stuff, situations such as these would never occur. But when forcing kids to share, which is not truly and deeply their choice of heart to do, problems arise. My sis, who felt under fire as she had been the one messing up the laptop, got ever more excited, and raised her voice louder and louder, higher and higher in defence of her actions, (she can have a really piercing voice, when not in yoga-mode), it echoed through the kitchen.

My brother-in-law said that if laptops were not intended to be used by others, they would simply have to be cleared away in the closet, when not in use, so no one would get seduced into using them. After which my sis stated that even when in the closet, she had the right to take it out, as it was her house and no material stuff was holy, but to be shared (very old school spiritual, also very much BS). She, totally unaware of it, busily defending herself, completely waltzed over my cousins’ space and feelings. As if her opinion and point of view was the only true and acceptable one. She tried to get her point across loud and clear, attempting to force her opinion, way of being and idea of what was normal onto others.

Right in that moment I so recognized my sis from when we were kids. She always used to waltz right over me like that as well, often manipulating for things to go her way, often impertinently blackmailing me. It used to drive me bonkers! :D

(It was good to notice her behaviour not bringing anything out in me anymore. I know she is now in her 'spiritual phase' and is in fact inspired, intrigued by and full of admiration of me, her 'little' sis...Yet that also drives her spiritual ego off the wall at times. Maybe you will recognize the following: My sister keeps on drawing comparisons between her and me. When I state something, she needs to express how SHE sees it, without ever simply listening, taking it in, leaving it where it belongs. She actually also tries to steer her 'spiritual development' by my image, as if attempting to compete. Trying to prove she's at least as wise, intelligent and spiritual and highly developped as her 'little' sis is. She uses pieces of text and themes from my e-mails to her, my stories, in her yoga practice, of course giving it a totally different twist than what I had originally intended/meant by them. (In the beginning it frustrated me seeing my words ripped out of context and intended meaning that way, now I see the purpose behind it. It does not matter what mold one pours the words and intent in, they will reach the necessary effect anyway. The divine/God may use me anyway he/she sees fit). Yet I deeply frustrate her at the same time because on some level she senses that what I am and how I live is still way outside of her grasp. She wants it too, feeling almost intimidated by it, feeling 'lesser than'. So, as she has always learned by the old world dogma, she makes her spirituality into an 'achievement', a striving and competition, where development has to be obtained, and one way has to be 'better' than another. Sometimes, like a small child, she attempts to get some sort of response/reaction from me, judging certain things I say or do by her own standarts, accusing me of ego-expressions, expressing how neutral and far ahead she is in comparison to me, saying stuff like:  "well, if your so god-trusting then why blahdiblahdiblah, yadayadayada", like waiting for me to bite the bait. Cute. But there is simply nothing to discuss, no explanations I give would ever be heard or seen for what they truly are. This prohibits us from truly being able to communicate and connect. Sometimes it's tiring and I just sigh....There is just no way people can simply view your sentiments as your sentiments, their ego-painbody immediately runs of with them...as if anything you express has anything to do with THEM, at all....There is just no way to truly communicate with people who are still run by ego...Sometimes I find it cute and quite hilarious. Mostly I just sigh. My sisters' 'spiritual' ego stands between us, creating distance and separation, so she can't really hear or see me. But I know it all serves a purpose, it is all according to divine intent and plan, I look at it detached, from a distance...She isn't my 'sister' without reason.....So I usually just keep our relationship based on cuddles :D, it's the closest I can get to her, and my other 'family')...The difference being: I am not, nor was I ever 'spiritual'. I never 'practiced' spirituality. I AM SPIRIT. There is a difference. Similar thing also happened with my other sis (I have 3 older sisters), who was with me when I met my 'Twin', was part of the beginning, and she and I needed to separate, as I needed to go ahead, and her task being a different one where she needed to stay 'behind'. I saw her this summer for the 1st time in about 3 years...she was still where I had 'left' her....Others will not be able to grasp where I (or we) am (are) coming from for a very very long time to come....it simply does not reflect their own expriences, so they easily reject. (Like the 'twin-story', many will not at all resonate with that, and therefore reject it, as if since they haven't experienced it, it surely cannot be). Which is fine, the general population/collective is simply not there yet, and are being right where they need to be. Simple love goes a long way...and eternal way actually..)

Anyway, my brother-in-law stated that to is opinion, my niece, since she had bought the laptop with her own money, had a right to decide what she would and would not allow.

And that is the respectful way. One does not need to be in agreement on anything, but simply respect it when someone draws a line, and lay off. Respect other peoples´ way of being, even if it is totally different from your own. It is not your place to decide. Your way is not the standard for anyone else; you do not determine the criteria others should go by.

That, of course, also goes for your kids. You can make them aware of different expressions and point of views, yet you can never mould them to fit your image. They are born with a whole package of unique properties, all you can do is guide them, and support them to where they want to go. And if they do not wish to share anything, they don’t need to. You would be surprised how much kids are willing to give and share, when not being forced to do so. Especially new energy kids, they will not be told what to do, it is counterproductive. One simply has to provide them with certain options and choices, so they feel they have some say in what goes on with their lives. They are very much sovereign beings as well.

I too make the boundaries very clear when my landladies’ kids come over to draw and paint at my place. I have pencils, brushes, paper and paints especially for them to use, they cannot use mine. They can beg and whine all they want, I never give in, nor do I ever engage in responding to their frustration. I don’t reflect anger with anger, never loose my temper, raise my voice, or feel any discomfort in any way. I have no guilt, pity or shame there either, none whatsoever. They simply have to respect my space, and deal with the line a draw.

I must say my sis and her hubby do an amazing job with their kids, totally respecting who they are, and giving them choice…Just every now and then my sis totally falls back into an old pattern when feeling ‘mobbed’…Her ego kind of overtakes, and over-screams her other side in that moment, forgetting all her nice spiritual theories :)

'Family' isn't any more significant or meaningful to me than anyone else. I don't love people any more or less just because they are so called 'family members'...To me humans are all the same, not one more or less significant or meaningful than another....

My sister also takes care of my art work. She hangs it up in the coffee-room of her yoga-practice, and is even arranging for them to be exhibited someplace. She has even sold one already. I leave all that to her, she can market them anyway she pleases, or not. After the creative process, the finished drawing isn’t that important to me anymore. I don’t hold onto my creations, but let them go to wherever it is they need to go. To me it’s about creating, not the result, and definitely not the money that may of may not come in because of it. So I do not pay attention to what may or may not be commercial. Nor do I have deadlines or push myself into making ‘production’. Some days I feel like drawing, other days I feel like writing or reading a book, or nothing at all, it’s all the same to me.

I have no interest in what images the outside world might like, expects or would be interested in buying, I don’t adjust or live up to outside pressure or expectations, I simply draw whatever images come into my head, strictly keeping to what I like and enjoy. Never would I even consider to do contract work, assignments or requests, as what other people want, has absolutely nothing to do with me, whatsoever…I draw from the heart, not the head.

Thus I brought some new work of mine with me on the plane, so my sis could do her thing with it. If I were to keep them, hanging onto them, all that would happen is my drawings would sit there, tucked away inside a folder, with no one ever getting to enjoy them (which is why I asked my sis to maybe hang them on the big walls of her yoga studio :))

One day my sis started saying things like “yeah well, that piece I think is not that easily sold, those ones over there are much easier to sell, much more sought after, and that one I think people would only buy to hang up in maybe a babies’ or kids’ room, so it can never bring in that much money”…

I went silent for a moment…as she obviously wasn’t aware that when one so strongly defines and determines what something is, labelling it, boxing and cementing it in, it can never be(come) anything else anymore.

Humans are still unaware that no one but they themselves define and decide their reality. Not some wrathful invisible god-power, and certainly not their fellow humans, but THEM!

Everything around you is an expression of YOU. The same one God that lives inside of you, also lives inside of every other human being (and in a different capacity also in every plant, stone and animal). They are YOU…and they reflect merely who you are being. Your reality is a mirror to you. Love you, and the world will love you right back.

Everything that is now going on with planet earth is to serve humans to break out of their self-designed and -created prisons. To free them, old limiting systems are being overthrown. Humans have locked themselves in for eons. Humans as they are now functioning in the old mainstream world, have limiting, blocking thoughts. All they see are problems, separations and so on. When placing a certain judgement on a situation, person or object, then that is exactly what it becomes. It is no longer free to be anything else, as YOU decided it is this or that.

So when my sis determines that a piece of my artwork is such and such, then there you go. That way she has put an energetic tag on it, a label glued on. The divine respects and upholds each label humans determine. And so what happens is, the piece of art will bring exactly that which the human mind has decided it to be. I don’t mind, as I detach from my work after it is created, and the commercial business part is my sis’ department. I gave her carte blanche as it is simply not my cup of tea, I don’t much enjoy that bit, and she happens to be very good at that sort of thing. So I completely trust her, and leave it all in her hands.

As I, one evening, tried to explain to her what she was doing, putting energetic stickers on everything, she got snappy and clearly didn’t want to hear it, so I respect that and never mentioned it again. But it is very clear: when you ask a certain amount of money for a painting, but in your mind you don’t THINK it is actually worth that much, or people will not be willing to pay that amount…then it will never ever bring in what you asked for, as your outside expression is not synchronised with your inside energy. You are blocking anything else from coming in, standing in your own way of receiving.

A week or so ago I had a long talk with the butchers’ wife whose store is right behind my building. She is 73 years of ‘age’, and was talking about how she was in constant physical pain and discomfort, and how the work was getting too much for her. In Austria it’s pretty normal to work their butts off until the day they die. So although the butchers’ wife, whose husband currently has lung cancer, is actually officially retired, she still works very hard ever day in support of her son, who obviously is a great butcher, but has no nose for business whatsoever.

Times are tough in the old world, economically speaking. She and her husband built up that business from scratch, and she feels obligated to ensure its survival. They already started a party-service as well, as without doing extra stuff the store cannot survive. Frantically they try to hold on, desperately trying to keep all the balls up in the air. She sure could quit and enjoy her peace and free time, yet she feels an obligation. He sure could quit as well, as working this hard, and carrying such enormous responsibility does not really make him happy. No one is having fun and enjoying what they’re doing. Yet they continue on, as he also does not want everything his parents worked very hard to accomplish to fall apart, into pieces, and dissolve. They both feel guilt and obligation towards one another if they were to simply put themselves first.

A business has no heart, no feelings, it is juts a thing, it does not love you back, and although that business served the family very well throughout the years, bringing in the money to support and feed the family, and the butchers’ wife definitely enjoyed working there once upon a time, it has now become a burden, like millstone around their necks…to everyone involved basically. Yet neither can let go…out of fear and impregnations of duty.

And since that is how they look at things…thinking they have a duty to uphold what was, and abiding by in-programmed ideas about how things are supposed to be, they are all missing out, denying themselves. No one there is lovingly taking care of himself.

There is no shame or harm whatsoever in letting go of something that obviously needs and wants to go. The son much rather would be doing something else, and the butchers’ wife much rather would drop it all and have some stress free time and space…Yet they have cemented themselves in so rigidly, that they truly feel there is no way out anymore. And what one thinks is, and always comes true. Nothing else is able come in anymore, all new possibilities and solutions are strictly kept out. Their energy has built/created them a prison, jailing them in, behind very thick bars.

The butchers’ wife stated:  ‘well, that’s just life then I guess’….I replied: ‘no, that definitely is not life…’

Material reality is fluid, it flows and forms itself around you, according to your energy and thought-vibration. Reality bends itself around you; it arranges itself according to your transmitted frequency-energy and beliefs/thoughts.

Another variation on that: I once read a story about a woman who had just moved into another home after divorcing her husband, with not enough funds to buy al the electric kitchen- and laundry equipment and such. One day a big truck drives up to her house, the inside filled with all the equipment she needed….a neighbour across the street had noticed her predicament and simply decided to buy her what she needed, free of charge or strings, as a gift. The woman felt this really was too much, and figured she could not accept such a great gift, so she didn’t.

Clearly this story shows how that particular woman immediately placed judgment on the situation. She thought it not a good thing, not the right thing to do, simply receiving without effort, and enjoying it.

(People are of course still very much under the impression that if they didn’t work hard for something, they’re not worthy of receiving anything either. They think one must always do/give something in return, or that when god is to support them, it can only come about with huge devastatingly miraculous events, the Great Spirit himself descending from heavenly paradise, lightning striking, winds roaring and all, to save them. Or angel choirs appearing, lifting them straight into the heavens. Yet…god is a very down to earth ‘guy’ ya know ;D…and will definitely not go about anyway other than taking the shortest, simplest, easiest path. God works through humans, as humans are god. The divine does not believe in effort, humans do. Nor does the divine judge or punish; only humans do.)

This particular woman right away labelled the situation, boxed it in, blocked receiving, determining it was not done accepting such a huge gift. She never saw god working through that neighbour in simple support of her, loving her and providing her with what she needed. She could only view it the old-energy way.

One of the most important things humanity has to re-learn is RECEIVING, without placing judgement, or defining the situation, yet totally neutral. And without it requiring much of any doing on their part. It simply doesn’t need that. In order to truly receive, one must first discover love of Self, so one can also allow enjoyable stuff into ones reality, pampering oneself :D

Humans who reject themselves, how they look, who they are etc, are blocking love, and lovingly being supported. God cannot come in with love, when one has blocked love towards oneSelf. God cannot support one who does not support and embrace Self. Look around the old world, everywhere on TV, commercials etc, humans are being programmed on what to think, how to be, what to wear and look like, and how to behave etc….And so they basically learn that who they are is not good enough, not okay. They learn to reject everything they are, in favour of an outside program that wants them to fit into certain prefab standards. When in fact, it’s the diversity that carries the magic. It’s the variety in which lays the strength, and that brings about and provides us with the amazing experiences we are all here to create…together.

I myself had an event recently where some unexpected money fell into my lap, where I knew the old world would have rejected it, judging the gift, determining the situation and how it all came about,. So I deliberately went the other way and simply decided to neutrally receive the money, in the spirit in which it was given, a neutral gift. I accepted with grace, knowing that whoever was also involved in this situation behind the scenes, was in it for a reason, and it was all in divine perfect order. It was the perfect situation for me to consciously and intentionally detach myself from what the old way would have prescribed, a perfect opportunity to step back and look at it from a distance, without judgement or placing a label on the event, nor rejecting it, just seeing very clearly and neutrally what this event was in fact showing me.

If you were to find a 1000 Euro banknote wile walking down the street, what would you decide to do with it? This is not what happened to me, my situation was different, but just ask yourself…?

There is no need for quilt, rejection, judgment, prejudice or whatever when sudden gifts fall into your lap in a totally unexpected way. And I am sure the divine inside me gifted me with this situation, so I could wittingly choose the other new energy way.

God does not judge humans, nor what they create, wish to receive/create or how creations come about. God offers such events in a neutral fashion, and one can simply receive them in the same spirit. God does not judge what humans think they need, they are free to create whatever, and god also does not judge the way the human creations are brought into reality. God will simply use the easiest route, even if in a way the old world could never accept and would greatly judge. Gods way simply is not the (duality) human way.

Another example: I received a huge bill; some insurance company claimed I had not paid 3 months worth of premium, the last 3 months of 2009 (I now no longer carry insurances of any kind anymore, I have no need for them). I read the letter, and, since I have been washed by all waters of ascension boot camp already, it did not get to me at all. It left me totally indifferent, not even making me blink, no emotions brought about in me whatsoever. All I felt was total neutrality.

Now, being used to not having any money until the very moment in which it is needed, in the now, I trusted that either the bill would be paid somehow, or, as I was thinking, it would be nice if it would simply get remitted and just disappear, dissolve. So I wrote the company a short & neutral response, mailed it, and then basically forgot about it. So I was totally detached, out of the way, neutral.

A few weeks later I received another letter from the company asking if I wanted to be ´heard´…I just let that one slide by, not responding. I had already said all I needed to share about the subject in my responsive letter to them, so I simply stayed clear, not putting any of my energy into it. Forgetting all about it again. A few more weeks later I received a letter from them saying they had reviewed the situation and had come to the conclusion they had in fact miscalculated, so I did not need to pay the bill.

Can’t say I was surprised, as I had expected some solution to come about. I found it all natural.

The situation had simply dissolved itself, vanished into thin air. I had created my own solution, in staying neutral, detached and letting the divine bring in the best possible solution. And I honestly did not care, I did not think about ways in which the divine might or might not solve it, I just had one very quick neutral casual thought, and then I simply forgot about the whole thing, as it wasn’t important.

So, I let go, and let god.


For every ‘problem’ there is also a divine solution. That is the balance of things.

One can only imagine the possibilities when living in this new way. Anything is possible; there are no limits to what one can create. God is behind you all the way.

Returning from my holiday in Belgium, all the way home, at the airport, in the plane, while waiting for the airport transfer service to drive me home, and also inside the shuttle bus from the airport to my house, I felt as if in a bubble. All sound had faded away into the background, like a faint murmuring. Like right before falling asleep, everything sounds very far away as you doze off. I was very much awake, but the world going on outside of me felt very distant, almost non-existing. It was as if I was travelling through time and space, or maybe like in a wormhole…I didn’t really experience it, as if not all there…

I arrived back home in literally no-time…not having noticed any time passing by, where the journey from door to door still takes about 7-8 hours. I really loved en enjoyed travelling like that, easily and swiftly. Almost like teleportation.

I decided to take of my slippers in the taxi though, as my feet were glowing hot. We were only 2 people in a huge shuttle bus, and the other passenger, I figured, was sleeping. He had been away from his Tyrolean motherland for a long time, and the first thing he had done when returning, setting foot onto the soil of birth, was drink the sweet beer of home…and plenty of it!

He talked incessantly with people while waiting for the taxi at the airport, and his beer perfume (mixed with sweat) could be smelled miles away. I got in the taxi first and sat myself down way in the back, enjoying my bubble. I felt no need to speak about anything, no fun or polite conversation for me this time.

My fellow passenger had kind of dozed off, sinking ever deeper into his seat while leaning ever further towards the window, his head falling forward every now and again, chin on his chest, after which he sat up again with a jolt, fighting against his sleep, trying to resist. And then the whole process of falling asleep started anew.

As I took off my sandals, the very distinct smell of old cheese slowly filled the shuttle bus. Sitting in the back I kind of hoped it would not spread too far…But I saw my fellow passenger all of a sudden sit back up again, turning his head, attempting to asses where that sudden obtrusive odour that tickled his nose, came from.…and the driver way in front suddenly turned the fan straight in my direction…so…I guess they noticed :D …It didn’t bother me …the smell died away anyway as soon as my feet got a chance to breathe :)

Where normally, after having spent an extended amount of time among old energies, my body immediately starts detoxing when having arrived back again in my own peaceful, clear space at home, this time my body hardly detoxed at all. (well..except for maybe my smelly feet :)). I may have sneezed once or twice, and that was it! Years ago it would have taken me a couple of days of flu-like stuff…at least. I guess I have grown immune now :D

Another story which just happened to me very recently, in the last week actually. Something completely different but still…I have a downstairs neighbour who has his ex-girlfriend from Scotland living in with him. She and I got along just fine; she told me plenty about herself and vice versa. Our stories were in many respects similar…She even came up, visiting me in my apartment a few times, my own sacred space, which, I am sure, is utterly saturated with my vibe..

On my website I have written about how energies influence each other, and explained how lower vibrations must come up when in contact with higher vibrations. The lower frequency always adjusts to the higher one…Sometimes it takes a while, can be a day, a week, a month, a year or longer, but it is unstoppable, irreversible, and they will be irrefutably and for ever changed by your mere presence. That is your gift to them.

(Needless to say that how higher you are able to get yourself in frequency-vibration, how brighter you make your light, the greater your impact is, and the more intensely you serve this planet in helping her change. The deeper your love for, and the more steadfast your trust in yourself grows, the more magnificent your service and influence. Not by attempting to force change onto others, which you can’t, nor by evangelising and/or forcing your way upon the world around you, but by changing and loving you. That is how one assists in bringing about peace and harmony).

Just as I mentioned in the story here above, about my brother-in-law and my sis, lower vibrations can get annoyed when having you around for a while. Your light permeates the deepest darkest cracks and corners of their being, and so sometimes they lash out, or simply feel the need to make their territory known.

(I experienced a similar event many years ago where I was removed and banned from a forum, after simply being the open honest me I always am, never getting personal or attacking, just simply sharing my own view on things, which have to do with me, not anyone else. All in divine perfect order. Because when you don’t belong somewhere anymore, when the difference in energies/frequencies/vibrations cause friction, and are non-matching to you, you will get kicked (out). To me those old energy places were providing way to flat and one-sided info anyway. So I simply continued on alone, moving ever forward ahead, on nothing but my own insights and intuitions. Old energies can actually hold you back, stopping you from evolving and progressing any further, if you were to hold onto them. Same thing happened when I needed to quit my job, and on many other occasions, all good. when its time to go, its time to go. Move on.)

It seems the brighter your light, the more explosive people sometimes respond to your presence…it is all relative to each other…(yet also: the less you are taken back by such violent attacks…as if no devastating  drama at all took place)

Now, this neighbour has lived in my building since last winter, where she worked in a bar. Start spring and summer we talked a lot. After as while I noticed a change in her. And I must say I had always kind of sensed she was a lightworker in need of awakening. Yet, of course, I respectfully never spoke about these things with her, just kept it general.

I know she was brought into my space for a reason. She wasn’t doing too well, one could easily tell. Nothing seemed to work out for her, not finding a new job, getting a drivers licence or anything – many a lightworker can relate to that J - . So she mainly stayed home…where I always am as well.

I kept my distance as I felt she needed her space. She carried very dark, heavy, deeply painful energy around. That much had always been clear to me….as I felt…a bit nervous around her. I get jittery sometimes when being around a lot of darkness, my systems warning me in a way. Yet people are people, love is love, so although I keep very much to myself in my private sanctuary, I also enjoy peoples’ company from time to time…Rejection of others is in fact rejecting of Self…and especially with her it was important, so I felt.

I told her the highlights of my ascension story, which is not something I usually do, it just sort of spontaneously popped out. Usually I keep all that stuff to myself, except for a couple of close friends and family members, or simply people I feel are cap-able and in need of hearing it.

I never hide nor hold myself back; but am always all of me in all openness and honesty, always from the heart, my core being. I know people who can’t take the true me are simply not supposed to be in my life. My outside and inside expression is synchronised. Sometimes I speak and converse from within my own world, sometimes I just listen, and sometimes I adjust my questions/language to fit the old world others relate to. But I never engage in travesty.

So I figured, since it seemed bigger than me blurting out my story like that, that is was something that naturally needed to happen. I don’t judge myself or my emotions anymore, what comes out obviously has a reason for expressing itself. So after we kept our distance for many weeks…All of a sudden, the doorbell rang, very long and urgently.

Since she only speaks English and no German whatsoever, I had always told her she could call on me whenever she needed my assistance. But, in the back of my mind I had noticed something brewing in her, and I was vaguely aware something unpleasant was up. So, I opened the door, and there she was…First with a big glued-on smile, asking me how I had been, and complementing me on my dress.

Then, like a leaf on the wind, her face changed, and turned all pale and creepy. She started saying stuff about people stalking her, increasingly raising her voice, and that this was a warning for me, that I had to keep out of her business or I would be sorry. She accused and threatened me, saying totally bizarre stuff. All I replied was I didn’t know what on earth she was talking about, but she steamed back into her apartment and shut the door. So I stood there for a moment, boggled, and went back inside as well.

I talked about it with my landlady, as I felt this girl was like a loose canon. I detached myself from the situation, as any problems, thoughts or ideas other people may have about me, are theirs and theirs alone, and so for them alone to deal with, not me. People who are convinced of certain things will never be able to hear anything else anyway. One can only change/save oneself, and not the other, nor should one try to, it is simply not your place or job. So my landlady spoke to the ex-boyfriend, (as I had no interest whatsoever to engage in the situation) who was totally in the dark about his ex’ life & behaviour. He talked to her, figuring he had thus cleared the situation.

The next day, I was watching a DVD; the doorbell rang again, very urgently. I knew by the sound of that ringing, it was her, and that she definitely wasn’t carrying the peace pipe, so I let it ring. I am under no obligation whatsoever to open my door to everyone that wishes access to me. I alone decide which energies I allow into my space. So, she rang 3 times, very long and insistently, and I did not respond.

Then one day passed by in peace. The day before yesterday the doorbell rang again, again urgently. I figured it would be her, but I was also expecting some parcel in the mail, so slight chance it was the mailman. I checked to see if his car was there, and nope. So I knew she was there again. I figured maybe she was now ready to calmly talk about what was going on with her, although in my heart I greatly doubted it.

She had gotten even worse, immediately she started screaming that I should not play dumb, and that she knew everything, that she wasn’t there to apologise or argue, but simply wanted me out! She would drag me herself if she had to, so she said, or rather yelled. I stated again, very calmly, that I didn’t know what she was talking about and closed the door on her, and she stood there screaming at my door for a while. Then she went inside and I heard her loudly talking and screaming, and I figured she was calling a friend or something. I alerted my landlady of the situation and that it was now getting alarming.

Then the doorbell rang again, and I was like ‘Nuhuh, no way!’…Looking down from my balcony I suddenly noticed a police car parked in front of our building. She had called the police on me!

So I opened the door for the officers, she came out as well, ranting away. I invited one policeman into my apartment so that I could, calmly, tell him what was going on, without her screaming.

Each time see laid eyes on me she would totally freak out. Towards the officers and my landlady she was in fact pretty calm.

She was simply totally fixated on me, and directed all her rage and frustration at me. I must say I was quite shocked. I have never experienced a severe explosion of such darkness in my direction.

She told the officers the strangest things: she had seen me in her apartment, that I had a secret key, and that I went through her stuff, making scans and pictures of her papers and stuff, and that I had been spying on her, hiding at the bus stop, that the policemen had to check through my stuff as she accused me of stealing a book and some money of hers, and they had to go check whether I even paid rent, and that I never worked and that was suspicious, that I should get a job like everyone else, and so on and so forth.

She was obviously also reliving some very old traumas, which had caused her to feel stalked and watched, classic case of paranoia.

She even ranted she wanted me out at all costs; she would even buy me a ticket and drag me to the bus stop herself if money was so tight for me, etc etc. It was insane. Things had simply grown way over her head and she had gone off the deep end.

My landladies’ kids kept me company as I went back inside my home, leaving it to the officers to do their thing. Those had noticed right away this woman was not thinking clearly, but was confused and troubled.

I intuitively never addressed her, nor looked her in the eye; I simply did not acknowledge her even being there. Not wanting to stir things up in her even more. I was looking at it from a distance, detached, as I felt it had absolutely nothing to do with me whatsoever. This was all about her. Her ideas, her creation. Not my responsibility.

But I was all shook up, literally shaking...and crying too. I had never experienced such a deep dark attack of blackness before. I guess, on some level, I had almost kind of forgotten such rage and harshness even existed, living in solitude as I do, withdrawn from the mainstream. But it was more the kind of shock a child experiences after it fell or bumped its head, automatically crying with shock, when in reality it never really hurt at all. This is why a child gets over its tears very quickly, and is laughing again the very next second. No big deal.

(Parents actually have a choice whether they dive into their kids’ drama, acting as if indeed it was all very serious, thus feeding and nurturing the drama-energy. This way it will become a habit, the child will discover very quickly that when it continues to cry, scream and even throw tantrums, it will always get the attention drawn to it, whether that attention is pleasant or not. A kid even learns how to manipulate others into getting its way by creating drama. Or parents can simply go ‘Oops’, smile, joke and carry on as if it was no-thing.. (Unless of course the child’s’ arm is cut off, has a gushing hole in its head, or stuff like that :))

Right away a huge migraine exploded inside my head, I could barely see a thing. My landladies’ kids kept me company all day. Sweet light child-energy. We painted, ate spaghetti and watched a movie, and by then I had calmed down, having also taken a shower. A huge thunder storm also broke loose over our heads…it was a very violent day…and I had to shower twice :).

The following day her ex had locked her into her apartment and simply went to his job. Like a raging nest of hornets, I could feel the mad buzzing of her angry vibe in my direction, fuming, coming up straight through the bottom of my apartment floor, for the remainder of her stay here. It gave me another huge migraine yesterday.

Last night, at 1 o'clock in the morning, the doorbell rang....Police....She had written a text to her Dutch girlfriend and Scottish family, about how a dangerous neighbour was threatening her, and they had, in turn, all worried and upset, called the police on me.

Her ex gave her 3 options: either go back to Scotland, leave for Holland to her friend, or be taken into a hospital nearby. She picked the last option. I watched them leave just this afternoon...

Just an hour or so ago she packed all her stuff in the car…and he drove her off...Like in a horror movie, and I am completely certain she could never see me, she kept looking up at my kitchen window smiling, and even waved frolicsomely when she knew he wasn't looking...It was creepy....I was hidden behind the blinds of my bedroom window, so it was all just in her mind that she thought she could see me at the kitchen window...Strangely enough I felt no fear. And I haven’t lost any sleep over it either.

I know she picked the nearby hospital because all the other places would take her away too far from me, and her vengeance....Because if she cannot ventilate all her rage at me, she will have to turn inward and face herself...which she is terrified of doing…No one knows what happens inside the head of such an individual....God in it's craziest expression almost.....

The deepest dark is now being squeezed out everywhere, so some humans appear to be going insane as the urging light-energy frequencies raise the pressure ever higher. They experience total stress with so much darkness to deal with. Most of them do not know how, so they very violently lash out at the world around them, feeling mobbed.

All I felt for her, as I saw her pack in her stuff, was deep compassion, warmth and love...I know she must feel very alone right now, with no one believing her...And in her mind it is all my fault she is now sent away....If given a chance she might be back to make me pay...I dreamt it, I know…and yet I feel safe and calm.

I never showed myself to her again. She never got to lay eyes on me again, as I did not want to provoke anything, nor stir up anything or whatever....I was neutral like Switzerland J, and turned the other cheek, non responsive, non re-active. I did not meddle/engage in the problem, nor in the solution. So I stayed in, and didn't even go onto my balcony today (normally I eat breakfast there) until I had seen with my own eyes she left, and was gone from my space...

Through it all I remained centred at my core...even if my outside being was all shook-up and startled, all that was very superficial. It never went deep nor touched my being. As soon as I removed myself from her presence, I went back to neutral in literally no-time. I even had fun with one of the officers who wanted to know how old my neighbour was, as in his experience women that entered menopause generally went nuts. I never heard that before and first figured it a joke, but he was dead serious.

Just now I heard she has not been taken to hospital at all, but was left at the train station, with all her belongings (typical Austrian male solution)…I trust she is now on her way to family and/or friends. The more ‘time’ and ‘space’ comes between us, the more she will simmer down. Being removed from my space and energy will calm her, and get her into a state where she might actually consider dealing with herself, instead of taking her dark stuff out on the world around her. According to her ex she has gone back to Scotland, back to her past where she has many issues to face and clear away.

It’s the same fate for everyone…no one can rid you of your goo but you. And many people go, or think they are going (a little) insane when ascension first strikes. Not exactly knowing what hit them and diving deeply into a state of anxiety.

As I described before, all the stories that are now going on worldwide, with fathers and mothers killing off their offspring, and then themselves, and people going nuts in many other ways as well, are basically symptoms of healing…The pus is now being squeezed out of the shadows, big-time, with no other place to go and hide, but in plain sight. It has no other choice, now that the lights have been switched on. These are the sign of the times.

That which lives in the shadow does not appreciate the sunlight

Thing is…it was nothing personal, and I never took it as such. After months in my close vicinity, and with such huge deep dark energy tucked away within her, it was only a matter of time before my light would seep through into the deepest darkest abysses of her being. It was only natural her darkness would be brought out for her to see and deal with. Her contrast to my light was enormous.

(Same way my contrast to the harmony I experienced with my Michael at that time  – see Sacred Counterparts - needed to be pushed/come out to be healed, before that beautiful relationship could ever manifest in reality. A disharmonious being cannot have a harmonious relationship.)  

So my neighbour naturally felt increasingly uncomfortable around me, and made me the centre of everything that went haywire in her life, which was to be expected in a way. And it is only understandable that she insisted on having me removed from the building, no longer living and being there. As she (her darkness) felt very threatened by me (light), she feels ever so uncomfortable having me around. Even scratched my front door with her pencil.

She also experienced huge existential anxiety, fear of not having enough money to ensure her survival…

(My) love/light has a huge impact wherever I(t) go(es), as I am saturated with love, and anyone that comes into my space gets embraced and surrounded by it, and I don’t need to say or do anything for that to happen. It just is. Some can handle that, for at least a little while, others can’t, at all. It’s not the first time something like this happened; hopefully it will be the last, as I can’t say I ever enjoy it. But if it needs to be, then so it is…It is simply part of my service as a catalyst for change on planet earth. No harm would ever come to me.

I never thought it would come about in such a highly explosive manner though, it seldom does. But never the less, it simply had to happen. It is how energy works. It was my gift to her, but it will take her a while to process, and get to the point where she can see that, and be grateful for the event. She now has a long road of healing ahead of her. I merely triggered her awakening and release. I have asked the divine for the best possible, most loving solution for all parties involved. I wish her love.

It made me wonder whether it was also a message that maybe it’s time to leave from here (As things are multi-dimensional, and always have more than just one reason/purpose/meaning for coming into being. Like a diamond has many facets, events have many side-effects, and also serve many…). I have been pushed out before in a similar manner. I feel now it might be time to leave, but I don't know whereto yet, nor how to get there...But whatever, god will show the way....Some door will open at the perfect time....and I am too tired now to care anyway…These were kind of nerve wracking days in a way, felt crazy, insane, strange and surreal…yet also neutral and distant.

Maybe she also was the last bit of darkness leaving my space...with a bang....who knows...Maybe it was simply darkness waving me goodbye for good. Maybe my time here is drawing to an end. So I put out some ads, and we shall see. If suitable response comes, then I will be on my way. If not I will remain where I am.

Just like the events as my sisters’ place, this was a very useful experience to me (and, as I am sure, it also served as such to everyone I came into contact with). It showed me how incredibly far I have progressed, how far evolved-beyond I now am.

As I mentioned before, as with any event, they always have more than just one side/effect. My neighbour was brought into my space so I could give her my gift of high energy, yet she also gifted me with the realisation of how deeply I have changed, neutralised and evolved. The events had a multi-levelled effect on everyone involved.

As I mentioned before as well, all people involved look at things from their own perspective. All the old surrounding world could think of was getting the ‘bad seed’ out of here, all of a sudden severely judging and rejecting her. All very harsh, and to me, also quite strange in a way. Where they had all taken to her before, she was now history and no longer liked.

They also drew the whole story upon themselves, as if in actuality THEY had been at the centre of her rage, the ones under siege. When the only one my neighbour ever ventilated at, and aggressively approached, was me, no one else. They also came up with all kinds of doom scenarios, of what could happen (with THEM) if she ever turned up here again, as if THEY had been attacked and needed to protect themselves. Making the drama even bigger then it really was, feeding it and making it grow. They took it personally, where I had already gotten over it, moved on and was done with it.

The downstairs neighbour just wanted to rid himself of her, as her behaviour was simply a nuisance to him, and he was ashamed, embarrassed by the situation. Thus he very quickly and coldly disposed of her. His problem solved by dropping his ex off at the train station. He had never been aware of anything going on with her, what had been going on in her life or anything. I knew more then he did. It all showed a plain ignorance and disinterest towards a fellow human being who was living under his roof. He never even dropped by to talk to me. Which I have no issue with, except that I neutrally registered it. He had no real interest in how I or anyone else was doing. The only thing he was interested in was himself, his reputation, how it would all look to the outside world, how it would brush off on him, what people would hold of him, having a ‘crazy’ woman like that around.

The only one that could look at this from many different sides, levels and dimensions, was me. I was the only one experiencing warmth towards her. My sympathies for her actually hadn’t changed. The only one that could look behind the scenes and see what was truly going on. Zooming in and out, from all angles, like a camera on the ceiling. ‘Reality’ has many different facets. There is always more than one message entailed, it as endless layers. Peel away one, and there is another right behind it. World within world.

Having ascended, neutralized and detached, does not mean one turns cold and indifferent towards fellow human beings, to the contrary! One loves without judgment or rejection. One simply understands the energies, and respectfully detaches, never meddling (unless asked). One feels deep compassion and love, just never takes the others ones’ load upon oneself, not loading their pain upon ones’ own shoulders, but leaving it where it belongs. For those that created it to deal with and solve. You no longer make their pain and problems your own. They are god as well and perfectly capable to handle it themselves. They have all the necessary tools at their disposal, as do you.

One must understand that everything is always in divine perfect order. All the events as I described them here, are my neutral observations from up above, I hold no judgment whatsoever to any behaviour anyone exhibited.

The old world’s responses and re-actions served to immediately remove my, now widely broken open, neighbour from my space, as was gods will and intention. In my protection, and also in service to her. I had no part in any decisions, neither in making nor executing them, but simply let god take care of it all. The ultimate objective had been reached, and so she had to go.

In this respect the dark and old world energies served me in many different ways. For insight, protection etc. High and low frequencies are ONE functioning whole, serving the divine perfection of one.

The earth right now has old as well as new energies, all thrown together in the mix, all perfectly divinely serving and supporting each into growth and development. Both are god and divine. All perfectly aligned and collaborating. We help each other get to wherever each of us needs/wants to go.

All is one, and everything is one whole. Whether it’s low vibes or high vibes, darkness or light, it all works perfectly together in service of the whole. So there really is no them and us. ‘They’ are all you, and you are ‘them’, mutually serving each other, providing each other with the desired and necessary experiences, be it aware or unaware. Without dark there cannot be light, one cannot be without the other. God is neutral, and simply created these contrasting energies to ensure experiences can be made.

We can choose to experience light or dark. Either is fine. Whether we live the light or the dark, it is our own free choice; the divine places no judgment on it. All world and dimensions are interrelated and influence each other. Like waves rippling outward, back and forth, as an ocean.

From the micro-cosmos within each human, to the macro-cosmos of all humans on earth, to the mega-cosmos surrounding earth, and all the giga-cosmoses way beyond. And also back again. All dimensions/universes overlap and play together. One cannot be without the other. Not one is better or more important than the other. They exist within one another. No time, no space between them. Those are a mere illusion.

Things I did just this morning already feel like an eternity ago. A day can feel like forever, a week like just a second. 5 years of ascending passed by in just the flashing blink of an eye. Things that happened just a moment ago now already seem like ancient history. I sometimes ask myself ‘was it just today that happened, or was it last month?’ I oftentimes am unaware of what ‘day’ it is, or what ‘time’ or ‘month’.  I wear no watch either. My life is time-less…age-less.

Like a circle has no beginning or end, everything exists all at once. Present past and future as well. Past, present and future work together as one. A piece of text written in the past may turn out to be very useful in the future. Past experiences may benefit you in future times. Like for instance you wrote a piece about something years ago, and all of a sudden, after ‘years gone by’ someone bumps into it and is greatly helped by it, (where you had already totally forgotten all about it), and out of gratitude makes a big donation, money which you in turn were just in need of to pay a bill. And for instance someone from your past you never thought about again, it may have even been just a very brief encounter, all of a pops up providing you with what you needed, be it money or otherwise.

Such fleeting encounters in the past, may turn out to be crucial in your present to ensure your future. All presented to you (and them) right at the perfect moment, and in the perfect situation.

Also: my past is the world’s future…as is my present. People from past ‘timelines’ stumble over my work and are forever altered by absorbing its vibration. That is the future influencing and changing the past.

There is also no progress of ‘time’. There is no first or last. The same ONE cycle (incl. spring, summer, fall and winter) is simply being repeated over and over again. Like an ancient tree that never dies but simply drops its old leafs/clothes, and then blooms again, bigger and richer each cycle over. It does not age or die, but grows. Its roots reach deeper, its crown grows ever higher and wider, reaching ever farter into the sky, baring ever more fruit.

Very funny: right before all this came to pass with my downstairs neighbour, I saw a police car driving around and asked myself whether those Austrian policemen were actually nice guys. So god said: ‘I’ll send you some, so you can experience it for yourself’ :D And indeed, they were very nice guys. I take full responsibility for my creations, even if sometimes I too wonder what the hell that was all about. Wisdom comes when taking a step back. Not reacting like a hen without a head.

The reason I always, so openly, share my personal experiences is because there is no better way of explaining what it is all about, as with ones own experiences. Book- and theoretical wisdom can be useful at times, yet there is no better schooling than having undergone it, and passing on the message…And of course, changing ones own energy and simply being around on planet earth, cruising around in between worlds. Simply BEING here is enough.

Right before all this happened I had been feeling totally on top of the world….moving into new and unchartered territory...things were flowing somehow...

The following is what I wrote about that to a friend, describing to her how it felt:

`I have money coming in steadily so it seems, from here and there...and I spend it just as easily...not hanging on to anything but simply letting it flow....knowing that there will always be more...like an open channel....as if it all flows right through me...I just don't care....I have no more fear of there not being money...there is always money....the more I spend, the faster it comes in so it seems :)...and I feel I simply deserve it....having embraced all of me...and coming such a long long way.....simply nothing gets me upset or bothered anymore...came to far to get here......I have this deep feeling of certainty within.....so very certain and secure.....so very steadfast....careless....calm....strange...but not....and it is staying now...it never goes away or fluctuates.....it costs me no effort whatsoever…no more up & down wave patterns...it is here to stay now....one neutral flat line...that goes on forever....

new....

I have been feeling (and actually also acting on it) that I can simply order whatever I need and the money will be there somehow...and so far it works...and while doing it I keep feeling totally neutral...it feels like a very natural way to be....like me....like Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade.....treading on a path he cannot see, that looks like an abyss....yet in the very last second he notices the path IS actually there, he just never saw it before...it appears to him only as he already sets his foot down.....that's how I feel it works now.....the abyss is the illusion...it simply isn't there.....creating the path as we go along....reality unveils itself, adjusting itself to my energy.....pulling together from everywhere, materializing right before my very eyes, wherever I go the energies draw together, making/creating the path as I go, in the very last moment......NOW... it's not even about believing anymore, or about trusting or knowing......it's way beyond all that....it feels like home....like having arrived (not in the way like during transition where you have times where you feel like your done...but actually are not....because of the in and outbreath of ascension, the squeezing en expanding)…I just step into endless 'abysses', sensing the path is simply there :)

I feel as if I am in an infinite new space right now....there is so much air here....endless air to breathe and stuff to explore.....it feels enormous, gigantic, never ending…like a breathing in that never stops….but goes on forever….like a balloon that can be blown up forever, never getting filled and exploding….this sense of being in an open endless new space, like being a giant hall with no walls anywhere, all sides totally open and free, no up, no down, no left or right, no floor either....just floating into infinite clear free space.......no roads, no signposts...never been visited by anyone ever before....nothing there…all brand-new.....the universe before creation….no-thing…empty…still….undefined….

and then the voice said 'no, you are the first one here, you're alone'....and then it showed me a piece of text about 'the pioneer'....and then I truly got it.....I am here…I have arrived…all by myself…alone on a new planet, in a new world…

'A pioneer is someone who needs to have the courage to break through
the barriers of public opinion, possibly inviting criticism, ridicule
or opposition. They need to have such faith in themselves and in their
task, that nothing will stop them! It is usually only in retrospect
that they are considered pioneers, when their achievement is finally
recognized and lauded as a step forward for humanity. Finally it
becomes an accepted and obvious truth.....To pioneer is not an easy
task, but pioneers are necessary. These luminaries may live in the
spotlight, or they may just be quietly working away behind the scenes,
but nevertheless they are playing a necessary and important part of
changing the world in some way, shape or form. They go where no “man”
has gone before, opening the way, forming the path and making it easy
for others to follow...The term “pioneer” can be synonymous with
“first.” Every pioneer is the first to cross uncharted territory in
any sphere. New lands were discovered because Christopher Columbus and
other brave souls were prepared to leave their comfort zones to cross
unknown, hostile and dangerous waters....'


 like star trek '...to boldly go where no man has gone before'
:)

can you imagine...the first one to visit a new universe, a new land where no one ever walked before you.....clean....no sign of human life anywhere.....no signs of footsteps on the beach anywhere....not even a beach! No ripples in the water….no water even! uninhabited still....there will never be anything like this experience ever again....wow....creating my own whole new world....any which way I like....no one  that tells you how it goes...as there is no one here....all free….just me.... centred around the natural god source within....which knows it simply has a divine right to wish, create and enjoy....it is its essence after all....

saw myself pouring lighting white concrete into all those empty rooms that use to hold darkness......and then seal them off with brick walls, and plastering those...and painting them white, and placing a curtain over them....they all centred around a round space/room that had no ceiling but went up like forever....there was no end (nor beginning) anywhere in sight.....

and now it seems as if I can't get to any dark sad place anymore....as if it is completely sealed off....ego sometimes makes an effort to go there but is stopped dead in its tracks before even starting.....like a firecracker that never cracks…wet gunpowder…it cannot ignite…it simply goes pffffff and dies…..there just isn't anything there anymore...not frustration nor worry/fear...it is simply dead....never to be revived....

I saw how the divine has no judgment about what we as humans think we need.......whether it's a bucket or a bra.....god provides....as long as we stay neutral......expecting it is taken care of...it is all accepted and embraced.....the whole boot camp scenario these last 5 years was simply to get to the required neutrality.....from then on there is nothing we cannot create....as we no longer place judgment on what we want....nor how it comes to us....

and that is why we were pushed to the very outer limits of our fears....so we teach ourselves to choose other-wise…did you know that an aggressive dog can stay aggressive for only 3 minutes?....after that he's realised there isn't anything to fear, as his fear has not been manifesting.....so he has used up all his anger and settles down.....for most humans it takes years and years before they settle down obviously.....before they torched off all their reactivity.....it's been there for millennia after all.....

I saw how those guys that are taking care of the huge remodelling of the building across the street, represent how the divine is working for me behind the scenes...building me a new home/place...all hands on deck :D....the building is now coming along quite rapidly...the last 2 days they've been moving big rocks into the yard.....like thunder :)...

I feel like having outgrown these surroundings...these people...this life in this place....the whole transition-thing....I have been feeling an underlying flow of joy...that is constant...when thinking about all the possibilities that become available when living and creating this way...there isn't anything we can't do/create.....no place we can't get to...infinite possibilities....freedom...I feel dizzy! I sensed freedom the first time I sat on my balcony knowing the upstairs neighbour was never coming outside ever again.....no darkness directed at me no more.....he was gone...finally...

and I felt joy and freedom...and wonder in way as well, when I got that big bill and stayed totally neutral, not wasting one bit of my energy to it......and then it just vanished....I never needed to pay it....and although it felt totally logical and natural, as if I never expected anything else (which in fact was totally true)...it also raised a sense of excitement and wonder....'what more must be possible if we can simply make bills vanish into thin air.....with no other tool than neutral thought....' one gets to bask on life. It feels conversant, familiar, magical, spacious, natural, harmonious, incredibly abundant, peaceful, loving…and certain. Like walking on clouds.

Maybe the events as I described them before, with my downstairs neighbour, were the last big contrast being pushed out of my space, after having experienced such light and lovely feelings  of endless freedom and space these last weeks/months. Maybe, as with the ascension waves, it was nothing short of natural and to be expected that a contrasting energy to that would come up for release. Even if it wasn't my own anymore, as I have none left...So it had to be her...

Like the micro-cosmos were the (contrasting) energies inside me...and the macro cosmos are the energies between her (the world) and me...Like circles in the water, rippling out from centre, spreading into ever greater cosmoses....vibrating outward...as within, so without…So let’s just be grateful.

Ever since living here, there have been big projects going on all around. There have been no breaks. Our street has always been broken open for some kind of construction work. The huge water pipes, which dated back from before WW2, have been renewed. All the electric wiring that was still above ground has now been dug in, all the masts gone…And all the central connecting points to those networks are all placed and centred right around my house. The central board were all electric conduits and cables from the whole neighbourhood come together, are right in front of my home to the right. The general water and drainage pipes gather on the left corner…

There have been huge remodellings going on with several buildings behind and in front of my home. ..All within those crucial last 5 years. My home is centred right in the middle, like spider in its web, or a heart centred at the core of its veins. This is no coincidence. After all: your outside reality is a mirror to you.

The huge reconstructions going on within me, were reflected back at me through my outside material reality. And this situation also reflects the fact that I am a central figure in the whole ascension scheme. (Another thing people went berserk over when I simply (naively in a way) unveiled this fact of my knowledge. Knowing ones role and expressing it can be tricky when among old world energies.)

My energy is being spread and conducted into the earth and amongst humanity in a similar manner. I breathe it out into the world through many veins (like my website). And so I also get placed at the centre of many different situations, in the material world as well as beyond, in the non-physical one, and very often in a hugely ordaining way.

This is why some lightbearers (get or got) move(d) around a lot, carrying their energy (torch) from (dark) place to (dark) place. A lighthouse serves no purpose if built in a (safe) place where it can’t be seen. Nor does one hide a lantern under a piece of thick cloth. Light serves best in dark places.

Like during those holidays at my sis´ for instance (which is just one example), where I am brought into contact with many people who have a genuine desire for change and development, be it consciously or less aware. And…again….since things are never just flat and one-sided, but always multi-levelled, -layered and inter-dimensional, experiences like that are thus also multi-useful. Not just for the world I engage in, who in turn spreads the vibe, but also for me…As lately it served to show me how incredibly far I have come…how neutral and utterly capable of basically handling anything with grace and peace.

And I must admit…all those new and finished remodellings make our quarter look even prettier…The huge building across the street, which is now last in the process of being modified, undergoing her lovely and extensive make-over, is progressing swiftly and will no doubt soon draw to a close. Windows are already being put in… reflecting my own building. And I must say, the guys are doing such an amazing job, just excellent, working as a team, with beautiful and luxurious materials. It is becoming a true gem, a little palace. 2 of the apartments it entails are already sold, only 3 more to go.

Of course it can be very loud at times, but contradictory to the neighbourhood, it doesn’t bother me at all. I simply blend it out. It cannot even wake me from my sleep when they start working at about 7 or 7.30 am. I only ever really notice there having been any noise in the evening, when they switch of their machinery and go home. Then all of a sudden things go really quiet.

Nor am I bothered with those working men parking their trucks and busses and stuff on our parking. The only one that has a car here right now is the downstairs neighbour, which means there are still 5 parking spaces left which are not in use, as the upstairs apartment is still uninhabited. Each tenant has 2 parking spaces as his/her disposal. So I don’t see what the fuss is all about having those guys use the free parking spaces, there aren’t an others anywhere around. Sure, te could have asked first….but it’s no big deal. It’s kind of logical to use the free space when no one else ever does. A whole-lot-a-do over no-thing.

I like watching the men work, as I can see it all coming along. From the breaking down to the building back up again. It’s fun! They love their work too, joking around, singing with the radio and laughing a lot, having fun (Not to mention it being hot summer weather, and the occasional good looking fellow taking off his shirt to reveal a well built tanned body from time to time :)).

It must be a tremendously satisfying experience to build a house from scratch. They must be ever so proud when driving around the area, passing by all those beautiful houses they built, with their own hands. ‘There, we built that…and that one too!’ :D). I think that’s just lovely.

One of them has tried for ages to draw the attention of a young woman, who often rides her horse right past the building. he has attempted to, in the old fashioned way, whistle at her many times, bending over backwards so far just to catch a glimpse of her, almost falling out the window. He tries so hard, yet she never seems to notice him, or acts like it… His whistle isn’t very well cultivated, and sounds more like he is trying to spit :) it’s so cute.

Humans are so incredibly creative! Just think about it, they design and build huge buildings, with their own hands! They make all kinds of machinery, tools, gadgets, exploration journeys, ‘discoveries’ and ‘inventions’, even illnesses, problems, and the ‘cures’ to go with it….So busy they are, and so eager to do their thing, it’s nothing short of cute! And amazing.  

Watching a movie like ‘the exorcist’ can really make me smile…such ingenuity humans have when making a picture…such an ingenuous idea and interpretation of the story of dark and light…To design and create their own horrors like that is in fact nothing short of amazing. When seeing someone on TV wearing an IV (intravenous line or infusion) or undergoing a ‘treatment’ in a so called ‘hospital’, I smile again…its an estranging feeling to know they themselves designed all it, yet they have no knowledge doing it, and are behaving the part as well. It’s like watching a play. Where that thing in their arm is nothing but a prop, and they are the actors staging it all.

You know they will grow and change perspectives and ideas, and develop and grow over ‘time’, many times over. Nothing is ever static or stays the same. It all undergoes constant change. One must respect, love and honour that in each human, the eagerness to know and explore, search, discover and create. To be totally obsessed and consumed with, to make and overthrow. It is each human’s divine right to do so.

When I heard my sis talk about her yoga-practice and all her spiritual theories about food and ayurvedic stuff to the far relative of mine that was visiting, I had to smile again. I was peacefully sitting on the edge of the pool with my feet in the still water enjoying the quiet evening sun, and they were at a distance in the kitchen. I could hear them talking through the open doors. My sis was sharing her theories with such conviction, enthusiasm and passion, so totally into her thing. All total and utter BS of course, but she did it so well! So very sweet…just adorable. God I loved them so deeply and joyfully, sitting there listening in.

It such fun to be allowed to create whatever BS we choose. It’s both exhilarating…and hilarious. God in all its expressions = me = love. The whole of creation is nothing but total BS (meaning BullShit for those wondering). Nothing is ever important or serious, it is all BS and will all, at some point, dissolve and get replaced by other new BS. It’s just something to do.

That’s how the divine feels you know. God feels such tenderness and smiles when seeing its ‘kids’ create and totally lose themselves in the process. Like a parent that watches his baby crawl and then take its first steps, or try out its little limbs, discovering everything, experiencing and wondering. It’s truly divine seeing ones’ fellow humans create and totally diving into something. God smiles and enjoys and lovingly allows its kids to do their discoveries and make their experiences. And if they fall god says ‘oops’ and smiles upon them. There is so much love in that. Not to mention children always blindly trust their parents and leave all the caring and providing to them. They are also brutally honest and do nothing but explore, play and enjoy. They genuinely know how to have fun and not worry about a thing, not a care in the world. I feel better in place when among kids these days actually, one can talk to them about anything and they will never really think it’s silly. One can be all goofy and they will just love it! Where adults often look as if they just saw water burning, under the impression one must ‘behave’ and act his or her ‘age’ (whatever the hell that may be).

Another change I noticed: I always loved reading fantasy books, still do...but I catch myself not being able to sometimes follow the responses the characters in the book are experiencing. I can no longer quite follow why one gets to feel insulted when someone else does or says something (and makes it a reason to go to war for instance). I have to go way back into my memory banks, into the middle ages, to grasp such an unreal re-action to 'provocation'.

I recently came to the conclusion that I now AM the harmony I experienced with my Michael 5 years ago. I became us. What he and I represented, embody and felt when together and making love, the balance and perfection of male and female in peace and harmony, is what I now have established within myself. This was exactly the objective. The bringing together of he and I way back then, (and it seems like an eternity ago, as well as just a second, a mere breath. He has kind of become an abstract.) introduced me to this type of perfect deeply harmonised true and neutral love….and of course, by his departure, broke me right open to do the work which would turn me into US….Masculine and feminine as ONE perfect whole.

I also noticed that the wound in my heart, the hole in my soul that used to hurt so bad, and make me cry whenever i thought of my Michael, yearning and aching for him, it was sheer torment at times, is no longer there.....I now feel neutral whenever  thinking of him, no more pain or trauma there....I guess that gap has now also closed. The separation is already healed in the non-physical world of energy, the rest is soon to follow...

Basically a similar dissolution of contrast as I brought before in my downstairs neighbour, who in turn had to then be removed, in order to commence her work of transmuting and releasing all contrast to love. Ascension at its purest.

The 'Twins', once re-united, form hubs of light, strong stabil pillars oh love and harmony on which reside the foundations of New Earth. The 'Twins' and all other ascended together will embody a huge network, a large tapestry of light which encompasses all of Earth and its inhabitants, and on which the New Earth will be/is being built. I keep seeing networks and hubs of light....like the earth at night photographed from space.....This Network of Light will ensure Earth will be upheld instead of destroyed. Like pins holding up a poster, a blueprint on the wall. The couples serving the ascension as 'Twins', will be re-united in phases. Contrary to the original plan to bring them back together all at once. This would put too much of a strain on the already stressed out planet. The huge energy input all united couples would radiate when re-united all at once would be just too much for he collective world to handle. So it's going to be a gradually ocurring event now. Slowly but surely these hubs of harmonised light, the high love-energy emanated by such couples, will have their designated effect in the most loving manner, by naturally transmuting their surrounding world. They will assist in bringing the inside out. From individuals, to couples, to families, to communities, to countries, to continents, to the world, to the cosmos and beyond, to all of creation. Love is a wonderful thing.

Cruising around the higher realms, things very much lose their meaning and importance. They loose distinction. I can even look at some object sometimes and simply not know what it ‘is’ or represents anymore. It simply does not compute. Everything is made out of the same one light, simply arranged differently.  A shoe is made from the exact same stuff as an egg, and so an apple is just as nourishing as a hamburger, or a bottle of ‘toxic waste’ for that matter, a car carries as much, or better said little ‘value’ as a paperclip. Be it 1 Euro, a thousand or a million, it is all the same. One is neither worth more, nor bigger, more important or higher in value than another. It is all neutral and one and the same. There is no distinguishing between anymore. No more separation or difference. It all gets neutralised. There are no expensive or valuable things, that simply does not exist. It is all meaning-less, and everything is created with the same ease and effortlessness.

I never refrain or hold back from pampering myself anymore. The money I have, I spend. I buy exactly the food I like and enjoy, no matter what it may ‘cost’, and I treat myself to whatever I feel appropriate at any given moment. I do not crave any material stuff, it is not a must-have, as I don’t identify with any of it, but when I so feel like it, I buy myself a DVD I have been wanting to see and stuff like that. It all takes place in total neutrality and I know money will always simply be there, it never runs out. Usually stuff simply pops up all by itself without me lifting so much as even a finger. Either I live abundantly, or not at all. After ascension boot camp one simply becomes carefree and lives naturally, without putting a whole lot of thought and effort into it. I simply allow. It flows all by itself.

I live totally in the here and now. Even let go of the feel-good vision I cherished all through the process of ascending. It was simply something to look forward to, a bright light at the end of the long dark tunnel. It kept me going. Now I have even detached from that, I let it go. I broke everything totally wide-open.  I even let go of my Twin-Love Michael. I have come to a point where nothing is a must-have anymore. It is all free and clear.  If I am to be guided to my dream home as I imagined it while ascending, then that will be great. But if god had something different in mind, then that’s fine too. God always brings everything about in the most perfect way anyway, better than I could have ever figured and thought for myself. Of course I daydream sometimes…it’s fun!

And that goes for my Love as well. Although I know in my heart he is my partner for life, I am also open to something else. When god thinks someone else is better suited, then I know gods right. Although I must say at my core I have unwavering certainty it will be my Michael.

I don’t live for future promises anymore; I make the best of every moment, right here and now. I see the wisdom in being right where I am, as I created it. I am at complete peace with that, and totally embraced my now. There is no denying or rejecting that whatever is now, is supposed to be, and in perfect divine order…as always. There are no mistakes.  Every day is my best and most perfect day. And when its time for change, I trust change will come. Everything always magically solves itself, like Manna from heaven, if you just get out of the way and let it. So hands off!

A few examples: I came up with the idea to dye some clothes which had gotten pale from washing. For that I needed a big bucket or bowl, as no way would I try that in my new washing machine. But, as it wasn’t important to me I let go of it, I had to do it outside anyway and the weather hadn’t been very suitable. Then one day I heard a loud rolling noise outside. It had been very windy; anything that wasn’t tied up would immediately get swept away on the loudly howling and singing breeze. So I went to my kitchen window to see what was so annoyingly rolling around our street. It turned out to be a huge bucket, oval shaped, gold coloured and deep. But, with the construction going on across the street, and the hotel, also across the street, doing their annual garden clean up, I figured someone was using it and would in fact come and get it. The gushing winds lasted 3 days…and all that time the bucket was ignored by everyone, rolling back and forth through the neighbourhood. So the 3rd day I had enough, I figured it was my bucket and went to get it. It was absolutely perfectly suited for my purpose. That bucket had simply been calling out to me, waiting for me to come get it. So it did. Perfect!

I started sewing only this summer, purely as a creative expression, a needed to simply get my creativeness out. I started adjusting old clothes, pimping them if you like J. After while, my fingertips got all thick with layers of callus from stinging myself with the needle many times over (I can’t actually sew, but one gets the hang of it after a while). So then I started thinking how nice it would be to have sewing machine…yet I didn’t really see the point of having one of those big complicated machines they make these days, I wanted something simple and small, so I wouldn’t have to study too long in order to use it. And I wanted it small so it could be easily tucked away in a closet someplace, and not too heavy to handle. I didn’t really figure machines that tiny were available and again, it wasn’t at all important to me, sewing by hand I was doing just fine. When I went to my sis in Belgium, my mom and other sis came to visit me. My mom, as she remembered from her visit to Austria a few months ago, knew I could use a sewing machine but wasn’t a very virtuous seamstress yet. And so…she actually brought me one. My mom of 73, who is now increasingly enjoying the internet, including shopping online, happily surfing around, had found me a teeny tiny sewing machine in an online store somewhere, and had bought it for me to have. It looks like something a doll would use, and has its own little cute bag for preservation, but is in fact no toy but a real electrical sewing machine, and it came with equally small foot pedal and everything, incl. thread. Perfect! :D

I was in need of a new laptop, as the monitor of my old one was starting to act all funny, and right that moment my sis sold one of my drawings, which in turn allowed me to go out and get myself a new laptop, which of course, had been a special offer at that exact moment, the exact kind of equipment I was looking for. Plenty of software on it and everything.

The parasol I got from a friend some years ago fell to pieces and immediately my landlady showed up with another one for me to use. I also manifested an brand-new Italian coffee automat.

Everything I think about buying for myself I end up getting at a discount. Including the whole studio equipment I treated myself to, and many other things as well. The divine is showing its support, saying ‘go for it!’…plenty of times the amount of money to be paid would end up being something like 11,11 or 21,12,  or the discount would be 33, 55  or 77 % etc.  This has been a mainstay now during these last few months. Things are simply flowing.

There have been so many happy creations like that I can’t go into them all…but…I am definitely on a roll! Nothing is dead in the water anymore. No pauses in between creations even. Of course we keep evolving for as long as we are traversing this planet. But the chapter of transitioning has been completed now, and a new ‘time’ has begun…is now slowly but surely taking off….a new chapter, or better a whole new book has now commenced…I would not even be surprised if some day soon my Love would all of a sudden show up on my doorstep. Anything’s possible now. The New has begun.

There is magic happening all around. As the whole event with my neighbour was transpiring, right after, our area was hit by a severe storm. Having experimented with that lately, I know I can in fact have an influence on violent outbreaks like that taking place, to simmer them down. On more then one occasion I simply ‘sent’ a thunderstorm away, or made it dissolve right there and then. But even if I don’t consciously influence the weather, I still have soothing influence on the weather. (This is why so many lightbearers worldwide are situated in areas that otherwise would be struck even harder by earthquakes and the likes. We are stabilising factors, and once many of us reunited with our Twin-Love our stabilising and harmonising influence/impact becomes even greater.) Where surrounding areas have ‘suffered’ serious damage and destruction, my surroundings are always magically and miraculously spared. Of course, this is not something I talk about, I just do it.

Of course, when one is deliberately careless with oneself and places oneself in harms way, then god respects the desire of the individual to experience whatever comes with that. The divine may, on occasion, when truly important, jump in to miraculously ‘save’ someone. But in general we are all subject to free will, and that choice is respected.

So I advise people not to go jump of a sky scraper just to test the divine and see how they might be miraculously caught & rescued. I would not recommend that to anyone. We are not there yet where we can simply make ourselves float down gently like a feather on the breeze, or teleport ourselves out of there. That time will come, but is not quite here just yet. I still wear a helmet when going skiing, and I still don’t like sitting in the car with someone that feels the need to squeeze into every little opening. Especially when the road is under construction. The cars have grown bigger over the years, but the lanes sure haven’t! It is simply common sense to take good care of oneself. This is our own responsibility.

Writing always greatly helps me make sense of things, putting words to my experiences, processing…And in the process the ones who read my texts also get served. So I decided to, for the very last time, put my experiences into an article and place it on my website for all to see.

I feel I don’t really have that much left to say on the topic, and I am aware I may have just been repeating myself over and over again in this article, maybe even coming about confused, or rambling on, jumping from subject to subject without much order or sense to it…and quite frankly…I don’t care :)

This feels like closure, as I have felt toward many things lately....I made it.

So….September is to commence in just a few days….fall equinox…and less tan 4 months to go until 12-21-12/21-12-12.

Wishing you trust, abundance, harmony, joy, love and peace.

Have FUN!

This is me signing off.

Love you all

Ilse

 published August 30th 2012


P.S., added September 3rd 2012: ....I never sensed this energy of 'endings' and 'stopping' as strongly as lately, 'like pulling the plug'....For me it's like a car stopping dead in its tracks, iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii....and then taking a different turn....There is just no way 'further' the way it was anyway...as I moved beyond bigtime. I came as far as I possibly could in these settings, and there is no 'further' here...Soon I will be closing the door behind me here for the very last time.

Old things are drawing to a definite end/close, new things are on the very cusp of beginning, about to take off in ernest. like M.J. stated right before moving on : "This is it!".

I think we're actually in another 'revolving door' situation as well....there's a 'sortation' going on....Many are currently leaving the planet (through 'death')....others are now waking up.....and others, like myself, might be moving on soon too, are on the verge of diving into something totally different....I also took a stand and made very clear where i am at now, what I am still willing to participate in, and what definitely not. I drew a clear line, like I was being asked to do.

Old roles coming to an end...new ones beginning.... October seems to be a set-point thingy for plenty of (drastic) change....it feels as though this is a huge big wave....all waking up as one so it seems...a huge huge wave....(it's about time too don't ya think?)...

I have such a strong and strange sense of no longer belonging here...of nothing fitting anymore....even at times as if I am only visiting and soon to leave for home....a slight feeling of underlying frustration to the unknown, not knowing when....an eagerness to know....impatience for being re-united....I don't even know who he is now, what he looks like, where he lives...he may even be in a relationship...what do i know right?

I feel like a stranger in my own skin....I get grumpy too....at the same time it's like I am not even totally here....as if part of me is already somewhere else...who knows where...part of me has already left....I guess the part that's still here is angry about that...or something or other....like the door closed and half of me was stuck in the doorway....attempting to pull through....

Anyways...my work here is done....I am so done...


The house across the street changing so rapidly somehow makes me feel like so is my new chapter....when the house is done, so are all the preparations for my new beginning arranged...


Like I am ready to jump off a cliff again....any moment now...a sense of underlying excitement...and frustration for it not happening right NOW! I wanna jump...I simply feel like jumping off that steep cliff right into the abyss....NOW


I deeply feel I outserved my purpose here...there is nothing more I can accomplish by being all by myself....nothing more to achieve in these settings....the next chapter is about him and me, our union....so I just wanna get on with it really.....

There is a gentle quiet sense of peaceful conclusion in the air, as it's September now, the bridge-month. Summer is slowly waving goodbye to make place for the restfull time of fall and winter. Season's changing, taking each others' place...Cycles completed, other beginning.

And so indeed...2012 is 'the end'...as well as the beginning....


P.S. Added September 12th 2012 
Last night, Sept. 11th. the humming in my head got really loud...it's always there to some extent, but whenever high frequencies are whirling in, it gets really loud...sometimes annoying, making me dizzy...my head buzzing....headaches....Usually it also brings about some frustration or 'stress'....This time the ego was yapping on, restless because of the stress (This is simply a natural occurence/side effect when energy vortices come whirling in)...yet these emotions don't get to my core, they don't touch my inner being....I may sense them on some level, and my personality may act accordingly yapping away, I actually don't feel/experience them...it simply cannot touch my inner being or something...Kind of weird...experiencing everything from a distance....The ego can yap on somewhere in the background, yadayadayada, I don't pay any attention to her, nor let her drag me off to where ever...

Then Spirit all of a sudden said:
"You don't need to DO or feel or experience any-thing with these energies, just let them pass on by.."

Right away ego went silent....as if some teacher had said 'be still!'....

That's kinda new....of course on some level one knows and does this already, before one kind of worked at it, letting go....being aware of what was going on and was being asked...But this time I could actually FEEL how I simply stepped back and took my distance....I simply opened my hands and dropped it....like a parade in the street I watched it all pass by without participating in any way....It was simply passing by, on its way to somewhere else, to those that are still susceptable to those energies and in need of balancing and transmuting.......

I felt such a deep and profound sense of power and freedom all of a sudden...I don't need/have to participate in anything anymore....not even in the ascension energies...I simply stepped back and let it all pass by...It had nothing to do with me anymore...those incoming energies will no doubt be strenuous for those who just started their process, or are halfway through.....but me...I no longer need to engage or participate...I am done....

Spirit always remains solid, streadfast, detached, calm and still...as she knows...(Like a kid (=ego) may worry about not getting a present for its birthday, whining away over it...Yet, in the background, mother (=Spirit) silently and secretively smiles, as she knows the present is already there, tucked away in her closet somewhere, to be taken out shortly...She knows there is no point, no reason for whining whatsoever, a mere waste of energy).

I feel everything's somehow on the verge of changing now, or has already changed, or is in the process of changing......I feel like I am being taken away from everything that was before; places, people, stuff...I feel cold constantly, on the move to elsewhere again, a deeper dimension...The 'past' and everything that goes with it feels ever farther away and less and less 'real'. Life stages passing before my inner eyes like the images of Jesus'  life (Christs' Passion) I saw in church as a child, distant occurences and memories, like paintings and carvings that have very little to do with me....as if I am being taken through a tunnel of ice, while I am relaxing.....I also feel like doing away with more material stuff, although there really isn't anything left to rid myself of...I gave away, sold and threw out everything already. All free and clear to go.

I removed all obstacles/contrast to love; spiritually, mentally and emotionally...the physical is now to follow. Wave upon wave of love comes rolling in, triggering no more contrasting release whatsover, they simply settle in calmth and neutrality. I now am all Love, synchronised with the incoming waves. The current physical expression of me is now to alter and synchronise.

I feel this time even my biological family may not be able to follow to where I am going next, they may not be tagging along this time as our purpose together may be outserved. The old not mixing with the new. My deep love and gratitude towards them will be expressed by occasional letters, photo's and cards keeping them posted about my life, from wherever I may be. This will be then a one way communication. Maybe we will again reconnect in some new way in times to come, and maybe we won't. Either way is fine. New places, people and stuff await me. I feel I am saying goodbye to much right now, the occasional releasing tear supports that notion. Even took photo's of my tree family here, and the magnificent surroundings that accompanied me here throughout all those years of transition. When leaving Holland 7 years ago I did the same thing, in honor and remembrance of what was.

My love and I are connected differently now...


My love also feels very distant...like a thing of the past, almost non-existant...I can't imagine anything about him coming back at all, as if he never even was....it's simply been too long, and all the doors to the past have been sealed shut behind me....This doesn't touch me at all either, it's all the same...He is not who he was before either...who he was (to me) back then has been blown away on the breeze...He will be all new to me, yet familliar and comfortable all the same.

Who we are to each other, and our 'purpose' together has now changed. Who/what I was to him has now changed, as what/who he was to me.now also differs. Our role towards one another is now different and new compared to way back then, before acending.
Just like I recovered and fused back together all the shattered, fragmented pieces of myself in a totally new way, into the healed me (like a Rubik's cube), I now connect totally different to myself, so he and I were taken apart and put back together again in a new way, as a balanced, healed couple/energy.

So it actually makes perfect sense that he now feels almost non-existing to me...as, in a way, he is. What was back then is now gone, and has made way for for something else, as of yet still new and unknown. The old us is no more
I guess that too is just another aspect of having reached masterhood...graduation....

NOTE on the 12-21-2012 or 21-12-'12 (=333, which is also 9, the number of completion) at 11:11, the winter solstice occurence, added Sept. 28, 2012:
For certain Twinflame couples this culmination event will be very significant. As I described on this website somewhere, about the divine counterparts and the 11:11, where the 11:11 (= 22, which is also 4, the number of pillars/foundations) reflects the masculine (=11) and femine (=11) balance, the mirror numbers 12:21 or and/or 21:12 reflect the twinflame energy, meaning the energy of those twinflame couples that are each others perfect polar opposite. The one is the others' perfect mirror reflection, filling in where the other one 'lacks', harmonising and balancing each other out.

Thus 12:21 or 21:12 (= 33, which is also 6, t
he number of physicality/hu-man), which is a higher expression of the 11:11 balance. These couples may now feel quite 'stressed' or pressured as the fields are pulling ever closer together towards the winter solstice at the end of this year, slowly merging the masculine and feminine. Like a zipper closing. I feel energetic shift after shift occuring, with very little time in between. Very quickly the waves go up and down, breathing in and out, squeezing and expanding, as the frequency speeds up ever more, bringing the male and female energies into one neutral line. Aligning.

All cosmic bodies will be aligning at neutral centre point on the winter solstice, be it energetic or physical. So do the twinflame energies, those are drawing ever closer together as well. They are in fact doing some pretty heavy lifting behind the scenes. The female (or women) parts doing the energetic/ spiritual work, the male parts (or men) doing the material/physical pulling together. (After all there is a reason for the female sex organs being situated on the interior of the body, while the male sex organs are situated on the exterior of the body). The women doing the spiritual (= the inner) healing, the men being responsible for bringing the twins physically back together
(=the outer), re-uniting. Fields merging. Gaps closing. Separation ending...and all that jazz :D

It's a question of Trust.

P.S. October 27th 2012: So far October has proven itself a month of change indeed. For weeks now I am savouring the gentleness and quiet peace of evening and night, staying out of the hectic day. Like dark blue velvet the nights' comforting cloak surrounds me, as in the warm womb of a nurturing comforting mother. Cocooning. I just love my fresh nighttime walks beneath the moon & stars, sheer magic. Looking up in sparkling space makes me feel home, infinite and free, to the point of dazzling dizziness. All this time I have been taken away from everything in the outer world, and loving every second of it.
I started a drawing of twinflame-union end of September already, as it was time to do so, yet am provided with only limited opportunity and energy to work on it. I add a little line or colour here and there whenever inner feeling steers me to do so. (The completion of this drawing may also mean the magical completion of this reunion-process.) Other than that, I mostly sleep during the days and watch dvd's during the night. I sleep a lot, my body feeling tired and heavy with relaxation and restful sleep. Showering, eating and the occasional drawing, it all takes place in the lovely still of night. Everything is being taken care of while I rest.
Let's see where this takes us then.


Oct. 30th 2012: I know I am way beyond the ascension story now....way beyond....Ascension and all that goes with it is something from the middle ages.....like everything else....Even the twin story is ancient and worn out....a drag basically.... Whenever the universe or my higher part sends me the old 'testing
' experiences I just yawn these days....boring.....I am aware of what it is for, aware at all times, been there, done that, bought the t-shirt....I do not need to test myself like that any longer. Sometimes I feel as if my whole being simply goes around energies like that....Like in a cartoon where the cartoon image simply is elastic and pulls his body in any direction so nothing can ever run into him.....Not evasive, but fluid, it all simply runs straight through or right by without ever even touching me....
I simply melt myself around the events...and they melt and form themselves around me....It all takes the shape I choose...

I have now simply integrated the new/old way of being to the utmost extent where I don't even need to switch to neutral, but simply stay neutral all the time....Bills don't bother me, people don't bother me, my own dreams and desires don't bother me, the outside world doesn't really interest me, they can do whatever they please, if they wish to shoot and torture, by all means, it is their free choice, if they wish to fear and panic, be ill, be miserable or rich or poor....if they wish to walk a higher path or stay where they are.....I feel nothing when seeing their self-inflicted and -chosen drama....Although I could go into compassion if I so choose...

I don't care much where this world is going really....Wherever is fine
  by me...Noise doesn't bother me....Nothing bothers me...What used to upset me is now dead...Whatever the outside world expects or desires is their business, I don't govern my reality acording to expectations or wants, I don't sculpt my life around what comes in from the outside, it adjusts to me...I neither reject nor support the outer world....It has all become neutral to me...I decide my own reality and feelings...I seem to have no interest in extending myself into anything....There isn't anything I miss or miss out on in the outer world...I do not go out there, I do not seek it....Not even via TV, which just spreads the same old energy of illusion, it bores......

I stepped through the mirror...everything is the other way around....

Here and now is fine whatever it is....Everything I need is right here right now....I have no routines left....No day is like the other....I sleep when tired, whether it's day or night...I wake whenever I wake, be it in the day or night....Any activities take place in the same manner...Each day is different with a different rythm and content...I don't plan ahead...I do whatever I feel like doing in each moment (which isn't much ), whatever the situation calls for....Nothing needs doing, not starting or finishing....I feel clean...I have become totally de-sensibilized from all those intense years of clearing....now I am as light as a feather....All that was is gone...

I am in the infinite new fresh clean pure space I described before....I want for no-thing....(This space feels just the way it felt when I was with my love...pure...fresh)...It is empty here, no movement, no soul, no sound, yet it feels full....It is zero-point-energy. The neutral centre of all. No (defining) energy of any kind to be noticed here, nothing determined. all free and clear. 0 being the all-encompassing void, empty, yet filled with infinite potential.


Yesterday I woke up with just a vague flare of unpleasantness....and where years ago I would have been dragged off and gone into drama, back then still carrying drama within that needed to leave on that wave, I now said 'fuck it!'....and bye bye to feeling yuk....I gave it no energy/thought at all but immediately released/detached myself from it....I drew some, went for a walk, showered and went into my bed with some food and a dvd, feeling all fuzzy and yummy again....I am very kind and loving with myself....and I spent so much time on this earth feeling miserable that I simply don't go there anymore, not even if it's just very vague....It is not me, it is just the energies the earth and humanity are working through now....So...I say shove it, I feel good, all the time....My choice to make....

Now that I am in that huge open undefined space, I see how the zero adds value to all the numbers that proceed it....Zero is the all encompassing void.....Where before the void felt uncomfortable, wanting to be doing something else then simply be where I was, I now just love the void.....I love the fact that there's nothing defined here, it's all blank and dark and still, peaceful and quiet, there is no time, no value placed on anything, no categories, plans or agendas or anything, no limits, laws and borders, all free...Neutral energy is what encompasses everything else, it is the space in between places......There is nothing I want for anymore, it is al there, always....There need not be any doing or desires filled in order to feel good. There is nothing I resist, I am all tamed and peaceful.....Nothing throws me off balance, totally 'de-sensitized', non-responsive, non-reactive....From now on there is no other space for me anymore....No matter where I may be at in my material surroundings, inside I will always be in the neutral void in between all....No more in- and out-breath, no more expansion and contraction of energies, no more contrast, but in the Neutral Space between breaths, where all is One...Free.....

I
am nothing...and everything....

I reached the end-point, the outer limits of what could be achieved in this
manner...switching over to yet a new track....I am fluid... Now I don't know what we are waiting for....but I am ready for something else.....new and totally different from anything I had before....from anything I know....It is as if this place I have lived in for over 6 years is far away already...although I am still in it...kinda....Last night I saw the snow canons switched on on the  mountains...They're getting ready for another skiing season and money making like they always do, though very very early this year as the temperatures suddenly dropped and snow fell already....Normally they don't start until mid or late november....It all feels totally surreal....The world out there feels totally surreal...As if I am not even in  it...It's like watching stuff from another time and realm....Like the ET's view to earth...And this is in fact true...

In the outside world I feel like a small child in a looooooooong church sermon, or speech......

I keep in touch with the twin as otherwise I would be drifting away,
..off and beyond the earth...There is simply so little reason to stay here anymore, having unravelled the whole ´mystery´ of life, it has kind of lost its enchantment and fascination, it no longer charms or intruiges ...The quest is over....

I am in the twin energy unity mostly now these days....The fields within have merged and it is all one pure clean whole now....Every now and then some vague stuff the earth and humanity is going through echoes through....but the fields never really separate anymore....It's only some physical pain whenever energetic shifts happen, and the occasional releasing tear.....and then it's simple purity again....lovely. I move from peaceful space to peaceful space with little in between now.

It truly is the time now He may come back...I am in the process of truly 'leaving'....He is the phyiscal weight or love anchor that keeps me on the earth....I even feel he may be rather quick about it too now....Oftentimes I feel I have left everything so far behind me, and have released and detached myself from so much on this earth and matter, that I am barely here anymore....not feeling any connection or relation to the world, hardly interacting with it either, except when it's fun...How is anyone to find me here? I do not seek the outside world, no...I feel fine and at peace in the silence alone....That is my gift to me...I need not be anywhere I don't choose or feel like....Where years ago, when the process started, I felt cheated out of a life, and wanted to be out there and participate, go places and do stuff...now all that 'want' has vanished....There isn't anything I want....There isn't anything I miss....Some new things I would like, as they would be fun....But no more 'want'....all the 'want' is gone....

Well in the new....So now...where and when to go from here....No one out there can be of support....as no one has been here before...no one knows....It's just me...

I reckon it will be like it was about 5 years ago....Just when, after 37 years, I had finally settled into a reality and world which was not my own, thinking that thát would be life then, that thát would be all there was, just when I had made my peace with it and was relatively comfortable....just then my whole world got turned upside down....It ends the way it began...

Yesterday I saw a 11:11, after a very long time with none...and instead of the numbers, it now appeared to me as a circle, spheric...multi-dimensional....One round whole....

Although physically heavy in the flesh, I feel I am evaporating....Nothing or no one's gonna be able to reach me anymore soon....Like a balloon floating ever higher up in the air....Someone's gonna have to grab the end of my string as long as it can still be grabbed and is still low enough to the ground.....or I will simply float away....far far away.....into the sky and white cloudy haze....I am fading...Like Avalon into the mist...

I reckon only love can keep me here...

And pssst....I will let you in on a little secret...although I am well aware how highly estimated the ascension experience is, throughout all worlds, and also among lightwarrior earthlings, as it is said to be a sacred journey that changes all-that-is for all time...this is not actually how it is...it is merely another illusion we created to ensure an experience...The illusion of change really makes no difference....The same cycle is being repeated over and over again, progression of time and space are illusionary...and the 'amount' of matter and anti-matter always remains the same...All frequency vibrations were already there. We are not actually creating anything new here...we are merely ensuring the re-start of the same cycle.
..at times she goes up, at times she goes down...Merely a wave, or breath...

Everything that was, is, and will be, was always already there...


December 1st 2012:  Graduates feel no need to attempt to explain and analyse everything with their mental minds, put numbers (like DNA-strands), names, schedules and categories/labels on anything, they do not box it all (energy) in, nor trust in other (channelled) beings, but will simply feel for and all by themselves....They don’t need explanations nor guidance from other (‘off-planet’) being(s). No matter what name or title one ascribes a channelled entity, it is still merely an energy which is part of you; it cannot come in unless it is called by you, conscious- or subconsciously, and meets your way of being/vibration/need. It is your creation all the way.

One needs not ‘channel’ in order to hear gods’ voice. The voice of the divinity in you is always best heard pure, without any ‘interference’ from any kind of hailed & named/defined entity. We are all by nature channels for the divine. One needs not hide behind exotic names and titles; one needs not identify with ‘it’ or connect to oneself that way, as it can also brick up and lock in/out all other energies, so nothing else can come in anymore. One can simply be oneself, open and free. Yet, of course, it all serves its purpose, everything’s always in perfect divine order. No judgment there.

The true graduate has become totally undefined....Its energy is not contained or hindered by numbers, labels, worlds, dimensions or categories....He/she is everything......unlimited....Not having 13 or whatever strands of DNA...but having unlimited strands....as many as needed/it takes, whenever they’re needed....In fact...He/she is not even hindered nor confined by any strands of DNA or any definitions or dimensions, be it 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th 10th, 100, 1000.000 or whatever...at all....

When I see my energy I see it multidimensional...all over the place, spherical, all the shimmering colours & lights...swirling, twisting and turning all over…reaching indefinitely....I feel like endless space...the infinite universe....All those analyses and definitions are......bizarre....to me.....Old...and out served.....

These last weeks I just neeeded to create...My being didn’t let me sleep as much anymore, it rattled me outta bed in the mornings just to go, get up and create.....For a while, like a week or so ago, I slept only few hours, was pleasantly dead tired very early again, then went to bed early, woke up early again and started handcrafting.....I was urged to embrace the day again, and ‘active’ creation, after the restful transition of the last few months -I basically was off-planet part of September, all of October and most of November-, and so I did…reluctantly and with hesitation I must say. I enjoyed the private rest, peace, night and stars. Now it has all balanced out again. (For starters, I made little treasure chests/troves out of cardboard for my ethereal oils and incenses.....I decorated them with left over fabrics and fake gemstones and stuff....Now my scents have their own pretty space :)...Those little chests look like something straight from 1001 magical Arabian nights :D)

Sometimes I feel as bursting out of my own skin!

And I feel, still, that everything’s now ending, stopping , recalibrating, and turning. One huge whirl stream. This is (almost) point Zero…Everything ends here, the doors to the past now close, and the direction of the currents are changing, turning. The old is being sucked in, the new breathed out. This is the moment between breaths. Like a clock that slows down, and breaks (at 12.12.12), (as all the required high frequencies will then be in place, and all 4 quarters and 12 parts of the 'clock' or timelock click into rightful position)), stops for 9 days, and then starts running backwards (on the solstice 12.21.12 at 11:11 h. or 12:12 h. (depending on where you are in the world) or 21.12.2012 (which is also an 11 btw.)).

If ever there was a perfect time for the so called  significant twin-couples' to be reunited, then this would definitely be it! (meaning those who were specifically assigned to this task/moment. There will be many more balanced couples rejoined in (long) times thereafter).

I can almost hear the creeking and screetching of the cosmic wheels as they slowly reach the still point, the complete standstill, change their spin, and change cycles. Opening doors that were closed for millenia, as portals align again. The sand hour glass is all but empty, and now will be turned. Right side up, inside out. The sands of time will now flow differently...To the graduates, no time at all. They reached zero point neutrality/energy and became the neutral, peaceful, still, undefined space in between places in themselves, being the void...An example for all who are ready, able and willing to follow.

Where in old days past, being empty & detached was judged a most undesirable way to be, as it is feminine, and the masculine needed to always be doing, pushing and striving, now the neutral space is what it takes to enter the New Kingdom of God, and create matter in the new world, where male and female are once again ONE. Feminine and masculine harmony (11) restored. What is the year 2013 for the old world, will be and will always remain the year zero for graduates. From there on, all years (which were never progression of 'time', but merely the same one cycle repeating itself over and over again) will be year zero. Jesus/Christhood was the 13th 'disciple', the centre or mid-point of the 12, being neutral love, or zero point (and of course Mary being his 'twin' or female half, they count as one being or 11). Need I say more? 

Since all is one, and the above reflects the below, and the within is as the without....The graduates, who restored the 11:11 harmony, or  4 quarters/cross, within themselves, meaning the East (feminine) to the West (masculine) or left to right, making one 11, and the North (fem.) to the South (masc.) or above to below, making another 11, have in the process, also completed this task for the Earth (since within is as without). The cross with the 4 quarters (as also in 12 years, from 2001 until 2012), 11:11, or tree of life of the Earth, has now been restored. The energetic web of lines, or grid , which hold(s) together the Earth, has now been cleared, balanced and once again shines brightly, put back into purity & full splendor. Jesus' symbolic death on the cross (=merely meaning the Earth experience, he did not actually die the way as described in the bible), while all the wile keeping his faith/trust tells the tale the 1st light warriors took. They paved the path for anryone who chooses to follow in their foot steps...

The last, or rather first 12 years of the new millennium are like 12 hours on a clock. One cycle containing 4 quarters (each quarter representing a 1), carrying the middle cross.  

(4 being the number of foundations, as in the 4 elements earth, water, air and fire, and also 4 seasons etc. Water/North is the material (masculine) feminine, air/East the ethereal (feminine) feminine). Fire/South is the ethereal/immaterial or feminine masculine, and Earth/West the material masculine masculine. As in Yin Yang, the mayan Hunab Ku, and many crop circle expressions which also speak of this exact principle. The quarters stand to each other as 11:11, mirroring each other. A 1 in each quarter. Drawing this on a human body (and also on the Earth. Cosmos, etc) interdimensionally, results in the star of David, or rather the so called Mer-ka-bah. I am not much for definitions and names like that, but I was asked, or rather urged, to share all this anyway I wrote about this stuff somewhere on my website, I think under ‘the 11:11’ and ‘Twins and the 11:11’ etc..)

As goes the Human, so goes the Earth…and so goes the Cosmos….as she also carries the cross. It’s like a huge echo resonating through everything. I now see the way an autistic (or rather multidimensional) being sees. I see dimensions everywhere, energies/wheels that are spinning and turning, like hands fitting and falling into each other, and then letting go again, and rolling on…like waves, and tides…the heart and blood pumping…and breathing. I now understand the autistic boy I taught 4 days of private skiing lessons to some years ago, gave me a huge gift, sharing some of his high vibe with me. I did not get it then, all I felt/experienced back than was a deep and instant love and warmth for this child, like I never had before.

When the clocks strikes 12.....all energy is whole again. The loud and pounding echo of the bell will resonate with intensity all through creation!

The world of matter will follow....all will change.

Also...'Archangel' Michaels' sword is the symbolic cross, which stands for worlds of the 11:11, of which Earth is one. The worlds of spiritual emergence/physical transmutation.

The rest I leave to your own imagination/interpretation.

My friend from America, who I have been corresponding with for many years now, told me about her daughter’s spontaneous awakening last summer. And a few weeks back her son was in a serious accident, got into a coma, and is now waking up and recovering, mentioning 1.000.000 places he went to when he was out and off-planet. He too made a total turnaround. Right in the nick of time, on the very threshold, people are being urged and thrust into the new. Developments/awakenings now are quick and intense. We are taking with us, in the arc of love and harmony, to the other side, as many souls as we possibly can. I am glad she gets to go into the new with both her kids.

Amen.