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Husband and Wife

The Joys, Sorrows and Glories of Married Life
By the late Father Paul A. Wickens

“With three things my spirit is pleased, which are approved before God and men: The concord of brethren, and the love of neighbors, and man and wife that agree well together.” —Ecclesiasticus 25:1-2

“And God created man to his own image: to the image of God he created him: male and female he created them. And God blessed them, saying: Increase and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it.” —Genesis 1:27-28

“Have you not read, that he who made man from the beginning, made them male and female? And he said: For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall be in one flesh.” —Matthew 19:4-5

THE NUPTIAL BLESSING
May the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob be with you, and may He fulfill His blessing in you: that you may see your children’s children even to the third and fourth generation, and thereafter may you have life everlasting, by the grace of Our Lord Jesus Christ, who with the Father and the Holy Ghost liveth and reigneth, God forever and ever. Amen. —From the Nuptial Mass of the Traditional Roman Liturgy

PUBLISHER’S PREFACE
The title, or even the subtitle, of this book might well be The Catholic View of Marriage because, in a capsule form, that is what the book is about. Yes, “The Catholic View of Marriage,” for certainly the Catholic Church has a number of fundamental and far-reaching teachings on the nature and purpose of marriage, the role of husband and wife within a Catholic marriage and the place of the children—such that Catholic marriage, properly practiced, differs in a number of ways from the practices current in non-sacramental marriages and even from those of marriages between baptized non-Catholic Christians. The duties and obligations of each spouse toward the other within a Catholic marriage, the marital morality they must observe, the proper relationship of the woman to the man regarding headship within the marriage, the responsibility of that headship on the man, the need for the woman to be primarily homemaker and mother, the understood indissolubility of marriage—all these Catholic norms (and others) only help to promote true harmony and increased love between the spouses and a sense of security for the children. In effect, these Catholic norms help produce happy marriages. Scores of Catholic books on marriage have been written in the last 75 years, proving that Catholic marriage is indeed a fertile subject for Catholic writers. And of all such books that I know about, the most telling title ever given any of them was Why Catholic Marriage Is Different. That was probably far from the best book on Catholic marriage, but it probably had the best title by far, because in those five simple words it announces to the reader that Catholic marriage is indeed different from non-Catholic marriage. And Fr. Paul Wickens’ excellent little book, Husband and Wife, will amply show the reader why. In brief, why? Because, in brief, Catholic marriage is illuminated by the Divine Revelation of Jesus Christ, the God-Man, who came to “give testimony to the truth.” (John 18:37). Man can discern with his unaided reason the principal lineaments of marriage, but Original Sin and his own personal sins help blind him to the exact truth about marriage and help weaken his will to accept that truth, even when he sees it clearly. But with Divine Revelation shedding its light upon the institution of marriage, “everyone that is of the truth” (John 18:37) and willing to accept God’s word will see marriage for what it truly is and what it is truly supposed to be. Catholic marriage, in short, is based upon true principles laid down by Almighty God. And if man will but follow and adhere to these principles, then marriages will be happy, harmonious, fruitful in graces and in children, and will promote the eternal salvation of the spouses and their children and foster the well-being of the Church and of society. In reading this book, therefore, one should rid his mind of all secular notions of marriage and open it to the divine truth regarding this God-given institution in which the majority of human beings are called to work out their salvation.

Thomas A. Nelson
February 27, 1999
St. Gabriel of The Sorrowful Mother

Strangers in Many Ways
At wedding receptions one often hears a song originally recorded by “The Carpenters” entitled “For All We Know”:

Love, look at the two of us,
Strangers in many ways.
Let’s take a lifetime to say,
“I knew you well . . .”

Yes! Most couples at the time of their marriage are still actually “strangers in many ways.” But they need not worry! By God’s grace, they will grow together in love, understanding and holiness. The purpose of this small book is to help married people understand each other better, to help them with some of the common problems most couples encounter in marriage. It is not intended to be complete, by any means, but it is at least a “good start” to arriving at an understanding of each other and of the state of life they have entered into, what its purpose is and how God expects them to work out their eternal salvation within its realm. The information and advice contained in this book are really the product of many priests, many counselors and many married couples. Over a period of thirty-five years, especially through the outlines given to us at (pre-Vatican II) Cana Conferences, we were able to accumulate copious notes on various aspects of the state of marriage, and consequently we are able to pass along the accumulated wisdom of many people on this complex but so very important subject. Our heartfelt thanks go out to those wonderful Catholic people—some of them now deceased—who through their ideas and advice made this little book possible.

Fr. Paul A. Wickens
June 13, 1992
Feast of St. Anthony of Padua