Christmassacre! The all-time best rock and roll Christmas carols

Holidazed-and-confused compilations of Christmas rock, pop, punk and soul

feature only a few Xmas tunes worthy of hearing more than once a year,

if even once in a lifetime.

Well, here's Christmassacre!

A list of those

'Tis-the-seasonal songs
Arranged alphabetically

by performer.

And here's a Spotify link:


Happy Hanukkah, Advent,

Saturnalia, Festivus,

Boxing Day, New Year

and related winterlands

(song suggestions encouraged).

drclueful (hat) hotmail (tot) com-all-yetc

AC/DC - Mistress for Christmas
All snug in their hotel-room bed, I'm sure.

Alice Cooper - Santa Claus Is Coming to Town
Spelled "c-l-a-w-s."

Arab Strap - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
Infinitely preferable to the Mariah Carey and U2 versions of the Darlene Love classic.

Arrogant Worms - Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass
Nice is not an option this year.

Bangles - Hazy Shade of Winter
Supercharged skatepunk Simon & Garfunkel.

Beach Boys - Little Saint Nick
Candy-apple red with a ski for a wheel.

Big Star - Jesus Christ
Alex Chilton gets spiritual about someone other than himself.

Blink 182 - It's Christmas Time Again
Pretty jaded for a band that probably still believes in Santa.

Bob Dylan - Must Be Santa
Pretty hilarious for the legend behind Saved, Infidels and Slow Train Coming, but the mere
thought of
a Nobel laureate singing "ho ho ho" is almost as decadent as Rob Halford's
Winter Songs, in which the
homosexual vocalist for Judas Priest proclaims his devotion
to Jesus.

Both - Jesus Claus, Santa Christ
Aimee Mann and Ted Leo merge Easter with Xmas via a fab "Superstar" rev.

Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band - Santa Claus Is Coming to Town
A throwaway live B-side that clones Phil Spector's arrangement becomes the "Free Bird"
of December.

Carlene Carter - Rockin' Little Christmas
When not strung out on heroin, Nick Lowe's ex puts the cunt back into country better than
anyone this side of Neko Case.

Cheap Trick - Christmas Christmas
A great new song on a rockin' album of classic Xmas covers.

Cocteau Twins - Frosty the Snowman
Melt-on-your-lawn gorgeous.

Collective Soul - Blue Christmas
Just barely edging out Joe Perry's instrumental version.

Critics - She Feels Like Christmas Day
Powerpop passion under the mistletoe.

Cucumbers - Auld Lang Syne
New York's answer to X waxes eloquent on the last day of the year.

Dickies - Silent Night
All is definitely not calm.

Dismemberment Plan - The Ice of Boston
For everyone who's ever been alone on New Year's Eve.

Dread Zeppelin - All I Want for Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)
A marvelously merry moment that mashes "How Many More Times" and "Viva Las

Dropkick Murphys - The Season's Upon Us
Irish family dysfunctions like tossing snowballs at carolers and drinking whiskey with
the miserable dog

Eels - Christmas Is Going to the Dogs
Stop barking at the roof already.

Eels - Everything's Going To Be Cool This Christmas
'Tis the season to be optimistic.

Elton John - Step into Christmas
Watch out for those reindeer droppings!

El Vez - Feliz Navidad
José Feliciano meets Public Image.

Elvis Presley - Santa Claus Is Back in Town
In a big Cadillac, of course. Still the reigning king of Christmas, among other lesser

Everclear - Hating You for Christmas
A very loud lump of coal.

Fear - Fuck Christmas
Short and sweet, just like Lee Ving's acting career.

Fishbone - It's a Wonderful Life (Gonna Have a Good Time)
L.A.'s fave funkateers pay a visit to Bedford Falls.

Flaming Lips - Christmas at the Zoo
Also serves as a four-word career overview.

Fleming and John - Winter Wonderland
Sung to Led Zeppelin's "Misty Mountain Hop." Seriously. And brilliantly.

Fleshtones - Six White Boomers
With lead guitar from the Dictators' Ross the Boss.

Fountains of Wayne - I Want an Alien for Christmas
Doesn't everyone?

Fountains of Wayne - Man in the Santa Suit
And all the kids think he looks like Jerry Garcia.

Gary Glitter - Another Rock and Roll Christmas
Glitter critter / pedophile makes parents nervous when their kids plop down on his lap.

Gary Hoey - Linus and Lucy
His Ho! Ho! Hoey! compilations admirably update the Ventures' instrumental-as-anything
approach, but this Vince Guaraldi
Charlie Brown classic is my favorite Christmas crank
(also nicely covered by Built to Spill, Game Theory and the Asylum Street Spankers).

George Harrison - Ding Dong, Ding Dong
Much better than Paul's, not quite as good as John's, and less cloying than Ringo's . . .
sounds like his career in a nutshell.

George Thorogood & the Destroyers - Rock and Roll Christmas
Heroically reverent to a fault, but nothing sounds better when you find yourself in a bar
on December 24th.

Graham Parker (with Nona Hendryx) - Soul Christmas
Not exactly Graham's usual turf, but he manages to duel delightfully with a bonafide diva.

Grateful Dead - Run Rudolph Run
A Pigpen effort from 1971, and Jerry's solo band did "Jingle Bells."

Greedies - A Merry Jingle
Members of the Sex Pistols and Thin Lizzy try to edge Slade and Wizzard off December
radio playlists in the U.K.

Greg Lake - I Believe in Father Christmas

Hanoi Rocks - Dead by Xmas
Sounding strangely more like Sparks than their usual Mötley Cruising.

Hello - Santa Rock
He most certainly do.

Henry Rollins - Twas the Night Before Christmas
Ah, nothing like anti-aircraft guns and sirens to soundtrack the season.

Idea - It's About That Time
Jingle all the way.

James Brown - Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto
The caped crusader sets the fat guy's priorities straight.

Jill Sobule - Merry Christmas from the Family
Been there, done that, barfed the fruitcake.

Joan Jett and the Blackhearts - Little Drummer Boy
Gotta love the Keith Moon homage in the middle.

John & Yoko / Plastic Ono Band with the Harlem Community Choir - Happy Xmas (War Is Over)
Not this year, but all the more reason to keep overplaying it.

Johnny Winter - Please Come Home for Christmas
Given his name and albino heritage, he obviously belongs here.

Jorma Kaukonen - Christmas Blues
Jorma Kaukonen - Christmas Rule
Maybe it's the mistletoe, opines Mr. Hot Tuna.

Judith Owen - Christmas with the Devil
A jazzy rendition of the
Spın̈al Tap classic.

Keith Richards - Run Rudolph Run
Has he ever sung better? Trumps every Beatles fan-club disk with a single single.

King Diamond - No Presents for Christmas
Metallica's favorite inspiration cranks it to 11.

Kinks - Father Christmas
Arch late-period gem reflecting on the greater greed.

Korn - The Night Before Christmas
How the grunge stole Christmas.

Lita Ford and Cherie Currie - Rock This Christmas Down
Runaways gone mild, but still cranking it great in the 21st century.

Lou Reed - Xmas in February
Typically perverse and perfect.

Loud Family - It Just Wouldn't Be Christmas
Guess we'd be nothing without it, Scott Miller whines.

Manic Street Preachers - Last Christmas
Wham! gets stuffed into the acoustic stocking.

Material Issue - Merry Christmas Will Do
Another year, another girlfriend . . . and I desperately wanted the stingray bike on
the cover of Destination Universe.

Matthew Sweet - Baby Jesus
Plus twinkly guitar skronk from Robert Quine.

Mojo Nixon - Christmas, Christmas
"Louie, Louie" gets the icicles-in-your-bush treatment.

Mojochronic - Yuletide Zeppelin
"Heirloom glockenspiel" is my new favorite instrument. "Over the Hills and Far Away in
a Manger" opens the second version.

Mott the Hoople - Death May Be Your Santa Claus
For those of you who always laugh.

MXPX - Christmas Day
Meanwhile, on the Island of Misfit Toys . . .

No Doubt - Oi to the World
Skanta runs over the reindeer.

Pansy Division - Homo Christmas
Don we now our gay apparel.

Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmas Time
Like most of his catalog, he's just so damned cheerful, you can't resist.

Paul Westerberg - Away in a Manger
"Take us to hell" salvages this weirdness beautifully.

Pennywise - Christmas in Hell
Self explanatory, if not self referential.

Pogues with Kirsty MacColl - Fairytale of New York
Shane gets drunk and nostalgic . . . what else is new?

Pretenders - 2000 Miles
Another lonely Christmas for Chrissie . . . hey, wait a sec, that would make a great song
title . . . hmmm . . .

Prince and the Revolution - Another Lonely Christmas
Everyone's favorite three-eyed elf feels sorry for himself.

Queen - Thank God It's Christmas
Overwrought, but that's like calling Harvey Weinstein an asshole. Also noted: "Jesus," and
drummer Roger Taylor's "Magic Is Loose."

Ramones - Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight)
I still miss Joey's Christmas shows with Ronnie Spector.

Rattles - Sam the Snowman
It's not always advisable to carry on conversations with one, though.

Rebel Pebbles - Cool Yule
Not the Louis Armstrong classic . . . more like Bangles wannabes ask Santa for shoes (and
shoes) (and shoes) (and shoes!)

Redd Kross - Gnarly X-mas

Redd Kross - Super Sunny Christmas
As could be expected from a band from L.A.

Ride - Like a Snowflake
Noisypop Noël.

Ringo Starr - Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
He's got the perfect commoner lilt for this cartoon classic.

Rocket from the Crypt - Cancel Christmas
And what would we do with all those poor pine trees?

Rolling Stones - Winter
Mick Jagger wraps his coat around her like Van Morrison in this Mick Taylor gem from their
heroin phase.

Roy Wood and Wizzard - I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday
Cheerful bombast from the man wise enough to quit ELO.

Saint Etienne - I Was Born on Christmas Day
Usually a bummer for anyone except the hippie dude with the sandals.

Shoes - This Christmas
More synthpop than their usual guitar whirl, but definitely worth a twirl.

Shonen Knife - Space Christmas
Like everything they do, one suspects these Japanese girls have no idea what they're
singing about.

Siouxsie and the Banshees - Il Est Né Le Divin Enfant
All those bloody bells are rather goth, aren't they?

Slade - Merry Xmas Everybody
Santa gets sleighed.

Sonics - Don't Believe in Christmas
Because garages don't have chimneys.

Soul Coughing - Suzy Snowflake

Soundtrack of Our Lives - Jingle Hell (Stuck in the Chimney)
Thrashing, crashing and mashing the season.

Southern Culture on the Skids - Merry Christmas, Baby
Stirring a few creatures in the swamp.

Spın̈al Tap - Christmas with the Devil
Santa = Satan spelled sideways.

Stevie Wonder - The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)
From the lamentably lame Motown Christmas collection, but he's certainly got the voice
to do Mel Tormé proud.

Stratocruiser - Presents
My favorite album cover of the season.

Sugarcubes - Christmas Eve
Hey, it's always winter in Iceland.

Sun-60 - Mary Xmess
Maybe she could co-star in a Christmas porn feature with Suzy Snowflake.

Ted Nugent - Deck the Halls
Guitarzan goofiness from the occasionally inspired Axemas collection of wanky carol

Tina Turner - Merry Christmas Baby
Feeling mighty fine in piano-pounding perfection.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Christmas All Over Again
I could use a new Rickenbacker myself.

Tori Amos - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Thus commandeth the pianorgasmatron, who extends her posture-collar caroling with
Midwinter Graces.

Ventures - Sleigh Ride
Their surf-infused Christmas covers are the perfect instrumental soundtrack for opening

Villancicos - White Christmas
But think of the traffic hassles.

Waitresses - Christmas Wrapping
Oh, damn, guess what I forgot...

Wall of Voodoo - Shouldn't Have Given Him a Gun for Christmas
Unless he promises to aim it at anyone who plays
Xmas efforts by Billy Idol or Twisted Sister.

Weezer - The Christmas Song
Here's hoping someone gives Rivers a list of better song titles this year.

White Stripes - Candy Cane Children
Jack and Meg get literal.

Who - Christmas
Try the Live at Leeds / Hull / Canada or acoustic demo versions to avoid those annoying "la la la"
Whoville background voices.

X - Jingle Bells
X - Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

No one better than John and Exene to put the ex back into Xmas.

XTC - Thanks for Christmas
The Mayor of Simpleton runs for office in the North Pole.

Yes - Run with the Fox
Chris Squire sings lead on a B-side that's more in keeping with their Buggles period than

Yo La Tengo (featuring Ira Glass and Eugene Mirman) - Toymageddon
Toys come alive in a nice rocker that's naughty forever.

Zebrahead - I Hate Christmas
Obviously, you don't, if you've read this far.

Best (rock) Christmas albums

Phil Spector - A Christmas Gift For You
All those glockenspiel overdubs pay off with impeccable performances by his stable of
stars (Ronettes, Darlene Love, etc.).

The Ventures' Christmas Album
All instrumentals. All guitar. All great. Surf music for the modern age that's cool in every
sense of the word.

Beach Boys - Christmas with the Beach Boys
An upgraded version of their Christmas Album from 1964.

The sources of many of the aforementioned songs, plus outstanding original Christmas
ditties by your alternative favorites.


Mojo Nixon and the Toadliquors - Horny Holidays
Funnier and dirtier than Bob Rivers, it starts with "Happy Birthday" to Jesus and gets
better/worse from there.


For a ridiculously comprehensive catalog of every Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, winter
solstice and related holiday rock and roll (plus blues, soul, rap, reggae, tropical and novelty)
album ever released, be sure to visit Mistletunes.

Hip Christmas boasts a comprehensive collection of holiday music that rocks, rolls, swings
and twangs, plus great downloads.

And here's the Spotify link again: Christmassacre.

Want to play some of these Christmas rock tunes on your guitar?

Scope out my Xmas tabs (scroll down to the bottom of the linked page).

Correspondence: drclueful (hat) hotmail (tot) com-all-yetc...