Autobiography
 

In 1843, I got in a knife fight with a grizzly bear. Apparently he thought I fucked his wife, which I did, but that's beside the point. The point is that I had a bigger knife and I stabbed him repeatedly in the eyeball and the groin. Needless to say, I lost the fight. But as Winston Churchill once said, "If you've never stabbed a grizzly bear, then you don't deserve to have threesomes with hot underage girls".

I once organized an orgy for Emperor Augustus.


True story. Google it.