Thinking Inside the *Fruit* Box

If you haven’t noticed, many people don’t really care for eating their own fruit. Up until the commencement of the fruit box, we saw that as an absolute atrocity worthy of eternal condemnation.

Now that we have that darling old fruit box, however, those of us who noticed your egregious ways urge you to slip further into your abyss of unhealthiness and generally poor life choices.

The fruit box is a godsend to us all because it allows anyone who doesn’t enjoy his or her fruit from lunch to toss it in the said fruit box. Then, anyone in pursuit of a lunchtime they won’t forget can stroll on over to the divine box and reap the benefits it offers, including peer approval of your sophisticated eating habits, as well as a sharper mind (we know those Cheez-its make you groggy for 6th).

What’s it gonna be, fruit haters? A guilty trip to the trash can with an unpeeled banana on your tray, as you replay that morning over and over in your head when you promised your mom you’d eat your fruit at lunchtime? Or will it be that same unpeeled banana making its way to the fruit box in the hands of a slightly less guilty individual who knows he still lied to his mom but at least finds reassurance in that it’s for the benefit of someone else? It’s your call.

So, drop on by to your local Central fruit box. Or don’t. That just means more for us.