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Bob's Big List of Disclaimers

I believe this is the largest list of disclaimers and silly product instructions on the internet. If you have a nice example that does not appear here, let me know by using the response form at the bottom of the page.  So, here they are, numbered for your amazement, but ordered alphabetically:
  1. A registered trademark.
  2. A reheated plastic tray can warp or melt...reheating of tray is not recommended.
  3. Above terms subject to change without notice.
  4. Access hole only: not intended for use in lifting box.
  5. Access to this email by anyone else is unauthorized.
  6. Action figures sold separately.
  7. Actor portrayal.
  8. Actress, not a real photographer.
  9. Actual crash results may vary.
  10. Actual price set by retailers.
  11. Add ice for cold drink.
  12. Add toner.
  13. Adults only.
  14. All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for.
  15. All federal, state and local income and other taxes are solely the responsibility of the winner.
  16. All major credit cards accepted.
  17. All materials copyrighted.
  18. All models are over 18 years of age.
  19. All orders subject to review.
  20. All research statistics are blatantly flagrant.
  21. All rights reserved.
  22. All sales final.
  23. Allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery.
  24. Alternate toy available for children under 3.
  25. Always drive on roads, not on people.
  26. Always replace sleeve before discarding any computer disk.
  27. Always wear your seatbelt.
  28. A.M. stands for morning.
  29. American Animal Humane Society: Safe for use around pets.
  30. An account with your favorite internet service provider is required to access this site.
  31. An equal opportunity employer.
  32. Any other application constitutes fraud.
  33. Any reproduction, retransmission or rebroadcast without the expressed, written consent of Major League Baseball is strictly prohibited.
  34. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental.
  35. Applicable taxes will be remitted.
  36. Apply brake before shifting.
  37. Apply only to affected area.
  38. Apply to infested area.
  39. Approved for veterans.
  40. Article is provided "as is" without any warranties.
  41. Articles are ribbed for your pleasure.
  42. As seen on TV.
  43. Assembled in the United States from U.S. and Japanese components.
  44. At participating locations only.
  45. Attendant does not have combination to safe.
  46. Avoid alcoholic beverages while using this product.
  47. Avoid contact with eyes and food.
  48. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes.
  49. Avoid contact with mucous membranes.
  50. Avoid contact with skin.
  51. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place.
  52. Avoid improper microwave use. 
  53. Avoid magnetic fields.
  54. Avoid prolonged exposure to ultraviolet light.
  55. Avoid prolonged or repeated contact with skin.
  56. Batteries included.
  57. Batteries not included.
  58. Battery may explode or leak.
  59. Be sure each item is properly endorsed.
  60. Because some jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion or limitation of liability for consequential or incidental damages, the above limitations may not apply to you.
  61. Beware of Akita dog.
  62. Beware of dog.
  63. BHT added to preserve freshness.
  64. Booths for two or more.
  65. Break glass in case of emergency.
  66. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of this agreement.
  67. Breaking this seal voids your warranty.
  68. Bridge freezes before highway.
  69. Buckle Up, America!
  70. By continuing to use this system you indicate your awareness of and consent to these terms and conditions of use.
  71. By using this system, the user consents to such interception, monitoring, recording, copying, auditing, inspection, and disclosure at the discretion of authorized site personnel.
  72. Cab driver approval is required for fares to either Newark International Airport or JFK International Airport. Full fare must be paid in addition to roundtrip bridge and tunnel fares.
  73. Call before you dig.
  74. Call toll free number before digging.
  75. Calorie measurements are estimates only - Individual weight loss may vary.
  76. Cannot be made non-poisonous.
  77. Caution: Do not read while operating a motor vehicle, watercraft, or aircraft.
  78. Caution: Filling is hot.
  79. Caution: Hot coffee is hot.
  80. Caution: May cause drowsiness, nausea, dizziness, or blurred vision.
  81. Caveat emptor.
  82. Check here if tax deductible.
  83. Childproof bottle.
  84. Children may be killed.
  85. Children should be supervised.
  86. Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball.
  87. Close cover before striking.
  88. Colors may, in time, fade.
  89. Computer generated driving conditions.
  90. Connect ground wire to avoid shock.
  91. Consult your physician before use.
  92. Consult your physician if fever persists for more than 3 days of if pain continues for more than 5 days.
  93. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients.
  94. Contains phenylalanine.
  95. Contains razor and blade. Not intended for children.
  96. Contents Hot!
  97. Contents may be hot!
  98. Contents may settle during shipment.
  99. Contents of overhead bins may have shifted in flight.
  100. Contents sold by weight, not volume.
  101. Contents under pressure.
  102. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.
  103. Cook throroughly.
  104. Cooking two packages in microwave is not recommended.
  105. Credit will be extended to those persons born before 1901, as long as they are accompanied by their parents.
  106. Current at time of printing.
  107. Danger: harmful or fatal if swallowed.
  108. Dealer prep extra.
  109. Demonstration by professional drivers on a closed course - please do not attempt.
  110. Desiccant Pack - Do Not Eat.
  111. Details inside.
  112. Discontinue use if rash develops.
  113. Discounts cannot be combined.
  114. Do not add toner.
  115. Do not agitate or invert can while using.
  116. Do not attempt to put in pants.
  117. Do not attempt to ride a freight train.
  118. Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand.
  119. Do not attempt.
  120. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle.
  121. Do not bleach.
  122. Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up.
  123. Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers.
  124. Do not disturb.
  125. Do not drive car or operate machinery.
  126. Do not drive car with sun shield in place.
  127. Do not drive cars in ocean.
  128. Do not drive in fields.
  129. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery while using this product.
  130. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery. [on bottle of children's cough syrup]
  131. Do not drive with ball stuck on head.
  132. Do not drop.
  133. Do not eat the urinal cakes.
  134. Do not eat toner.
  135. Do not eat.
  136. Do not eat frozen pizza.
  137. Do not ejaculate on or around.
  138. Do not expose to flame.
  139. Do not expose to heat or flame.
  140. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate.
  141. Do not give to children under 8 years of age.
  142. Do not immerse.
  143. Do not induce vomiting (unless you want to...)
  144. Do not ingest.
  145. Do not inhale vapors.
  146. Do not iron clothes while wearing.
  147. Do not leave unattended.
  148. Do not light in face.
  149. Do not look at laser beam with remaining eye.
  150. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source.
  151. Do not pour coffee toward people.
  152. Do not prepare in a toaster oven.
  153. Do not puncture or incinerate.
  154. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit.
  155. Do not put in mouth.
  156. Do not put lit candles on phone.
  157. Do not put top in mouth.
  158. Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use.
  159. Do not recharge.
  160. Do not remain in enclosed areas after use.
  161. Do not remove protective covering.
  162. Do not remove tag.
  163. Do not remove tag under penalty of federal law.
  164. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law.
  165. Do not remove this label.
  166. Do not reuse empty container.
  167. Do not sit under coconut trees.
  168. Do not spray in eyes.
  169. Do not stamp.
  170. Do not stand behind this weapon.
  171. Do not stand on top rung.
  172. Do not step.
  173. Do not try this at home.
  174. Do not turn upside down.
  175. Do not use as ear plugs.
  176. Do not use at temperatures under 43 degrees.
  177. Do not use for drying pets.
  178. Do not use house paint on face.
  179. Do not use if seal is broken.
  180. Do not use if you have prostate problems.
  181. Do not use in shower.
  182. Do not use intimately.
  183. Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks.
  184. Do not use on eyes.
  185. Do not use orally.
  186. Do not use orally after using rectally.
  187. Do not use this product if you are currently taking a drug for depression.
  188. Do not use toaster oven.
  189. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.
  190. Do not use while operating heavy machinery.
  191. Do not use while sleeping.
  192. Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.
  193. Do not warehouse glass on top of plastic.
  194. Do not write below this line.
  195. Do not X-Ray.
  196. Does not contain guar gum.
  197. Dog not included.
  198. Doing so will cause injury and death.
  199. Don't coast downhill.
  200. Don't even think about parking here.
  201. Don't feed the actors.
  202. Don't pet the dog.
  203. Don't try this in your living room; these are trained professionals.
  204. Don't quote me on anything.
  205. Don't quote me on that.
  206. Dramatization.
  207. Drawings will be conducted by an independent judging organization whose decisions are final on all matters.
  208. Driver does not carry cash.
  209. Drop in any mailbox.
  210. Dry clean only.
  211. Due to the nature of the game of squash, this racket is not guaranteed.
  212. Eating instructions: crack open shells, discard shells, enjoy the seeds!
  213. Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth.
  214. Edited for television.
  215. Elvis has left the building.
  216. Employees and their families are not eligible.
  217. Employees must wash hands before returning to work.
  218. Enter at your own risk.
  219. Enjoy!
  220. EPA estimate only.
  221. Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes.
  222. Excessive use may lead to paper cuts.
  223. Exclusions may apply.
  224. Falling rock.
  225. Fasten seat belt while seated.
  226. Fictionalization.
  227. First pull up, then pull down.
  228. Fits one head.
  229. Flames redirected to /dev/null.
  230. Follow all traffic safety precautions.
  231. For a good time call 1-800-540-0058.
  232. For a limited time only.
  233. For best taste, drink by date on bottom of can.
  234. For comfortable and safe use, please read the Safety & Comfort Guide.
  235. For entertainment purposes only.
  236. For external use only.
  237. For great justice.
  238. For indoor or outdoor use only.
  239. For lifting purposes only.
  240. For office use only.
  241. For off-road use only.
  242. For outdoor use only.
  243. For recreational use only.
  244. For use by trained personnel only.
  245. For use on animals only.
  246. For video conference calls, a video camera or webcam is helpful.
  247. Fragile.
  248. Freshest if eaten before date on carton.
  249. Get medical attention if symptoms persist.
  250. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat.
  251. Handle with care.
  252. Hard hat and safety goggles are required.
  253. Hardware and instructions included.
  254. Harmful if swallowed.
  255. Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.
  256. Height restrictions apply.
  257. Hot beverages are hot!
  258. Hot water is hot.
  259. How's my driving?
  260. I am a non-attorney spokesperson. 
  261. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use.
  262. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to repair them yourself, but return to an authorized service center.
  263. If condition persists, consult your physician.
  264. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician.
  265. If ingestion occurs, induce vomiting and contact a physician immediately.
  266. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading.
  267. If seal is broken, discard immediately.
  268. If symptoms persist, consult your physician.
  269. If symptoms persist, seek medical attention.
  270. If you are not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution, or any action taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it, is prohibited and may be unlawful.
  271. If you cannot read these instructions, please notify a flight attendant.
  272. If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.
  273. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail.
  274. Imperfections in the fabric are to be considered normal.
  275. In case of accidental overdose, seek professional assistance.
  276. In case of irritation, flush eyes with cold water and consult your physician.
  277. In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors.
  278. In the event of an emergency, an oxygen mask will drop down from the compartment above your head.
  279. In the event of fire, remain calm.
  280. Individual results may vary.
  281. Information herein not to be used with alcoholic beverages.
  282. Instructions are included.
  283. Instructions: usage known.
  284. Insurance regulations prohibit recipients from entering the area without an escort.
  285. It is intended solely for the addressee.
  286. It is the Commission's policy to conduct its inquiries on a confidential basis -- so this may be the only response that you receive.
  287. Just say no.
  288. Keep away from fire or flames.
  289. Keep away from moisture, rain, snow, gloom of night, and so forth.
  290. Keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes.
  291. Keep away from sunlight.
  292. Keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children.
  293. Keep cool; process promptly.
  294. Keep corners of textbooks and writing instruments away from eyes.
  295. Keep frozen until ready to use.
  296. Keep hands and feet inside the car at all times.
  297. Keep left.
  298. Keep off the grass.
  299. Keep out of reach of children and teenagers.
  300. Keep this and all products out of the reach of children.
  301. Keep your arms and legs inside the mixer at all times.
  302. Knead before eating.
  303. Knives are sharp!
  304. Knock before entering.
  305. Lay on flat ground. Light fuse. Get away.
  306. Left handed people excluded.
  307. Lift flap to open.
  308. Like any driving directions/map you should always do a reality check and make sure the roads still exist.
  309. Limit one per family please.
  310. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery.
  311. List at least two alternate dates.
  312. List each check separately by bank number.
  313. List was current at time of printing.
  314. Live, except on West Coast.
  315. Local restrictions may apply.
  316. LOG OFF IMMEDIATELY if you do not agree to the conditions stated in this warning.
  317. Look before driving.
  318. Lost ticket pays maximum rate.
  319. Made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles.
  320. Malfunction: Too less water.
  321. Many suitcases look alike.
  322. Many will enter; few will win.
  323. Material on this web site may not be copied, reproduced, duplicated, spindled, mutilated, rendered, or cross-posted
  324. without the express written consent of the management.
  325. May be harmful if swallowed.
  326. May be too intense for some viewers.
  327. May be unsuitable for sensitive people.
  328. May cause any of the aforementioned effects and/or death.
  329. May cause dizziness.
  330. May cause drowsiness.
  331. May cause excitability.
  332. May contain material some readers may find objectionable; parental guidance is advised.
  333. May contain nuts.
  334. May contain peanuts.
  335. May contain small parts.
  336. May irritate eyes.
  337. Member, FDIC
  338. Mental health prohibited.
  339. Mind the doors.
  340. Mind the gap.
  341. Misuse may cause injury or death.
  342. Moisten needle before inserting.
  343. Mr. Smith is a paid endorser.
  344. Must be 18 to enter.
  345. Must be 18 years or age or older to be an adult.
  346. Must be over 17.
  347. Must be present to win.
  348. Neither the seller not the manufacture will be liable for any brain damage arising from the use of this product.
  349. Never commit arson.  Not even once. 
  350. Never leave cooking appliance unattended while in use.
  351. No alcohol, dogs, or horses.
  352. No anchovies unless otherwise specified.
  353. No animals were harmed in the creation of this site.
  354. No animals were used during testing.
  355. No Canadian coins.
  356. No cash value.
  357. No COD's.
  358. No deposit, no return.
  359. No diving.
  360. No glass bottles on beach.
  361. No internal email, except that clearly intended for public distribution (e.g. Press Releases), should be sent to any party outside the Company.
  362. No kidding.
  363. No lifeguard on duty.
  364. No measurable fat content.
  365. No minors allowed.
  366. No money down.
  367. No other warranty expressed or implied.
  368. No passes accepted for this engagement.
  369. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States.
  370. No preservatives added.
  371. No purchase necessary.
  372. No returns unless defective.
  373. No right turn on red.
  374. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added.
  375. No shirt, no shoes, no service.
  376. No shoes, no shirt, no service.
  377. No slugs.
  378. No small children.
  379. No solicitors.
  380. No stopping or standing.
  381. No substitutions allowed.
  382. No substitutions, exchanges or refunds.
  383. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop.
  384. No user-serviceable parts inside.
  385. Not a real diet.
  386. Not a Republic.
  387. Not actual size.
  388. Not affiliated with any government agency.
  389. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross.
  390. Not affiliated with the University of Florida or any other institution of higher learning.
  391. Not approved for veterans.
  392. Not available in all states.
  393. Not available with other offers.
  394. Not dishwasher safe.
  395. Not for human consumption.
  396. Not for weight control.
  397. Not intended for highway use.
  398. Not intended for use by children or liberals under the age of five.
  399. Not intended for use in toaster oven.
  400. Not legal for trade.
  401. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse.
  402. Not on people.
  403. Not our airplane.
  404. Not our yak.
  405. Not recommended for children.
  406. Not responsible for acts of God.
  407. Not responsible for damages occurring through the use, misuse, or inability to use this product.
  408. Not responsible for delayed, lost, or misdirected mail.
  409. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform.
  410. Not responsible for items left over 30 days.
  411. Not responsible for misuse or misapplication.
  412. Not responsible for personal belongings.
  413. Not responsible for typographical errors.
  414. Not responsible if you've fallen and can't get up.
  415. Not street legal in some states.
  416. Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less.
  417. Not the Beatles.
  418. Not to be combined with other radioisotopes except under the advice of a physician.
  419. Not to be taken internally.
  420. Not to be used as a personal flotation device.
  421. Not to be used for the other use.
  422. Not valid in all areas.
  423. Now available without a prescription!
  424. Nutritional information available on request
  425. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.
  426. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear.
  427. Objects on mirror may appear closer than they are.
  428. Offer not valid with other discounts.
  429. Offer valid only at participating sites.
  430. Offer void where taxed or prohibited by law.
  431. One size fits all.
  432. Only at participating, local dealers
  433. Open box before eating pizza.
  434. Open other end.
  435. Open this side.
  436. Other restrictions may apply.
  437. Package sold by weight, not volume.
  438. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics.
  439. Parental guidance suggested.
  440. Past performance no guarantee of future results.
  441. Patent pending.
  442. Pavement ends.
  443. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
  444. Payment is due by the due date.
  445. Peel from paper backing before eating.
  446. Penalty for early withdrawal.
  447. Penalty for improper use.
  448. Penalty for private use.
  449. Place stamp here.
  450. Please allow 4-8 weeks delivery.
  451. Please do not feed the models.
  452. Please drink responsibly.
  453. Please fasten your seat belts and extinguish all smoking materials.
  454. Please include the proper portion of your bill.
  455. Please keep out of children.
  456. Please look at the materials if you believe this may be the case.
  457. Please obey park service rules.
  458. Please recycle.
  459. Please re-install the operating system if you get this error again.
  460. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop.
  461. Please remove baby before folding stroller.
  462. Please remove before driving.
  463. Please return your seats and tray tables to their locked and upright position.
  464. Please stir before serving.
  465. Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator.
  466. Please use a clean plate.
  467. Possible penalties for early withdrawal.
  468. Post office will not deliver without postage.
  469. Post office will not deliver without proper postage.
  470. Postage will be paid by addressee.
  471. Postage will be paid by you!
  472. Pre-1650 garb required by all participants.
  473. Pregnant women should not touch or handle broken tablets.
  474. Prerecorded for this time zone.
  475. Prerecorded in front of a live audience.
  476. Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone.
  477. Previous editions are obsolete.
  478. Price and participation may vary.
  479. Price based on availability.
  480. Price does not include taxes.
  481. Price plus tax, license and documentation fees subject to prior sale. One at this price.
  482. Prices are quoted in Canadian Funds if product is shipped to a Canadian address.
  483. Prices subject to change without notice.
  484. Proceed with caution.
  485. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton.
  486. Product will be hot after heating.
  487. Professional driver on closed track.
  488. Professionally Dry Clean
  489. Proof of purchase required.
  490. Protect from freezing. Rattle OK.
  491. Provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied.
  492. Push down while squeezing top
  493. Quantities are limited while supplies last.
  494. Read and use at your own risk.
  495. Read at your own risk.
  496. Read label before using.
  497. Read prospectus carefully before investing or sending money.
  498. Ready to eat.
  499. Rebroadcast is prohibited without the express written consent of Major League Baseball. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.
  500. Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.
  501. Refer servicing to qualified repair personnel.
  502. Reference herein to any specific commercial products, process, or service by trade name, trademark, manufacturer, or otherwise, does not necessarily constitute or imply its endorsement, recommendation, or favoring by the United States Government.
  503. Refrigerate after opening.
  504. Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you.
  505. Remove infant before folding for storage.
  506. Remove plastic before eating.
  507. Remove the plastic wrapper.
  508. Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.
  509. Replace with same type.
  510. Reproduction strictly prohibited.
  511. Reproductions will not be honored.
  512. Restaurant package, not for resale.
  513. Results not typical.
  514. Retain your receipt.
  515. Return to sender: no forwarding order on file, unable to forward.
  516. Ribbed for her pleasure.
  517. Ribbed for your pleasure.
  518. Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft.
  519. Road rage is uncool.
  520. Safe for use around pets.
  521. Safety goggles may be required during use.
  522. Sales tax not included.
  523. Sanitized for your protection.
  524. Sealed for your protection.
  525. Sealed for your protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken.
  526. See bottom of package for lot No. and expiration date.
  527. See label for sequence.
  528. See listings for show times.
  529. Seek shelter and cover head.
  530. Serving suggestion.
  531. Serving suggestion: Defrost.
  532. Shading within a garment may occur.
  533. Shake well before using.
  534. Sharp!
  535. Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.
  536. Shipping & handling extra.
  537. Should you need legal advice, please consult your lawyer.
  538. Shut off engine.
  539. Side effects include nausea.
  540. Sign here without admitting guilt.
  541. Sign waivers with your real name.
  542. Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants.
  543. Simulated picture.
  544. Slightly enlarged to show detail.
  545. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi.
  546. Slightly higher west of the Rockies.
  547. Slippery when wet.
  548. Slow children.
  549. Slow: Alligator Crossing.
  550. Small parts, not for children under 3.
  551. Smoking may be hazardous to your health.
  552. So remember, you've been warned!
  553. Sold for industrial use only.
  554. Some additional charges may apply.
  555. Some assembly required.
  556. Some equipment shown is optional.
  557. Some humor and satire included.
  558. Some jurisdictions do not allow exclusion of incidental or consequential damages, so the above exclusion may not apply to you.
  559. Some material contained herein not suitable for Republicans.
  560. Some materials may irritate sensitive skin.
  561. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only.
  562. Some rectal discharge may occur.
  563. Some restrictions apply.
  564. Some settling may occur during shipping.
  565. Special receptacle end.
  566. Stack no more than 4 high.
  567. Store (bubble bath) in a dry place.
  568. Store in a cool, dry place.
  569. Store in original containers.
  570. Strike before closing cover.
  571. Subject to approval.
  572. Subject to availability.
  573. Subject to CAB approval.
  574. Subject to change without notice.
  575. Subject to FCC approval.
  576. Subject to local regulation.
  577. Subject to the provisions of the Freedom of Information Act, we cannot disclose to you any information which we may gather and we cannot confirm to you the existence or non-existence of an investigation.
  578. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.
  579. Supervise children as necessary until capable of using without supervision.
  580. Surgeon General's warning: Quitting smoking now greatly reduces risks to health, etc.
  581. Take care: new non-slip surface.
  582. Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone.
  583. Take with food.
  584. Tax, title and license extra.
  585. Terms are subject to change without notice.
  586. Test regularly.
  587. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised.
  588. Text used in these documents is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles.
  589. The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position.
  590. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom.
  591. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh.
  592. The buyer assumes all risks associated with using this product.
  593. The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.
  594. The information in this email is confidential and may be legally privileged.
  595. The little part which suffocates when the sharp part which gets hurt is swallowed is contained generously.
  596. The preceding was a paid political announcement.
  597. The slight variations in color and texture enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects.
  598. The Surgeon General of the United States warns that smoking by pregnant women may result in fetal injury, premature birth, and low birth weight.
  599. The truth is out there.
  600. The user takes full responsibility for everything and anything that could and/or does go wrong resulting in any kind or type of problem, difficulty, embarrassment, loss of money or goods or services or sleep or anything else whatsoever.
  601. Theft of this container is a crime.
  602. These documents do not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my rabbit.
  603. These rows reserved for parents with children.
  604. This automated response confirms that the Division of Enforcement has received your e-mail.
  605. This does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my dog.
  606. This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am.
  607. This end up.
  608. This film is a fictional portrayal.
  609. This is a natural product.
  610. This is not a safety protective device.
  611. This is not a savings account and is not insured by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation.
  612. This is not an offer to sell securities.
  613. This is not legal advice.
  614. This is only to be used as an aid in planning.
  615. This offer expires at midnight.
  616. This pill to be taken orally.
  617. This product can burn eyes.
  618. This product is meant for educational purposes only.
  619. This product is not to be used in bathrooms.
  620. This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
  621. This side up.
  622. This site is printed on 100% recycled phosphor.
  623. This supersedes all previous notices.
  624. This tag may only be removed by the consumer.
  625. This train does not stop at Charing Cross Station.
  626. The views expressed on this program do not necessarily reflect those of our sponsors.
  627. This warranty excludes incidental and consequential damages.
  628. This warranty gives your specific legal rights, and you may also have other rights which vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.
  629. This web site is not intended as legal advice.
  630. Tiger did not consume plastic.
  631. Times approximate.
  632. To ensure compliance with requirements imposed by the IRS and other taxing authorities, we inform you that any tax advice contained in this communication (including any attachments) is not intended or written to be used, and cannot be used, for the purpose of (i) avoiding penalties that may be imposed on any taxpayer or (ii) promoting, marketing or recommending to another party any transaction or matter addressed herein.
  633. To touch these wires is instant death.
  634. Toll rates may apply.
  635. Traffic fines double in work zones.
  636. Tuck flap in, do not seal.
  637. Tumble dry on low heat.
  638. Turn off motor before using this product.
  639. Twist top off with hands.
  640. Unauthorized or improper use of this system may result in administrative disciplinary action and civil and criminal penalties.
  641. Unauthorized use or reproduction of material on this web site is strictly prohibited by Federal law and subject to criminal prosecution.
  642. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T.
  643. Unleaded fuel only.
  644. Unplug before servicing.
  645. Use caution while operating mechanical devices.
  646. Use like regular soap.
  647. Use medication only as directed.
  648. Use no hooks.
  649. Use only as directed.
  650. Use only in a well-ventilated area.
  651. Use only unleaded fuel.
  652. Use other side for additional listings.
  653. Use under adult supervision.
  654. Use with adequate ventilation.
  655. User assumes full liabilities.
  656. Users (authorized or unauthorized) have no explicit or implicit expectation of privacy.
  657. Using cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty.
  658. Viewer discretion is advised.
  659. Void where prohibited except where not prohibited.
  660. Void where prohibited, taxed or otherwise restricted.
  661. Void where prohibited.
  662. Walk - Don't Run.
  663. Warning: All liability waived! Rocketry is an inherently dangerous undertaking. Make your choices and take personal responsibility for the outcome of your experiment! Protect your privilege to fly rockets by not making the headlines or becoming a statistic.
  664. Warning! Hazardous radiation Class 3 laser.
  665. Warning: Trees sprayed with noxious gases.
  666. WARNING: Contents may be hot after heating.
  667. Warrantee period limited.
  668. Wash, rinse, repeat.
  669. Watch for falling rock.
  670. Watch for ice on bridges.
  671. Watch out for construction.
  672. Wattages stated are maximum recommended.
  673. We collect no personal information about you when you visit.
  674. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you.
  675. We reserve the right to substitute equivalent items.
  676. Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
  677. What you thought was chicken at that Chinese restaurant wasn't.
  678. You could be a winner!
  679. You must be at least this tall to ride.
  680. You must be present to win.
  681. You must bring claim check and entry form with you.
  682. You need not be present to win.
  683. You should have had a V-8.
  684. Your actual mileage will vary depending on your car's condition, optional equipment, and how and where you drive.
  685. Your call is very important to us.
  686. Your canceled check is your receipt.
  687. Your mileage may vary.
  688. Your odds of winning are dependent on the number of entries.
  689. Your results may vary.
  690. Your system administrator may have disabled some of the program’s options.

Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized repair, incorrect line voltage, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this joke list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, sticks and stones, et. al.)

And, of course...

This supersedes any previous disclaimer.

If your favorite disclaimer is not on this page, let me know and I'll add it!

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