Hash Trash 

(only about 25% true...)


Hindu Kush Hash House Harriers

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30 July 2009 - Hash #52
Hares: Just Tom and Just Garrett
Namees: Just Aimee will now and forever be known as Eats It Raw
Highlights:
Small hash tonight.  The pack was 6 deep chasing 2 hares.  They seemed to lose trail several times.  There were rumors of signing songs about parachutes and other stuff like that.  Eventually they all made it back to the down down.  We did have one virgin and one last timer.

Hash # 51 - No one can remember anything

25 June 2009 - Hash #50
Hares: Sponge Bob and Just Kenya
Namees: Tried on two, but didn't happen this week.
Highlights: Definitely the largest hash in recent memory.  The pack was running over 20 deep, chasing the two hares.  The pack managed to somehow circumvent over half the trail and surprise the hares at their end location.  There were good eats and comradery at the end of the trail.  A section of the pack had not had enough running, so decided to set off on a jog afterwards, some of them perhaps planning future trails?

11 June 2009 - Hash #49
Hares: Squealer and Just Tim
Namees: Just Craig will now and forever be known as Cock Blocking: It Jizz Happens

Highlights: Brave newbie Just Tim took on being a hare after only one run with the pack.  The hares were almost snared but managed to dart into the gate at the last second.  That will teach them to stop and chat while being chased.  There was a large, fast pack running of over ten!

28 May 2009 - Hash #48
Hares: Just Pete and Just Tony
Namees: None this hash, we will try again next time

Highlights: Two newtimers took up the gauntlet and led the pack on a merry chase.  With only three remaining old timers, the remaining members of the pack were virgins to the Hindu Kush.  The run was long with a beautiful ending setting of the roof of the medical compound overlooking the flightline. 

14 May 2009 - Hash #47
Hares: Mystery Hash
Namees: None this hash, we will try again next time

Highlights: We said good bye to 2 Good 2 Swallow this week.  The 101 group is truly gone and it is left to newtimers to carry the beer.  Dante and Sqeales Like a Mouse are holding down the current MisManagement. 

30 April 2009 - Hash #46
Hares: Soup Six and Just Ron
Namees: None this hash, we will try again next time

Highlights: Soup Six carried the day on this hash, being both the primary hare and the hash raiser.  He brought in three new hashers, all of them virgins, and had one of them co-hare even.  Soup Six and Just Ron laid another shi**y trail, and at the end we found freshly cooked hash food (loved those chicken wings!)  Just Janice criticized RDL for his inability to carry a tune in a bucket, and then demonstrated her exceptional singing voice.  She was unanimously voted in as Songmeistress on the spot, and will stay in Afghanistan until she finds a replacement that can sing as well as her.  This was also the farewell hash for three folks, including two who had just lost their virginity.  Just Curtis enjoyed himself enough to state he was going to drop in on the hash back at Fort Campbell, and Just Ron showed his chops with the shi**y job of haring.  RDL is also hanging up his Afghan hashing shoes.  May the road rise up to meet us all. 

 

16 April 2009 - Hash #45
Hares: Running Dog Lackey, Just Dontaye and Just Erik
Namees:
No hasher did anything foolish enough to get named for this run

Highlights: This was the first attempt by Just Dontaye and Just Erik to create and lay a hash, and it turned out to be as shi**y as expected.  In fact, Just Dontaye is showing such capacity at mismanagement that he is probably going to get demoted into a position of greater responibility soon.  Sponge Bob brought a couple more virgins, and Squealer talked to a couple non-hashers in the middle of the run.  She managed to hand out either directions to next weeks hash, or her email, not sure which.

2 April 2009 - Hash #44
Hares: Just Carlos and Cameltoe
Namees:
Just Carlos is now Friendly Fired and Just Chino is now Sponge Bob Juice Pants

Highlights: This was Friendly Fired's last hash, and he went out with a bang.  With Cameltoe in stride, they laid an exceptionally shi**y trail that the pack was able to follow even with amidst the pouring rain and vehicle obliterations.  Sponge Bob Juice Pants managed to zen trail and beat the pack by a significant margin, conveniently managing to ignore several boob checks along the way, with the violation penalties paid and the naming coming soon after.  Several first-timers also showed, which is encouraging as the 101 crew is rapidly approaching departure point.


23 March 2009 - Hash #43
Hares: Shut the F* Up and Just Carlo
Namees: Just Kim D. is now Squeals Like A Mouse, Just Louisa D. is now Cameltoe, and Just Jen T. (on her first hash, no less) is now Good Head

Highlights: This was STFU's last hash, so it was a guarantee of at least one YBF and at least naming.  Just Jen T. showed up out of the blue and was recruited for the trail, where she managed to bean her head against an air conditioner fairing.  Aside from that, nobody got lost, the trail was generally well marked, and we had the Charlie's Angels naming as Just Louisa sealed her name by saying "I don't like that," guaranteeing its selection, Just Kim D. getting named for getting snagged last week and making a mouse-like sound, and while we normally don't name first-timers, it's  not often that someone runs into a large metal object, so it was a done deal.

 

12 March 2009 - Hash #42

Hares: Just A.J. and Just Kim D.
Namees: None

Highlights: no account from this week...


 

26 February 2009 - Hash #41

Hares: Man Love and Just Jon
Namees: Just Jon is now
Saving Myself For Man Love.
Highlights: One virgin, just Carlos, and the return of Just Louisa, who kept forgetting about the no-headgear in the circle, drank repeatedly, and STFU almost catching Man Love as he was finishing out the trail.  Just Jon J. told a tale that made him sound like the next Unabomber but quickly became apparent that aside from the name that he almost got ("2/3 of the way to Helen Keller"), that he was Saving Himself for Man Love after RDL regaled the tale of how NVGs was going to nominate a name a few weeks ago -but wanted to wait until Man Love was back from the United States.  2 Good to Swallow told Just A.J. (back for his second hash in almost 11 months) that he could "break in" Just Kim as the next hare.

 

5 February 2009 - Hash #40

Hares: 2 Good to Swallow and In the Butt, Bob
Namees:
None this week
.
Highlights:
One virgin, just Kim D., who quickly distinguished herself as the hares didn't get flour and it was almost over before it started.  She and Running Dog Lackey scored flour at the last moment and the trail was on.  STFU indulged some racist behavior, but redeemed his earlier goof of room-temperature beer by actually allowing the beer to cool off for a few hours in the cold (and it was just below freezing...)

22 January 2009 - Hash #39

Hares: NVGs and RAS
Namees:
Just Yau, after one of the most painful namings ever, lands In the Butt, Bob.  Just Jon J. decided to hold out for Man Love to return, so no name for him.
Highlights:
This was NVGs' last hash prior to her parole from Afghanistan.  She and RAS laid a well-thought out trail that still resulted in a lot of stragglers.  Also showing his face before his parole was IUD, who had been AWOL the last few months.  He brought another Carolina Trasher, Night Train, and Just Chino, who quickly brought back all of STFU's bad behavior as Carolina Trash alumni.

8 January 2009 - Hash #38

Hares: STFU
Namees: 
Just Jon J. and Just Yau are eligible but awaiting more hashers for popular acclaim...
Highlights:
Two newcomers, Just Jeff and Soup, a late-breaking hash, and the shortest trail STFU's ever laid...leading to a warm place on a cold night with room-temperature beer.  Four no-nonsense markings, and no YBFs.  Really!

11 December 2008 - Hash #37

Hares: STFU, Running Dog Lackey
Namees:
none this week
Highlights: What had been a painstakingly planned trail ended up getting cut in half.  Turns out when you lay a 300m YBF, and most people are shuffling along, rather than running at breakneck speed, it takes a long time.

30 October 2008 - Hash #36

 Four mystery hares!  Oral-B, Who Cares If They're Real, Harry Potty, Just Danny
Namees:
None this week
Highlights:
Four mystery hares, by pulling names out of a hat, then giving them pieces of the trail in small bottles.  Oral-B paints his entire head glow-in-the-dark green, Big, big props to 2 Good to Swallow for showing up as Goth Raggedy Ann and brings all sorts of awesome Halloween hash swag (to include eyeball-in-beaker cups) - and setting the trail up!

16 October 2008 - Hash #35

 Hares: ?
Namees:
Just James M. is now Oompa Loompa, Just Kent K. is now That's Not My Woodstock

2 October 2008 - Hash #34

18 September 2008 - Hash #33

4 September 2008 - Hash #32

 Hares: RAS, Undercover Lover, NVGs
Namees:
Just Jen M. is now Three's Company, Just Diana C. is now Suck That S*it, Bitch

Tale of the Trail: Cliff's Notes version: checks go any direction, first flash ever, busted by the cops and forced to eat doughnuts, front leaning rest and Pledge of Allegiance, and two namings.

21 August 2008 - Hash #31

 Hares: Sticky Keys, Senim, NVGs
Namees:
Just Patrick M. is now Sticky Keys, Just Patrick C. is now Harry Potty

Tale of the Trail: every time Senim hares, people almost get blown up.  It's not any accident that people start getting itchy when Senim goes offroad.  Fortunately, no one ran into any explosives this time.  The pack did completely blow by a gate guard who was supposed to deliver the words for YBF, but could only utter "straight line stop here!"  Ah well.  This also marked one of the tiny few times that something was too vulgar even for Shut The F*ck Up to say, which is almost unheard-of...
 

7 August 2008 - Hash #30

 Hares: Shut The F*ck Up, Earl Jam
Namees:
None this week!

Tale of the Trail: No matter how much forethought goes into a trail, something usually goes wrong.  This was almost textbook - until the pack ran into two-week old flour that hadn't blown away.  They still got there...a little later than expected.  This was Sausages in the Mist's last hash as he moves on to a combat outpost in the hinterlands...
 

24 July 2008 - Hash #29

 Hares: Running Dog Lackey, I Like It In the Middle
Namees:
Just Krista B. is now NVGs

Tale of the Trail: A long, most elusive trail indeed.  The pack broke into several groups, all trying to find trail at different parts.  After over two hours of stop and go trail following, which included climbing over a wall, a round being fired, and RAS ended up lassoing the different groups into the circle where we heard one of the best stories ever delivered in the circle...which netted the name NVGs...

10 July 2008 - Hash #28

 Hares: Man Love, Spit It Out
Namees:
Just Paul K. is now Earl Jam, Just Dexter H. is now I Like It In the Middle

Tale of the Trail: To be filled in later...

26 June 2008 - Hash #27

 Hares: 2 Good to Swallow, Just Rich U., and Banana Hammock
Namees:
Just Rich U. is now Backspray, Just Mark D. is now Sausages in the Mist

Tale of the Trail: To be filled in later...
 

12 June 2008 - Hash #26 (1st Anniversary Hash)

 Hares: Senim, Just Patrick M., and Just Kan Y.
Namees:
Just Bruce L. is now Oral-B, Just Robert V. is now Tampax.

Tale of the Trail: To be filled in later...

29 May 2008 - Hash #25

 Hares: (needs reminder from someone who was there...)
Namees:
(help!)

Tale of the Trail:
 There we were, 15 hashers and 6 virgins excited to do a trail that Senim wasn’t involved in laying (finally). 
    The trail took us across Disney Drive through the common starting area of the village.  After looping through the area the entire pack lost the trail and started spreading out to find it again.  One of the younger members of the pack curled into a fetal position and whimpered remembering the shitty trails from weeks before.
    Luckily we coaxed him back to the run as the trail was relocated and we took off down Disney and through the PX area.  More time on Disney located the beer check behind the brick and mortar barracks near the hospital. 
    After a relaxing time opening bottles on a Hesco barrier we resumed the trail headed towards the Pax terminal and the USO.  After a few false starts the trail resumed headed South.  Several members of the pack were positive we would end up at the Aviation DFAC and seemed extremely surprised to continue past it.
    A boob check near the BTIF was followed by some strange markings caused by hares running low on chalk.
    When an armed guard reminded us that we could not cut through the TIF compound we circled to the other side where we picked up the trail and followed it to the end and the circle in the new gym.........ON ON to the next hash


15 May 2008 - Hash #24
 Hares: Senim,
Man Love, and Just Pat M.
 Namees: None this week!

Tale of the Trail:
So there we were, 15 hashers and 10 virgins ready to do the trail that Senim, Man Love, and Just Patrick planned.  The pack had a late start so instead of following the trail to the Jirga Center and boarding the bus there they road the bus to the Jirga Center and got off and then on the bus. 
    The bus then took them around the perimeter and dropped them off near the grey water area on the East side.  Our hares were sweating bullets at this time due to an encounter with Bagram’s finest while on the way to start the trail.  Luckily they made it to the start before the pack AND no one had to be bailed out. 
The trail took the pack around the grey water area, through some tents and over a wall.  Nothing like flour to mark a trail over white gravel and white tents!  One person drew blood when clearing the wall but bravely soldiered, er Airmanned, on to finish the trail.  Once the pack figured out the need to clear the wall they quickly picked up the trail and regrouped along the main road.  The Hares who were waiting at the midpoint had an excellent view of the group as they massed together and took off down the obvious trail.  The View actually improved as the pack returned from the 100yd run to a YBF. 
    Shortly after returning to the check the pack picked up the trail, greeted the Hares and watched them take off for the second leg of the run.  The trail followed a rutted dirt road that was bordered by mine fields on either side.  Almost like Senim has an affinity for mines.  The pack managed to stay on the narrow, crappy, road and had some reminders of why it is great to bring a flashlight—the trail isn't always smooth. 
    Upon regaining the road the pack followed the trail through the old Soviet ammo bunkers.  After encountering the bus and a checkback they located the hares at the finish overlooking most of Bagram on a patio up above some bunkers.……….ON ON to the next hash!

 

 1 May 2008 - Hash #23 

Hares: Just Travis H., Shut the F*ck Up, Midget Bone Biter
Namees:
Just Tom D. is now Man Love; Just Travis H. is now Senim

Tale of the Trail:
     So there we were, 17 hashers, 1 virgin and one FNG ready to actually run the trail instead of getting lost in a miasma like two weeks previously.  Two of our hares were on remedial duty (Midget Bone Biter and Just Travis H.) and they had Shut the F*ck up join them to try to improve the trail.  Our trail actually turned, NOT going directly across into KBR village as we left the JOC compound.  The enthusiasm at the new direction was shortlived as we followed the trail through some KBR land.  We followed the trail through many twists and turns until we were running behind the Koele DFAC.  At this point the allusions a Hare had made to the trail being the “Smells of Bagram” route became clear.  Unfortunately at this point it seems the trail was disturbed by workers unloading trucks for the DFAC.  This resulted in jumping the midpoint (Cold beer at the USO!) And cornering the hares as they were returning from the direction of the clamshell.  

    Minor chaos followed, but the final arrival at the abandoned house past the Jirga center worked out.

    Dishes, NOW! attempted to violate every traffic law on Bagram while removing the undercarriage of a vehicle in the field.  Luckily the vehicle and all occupants survived and their mission to secure a bottle opener met with success.

    Prior to commencing the circle we discovered a joint operation occurring on the second floor of the building.  All evidence points to a movement to contact with the female Air Force and male Army involved.

    After commencement of the circle, punishment of the hares, and rejection of the adopt-a-hare program we were on to the namings.
    Just Tom D. came prepared with a tale that he hoped would minimize his embarrassment, and give him a reason to speak about getting freaky with his future wife on the beachfront.  His tale was overshadowed by Midget Bone Biter’s tale of Just Tom D. laying on the thick grass near the MOD offices while an ANA soldier knelt near him and gently stroked his cheek.  It wasn’t even close on the vote—Man Love became his name!
After the illustrious tale from Man Love it was time for Just Travis H. to tell his tale.  His tale wasn’t one of the normal high school or college embarrassment involving bumping uglies with a future spouse.  Instead his tale, complete with visual aids, described leading Shut the F*ck Up Over a wall and through a field as part of reconning the has route.  Unfortunately as they reached the edge of the field they encountered some warning tape—with the letters backwards since they approached from the wrong side.  End result—the name of Senim.  (Mines spelled backwards) ……….ON ON to the next hash!


 

17 April 2008 - Hash #22 

 Hares: Dishes, NOW!, Banana Hammock, Midget Bone Biter
Namees:
Just Luis O. is now Scratch n' Sniff; Just Jason R. is now Spit It Out

Tale of the Trail:
So there we were, 25 hashers, 8 virgins and one FNG ready to run another trail winding through the crowded base of BAF.  Our hares (Dishes, NOW!, Midget Bone Biter and Just Travis H.) were inexperienced but motivated and had done several recons of their trail.  After a short lead the pack took off across the street and into the same village we always seem to start with—we were moving great until the first check where we found two YBFs and no trail.  After a long period of wandering around we picked up trail past one of the YBFs (turns out it was from an old trail).  Then across Disney and to the DFAC; after some circling around we found trail and on to a boob check where the pack split, both groups on some sort of trail—one going forward and the other backward.  When we came together, always a good thing, we realized what happened, turned around and headed to the end.  Little did we know that we had shortcutted about half the trail, except for RDL, our FNG who split from the pack and ended up running to the beer check where he found no beer (I guess the hares hid it well for the second week in a row!) and on to the ‘hash note’ that he couldn’t find.  At that point, alone and confused, he called it a day and we missed him and Just Dave R. at the circle.  Still not sure what happened to Just Dave.

At circle we splashed the hares, a few nerd name violators and the numerous virgins.  Then it came to naming.  Just Jason R. told a long story that seemed to take forever; I couldn’t hear half the story but it didn’t matter anyway b/c he was named for his reluctance in the telling, not the story itself.  It took so long to recite that we told him to spit it out and then named him the same.  Then it came to Luis/Fred O. and the only story he could tell was of his various aliases (never asked if there was a reason why he switched names often) so we didn’t get too many options until Midget Bone Biter told us about certain habits he learned about the first time he met Just Luis.  Apparently, he has quite an itch to scratch.

And we ended circle with a round of Swing Low as always.  ON ON to the next hash.

 

3 April 2008 - Transfer of Authority Hash #21   Photos

Final hash before the 82d Airborne Division returned home!
On-on, ALL THE WAY!

Hares: Pink Taco, Bass Ackwards, Short Arm, and Just A.J.
Namees: Just Matt B. is now Banana Hammock; just Rob F. is now Dishes, NOW!

 

20 March 2008 - Hash #20    Photos

Hares: That's Not My Nightstick

 New Namees: Just Jose S. is now My Life's A Gay Porn Flick and others TBA

 

6 March 2008 - Hash #19    Photos

Hares: Colon Blow, Shut the F*ck Up!, Midget Bone Biter, and Spawn of Hashmaster
No namees this week.

 

21 February 2008 - Hash #18

No Namees this week, but we did cover a bit of hash heritage by telling the story of the Lady in Red and the Red Dress Run.

 

7 February 2008 - Hash #17    Photos

New Namees -- Just Scott W. is now R. Kelly's Bitch; Just Barrett O. is now Headless Driver

 

24 January 2008 - Hash #16     Photos

New Namees -- Just Rob W. is now Butt Light; Just Chris W. is now Slip 'N Slide; Just Mike K. is now Maid of OnHer; Just Vic P. is now Ball Juggler

 

10 January 2008 - Hash #15     Photos

New Namee -- Just Ed M. is now Squats 2 Pee

 

27 December 2007 - Hash #14

New Namees -- Just Dan W. is now No Thanks, I'm Gay; Just José O. is now Midget Bone Biter; Just Whit W. is now Colon Blow

 

13 December 2007 - Hash #13

New Namee -- Just Carey W. is now Got Milk?

 

29 November 2007 - Hash #12

New Namees -- Just Kurt R. is now Chaplain B.O.B.; Just TJ S. is now Crack Ho Down

 

15 November 2007 - Hash #11

   No Namees this week (opportunities lost...)

 

1 November 2007 - Halloween Hash #10     Photos

New Namees -- Just Jen C. is now Short Arm; Just Jon P. is now Ass To Mouth (and we fare him well -- OnOn to the next hash!)

 

11 October 2007 - Hash #9

 New Namees -- Just Sarah S. is now Crimson Rim Job; Just Jim M. is now Shitsicle

 

27 September 2007 - Hash #8

 No Namees this week (opportunities lost...)

 

13 September 2007 - Hash #7     Photos

New Namees -- Just Nick H. is now RamaBanana; Just Drew P. is now Hairy Nightmare (and we fare him well -- OnOn to the next hash!); we also farewell our Ma-Hare-ishi, Rawhide as he returns to the Carolina Trash -- On On!

 

30 August 2007 - Hash #6      Photos

New Namees -- Just Rob C. is now Phag Nuts; Just Quimby is now Joey Jailbait;  Just Mike C. is now Creamed Cornhole

 

16 August 2007 - Hash #5     Photos

New Namees -- Just Hud is now Young Hog Knocker; Just Brian V. is now Mouthful of Lucinda; Just Jason T. is now BangCock Bob (and we fare him well -- OnOn to the Carolina Trash!)

 

2 August 2007 - Hash #4      Photos

New Namees -- Just Joe B. is now Uri Bone Rider; Just Treavor B. is now Pink Taco

 

19 July 2007 - Hash #3           Photos

New Namees -- Just Tim F. is now Suck Job; Just Josh S. is now Ruckless Bastard

 

5 July 2007 - Hash #2          Photos

New Namees -- Just Dave A. is now Crying Handjob; Just Sean S. is now Bass Ackwards; Just Matt G. is now Fruit Basket

 

17 June 2007 (Inaugural Hash)          Photos

Who was there for the birth of this hash?
RITMO
Don't Let Your Meatloaf
Baby Got Back
HARE - Just Sang L.
HARE - Just Jason G.
HARE - Just Sean S.  ('Bass Ackwards' as of 5 Jul 07)
Just Scott W. ('R. Kelly's Bitch' as of 7 Feb 08)
Just Rob C.  ('Phag Nuts' as of 30 Aug 07)
Just Matt G.  ('Fruit Basket' as of 5 Jul 07)
Just Chris M.
Just Chris B.
Just Stu C.
Just Troy F.
Just Tim F.  ('Suck Job' as of 19 Jul 07)
Just Jen C.  ('Short Arm' as of 1 Nov 07)
Just Drew P.  ('Hairy Nightmare' as of 13 Sep 07)
Just Kurt R.  ('Chaplain B.O.B.' as of 29 Nov 07)
Just Treavor B.  ('Pink Taco' as of 2 Aug 07)
Just Adrienne P.
Just Doug Y.
Just Dave A.  ('Crying Handjob' as of 5 Jul 07)
Just Hud ('Young Hog Knocker' as of 16 Aug 07)
Just Mike C.  ('Creamed Cornhole' as of 30 Aug 07)
Just Mike G.