Is God Speaking to me or is it my Illusion

[This is a shorter version of bigger chapter – under “Biology and Physics of Biblical Creation” http://sites.google.com/site/biophysicsofbible]

Chapter -1

My Mind and My Thought

It all started way back in 1980’s. I had just finished my Masters in Biological Science. I was not a believer. I could only visualize God as an invention of the intelligent to rule the ignorant. I had seen from childhood the so called elite taking common man for a ride. When I had to take up a career, after much deliberation, I opted to take a research career. I just hoped to contribute some thing to humanity, in the process of completing my journey. I think I did have some philosophical bent of mind.

I put my mind on my consciousness as I took up some of the most challenging and tough research topic much against the advice of my teacher’s. My immediate choice was Cancer Research, but I ended in a lab that clones commercially important plants such as Coconut. Coming form a farming family, it naturally gave me impetus to attempt it. The lab was an ordinary lab, not recognized by the University for Research Work. The lab belonged to a catholic priest and I was influenced by his sermon about Mendel, Meyer, Einstein and such greats who became famous, just because of their work. The topic I was handling was a topic of research for many multinational companies and government labs with a head start of over 10-15 years. After a year of day and nights works I did repent for not taking my teachers advice. My research was a non starter.

After a year, I took a break to spend few days with my friends in a reputed institute. During this period, I read a book by philosopher Jiddu Krishna Moorthy. Reading it I learnt an art of standing back from problems and observing it from a point of freedom or self.  Through these exercises I found that the goal to which I am working [dedifferentiation and differentiation of information] is some thing nature does routinely. I began to observe the plants and nature intensively. A form of communication developed with life and nature. My communication with nature changed my approach to experiments. And success began to flow in everything I touched  

But my communication with life and nature also opened many questions. Nature and life began to reveal the ignorance on which I stand and work. Cloning assumes that biological information is stable and predictable. But my experiments were clearly speaking that they are unpredictable. I could feel the struggle of pieces of tissues and cells in the artificial environment. I saw them react and emerge to sustain themselves in different manner.  Further nature was reminding me that I do not know, why she mixes her information, why her genetic element is double helical, why gene is a triplet code, why dominant and recessive and so on. The information I am dealing with is built up one there is some thing else behind it that is surviving. The work I am doing appeared naïve, I just could not believe how the millions working in the temples of science are dumb to these basic realities   

The result I obtained called national and international interest. Openings form multinational companied came searching. But I felt uncomfortable to pursue my work on falsehood. A short exposure to multinational company exposed dimensions of falsehood on which we exist and build up our empire. I felt there is very little genuine attempt to know life and its truth. Everyone seems to exploit the situation to advance “self” at all cost. Biotechnology is a field that probably has the highest investment in the modern world. No body dares to touch the foundation and contradict it. This prompted me to retreat and take academic line and pursue the fundamental questions. However, on the eve of submission of my doctoral thesis, I revolted from the system to stay with my consciousness than sacrificing it to gain a passport to academic world.

A short stay in my interior village surrounded by virgin forests, my communication with nature intensified. My family and its financial state was in trouble, my mother who was the back bone of the family was sick. I was the elder and the only educated male. I perceived my need to the family. Further, nature around me was intensively communicating to me. I enjoyed the freedom of enquiry.  I slowly settled as a small farmer taking the responsibility of combined family. It was a tough task to stabilize agriculture and family that was in downtrend physically and mentally. I noted that an individual, a family, a community and the whole world falls or grows by virtue of its thinking.

Looking out to the world, I also felt the whole world is falling. I could perceive the state in which the world is in today. It is caught in a vortex of death, contributed by modern day intellectuals who heralded a science, which fails speak the basic interrelationship and oneness and does not answer fundamental questions of nature. I could bring a thousand why’s to which science has no answer. Science does not answer, why free fall acceleration is independent of weight? What gives gravity and mass to matter? Why wave particle duality? Why speed of light is the maximum speed? Why ratio of acceleration of two interacting bodies is always 3 and so on.    

I converted my social situations, agricultural field, and the surrounding forests in to my laboratory and went in search of Truth of Life and Nature. Nature began to reveal the pages of her book. Many simple solutions to complex problems emerged. I began to take a path opposite to the modern world. Modern world is directed to complexity. It splits and generates its energy from it and moves into disorder. The self and perpetuation of self was its fundamental criteria. I could see the monster of “self” and its death forces dancing around me, within my family and the whole world. These forces are interspersed with life force, but the life force is appeared a recessive and looser. It was not long before I realized that in those frits of emotional and instinctive reaction and I have taken a near impossible task of fighting a global force of death that is acting every where. There was now no way back for me but to fight the battle of life and death. Nature was inviting me to unravel her secrets    

As I said, my search was directed to simplicity behind the complexity and the oneness of it. The cutting edge questions of the modern day science and religion appeared simple to me. Every time nature revealed some insights I was excited and communicated to the temples of science to discuss them. But no body was listening to me. The nature used my frustration to take me to higher levels. Eventually my mind was seeking the truth of origin and existence.  I was not willing to stop short of the whole truth.  For more than two of years I brooded on this subject.  I came near but could not grasp it. When I link one side the other side used to break. The frustration peaked.

I kept myself open to all knowledge system, began to read the spiritual scriptures and explore ancient knowledge systems. I began to perceive more depth in ancient knowledge system than the modern. I could perceive the modern world edging to disaster for want of knowledge of inter relationship and oneness. I could perceive many simple alternatives to replace many complex approaches that the modern world practices. It was frustrating to live with ideas that have huge potentials for application but no way to open it up. The gems that nature revealed to me were weighing like a stone for want of evaluators. The nature was calling me to direct the frustrations to raise the platform further. The truth of origin and existence of nature in time was still beyond my comprehension.

Chapter -2

The Death of My Mind and My Rebirth Experience

Then she led me to a retreat center. I went there as an observer. I had already visualized a possible mechanism working behind the miracle cures in these prayer meetings. I was going to check it out. I was still a scientist. But, once I was there, something stirred in me. I remembered the philosophical statement that a “participator is far superior to an observer”. I decided to participate and observe. It turned out to be a golden decision. I fallowed the classes on Loving, Forgiving and Compassionate God. They were not new to me; my philosophical bent of mind had explored these subjects minus God. However, I must admit that the classes led me into new depth of these truths and brought me closer to Christ.

I knew that retreat’s atmosphere is charged with Life Force. As I began to participate I began to feel it. Then in a golden moment, I just folded and submitted my self unconditionally at the Lords feet to know His Truth. I accepted death at His feet. It was a great moment of my life. An out of the world experience resulted. I was racing through a middle path, on one side there was the observation and thoughts I accumulated from nature, on the other side was the teachings of spiritual scriptures, I began to feel them as mirror images. The race ended in Calvary and collapsed. I heard a voice “Seek me from the mind of the heart”. I do not know how much time I was in this Trance. When I came to senses by body was shivering, I knew some transformative thing has happened with in me. I was no more the old person. There was a strange peace and feeling that I am being called for something.

Back home from retreat, I was feeling to go back to retreat and revive the experience. I thought of studying Bible and get out preaching it. However, it was a non starter. 2 months later I made another retreat. Only to get a call “you have been called to advance science”.  Wonderfully, after these experiences, I could perceive the deeper and scientific meaning of every “Words of Scriptures”, not only of Bible but also of Vedas, Upanishad, Bhagavad-Gita, Koran and perceive its oneness. Honestly, I have not put any strain to study them.

I realized I am being called to advance science and bring world to enlightenment. My mind resisted this call. My experience of trying to communicate to the temples of science was rather painful failure. I intellectually I swam against the currant of the modern world to reach the other shore. The gap had only increased over time. The currant has grown strong many folds. It is said the knowledge of matter and the journey to doomsday is getting faster and faster. The accumulated knowledge till 1990 doubled in the next 10 years. The present knowledge is expected double in the next two years.  From a point of freedom it was an easy thing for me to move up the stream. It would not have been possible if I were to be bonded to a modern scientific environment. I just felt God created the situation for me retreat back to my village.

The responsibility and call to go back to the old world to catch the people swimming with the tide and bring them back to the new world did not go well with my mind. Nobody who has come back to Father’s Abode from the piggery would like to return to it, even if Father gives the command. Mans natural state is happiness and peace. I am only human. For a year and more I resisted this call. The reasons are many. I had accepted mind death. My focus has turned from the outer world to inner world. To turn the focus back to the old world was immensely straining. It is as good as having a bipolar unstable existence again. It was a call to walk on the sharp edged sword, this time holding people whose mind will pull me in the opposite direction. 

Further, my earlier search had no defined path. My mind in freedom jumped from one branch to another, traveled the roots, before reducing, to enter the seed and find life. This meant I must now research the jumble of my own thought to write something sensible to the readers. The question is, how can I go back develop arguments for people who are perched and exist in one or other branch and feel that they are at the top of the world! I argued with the Unseen that I will take up Bible and Speak about Him and pleaded to leave me out of this duty. The Lord Said “My Grace is enough for you”.

But slowly the inner call prevailed and finally I gave in. I would contemplate the whole day on one or the other topic while working in the field and sleep and get up at 4 in the morning to scribble on the topic. This continued for few years. By year 2000, I began to feel an intense call to get out and communicate. The Internet had come to city 100 Km away from my village. I began to explore this media to keep my thoughts and revelations on the internet so that some one, some where, can rediscover it.   

By year 2001, when I saw the helpless people, jumping form the Twin Towers, the call became distinct. In the year 2002 immediately after the death of my Father, I moved leaving the agricultural field, which I so lovingly developed and cared for 14years into my brothers hand. My sister, working abroad brought a house in the City, my brothers and sister’s children’s in the family were ready for the college. I became the care taker of her properties and the children of the family. The biggest advantage was a computer and the chance to communicate to the world. Since then I have been exclusively concentrating on writing and storing what ever that came to my mind on the net.

It pains when people, comment on grammatical mistakes poor quality writing, but fail to perceive the vital observation I made in nature and its significance to them and the whole world. The research I did has the potential to change foundation of Human thinking and help every one live fuller life and bring peace, order and Glory to the world. It can over come Global Warming, Climate Change, alleviate the four forces of nature and thus decreases the increasing natural catastrophes, bring health to humanity and nature

The observation and revelations to me are simple and comprehensible by common man. But it hurts that every one is caught in material vortex and “self” and fails to perceive the simple realities I speak to them. I am pointing to a Living Universe Theory.

The four vital observations are -.

1] Life is anti-gravitational; this means life gives stability to the world. It works against gravity and its forces directed to collapse in time.

2] The only life that is exception to this is human beings who seeks self and becomes attached to matter and its power. He aligns with material force and thus creates time direction to collapse or brings death to the world. This means there is a urgency illuminate the intellect of humanity and expose the Truth to Him

3] Human attempts to visualize nature as matter has led him to origin form a collapse [big bang]. But it fails to explain the cause for collapse and the reason for origin. If you care to visualize universe as living it gives us scope to visualize a intelligent design of nature. Universe now could be understood as living system that works against time and gravity and conquers it. Life works by 3 basic processes

·        Breathing which gives it sustenance against gravity

·        Mitotic information renewal and growth against gravity

·        Meiotic information renewal of reproduction of the whole system out of the old and thus conquering death and gravity.

This means the truth of nature can be understood by visualizing universe as living.    

4] In defense of this theory, I pointed to the fact that the energy flow in earth resembles the working of a double pump or heart of a living system. I pointed that the mitotic division could be compared to 12 month climatic cycle and its renewal. This means the universe has a huge life cycle with a beginning and end which is possibly is conquered by the same process as life conquers time and death. This process I pointed began with Calvary sacrifice. Here the essence of Father [The Light] entered the womb to transform and give New Life to everything and thus restore us back to glory. All the ancient knowledge systems very clearly project a Living Universe Theory. The Yajurveda:Vs:30-31 very clearly states that universe was created through the self sacrifice of the Creator and that this sacrifice was done by His own people. In this sense it supports Bible and Jesus Christ’s manifestation. All the religious scriptures speaks the Living Truth of nature and yet we fight in the name of religion. Struggle competitively to destroy the abode. It is apparent when the Intelligence or the Light of Creator is hidden; we are ruled by the inferior light or intelligence. The survival of the earth and the abode exist in emergence of the Light or superior knowledge. This emergence of living reality can transform the world and bring order.

The research I did has the potential to change foundation of Human thinking and help every one live fuller life and bring peace, order and Glory to the world. I have tried to bring truth of nature in simple manner, exploring it from the quantum particulate level. It pains when I do not get any response from the people to who I communicate. It pains when people take time to comments on the spelling, mistakes and grammar and style of presentation, than a word of appreciation to New Line of thinking I have attempted to share.

I have communicated to all temples of science and religions. Repeatedly approached various foundations, like Ford foundation, which spend millions of rupees on cutting edge questions of nature and religion, I have tapped the doors of media which makes hype about global warming, climate change, speak of “Planet in Peril”, makes “Earth watch”, and so on. I have reached out to various organization and institutes such as Discovery Institute, Metanexus Institute, Institute for Creation Research, which spend millions annually seeking answers to complex problems of origin and evolution.

I did not seek funds from them to research but was attempting to share the research. I was seeking help such that what revealed to me can come to lime light and for debate. Yet my repeated struggle only failed. I feel miserable when my attempt fails, think of stopping this struggle and diverting my energy to self advancement. Yet when I close my eyes Inner Voice tells me to go on. The next day I will be back continuing my struggle.   

Chapter-3

The Pains of Carrying the Cross

Years have gone; my age is building, because of the stress my health is deteriorating. In a world where everyone seeks “self”, I feel the sacrifices I did, the knowledge I gained is going fruitless. I am becoming increasingly lonely. In world that is caught in madness of “self”, everyone look up to me as lunatic. I can feel the dubbing from my own people who benefited from my non-self.

The biggest blow is coming form my own life partner. I wanted to marry only after I succeed in life. But the pressure from family, necessitated that I get married, when I met my would-be in the presence of elders, I instinctively felt that this girl would fit me. I briefly explained my life and its objectives. The only condition I put to her is that she should be able to follow wherever I go. This meant she has to give up her job. This was important, because I was still a researcher who has not succeeded in life. I wanted mobility not bondage. One assurance I gave her is that she is ever free.

She is gem of a person, the best thing that has happened to my life. I could not have expected a better wife than her. She is loving, naïve like a child, an excellent home keeper and care taker. She comes from a family of full of Christian priests and nuns. She is very strong in culture and she brought the prayer back to my home. Only person who used to Pray in my home was my Mother, with her death prayers seized. She was the one who led me to the retreat, where I met my Lord and was exposed to His simple but glorious secret for human salvation.  

However there was something in her that is anti to my thought and thinking. She was seeking deep within her a space for her self. This probably was prompted by some unfortunate events in her family and the seed of fear impregnated in her mind. I do not believe in snatching, causing a division and brining in space. I believe in creating a space for oneself. I was still in the process. I told her that I am in a war front, only my victory can bring space for myself and her and told her to keep praying for me. It was my turn to take her repeatedly to retreat centers so that she would get the Fire Baptism. In every retreat center, the chief priest [who does not know us] conducting the retreat, in his prayers would call out my and her name. This would give her a temporary solace. But she never got the Fire Baptism. But in time she gets disturbed and fails to accept my way of living and begins to suffer from within.

As head of combined family, I had to restrict my expenditure to the most minimal; I ask my younger brother before I take even a small amount for myself or take any major decision. My younger brother owned a vehicle. I had to take the cost of maintaining it. I resisted having any unwanted expenditure, so I lived a low profile life.  The increasing want of everyone was met by me, by decreasing my wants. Naturally my wife was co sufferer. I do not call it suffering; peace is the most essential thing to my life and for the battle I am in. I was ready to sacrifice anything to gain victory. 

When I gave up my property and moved into town empty handed, she was greatly disturbed. I had to tighten my belt further. The income from my Sisters property was not even enough to sustain it and yet meet the expenses of living in a town. Whenever I extended my arms to my brother for some support, my wife would break down.

But I feel my Lord is with me and He will not let me down. I remember, a time in 2003 when out of sheer stress, I decided to give up my internet connection and stop my venture. It was a Christmas time, one, Mr. Mark, some where in Mexico sent a Christmas gift 500 dollars!

Some time later, when things were going tough, I could get share of mother’s property that was held by her uncle for more than 50 years and disputed in the court by whole family members. My brother and sister had given me the power of attorney to deal with it and sell it, if it comes through. I had no hope, though I struggled and fought to defend my Mothers will. The dispute was miraculously judged by court and the land was disposed against odds. This money that came to my hand was some strength. But money is a thing which rules human thinking, people remembers what he has to get from out side, but fails to remember their debt. I decided to give judgment and gave up the share of my brother and sister and allow them to judge themselves. Today I live with a small share of mine that is left with me. I spend it to bring out to the world what my Lord revealed to me. The fund is fast draining! And the uncertainty is growing!

My wife still does not approve of my way of life, with out a house, a job, a bank balance. The uncertainty in which I live threatens her. She has lost faith in me, she holds Masters Degree holder, with Poly Technique Degree in Fashion Design, and today she stitches cloths of neighbors to be self reliant. It is natural to fear and I do not blame her. I cannot expect any one to approve of my life and my thinking. I must admit there are times when my mind also gets gripped in fear. Yet a voice from within raises hopes drives me go on. I cannot override it. Only a victory or death can end this struggle, I can never think of retracing my path.

I tell my wife I am human, I too carry dreams of a home, a car a space of my own. I have dreamed to travel around the world to see the beauty of nature. But I cannot go against the inner call. I quote to her from the very Bible she holds dearly “Seek the kingdom of God first, the rest will be added to you”  

It is 24 years since I rose to the call. It is more then 12 years after my marriage took place. Now I feel stupid to console her with philosophical talk.  I consider her superior to me; because life’s basic nature is to seek happiness. I gain it whenever I write some thing or when the voice with in me reveals something. But to her, it is the life of expectation of happiness coming when I win the battle and emerge. More than 12 years have gone by, She lives with all the accumulated pain and smiles externally and lives on. My journey on the cutting edge sword is becoming increasingly difficult as she swells with pain from within. My heart pains when I see her shed tears on her Bible. I begin doubt the voice within to which I have become a slave.    

The desire to reach out to the world is dying.  The only consolation is the inner voice that raises during prayers, which tells me the time is coming, keep going! The same emerges to her when she opens her Bible. We love each other but our minds never unite. We both swim the uncertain world, she catching the Bible and I the inner voice that leads me. The cross I am carrying is becoming heavier and heavier. I some time ask - Am I living in illusions?

There are only two possibilities, one - I am lunatic and live in illusions or the world is lunatic and lives in illusion. Till the judgment happens, she will not know me and I am destined to suffer. Will some one tell me - Am I living in illusions?

 

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