Having kids provides parents with an endless supply of hysterical comments and malapropisms. Here are a few of the Beanz's.     

At some point, Eloise was given a toy hamster in a plastic bubble. It was battery powered and would roll around on the floor. It would redirect itself when it come into contact with a wall or a shoe or whatever else was in it's path. She wasn't more than 13 months old.  We played with the hamster for a couple of weeks, and then like with so many children's toys, we forgot about it. One day, much much later, at about age 2, Eloise came and explained that she was looking for the "ham-monster", and she hadn't seen it for a while.

  • ham-monster


Eloise has two babies that she takes care of. One of them, Lilly, gets most of the attention. Lilly has various outfits and a stroller. She has blankets, hats and shoes, and it's nearly endless fun. The other baby is much smaller. If Lilly is a 1/1 scale model of a real baby, the other one is probably a 1/6 scale. She doesn't have any outfits, she doesn't have blankets. We've never heard Eloise refer to this baby by a name, and frankly, if Eloise were a real parent to these two children, child protective services would likely whisk this 'other' baby off to some foster care home due to this general neglect. 


  • Lilly



Last week, Eloise was in the bathtub and Barry was bathing her. I was in the other room when Eloise calls to me to say that she wants me to bring her a baby to play with. My mind instantly goes to Lilly, who in my mind is the default baby of choice. When I arrive with Lilly, Eloise became visably annoyed. She said, and I really am quoting: " No, dad. Put Lilly back! Just bring me that other baby. That plain baby..."

  • plain baby